Eamonn Reviews Hustlers

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Eamonn Reviews Two Night Stand

 (FOREWORD: THE CURRENT STORYLINE WILL BE MOVED TO MY OTHER BLOG, ENLIGHTENEDTOWERS.BLOGSPOT.IE, FOR REASONS TO BE ANNOUNCED THERE ON THE FIFTH OF APRIL.)

Cover is three scenes that look like something out of a women's Magazine ask the Sexpert page, with the last picture looking exactly like the "I bet he's thinking of other Women" Meme.

Let's find out How out of my depth I really am, Let's have ourselves a Two Night Stand!

The film starts with a woman waking up from a one night stand next to a Snoring Young Man. She leaves a note (with no phone Number) and goes to leave his flat, But his front door is set to an Alarm, so she scrunches up her note and puts the blankets back over her.

We cut to sometime Before, and the Woman, Megan (Annaleigh Tipton) lies about her life on a Dating site, as she eats whole gingerbread houses in her footie pajamas, while Exposition News warns us a Blizzard is about to hit the Eastern Seaboard. 

It would be an awful shame if Not-Zendaya who shares the flat has to kick out Megan for not paying her rent, So Faiza laughs at how pathetic she is for starting online dating, She invites the waste of air Megan to a birthday of a single man described as "pretty, but kinda dumb, A perfect one night Stand" It's also a birthday party so, Free Cake!

So Megan, Faiza, and her boyfriend Cedric (the former Kid Cudi) Goes to the Club, Megan is turned away for not having ID, and bumps into her ex with a new girlfriend. So Faiza encourages her to go home and get a hookup via internet dating.

Or.....and here's a funny thought....you could tell her to PAY YOU THE MONEY SHE OWES YOU FOR RENT, YOU DUMBASS!

Back at her flat, full of ennui and red wine, Megan sets her bar low and goes Online dating, Finding Alec, (Miles Teller, Yer man from Whiplash, remember when that movie was a thing?) Neither of them done this before.

So we return to the events after Megan's attempt to peace out, and Alec goes off harder, he turns it off and goes back to sleep til his Alarm goes off with some obnoxious R&B, She calls him the wrong name, she gets defensive when he implies she's done this before, though what he meant was dating in general, for the pretty girl, but turns into an argument with both cursing each other and hoping never to see the other again! But, Wouldn't You Know, Who Won The Pony? But the Blizzard has hit and Megan is trapped in Alec's Building.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQeezCdF4mk

Because it's Christmas week, there is no snow plough or Civil Engineering, for at least 2 days! Faiza and Cedric are no help since they decided to turn the flat into a love nest to forgo their lazy flatmate paying her money, if they wanted to help her (which they don't)

So stuck in the blizzard, the two one night standers have to do the impossible: get to know each other, something the unemployed waster Megan gets defensive when asked about her career, not wanting this stranger to judge her as a stupid idiot!

So anyway, Megan Clogs the Toilet because she is an Idiot....

How it happened is that In the Bathroom, Megan finds Magazines on Dating and Psychological Profiling, and I wouldn't know, I'm not exactly beating women away with a stick, But I don't think Women like being Put under the Microscope, So she Shoves the entire page down the Porcelain Throne, causing it to overflow, During a Blizzard on Christmas. Alec deals with this by getting high.

During A game of Table Tennis,  Alec wants to know about  why Megan Cannot get a Job After Medical School, to which she answers by throwing the ping pong ball into a waste disposal unit.

So is this a Running Joke? Every time she is Evasive about it she will destroy Plumbing?

So to pass the time, What do most 20-Somethings do? Watch TV? Drink?

Bzzzt?

WRONG ANSWER!

The Correct Answer is off course, Build a Pillow Fort and eat lots of Children's Cereal!

We learn that despite doing the Mary Jane, Somehow Alec is an Assistant Manager at a bank, Doing Drugs is his way of catching up with all the rebelling you're supposed to do as a teenager. Megan doesn't partake, Because she once walked on her parents Smoking weed and watching porn. Megan grew up the only one in her class to have both parents living together, so to see them like that, doing things to spice up the drudgery of marriage, may have messed her up!

A song plays on a record and Megan tells Alec not to look, Coyly saying that if she is seen dancing, he'll fall in love with her. But I think it's too late!

Because they need to fix that toilet, Alec tries to borrow a plunger from a neighbour, but since it's Christmas, people are out of town. So they break into the flat, to steal a plunger, Megan bleeding from smashing a glass window belonging to a child's room! Alec gives her a tissue that she gives back bloodied.

PLOT POINT!

Unclogging the toilet, He reads the Offending Article, literally! It was an Article  in a magazine that offended her. So Because they are still convincing each other they will never see each other again they give constructive criticisms of the opposite sex of all the mannerisms they hate. So they have sex again with the criticisms noted, but since this is Sex Scene on a comedy film, there is jokes between foreplay and even him giving her belly a raspberry.

It's the Next Morning and there is no food left so Alec has Stole from the same neighbours. So Megan reveals that she didn't become a doctor because when she was engaged she only to the course to impress those she will meet, she always wanted to be a wife and mother, only for him to cheat for saying she is too career minded and Ambitious. Looking for a sweatshirt to wear, she finds pictures and women's clothing, learning Alec is cheating on a girlfriend with her, after everything she just said, he tells her he found a dear John Letter intended for him, but Megan is still pissed about it.

As the show stops and Civil Engineers get a shift on, Megan comes home, as does Alec's Girlfriend each finding notes that point to the relationship been over. Megan deletes her account and Faiza and Cedric asks Megan to leave....as soon as their party is over!

So let's finish this!

Because dating services can only give full names and addresses to police should their clients commit a crime, Alec has the idea to pin the break in with her blood as evidence. At her soon to be former flat, her Former classmate the cute dumb guy whose birthday it was comes to talk to her, while she is blitzed out of her mind, the police arrest her for the break-in and she refuses bail, so Megan spends new year in jail than speak to the man who put there.

Cedric and Faiza make her bail and Alec arrives with flowers and Balloons to confess his love, telling her one day she'll look it and laugh, she gives him his numbers, and tells him it will never happen. She sees the balloon reads "I AM AN ASSHOLE!" To which she laughs so that means she has to call him, so our story ends with are two star-crossed lovers, jobless, homeless and with previous that will be harder to find, but at least they have each other, right?

Meh!

Sorry for not opening the final chapter with my stolen catchphrase, but this film is Meh! The acting Meh! The premise is Meh, the Direction is Meh!

It's just a big fat.....MEH!!!!!

CREDITS

Two Night Stand was reviewed, Compiled and Edited and by Eamonn Bermingham (follow me on Twitter @RealEnli)

With media from:

Two night Stand

Regular Show

Two night stand was produced by Demarast Films and Distributed by Signature Films.

NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE AND THE ENLIGHTENED TOWERS BLOGS

AN EVENT THAT WILL SADLY END ONE OF OUR SERIES OF HIGHLY READ REVIEWS.

THE LAST 9 EPISODES OF CODE LYOKO!

IN 4 DOUBLE BILLS!

THIS IS MY STORYLINE EVENT FOR THIS YEAR, LIKE NO OTHER!

TICKET TO......

HEAVEN!

RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW!

Eamonn Reviews Burnt

 A GAME OF TWO HALVES AND NO QUARTER: BUSH LEAGUE HEROES

Eamonn had Returned from Earth secretly celebrating Christmas. but there was no merry-making to be found. Without Eamonn in tow, the Yearly rise of Zombie Tourists at Joe-jack's house was not quelled in October. This led to a big falling out that Eamonn is too involved with a lover and a child and a fake league of Intergalatic heroes.

We open with Said Lover, the Mara called Sabaru. on her planet Harmonis in an office looking at Blueprints and speaking into a crystal Ball with several faces on it. Yes, even magical artifacts have a conference call function.

So I've gone through The books and planning permission and it'll all good. The Planets have bought into my heroes exploits but it's not enough, which is where the Training School and Barracks comes in.

