EAMONN REVIEWS FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY, THE FEEL GOOD STORY ABOUT THE WOMAN WHO F##KED HER LIFE UP STRAIGHT AFTER IT'S RELEASE!

 (PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE)

Eamonn has left Earth to join the Galactic G-men. A police made of Being from other realities and Planets, in actual fact it is a League Of Heroes. Using their Exploits to won the Hearts and Minds of Millions of Sapient Worlds. When we Last Left off. Eamonn was on a Desert Planet. Hunting a Gorgon and inadvertently woke the She-beast. 

Hiding behind a hoodoo, letting off a girlish scream, Eamonn turned to fire a few shots from his laser pistol. He just hits air. He reaches his Comm-Link by Pressing button on his visor.

This is Lt. Bermingham of Earth, I have lost Visual on Gorgon. Requesting Pickup.

"REQUEST DENIED! PROCEED AS INSTRUCTED! "

...Shit....

Around Eamonn all he heard were Hissing and Mocking Laughter. He turned to see The Gorgon. Using it's tail like a chair it posed like it was waiting for Eamonn to finish his call. she then waved like a friendly Girl. It was supposed to be disarming. But the tress of Snaked Headed Hair coiling making jabs at Eamonn with their Fangs, was Disarming Enough.

hi there Terran....Aren't You Lost? she asked seductively, a blue Substance pooling behind  her lips.

"ERR...I supposes any attempt on Conversation or Confrontation will Not end well?"

"MMMMM.......Very Clever for A Human...It's so long I had to work for a meal" she said as she tackled Eamonn to the Ground. Getting closer to the Prone Human she inhaled his scent. and then got up in terror. Her snakes in confused Disarray."

"You...REEK OF AN APEX PREDATOR...." Her attitude changed when he opened to the Cognitive Void.

"NOOOOO! I WILL NOT GO BACK I WILL NOT BE HUNTED, PLEASE YOUR APEX IS A LIAR! SEEK OUT THE OTHERS! FIND THE PATTERN BEFORE IT DOOMS YOUR PLANET!

(The Portal sucked her back into the Void, causing a heavy breeze that took to Eamonn's Poncho.

"And what the hell was that all about?"

AND NOW, OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

This Month Both of My World's Combine Once more as I review A film about Wrestling, Produced by, and Featuring, Dwayne Johnson, A former Wrestler in the story of a another Former Wrestler.

Saraya-Jade Bevis, Professionally known as Paige, was WWE's First British Women's champion, as well as the 1st champion to be born in the 90S. She is a second generation wrestler and this is the feel good story to that point in time that she won the belt from AJ Lee for her first reign!

...Then in the Year this film was released, Paige career was ended after taking an unprotected drop kick to the back of her head, her sex-tape was released, she was fired from her cushy on-screen general Manager role because of it, and went on an abusive coke-fueled affair with former wrestler Alberto El Patron, and Now....

Our cover is a group shot of our 6 key Players. With Florence Pugh as Paige, Leaning against the  Ropes and turnbuckle, Oozing confidence, with the other 5 standing behind her. For those saying this could be Better if there was a crowd behind her, this is fine, this film is about her rise to stardom, not as her as a star. Also I like the Font used for the Title Logo. It reminds me of the old school wrestling and Boxing posters. One thing i don't like is the Director. It's the Unfunny Giant, Stephan Merchant. So will this film be filed under the Unfunny Films of Ricky Gervais and Stephan Merchant? Well,Let's ring the bell, Son!

5 seconds in and the Producer has a mandate! See we don't open with Paige. We open with Zack Bevis as a child watching the Rock and fawning over how great the Rock is.

First film he ever Produced is a wrestling Biopic not about himself, but he still managed to make it a vanity Project. Jesus Christ.

2 things they get wrong in this scene, Young Zack is holding a toy version of the current wwe belt, even though if this is supposed to be the late 90's, early 2000s. The wwf title was the "Eagle Wing" Belt. Two. A young Saraya comes in to change the Channel to watch Charmed, implying later on that Her ring Name comes from Rose McGowen's Character.

Paige, the name WWE gave her, Was because Originally the character was going to be a hacker who caused Distractions on the big Screen before she Debut and her name was going to be Paige Webb

GET IT? "WEBPAGE"? DO YOU GET IT? DO GET IT? HUH? HUH? DO YOU GET IT?

For Comedic effect, The Bevis/Knight Family are a family Of Wrestlers. In Real Life, Ricky Knight is thug who washes his hands with Child Labour Laws and has put all his children in the ring for profit before they could Shave, or in the case of Paige, Shave her Legs! Ricky even had a match over Legitimately Scamming Money from another Son and ended up in a bloody fight that put both of them on Tag!

So young Saraya has a match with Zack (whose in Drag as a pink Power Ranger) in a hall with 40 Drunk Randos, Flash forward 10 years and Saraya is now wrestling her mother, Saraya(SNR)

Yes I know it's confusing, but I'm not calling her Paige until her wwe Years. So Saraya-Jade/Britney/Paige (Florence Pugh) is taking hits from Saraya/Jools (Lena Headly), as Ricky (Nick Frost) tries to run in to help Saraya SNR, Until Zodiac Zack (Jack Lowden) comes out, it's all framed as Hokey, Rick even makes the Scooby Doo "Ruh-Roh" sound when Zack jumps through the Curtain and poses like a superhero.

Packing Up a Ring into a White Van, The Knight Family ring the office's of WWE to Inquire about the Audition Tapes Ricky sent of his children, to No Reply.

It's A Hard Struggle, this is a Wrestling scene in Middle Class Norwich. Which is like saying the Rap Scene in Mostly White Ireland. Just because it's 1% of the people represented, Doesn't mean it's not There!

Zack sees a Drug-dealer and chases him down, But Not out of Civic Duty, No, He's on the Payroll! He doesn't help his Character a scene ago either when he Picks up a Bunch of Children who they pay to set up the ring, in lieu of Payment for Wrestling lessons. Saraya, who's passing out programs is insulted by girls her age who foreshadow her brother "Who went Mental and was sent to jail"

While Ricky and A Black Big Daddy Rip-Off do really bad Slapstick, Paige convinces a Blind student to take part. In the Back Ricky finds out the Promotion is in the red. If they have more shows like the ones they had recently. Ricky will go back to Burglary. Jools says she won't let Ricky go back to Thieving....HE'S TOO FAT TO FIT INTO THE WINDOWS! HAVE ZACK DO IT INSTEAD!

And that would have being funny, if it weren't True.

Well, it looks like Zack won't be going through no window either, as a blond girl, Takes Zack to behind the building with Saraya to tell them something in a speechless scene. Saraya Hugging them both and the Girl holding her Belly and it's pretty obvious what was said! A scene cut to a Kitchen and a well dressed Zack tells Ricky that he wants to make a good impression with Courtney's Parents (The Dad being The Unfunny Giant!) So No Booze, no Swearing!

....Until Courtney's Mother makes the Cardinal Sin...Calling Wrestling "FAKE"! Zack Changes the Subject and Courtney's mother asks Ricky and Jools how they met. It's a story of Assault, Suicidal Thoughts, Gunrunning and Coke that landed Them both in 8 years of prison. To the mortification of Courtney's Parents. The phone goes off and Paige answers it. She recognizes the Number and puts it on speaker. WWE has Gotten the tapes and want to offer Zach and Britney jobs. Zack is gobsmacked and lost for words. Courtney seeing a future for her Baby, accepts on his behalf. The voice tells them to come to the smackdown taping in London's O2 stadium in November for tryouts, though Saraya needs a new name as they already have a Britney. Courtney's Mother doesn't even know what "WWE" is, though understandable if you only ever heard of it called WWF.

So Paige and Zak Explain what wwe and "Tryouts" are. WWF's brand of wrestling is "Sports Entertainment" and Like a Sport it's A fitness Evaluation and on the Entertainment side, It's an Auditon! This Brings up Saraya's and Zack's brother, Roy, who after failing his, took to Drink, and got into a fight where he put a man in coma throwing a lump of Tarmac at him! Funny if this wasn't a true story! Of course Courtney's Mother is still unsure on the family her daughter will marry into.

We cut to London's 02 stadium, where as part of the Biannual UK tour, Friday night smackdown is being filmed. Of course, Dwayne "The Producer" and his Big Johnson is here to put himself into a cameo, where Zack and Saraya ask for his advice and tells him to be aggressive and roasts them "Rock-Style" calling Paige Twillight and Zack "Harry Potter". But Rock had a point, his persona is nothing more than Dwayne Johnston, Magnified to the NTH Degree. The crowd knows who's real and who's not, even if you are playing a gimmick, Putting your heart into it also works. He's interrupted by a voice telling Rock that they need to change into their Gear. This voice belongs to Shane McMahon (Vince Vaughn)

Shane is the Son of Vince McMahon, the Chairman of WWE. Shane's Official title is not Well Defined, He's being head of Marketing, R and D, And if he happens to be in town, he leads the Tryouts. He also wrestles from Time to Time

....LEADING TO THAT ONE TIME IN THE SAUDI PROPAGANDA SHOW, WHERE HE INTERJECT HIS NAME IN AND WON THE TITLE OF BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD. 

A Remarkable Feat for someone who sweats bullets just by doing the Ali Shuffle!

In a speech to all the Contenders. Shane tells them you want need one more thing than talent. You need the ambition to be famous. If you see yourself as the wwe champion. as an Action figure, you belong in WWE.

The Newly Christened Paige, comes of as timid, but she still has a mouth on her to call Col. McSweatyBollox (hi Cultaholic!) a Tosser!

Now it's time for the Tryout, AS There is 10 wrestlers, They are put in a mock 5 on 5 tag match. And as the only women, Paige has to try harder. Shane is not Impressed by what her sees, until Paige sells for Zack, including taking Zack's finisher, the Zack Attack, a Foot Facelock Neckbreaker, with a Leg Catch.

That move will be known as another name, but that's a story for a fortnight's time! Join me in September when we will be finishing this review.

ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

EAMONN REVIEWS DORA THE EXPLORER LIVE ACTION PART 2

 PREVIOUSLY ON DORA LIVE ACTION!

