THIS POST IS A CONTINUING REVIEW OF A 12 RATED MOVIE, THAT STILL HAS INNUENDO AND VIOLENCE, BUT ALSO SCENES AND DISCUSSIONS OF ANIMAL CRUELTY AND MENTIONS OF RACISTS AND RACISM, AS SUCH CERTAIN WORDS WILL BE EDITED AND CENSORED, AS OF GOOGLE'S TERMS OF SERVICE!
(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!)
(The Bounty Hunter who kidnapped Eamonn, Herr Doctor, is Dead! He was killed by Chesed, who in her transformation from Sentient Relic, became a biomechanical God.
In her Malfunctioning mind, The Essence of Kindness reverted to her Base Emotion over her Duty, and was using her new powers she stole from Sabaru's blood, to curry favour with humanity by seeing our Greed over land and resources and deciding that can we reversed...by having a second Earth crash into the planet! While all the Superpowers war over the resources they don't have, They fail to see the danger of either Collision or Temporal Erasure. When Herr Doctor was going to killed by being shown the world without him, if not for The Outlaw, who shot him! Then, as expected, "Death" left when things went south for him, he refused to help in what will happen next!)
Meanwhile on the review, we have being going through the infamous RED NOTICE! AKA THE GOLDEN EGG FILM, Rocky's terrible film that has him playing a framed FBI Profiler, John Hartley, who after foiling his nemesis, Nolan Booth (Ryan Reynolds) in stealing the Golden Egg of Cleopatra, has his life and career removed from the Wiki by the dastardly Mastermind "The Bishop" (Gal Gadot) who manipulates them in an offer to work for her to steal the other golden eggs, which they refuse. And when we left off, we are in a masquerade ball of a Spanish Weapons Dealer named Sotto Voce, the current incumbent of the Second Golden Egg. And right now the Bishop is about to seduce the info out of the arms dealer.)
But Agent Hartley won't even let "The Bishop" get to the Slap and Tickle part of her plan, as Voce falls for the Ole-Bump-N-Rob Trope (Can't go wrong with the classics!) as Booth walks past to get to Hartley, we see that he doesn't-Agent Das (Ritu Arya) in Disguise.
While Busy monologuing to his guests and (Turning from Spanish ESL actor To Sounding like Ian McClennan before our very eyes!), the Bishop is distracted by an over-acted scene between her two marks. Booth hacks the system but he and John only have 45 seconds-and despite Nolan smashing the glass that has Sotto's fingerprints on it by running into Hartley, they break into the vault, but the silent alarm goes off!
That's when Das reveals herself. At Gunpoint she gives Hartley an Ultimatum: Arrest Booth, or turn themselves both in! He feigns putting on cuffs on Booth, then proceeds to kick away Das' Gun. before high-tailing it into the vault and closing the Door.
They Approach the egg, only for "The Bishop" to be there Already- How was she able to get in here and not trip any alarm?
So Anyway Fight scene, The two action stars smash glass, while the comedian can't smash glass at all for what was suppose to be for HEE HEE, HAA HAAS!
I'll Save you 3 minutes by Dilating time to the first of many stupid twists-The so called twist of the Bishop working for Sotto Voce, which is why she can pass without tripping security-Because she IS Security. The scene ends with a fade to black timed to when the two Americans being knocked out by being pistol whipped!
We cut to the catacombs below a Bullfighting Ring where John and Nolan are tied to a vertical pole-Because we need to remind the American audience where we are, and Credit where it's due, Valencia is actually famous for it's bullfighting, rather that just using it as a catch-all Spanish Culture Trope-Though it is a dying Culture and Provinces are following the Canary Islands example of legally Banning the Bloodsport.
So the plan is torture Hartley to make Booth talk, But since the writers cannot give Booth any Motivation other than "Hom****tic Comic Relief" he keeps spouting unfunny double entredres while the Bishop plans to do something unsavory with a Car Battery.
After Shocking Hartley's Nipples, Booth remains Schtum. Not even when the Bishop "Fries Rocky's Sausage!" (And even more Torturous, Gadot Singing "Downtown!") It's only when Soto starts Choking Hartley, is when Nolan Breaks-The Third egg never left Egypt-It's still Buried in the Hidden Tomb of Cleopatra. And here is the thing that destroys the entire plot to this film, this one line by Gadot.