-but you are having trouble convincing the Humans?

-They'll come around, afterall, the feast is only good when you let the meat, Marinate. Correct?

Sabaru, felt a presence. 

Gentlemen, I Must go, A very large Bird has flown into my Crosshairs.

"QUE PASA, BITCH?"

Oh Beelzebub! You've come to visit! Let me Guess, "Earth is my Turf, Bitch!" Something like that?

No, Sabaru, We all know we won't be satisfied with just Earth. And whatever your endgame is. I HOPE! you spare Eamonn's feelings after it all comes falling down.

(Mara's eyes Darted as her Fake Smile became a scowl. For the Briefest of Moments, her eyes were purest pitch black, before reverting to Blue.

What is this, Satan? Professional Courtesy? Are we talking Shop? You jealous a former lackey is doing more to instill hope in the universe in one year, when you have underperformed to bring real despair to your backwater planet of hairless apes?

You are making the same mistake, i have always Made! I Underestimate the humans. I underestimated MY human! And by Making him YOUR human, when he Finds out the truth about his "Children" it will break him. And not in a way you want it to happen. Once he has no excuse to hold back, he won't!

I saw him punch His best friend to death to reseal Reality. Killing Eighties Lad, is what lead him to you. I'm warning you, Not as your former General, as your Friend, Drop this! Train real heroes. Settle for this planet. Live a REAL family life. Or keep going down the road your on, Your choice.

MY, MY MY, Beelzebub! what was that Saying again, the road to hell is paved with Good Intentions? Sorry, But being the last of my Kind, Kind of means i want to leave a parting gift to the world and if i die, why not by being surrounded by the ones i love and my own Kind?

"You're own kind, but didn't JUST you say....WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?"

"Oh, well that would be telling, but all i'll say is....watch this space!"

SatanicOstrich Folded his Arms and Bowed his Head in Defeated Thought. and as quick as he entered, the flames Erupted under his feet and he was gone.

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

So Last Month I reviewed a film, I Was Generally surprised by, Badland. Will My second film i bought out of a Bargain Bin prove that  that Lightning Strikes Twice? Well Let's Dig into Burnt

"BUUURRRRRNT. ZE NU FRRRRRRAAAAGRANSSSSS BY CHRISTIAN DEEE-OR! (WITH APOLOGIES TO FRENCH SPEAKERS EVERYWHERE!)

Seriously look at this cover, It looks like a Aftershave ad! If you saw this, you would have no idea what the plot of this film was. I said it before and i'll say it again, white backgrounds and headshots are terrible covers. For comics and Dvd's

The Plot is that Adam Jones (Bradley Cooper) was a 2 Michelin Star Chef, who Threw it all away because of drugs and Arrogance.

We open in A tram in New Orleans, where we get over the shoulder view of Adam's day as he narrates. Three years ago, he was a hotshot chef in Paris, until SOMETHING! Happened that made him lose everything. Whatever the SOMETHING! was, it caused his father to kick him out of Paris. And Now he's being working in a dive bar, shucking Oysters til he had prepared 1 million, "As a Penance"

hmmmm!

HEY CHEF RAMSAY!

"HEY, BIG BOY! YOU'RE SUCH A BIG TALKER, AREN'T YA? IF YOU PUT AS MUCH ENERGY INTO COOKING AS TALKING, YOU WOULDN'T BE SO FUCKING SHIT!"

THANK YOU!

So After walking through Stock Footage of New Orleans an Airport and London. He finds himself at a hotel Owned by a man he calls "Lil Tony". We get Dumped Exposistion, turns out the SOMETHING! Was Meth, the Death of a Sous Chef, from said drug, and the abandonment of the daughter of his now dead mentor, who he left pregnant!

Big Tony invites Adam for Breakfast to discuss his plan to take over his hotel's restaurant and gain his 3rd star. As he has Breakfast he wants to me the chef he will be under, i mean over in Helene (Sierra Miller) who thinks he is a dick. you know where this going, right?

Exploring London, He Recognizes a French Sous Chef he screwed over called Michel, he runs when the Black man chases after him and attack him wanting to settle some score.

So it Turns out the Arrogant Dick, off his tits on Crank, filled Michel's restaurant with rats and called the Health Inspector. But he's here to forgive him. Back at the Hotel, Adam's Card has Bounced. So he finds a gullible fanboy called David selling Street food and tricks him into living at his house and being paid 100 pounds a week to give David Lessons. His first lesson is free. Be Arrogant, you are a chef. All Chef's are Arrogant Pricks. You need to cook with Arrogance, so your First meal of the night is as good as your last Meal. He also turn's David's kitchen into a workplace and he and his girlfriend into guinea pigs!

As Adam draws from a notebook of contacts for his takeover as he eats from a a Burger King, Helene arrives after he invited her. She is pretty uppity about the place, thus turns into a big Debate about Food Snobbery, That a 2 Euro Burger has the same cheap cuts of meat in the hotel's €20 cassoulet.

He continues on his Pretentious Tirade, Claiming that Helene hates Burger Joints because they are Consistent, and Consistent meals is like Missionary Sex. She Gets Flustered by this Statement. He claims having a Sense of Danger makes Meals Exciting.

It also Makes Adam a huge Hypocrite. Wasn't he just telling David that being a prick will make him more Consistent?

But never mind the Eventual releasing of Sexual Tension. Adam Asks the Favour of a food Critic/Former lover to stick it to Little Tony.

Simone Forde (Uma Thurman) turns up at the hotel and his kitchen is not up to par, when Tony turns and sees Adam In his whites, the penny drops; this is a setup! Desperate, Tony let's Adam have reign over the kitchen after taste the Grouse and acts like the defeated villains in Food wars!

So Adam wants the Restaurant Tony owns in London before he returns to Paris triumphant. He's building a team, David, who's a greenhorn. Little Tony, who hates him, Michel, who hates him less, Max, a guy who will be out of prison in two days, and Helene, Who Tony is worried that Adam will just bang at the drop of a hat!

Tony however sees through his game, and makes sure Adam takes regular Sobriety tests, the Doctor I'd Emma Thompson and Adam doesn't take the thing seriously

"I've taken so much, it's probably stored in my Ankles"

We meet more side characters, the Chef, Montgomery Reese who thrived after Adam crashed and burned, and the aforementioned Max, who was in jail on an assault charge. Soon Langham hotel will open, Despite Little Tony thinking Adam suffers from some sort of OCD about not having Hellene.

So he convinces Big Tony to fire Helene, So she can work for him!

Naturally, Word that Wolfgang Puckwit has Returned had not gone down well with the restaurant reviewers he didn't bang! And now Reese is here to rub it in! Naturally having a rag-tag team doesn't work out. Making a menu solely on Shock value, no longer cuts it with restaurant goers. So the next week, Adam goes in television to announce that he's Cooking at his restaurant on the house for the public for 2 weeks as Helene and her daughter, Lillie looks on!

Tony finds Helene, who is a single mother doing the school run, he tries to justify that Adam being a orphan is an excuse for him being a Douchebag. Helene Returns, But Tony had to fork out for a Sous-Vis Cooker.

Hoping to curry favour with Joe Soap, Adam Recreate a Menu of Simple Gourmet versions of English recipes, Gaining Adam's first Honest Review in years. Much to Reece's Dismay who smashes his restaurant in a Hissy Fit!

Despite the Review, Adam still believes food has to be filled with Passion and Emotion, Leading to A montage of Helene Slowly but, Obviously, Falling for him.

Now that Adam's comeback is known, The Michelin Reviewers may arrive at anytime. Tony explains how they work. Michelin sends two critics, one will stay at the hotel, the other arrives on foot, that is because the 2nd will drink and the 1st will not. One will order from the tasting menu, the other from the ala carte menu. The duo will pull out every trick in the book. Asking servers their food knowledge, ordering food to avoid an allergy, Asking for something as ridiculous as a jug of tap water, even placing a fork in the floor to see if it's picked up. So Adam wants all staff to work like they are in someone else's body. However the The French Mafia still want their Money from Adam. Helene wants the day off for Lillie's Birthday, but Adam can't lose momentum. So Adam makes a cake to make up, while Helene becomes as abrasive as Adam.

