By the time you see this Review, I have joined Bluesky
And to celebrate this, here Is the film that would have won the twitter poll by default.
Except it's not a film, it's a series. I which TV and Streaming would do me a favour and tag films and series as such.
Eventually I will start polls on Bluesky, when I find my footing once again.
So going in blind, once more. Crap Happens is a 9 episode comedy of a wannabe rapper, 15 years on the road with nothing to show for it, returns home for the funeral of his mother, only to get the shock of a lifetime.
Episode 1 "Fell off a Tree Rescuing a Duck"
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW IS OF A TV SHOW RATED 15 FOR VIOLENCE, DRUGS, SEX, WHICH WILL BE DOWNPLAYED AND LANGUAGE WHICH WILL CENSORED. THIS REVIEW OF A NEW SHOW WILL CONTAINS SPOILERS
The show Opens with a Documentary style Narration (Dubbed in English). Toni Fliesh always ever wanted to be a Rapper, but after 15 years in Berlin, he is reduced to being a Pizza man. We are told he has talent, but the Crux of Toni's Misfortune is he is a Cosmic Joke, as in he is always in the Wrong place at the wrong time.
REALLY?
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| "ICE TEA, I DRINK THAT, 2 AND A HALF MEN, I WATCH THAT!" |
This guy would kick Toni's Ass!
Tony's two fans are a jar of Sauerkraut with a face drawn on it and his Boss Pipo, Who looks like German MoistKritical.
After a Day of Soul Breaking Customer Service, at the very same time, Far from Berlin, Toni's mother, an owner of a Towing company, gets a call that will change her family's life forever.
"A Duck Stuck Up a Tree?"
Wera ("Vera") a Former shot-put Champion for East Germany, who, unlike Toni, had no Wanderlust to leave Schitten-On-Havel, (Literally the ruder name of this series) Especially because of the town's Ducks.
She Rescues a Duck from a tree as the branch breaks and falls due to a Storm.
Well that's Fine, that wasn't too much of a fall and look, she already U....
(LIGHTNING STRIKES WERA REPEATEDLY)
Back in Berlin and Toni has a Gig and despite his Bravado, he is Nervous, he's up in a rap battle with people half his age, he's about to battle but his sister Nancy calls him and tells him the bad news and to come home.
He has his rap battle. When the opponent makes a "Yo Momma" Joke, The Pain and Loss Makes Toni do the impossible: Win. But as he leaves them in Stunned Silence, he returns to Schitten For the Funeral.
The Town is so American Southern State White Trash Coded. Instead of Duelling Banjos, I'd expect Duelling Polka Bands!
From a Upermarket that had it's S stolen 3 decades ago and never fixed it, to the civic centre Tony was laughed out of, to a leaf blower museum, Schitten-On-Havel is an Odd bird of a place, ran by a washed up Actress in a one party system, housed by Mean Spirited Boomers who treat making Toni's life miserable like it's their Religion!
We meet Toni's Family, Nancy-A policewoman, A Neat Freak and Mother of 4, his other sister Kaio, who quote "owns a Junkyard, blows stuff up and Swears so much, the Network has to beep her."
And her twin sister Karo who hates Toni for ruining her wedding 8 years ago.
And a man who stumbles to hug Toni, Johnny Carrerra, Tony's stepfather, who is 10 years younger than Toni and is a human waterworks!
"It's just one day" Toni keeps telling himself.
At the service we meet 2 more characters, Paulie, Toni's self Proclaimed Best Friend, who had a crush on Toni's mother and a Strange fat boy (played by Leo Sky, who is a non-binary actor) who is playing a keyboard very well- though it's far too upbeat for this setting, and also the boy kinda looks like a clean shaven Toni.
(FORESHADOWING!)
Johnny in his eulogy says that Wera's Towing company was nothing more than a racket that she would cause accidents to lend her services and Johnny met her when she purposely slashed his tyres.
Toni gets a call from Pipo during the memorial that he has being scouted by a producer, but Schitten-On-Havel lives up to it's name by having phone coverage equal to a third world country.