YOU WANT A SYNOPSIS OF THIS? OKAY! DORA'S ADVENTURES WERE A CHILD'S MAKE BELIEVE STORIES. THEY TURNED DORA 17 TO HAVE HER FILM TURNED INTO A FISH OUT OF WATER HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA. WE ALSO HAVE SOCIAL COMMENTARY THAT A GIRL WITH SURVIVAL PARAPHERNALIA WOULD FAIL A SECURITY SCANNER IN A LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL IN THE REIGN OF THE LAST PRESIDENT, THE FAKE-TAN FASCIST! There's also a plot about Dora's Parents looking for a Lost city of Gold who's name sounds like the McDonald's Jingle!

We Continue After The Security Search scene. where despite Dora making everyone late, there are still 2 Students not heading to class. A Prissy Middle Class Know-it-all and a Bullied Gamer Nerd. Sammi and Randy Respectively! Diego tells them not to get involved with either. Especially With Randy attacked. Not only is Diego The whitest Boy in all of Chill-Lay, but he is also Yellow!

Beacause this film has dissolved into High School Cliqu, Bullshit! The Being Smart Equals Being Hated, Trope Is in Full effect! And as the Token Asian, Sammie feels threatened by Dora's intelligence, Not that the Sheltered Girl actually gets it!

So we have a Montage of Dora's first week at A school Including THAT! scene with the Bus!

"WHITE BUSDRIVER KIDNAPS LATINO FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT, KEEPS JOB! NEWS AT 11!"

And reacting to mundane things like Mac N Cheese like it's the most amazing thing ever! All the time being Followed by a Black Car! 

Cut to A Winter's dance were the theme is Stars! And Dora is dressed as an actual Star. She does animal inspired Dance and everyone laughs at her. God where's Carrie's Mother and a Bucket of Goat's Blood when you need them the most?

Diego tells her she's an Embarrassment to him! And she takes it to heart!

The next day it's a High School Scavenger hunt and Dora, Diego, Sammie and Randy are forced into a group. We also have to set up what happens next ,with a teacher leaving his Charges by exclaiming "i hate my Job!"

So off course! Dora get's kidnapped and bundled into a crate! Who are these motherfuckers? ICE?

...The same Crate Loads #1, 2 and 3 were hiding in. They throw gas into the Crate. and when they come to, they are in the cargo bay of a plane that has landed in Peru! Kidnapped by 3 mercenaries, Not Ben Kingsley, Not-Gal Gadot, Not-Terry Crews who seems to the handler for Swiper (WHO IS REAL AFTERALL?)

When Dora and Friends come to, someone is coming to open the crate. Dora gets something out of her Backpack.....And Pulls OUT A MACHETE!

"HOLA CHILDREN! CAN YOU SAY "SEVERED ARTERIES"?

They are actually rescued by a friend of her family. (He's a Mexican Comedian, I Don't remember his name!") Randy and Sammie are only here to cry, complain and make 1st world problems "Jokes", so their Character Development is dead!

So Swiper (Danny Trejo of all people!) Steals the map in some Loony Tunes, Back In Action, Physical Effects Bullshit (You Can see the Wires if you slowed it down to a crawl!) Dora tries the mantra to stop him from stealing,  But still Manages to steal the map.

Dora's Rescuer is Professor Alejandro Honduras. (Just Alejandro or The professor to save my Typing hands!)  A Lingustics Professor and Collegue of Dora's Parents. He Got worried when they Didn't return his calls, and fearing the worst he got Kidnapped to by the mercenaries and escaped. Dora is being kidnapped because she too has the knowledge of Para Pata. They find the family's Car and continue to the camp they made amid, Shrunken Heads and Totems erected by the Lost Guardian tribe of Para Pata! The Professor is a coward and so is as useless, as Sammie and Randy!

Half a day has Past and they find Dora's Family Camp, Ransacked. Feeling Watched they prepare for an Ambush, Only to meet Boots (Of course, Dora would Know this Monkey" ACTUAL QUOTE!)

After a song about a Potty Emergency, (Cute if it song by a child, SUS IF IT'S SONG BY A 17 YEAR OLD!) The Group attacked by A rain of arrows. Running for Shelter in a Hollow log, an Errant Arrow Pushes the Log down a hill. Crawling out, Dora inspects the Arrow and see's the Symbol that was on the Totems. The Lost Guardians are also after the Heroes!

Diego Comforts his cousin and Along the way, remembers that he's an animal tracking expert when he spies fresh footprints: FOX FOOTPRINTS!

They Spy on the Mercs, Heading Down the River. Except Dora, Snatching The Professor's Notebook says they are going Up-River. Para Pata is near an  Opera House, that is now Abandoned and Reclaimed by Mother Nature. And Props to well, The Props Department, But this Ruin looks the business.

THEN I RETRACT MY PRAISE!

As they into Quicksand, the Liquid Ground makes a fart sound and they make a fart joke before realizing what danger they are really in!. The professor is now neck deep in Quicksand and 2 scorpions are on his head, except they are not exactly fighting if you know what i mean! (Dora: the Male is grabbing the female from Behind, i never seen them attack like that before!" ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE!" With Professor's body a human Sandcastle and his head used as a scorpion Club Med, they find his legs dangling under the stone stairs and pull him out, feet first, all the while claiming to be a fraud.

FORESHADOWING!

In a cave they Find A shaman, who tells the five the lost city is cursed, However she is willing to bring them back to Civilization. Diego Refuses, He Promised to keep His cousin Safe afterall, The 2 Useless Ones Wonder why she so eager to help, until they see her tattooed arm. she is a Lost Guardian, who tried to make them Human Shish Kebab Earlier so they run away to warn Dora and the others.

They already figured it out because the way is a field of Codyceps Lillies that spray their Pollen, thanks to the bumbling Prof. But instead of turning into Clickers. They instead get high and turn into the Cartoon for a shared Disillusion. Though she does re-imagine All her Imaginary Friends, she does Comprehend being Rescued by Sammie and Randy.

Continuing on, It's now Randy's time to prove his worth by saving the crew when they fall in to an Aqueduct and nearly drown. Let's forget the part about Randy Pulling the levers to release the water in the first place!

Sucked into an excuse to market this film as a waterslide, They Find Dora's Parent's and here's where we get our M SHITE SHITTYFILM Twist we saw coming.

THE PROFESSOR IS EVIL! AND NOT ONLY THAT THE LEADER OF THE MERCS!

Kidnapped again, Our heroes are forced to lead the the enemy to the Lost City. They find it over a cliff. the Golden City Glistening the Setting Sun! Boots Swings and unties the teenager's Wrists. Dora Ascosts her monkey for rescuing her, Knowing Alejandro will just kill Her parents. once he's done.

THAT'S WHEN BOOTS THE MONKEY GIVES HER A PEP-TALK!

i'm not kidding. B

Boots decides that right now, in the voice of Antonio Banderas to speak English to Dora. Poor Girl must be whiffing that pollen again! The others find Dora and figure out if they can find the Treasure first they could use it to barter for her Parents freedom. Solving a puzzle on Constellations, They enter Para pata to find Nothing at first. Til they find a puzzle, til they find a death trap and pass it with the Power of Friendship. Only for the Professor to reveal he was following them to pass the Traps.

And Now the Monkey Idol and the Treasures left as tribute is all his. Which is why Dora as left him to stand on the obviously welchy Bricks and she and are friends aren't. The Slabs fall to reveal a lava pit, with Alejandro Clinging onto life. The lost Guardians arrive with the Shaman who magically turns into a hot woman. Dora asks the Goddess to spare there lives, But only if Dora solves the Puzzle correctly. She instead offering gold to the idol. Fills his palms with Water. Reveal the Treasure to be....A giant CGI Monkey they only had 8 seconds of footage of. Swiper steals the small Monkey Idol causing Para Pata to collapse around them. Boots Attacks Swipper to free the statue and Dora runs into the dust storm to return it to it's rightful Place.

And so Diego confesses his love for Sammie. The teens are reunited with their parents, But Dora wants to return to America. which is meet with Hammy cries by Pena and Longoria. and of course Dora fits in, she has turned her geeky dance that was mocked to a THICKO-THOT Dance, so she is not REALLY POPULAR, HER PEERS ARE JUST SHEEP!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

WHO IS THIS FOR?

IT'S NOT FOR PRESCHOOLERS, IT'S NOT FOR THE CHILDREN WHO GREW UP WITH THIS AND HAVE NOSTALGIC FEELINGS FOR THIS!

The Premise is Ridiculous, the World Building, wafer thin. The CGI is Lifeless and Janky. Moner is giving it the College try in her first starring role, but it's a losing Battle between the cast of  Underactors and Overactors (Pena is becoming Hispanic Rob Schneider in my eyes. 2 films with him in it and both of them stank!)

WE WEREN'T EXPECTING AN OSCAR WINNER, BUT NOONE EXPECTED THIS TO BE RATED 87% ON ROTTENTOMATOES!

HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?

CREDITS

Dora the Explorer and lost city of Gold was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham

with Media from.

In part 1

Dora the Explorer and lost City of Gold

Go Diego Go!

Linkara and Phelous review the Airzone Solution

Batman: Fortunate Son.

and in Part 2

Dora the Explorer and the lost city of Gold

Dora the Explorer and the Lost city of Gold was Distributed by Paramount. Dora the explorer is also Property of Nickelodeon. All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their Respective Owners.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE.

It's Rock "The Dwayne" Johnson's Directorial Debut on the feel Good wrestling Story...which haven't aged well in the 5 years after filming this! Find out why, NEXT MONTH WHEN FORMER WWE WRESTLER PAIGE RECANTS ABOUT FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY!

EAMONN REVIEWS DORA THE EXPLORER LIVE ACTION PART 1

 Years ago, the Online Comedy Channel, CollegeHumor Made a Parody of Michael Bay's Transformers, by Releasing a spoof trailer of an Edgy Spy drama of a Teenage Dora the Explorer, They even hired Modern Family star Ariel Winter to star in it. The clip became popular, helped in no small part by an Actress from an Emmy winning show. It was funny because no way in Hell would Hollywood take a show for Preschoolers from 15 years ago  and make it appealing for the now teenage audience.

.....AND THEY DID IT!!!!!