As Adam is giving his Blood sample, The Doctor tells him that Tony told her about how much he's pushing his staff and continues to distance People, Tony is worried after all, Tony is Gay and always had a crush on him for the longest time, something Adam didn't even know. He continues to distance from staff, not joining them for staff dinner.

So here's where I think this scene and the scene where Adam Bakes a cake Are out of order. At Service, Someone Orders a Cake and Adam gets Uppity about that person not being able to read that Sorbet is on the Menu and he's not using his kitchen to make a cake. (Though we see him doing that the last scene). Helene says tells Adam not to call her daughter Stupid! Yes, because Helene was not given the day off for Lillie's Birthday, she bought her here as her birthday treat! So Adam swallows Pride and makes this Rose Piped Victoria Sponge, monstrosity (IT LOOKS LIKE AN OLD WOMAN'S SWIMCAP!) And Lillie gives Adam a piece of her mind for him shouting at her Mammy!

The Next Morning, Tony tells Adam his feelings as well as Monty Reese has invited Adam to his reopening.

Adam arrives with Helene as his plus one. the trap is set as Anne-Marie, Adam's Baby Momma turns up, and Adam is upset she didn't invite him to her father's funeral. Anne tells him he had inherited Her father's Knifes.

Finding Adam upset in a fish market, Helene tells Adam about her ex-husband, and how much she thought they would always be together. Adam tells her about how He, Max, Michel and Monty all started together in Big Tony's Hotel and how they thought the same thing! But they are both the same: Both wanted something so much , the moment they put some control over it, it was gone. They and nearly shag, but Adam would only prove Little Tony Right! But only because  the Drug dealers followed him. The next Day at Service, Helene finds Adam Beaten and Bloodied and to make matters worse, A table of 2 gentlemen, had ordered and requested a jug of tap water and the waiter pick up a fork from the floor. The Michelin men have arrived.

So Adam, Angry and Possibly Cooking with a Concussion, Adam is more Belligerent as Usual, Then Disaster happens! The Michelin table have sent back their order for being too spicy.

But then Michel, reveals he put the Cayenne in the dish. He bided his time and got his revenge AT THE WORST possible time! Via Sabotage!

The revelation makes Adam go Laughing Mad. He throws his notebook of contacts into the Thames and Invades the Reece Kitchen, Drunk off his own ass to Insult Monty them tries to Kill himself suffocating himself with the bags for the Sous-vis Cooker! Adam had hit a new low, having his life saved by his enemy

Cooking his rival a Hangover Cure Breakfast, Reece gives him a sobering thought! He is Jealous of him, he cannot comprehend how he is always second fiddle to a S-class Tosspot like Adam Jones. and he figures out why! People gravitate to him because they want him to succeed! That becomes evident when Anne-Marie pays off Adam Drug debt while giving him Jean-Luc's Knifes. At the Hotel Tony has good news. he called  Michelin about Michel's Sabotage and turns out They didn't send any inspectors to London, They were two Cheapos who didn't want to pay for extra for drinks! Adam is so happy he Kisses Tony! getting him a little flustered! 

And so the Film ends with a montage showing a passage of time, when The Michelin Men do arrive. when he is told, Adam doesn't give his team any new orders because he trusts them. The order is up and we fade to black.

When we return, we see Adam and Tony giggling like schoolgirls until Adam returns to the Kitchen, the only dialogue being David announcing it's lunchtime for the staff and Everyone shocked Adam is here too!

So....did Adam win his 3rd Michelin star or.....what?

OR MAYBE THE MICHELIN STAR IS THE FRIENDS WE MAKE ALONG THE WAY!

So my final thoughts on this film and will use Food Critique parlance here. This film was Agreeable.

First the Pros.

The Director, John Wells, Definitely has an Eye for Film. For the intricate little details of the food and it's preparation. From Sienna deftly making spaghetti from dough, to salad having pomegranate seeds added one-by one with Surgical precision, to Vibrant colours to searing flames. This cinematography is Food Porn. The cast of stars are well supported by actors who are big deals back in France. And Sienna Miller can act, whenever the role requires her to wear clothes!

The Only con is pretty Simple. The Film is Boring! The Characters are one-note, the Script Predictable, the Pacing is Pedestrian. and the End which is up to debate just makes the film Hollow. A Pure 3 star film. By Next year you would have forgotten all about it!

CREDITS

BURNT was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (Follow me on Twitter at @RealEnli)

With Media from:

Burnt

Hell's Kitchen

Batman Beyond/Batman of the Future

Star Wars Episode 6: return of the Jedi

Burnt was Distributed by Entertainment In Video. All rights reserved. All media used belong to their respective owners.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE.

WE CRAWL OUT OF THE BARGAIN BIN, AND REVIEW OUR LAST CATCH FROM IT. SOMETHING CALLED TWO NIGHT STAND!

2 TICKETS TO HELL: THE MACHINATIONS OF THE MARA: PART 2 OF PART 2: DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS, PART 2

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE...)

After saving the world, Eamonn invited his friends to the Paradise Planet of Harmonis, to meet His Benefactor of the Galactic G-men...and his lover, Sabaru. Humanoid creature called a Mara, a creature that feeds off the dreams and fear of intelligent life, though she is reformed, they have touchdown on the Planet, as Eamonn is reviewing the latest Dvd to regain his power....

That DVD Is Dinner for Schmucks, the kind of rom-com-vom Paul Rudd did before becoming Ant-Man! A Stockbroker has a chance to get a promotion if he finds an Idiot for public Ridicule at his boss' dinner party. When Tim (Rudd) encounters Corpse-Mouse Sculptor Barry Speck (Steve Carrell), who in the space of 2 days, Injures Tim, Contacts Tim's Stalker and possibly ran his fiance into the Arms of another man, a pretentious Russel Brand Stand-in, who owns a Secret Ranch...which is where we leave off!)

 Barry's Real Job is as a Tax Inspector and If Kirin Owns a Ranch, It's Upkeep will be Listed as an Expenditure on his Tax Returns, which will have the address of the Ranch! So they take a trip to the IRS office to meet Thurman (Zack Gallifinakis), An Agnostic data Cruncher who's work with deal with liars all day, has convinced him he has Mind control powers. And this is where anything to save Barry's Character falls flat. He BELIEVES IN SUPERSTITION AND THE SUPERNATURAL! All Thurman has to do is say I have mind control and Barry clams up. Thurman wants to "Use his power" to make Barry say that he can have his Pudding, When Tim says he'll give Barry a $1000 dollars of Pudding. Thurman tells Tim he'll Audit him for "Having that much money to spend on just Pudding" I guess Semantics is a thing that only happens to other people if you work for the IRS! Tim now has another headache thanks to Barry's "Help" and still doesn't have the address to the Ranch! It Just Get's Worse!

Angry with Barry once again, Tim sees a Car dress up with the Redhead woman meeting Thurman. The Woman is Barry's Ex-Wife, Martha. You'll Remember the first scene of Barry making the Dioramas? Well Female Mice was always Redheads so it was a recreation of His former love life. Tim hears Thurman call the woman "Pudding" and so Tim realizes it was not about Food! This has broken Tim dowm so he lets Barry stay in his demolished Home.

Barry keeps spinning Tim's mind about Judy supposedly cheating on Him. Are you use to the Phrase "It Get's Worse" Yet? Because Guess What? Turns out Barry likes to watch people in their sleep! So the only Tim can deal is to treat Barry like a child and have him watch Youtube cat Videos til he laughs himself to sleep, Oblivious to Tim Crying himself to sleep. Tim Finds Barry's portfolio and pictures of Dioramas of the breakdown of Barry and Martha's Marriage.

BUT NEVERMIND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OR THAT BULLSHIT!

