TICKET TO HELL 2026-RED NOTICE (AKA THE GOLDEN EGG FILM!) PART 1

( Ticket To Hell. The Two deaths of E.THE FINAL CHAPTER 

PART ONE, Births and Funerals.

to recap, our hero, A fictionized version of myself, was kidnaped by two bounty Hunters, one a German Plague Doctor and the other, a creature who took the form of a memory of something that frightened Eamonn as a child and claimed to be death. 

The ones who issued the bounty were Automatons called the Appraiser of Will, Creatures who are Equal to The Many Cosmic Entities we have seen before, but rather than those who play with the Souls of men like a Game, or mark the passage of time with Holidays, These Appraisers of Will, are Both Curators and Relics of their Realm of The Grey Area, the place concepts, ideas and even whole living beings, are taken to be Appraised. To be tested if their will to live is to be extended or left to run out. For a year, as one of the last few text reviewers, Eamonn is subject to humiliation and ridicule by Higher Alien beings.

Until one day doing his reviews, he stumbled on an Evolved power, Similar to The Devil's Dvd that Spurned the Story Starting all those years ago. He found freedom once again by reevaluating his powers, if bad films are no longer bound to physical items, he too must be digital, with the guidance of a mysterious voice, Our hero took power from this realm, and Cloaked in new 8-bit armour, he Became the Pilgrim of The Digital Frontier.

In our world, With Eamonn taken to the Grey Area, His disappearance was treated like a cover-up. Everyone who knew him, acted like he never existed, only by a series of mishaps that could be thwarted by Eamonn's Existence and some Cajoling by Ostrich, did Joe-Jack and the Visiting Cosmic Entities Remember Eamonn. Though the Return of Yusef, Joe-Jack's Counterpart from Earth-3 and the revenge of Sabaru and Eighties Lad when they returned from their Pocket Dimensional prison. 

After a skirmish, The heroes convinced the villians and Vigilante to a temporary truce for their own ends. Jusef to return home and Edwin and Sabaru who were convinced they had a given right to kill Eamonn to satisfy their revenge! With The Cosmic Entities powers they got to the Grey Area.  However, the Human members soon Succumbed to the Overwhelming Sense of Depression the Realm for forgotten things produces. But their fought through when they remembered their purposes. 

While they arrived to break Eamonn out, the Cosmic Entities, revealed there was more afoot with the Appraisers of Will. 

One of them Had Malfunctioned and is a Traitor. According to the Entities, one of them had reverted to its base emotions, rather than performing tasks properly. It was Chesed, the Being of Kindess, Eamonn's Ally into escape, who shocked everyone when she of all Creatures had hidden on her Model. What is Chesed's Endgame and surely what real harm can Kindess do to the world?

Chapter 2 will be after the Review section

AND FOR NOW,  BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED REVIEW!)

November the 21st 2021 (or November the 22nd If you were in Europe!)

WWE had it's Annual Survivor Series Pay-per-view in the Barclay's Centre in Brooklyn, New York.

As One of WWE'S "Big Five" Events, Survivor Series is an Important date on the Wrestling sphere's calendar.

But the 2021 edition was a day of greater Import.

25 years ago on this Night, "The Rock" would debut.

And the Rock Celebrated this fact....By Not turning up!

However, WWE Didn't just settle for showing clips of the Rock to pad the show, WWE would kill two birds with one Stone-Acknowledge the Milestone, while Providing Promotional consideration for Rock's new film at the time-Red Notice

So what happened Next Blew all the matches out of the water-This was so Bad, this segment is the only thing people remember. The Only thing they Remember is Vince McMahon's Limo and him greeted by a sea of Jobbers who heard him proclaim that The Rock gave him The Golden Egg From the Movie!

"AND EVERYONE HATED THAT!"

With his Advanced Age, his tired ideas and his sins Catching up with him, from 2022 to the year he was ousted 2024, Any stupid Idea and decision was Blamed on the Golden Egg Era!

Having a hate-boner for Muslims? Golden Egg!

Making Corpse-Poker a Champion? Golden Egg!

Firing 60 British Talents and treating their Contracts And Lives like a Tax Deductible? Golden Egg!

But why do we remember This Badly and not be Angry with other Wrestling Promotional Consideration?

