(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE...)
After saving the world, Eamonn invited his friends to the Paradise Planet of Harmonis, to meet His Benefactor of the Galactic G-men...and his lover, Sabaru. Humanoid creature called a Mara, a creature that feeds off the dreams and fear of intelligent life, though she is reformed, they have touchdown on the Planet, as Eamonn is reviewing the latest Dvd to regain his power....
That DVD Is Dinner for Schmucks, the kind of rom-com-vom Paul Rudd did before becoming Ant-Man! A Stockbroker has a chance to get a promotion if he finds an Idiot for public Ridicule at his boss' dinner party. When Tim (Rudd) encounters Corpse-Mouse Sculptor Barry Speck (Steve Carrell), who in the space of 2 days, Injures Tim, Contacts Tim's Stalker and possibly ran his fiance into the Arms of another man, a pretentious Russel Brand Stand-in, who owns a Secret Ranch...which is where we leave off!)
Barry's Real Job is as a Tax Inspector and If Kirin Owns a Ranch, It's Upkeep will be Listed as an Expenditure on his Tax Returns, which will have the address of the Ranch! So they take a trip to the IRS office to meet Thurman (Zack Gallifinakis), An Agnostic data Cruncher who's work with deal with liars all day, has convinced him he has Mind control powers. And this is where anything to save Barry's Character falls flat. He BELIEVES IN SUPERSTITION AND THE SUPERNATURAL! All Thurman has to do is say I have mind control and Barry clams up. Thurman wants to "Use his power" to make Barry say that he can have his Pudding, When Tim says he'll give Barry a $1000 dollars of Pudding. Thurman tells Tim he'll Audit him for "Having that much money to spend on just Pudding" I guess Semantics is a thing that only happens to other people if you work for the IRS! Tim now has another headache thanks to Barry's "Help" and still doesn't have the address to the Ranch! It Just Get's Worse!
Angry with Barry once again, Tim sees a Car dress up with the Redhead woman meeting Thurman. The Woman is Barry's Ex-Wife, Martha. You'll Remember the first scene of Barry making the Dioramas? Well Female Mice was always Redheads so it was a recreation of His former love life. Tim hears Thurman call the woman "Pudding" and so Tim realizes it was not about Food! This has broken Tim dowm so he lets Barry stay in his demolished Home.
Barry keeps spinning Tim's mind about Judy supposedly cheating on Him. Are you use to the Phrase "It Get's Worse" Yet? Because Guess What? Turns out Barry likes to watch people in their sleep! So the only Tim can deal is to treat Barry like a child and have him watch Youtube cat Videos til he laughs himself to sleep, Oblivious to Tim Crying himself to sleep. Tim Finds Barry's portfolio and pictures of Dioramas of the breakdown of Barry and Martha's Marriage.
BUT NEVERMIND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OR THAT BULLSHIT!
Let's have Tim Continue to Treat Barry like a child as he goes to work, Giving him a Bowl Of cereal and tells him to sit Until he returns for the Dinner....But wouldn't you know it! HE'S FORGOTTEN HIS PHONE TOO! And the message was his work telling him the new address to meet Mueller.
And Because Barry takes what he is told at face Value, He runs after Tim, Still in the chair, carrying the furniture like a turtle on his Back. Tim is in the new address, because like all appointment based jobs he went to his secretary to confirm his meetings, But Barry doesn't know that! and since they are not friends the only mutual person who would know Where Tim is...is his Stalker, Darla! The Muellers have an Unfortunate Encounter with Barry has he's Accidentally Racist to the Swiss! I never thought a comedy that has both David Walliams and Steve Carrell exchanging lines would be Torture to listen to so Fast Forward Reveals Darla finding the Ring-Box on Tim's Person, and since The Muellers have NOT meet Julie (And Of course, Barry is no Help!) Tim Proposes to Julie....as the real Julie Arrives! Tim tries to salvage his relationship by saying he trusts her, she got the message from Kirin to go to his Ranch ...except she didn't....she didn't get the message....she left THE PHONE AT HIS FLAT! So angry about being called a cheater she now goes to Kirin's Ranch! ANDHERE COMES THE STUPIDIST THING ABOUT REALLY BAD ROM-COMS1 WHEN THE WRONGLY ACCUSED SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS!
"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF A THING? I'M SO MAD, I'M GONNA DO THE THING YOU ACCUSED ME OF, OUT OF SPITE!" But She Says it's her Job and She want her to be part of "The Artistic Process"...Aka Bang her, But when he reveals he only knows because he broke into Kirin's house, she Drives off!
By the way, did we Resolve who's voice Laughter it was in the Voicemail Since it seems it's not Julie's , was it one of the models During Kirin's Furry Sex, I don't Remember Them Laughing During The Scene!
Barry, in a State of Good Sense, Picks up Tim in Tim's car, only for Darla to Attack with a Sign-Post! But All this was to prove A point and her to have a Shiny rock for her to Pawn Off!