Let's have Tim Continue to Treat Barry like a child as he goes to work, Giving him a Bowl Of cereal and tells him to sit Until he returns for the Dinner....But wouldn't you know it! HE'S FORGOTTEN HIS PHONE TOO! And the message was his work telling him the new address to meet Mueller.

And Because Barry takes what he is told at face Value, He runs after Tim, Still in the chair, carrying the furniture like a turtle on his Back. Tim is in the new address, because like all appointment based jobs he went to his secretary to confirm his meetings, But Barry doesn't know that! and since they are not friends the only mutual person who would know Where Tim is...is his Stalker, Darla! The Muellers have an Unfortunate Encounter with Barry has he's Accidentally Racist to the Swiss! I never thought a comedy that has both David Walliams and Steve Carrell exchanging lines would be Torture to listen to so Fast Forward Reveals Darla finding the Ring-Box on Tim's Person, and since The Muellers have NOT meet Julie (And Of course, Barry is no Help!) Tim Proposes to Julie....as the real Julie Arrives! Tim tries to salvage his relationship by saying he trusts her, she got the message from Kirin to go to his Ranch ...except she didn't....she didn't get the message....she left THE PHONE AT HIS FLAT! So angry about being called a cheater she now goes to Kirin's Ranch! ANDHERE COMES THE STUPIDIST THING ABOUT REALLY BAD ROM-COMS1 WHEN THE WRONGLY ACCUSED SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS!

"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF A THING? I'M SO MAD, I'M GONNA DO THE THING YOU ACCUSED ME OF, OUT OF SPITE!" But She Says it's her Job and She want her to be part of "The Artistic Process"...Aka Bang her, But when he reveals he only knows because he broke into Kirin's house, she Drives off!

By the way, did we Resolve who's voice Laughter it was in the Voicemail Since it seems it's not Julie's , was it one of the models During Kirin's Furry Sex, I don't Remember Them Laughing During The Scene!

Barry, in a State of Good Sense, Picks up Tim in Tim's car, only for Darla to Attack with a Sign-Post! But All this was to prove A point and her to have a Shiny rock for her to Pawn Off!

With Tim telling Barry it's all his fault. Barry Calls Thurman to Concede, getting the Address in Nevada for Kirin's Ranch. As Kirin tries and nearly succeeds in seducing Julie, Until Tim and Barry arrive to see Kirin come out as Dressed as a faun! Julie seeing her boss like this catches her on that Tim told the truth....even if it meant he broke into a house because he couldn't trust her! It's all Barry's fault what does he know about relationships when he couldn't stop his own from breaking down...And Barry hears all of it!

Julie is returning to Tim after the show, But Barry has sussed out that the Dinner is a contest for Losers. Barry returns home and goes to Destroy his works, Until he gets an Idea one that involved the return Mouse-Corpse of Tim being redressed as a Groom....

It's the Night of the Dinner and It seems Mueller had to be told by Fender the situation. Fender wants Mueller's Money or Fender Finance will be Done and Tim will never work as a stockbroker again, as long as Fender is around!

It's the night of the Dinner for Schmucks and Barry has arrived early, Playing along as a penance to Tim, But the Competition is high, including A Bipolar Ventiliquist, a Vulture-Wrangler, a Competitive beard-grower, A Pet Psychic and A Cameo by Chris O'Dowd as a Blind French Fencer (He was not Blind by Birth but by Stupidity, so in the same logic of this film you can ridicule the self-inflicted!)

So Dinner is served, And Each Contestant Has a Chance to Embarrass Themselves For Fender and Mueller's Amusement. Because Barry is aware, and wants to make up to Tim so he can have the promotion, acts extra pathetic, Though It's tough when the Pet Psychic is served a Lobster and starts "channeling the lobster's spirit" Screaming like she's being boiled in water! Barry shows off a display of Dioramasa, which basically the Youtube video "Whole History of the world, I Guess"...In Mouse form...Until he says Francis Bacon invented Bacon....Though what do i expect when a woman Pantomiming being boiled in a pot is a tough act to follow?

10 Dioramas Later and Barry has revealed his last, a wedding of Mouse Julie and Mouse Tim getting Married, It looks like Tim will win...Until Mr Filch, reveals Thurman, who uses his "MIND-CONTROL" on Barry to make him reveal Dirty secrets about him! Tim is disgusted and in the backroom tells Barry what's up, But Barry knows, and he wants Tim to get this Promotion because he ruined it with Him and Julie! So Barry is Smarter than Tim gives credit for and he wants Barry to win, FOR BARRY, Sadly Superstition cannot be cured, so Barry is still pliable enough for Tim to tell Barry he has, and i quote  "Brain-Control, which is more powerful than Mind-control because the brain tells the mind what to do!" They then proceed to mime a gun fight with Mind Powers, until Thurman gets a taste of his Medicine when Barry blackmails him about his sex-life..which he only knows because Thurman always made Martha cheat on Barry in her house!

The Display of Stupidity Makes Barry the Winner...only for Tim to tell Fender to take his job and Shove it, Barry only did this so Tim will have the money to support his fiance, a fiance he may not have when he comes home! Mueller however thinks Barry is a Ringer and since Mueller is a Rich Idiot who squandered Millions on Garish Art, he accuses Fender of inviting him as his idiot. When the other Guests realizes what has happened. It sets off a change of Events that starts with the Blind fencer chopping off Muellers Finger and it eaten by the Vulture, and ends with Fender's Mansion set on fire!

When Tim and Barry return to the flat, it seems Julie has not. Tim spills his guts about how much she loves her and It's a good scene except ,they already did the "(S)He's Behind me, Isn't (S)he?" trope already and unless it's a running joke, which it isn't! you should never use a trope twice!

And so our film ends with Mouse-Corpse Diaramas telling us what happened Next. Tim and Barry remained friends as do the other Schmucks, Barry and Kirin collabed on works and toured worldwide. Tim and Mueller opened a Modern Art Museum (With Barry sculpting a statue of Martin's severed Finger!) Barry and Darla hooking up, Thurman locked up in an Insane Asylum . And Tim and Julie got Married. Barry tried to surprise them in Paris, only for Her to "Curate Tim....MANY TIMES!"

THIS FILM IS DIVISIVE TO SAY THE LEAST,

There is a heart in this film, but you really need to dig deep to find it! Tim is an asshole, Barry is a mixture of Mid-Life Crisis, Supernational Believer and tone-deaf Autistic Stereotypes that Frankensteining all the tropes together means no-one can be offended, if all things are offended at once! This film doesn't work because the Idiot is not someone who is awe-inspiring, or tough in his adversity or Earnest. All his misfortunes is Barry's own doing! Even his attempts to help fail because he doesn't know, or in the worse case, refuses to listen to, WHY! this went wrong! It gets better during the end, but you have to endure 40 minutes of very bad, cringeworthy questionable humour. Only watch if your salt intake isn't at Dead Sea Levels!

AND NOW TO THE LAST CHAPTER OF SABOTAGE BY SLEEP.

Led to a Romanesque Amphitheater, on a wide Plinth looking like a stage, Eamonn was recharging his power-glove and sealing away  the power of the Devil Dvd. However this was different he was not floating in the air, in a state of sleep, his eyelids twitching in rapid R.E.M.s

"Ah....a Piece of your Power masquerading as Human Knowledge. You are are indeed still a creature of Habit, Beelzebub!" Sabaru Joking said as she slid on her arm seductively and possessively down the floating man's arm, ending with her Nailed Hand clasping his like a vice. "My Signee has told me so!"

-Yeah about that, "Signees!" what is that all about?

(Sabaru closes her eyes, and Bowed her head. Her Smiling Red Lips went to a neutral expression for the first time!)

you Remember the War?

-Wot War?