"HE IS NOT LYING. I HEARD THERE IS A SECRET ROOM IN THE TOMB AND I KNOW WHERE IS IS!"
(HEAVY BREATHING......)
IF YOU KNEW WHERE IT WAS,WHY DID YOU NEED TO RUIN THE CAREER OF A FBI AGENT AND MAKE A DEAL WITH YOUR DIRECT COMPETITION? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GET SOTTO VOCE TO RUB OUT BOOTH IN ROME WHEN HE STOLE THE FIRST EGG, IF YOU ARE IN THE BED AND BANKROLL OF THE GUY WHO OWNS THE SECOND EGG? WHY ARE YOU NOT IN EGYPT RIGHT NOW! IF YOU ALWAYS KNEW, WHERE THE THIRD EGG
ALWAYS.
F**KING.
WAS?
AAAARGH!
So to celebrate The Bishop pours her lover some Definitely NOT poisoned Champagne and Voce dies like an Idiot in What Nolan calls "Heist Film Amateur Hour"
HEY! You Cannot be Both Stupid and Self Aware! That's against the Rules!
After beating up a Guard and stealing the 2 golden eggs, the two Americans are still bound at a pole, Voce is not dead, But the gangster with a Napoleon Complex, still dizzy from Hollywood Dr*gs shoots the pole before passing out for good!
The Gangster Missed Every Shot But One, a Shot that Smashed Hartley's cuffs. Booth pleads that he wants to be freed, but John is p*ssed about getting tortured. That's when Booth reveals he lied to the Bishop-The Egg is not still in Egypt, because that would be stupid-And that's me saying it, not the characters in the film. John doesn't care about the egg, he just wants The Bishop arrested, but Nolan says too bad, when she Realised she's being Sold a Bill of Goods-She'll come for the egg. So they Need the egg to get to the Bishop.
So they crawl into the Bull Ring and into the view of a green screen Bull. In fact, they just Google mapped the interior of the Valencia Bull Ring, Admittedly one of the few Cities that has year long Bull fights, But the scenes where we are to believe both actors and the Bull are in the same place look as phoney as a Football-Bat!
Stowing away on a train, riding the rails after running for their lifes, Booth still has to the Cryptic And Annoying Jokey Character when John asks him where the last egg is. So John pulls Booth's head put of the moving train to get a straight answer out of him. As a certain Vampire once said...
 |
| "I Have No Time for Your Quirks!" |
But Booth knows he's not going to be turned Human Graffiti because Hartley is too much of a Goody Good! That's when John exposits on his father-A Conman who abandoned him "Your Dad was a cop, so you became a Crook, my dad was a Crook, so I became a Cop!"
....And Together we can be Justice!
Turns out Booth left out important information in his Backstory-The Reason his father got so uppity about his watch being stolen is that Nolan's father was obsessed with Finding secret N*zi Gold Bunkers in Argentina, The last time the world saw the Third egg of Cleopatra, it was in the hands of H*tler's Art Appraiser, Rudolph Zeich, who hid the Coordinates of the location on the face of a watch. A Watch his father bought in an auction as a quest to find the treasure, a watch his father loved more than his son, A stupid watch that didn't have the right numbers. A watch Booth smashed in his rage after his father passed to even learn this.
So Johnston lets Reynolds onto the Jumanji Set to film a jungle scene, to save money. After the Clichéd "I Had The Map Upside-down" bit, Hartley throws the compass he was holding onto the jungle floor in annoyance, which makes a loud "CLANG!"
They Dig in the dirt and uncover a Certain Symbol. Twisting a valve they uncover a spiral staircase. Using the watch which Nolan had fixed they open a magnetic Lock to a vault filled with long lost Treasures from all over. We get Hartley and Booth setting up both Chekov's Car and Chekov's Copper Mines. They find the egg but Nolan immediately drops it-Because the Comedy Writers have no self control even for the main plot!
That's when the Bishop appears from nowhere. And you are probably wondering how she figured out Nolan lied to her and how she found the Bunker without the Zeich Watch or come here without giving it away that they were being followed!
.......
So Anyway!