With Tim telling Barry it's all his fault. Barry Calls Thurman to Concede, getting the Address in Nevada for Kirin's Ranch. As Kirin tries and nearly succeeds in seducing Julie, Until Tim and Barry arrive to see Kirin come out as Dressed as a faun! Julie seeing her boss like this catches her on that Tim told the truth....even if it meant he broke into a house because he couldn't trust her! It's all Barry's fault what does he know about relationships when he couldn't stop his own from breaking down...And Barry hears all of it!
Julie is returning to Tim after the show, But Barry has sussed out that the Dinner is a contest for Losers. Barry returns home and goes to Destroy his works, Until he gets an Idea one that involved the return Mouse-Corpse of Tim being redressed as a Groom....
It's the Night of the Dinner and It seems Mueller had to be told by Fender the situation. Fender wants Mueller's Money or Fender Finance will be Done and Tim will never work as a stockbroker again, as long as Fender is around!
It's the night of the Dinner for Schmucks and Barry has arrived early, Playing along as a penance to Tim, But the Competition is high, including A Bipolar Ventiliquist, a Vulture-Wrangler, a Competitive beard-grower, A Pet Psychic and A Cameo by Chris O'Dowd as a Blind French Fencer (He was not Blind by Birth but by Stupidity, so in the same logic of this film you can ridicule the self-inflicted!)
So Dinner is served, And Each Contestant Has a Chance to Embarrass Themselves For Fender and Mueller's Amusement. Because Barry is aware, and wants to make up to Tim so he can have the promotion, acts extra pathetic, Though It's tough when the Pet Psychic is served a Lobster and starts "channeling the lobster's spirit" Screaming like she's being boiled in water! Barry shows off a display of Dioramasa, which basically the Youtube video "Whole History of the world, I Guess"...In Mouse form...Until he says Francis Bacon invented Bacon....Though what do i expect when a woman Pantomiming being boiled in a pot is a tough act to follow?
10 Dioramas Later and Barry has revealed his last, a wedding of Mouse Julie and Mouse Tim getting Married, It looks like Tim will win...Until Mr Filch, reveals Thurman, who uses his "MIND-CONTROL" on Barry to make him reveal Dirty secrets about him! Tim is disgusted and in the backroom tells Barry what's up, But Barry knows, and he wants Tim to get this Promotion because he ruined it with Him and Julie! So Barry is Smarter than Tim gives credit for and he wants Barry to win, FOR BARRY, Sadly Superstition cannot be cured, so Barry is still pliable enough for Tim to tell Barry he has, and i quote "Brain-Control, which is more powerful than Mind-control because the brain tells the mind what to do!" They then proceed to mime a gun fight with Mind Powers, until Thurman gets a taste of his Medicine when Barry blackmails him about his sex-life..which he only knows because Thurman always made Martha cheat on Barry in her house!
The Display of Stupidity Makes Barry the Winner...only for Tim to tell Fender to take his job and Shove it, Barry only did this so Tim will have the money to support his fiance, a fiance he may not have when he comes home! Mueller however thinks Barry is a Ringer and since Mueller is a Rich Idiot who squandered Millions on Garish Art, he accuses Fender of inviting him as his idiot. When the other Guests realizes what has happened. It sets off a change of Events that starts with the Blind fencer chopping off Muellers Finger and it eaten by the Vulture, and ends with Fender's Mansion set on fire!
When Tim and Barry return to the flat, it seems Julie has not. Tim spills his guts about how much she loves her and It's a good scene except ,they already did the "(S)He's Behind me, Isn't (S)he?" trope already and unless it's a running joke, which it isn't! you should never use a trope twice!
And so our film ends with Mouse-Corpse Diaramas telling us what happened Next. Tim and Barry remained friends as do the other Schmucks, Barry and Kirin collabed on works and toured worldwide. Tim and Mueller opened a Modern Art Museum (With Barry sculpting a statue of Martin's severed Finger!) Barry and Darla hooking up, Thurman locked up in an Insane Asylum . And Tim and Julie got Married. Barry tried to surprise them in Paris, only for Her to "Curate Tim....MANY TIMES!"
THIS FILM IS DIVISIVE TO SAY THE LEAST,
There is a heart in this film, but you really need to dig deep to find it! Tim is an asshole, Barry is a mixture of Mid-Life Crisis, Supernational Believer and tone-deaf Autistic Stereotypes that Frankensteining all the tropes together means no-one can be offended, if all things are offended at once! This film doesn't work because the Idiot is not someone who is awe-inspiring, or tough in his adversity or Earnest. All his misfortunes is Barry's own doing! Even his attempts to help fail because he doesn't know, or in the worse case, refuses to listen to, WHY! this went wrong! It gets better during the end, but you have to endure 40 minutes of very bad, cringeworthy questionable humour. Only watch if your salt intake isn't at Dead Sea Levels!