-The Cognitive war Between Beings who called themselves "Gods", The Cosmic Entities and those that were labelled "Demons", Beezlebub, Minor Entities that control the flow of time, And my race the Mara, Our Race were Vile, Feasting and growing fat of the Fear of a New Species that just Feel out of the tree and started Walking, Humans. The Battlefield was their minds and the Prize their worship. Bit in a twist it was Humans that fought back. The Human Dante was tasked by Beelzebub here to create a narrative of a then non-existent hell, only for the wily Scribe to write it as a Prison, and if something is believed, it becomes so. Without a Leader, Minor Entities, like The Reaper, The Elephant in the Room, those involved in the seasons turned on Demon and out-matched, The Cosmic Entities gave up their Godly status and Physical Forms and used the power to seals us in the Hammerspace, a world between reality and dreams, Scrounging up an existence, feeding on Nightmares of the sleeping, fighting over who can eat it like starving Dogs! All because of the Entities, and their Pride and their Games.

-SOCCER!

-WHAT!

I GETZ IT! 

To be fair, i'm not as clevererererer as Ye, Da Divil or any Townie, but I knowz Soccer! Ye are as Powerful as them Enter-Teas who play wif da souls ov men like Da Gawds ov Grease! like Prawns on a Cheeseboard!

But you are knot making Eamonn a Prawn, you are making Eamonn a Player.

You are makin' your own League! Your own Game Ov Souls!

-My...My....These Humans....they are more Clever than what you give credit for!

(Stirring to awake, Eamonn descended gently onto the plinth, propping himself to  a sitting position. He was helped up to his feet by Sabaru, as They turned the pull into an embrace)

So, What did you talk about while i was out. Hopefully about me not returning to Earth 1.

-WHAT

-WOT?

"Oh I Forgot!" The blonde said with feigned Ignorance. "But now time like the Present..." She continued, her tone becoming more bitter as she spoke!

Eamonn is under Contract to serve the Galactic G-men as a whole! We do not deal in Sector, we are dispatched when needed. And Granted Eamonn is powerful, He had Training and access to the tools needed at that time, Such as it were. The Track Record speaks for itself! Defeating Beelzebub, The Master Control, The Leader, Edwin Tantalus....And Yet 7 Billion Terrans on Earth. And none GIVE HIM THE RESPECT HE IS DUE!

-BUT IT CAN'T BE THE ONLY REASON!

Sabaru laughed. Her frightening face, softened once more

"You are Right, Beelzebub!"

Daddy! Mama!

(A Young girl, ran from a servant and climbed awkardedly like a toddler her Age, she Raised her Arms above the head toward Eamonn, Squeezing her little palms over and over as she cried for Attention.)

Hiya, Baby! Have you being A Good Girl?

OH HOLY GAWD! SHE CALLED DADA? YOU DIDN'T?

....AND WITH A MARA? EAMONN YOU DIDN'T....

(SatanicOstrich Used his power to detect Sins. He could feel Eamonn. Joe-Jack and Sabaru with the weight of their Souls were practically Burning. but he Focus on the Baby...)

(IMPOSSIBLE!)

Joe-Jack we have to Leave!

-Huh? Why?

-Sabaru is right! Eamonn cannot return to Earth unless he wants to. Besides. I think the Humans are in Danger if we don't go back!

(With Tears and Regrets. Our Heroes Board the Train to Hell as it flew from the skies of Harmonis back to Earth's Galaxy. Sabaru looked on with a smug look on her Face. Her League to make the Greatest Team of Heroes will Succeed.

EVEN IF IT MEANT MAKING SURE OTHERS DIED FAILING!

THE END!

CREDITS

I Love You Man and Dinner for Schmucks were Reviewed, Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli)

WITH MEDIA FROM

I Love you, Man.

Derry Girls

Dinner For Schmucks.

Both films are property of Paramount. All Rights Reserved. All media used in all four parts belong to their respective Owners!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE.

THE NEW STORYLINE-A GAME OF 2 HALVES AND NO QUARTER-BEGINS WITH MEN IN BLACK INTERNATIONAL!

2 TICKETS TO HELL: THE MACHINATION OF THE MARA: PART 1 OF PART 2: Dinner for Schmucks, PART 1

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...

The Search for Answers continues off the planet as Our 2 anti-heroes followed Eamonn's Ship to Planet Harmonis, a tropical paradise that is inhabited by Anthros. A planet were Eamonn and his Manager/Lover makes Home. This "Woman" Sabaru, seemingly knows SatanicOstrich.

"You are...NO! ARE YOU? I TOUGHT YOU WERE..."

"DEAD? MY SPECIES IS! I AM CALLED SABARU OF THE MARA, THE LAST OF MY KIND

"WOT'S A MARA WEN ITS AT HOME"

"A Demon. and a dangerous one at that! You heard of "Nightmares"? That's a Mara, all the time! A Parasite that lives off the subconscious and conscious mind of high level creatures."

Why Beelzebub, look at you with you Specist Reasoning? I Heard from my Signees from Earth How Eamonn Saved Hell with your Help! Look at you, You big Softie, Saving the mortals

If you save a mortal, it would be as a midnight snack!

Yes. and what Good did Living off Humans do? We lost the Cognitive War to the Cosmic Entities and they sealed us in the Hammerspace, Only for the strongest, the Last of her Kind to be free. And for what why feed on dreams. when i can make them?

Wot do you Mean?

I'll show you! Eamonn can create great power from his reviews, does he not?

what are you driving at?

come to the amphitheatre, it's time!

(AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!)

 Ladies and Gentlemen, the plot to the whole film, in one picture!

But this is a finale so have to dig deeper and OOH BOY! The Opening scene sees a man's hands Creating a Diorama of a Romantic Date....Out of Stuffed Dead Mice!

Leave this to one side for a moment, As we cut to a Generic Business Agency and a man being fired. Tim Conrad (Paul Rudd)  and his co-workers wonder who will get Kavanaugh's Office. At meeting with the CEO of Fender Financial, Pitches his Idea: A Recently Acquired  storage Bin of Dud Cold war Era Bombs...and the Lamps that can he made from them! The lamps are Trash but a Swiss Rich Idiot who collects Kitsch Art is interested. They Will sell the lamps at a loss, but hope to Gain Martin Muellers Portfolio. It seems like it has tanked But Fender is impressed so he invites him to  Dinner on Saturday....But it's a special Dinner, To gain Favour, The Invited Worker Must bring an Idiot for Ridicule. If their "Guest" Wins, It's a shoe in for promotion and a raise. But there is a catch, to in fact 2, 1) It's a secret and 2) It cant be just a Bum or Prostitute, It has to be someone who has put work into Stupidity!

Tim Needs this Promotion, He wants to Marry his Fiance, who is a Curator. While she makes a lot of money, Tim's Work at a Stockbroker is a stable job. We meet The Artist that Julie is Curating. Kirin (Jermaine Clement) Who looks like Russel Brand, Is an Artist who Paints Horrific Self Portraits Out of Animal Dung and Blood. 

And it's not outsourced as he brags about having a ranch were he recently Birthed one of his Zebras and used the placenta to paint his latest piece of pretension, a self portrait with the foal with him as Jesus!

After the Unveiling, Tim and Julie have Dinner at a restaurant and Tim Tells his fiancee about the "Dinner for Winners", She Disgusted and tells him off for even thinking about it! And Tim wasn't going to until the next day he runs over Steve Carrell.

Barry Speck (Carrell), The Pair of Hands That were Making Dioramas Out of Dead Mice, was Ran over while he was Salvaging Another Mouse Corpse. He Proceeds to Haggle money for HIM TO GIVE Tim for Being Hit by his car. Before Showing him his latest Diorama of the Last Supper-made with Mice, Gifting the Stockbroker with Mouse Jesus. 

Finding Barry after being in two minds about the Dinner, Tim takes it as a sign, calling Barry "A chicken that plucked itself to be Eaten", Only to be interrupted by Mr Fender and Martin Mueller (David Walliams, who looks NOTHING Like the actor they used for the Photos Used in Scene 2!) Despite being only an Analyst, Tim's knowledge of Modern Art ( thanks in no small Part to being in a relationship with a curator!) Gets in Mueller's good books. Fender also tells his right-hand man, Filch, who is also contending for the office, that using employees with stable relationships over dinner with clients and wives in a great move, since Men always consult their wife on decisions!