Dave Bautista around at the same time, was in Army of the Dead and he didn't turn up on WWE either, instead WWE Promoted the film with a tag match where all the lumberjacks (Extras to ensure noone escapes the ring!) were Las Vegas-themed Zombies....

Including Zombie Elvis! (as the Premise of the film was a Bank raid in a zombie infected Vegas-It's terrible-So terrible I don't need to review it!)

But why do people Hate the Red Notice Promotion and not remember the Army of the Dead promotion?

well that's simple!

Batista is NOT The Rock!

On paper, Dwayne Johnson and Dave Bautista have comparable careers-Both have Headlined Wrestlemania, both have being world champions, Both have won the Royal Rumble and both went to Hollywood before retiring for good!

However the Rock is a bigger star, his era of wrestling was the hottest era with the WWF in a 3 company war for the hearts and minds of a whole generation.

Batista was from the Era straight after, while Wrestling didn't cool down quickly, It was the era where WWE was starting to monopolize the sport, TNA Was ran by a complete idiot, Ring of Honour would have it's stars go to WWE, and every so often Uncle Dave Melty-Head would get a tingle in his loins about some Untelevised Match in the Tokyo Dome!

But Did WWE's terrible promotion kill this franchise-Or has Red Notice done enough by itself?

Well let's finally check out this exhibition on Red Notice, But to see the artifacts you need admission (UN)luckily you have a.....TICKET TO HELL!

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 12 FOR VIOLENCE, INNUENDO, AND THREAT. THIS FILM IS INTENDED FOR AN ADULT AUDENCE, AND AS SUCH I WILL BE USING ADULT LANGUAGE, WHICH WILL BE CENSORED, DUE TO GOOGLE'S TERMS OF SERVICE!

Promotional art for this on Netflix is Rock The Dwayne, Gal Gadot and Ryan Reynolds posing, which is lame! 

We know this film is bad because it's formed from that Cradle of Evil since Time Immemorial-ANCIENT EGYPT!

"DIO'S THEME INTENSIFIES!"

As AI Nat Geo host Voice Drones on about the Abridged history of the love between Cleopatra and Mark Anthony, we go into the plot that the Roman general Gifted golden eggs to the female pharaoh, 2 were Found, 1 is on Display in Rome, the second has being auctioned Many times. Will we ever find the Lost third Egg?

That is up to whoever is working with scanning technology and Metalurgy to make a fake Golden Egg!

We get the title Drop and the Definition of what a Red Notice is-It's the highest level of arrest warrant issued by Interpol!

We cut to Rome, during a dramatic Car Chase, out of one car given a police escort is Johnson who is playing an Interpol agent who just arrived at a museum. 

Some British woman exposits that Johnson is Agent John Hartley, as museum staff even Doubt Hartley is a real Profiler. She continues that Hartley got word that the egg in the collection is to be stolen by one Nolan Booth, as informed by "The Bishop "-A Person the Curator says is nothing more than quote "A Boogeyman of the Art World, a Catch-All excuse, when Incompetent police can't find Thieves".

Using thermal cameras on the Egg at Display and Six class science, Gold Conducts Heat as well as electricity and Radiation, the thermal cameras shows the Egg is not white hot to yellow, But completely Blue on thermal cameras. In other words...

The Curator can't Believe he's being had, But when Agent Hartley finds a kid with a can of Coca-Cola. 

1) How Convenient to find an English speaker in Italy! 2) as Hartley said, Food and drink are not allowed in Museums, I've been to Statlely Homes that have been converted into Museums, and I can tell you that family would be thrown out and banned Verbally for not acknowledging the rules.

So Hartley Spills the Coke (All the while with logo facing the camera) and the Golden Egg Dissolves into Brown mush, all the while Nolan Booth (Reynolds) looks on as his crime is being foiled.

The agents call for the Viewing room to he sealed, just as Booth makes a run for it! Sorry Rocky, your athletic prowess is no match for Reynolds' Whippet like legs and being wirey enough to fit through door frames, as Hartley is now Stuck. A smoke bomb thrown by Booth only makes things worse,  Reynolds' Stunt double LE PARKOUR'S to Safety dealing with Security Guards with one giving a Wilhelm Scream out for good measure. 