If that wasn't enough, Interpol are here too! And they start shooting up the place. So the three fugitives take the Death Wagon they set up last scene (Aren't you glad they found it?) To escape down the mine shaft in the Predictable car chase scene, that ends with a Cave Behind A Waterfall, Das looks out, convinced they are all dead, but Sadly Nolan surfaces with the egg, but there is no sign of Hartley. Booth has grown a Consiense and tries to find him in the water, but Hartley is already on land! HOORAY!
But so is the Bishop-BOO!
Nolan Gloats to the Bishop, And Hartley Arrests Her with 18 minutes of run time to spare.
IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF THEY ADDED A TWIST SO UNBELIEVABLY STUPID AT THIS POINT OF THE MOV-
OH F**K RIGHT OFF!
So...Say hello to John and Sarah Hartley...AKA "THE BISHOPS" They had setup Interpol and Booth from the start to have each other at their throats. Every fight-choreographed, every word to each other-filled with double meaning. Even the Torture, though real, was the only way Sarah could pass the key to John's Cuffs. When Booth is Cuffed to a tree, he asks John if everything was a lie, John says not all of it-His Dad is a Con artist and he does hate him, but only because he can do better than him! And Now he's off to Egypt to gift the eggs to Nolan's Client to take the Credit from the crime boss on the night of his Daughter's Wedding and Politically announce his Divine right To rule.
And Soon, a Lavish spectacle is given in Cairo, as the 3 eggs are put on display-Only for the bride Not to care-Ed Sheeran was hired to be the wedding singer and the Nepo-Bride couldn't give a monkey's about Father's Maxie Zeus Style Delusions. However, it was a Set-up by the Hartleys as they watch all this whilst posing as guests, to have Interpol arrest the Crime Boss finally through legal channels, as the third Egg is Now N**i gold and illegal to possess. Soon the Crimeboss, Cleopatra and Ed Sheeran are arrested,
Especially when Sheeran did a Jeff Jarrett and hit a cop over the head with a Guitar when he learned he wasn't getting paid!
Six Months later in Sardinia and the Rock and Gal Gadot are in Sexy Swimsuits being a Sexy Couple in a boat, when they return from their swim, Booth is aboard. He reveals his own M Sh*te Sh*ttyfilm twist-He was arrested by Das, escaped custody, but found Hartley's joint Cayman Island Account which he gave to Das who has Frozen the Assets of. But he has a Deal of his own...the Worst Thing Possible...Sequel Bait!
And So, the film Ends With our 3 Idiots Line Walking towards the Louvre, For the Sequel that has already being greenlit-FFS!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
Forget WWE'S Involvement, This film was destined to tank hard!
Gadot and the Rock are such Black Holes of Charisma, It means Reynolds has to overcompensate for them, by turning up Bad Qu**rcoded dialogue to almost "Carry-on" Film levels. The amount of twists in this film made this feel like the Heist Episode of Rick and Morty, but without the self-awareness of it was made by people making a point we are all sick of heist movies. Of Course since this was Produced by Seven Bucks, Johnson had to the Executive Producer so he had to make himself look cooler than everyone else, and making him the focal point to the film's plot and progression-something I never seen in a Mcguffin film!
In short WWE Shouldn't be blamed for Torpedoing this franchise.
THEY DID A FINE JOB OF IT THEMSELVES!
CREDITS
Red Notice was Reviewed Compiled and Edited into 3 parts by Eamonn Bermingham.
With Media from in part 1:
Red Notice
WWE
Slim Jim (This Post is not Sponsored!)
Figure four Wrestling podcast
Army Of The Dead
Wikipedia
Star Trek Deep Space Nine
In Part 2:
Dracula Flow
Dragonball Z and Dragonball Z Abridged
Red Notice
Elio
And in Part 3:
Power Rangers Super Megaforce and History of Power Rangers
Buffet The Vampire Slayer
Atop The Fourth Wall
Red Notice
The Angry Joe Show
All Media used belong to their respective owners. All rights Reserved.
Red Notice was Produced by Seven Bucks Studios For Netflix.
NEXT TIME! ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
Earlier this year we did the best of 2025, so it's only fair the next 2 films are the worst of last year, July will see Madame Web get hers. But not before we see a Video game warning us about Corporate Greed and Stupidity, get it's Film Adaption ruined by Corporate Greed and Stupidity! As in June I review Borderlands!