Meeting Julie at home, She finds Mouse Jesus in Tim's Pocket, When he explains who he is, she's angry that he's going along with this! He says he wont ever see Barry again as they argue in the lift....only for Barry to Arrive!

Mistaking Tim for being stuck in a elevator he pulls him out, injuring his Back. Barry is here because he got his dates wrong, and because he was invited for "Dinner" he wont leave til he's fed! Barry Attempt of First Aid ("A Human's Spine is no Different than a Mouse's!) only makes things worse! Tim Tries to ring Julie only for her to leave her Phone at home (PLOT POINT!) Actually it can get worse, as Tim is gifted a mouse version of himself!

When Tim crawls for a back Brace, Barry Hears an Email message chine and answers it. It's a hooker called Darla that has being stalking Tim for 3 years and Barry who's.... Special, Answer it prints out a picture of Darla's ass cheeks and sets up the Side-Plot shenanigans, Ending with Barry giving Darla  his address. Tim tells Barry to leave, but Barry tells him he'll "make it up to him"

It get's worse as This involves Using the picture of  Darla's ass cheeks to Recognize wrongly Julie. Julie puts 2 and 2 together and tries to warn Barry about the Dinner, he calls her Darla. Barry's limited vocab and lack of Context  and Lack of Semantics with what he told, makes put Tim is a cheater and causes Julie to run out! He also thinks Julie has being Cheating on him with Kirin, (I BET THAT'S NOT ALL SHE'S CURATED!" ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE!) As stupid as Barry is, he's smart enough to use contacts to open Kirin's Number and Accuse Kirin on Barry's behalf...Only to hear what sounds like Julie's Laugh in the Background! It Seemed Dumbass has a Point and Tim has Barry rent free in his head about her cheating! Tim is no shape to drive so He has to teach Barry on the Spot, because it would be insensitive to him to say he is "An Excellent Driver!"

Barry Breaks Into Kirin Apartment, After throwing Tim's carkeys at the window to get his attention. Kirin's cat is attracted to the Mouse corpse in Barry's Pocket. Revealing Himself to a Half -Naked Kirin, Tim follows the two to Reveal Kirin's Secret-He is a Furry! But with Kirin pretending to be a film-maker, Kirin Reveals one other thing, He always sleeps with female co-workers, he even calls it a name -"THE ARTISTIC PROCESS!"

They return to the flat, Barry see's Julie picture and calls her Darla, only for the Penny to drop for Tim. that's when Darla in all her Hysterical Inglory, Arrives just as Julie calls him, so she puts his phone down her tights and locks Tim in a storeroom. She tries to have roleplay with Barry who has a thin grasp at reality already! Not having any sex makes Drives Darla to Domicile Destruction (I LOVE ALLITERATION!) And Tim breaks out to find his flat destroyed! He finds Julie's phone that she left. There is a voice message from Kirin asking her to go to his ranch to "Put the Horse in The Stable!" Knowing what they now know, Barry thinks it's code for dong "YOU-KNOW-WHAT!" (At first he thought it was about Heroin!) But now learning Kirin cant keep it in his trousers! He wants to stop him from stealing his woman!

WILL TIM GET JULIE BACK? WILL BARRY CONTINUE TO BE A NUISANCE? AND AS FOR OUR HEROES CAN THEY TRULY TRUST SABARU? AND WHAT DID SEE MEAN BY SIGNEES?

THE ANSWERS WILL SHOCK YOU NEXT TIME ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

2 TICKETS TO HELL: THE MACHINATIONS OF THE MARA PART 2 OF PART 1: I LOVE YOU MAN, PART 2

 (PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE....

The world has being saved by Eamonn...But something is off! Despite Being convinced that he has travelled in time by one year to save Earth, SatanicOstrich used his Powers to sense evil, to learn that Eamonn is being lied to. He Convinces Joe-Jack and it that's not the case and to travel with him to the Planet Harmoris to meet his new Benefactor and Lover!

MEANWHILE IN OUR REVIEW, Paul Rudd is Peter, a man with little male friends who is convinced to audition men to be his best man, leading him to Sydney Fife (Jason Segall) a goofy dude with a strange world view! )

(Storyline continues after the review)

By his house...We meanz Sydney's, A rundown Surfer's Shack With Quirky Ebay buys, Musical Intrstuments, Comikal Bukes and Dat Ole Chestnut, A drum kit! Howeva, it's a Very odd table that getz Ant-Man's Attention

IT'S A TABLE OF MASTURBATION AIDS! 

.............

Let's Just Skip to the Next Day, Where Lou Ferringo (As Himself!) Calls Peter's Office, when Sydney arrives, Despite saying he has friends coming over. He acts the Maggot (Namely Pretending to be the Hulk!) and convinces Peter to have a Jam Session, Leading to a Montage of more Man-Dates, More Bodybuilders stepping in dog-shite and more scams to sell The Penthouse!

Turns out Sid woz knot lyin' abou havin otha friendz, dey just can't hang out coz they have Familys now! So dis leaves Ant-man with a 6 foot sammich! Hey. Gud ting he didn't use his powahs, coz if he shrank he'd Nevah finish it!

For...the LAST TIME HE'S NOT ANT-MAN IN THIS FILM! So It Turns out, Zoe doesn't know Much about her future husbands interests. Zoe hasn't met Sid, but will at the Engagement Party her parents are throwing. That is if Sid agrees!

The Party is thrown at a Chinese Restaurant. While dere, Dey plan to Fob Mouthy Girl ov on Sydney, Bad Marriage Barbara and Barry are dere too. It's a recipe for Disaster !

And it is turns out to be Sydney's speech, where he insulates A Private conversation that Peter and him has about Zoe not giving head, To the Mortification of everyone!

At first she's Angry, But Peter takes his side, Saying it's no different from the Gurls Nioght when She Bragged about da size ov HIS!

Peter Sees a Strange Woman Leave the Surf Shack. Sid says he's sorry about what did and Says Hayley (the Mouthy Girl) likes him so they have arranged a Foursome.....

.....Of Golf!

Hayley cant Golf t'save her life and Whacks Sydney in da Kneecaps. She also takes everyone else's time and it cause an Argument that ends with Peter walkin' home, carryin' ev'yting in silence. When they Arrive home. Sid calls Peter with News-Rush is playing a small, one night only concert in a bar and he wants to Invite Peter, But he has Plans So Peter convinces her becoz next Scene...

Peter, Zoe, and Sydney are watching the Rush Concert and having fun, But Zoe thinks Peter and Sydney are having fun without her.

So da Next Day, Da boyz go suit shopping. Whilst Getting Changed Peter tells Sydney he plans to sharin' Commission wif Tevin. Sid Hands Peter some non black tux, sayin' his problem is he's trying to portray himsel as Mr Super Cereal, But he's not! If he cuts loose and be as forward As Tevin he'd be able to sell the Ferringo House!

...AND THIS IS WHEN THE RED FLAGS PILE UP! When Sydney asks " Spare Change Bro?" Namely 8 STACKS! THE FUCKER IS GETTING MARRIED! things are not helped when the gay guy from the Man-date exposes the whole scheme....except he calls Peter a Whore!

So After explaining Sydney agrees to be best man, after all, he's got his 8 grand from his new best friend!....Only to See Tevin having lunch with Lou Ferringo (As Himself!) and Discussin' Sellin' 'is house behind His Back, So Sydney has the "Great Idea" to Punch Da Man who despite being middle Aged, is Still Built like a Brick Shithouse!

Sydney has Driven a Wedge Between Peter and Zoe , About the 8k that he lend A man he just met a month ago! Also Sydney has Poisoned his mind by asking WHY is Peter marrying Zoe and didn't get an answer!