Let's Forget that this is attached to the world of a baby cartoon with the purpose of teaching Spanish and Hand and Eye Coordination to toddlers. Lets forget that Isabelle Moner, who was 17 is made to look as close to the 3 year old character as humanly possible. Let's forget about the GODAWFUL looking CGI animals. Let's talk about the extras who look like they have being just told what film they were hired for and the camera took their Photos at the time of their Disappointment setting in! Special attention going to the Baked-bean Shaped Headass TANNED WHITEBOY! Playing Dora's Cousin, Diego!

HOW DO I KNOW IT'S DIEGO?

Because they shoved the cheapest guy they can hire into a blue t-shirt and bomber jacket!

We open with a fake Disclaimer from a Fox Defamation League. Then reveal a flashback of a young Dora and Diego having adventures with their animal friends, and talking and singing Backpack and Map....Except it is all their imagination...except Boots is Real and Diego's Jaguar is not (and Neither is Swiper...Until he is? More on that later!) Well at least, Child Diego is actually Latin!. Playtime is interrupted when Mama Explorer (Eva Longoria) tells Diego it's time to go home!

Dora's Parents are Archaeological and Ecological Researchers, who live off Grid in a Sustainable Cabin by the River. Dora's Verbal tic of asking the Audience can they say a random Spanish word is lampshaded by Papa (Michael Pena) By asking "Who are you talking to?"  Thank god she doesn't do this all 90 minutes. I don't know How PhantomStrider made a career riffing this for years and me watching for 5 minutes makes me want to take a bath with Mr Toaster!

Diego is here having Dinner with his cousin's family (despite last scene being told to go home)

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_hUZEuSGA4

....Spies an Ancient map to an Ancient Inca City called Para Pata (I'M LOVING IT!-WITH APOLOGIES TO BERLEZZY!)

Wait...Inca, not Aztec?

Does that mean Dora is Not Mexican, But Chilean the Whole time?

Is it gonna stop me from making Anti-Trump Jokes if the need arises?

HELL NO!!

A Sharing a room with her cousin (again great Continuity guys!) They get into an argument stemming from the fact Diego is leaving for America.

10 years later and Dora (Isabelle Moner) is an excitable Teenager with an Imagination gone wild. though we can't tell. Pygmy elephants is Peru? yeah right. a crocodile in the river? Possible. But the reason i say you can't tell, is that all the animals are CGI, And not even Convincing CGI. They look like cartoon characters! The Verbal tic is now explained as she is a vlogger, her video diary to find Para Pata herself. She even finds a cave on her own, covered in Inca Pictograms and a very deep chasm, which she nearly dies from when she fails a running Jump

Silly Dora

You didn't ask the audience  count to 3 in Spanish first!

So it turns out in the cave Dora found, there was an Idol that Contains A map to Para Pata. Dora is excited to learn more. But her parents decide after today's fall to put her in an American High School! The Biggest Adventure of her life: Meeting people her own age. They even talk to their daughter about looking out for the biggest evil that hunts down Naive girls from the country. Not Drugs, Not Boys or gangs the evil that is....

ROCK AND ROLL! (TECHNICALLY EDM, BUT THIS STILL COUNTS!)

Landing in La (So they can save money on Location shots!), The Overly Friendly Girl soon meets her Dour Faced, Tanned Whiteboy posing as her Cousin! She is use to sleeping a hammock outside but can't since we are in Latino Suburb of Los Angles And she interrupted by Black Helicopters and Police Sirens.

So Diego's Childhood has being practically Drained by The American School System, and finds Dora cringey to be around. Which he responds to by pretending not to know her.

Like when the High School has a Security Check, and her Backpack Contains Pickaxes and Emergency Flares. Ok this Backpack was and is her only Luggage! How did she pass Customs in the first Place? This makes Dora the most Hated person in school, because everyone in line behind her is now late for class. Makes me Wonder why they didn't just tell their Parents to drive them early to school if they are security checks?

END OF PART 1!

A LIVE ACTION FILM ABOUT A BABY CARTOON WITH SOCIAL COMMENTARY? yep....

HOW MUCH MORE WILL EAMONN TAKE BEFORE HE HAS THAT BATH WITH HIS TOASTER? FIND OUT NEXT WEDNESDAY! THE 3RD OF AUGUST! 

ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW!: EPISODES 82-83: GOING FAR

 There will be no review of episode 83, Hard Luck as it's a filler episode. Just when you thought Odd couldn't be more Stupid, he becomes Superstitious! The only thing of merit is that they return to Area 51 and destroy the factory, which were making Compliance Chips for the Spiders in the amazon Factory, previously destroyed. However Xana has created enough chips already.....

82, Distant Memory is a better episode....To start with, then it gets bad in the third act. The first two minutes of the episode is a fantastic nightmare sequence. The art shifts to an Uncanny Valley style to capture the Joy of a young Aelita being Ripped out as Aelita's Mother finally named as Anthea, is kipnapped by the Men in Black. Even the Music which is Sinister and mixed with a warped Wolf's howl is a great touch!

It's Christmas and the Boys return to their respective families. Ulrich gets stuck in a traffic jam with his Stern (IF YOU PARDON THE PUN!) Father and Cloying Mother. Jeremy with his father who asks about his romance with Aelita, and Odd leaving the country outright by plane! Aelita, who is here under false pretenses, is staying at the dorm at night and working at the factory all day to avoid caretakers. Yumi who lives in town wants Aelita to join her, but The pink haired girl insists she's fine!

Later that Day, Aelita gets an Email Attached to A Sound File of Franz playing Twinkle twinkle Little star on the Piano. Franz has Seemingly returned to Lyoko and wants to speak to Aelita. Faster than you can say "IT'S A TRAP!" Aelita has gone to the factory! (For Closure, We are shown that even if Yumi COULD help! She is stuck doing Housework!)

On the Ice Sector Aelita spots a Simulation Bubble. She enters it and it's the Hermitage as she remembers it, on a snowy day when she was young. Entering her childhood home, she tearfully hugs her Father. Franz tells her he built this simulation to spend time with his daughter, if only for one evening. 

Yumi calls Aelita but can't reach her, so she calls the others! Jeremy's father is supportive and  makes a U-turn. Ulrich flat out ditches the car in the Traffic Jam, in the middle of his Father's Reason You Suck Speech,....and Odd......WE GET TO SEE WHERE ODD GETS IN FROM AS HIS FAMILY FORGOT IT WAS CHRISTMAS AND FORGOT TO PICK THERE SON UP! So all 4 head to the factory!

In the Simulation Franz Tells Aelita he plans on emailing a program to cure William. Franz asks Aelita about his her progress and she speaks about the Skidbladnir. When Franz comments about the strange name, Aelita says he would have known that name from the book of Norse legends he would read as a bedtime story. He dismisses it, but Aelita is not the Naive Girl she was. When she calls out Franz for not creating a program to resemble her mother, She rumbles the plan as XANA Reveals himself and William enters the Bubble.

The warriors are Virtualized As soon as the Bubble get Guarded by Monsters. Aelita is soon Surrounded by William and XANA/WOLVES chased into a barrier, But it was a plan to find the barrier, since Aelita can use Creativity to Shatter fake realities like before! With the bubble gone. Aelita, William and A Blok, which was the Wolf, return to the ice Sector

And then the Bullshit that undermines all the good in this episode happens.

Aelita gets thrown into the Digital Sea and is destroyed.

........

ONE!

We have established that Jeremy can bring back people destroyed By Digital Water.

TWO!

Remember that time, also in season 1, Aelita Virtualised one Hair That be Digitized into a Source Code THE LAST TIME! Aelita was Destroyed. I doubt Jeremy is freeing up space on the Memory of his Supercomputer by deleting Important files like that!

THREE!

Here's Ulrich on his Overbike having his "BIG NOOOOOO!" Moment....A Motorbike, THAT CAN FLY!

AND FOUR AND I WILL NEVER STOP BRINGING THIS UP!

....So, as you can expect it's all False Drama, for Franz in the Form of the Guardian, to reveal himself to save his Daughter, As Creations Attack him as he drops Aelita on land and Beats it like the Deadbeat he is! Out of Frustration. William kills all the avatars in a clear loss for our heroes. Back on Earth, Odd Gives Presents to his Friends ans Aelita is Invited to Jeremy's for Christmas.

Distant Memory starts so well, but by the third act, The false Drama of Permanently deleting Aelita is Laughable given everything that has happened beforehand over 3 seasons!

A Disappointing place to stop!

This is my last Review of Code Lyoko of 2021! we will return Next year to finish the story. Next Month, Normal Service resumes with the review of The live action Dora the Explorer Movie!

But until Next Year, you have to wait for the last 4 times we

RETURN TO THE PAST!

NOW!

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW! EPISODE 80-81: HERE WE ARE (REMASTERED)

 Dog Day Afternoon is a filler episode which is More or Less, The Fly for a Children Show. Odd Sneaks Kiwi into his scanner and instead of The Bull terrier being virtalized, Odd slowly turns canine. the Sub-plot is Sissi is Suspicious of Fake William's behavior and Yumi, under the guise of dating him babysits the program as Jeremy Updates his behavior. Meanwhile Xana Possesses a Biker Gang who has trespassed on the ground of the factory. the only things of note is that William can absorb Aelita's energy blasts into his sword, and the biker gang is scared off by a reassembled Kiwi and and a tube of toothpaste. Jeremy also updated Fake William's intelligence leading us to the next episode

In "Lack of Goodwill"

The "Intelligence" Update has William Copy a prank Odd did and he gets caught. This worries Jeremy as his his clone's Programming should not be able to make amoral decisions. this conversation is eavesdropped by the Junior Reporters...Seriously How many times has the top secret mission being eavesdropped by someone who just happened to be standing on the other side of a tree or support pillar?

Another Mission to the Digital Sea Uncovers another Desert Replika linked to, of all Places, Area 51! OK, So they don't name it outright, calling it a "Top Secret Base Near Roswell, New Mexico", With Ulrich and Aelita as the away team at the abandoned site. Aelita Joking maybe they were all "Beamed Up"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RL0P76BULHY

Personally, I blame the Naruto Runners!