Or Ireland!
Toni asks his sisters who organized this strange 90s Disco inspired service. They all point to Toni's ex-girlfriend, Jana. What We are lead to believe is a flashback is in fact two teenagers who stand next to the adults hijacking this private meeting. That got a Tickle out of me!
Jana is Toni's ex-girlfriend who inherited her mother's Funeral Directing Service. It looks like she wants to tell him something but she can't.
Toni wonders if life would be better, if he stayed with Jana, then he seeing all the freaks he calls friends and family and then remembers why he left!
Setting of Wera's body in a Viking Burial, Kaio uses her Explosive Know-how to detonate her own mother's Corpse. ("I used her own fat as a flashpoint") Toni rests in his childhood room that been unchanged for years. Johnny tries to be a father but he comes off as creepy.
The Next day, Toni's Sleep is interrupted by a helicopter landing in front of the house. Sure Enough an executive from a rap studio (and heart clinic) wants to sign Toni to a Contract. Just one problem, Toni's self-Doubt never let him manifest anything more than bars and intros.
Maria Muller-Muller tells Toni her Attention Span has being ruined by Streaming (her actress looks into the camera as we hear a "TUDUM!") Toni has two weeks before said Goldfish memory causes the Executive to get bored and move on!
With Tony under pressure. He needs a way back to Berlin and the chopper is only for it's artists. Tony takes his mother's tow truck that was abandoned at the tree where she died. But it's stuck in mud and surrounded by ducks. Reversing hard Makes Toni accidentally k*ll 2 ducks, leaving their Duckling as an Orphan. The CGI Duckling looks up at the Rapper as its new parent. Which Toni becomes out of Guilt of what he did.
He speeds off towards the Capital and his dream. That's when another childhood he had ruined wants to come with, as the keyboard boy, Charley tells Toni he is His son!
Episode 2 "My Name Is..."
Episode 2 starts the same way Episode 1 ended, With Charley in the middle of the road, telling Toni he is his father. Charley Schammel, is an oblivious Bullied happy-go-lucky child of 14. Charley loves the school band where he is mentored by Toni's self Proclaimed Best Friend, Paulie.
Charley is in the best mood of his life, as tonight he is going to confess his feelings to his crush in the band, Sacha "Nothing is Going to Spoil my Mood Today"
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| "I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING!" |
Charley's Grandparents were a loving couple and so it set Charley with Unrealistic Standards. When Jana, His Mother, turned her father's Barbers and mother's Funeral Directors into the same business, it became the primo place for Old And Bitter Gossipers to spill the beans. Two of them gossip about Toni's return and when one the women points out Charley's looks a lot like "that Fat Blimp", the penny drops.
Quicker than you can say, "Disney's Coco" a Musically Talented Child wants to learn about his family, despite being told he will be disappointed. 3 hours of arguing are removed (a TUDUM is heared!) Charley's Last Resort is to hold his breath and Jana Acquises. So they separately leave for Berlin.
Toni sees this as a scam, but Charley Cranks Up the Waterworks, with a world Best dad mug, he fobs the teen off with a tenner and leaves, but oh well, nothing is going to ruin his good mood today
Back on the road, Toni does the math in his head, the days do add up, but He used Protection that night, Right?
RIGHT?
That's when he stops the car as Jana has blocked the road with the next level of emotional Blackmail...hundreds of Baby Dolls that say "Papa" and Charley's voice in pointed insults to Toni when touched. In the middle of it all, Toni doesn't find Jana, but Johnny and Nancy giving her stepfather a ticket.
We see in flashback an hour ago, Johnny making an Oddly Specific Sui**de pact that he wanted to be ran over by a Baby doll Truck. Since Toni is in possession of the tow truck, it's his responsibility to clear the dolls, and Oh joy, oh Bliss, He has to take the creep with him.