AND NOW TO THE LAST CHAPTER OF SABOTAGE BY SLEEP.
Led to a Romanesque Amphitheater, on a wide Plinth looking like a stage, Eamonn was recharging his power-glove and sealing away the power of the Devil Dvd. However this was different he was not floating in the air, in a state of sleep, his eyelids twitching in rapid R.E.M.s
"Ah....a Piece of your Power masquerading as Human Knowledge. You are are indeed still a creature of Habit, Beelzebub!" Sabaru Joking said as she slid on her arm seductively and possessively down the floating man's arm, ending with her Nailed Hand clasping his like a vice. "My Signee has told me so!"
-Yeah about that, "Signees!" what is that all about?
(Sabaru closes her eyes, and Bowed her head. Her Smiling Red Lips went to a neutral expression for the first time!)
you Remember the War?
-Wot War?
-The Cognitive war Between Beings who called themselves "Gods", The Cosmic Entities and those that were labelled "Demons", Beezlebub, Minor Entities that control the flow of time, And my race the Mara, Our Race were Vile, Feasting and growing fat of the Fear of a New Species that just Feel out of the tree and started Walking, Humans. The Battlefield was their minds and the Prize their worship. Bit in a twist it was Humans that fought back. The Human Dante was tasked by Beelzebub here to create a narrative of a then non-existent hell, only for the wily Scribe to write it as a Prison, and if something is believed, it becomes so. Without a Leader, Minor Entities, like The Reaper, The Elephant in the Room, those involved in the seasons turned on Demon and out-matched, The Cosmic Entities gave up their Godly status and Physical Forms and used the power to seals us in the Hammerspace, a world between reality and dreams, Scrounging up an existence, feeding on Nightmares of the sleeping, fighting over who can eat it like starving Dogs! All because of the Entities, and their Pride and their Games.
-SOCCER!
-WHAT!
I GETZ IT!
To be fair, i'm not as clevererererer as Ye, Da Divil or any Townie, but I knowz Soccer! Ye are as Powerful as them Enter-Teas who play wif da souls ov men like Da Gawds ov Grease! like Prawns on a Cheeseboard!
But you are knot making Eamonn a Prawn, you are making Eamonn a Player.
You are makin' your own League! Your own Game Ov Souls!
-My...My....These Humans....they are more Clever than what you give credit for!
(Stirring to awake, Eamonn descended gently onto the plinth, propping himself to a sitting position. He was helped up to his feet by Sabaru, as They turned the pull into an embrace)
So, What did you talk about while i was out. Hopefully about me not returning to Earth 1.
-WHAT
-WOT?
"Oh I Forgot!" The blonde said with feigned Ignorance. "But now time like the Present..." She continued, her tone becoming more bitter as she spoke!
Eamonn is under Contract to serve the Galactic G-men as a whole! We do not deal in Sector, we are dispatched when needed. And Granted Eamonn is powerful, He had Training and access to the tools needed at that time, Such as it were. The Track Record speaks for itself! Defeating Beelzebub, The Master Control, The Leader, Edwin Tantalus....And Yet 7 Billion Terrans on Earth. And none GIVE HIM THE RESPECT HE IS DUE!
-BUT IT CAN'T BE THE ONLY REASON!
Sabaru laughed. Her frightening face, softened once more
"You are Right, Beelzebub!"
Daddy! Mama!
(A Young girl, ran from a servant and climbed awkardedly like a toddler her Age, she Raised her Arms above the head toward Eamonn, Squeezing her little palms over and over as she cried for Attention.)
Hiya, Baby! Have you being A Good Girl?
OH HOLY GAWD! SHE CALLED DADA? YOU DIDN'T?
....AND WITH A MARA? EAMONN YOU DIDN'T....
(SatanicOstrich Used his power to detect Sins. He could feel Eamonn. Joe-Jack and Sabaru with the weight of their Souls were practically Burning. but he Focus on the Baby...)
(IMPOSSIBLE!)
Joe-Jack we have to Leave!
-Huh? Why?
-Sabaru is right! Eamonn cannot return to Earth unless he wants to. Besides. I think the Humans are in Danger if we don't go back!
(With Tears and Regrets. Our Heroes Board the Train to Hell as it flew from the skies of Harmonis back to Earth's Galaxy. Sabaru looked on with a smug look on her Face. Her League to make the Greatest Team of Heroes will Succeed.
EVEN IF IT MEANT MAKING SURE OTHERS DIED FAILING!
THE END!
CREDITS
I Love You Man and Dinner for Schmucks were Reviewed, Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli)
WITH MEDIA FROM
I Love you, Man.
Derry Girls
Dinner For Schmucks.
Both films are property of Paramount. All Rights Reserved. All media used in all four parts belong to their respective Owners!
NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE.
THE NEW STORYLINE-A GAME OF 2 HALVES AND NO QUARTER-BEGINS WITH MEN IN BLACK INTERNATIONAL!
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