Back on Earth, Milly and Tamiya trick Fake William into revealing himself, Xana and bringing them to the factory when Mily asks for proof. On Replika, A hive of Hornets attacks the skids. Jeremy interrupts with a warning: someone has just virtualized on Earth. Yumi and Odd confirm it's not them. It was the Real William Out to Destroy the SuperCalculator. In New Mexico, their Supercalculator Powers and Automated Factory of some kind. William is about to Choke Jeremy Until Fake William and the Junior Reporters turn up, The Two Williams fight in the Factory's Power room as The Juniors Replace Jeremy as Mission Control, who has broken his ankle. With Outsiders in the factory, the Away team must divirtualize themselves by killing each other back to Lyoko. But like the Last time, Energized Avatars Divirtualized back to Lyoko return Unconscious to the Skid, which is under attack. Real William tricks Tamiya into trapping A Realized Yumi in a scanner, Destroys Fake William and creates a Shark-type Monster in the digital Sea. Worse still has raised the temperature of the battery room and it will explode using the delayed Virtualization program as a countdown. Thankfully Aelita is back on Earth to reset the Sub-zero temperature, and not to stop William, she only had time to do one thing and continuing the mission was more important!

The heroes humor the Junior Reporters by letting them film and interview them, only to activate the return to the past program. During lunch, Jeremy reveals why Fake William got into trouble. Turns out when creating the Intelligence program. Jeremy used some Sub-routines that came from Franz. In otherwords, Protocols that eventually were used to create Xana! And while the others are afraid that Fake William will become evil. Jeremy doesn't think so as Fake Willam is the one thing XANA Hates the most-HUMAN!

Join me next time as we review Distant Memory and Hard Luck. when we

RETURN TO THE PAST....

 NOW!

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW!: EPISODES 78-79: AMAZON ORDERED ASSKICKING (REMASTERED)

 We open With Lab Rat and Jeremy tells Odd, Aelita and Ulrich during lunch he created a New Power- "Energising" A state that will allow Avatars to Return to Earth with their Suits, Weapons and Powers intact. Yumi is angry at Ulrich for forgetting her Birthday yesterday, which he didn't even know. He can't even go and buy a present because he's in detention for supposedly throwing a fish at Jim. Odd decides to make it up to his roommate, after all, Odd threw the fish at Jim, much to Ulrich's annoyance.

That night, using the Skid to traverse the Digital Sea, to XANA'S Replikas, which Jeremy can use as a reference point of the other Supercomputers and SuperCalculators on the real world. The Forest Replika has an Activated Tower, Meaning Xana has launched an Attack. Activating a tower themselves, the use the power of the green tower to Energise on Earth....

Except Ulrich and Yumi. Odd And Aelita are in a Jungle during the Day. Jeremy confirms that they are in Brazil. The Amazon Rainforest Specifically.

Which makes Aelita do ballet in the translucenct skirt for some reason.

Now, you may be wondering why Franz Hopper has other supercomputers worldwide. As the Season 2 closing credits show, Franz was part of a team of Scientists who were likely Multi-National to begin with. And after Lyoko "Failed" when Franz and family disappeared, The Terrorist cell most likely used the Supercalculator to power whatever new scheme the Doctor is now creating!

Jeremy tells the Away team, that they have 13 minutes to find the Super-Computer, before they are forced back to Lyoko. Yumi and Ulrich Bicker like it's Season 2 and are Distracted by William riding on a tarantula...LIKE A BADASS!

In Brazil, Aelita and Odd Uncover Xana's Plan: he has possessed the staff here to create an army of Cyborg Spiders. Ulrich's postering gets him stabbed. Yumi Loses her Fans and has to fight William hand to Hand....er Hand to BIG FECKING SWORD! Just when they are about to destroy the Supercalculator. William after offing Yumi, enters the Green Tower, enters Code: XANA and forces the away team back to Lyoko. The first Mission has failed, But not without Intel. and so the episode ends with Odd getting his packages mixed up. Odd with the Necklace for Yumi and Yumi having a squeaky bone for Kiwi.

Bragging Rights Sees the return to Brazil to destroy the lab. This time, Yumi and Ulrich are the away team, Surrounded by Spiders. The story is told in flashback. Odd's bragging and hot-dogging gets him detention . When Ulrich tells Odd to save it for mission. Odd gets indignant and makes a bet: If he can go a week without Bragging, He get's Ulrich Desserts for a week. Conversely if he loses! 

With the schematics and the destroyed forcefield last episode, it should be easy, except neither has the Hacking powers of Creativity like Aelita has. And when Ulrich smashes a panel to open the door like in the movies. the team are told they are to sever the powerline instead. On the Forest Replika, William and the ever Annoying Hornets attack. Back in the Amazon, the Cyber Spiders have escaped. Ulrich slashes the generator with his Katana and the Replika Starts to Disappear, causing william to plunge into Digial Water...Until A backup Generator comes online, reforming the replika and respawning William.

The Spiders Capture the Away Team and Kill them with their fangs...But Death while Energized means you are returned to Lyoko, just as the same as death on Lyoko returns you to Reality! Odd asks Jeremy to be sent in the other's stead, Since Aelita is now destroyed too. But promises not to brag, the Skid is fired upon with Ulrich and Yumi Unconscious inside. Odd on his own singlehandley fights of the Spiders and Destroys the Generator with his last Last arrow! The Replika is destroyed and so are the spiders. And so Odd loses the Bet when he says he set the time for the shortest shower in School History. When Ulrich points out, that's nothing to be proud of. Odd concedes saying That He's A braggard and that's OK!

And with that 16 episodes are left, With 8 of these posts left to do! Find out what happens next when we watch "Dog Day Afternoon" and "A Lack Of Goodwill!" in the next Double bill "HERE WE ARE"

When we Return to past....

NOW!

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST NOW! EPISODES 76-77: WHATTA PROOF!

 As above's terrible Attempt at a pun tells you, Both episodes have an Aquatic Theme, Lost At Sea comes later, but first, Let's Dive into "The Lake".

Today the entire 8th Grade class at Kadic (That's our Heroes and Sissi, Herve and Nicolas bar Yumi and Fake William) have a camping trip on a small island on a lake. Odd has sneaked Kiwi in his bag and Sissi is lording it up as the Principal's Daughter to bring her mountain Bike. When Kiwi reveals himself, Jim's long feud with proving Kiwi's Existence comes to a close. Jeremie can't get an internet Connection, But can still use their phones to contact Yumi to tell her to keep a watch on XANA. This will be hard as Yumi has Finals and is not a boarder at the Academy.

XANA's Attack is two fold. In reality A Spectre is going all slasher movie and picking off the Class one by one, (Only shocking them to Coma's because Kid's Show!) while on Lyoko The scyozoa returns to Delete the Skid's data! The Spectre spreads itself in the lake water, becoming a film that emits an electrical current. Odd and Ulrich try to sneak off using a rubber dingy. While Aelita and Jeremy, Jerry-rig an Antenna out of their tent. Odd Keeps Jim Distracted as Ulrich float back to Burgundy as Jeremy Dictates a program to Yumi while William and some Krabbes provide a welcome party.

Ulrich's attempt to escape gets thwarted by Jim both are shocked...Aelita attempt reveals herself in Ulrich's Dingy covered in a rubber Blanket as the boat floated back to the school bus. Aelita spots Sissi's Mountain bike and formulates a plan! Yumi accidentally gets blasted into the tower and she thinks she's safe....But.....William can now enter Towers as easily as the Aelita or the others when she's with them!

Yumi is about to be Killed, But Yumi could Reach William Temporarily, But's Not Enough. Aelita arrives and activates Green Towers On Every Zone to reboot the Skid's Systems. Aelita blasts William who blasted Yumi to earth to activate the return to the past, to stop everyone on the island from being electrocuted, Being sent Back a Day Aelita uses it to reinforce the skid's shields and so it ends with Kiwi now stuck with Yumi, who because of time travel has to take the exams again!

Next, Lost at Sea, the 77th Episode, Sees Yumi's brother Hiroki steal her diary in an attempt to impress Milly, Who is looking for a scoop for the school paper! Jeremy has programmed a Tracer onto the Skid in the name of the mission to find William. When Yumi gives chase, Hiroki bumps into Odd and Ulrich, picking up her Diary Hiroki was using to impress Milly, A Photo of Ulrich Falls out, with Odd telling Ulrich this is his one and only chance to find out if Yumi still likes Him!

Ulrich's Attempt to return the diary is quashed by Jeremy's arrival. Yumi, Still angry, takes it out on XANA'S monsters on the mission, but not before a convaluted "Parent Trap" style scheme to make Hiroki out to be the hero, only for the pages to be removed by a third party. Her Navi Skid is damaged and divirtulized with her inside it. She is now trapped in the Red Zone, in the Digital sea.

In the real World the Diary pages are found and Odd concludes Kiwi Dug them out with his paws like a game. In the Red Zone Yumi feels sad about never seeing her family again as she battles a Kongre with only one Torpedo left. The blast is enough of a heat signature to track her. The others find her and rescue her from an ambush!

And So the Episode Ends with Ulrich Returning Yumi's Diary Pages in Secret and her thinking Hiroki did it, As Ulrich walks off Happy!

"Lost At Sea" finally gives Yumi and Ulrich their Endgame Arc for the Final Season. A catalyst for them to be together once more without the Guilt of a Secret keeping them Together. It also show that 15 plus years ago, French Cartoon Writers could write Believable Romantic plots for  Children's shows and not make the Heroes look like assholes! 

I'm Looking at you Thomas Astruc!

And I Know I will never have the chance again to bring it up, But the Opening of Ladybug season 4 is Just Awful. True, anyone with a Braincell knew the MarinettexLuca and AdrianxKagami Ships wouldn't last, But Couldn't they have done more? Couldn't they have built this over a few episodes and then make Truth and Lies a Mid-season ending? BUT NO! STATUS QUO IS GOD! AND WE HAVE TO DRAG OUT THE REVEAL! And don't get me started on lack of redemption for Chloe, we just replaced her with a blander character!

Return to the Past will be back every Monday in July. And next week, Reality Blurs as the hunt for Xana escalates. A revelation next episode proves to be the programs undoing In Lab-Rat and Bragging Rights! In our Next double Bill Nicknamed for the spoiler "Amazon Delivered AssKicking!"