Bringing the Baby dolls to Kaio to have them blown up, Toni goes to write a song, but the words don't come out. He injures himself in frustration, only made worse by Johnny trying to Coddle his Stepson who is 10 years older than his "Father". Toni Is invited to dinner, and accepts when he learns it's Meatballs.
At the Dinner table, he learns Jana is gone from the Salon, that is now closed forever. This brings us to a quirk Toni has, that he is guilty, he cannot bring himself to eat. Under the threat of being shot by Nancy, he brings Meatballs to Charley, only to see they have similar quirks and Foibles when Eating.
Toni's idea is to have Nancy raise Charley with her sister's help. Turns out Karo, the sister who had her wedding ruined by Toni, knew of Charley the whole time. Charley meets Johnny for the first time and after calling himself Toni's Father again, The Naive Boy calls Johnny Grandpa "Which" sets him off in waterworks once more.
Toni goes to leave for Berlin again and Charley opens the Simpsons Did it First Playbook, by hugging Toni, the Rapper looks at Duck and he finally gives in. He'll stay in Schitten-On-Havel, but only until Jana Returns for one week. And that time will go solely to song Writing.
That's when things go south for Charley when he kisses Sacha. Nancy has a fourth daughter, Who in her scenes she is either Obscured by Props, filmed out of Focus or simply not there.
AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW WHO WON THE PONY?, But turns out, Charley and Sacha are cousins!
And Episode 2 ends with Charley putting his arm around Sacha's Shoulder and Proclaims today, the best day ever, only for Sacha to exit stage right to vomit!
Episode 3: Kobi
Our last episode for this post. Opens with what I assume is hours later from that night as we hear Sonarous Snoring and Bharms lullaby can be heard over the Towing company building.
The narrator says it best.
"If there is three things Toni Fliesh was good at, it was Sleeping, Procrastinating and Sleeping"
But Now he has Charley in his life after 14 years and he wants to get in as much time with his father, he watches Toni in his sleep.
Not even Johnny is that Creepy-I HOPE!
Cons to being a Parent to an orphaned teenager overnight-Arrested Development like cuddling in his bed.
Pros to being a parent to an Orphaned teenager overnight- Acquiring a person who was taught how to make a hearty Breakfast
Or A Hearty Breakfast-if it was made by Heston Blumenthal!
And the morning begins with Johnny Suffering though hot Dog coffee, Green Chilli jelly Pasta and worst of all, Chocolate Scrambled eggs.
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| "THAT BOY AIN'T RIGHT, I TELL YOU WHAT! LET TONI ENJOY HIS CORNFLAKES IN HIS COFFEE IN PEACE!" |
Cajoled by Johnny to at least try some Chocolate eggs, turns out by some miracle, It's actually delicious. He changes the subject by asking if its OK to still be in love with your cousin "Asking for a friend!" Toni despite not being a father for long, even he knows that's a bad idea. Johnny However gives the while "a lot of Royalty and Genius married their Cousins" speech, we also learn it's the norm in his home country of Mexico.
Charley wants to do every father-Son after school At once, but Toni reminds him he only has a week left to wrote a debut song.
So now we have a new subplot, as the aforementioned Cult like one party politician/actress Veronica Ferres has plans for the land the Towing company is on.
Thanks to Charley's Rambunctiousness, Toni lacks the Energy to write a song. Speaking of Charley, Sacha breaks it off, knowing what we now know.
Paulie breaks up band class to introduce a Swiss Foreign Exchange Student, the eponymous Kobi.
And when this shy boy plugs his guitar into an amp and gives it few licks, he becomes the most desirable thing to girls his age. And Charley doesn't like how much Sacha is staring at him.
🎵Somebody's Jealous/ Somebody's Jealous!🎵
Toni Sleeps til 2pm. With no Work Done, Toni does Random Sh*t to procrastinate even further. But in a Toy box under his childhood bed, he may have found the unlikeliest of Solutions.
A VHS OF A PUPPET'S 12 STEPS TO BEING A RAP GOD!
This is a show with CGI Ducks and Road Blocking Baby Dolls, were you really expecting normalcy?