AND NOW THE FINAL CHAPTER TO THE TWO DEATHS OF E!
THE FINAL CHAPTER PART THREE
What once was Whole, now flown Apart!
Not dwelling on the escape of the Outlaw, all the remaining heroes and villians drew their weapons to deal with Chesed. However those who encountered the Cosmic Entities before were worried. After all, Gods they maybe, but they were first and foremost, Children with no pertinent Skills or Combat experience.
Then there was Edwin and Sabaru.
Edwin killed Rage years ago and was now it's unwilling Vessel, the Frustration of Eamonn sparing Increasingly stronger foes and it's influence, turned What was once a one note character into a vengeful weapon maker with a sick sense of humour.
Then there was Sabaru, who unlike all the villians Eamonn Fought, actually won! In a plan that was years in the making, Sabaru avenged Demons by creating a faux Heroes league, using gaslighting and False Drama to stockpile negativity to the final plan, executing a defeat of her heroes at one time to create a fear so potent, those who lost faith, became monsters, and virulent agents to spread more despair.
And would have remained Victorious, had Sabaru choose her words carefully. But I suppose saying you have "All the Faith in the World" in something when your plan is to remove hope and faith, was one hell of an oversight.
And her being Outsmarted by Fecking Joe-Jack will never not be funny!
Then there was Yusef. Sure, he was heroic as the day is long, but still a mercenary. Though he wanted to return to his Earth...even it was a Dystopia.
Eamonn also didn't want to admit that our world can lean towards that any time soon!
Why Do you want to Stop me? Chesed Said with an added sugary tone. It didn't match the arrogant words of someone who claimed to have Humanity's Best Interest at heart.
Don't you see? I am providing you with the Solutions. More Fields for the Starving! More shelter for the Homeless!
...More Oil for the Greedy! More Displaced People for Exploitation! More countless, pointless Deaths to appease the False God who wants to rid the world of Pointless Deaths!
You still believe that I am not being earnest, that I truly do not have your species best interests?
YA, WE DUZ!
What chance you have? Just accept the Rulership of the Kinder Reality!
Jusef Loaded his flintlock to blast Chesed, but she used her powers to turn the shot into a bouquet of flowers. Which she caught with both hands and smelt them in a teasing manner!
This annoyed Sabaru as it was her blood Chesed stole to be even able to do this.
Get yourself your own act, honey! That's rule 1 of A magical Villain.
-Oh? and what's Rule 2?
Any spell can be used against you!
With that the bouquet turned into a hornet's nest and the contents grew into humanoid hornet soldiers. Only for the Hornets to take the heroes Hostage.
You dare? As the Essence of Kindness, all life I make are loyal to me, no matter if what was made is remade by others!
So they are your Slaves? Do you not see how cruel that is?
You are right.
I believe my programming is starting to bring me back to my senses. I have acted foolishly by thinking the world would be Saved by stealing another Earth to appease Humanity's worse impulses.
....WHY STOP ON ONE PLANET? WHEN I CAN DRAW AS MANY, TIL I CAN HELP EVERY SINGLE ONE! A PLANET FOR EVERY LEADER OF THIS WORLD! WORLDS WITH A SUPERPOWERED EMPIRE ON EACH, NO MORE WARS WHEN EVERYONE HAS ALL THEY WANT!
....That's not gonna stop the worse of those who are in power! Why can't you see that? And a world for every one leader! What? Would that be 100 world's colliding into this one.
And least a hundred? We Need a proper read out, because we haven't factored the gravitational force that will be applied to this planet.
Using his 3d glasses. Edwin scanned The Internet search engines for the answer.
Earth currently has 195 Countries!
WHAT? WE ARE GOING TO BE BOMBARDED 200 MORE EARTHS?
I need that many? Very Well!
(Chesed raised her arms and widened them to an acute angle, the power was too much as it fluxes out and back into her third eye like an electrical current. The sky darkened further, as more planets, not as many as nearly 200 at once descended, but they still blocked the sun and those who could breathe to survive, saw cold air leave their mouths.
Do you not see what you are doing? This is madness!
Chesed only cried, whether it was out of her mind finding it's clarity, noone could tell, but she couldn't stop!