When we Return to the Past,

NOW!

Eamonn Continues to probe Men in Black International

 (PREVIOUSLY ON MEN IN BLACK 4....JUST WATCH MEN IN BLACK 1, ITS THE SAME FILM EXCEPT THE BLACK MAN IS NOW A BLACK WOMAN!)

H and M go to the Safehouse that Holds the Chess People. The Newly Christened "Pawny", played with Typical Annoying Fashion by Ken Jeung- Gives a sarcastic answer to why his race has being wiped out!)

Trust me, the character is so Annoying You wish M and H would finish the job! A pawn is useless without queen, so Pawny Histrionically Threatens to off himself.  Meanwhile Everyone who just watched this films action grind to a halt because of this universe's answer to Jar-Jar Binks just want him to...

H had pickpocketed the Stone from M's Pocket and wants to know what it is, So does MIB, Who arrive with a blockade of 5 armoured cars and 20 agents. C is planning a coup and High-T is being scapegoated. However,  High-T has warned M and H to escape. Whatever the jewel really is, Fungus was too afraid to trust MIB with it!

H draws away the traitors as M escapes with the stone, as the Dynand Return. H " Borrows" Hassar's Space Bike, as Hassar gives M a flask of water for the desert. Keep in mind Beard is nowhere to be seen, as the agents speed around uninterested Extras. Jumping over the agents they Hyperdrive into the Sahara desert, the rock reacting to sand as it reveals itself to be a shrunken Blue Dwarf Star in a crucible. 

Blue Dwarf Stars are real. And really powerful. To put it into Context, the smallest Blue star In our universe, R136a1 has a solar radius of 26 Suns using our Sun as the unit of measurement.

No wonder fungus was scared. A power source lowballed at 26 Suns, it nothing to be sniffed at....so anyway, H and M shoots off a low setting blast powered by the Blue Star for funsies, and cause a trench where the Sahara use to be!

After the failed coup, High-T dismisses C. M tells H that Fungus gave her the blue Giant Star, Because H sensed that H had changed since Paris. M calls out H on his arrogance.

BUT NEVERMIND FINALLY REVEALING WHAT HAPPENED!

Beard, who was hiding in the flask, Steals the Blue Star and escapes on Jetpack, telling the agents that "She" will pay nicely when "She" arrives.

The She in Question, is of course the Aforementioned Riza, who is revealed to be a murderer, as well as an arm's dealer. H reveals that he was on the trail to arrest Riza But Something Changed. He fell in love, but M knows that, why did M team with H off the Bat?

BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO USE YOU AS A STEPPING STONE TO BE A TOP AGENT WITHOUT BEING ON PROBATION LONGER THAN SHE WANTED!

But no, turns out calling her Martha Jones to his Doctor Who was right. We have gone into the realms of Self-Insert Romance Fanfiction that we might as well call it Code Lyoko Evolution!

With the Bike fixed, The Agents hit Riza"s Fortress on Earth, Naples. 

We Finally see Rebecca Ferguson's Riza and PPFFFFTTTT,!!!!!!!

THAT'S!? What we're building up to? Someone with Giraffe Neck who looks like a Cougar who dyed her hair to pick up Young Men at the Alt Club?. She is a gorgeous woman IRL, but this wig and Nightgown patterned dress, coupled with her long neck bones and crow's feet, makes her look like Mutton Dressed as Lamb! Couldn't they just have made her CGI?

As M climbs the cliffs of Naples, H sweet talks the despot as her Bodyguard, Luca who is a full grown Transulent, looks on. (PLOT POINT?) Riza doesn't fall for it but does confirm that she has the Blue Giant Star.

H dispatches the Human Guards, Deactivates the security system as M and Pawny infiltrate the island, as Riza tries to sell the star. Riza finds m and fights her, as H fights Luca. Riza's species has a third arm and M ties her up in a bookcase and gym Equipment, before knocking her out. H is not so lucky as The Transulent hands him his ass!, But I'm a twist everyone saw coming, the hulking beast is indeed the small teddy bear like creature M saved as a little girl.

Turns Out The Phrase Luca said before he left was a blood oath, and that's all it took for Luca to have a face turn. And Riza, the most Feared Arms Dealer in the Universe, to fold like a Kleenex!

Do You Know what Riza Really Needs?

An Island Fortress filled with Alien Weapons!

The Dynand Twins Attack the Agents, Who are Destroyed by High-T'S Electro-Gun. But Not before Saying they will protect their Planet. And so the Earth is saved, but something isn't right. The Dyands said they wanted the Blue Star to "save their planet", A Planet under Hive Control, then High-T arrives with a weapon specifically for killing Gaseous Beings. H checks the File for The Dyand species...only it's now erased by someone higher up! Even C has worked it out! M's Compass, yeah it had a tracking device, which is why High-T, who is no longer a field agent, just happened to be in Naples! And Now the Blue Giant Star is Missing and High T is going to Paris!

So Let's Wrap this up!

The Hive Invade Paris, And It's Revealed that the Invasion did not get Thwarted, In fact H had is memory wiped, Because he could never go into detail on how he defeated the Hive. Because High-T is Dead!

His Body Assimilated into the Hive as a sleeper Agent, Biding their time til the Blue Star was on Earth. With the Dynand planning to turn on them, the Hive had to Reveal themselves, But with the Bluestar powering the Portal, all worlds can be Assimilated at once. M is thrown into the portal and the vastness of space. Until Pawny rescues her with his jet pack and Grappling Hook. H gets through to High -T long enough for Molly to use the Blue Giant Star to blast the hive to Kingdom come!

And So M is made Full Agent in New York and  H is made H is London. The Partnership is over-But at least they can have a Little Road Trip Solving Mysteries on the Downlow!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

Just like Ghostbusters 3, This is Nothing More than a mean-spirited Remake for the "Woke" Generation, Nothing as extreme as bringing back the original cast to tell the new cast how much they suck! Actually the Movie is like Power Rangers Megaforce and how that show was a failed Anniversary for that franchises 20 year anniversary: Buzzwords, catchphrases, scenes and Iconography of the Mib franchise, shoehorned in without explaining WHY! they are Iconic. Legacy Characters like Frank the Pug And the Coffee Worms get cameos and play no part in the Story. Even Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith are reduced to a 5 second Easter Egg. who had to pause your Dvd to see! Even Rip Torn's Z (RIP!) is not mentioned. As Mentioned constantly, the film is nothing more than the First film. Tessa Thompson is bland and one dimensional, Hemsworth chews scenery, Emma Thompson is wasted as just the exposistion character. And Riza looks like A granny in her frumpy dress and silver blue wig. The Mole storyline is good and Neeson keeps it afloat for a while But collapses by Every Grievance I mentioned. The production was Doomed from the start, because the Director and Producer argued on the content of the film, (It was pitched that the Dynand be 4 aliens that looked like the Beatles!) and it shows! Also i wish Pawny Died!

CREDITS

Men In Black 4 aka Men in Black International was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham

With Media From:

In Part 1

Men In Black 4

Spongebob SquarePants

Code Lyoko

Grand Theft Auto

Doctor Who

And Part 2

Men in Black

The Today Show 

Men in Black 4 is Produced By Columbia-Tristar and Property of Sony. All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners!

NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

The Storyline Continues In August with the reviewer of Dora the Explorer: Live action Movie! But July contains Bastille Day, and you know what that means! More reviews of Code Lyoko as we edge closer to the Season 4 finale!

AND NOW THE FIRST CHAPTER OF A GAME OF TWO HALVES AND NO QUARTER

Chapter 1: The Gorgon!

On a Desert Planet, Sabaru's Camera Droid Floated over a Rock Formation Broadcasting "The Game" to every planet in the Universe. The game is particular? A Demon Hunt. To prove her dying species are on par with the Cosmic Entities who play with the Souls and fate of Men. Sabaru Formed a League of Souls of Heroes to do  Challenges and arrest quarries too dangerous for the So called gods to thwarted.

Part-Spectator Sport, Part Smear Campaign!

Eamonn and 3 other Galactic G-Men. A Bird-like Human, An Troll and an Elf, Descend their airship!

"Our Target is a Gorgon, Be very Careful, The lack of any rivers or reflective Surfaces will hinder you, so stay on your toes."

It was 6 hours walking and the Gorgon was always a step away. Soon the Blistering Heat of the Sun, Became the frigid heat-Vaccuum at night. The others returned to the Ship for warmth, but Eamonn could not return with a failed first Mission. He uncovered a cave filled with Statues of Amimals with parts removed and faces of shock or Fear on them. With their Stomachs Cracked or Limbs Removed, if they could be returned to live they would have perished on the spot!

In a Quarry like Pit, the Gorgon Sleeped on a Makeshift Bed of Peeled Furs. Naked Her Skin A Gangrenous Shade. Her Breast Torn out by Sharp Claws Possibly her own. Her Stomach well Toned and Pink-tinted like a Human, contrasting her Top Body and the legless form that tapered into a green Tail, which she was holding with her clawed hands. Her Hair of snakes Vibrated like a Hive on every movement of the creatures Breathing, Her Putrid Blue lips would pull back to reveal fangs and a forked tongue from time to time!

"Ok. Found you time to cal you in..." Said Eamonn, Threading on a mouse's Skull that Broke underfoot and echoed Loudly! 

The Breathing Stopped!

(Storyline continues in August!)

Eamonn Probes Men in Black 4 (AKA MIB INTERNATIONAL)

(STORYLINE WILL START IN PART 2)

I COULD NOT FIND THE EXACT IMAGE USED IN THE BOXART FOR THE BRITISH RELEASE OF THIS FILM SO MAKE DO WITH THE CLOSEST IMAGE I CAN FIND!

 ....Yeah, After Ghostbusters 3, Maybe Keep Liam Hemsworth Away from Columbia's Franchises, M'Kay?

THE BOXART IS BORING!

It's Tessa Thompson and Liam Hemsworth Standing in front of A Logo that has characters inserted in. Unfortunately, the size of the Stars in the foreground, the shape of the logo, and the blurriness of the White they used makes these characters uninteresting.