Charley's way of Coping with Jealousy is naturally not to address it, by being Jeering and Passive Aggressive to Kobi. Who, as the only boy his age, asks Charley what's there in Schitten-On-Havel to do for fun. After learning Kobi is deathly allergic to Dogs, he sets up a hangout in a Hanger, that Charley fails to mention, is a territory for wild Dogs.
Back at Toni, we get an explanation on Huso, A Rapping Puppet in the 90s, whose back story is treated like he was a Real-life Rapper, who fell off after taking Dr*gs and of course, that leads to Tutorials like this.
Let's just hope it's better than Dick Dickman's 10 steps to be a private Detective.
At the last moment, Toni being the Cosmic Joke he is watches the tape being warped just as the Puppet was to reveal the secret to rap, that's when Toni remembers he broke off the piece that when removed, makes a tape rerecordable. To record an Apt Film.
"Armageddon"
It's one of Toni's favourite films and he spends the whole time he could be writing, watching it.
Also we learn the Baby Duck has a name now-Tupac!
Charley goes to meet Sacha at his aunt's work, Which like his mother's salon/Funeral Directors, the Police Station is also a Nail Salon, but only because save for the Odd Behaviour in Town, times are hard for Nancy.
Meanwhile Ferres plan to Acquire the Land of the Towing company makes it's first move, by her trying to buy the land from Johnny with a novelty Lottery Check. Johnny, not knowing better is about fall for Veronica's trick, until he sees A Vision of Wera....in the cover of the.....(sigh! The things they film to make me say!) Karma Sutra For Older Couples he was reading.
Frightening him, Johnny refuses. But Ferres will not back down. Plan A it is, Continue to make the Fliesh Family miserable.
Once again, Sacha tells Charley it's over. When he hears on Police Radio a call about a Rabid dog escaping the Hanger, he goes to save Kobi out of guilt! But he needs dad's help.
Johnny tries to call Toni but he still has bad coverage. On top of everything else, here Is Maria Muller-Muller arriving by Helicopter.
Kobi is actually covered by little Cute Sheepdog puppies, but to someone who could die from a single touch, the puppies might as well be the Zombie Dogs from Resident Evil.
Trapped in An Abandoned car, Kobi cannot bring himself to leave it. So Toni goes to tow it away, But is Blocked by the Rabid Dog. To save the Day, it's the Female Narrator who reveals herself to save the day. You thought the Narrator was Maria, no that's her dubbed voice, but it's also the voice of....Tupac The Duck!
Sure Enough, Tupac scares off the Rabid Dog with her Cuteness-WAIT A MINUTE! How does a Freshly Hatched Duck be so knowledgeable about the town, but also stuff that happened on the 90s?
Toni returns and is shocked by a Cut-Out of Muller-Muller. Johnny, not knowing his own ass from a hole in the Ground, when it comes to music production, Thinks he did Toni a Favour by arranging a meeting with Muller-Muller in her office at 8am. Toni has to practically sit Johnny down to explain to him that intros are not Full Songs. He has nothing. A day is wasted and Toni does not blame himself for wasting most of it! He ends the third episode and this post blaming both the father and the son he didn't want in his life.
This was a good start to a show. Crap Happens has that Surreal Father Ted Feel to it. The Show is both Undeniably German, but also feels Universal. The Characters are all losers, but they are all likable. Three episodes in, and there is still a lot of intrigue to why characters are the way they are. This show is interesting and funny, I will be returning to it in November.
Next month, we are still in Germany and on Netflix. As we finish Last year's Halloween special. When I review the last 3 episodes of Cassandra.
CREDITS
Crap Happens was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham.
With Media from:
Crap Happens
Supahot Fire by Deshawn Raw YouTube channel
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
The Amazing World of Gumball
Vevo
King of the Hill
Dragon Ball Z and Dragonball Z Abridged
Crap Happens was Produced by Warner Bros International Programming (Germany) For Netflix. All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners.
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