Hartley has Booth at Gunpoint, With Booth stalling for time, The British Agent, Das, comes in shouting at Booth to move, (Wait that can't be right!) So The Thief smashes through a window like Father Jack and down a Conveniently placed Tube slide, with Hartley chasing him on the outside climbing across a ledge to an Equally Conveniently Placed Ladder. 

Speaking of Conveniently Placed, when Nolan steals a scooter, THERE JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE a Gala of some sort with some Well-To-Do Couple getting Paparazzied on front of a Ferrari, which Hartley steals. We get five seconds of Sabotage by the Beasty Boys, before the Ferrari is totaled by a Hippy Van!

Silly Rock The Dwayne! This isn't Fast and The Furious 28! Nolan gets away!

We cut to Bali, Indonesia 56 hours later-Thanks to a Caption. Nolan is on a speedboat sailing towards a beach resort, Where Booth enjoys his ill gotten gains, only for Hartley's Voice to echo behind him! And while he's out of his Jurisdiction,  He can inform local police, as a swat team, storm in and surrounding Booth. 

Booth is a complete idiot of a Thief, Proudly Displaying the things he has Stolen.

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? THE BRITISH MUSEUM?

Hartley Psychoanalyses Booth and Claims he commits crimes because his father never loved him.

Oh Yes!

The Elon Musk Syndrome!

Realizing "The Bishop" Betrayed him, Booth is arrested for his crimes. The Golden egg is put on a Separate Van from Booth, under the suggestion of Agent Das. And sure Enough the Egg is given to A swat member who is clearly a Shapely Caucasian Women even if most of her body besides Her eyes and hands are covered. 

AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW WHO WON THE PONY, BUT THE ONLY SIX FOOT CAUCASIAN WOMEN SWAT OFFICER IN ALL OF INDONESIA WAS GAL GADOT?

PART 2 WILL BE RELEASED NEXT WEEK!

(Eamonn's Dialogue and review in Black)

Joe-Jack's Dialogue in blue

Edwin/Eighties Lad's Dialogue in Orange

Saburu's Dialogue in Gold

The Cosmic Entities Dialogue's in Green

Yusef's Dialogue in Aqua

Chesed's Dialogue in Pink, Bolded and Underlined as to denote a sense of authority!

The 2 Deaths of E.THE FINAL CHAPTER 

Part 2. How Dangerous can Kindness Be? You'd be surprised.

To say the others we surprised by Joe-Jack's accusation, was an understatement. But as he explained that the Entities or "Da God Babbies" as he called them said the Malfunctioning Traitor was a "she" and since Binah, the other female voice tried to convince Chesed not to do whatever she planned to do.

She made an indignant noise. Then another. Then Another, soon she was repeating the same recording of the noise until it developed into a crazy laugh. Like one of Countess laughs. 

Bra(ehehe) vo! You Finally (Hehe) got it! Actually. Flip it. Reserve it. You got what I wanted. 

Before they could react, A Hidden grappling hook attached onto Sabaru. The limbs connecting point opened like a flower, and a pestil like Syringe drew blood, and as quick it fired, it retracted back to Chesed. 

"The power you have, to Create Life, not only because you are an organic Female, but your species' quirk to warp organic matter into your Minions under your sway. One fills me with Jealousy,  and the other Disgusts me."

The blood Bonded with the Embalming fluid that sustained the umbilical cord that is Chesed's true form. But the new mixture started to boil in the canister. She cried out in pain, but it was hard to feel sad for her when she then screamed in wild excitement. The cord turned into a few ova with was fertilized in the liquid, which was now an artificial womb. Even the inorganic parts were being transformed.  With her scream reaching its highest note. A light enveloped the pod, when the area illuminating light died down the pod was still glowing, but it was no longer a cylindrical machine, but something that warped into something humanoid. 

Glistening under a layer of residue fluid, after her Rebirth, Chesed picked up a smashed piece of her Glass Canister to peer at her new form. Taking a moment to admire her pink skin, and metallic golden pointed fingernails, she saw her new form. Brunette shoulder length curls that were topped with a flower garland, her hair framed her round soft features, a round face, a smooth chin, Full lips, dimpled checks and dangle earrings shaped like Astrolabes. In contrast to her warm, almost friendly face, was the coldest Harshest, Yellow-Brown eyes, hard and unfeeling like Quartz, where accented by false eyelashes which looked like Typebars for a typewriter. what started as a Sentient Umbilical cord, she was now a Curvy woman who looked like an adult, modestly dressed in a sari made of fleshy tentacles, of the same colour of dried blood, that contrasted with green accents of ivy bound on her bare footed legs.