Rock fragments from colliding Planets fell towards the two, Yusef was the only one close on his hovercycle, he pushed both Eamonn and Chesed out of the way, and into the line of fire.
Knocked off his bike, which spun into another crag and exploded onto the rock face, Yusef was pinned by the rocks and both legs and his left arm were shattered. He would scream out, but his breathing had become laboured with the weight on his body.
YUSEF!
No! KNOT FANCY ME! CMON, WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!
....
EIGHTIES LAD, IT'S YUSEF! DON'T HAVE A SOUL LEFT IN DERE, YA B*****D?! IZ DERE IZ NUTTIN' LEFF OV DA BOY WHO VOWED HE WOZ NOTHING LIOKE DA EDWIN TANTALOS WHO RUINED HIS WORLD! HE HAD TO SEE HIS MIS'ER EAMONN TURN EVIL! TO HAVE TO CHOOSERS TA KILL HIM DESPITE BEING HIS FRIEN'! YA HAVE TO OWE HIM DAT MUCH AT LEAST.
You are Right....I may never be only Edwin anymore, even in Death, but I can save him. I have no plans to Betray you in your time of need.
He tapped some buttons on his belt. Soon, his attack Drones would self-destruct to loosen the stones, with Sabaru contorting her arms to those of A gorilla to lighten the load further.
Please, Chesed sobbed, the reality setting In she done wrong. You need to stop me!
aND iT hAS aLREADY cAME. tHEY jUST hAD tO nOTICE?
Who had to notice? Notice What?
oTHERS lIKE uS. wHO jUST nOTICED sOMEONE eLSE hAD tHERE tOYS!
That's when glowing hands that looked like those of babies grabbed the other Earths with a Childish declaration of "MINE!" The cosmic Entities of those world's claimed their property. In hell, Ostrich saw the population of His Domain be expelled by the souls from the World, the Earth was reverting back to normal. The sights of the second Earth in the sky were treated by the world leaders as a ruse by their enemies, which they denied, and by a week, It will no doubt be a punchline and memed on. The world will continue once it forgot the Scam which was the second Earth in the Sky!
But to those who were there, The Battle of 200 Worlds would be no Joke, Not for Jusef Commonman, who needed Cybernetics to Function. Thankfully Edwin and The Appraisers, using Chesed as a volunteer fitted his Body with Cyborganic parts to continue his Fight. This surgery was enough to revert Chesed back into a Canister on wheels, but Now Hosting a Heart, Her Heart, A more Fitting Treasure of the Essence of Kindness to be.
And so everyone was Returned, Eamonn now remembered was no longer prisoner of the Appraisers of Will, Edwin and Sabaru were returned to the Discard Dimension for their crimes and Once a hoverbike was created for Jusef, he would return to Earth-3 To continue his mission for Justice!
Jusef flew over New London (Formerly Dublin!) when his body just exploded into half eaten food and Dead rats!
(...In the Discard Dimension!)
THINK THEY FELL FOR IT?
OH ABSOLUTELY! MY CLONE MADE SURE TO TELL OUR FORMER ALLIES NOT TO FOLLOW HIM TO EARTH 3!
THEY ARE NONE THE WISER
WELL, THAT IS FANTASTIC NEWS, BABE! I'M MORE SURPRISED WITH MYSELF THOUGH, THAT I COULD SEE MY WORK COME TO ME AND NOT REACT WHEN I SEE IT
Edwin was Tinkering with something on the floor, he had smuggled robot parts when he worked on "Jusef" and here in his Prison, he ironically took a captive as he worked on him.
TAA-DAH! WHAT DO YOU THINK MY FRIEND? AS I TOLD JOE-JACK, I HAVE NO PLANS IN BETRAYING THEM IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED!
On the Floor was Jusef, his body stiff and he couldn't see what Edwin did, he was shouting abuse at his "Saviour". When he saw his hands were segmented as doll joints, He knew what Edwin did and what he meant by "Seeing his work".
THE OUTLAW.
THE PUPPET WHO CLAIMED TO THE DEATH.
IT WAS NO LONGER HIS FUTURE SELF!
IT WAS HIS NEW PRESENT REALITY!
THE END...FOR NOW!