It Gets Worse for Peter when he drives to work, he finds out what Sydney wanted da 8 grand Fer! Comedy Photoshopped Billboards for his Realty.

So this is the Straw that broke the camel's Back! And Peter is Sick of it! The Hypocritical rules, the stupid Classman Behaviour, The fact that the marraige maybe over because of a Stranger he met a month ago. He's not going to lose the future with the woman he loves for a man stuck in the past!

So Sydney is off da Weddin' and iz currently takin' down da signs. Peter iz back wif Zoe when he realizes why he luvs her!

So the Plans fer next weeks wedding reaches fever pitch, Meanwhile Sydney's world view is turned upside down when he realizes what a jerk he's being. When Peter arrives at work, he's flooded with calls from people who saw the signs. Even Lou Ferringo resigns Peter after he got 100s offers from buyers! Embolded, He Smacks Tevin, and tells him to fuck away from his Listings!

It's the day of the weddin' An fer his groomsmen, he picks Dad, Robbie, the old Catfisher, the squeaky -voiced-guy, Lou and The Gay! But Zoe sees Her Fiance Upset, So He calls Sydney to arrive as a guest...Only for the audience to see he was driving to crash the wedding anyway!

SO LETS PUT THE BABY IN THE OVEN!

Last minute Peter makes Robbie the best, man only for Sydney to arrive. He's crashing the wedding to return the 8 Kilos back. We get a title drop and the Wedding vows, But not before We a Flyover for the wedding, paid by Sydney because we see a final photoshopped billboard...one that references the running joke that all of Peters Impressions sound like a leprechaun. During the Credits we see Sydney and Peter cover Rush, Sid forgiven by Zoe, Hayley gets So Drunk squeaky voice man gets hit on! and the Bad Marriage Couple are having a baby (BECAUSE THAT WILL MAKE THINGS BETTER!)

THIS FILM IS ALRITE!

Letz be honest, It's a fillum Ant-man were doin' before he became Antman and will do, when dere is no more Avengah filliums! The Actin', story, and plot were middlin' nothin' to complain, but notin to praise!

(TICKET TO HELL-THE ROAD TO HARMONIS!)

Exiting Warp Drive. The express train to Hell found Harmonis, a small blue and green planet, much like Earth, But with smaller icecaps. So the planet was mostly a tropical Paradise. The train landed in a Romanesque Forum, Filled with Marble Columns, Statues and Urns! The People of this world, named after this planet, were Anthromorphs of Animals. Cats, Deers, Pigs and few Monkeys, Birds all dressed in Roman Clothes of very classes and Castes!

JAYSUS! DIS PLACE! IS DIS PARADISE?

IN THIS UNIVERSE? I WOULD HAVE KNOWN IT EXISTED, IN FACT I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS UNINHABITABLE!

It was...came a Mellifluous female voice, They turned to see a tall blonde woman in a white dress and open toed Sandals, a Belt styled like Ouroboros around her thin waist. her hair was long and dreaded and was practically sweeping the ground behind her! Despite this Alluring appearance, SatanicOstrich sensed her powers and was now caught in a cascade of shock and fear of this woman

MY, MY MY! IF IT ISN'T MY OLD PAL BEELZEBUB! IT'S BEING TOO LONG!

Who is Sabaru really, for Satan to be afraid of? This question will answered In the 2 parts of Dinner for Schmucks, Next when 2 TICKETS TO HELL CONCLUDES!

ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

2 TICKETS TO HELL: MACHINATIONS OF THE MARA: PART 1 OF PART 1: Joe-Jack and SatanicOstrich review I love you, Man! Part 1

(JOE-JACK'S LINES IN BLUE!)

(SATANICOSTRICH'S LINES IN RED!)

(JOE-JACK SPEAKS WITH AN ACCENT, SO AS ARTISTIC LICENCE, ALL SPELLING MISTAKES ARE INTENTIONAL.

Without an explanation to where he was, why he thought he was Missing for a year, or who or what was Sabaru, Eamonn pressed his Police-like Badge over his Heart and was teleported. Expecting the others to follow him..except Eamonn still has destroyed the Express Train to Hell.

YA! JUS' TELEMAPORT AWAY, YA BOLLIX!

OH THAT'S FINE(!) WE DIDN'T NEED A LIFT TO A DIFFERENT PLANET(!) WE HAVE ARE OUR INTERDIMENSIONAL VEHICLE THAT WASN'T DESTROYED BY A METEORI....OH WAIT(!) (Sigh!) Well looks like looks like i have to make another one!

An' 'ow long iz dat gonna tak'?

With all the negativity from the Rona? (Ostrich bathed itself in Flames! He then expunged all the energy From his beak as molten Metal. Using his fingers like a Grand Maestro, he moulded the smelting heap into a new Express Train to Hell.

.....Yeah, 5 MINUTES, NOT MY PERSONAL BEST!

-Weight, y'mean ya coulda made a new one, all da tiome?

-Of course!

-DEN WHY DIDYA MAK' A BIG DEAL ABOU' EAMONN DESTROYIN' IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?

-UH, I'M THE DEVIL OF YOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE! MAKING SURE MORTALS ARE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE SHIT SHOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR? THATS WHAT I DO!

The only thing I Need now is a power source, A Devil's DVD! Luckily we have one to review right here!

(AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!)

 So Da Fillum Startz wif Ant-Man Drivin' his Girlfriend to Land in the middle ov da noight!

2 Yuppies Leave A Sportscar In the Dead of night, In A Vacant Lot, In A Los Angeles Project-WITHOUT KEVLAR?

So Ant-Man Propose to Dis Gurl called Zoe, who calls her Friendz, a mouthy girl and a Bad Marriage Bird!

THESE ARE YOUR COMIC RELIEF! You'll get more Relief Wiping your Ass with Sandpaper and it would Hurt Less, Too!

So Zoe Meets Da Parents, Ma Was a Estate Agent like wot  Ant-man iz now iz! And Da was a YOU-PEE-ASS Man So da family Moved a lot Meanin' Ant-Man didn't make much friendz

Oh and fresh off Sandler Killing his Film career before it started, Andy Samberg plays Robbie, Peter's Gay Brother and that's all the Character Development He'll get! He's Peter's Brother, and HE GAY! THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!

Aftah Da tells us that 12 yar old Peter had Pubes like a Brillo Pad, Da & Robbie exclaim Him focusing on Girls earlier meant Boys got Jealous and never became friends. So Peter has no choices for Best Man.

It Doesn't Help that at Work Most of his Colleagues at the Realtor are Women and the only Male, named Tevin, is a Sexual Harassment Lawsuit waiting to happen!

We 'ave a funny moment where at Fencin' Club, we Show that Every Sport has Jocks, Even Though you can't sound Hard pronouncin' French Words. Turns out one of the Fencah's is also getting Married to they will too busy with dere Weddin' plans!

So Peter Sneaks Back During Ladies Night to Prepare Root Beer Floats and overhears them talk about being a sissy Because he doesnt have Male friends that strike a Medium between Tevin and the Fencers

Ant-Man Gets Help From Gay Brother. who is a Personal Trainer, Who pick up Straight men who might be, y'know....A BIT DIDDLEY!

We have a Montage of Peter's Family and Friends finding Male friends for Peter to make, Including a Riot at a soccer game made a squeaky voiced man. A Dinner with a Gay Man who kisses Peter and Peter being Catfished by an Old Dude! And it ends with Peter Puking over Bad Marriage Barry after he is challenged to a Speed Drinking Game!

So Finally Zoe is tol' dat Ant-man has being tryin to make Male friends aftah eavesdroppin' da Gurls Nioght!

The Next Day at work, Peter is selling Lou Ferringo's Penthouse when he Sees A Man, (Jason Segel!) eating the Barbeque he set out.

Seagull is a Dude-Bro, Everything Ant-Man Aint! Sydney Fife and Antman exchange Numbahs! Now he's acting like a woman expectin' him to call!