But the transformation wasn't done yet. Sensing her Audience, she straightened up and bloody wings formed out of her shoulder blades and pointed down her back. 

It was Yusef who spoke first after a shrug and a sigh....

(Beat)

You know, the moment they start to transform and give themselves Iconography and a crown, they might as well, just put on a Sandwich board that says "Look at Me, I'm Evil!"

How very Cynical. I See you came from a World where your gods forsaken you. Do not judge me by their actions. Though I will forgive you for doubt all the same.

Oh very kind of you. However, it's Gods like you that made Worlds like mine. Gods who the fattened pigs of the Bloody Empire like to scream anthems that "God Saves" them. Like Empire and oppression is divine providence.

Sabaru turned to Eighties Lad, and got his attention

(Psssst, what's going on?)

(Long Story Short, Yusef is a Joe-Jack who comes from a world where the British Empire still rule) 

I see. Your Lack of Faith is due to Some of Humanity claiming the Expanse of God's Will to themselves and Themselves alone.

I will see what I can do.

With a squishy sound, the Flower above her forehead in her garland, turned into a third eye. Chesed was being transmitted news feeds her mind filled with images of starvation. With Protests and the Smug smiles and venomous words of Leaders less Self-aware than she was.

So, I see. You are a Species who are suffering.

You are fighting over resources you don't have for everyone. 

You are missing the point, yes there is suffering in the world, but we have the solutions already. Its just that not everyone will listen. 

If there was a Solution, you would have used it. No. IF I PROVIDE WHAT HUMANITY NEEDS, MORE OF IT! WHEN IT IS NEEDED, THEN I CAN TRUELY BE THE TRUE EMBODIMENT OF KINDENESS!

(Chesed raised her arm over her head, the sky darkened as the ground shook, something had appeared in Space that scraped past the surface of Mars. 

Edwin pulled out the 3d shades which projected the Images of what was coming towards us.

Dude, This Chick is Psycho!

tHIS iS a pLAY tHAT iS a dANGEROUS GAMBIT!

Jaysus! Iz Dat...what oi Fink it iz?

"Yes! The thing Chesed has summoned to Earth...."

(Everyone stared at the wormhole that had its contents float towards our planet. It was a sphere as big as our planet. When the sun shone on it, the realized why it was this size.)

".....Is Another Earth!"

Eamonn reviews....Reptile?

It has not being my month since I saw you last!

My poll glitched on Twitter so it couldn't be interacted with, So by default Infinity Pool WAS going to be this next review.

Then when I booted up Netflix and typed in Infinity Pool last month, it had left the Subscription service. 

So instead I will review the first film that shows up if you type in that title into Netflix's search-Reptile.

Made in 2023, Reptile is a Murder Mystery where a Grizzled Detective must uncover through a sea of Shady characters to track down a Gruesome Murderer. 

So again, I am going in blind, So Every Surprise is going to be Genuine.

So Without Further Ado, Let's Dig into Reptile. 

The Film has two artworks, and neither of them are any good. First is just Justin Timberlake, Alicia Silverstone and Benicio Del Toro with Dull Surprise faces on a Snakeskin filter. 

The second one is slightly better. 3 bloody claw marks each with a eye catch of the above actors' faces. Better than just the actors' faces, but it does look like a reaction shot in a manga!

THE FOLLOWING POST IS OF A FILM RATED 15 FOR BLOOD, MURDER, THREAT, DRUG USE AND LANGUAGE WHICH WILL BE CENSORED. DISCRETION IS ADVISED. 

The film starts with general B-Roll of Suburban life in middle America. A man covers his pool with a Tarp, a woman is drying dishes looking on from the Kitchen. A Realtor's sign of sale is put in front of a house...their house. All the while "Angel In the Morning" plays out.

This couple (Justin Timberlake and Matilda Lutz) are realtors selling this house and as Such, involved in it's showing and upkeep. Trousersnake, true to real life, wants to fool around but the buyer has just arrived as the doorbell rings.