We Open with the Columbia Logo, animated to Put Sunglasses on to turn her torch in a Neuralizer, Because just like what we saw In Emoji Movie, enough money was thrown at this to fuck around with the logo!

We Open in Paris 2016, The Eiffel Tower is Really A beacon and Two MIB Agents (Liams Hemsworth and Neeson! have being assigned to the appending Disaster. The enemy is the Hive. A generic Omnivorous Incestoid species. Cutting off the flashback at the most exciting moment. We are put into...another flashback! one twenty years prior! In Brooklyn, New York, a Small Girl obsessed with space, wakes up hearing her Parent confront what was thought to be a wild animal...Except It wasn't. The agents Foreshadow that the Creature, A Transulent, Looks Cute but can quickly become Monsters. Not Bothering to check if the child is Asleep or if the creature is on site, Molly taken by the cute appearance of the alien, Hatches An Escape Plan, Before the creature leaves it says something in his language and Molly says it back to him, as he nods and smiles!

Present Day and Molly Is A Police Graduate, But Believes In Aliens Costing her jobs In FBI AND CIA, to the point she now works in a Call Centre. But It's a cover for her to track Aliens on the Call Centre's Dime. Molly Arrives at a Would be Crash Site Covered By a Construction Site. But Pigeons flying though the fence and disappearing Reveals it's a Hologram Covering up Aliens are real...and they reveal it by showing us the most Amateur Hour Costume Ever!

Seriously?

Is this Hollywood.....Or Ed Wood?

Tailing them in a taxi and wearing her own MIB Suit. Molly sneaks into MIB headquarters only to be Captured by New Controller O (Emma Thompson) Molly Pleads not to Neuralized but recruited instea...OH COME THE FUCK ON!

THIS IS THE PLOT TO THE FIRST MOVIE!

An African American Cop Stumbles into an Alien Conspiracy, is partnered with a white Veteran after a botched mission! IT'S THE FIRST MOVIE!

DID YOU THINK WE WERE STUPID?

Oh and to prove my Point O Gives A VERBATIM! speech Z gave Will Smith at this Juncture, even shovelling in Key Phrases "Scum Of the Universe" and " I look Dahm Good In Black!", Except M(olly) tuts over the Little Cricket, that small put overpowered Gun....Because Will Smith Used that Gun but she won't because this Film is Different to the 1st film, For all of you saying, defending this, "It's Similar, But Different!"

Well....

iT'S nOT tHe sAME, iT'S dIFFERENT! 
iT'S nOT tHE sAME, iT'S dIFFERENT!

So O sends Agent M to London, Where Agent H (Hemsworth) is breaking up an Alien Alcohol Smuggling Ring (And Getting Rat-Arsed From It in the process!) When he is attacked by his hosts when his identity is rumbled. In the Fight, He's Bitten by A 3 headed Snake and Dying of Venom, The Wife of the Gangster, a Humanoid that has 2 Tentacles instead of 2 Arms is about to cure her Husband who is also dying of being Envenomated, when Agent H tells her he'll do ANYTHING for the cure!

Sure Enough, H wakes up after A night of Tentacle Woman Love (12 RATED CHILDREN'S FILM!) As Molly Boards the Train that's really a Spaceship to Europe.

After making the Obvious Joke that the biggest Asshole in British Media an Alien, We Meet T (Neeson) now High-T. The Controller of MIB London Branch, So he's not Dead, but No Longer a Field Agent So my claim of "iT'S nOT tHE sAME, iT'S dIFFERENT!" Still stands!

After first day tomfoolery, M is gifted a Compass by High T to remind her Every Journey Starts with a single step.

And knowing this franchise, watch the compass really be a dwarf star or the Chosen One Golden Child to a race of Compass-People or some shit!

In Marrakesh (Because we never would have guessed without Belly-dancer Music Blaring in the background!) The power goes out and as a man fixes a fuse-box 2 cloud like aliens shock the man to death, Melting him into a puddle and Steal his Image, Oh look Aliens Kill a man and uses his image to blend in- LIKE THE FIRST FILM! But it's two Aliens because iT'S nOT tHE sAME fILM, iT'S dIFFERENT!

The twins Go to an Antique Store to request the aliens Being Harboured, Tiny Aliens who's armour and technology Pass as Chess Pieces. These are Assassins and they have being threatened to provide their Services.

Back in London, H has Sobered Up and returned to London Base. We Learn Gustav Eiffel was in fact a MIB agent and his Tower was a Beacon to guide Alien Refugees, Before it was hijacked by the Hive. Speaking Of H and T defeated the Hive years ago. So the Burnout Agent H is still treated as a Hotshot, to the annoyance of MIB''s Quartermaster, C. A Time Controlling Alien Agent uses her powers to slow and reverses his walking past her to check him out until she's scolded, She also has a Northern English Accent!

So the Prince of the Jaibati (as in Jeibated, the gamer term for Hoodwinked, like we were Hoodwinked that this was an original film!) A humanoid Whale Species that can sense Truth from Touch, Is coming to Earth to Party, So he needs a chaperone or Trade between the planets are in Jeopardy. And Surprise, but Not Really, He's the Target for the Chess People and the Cloud twins.

In An Ovivous Twist, the rookie is Straight Laced and the Mentor is a wild-card. M meets her new partner offically by waking him up. After all Banging a Kawaii Cthulu-girl Takes it out of you!

So M and H Meet Prince Fungus in a secret Club where it's implyed that It's full of Aliens and Human Into Aliens....And it does Happen in the Extended Universe, like the Cartoon, But these are Human's going out of there way to Get STDS FROM ETS...which is completely crushes MIB mythos down a sinkhole! M has lied to H about knowing about the culture of Jaibati (Either M wants to prove herself by being teamed with the top agent and get off Probation early or M is likely gonna be written like she's the Martha to his Doctor Who!)

M and H get into an Argument about the lies they told each other (Basically , M did learn about Jaibati culture she would have known, that Females in front of the royals are treated as Gifted Concubines!) Fungus quickly Subdues himself to tell H something important, But H is too Busy Partying. Fungus grabs his hands to shake him but the glow from the tumors on his wrists startle him. The Cloud Twins Enter and Start Dancing...But them Dancing as they keep eye contact on Fungus Raises Red Flags One shoots a Bolt of Lighting that carries a small dart that Heatseeks Fungus and he collapses. He's Bundled into a car and it's less that an mile when the Car explodes and is launched 30 feet into the air, Trapping the Prince Inside. The Agents go to Arrest the Cloud Twins only for them to literally dance over the heroes. The MIB towncar is it's own Garrison, As pulling on Car Parts reveals Shelves of Guns and Ammunition held together by Hammerspace, Too Bad the twins are Cloud which means being Gaseous and incorporeal means that Bullets go through them. That when they use Heat and Magnetism to turn the metal around them into Liquid before forming it into a drill Bit to finish Fungus. Fungus in his dying Breath, Gives M an Amethyst, warning her that Something Evil Lurks in The Men in Black.

Backup Arrives, As soon as they do, the twins are Beamed onto a ship and it flies away. The Morning In the Office (Which has a Picture of Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones Fighting the Bugs-The ONLY Mention of the films before it!) The Cloud Creatures are officially the Dynand-A planet Under Hive Control-The Hive are like a combination of the Borg from Star Trek and The Kiratine from Doctor who- A Hivemind that Subjugates a Species from the cellular level and Shares out their abilities to their swollen numbers! Agent C, A bootlicker with a grudge against H, wants to Invoke ARTICLE 13!

NO WONDER FUNGUS DIDN'T TRUST MIB! THE BASTARDS WANT TO TAKE AWAY OUR MEMES!

Actually the Article is just as bad. It's a Mass Memory Wipe and firing.

But M (Not revealing the Crystal she obtained!) points out only a dozen agents knew Fungus was on Earth. There is a Mole in MIB!

High-T Now pairs M with C, AS the Quartermaster needs to arm agents with Weapons Capable of fighting Both Incorporeal and Virulent Beings. High T is sick with of H's Slacking off and Much Like what fungus said, H has Changed. M is off the Case...Not that he listens as he barges into C's R&D Department.

WHAT EVIL TRULY LURKS IN MIB? WHAT POWER DOES THE AMETHYST HOLD? WHAT ABOUT THE COMPASS?

ALL TO BE REVEALED NEXT WEDNESDAY (9/6/2021) ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE

2 TICKETS TO HELL: THE MACHINATIONS OF THE MARA: PART 2 OF PART 2: DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS, PART 2

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE...)

After saving the world, Eamonn invited his friends to the Paradise Planet of Harmonis, to meet His Benefactor of the Galactic G-men...and his lover, Sabaru. Humanoid creature called a Mara, a creature that feeds off the dreams and fear of intelligent life, though she is reformed, they have touchdown on the Planet, as Eamonn is reviewing the latest Dvd to regain his power....

That DVD Is Dinner for Schmucks, the kind of rom-com-vom Paul Rudd did before becoming Ant-Man! A Stockbroker has a chance to get a promotion if he finds an Idiot for public Ridicule at his boss' dinner party. When Tim (Rudd) encounters Corpse-Mouse Sculptor Barry Speck (Steve Carrell), who in the space of 2 days, Injures Tim, Contacts Tim's Stalker and possibly ran his fiance into the Arms of another man, a pretentious Russel Brand Stand-in, who owns a Secret Ranch...which is where we leave off!)

 Barry's Real Job is as a Tax Inspector and If Kirin Owns a Ranch, It's Upkeep will be Listed as an Expenditure on his Tax Returns, which will have the address of the Ranch! So they take a trip to the IRS office to meet Thurman (Zack Gallifinakis), An Agnostic data Cruncher who's work with deal with liars all day, has convinced him he has Mind control powers. And this is where anything to save Barry's Character falls flat. He BELIEVES IN SUPERSTITION AND THE SUPERNATURAL! All Thurman has to do is say I have mind control and Barry clams up. Thurman wants to "Use his power" to make Barry say that he can have his Pudding, When Tim says he'll give Barry a $1000 dollars of Pudding. Thurman tells Tim he'll Audit him for "Having that much money to spend on just Pudding" I guess Semantics is a thing that only happens to other people if you work for the IRS! Tim now has another headache thanks to Barry's "Help" and still doesn't have the address to the Ranch! It Just Get's Worse!

Angry with Barry once again, Tim sees a Car dress up with the Redhead woman meeting Thurman. The Woman is Barry's Ex-Wife, Martha. You'll Remember the first scene of Barry making the Dioramas? Well Female Mice was always Redheads so it was a recreation of His former love life. Tim hears Thurman call the woman "Pudding" and so Tim realizes it was not about Food! This has broken Tim dowm so he lets Barry stay in his demolished Home.

Barry keeps spinning Tim's mind about Judy supposedly cheating on Him. Are you use to the Phrase "It Get's Worse" Yet? Because Guess What? Turns out Barry likes to watch people in their sleep! So the only Tim can deal is to treat Barry like a child and have him watch Youtube cat Videos til he laughs himself to sleep, Oblivious to Tim Crying himself to sleep. Tim Finds Barry's portfolio and pictures of Dioramas of the breakdown of Barry and Martha's Marriage.

BUT NEVERMIND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OR THAT BULLSHIT!

Let's have Tim Continue to Treat Barry like a child as he goes to work, Giving him a Bowl Of cereal and tells him to sit Until he returns for the Dinner....But wouldn't you know it! HE'S FORGOTTEN HIS PHONE TOO! And the message was his work telling him the new address to meet Mueller.

And Because Barry takes what he is told at face Value, He runs after Tim, Still in the chair, carrying the furniture like a turtle on his Back. Tim is in the new address, because like all appointment based jobs he went to his secretary to confirm his meetings, But Barry doesn't know that! and since they are not friends the only mutual person who would know Where Tim is...is his Stalker, Darla! The Muellers have an Unfortunate Encounter with Barry has he's Accidentally Racist to the Swiss! I never thought a comedy that has both David Walliams and Steve Carrell exchanging lines would be Torture to listen to so Fast Forward Reveals Darla finding the Ring-Box on Tim's Person, and since The Muellers have NOT meet Julie (And Of course, Barry is no Help!) Tim Proposes to Julie....as the real Julie Arrives! Tim tries to salvage his relationship by saying he trusts her, she got the message from Kirin to go to his Ranch ...except she didn't....she didn't get the message....she left THE PHONE AT HIS FLAT! So angry about being called a cheater she now goes to Kirin's Ranch! ANDHERE COMES THE STUPIDIST THING ABOUT REALLY BAD ROM-COMS1 WHEN THE WRONGLY ACCUSED SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS!

"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF A THING? I'M SO MAD, I'M GONNA DO THE THING YOU ACCUSED ME OF, OUT OF SPITE!" But She Says it's her Job and She want her to be part of "The Artistic Process"...Aka Bang her, But when he reveals he only knows because he broke into Kirin's house, she Drives off!

By the way, did we Resolve who's voice Laughter it was in the Voicemail Since it seems it's not Julie's , was it one of the models During Kirin's Furry Sex, I don't Remember Them Laughing During The Scene!

Barry, in a State of Good Sense, Picks up Tim in Tim's car, only for Darla to Attack with a Sign-Post! But All this was to prove A point and her to have a Shiny rock for her to Pawn Off!

With Tim telling Barry it's all his fault. Barry Calls Thurman to Concede, getting the Address in Nevada for Kirin's Ranch. As Kirin tries and nearly succeeds in seducing Julie, Until Tim and Barry arrive to see Kirin come out as Dressed as a faun! Julie seeing her boss like this catches her on that Tim told the truth....even if it meant he broke into a house because he couldn't trust her! It's all Barry's fault what does he know about relationships when he couldn't stop his own from breaking down...And Barry hears all of it!

Julie is returning to Tim after the show, But Barry has sussed out that the Dinner is a contest for Losers. Barry returns home and goes to Destroy his works, Until he gets an Idea one that involved the return Mouse-Corpse of Tim being redressed as a Groom....

It's the Night of the Dinner and It seems Mueller had to be told by Fender the situation. Fender wants Mueller's Money or Fender Finance will be Done and Tim will never work as a stockbroker again, as long as Fender is around!

It's the night of the Dinner for Schmucks and Barry has arrived early, Playing along as a penance to Tim, But the Competition is high, including A Bipolar Ventiliquist, a Vulture-Wrangler, a Competitive beard-grower, A Pet Psychic and A Cameo by Chris O'Dowd as a Blind French Fencer (He was not Blind by Birth but by Stupidity, so in the same logic of this film you can ridicule the self-inflicted!)

So Dinner is served, And Each Contestant Has a Chance to Embarrass Themselves For Fender and Mueller's Amusement. Because Barry is aware, and wants to make up to Tim so he can have the promotion, acts extra pathetic, Though It's tough when the Pet Psychic is served a Lobster and starts "channeling the lobster's spirit" Screaming like she's being boiled in water! Barry shows off a display of Dioramasa, which basically the Youtube video "Whole History of the world, I Guess"...In Mouse form...Until he says Francis Bacon invented Bacon....Though what do i expect when a woman Pantomiming being boiled in a pot is a tough act to follow?

10 Dioramas Later and Barry has revealed his last, a wedding of Mouse Julie and Mouse Tim getting Married, It looks like Tim will win...Until Mr Filch, reveals Thurman, who uses his "MIND-CONTROL" on Barry to make him reveal Dirty secrets about him! Tim is disgusted and in the backroom tells Barry what's up, But Barry knows, and he wants Tim to get this Promotion because he ruined it with Him and Julie! So Barry is Smarter than Tim gives credit for and he wants Barry to win, FOR BARRY, Sadly Superstition cannot be cured, so Barry is still pliable enough for Tim to tell Barry he has, and i quote  "Brain-Control, which is more powerful than Mind-control because the brain tells the mind what to do!" They then proceed to mime a gun fight with Mind Powers, until Thurman gets a taste of his Medicine when Barry blackmails him about his sex-life..which he only knows because Thurman always made Martha cheat on Barry in her house!

The Display of Stupidity Makes Barry the Winner...only for Tim to tell Fender to take his job and Shove it, Barry only did this so Tim will have the money to support his fiance, a fiance he may not have when he comes home! Mueller however thinks Barry is a Ringer and since Mueller is a Rich Idiot who squandered Millions on Garish Art, he accuses Fender of inviting him as his idiot. When the other Guests realizes what has happened. It sets off a change of Events that starts with the Blind fencer chopping off Muellers Finger and it eaten by the Vulture, and ends with Fender's Mansion set on fire!

When Tim and Barry return to the flat, it seems Julie has not. Tim spills his guts about how much she loves her and It's a good scene except ,they already did the "(S)He's Behind me, Isn't (S)he?" trope already and unless it's a running joke, which it isn't! you should never use a trope twice!

And so our film ends with Mouse-Corpse Diaramas telling us what happened Next. Tim and Barry remained friends as do the other Schmucks, Barry and Kirin collabed on works and toured worldwide. Tim and Mueller opened a Modern Art Museum (With Barry sculpting a statue of Martin's severed Finger!) Barry and Darla hooking up, Thurman locked up in an Insane Asylum . And Tim and Julie got Married. Barry tried to surprise them in Paris, only for Her to "Curate Tim....MANY TIMES!"

THIS FILM IS DIVISIVE TO SAY THE LEAST,

There is a heart in this film, but you really need to dig deep to find it! Tim is an asshole, Barry is a mixture of Mid-Life Crisis, Supernational Believer and tone-deaf Autistic Stereotypes that Frankensteining all the tropes together means no-one can be offended, if all things are offended at once! This film doesn't work because the Idiot is not someone who is awe-inspiring, or tough in his adversity or Earnest. All his misfortunes is Barry's own doing! Even his attempts to help fail because he doesn't know, or in the worse case, refuses to listen to, WHY! this went wrong! It gets better during the end, but you have to endure 40 minutes of very bad, cringeworthy questionable humour. Only watch if your salt intake isn't at Dead Sea Levels!

AND NOW TO THE LAST CHAPTER OF SABOTAGE BY SLEEP.

Led to a Romanesque Amphitheater, on a wide Plinth looking like a stage, Eamonn was recharging his power-glove and sealing away  the power of the Devil Dvd. However this was different he was not floating in the air, in a state of sleep, his eyelids twitching in rapid R.E.M.s

"Ah....a Piece of your Power masquerading as Human Knowledge. You are are indeed still a creature of Habit, Beelzebub!" Sabaru Joking said as she slid on her arm seductively and possessively down the floating man's arm, ending with her Nailed Hand clasping his like a vice. "My Signee has told me so!"

-Yeah about that, "Signees!" what is that all about?

(Sabaru closes her eyes, and Bowed her head. Her Smiling Red Lips went to a neutral expression for the first time!)

you Remember the War?

-Wot War?

-The Cognitive war Between Beings who called themselves "Gods", The Cosmic Entities and those that were labelled "Demons", Beezlebub, Minor Entities that control the flow of time, And my race the Mara, Our Race were Vile, Feasting and growing fat of the Fear of a New Species that just Feel out of the tree and started Walking, Humans. The Battlefield was their minds and the Prize their worship. Bit in a twist it was Humans that fought back. The Human Dante was tasked by Beelzebub here to create a narrative of a then non-existent hell, only for the wily Scribe to write it as a Prison, and if something is believed, it becomes so. Without a Leader, Minor Entities, like The Reaper, The Elephant in the Room, those involved in the seasons turned on Demon and out-matched, The Cosmic Entities gave up their Godly status and Physical Forms and used the power to seals us in the Hammerspace, a world between reality and dreams, Scrounging up an existence, feeding on Nightmares of the sleeping, fighting over who can eat it like starving Dogs! All because of the Entities, and their Pride and their Games.

-SOCCER!

-WHAT!

I GETZ IT! 

To be fair, i'm not as clevererererer as Ye, Da Divil or any Townie, but I knowz Soccer! Ye are as Powerful as them Enter-Teas who play wif da souls ov men like Da Gawds ov Grease! like Prawns on a Cheeseboard!

But you are knot making Eamonn a Prawn, you are making Eamonn a Player.

You are makin' your own League! Your own Game Ov Souls!

-My...My....These Humans....they are more Clever than what you give credit for!