We cut to a Swimming pool locker room, where Maltilda's character tells a second blonde woman about car trouble she had and the feeling she was being watched.

Wait, what about the House sale? Is this after or before? When is this?

Matilda's character has a tattoo of tyre tracks down her spine. 

Great! Given that this is a Murder Mystery,  Watch it be the thing that identifies the body!

While they have a Fanservice swim, we learn Justin is to give a key note speech at an estate agent seminar, under the skeptical eye of his mother. The Speech he's about to make is themed about Survival of The fittest. 

After the Seminar, Will Greavy's (Timberlake) girlfriend never showed up, he comes home just as "Angel in the Morning " slows to 0.25 speed. He's angry that she didn't turn up at the Seminar, With her Feigning Forgetfulness and Tiredness. Will just Grabs a pillow and takes off for the night.

After a night of Couch surfing in an Empty house, Summer Elswick (Lutz), dressed as a maid finds a Snakeskin in the house. While Bill seals the Deal at the office, A Red car Pulls up outside and it's driver walks up to ring the doorbell. Thinking it's Will, Summer tells the person where she is. Will leaves the office with his buyer, but couldn't get Summer on the phone, he arrives at the House at Sunset and finds her Brutally murdered, but before your eyes can adjust to the Poorly lit scene, We get the entire Screen blocked by a Title Drop. 

We cut to a posh restaurant where we finally meet our main character, Detective Tom Nichols. (Del Toro) who is married to Alicia Silverstone's character. After an off colour joke, he notices his boss taking a Phonecall and looking distraught. 

Sure Enough, the chief has just being told he has Multiple Sclerosis, but wants to keep it a secret. As they arrive at the scene of the crime,  he brow beats a Lieutenant for dropping one of his latex gloves in an active crime scene. 

Interviewing neighbours, Nichols' attention is caught by a Suspicious unkempt man with a limp, just as the neighbour interviewed mentioned a Strange man with a limp entering the house, they also find cameras pointing towards the house. 

We cut to the police precinct, where Will was being held. Tom interrogates the man. Turns out, they were not married, only together for a year and a half. Telling the Detective that they did have an argument which makes him Suspicious of the Realtor. Also, Summer was still legally married to a Sam Gifford. But as a Suspect, Will is still Swabbed and finger printed. Tom wants to hook Will to a polygraph, but the DNA proves he's clean. 

Tom returns home to see his home under renovations. Meanwhile back at the plot, the Limping Man takes a Seat at the press conference. We cut to Summer's Autopsy, where the pathologist finds two strange things on Summers Body, First a Blonde Hair that's not hers, but stranger still, Red Paint on her Wrists, Red Calcamine Paint, a substance not available anymore. The doctor also asks Detective Nichols about his bloody mark on his wrist, which was supposedly an off screen kitchen accident,  because we need a red herring!

They find a red car on security tape they can't track a licence for. However, the car is missing a Chrome. So it's as Good as any lead. But they still think Greavy, while not the doer, still could be the mastermind, so that avenue has still to be walked.

While cutting to the Limping man Showering, and Detectives Asking all the other women at the pool about Summer, We cut to Nichols using his office computer to buy a sensor controlled tap Like the one Will has, because we need to put Quirky Humour into everything. They learn Summer had no insurance, so that wasn't a motive. We find out the man is Sam Gifford,  who not only had Previous for D**gs but also steals hair for his quote/unquote "Art"

"OH, IT'S ART!"

So Finally it's time to question him about Summer Elswick's Murder. But he is not the Limping Man, but the man who stole his hair.

Naturally as an Eccentric Artist, Gifford is a Recluse. Not only does he work with hair, but also Paint, but Lawyers up when asked about Calcamine Paint. 

When Nichols makes a call-in, he uses the Callsign "Oklahoma ". When his New Partner, Cleary asks why he's called that when he's not from the Sooner State, he learn why in the next scene. 

When we see Del Toro and Silverstone line dancing and Exchanges lines of questioning when they Dance together. Because we need to add Quirkiness, only Law and Order can be Procedural. The Other cop, Officer Walter Ridge has a side hustle of a Microbrewery with a distinctive logo. 

Let's play a game-Foreshadowing or World Building?

After learning Summer got no commissions from her sales, Suspicions of Will's Financial worries put the motive as Anger back onto the Partner, Which Will and his mother talks out of it-The Commissions went to an investment Fund, one all 3 knew and agreed to. The property they were selling was Will's mother's, so she is now a person of interest. 

While with her friends, Julia Nichols (Silverstone) exposits about a time in Phillie, Tom was accused of being corrupt, So his car was keyed with the word "Cheese-Eater" (The implication that he is a Rat!) If it wasn't for the chief, uncle Alan, who is his Uncle by marriage, he wouldn't be here in...where ever in Illinois this film is supposedly is. And he would be Depressed if he didn't have his job.

FORESHADOWING!

That night, a Strange man returns mail to Will's house, turns out Will doesn't recognise him, but he takes offence and assaults Will.

Cleary finds Summer's Telephone logue, turns out she was in the town of Limerick for 40 minutes on the day of her death. While she did sell a property there, that was months ago-So why come back?

The property she sold was an isolated Church in the Countryside. The door is open and Nichols finds the inside painted with red paint. A Tin is found and it's Calcamine Paint. Whoever painted this church could also be the murderer. 

The church Caretaker, Unfortunately tells The police the Church was painted by Volunteers with their own Paint and tools so he wouldn't know who they were.

Nichols is being going around in circles. The Caretaker doesn't know Will, Summer or Sam, the blonde hair Is Synthetic, the Phone on Summer was a Burner, but he has a lead, they find the car and they stripped it of it's red paint. And it's a Purple Chrysler Imperial, According to Mrs Nichols-hell, She use to drive one that belonged to Alan, as it happens!

Finding a dealership, tracking down a Purple luxury car, shouldn't be a problem. 

It's the day of funeral, and Will is distracted by a Shadowy figure who he chases after. Disturbed by this, he tells Detective Nichols about the Assault last night, he remembers the man is named Eli Phillips, a Man who lost his family birthright when his father sold it and committed Sui**de, with no way to buy his family home back, Phillips blamed Will and his family, for his misfortune. Sounds like a solid motive to me!

Delving into the Burner phone a bit more, turns out Summer was a serial Narc, who was ratting on all her Dr***ie clients and friends, so they find Eli's Cr**k den and question him then and there. 

Eli is a Paranoid St*ner, one who has a ham radio set to Police Frequencies, which is how he learned about Summer's murder in the first place, he's convinced Will did it, he's also aware of Det. Nichols' past.

Turns out, Wierd as it sounds, but there are 800 Purple Chryslers In City of Town, so it's hard work to find the perp, however They Notice in the crime photos of Summer's hand which is covered in marks that resemble bite marks. 

Summer's Friend from the pool, gives the Detectives new information at a bar, off the record, she tells them her ex husband,  Eli Phillips and Sam Gifford are D**g-dealers.

Will recants the night he found Summer. But the Detective get a call about one of his suspects doing a runner. It's Sam Gifford. At this house Nichols finds a Disturbing Statue of a Blonde topless Angel that resembles Summer being bound.

He goes to take a sample of The Effigy's hair...but then shots are Fired! Sam Escapes Armed through a window, But after being struck by a bullet, He's found dead.

Searching Sam's House, they find He**in, but it's not a victory. Nichols is taking off the case and suspended.

Eli is punching a door as it smash cuts to Tom trying to sleep as the builders are still working on his house, so it does looks and sounds like Eli is Punching the Detective's Door 

Frustrated at Tom's Suspension, The other Officers are such Good friends not to Abandoned him. At the bar, they see Will Greavy putting the Moves to Summer's best friend. 

Tom is given an Psychological Assessment to determine if he can return to work. He tells the Doctor he has a reoccurring Nightmare for years of being at a party with loved ones, only for criminals to break in and k*ll everyone, as Tom in his dream, cannot draw his gun. 

"Except, ever since I shot Gifford, In my Dream, it ends with me getting to pull the trigger. Weird, huh?"

Because of this statement and how blasé he was in saying it, there is no way in hell, he's returning to work. However the Precinct takes it well, he's given a happy send-off with balloons and cake with no dialogue, but being led to an exit, it's clear what the outcome is.