(Stirring to awake, Eamonn descended gently onto the plinth, propping himself to  a sitting position. He was helped up to his feet by Sabaru, as They turned the pull into an embrace)

So, What did you talk about while i was out. Hopefully about me not returning to Earth 1.

-WHAT

-WOT?

"Oh I Forgot!" The blonde said with feigned Ignorance. "But now time like the Present..." She continued, her tone becoming more bitter as she spoke!

Eamonn is under Contract to serve the Galactic G-men as a whole! We do not deal in Sector, we are dispatched when needed. And Granted Eamonn is powerful, He had Training and access to the tools needed at that time, Such as it were. The Track Record speaks for itself! Defeating Beelzebub, The Master Control, The Leader, Edwin Tantalus....And Yet 7 Billion Terrans on Earth. And none GIVE HIM THE RESPECT HE IS DUE!

-BUT IT CAN'T BE THE ONLY REASON!

Sabaru laughed. Her frightening face, softened once more

"You are Right, Beelzebub!"

Daddy! Mama!

(A Young girl, ran from a servant and climbed awkardedly like a toddler her Age, she Raised her Arms above the head toward Eamonn, Squeezing her little palms over and over as she cried for Attention.)

Hiya, Baby! Have you being A Good Girl?

OH HOLY GAWD! SHE CALLED DADA? YOU DIDN'T?

....AND WITH A MARA? EAMONN YOU DIDN'T....

(SatanicOstrich Used his power to detect Sins. He could feel Eamonn. Joe-Jack and Sabaru with the weight of their Souls were practically Burning. but he Focus on the Baby...)

(IMPOSSIBLE!)

Joe-Jack we have to Leave!

-Huh? Why?

-Sabaru is right! Eamonn cannot return to Earth unless he wants to. Besides. I think the Humans are in Danger if we don't go back!

(With Tears and Regrets. Our Heroes Board the Train to Hell as it flew from the skies of Harmonis back to Earth's Galaxy. Sabaru looked on with a smug look on her Face. Her League to make the Greatest Team of Heroes will Succeed.

EVEN IF IT MEANT MAKING SURE OTHERS DIED FAILING!

THE END!

CREDITS

I Love You Man and Dinner for Schmucks were Reviewed, Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli)

WITH MEDIA FROM

I Love you, Man.

Derry Girls

Dinner For Schmucks.

Both films are property of Paramount. All Rights Reserved. All media used in all four parts belong to their respective Owners!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE.

THE NEW STORYLINE-A GAME OF 2 HALVES AND NO QUARTER-BEGINS WITH MEN IN BLACK INTERNATIONAL!

2 TICKETS TO HELL: THE MACHINATION OF THE MARA: PART 1 OF PART 2: Dinner for Schmucks, PART 1

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...

The Search for Answers continues off the planet as Our 2 anti-heroes followed Eamonn's Ship to Planet Harmonis, a tropical paradise that is inhabited by Anthros. A planet were Eamonn and his Manager/Lover makes Home. This "Woman" Sabaru, seemingly knows SatanicOstrich.

"You are...NO! ARE YOU? I TOUGHT YOU WERE..."

"DEAD? MY SPECIES IS! I AM CALLED SABARU OF THE MARA, THE LAST OF MY KIND

"WOT'S A MARA WEN ITS AT HOME"

"A Demon. and a dangerous one at that! You heard of "Nightmares"? That's a Mara, all the time! A Parasite that lives off the subconscious and conscious mind of high level creatures."

Why Beelzebub, look at you with you Specist Reasoning? I Heard from my Signees from Earth How Eamonn Saved Hell with your Help! Look at you, You big Softie, Saving the mortals

If you save a mortal, it would be as a midnight snack!

Yes. and what Good did Living off Humans do? We lost the Cognitive War to the Cosmic Entities and they sealed us in the Hammerspace, Only for the strongest, the Last of her Kind to be free. And for what why feed on dreams. when i can make them?

Wot do you Mean?

I'll show you! Eamonn can create great power from his reviews, does he not?

what are you driving at?

come to the amphitheatre, it's time!

(AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!)

 Ladies and Gentlemen, the plot to the whole film, in one picture!

But this is a finale so have to dig deeper and OOH BOY! The Opening scene sees a man's hands Creating a Diorama of a Romantic Date....Out of Stuffed Dead Mice!

Leave this to one side for a moment, As we cut to a Generic Business Agency and a man being fired. Tim Conrad (Paul Rudd)  and his co-workers wonder who will get Kavanaugh's Office. At meeting with the CEO of Fender Financial, Pitches his Idea: A Recently Acquired  storage Bin of Dud Cold war Era Bombs...and the Lamps that can he made from them! The lamps are Trash but a Swiss Rich Idiot who collects Kitsch Art is interested. They Will sell the lamps at a loss, but hope to Gain Martin Muellers Portfolio. It seems like it has tanked But Fender is impressed so he invites him to  Dinner on Saturday....But it's a special Dinner, To gain Favour, The Invited Worker Must bring an Idiot for Ridicule. If their "Guest" Wins, It's a shoe in for promotion and a raise. But there is a catch, to in fact 2, 1) It's a secret and 2) It cant be just a Bum or Prostitute, It has to be someone who has put work into Stupidity!

Tim Needs this Promotion, He wants to Marry his Fiance, who is a Curator. While she makes a lot of money, Tim's Work at a Stockbroker is a stable job. We meet The Artist that Julie is Curating. Kirin (Jermaine Clement) Who looks like Russel Brand, Is an Artist who Paints Horrific Self Portraits Out of Animal Dung and Blood. 

And it's not outsourced as he brags about having a ranch were he recently Birthed one of his Zebras and used the placenta to paint his latest piece of pretension, a self portrait with the foal with him as Jesus!

After the Unveiling, Tim and Julie have Dinner at a restaurant and Tim Tells his fiancee about the "Dinner for Winners", She Disgusted and tells him off for even thinking about it! And Tim wasn't going to until the next day he runs over Steve Carrell.

Barry Speck (Carrell), The Pair of Hands That were Making Dioramas Out of Dead Mice, was Ran over while he was Salvaging Another Mouse Corpse. He Proceeds to Haggle money for HIM TO GIVE Tim for Being Hit by his car. Before Showing him his latest Diorama of the Last Supper-made with Mice, Gifting the Stockbroker with Mouse Jesus. 

Finding Barry after being in two minds about the Dinner, Tim takes it as a sign, calling Barry "A chicken that plucked itself to be Eaten", Only to be interrupted by Mr Fender and Martin Mueller (David Walliams, who looks NOTHING Like the actor they used for the Photos Used in Scene 2!) Despite being only an Analyst, Tim's knowledge of Modern Art ( thanks in no small Part to being in a relationship with a curator!) Gets in Mueller's good books. Fender also tells his right-hand man, Filch, who is also contending for the office, that using employees with stable relationships over dinner with clients and wives in a great move, since Men always consult their wife on decisions!

Meeting Julie at home, She finds Mouse Jesus in Tim's Pocket, When he explains who he is, she's angry that he's going along with this! He says he wont ever see Barry again as they argue in the lift....only for Barry to Arrive!

Mistaking Tim for being stuck in a elevator he pulls him out, injuring his Back. Barry is here because he got his dates wrong, and because he was invited for "Dinner" he wont leave til he's fed! Barry Attempt of First Aid ("A Human's Spine is no Different than a Mouse's!) only makes things worse! Tim Tries to ring Julie only for her to leave her Phone at home (PLOT POINT!) Actually it can get worse, as Tim is gifted a mouse version of himself!

When Tim crawls for a back Brace, Barry Hears an Email message chine and answers it. It's a hooker called Darla that has being stalking Tim for 3 years and Barry who's.... Special, Answer it prints out a picture of Darla's ass cheeks and sets up the Side-Plot shenanigans, Ending with Barry giving Darla  his address. Tim tells Barry to leave, but Barry tells him he'll "make it up to him"

It get's worse as This involves Using the picture of  Darla's ass cheeks to Recognize wrongly Julie. Julie puts 2 and 2 together and tries to warn Barry about the Dinner, he calls her Darla. Barry's limited vocab and lack of Context  and Lack of Semantics with what he told, makes put Tim is a cheater and causes Julie to run out! He also thinks Julie has being Cheating on him with Kirin, (I BET THAT'S NOT ALL SHE'S CURATED!" ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE!) As stupid as Barry is, he's smart enough to use contacts to open Kirin's Number and Accuse Kirin on Barry's behalf...Only to hear what sounds like Julie's Laugh in the Background! It Seemed Dumbass has a Point and Tim has Barry rent free in his head about her cheating! Tim is no shape to drive so He has to teach Barry on the Spot, because it would be insensitive to him to say he is "An Excellent Driver!"

Barry Breaks Into Kirin Apartment, After throwing Tim's carkeys at the window to get his attention. Kirin's cat is attracted to the Mouse corpse in Barry's Pocket. Revealing Himself to a Half -Naked Kirin, Tim follows the two to Reveal Kirin's Secret-He is a Furry! But with Kirin pretending to be a film-maker, Kirin Reveals one other thing, He always sleeps with female co-workers, he even calls it a name -"THE ARTISTIC PROCESS!"

They return to the flat, Barry see's Julie picture and calls her Darla, only for the Penny to drop for Tim. that's when Darla in all her Hysterical Inglory, Arrives just as Julie calls him, so she puts his phone down her tights and locks Tim in a storeroom. She tries to have roleplay with Barry who has a thin grasp at reality already! Not having any sex makes Drives Darla to Domicile Destruction (I LOVE ALLITERATION!) And Tim breaks out to find his flat destroyed! He finds Julie's phone that she left. There is a voice message from Kirin asking her to go to his ranch to "Put the Horse in The Stable!" Knowing what they now know, Barry thinks it's code for dong "YOU-KNOW-WHAT!" (At first he thought it was about Heroin!) But now learning Kirin cant keep it in his trousers! He wants to stop him from stealing his woman!

WILL TIM GET JULIE BACK? WILL BARRY CONTINUE TO BE A NUISANCE? AND AS FOR OUR HEROES CAN THEY TRULY TRUST SABARU? AND WHAT DID SEE MEAN BY SIGNEES?

THE ANSWERS WILL SHOCK YOU NEXT TIME ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!