Some time later, Walter Ridge offers Tom a security job at his brewery. Active Duty Brewery is unique as Ridge hires Former police and Military as his workers.

Later at a party he even goes far to...offer a female guest.....for s*x.

The Chief has a better proposal, he wants Tom to Receive The Medal of Valour, Which Tom refuses, Before handing over his files over to Cleary. However, a photo of Summer's bite marks falls out so he pockets it, to do his own investigation out of revenge. So he bites his wife in the same manner as Summer.

As a Solace to himself, Tom needs to know if he did the right thing in k*lling Gifford. So he asks the Chief to match the Bite marks to Gifford's Dental Records. Which means an Autopsy on Gifford, and the disappointment that Gifford had a lower jaw denture-Meaning he was too weak to leave bite marks if it truly was him. And even he was, the denture will be filled with perfect, Uniform fake teeth. Which the killer did not have.

Meanwhile, Greavy shows the house where Summer died to the Limping man, now on crutches with a overdressed woman. They are, infact "Murder Voyuers"-People who have a Sexual thrill off Visiting scenes of murder. With Will's back turned, the model the Limping man hired, gets on the floor in the same position Summer's body was found, as the man takes photos, and having The Victim's partner show them around, OH BOY, Consider their Jollies Got. Timberlake gets so Angry,  he nearly showed the Appropriate Emotion!

So, is Nichols back as a cop now? I guess,  because he and Alan are at the firing range. And The MS has made it that the chief cannot aim straight. With the bite not found to be deep enough, the Evidence is proven inconclusive-So Alan just wants to close the case as Unsolved. 

Eli is watching tv,  when the news report of a car crash caused by one of the Construction crew Smuggling dr*gs catches Eli's eye when he recognises the young man from his Conspiracy Wall and then catches on the He**in Shipment is sealed with the same Christmas wrapping paper Gifford used. Later that night someone tried to break Greavy Realty but Surprise Surprise-no Cameras.

Then the Unthinkable almost happens-Eli tried to k*ll Julia Nichols, but SHE has HIM Cornered with her handgun. Eli is Arrested who wanted to turn himself in with info he has on the murder. 

Eli sings like a canary that Greavy is the mastermind all the time,  Summer was being ripped off by a company called Whitefish,  Maybe Tom should look into that.  But the only whitefish Tom knows is Whitefish Construction who worked on his house. 

As he is carted off he Blurts out Whitefish Construction is nothing more than a Front to Smuggle Dr*gs and Launder Money and the Greavies are the one's profiteering off it. During the Tirade, Eli left a USB drive of proof or maybe Paranoid ramblings. But it still needs to be addressed. 

Speaking of Addresses,  The sales of all of Summer's houses were put into Whitefish, but there is no info into what Whitefish actually is other than a Shell that hired Construction workers. One of Summer's Properties 15 Ghost Terrace was taken as a Drug Forfeiture, So the Police cannot investigate The house further, as it's being resold, By Will Greavy's mother,  Camille. 

On the phone, Driving away from Ghost Terrace,  Cleary tells Nichols Whitefish is no longer active, just a P.O box, Nichols believes he is being followed and he's right. But then he's told the P.O box address is shared with one other company-Active Duty Brewery and Consultants,  the company owned by Officer Walter Ridge. 

At the Evidence holding facility, we learn Eli has been a police informer for 15 years. The He**in is sealed with the same Christmas wrapping paper Gifford used, he wants to see the Dr*gs from the Gifford case, but someone has ordered the Dr*gs to be destroyed. Meanwhile someone has bailed out Eli out of jail, but remains anonymous. Peter the Construction worker, has joined the Nichols linedancing group the angle information for Greavy/Ridge, one would assume, Tom tells Peter not to even try it (As in, not to pretend he's not Involved!) But Peter thinks Tom meant not to try it on with his wife!

Either way, Bet Peter is glad he's wearing Dark Trousers. 

On the day the Construction Worker, Recosi caused the accident, He called a number 15 times.  When Tom calls that number, we see 3 people getting incoming calls at the same time-Will and Camille Greavy...and whoever is about to Merc Eli in his own kitchen!

The man in Eli's kitchen is Will Greavy...the Will we saw in the house, was A flashback to the night of the murder, where he was going to k*ll Summer, But the phonecall would be traced, so someone else has finished the job. Will demands Eli return whatever he Stole from his office. Another man walks in from behind.

We cut to the Next day with Ridge being Cryptic about Song lyrics, giving the audience the idea that he just k*lled Eli for Will Greavy. Sure Enough Eli is nowhere to be found. Searching the number Recosi called is tied to a Property Holdings called W6. The case is tearing apart the Nichols Marriage, as they cannot enjoy a nice dinner out at a restaurant, especially when Will Greavy turns up with his mother,  investors and Summer's best friend on his arm.

Tim goes over to talk to Will about W6, but we the Audience hear nothing. 

Not long after, Nichols meets Greavy at 15 Ghost Terrace and let's him in via a warrant. The camera pans to a large room showing us the Christmas wallpaper in the room beside. Tom calls the number of W6 Holdings and Will's phone rings out...only for Will to shoot Tom Dead!

BUT PSYCHE! ITS ALL A DREAM!

It's Alan's Birthday and Walter takes Nichols to one side and asks him why he's been avoiding him, which Tom lies to Walter and says he hasn't. Alan learns Tom is getting a medal of Valour after all, just as it seems Tom just got it in his head, that the entire precinct is corrupt, not just Walter. 

And his suspicions are confirmed when finds a White Chrysler Imperial...a White Chrysler, THAT USE TO BE PURPLE!

All this time it was his mentor, Julie's Uncle that aided and Abetted a Coverup so big, He thinks he can't even trust his wife! It's so big, Greavy has ordered an Assassin Disguised as a Police officer under the guise of a Dui charge to trail his house, as they drive with escorts behind,  Tom tells Julie the Greavies all have a hand in Drug Smuggling and Laundering the money through Greavy Realty, Whitefish and police bribery, But Summer an outsider to town, wanted none of this when she found out, so he had to die!

The Only ones at the party that are not in the loop are Cleary and Julia, With the plan now being Cleary taking up the case while Tom and Julie skip town, that's when Alan calls Tom to meet him at the Lakehouse to explain himself,  but Ridge just wants to Waste him to keep him silent,  but Alan knows Tom ain't no Cheese-Eater and that's why he brought him to Illinois to begin with. Tom will not Rat to Alan's Superior officers.

So anyway, Tom Rats to Alan's Superior Officers!

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SCENES OF MURDER 

So Tim, the Detective Tom has ratted to, meets  Alan at his house but when Tim excuses himself to use the bathroom. Alan has bad news-Tim is also on it and Tim is also a killer. A Unseen shooter kills Alan, then Tim is killed by Tom, he turns to see the body of Cleary at the bottom of the staircase, with Walter Ridge holding his gun at Tom, that's when a Frisbee knocks into the window,  distracting Ridge long enough for Tom to shoot Walter. When Tom re-emerges. Ridge is bleeding out on the floor, pleading he cannot feel his legs, but still crawling to his gun. Tom calls 911 when the children who came for the Frisbee saw it all. And now he can't decide whether to actually call in the murders.

And so the film ends with some time has past and Tom made the right decision to turn his colleagues in. with Knocking on Heaven's Door, playing out as Will Greavy is arrested by the FBI on a golf green, while the Nichols are put into Witness Protection and their fingerprints are burnt off so they are shedding their skins ....like Reptiles?

THIS FILM SUCKS!

How can something be Convoluted and Predictable at the same time?

Off the bat, I knew it was Timberlake's character who did it-And the Fakeout dream was just a pathetic double bluff, the cast was 90 percent nobodies, the Dialogue is just predictable, the pacing made this 2 hour film like an age, and it just wasn't interesting. 

If you are a popstar and you are in a film that's not a Musical, and who have all the acting skill of a damp fish, stick to dahm Musicals!

CREDITS 

Reptile was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli on X)

With Media from

Reptile 

Merengi's Darkplace

New Japanese Pro Wrestling 

Bad Movie Beatdown

Police Squad 

Twilight 

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE.....

Once I return back to Ireland in 3 weeks time,  I will start work on Red Notice as I said last year in the Black Adam review, We are not Done with Rock The Dwayne and his Bottle Filling Johnson!

What better than the film that became the buzzword to the final years of The Vince McMachon lead WWE than "The Golden Egg!' Film as this year's......TICKET TO HELL!