Swinging by Zoe's Seamstress Company, Peter learns that Mouthy Girl and Bad marriage Girl know about the Man-dates when Peter gets a call back from Sydney!

So Sydney Comes off a Mixture of Drinking Buddy, Clown and Pub Trivia buff and Him And Ant-Man become friends! Ant-man can't do impressions, in a runnin' joke that everyone thinks he sounds like a Leprechaun!

Tevin Raids Peter's Cubicle about Not selling Lou Ferringo's home. He Brags about having an Aggressive Ad Campaign, Including his face on Urinal Cakes! 

("When I Client comes to me, they are like "Do I Know You" DAHM STRAIGHT! YOU PISSED ON MY FACE!") Kinky, aren't we?

So Ant-Man Meats Sydney While Walkin' his Dog. He winges abou' Tevin, but he's tole knot to tak' prisionahs. Sydney loses it when a Bodybuilder threatens him aftah stepping in dog-shite! It's here Ant-man Realizes Sid may be a few cardz short of a picnic!

Sydney Reasons that letting out feelings of Aggression is cathartic, So he Asks Peter to follow him under the boardwalk so they can scream without being caught!....OH I THINK I'VE SEEN THIS PIECE OF "ART" BEFORE! And just like an OFFBRAND film, they go straight to the closest house!

(END OF PART 1 OF PART 1...

COME BACK NEXT WEEK ON TUESDAY THE 5TH FOR THE SECOND HALF AND THE ARRIVIAL ON HARMORIS...SEEMINGLY AN EDEN IN SPACE...WITH A DARK SECRET BEING HARBOURED!

ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

EAMONN REVIEWS LAY THE FAVOURITE

 (PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...)

(Earth was Seconds away from being destroyed by the Meteor...Until a Space-ship belonging to garrison of Galactic G-MEN Arrived to literal fanfare, like a sporting event. Eamonn Had returned Earth to save the day, with new powers and upgrades provided by his lover/benefactor, the Etheral and mysterious Sabaru Of  the Mara. He returned to finished what he started, but he's convinced he being put back in time by a year to save Humanity!

Iz Dat....Really youse? Joe-Jack Started

"It is....and it's starting to rain....." Eamonn started to cry and laugh, a wave of emotion overwhelming him "It really is Earth....I'm back.....i saved it!"

He hugged Joe-Jack, despite Protest, and Mammie, but stopped in his tracks when He saw Ostrich

"YOU FUCKED UP MY TRAIN, YOU PUTA! YOU MANGLED MY BABY! WAIT A TICK...." Ostrich took a long stare at Eamonn, He Could something that Only the Lord of the Damned could see, a dark Aura, something he hadn't felt for centuries.

"HOW THE MY HOUSE IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? YOU'VE BEING GONE A MONTH AND SOMEHOW YOU MEET THE ONE THING YOU SHOULDN...

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN A MONTH? I'VE BEING GONE A WHOLE YEAR! I ONLY CAME BACK TO SAVE THE PLANET WHEN I HAD THE POWER TO DO SO?

-"EAMONN, HONEY, I KNOW THESE THINGS, AND I TELL WHEN A SOUL IS FULL OF SIN, OR IN YOUR CASE BEING LIES TO, SO EITHER, TIME TRAVEL IS A THING IN A YEAR...OR IT'S THE FORMER!

OK I KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO SETTLE THIS. Come and meet my wife! She's the one who upgraded my gear. The Ship is designated to make a round trip back to Harmonus, Anyway!

AND NOW TO OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION!)

Today's film, a piece of Lifetime Movie Fluff with three former major Movie stars! And that's all it has going for it!

I have seen my far share of Terrible Covers In my Day, but this is Just Bad, Not Offensively, But Aesthetically. It's Just Headshots! No Action, No Plot, Even the Fanservice Shot of A pool Scene, Provides no sizzle. If you saw this in a DVD shop, with 100s of other covers vying for your Attention, would you pick it up first thing?

We open with Rebecca Hall Who Plays Beth, a Stripper, Who has a polarizing day at work, First a Handstand Contest in Underwear where she is paid and gets a drink too, to then having a gun pulled on her!

The Next Morning, She meets her father and they discuss their shared Money Troubles, Though she lies by saying she is JUST a vet, Her Dream is to ditch it to be a cocktail waitress in Vegas, to which her father Supports, Maybe he's in Earnest About his daughter throwing it all away to be leered at by Horny Drunks, Maybe he's being Sarcastic, I can't tell because the Acting so far has being terrible!

Leaving Florida for the Bright Lights of Vegas, She Realizes how ill-prepared she is, finding only a motel to stay and trying to win big money on the coin-pushers. She can't find work being the Waitresses are Unionized.

She meets 2 strippers and as they sunbathe topless, One of them, Hollywood, (Laura Prepon) Tells Beth there is only 3 lawful ways for a women to get buy, Strip, Marry or Leave! But she thinks "Dink" can Help. This is the best acting so far, i'm a big 70's show fan, But Laura is doing a stupid accent with her tits out!

Frank Dink is a bookie, though it's Illegal in Vegas, gives Rubes like Beth Drive out of town to make bets on his behalf, with a cut for that person. Despite not knowing how to gamble, or anything about sports, Law, Probability, Stringing Sentences, Beth is hired, along side Regular Staff Bobby and Scotty. In Reno, Dink tells Beth that Learning how odds change by watching events in real time is how he is so successful! Beth is Written as some kind of Idiot Savant, she's Good with Numbers but better with Letters, able to sort letters of words alphabetically in her head without mistakes, THIS NEVER COMES UP SO I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS MENTIONED!

(This is a trope called Chekov's Gun. If you write something in the world building and first chapters of a book, the reader expects what you are writing about to make a part in the story. Anton Chekov, a Writer and Professor, once said if you are writing a murder mystery and tell your readers in chapter one, a pair of dueling Pistols are framed over the mantelpiece, they expect that one of the pistols will be used as a murder weapon, otherwise, why bring it up? Same with Lay the favourite, why bring this skill to arrange letters, IF IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, DOES NOT MATTER?)

Dink tells Beth his tragic Story of being caught by the police and kidnapped by gangsters with is met by Bimbo-ish Giggles by Beth. After Work, Hollywood warns Beth not to get too close to Dink, as his wife, Tulip (Catherine Zeta-Jones) is the possessive type.

Dink brings Beth to the one place, she can learn about Gambling: A Half-way House for the G.A! There they encounter Rosie (Vince Vaughan), a hot shot Bookie from New York, who has dodged the law better than Dink ever could and it sticks in his craw how successful he is, given how stricter the penalty of Book-keeping is the Empire State!

Tulip returns from her trip abroad and is shocked when she meets Beth, Not only is she Young, she's a young double of her (Seriously, look at the cover, Rebecca hall could pass as CZJ's Daughter!) Despite Every side Character Warning Beth not to get close to Fink, She ACTIVELY Flirts with her Boss, Not helped that Dink see's His Wife as a curse, as the fortunes of the match, change from Bad to good as soon as Tulip leaves!

Not helped by that Dink hangs with Beth After hours and Tulip is that selfish a bitch!

Dink Returns home to see Tulip, Drunk and Emotional. The next day, Dink hands Beth a Brown Envelope full of Money: It's her Severance Pay, He has to fire her.

So this is how it's being Drawn from minute One....

A Slut Gives up her High-Paying Vet Job and being a Stripper for her dream of being lust over as a barmaid without the STDS, Is hired by a Con-man and Despite Being told by Everyone, not to break the Break The One Rule, Not only does she break the One Rule, She ACTIVELY, TO SERVE HER OWN END! Breaks the One Rule.

Oh, but now we have the next scene of her lying on a bed listening to sad songs, that we a supposed to Fell Sorry for her!

But Five minutes later,

She Pounces on the first Rube she finds on the coin pushers.

At Dink's, Firing Beth means all the bets she was ordered to make, haven't (Despite the fact Dink has TWO OTHER EMPLOYEES! Sure Beth's firing was Sudden, but what is stopping Bobby and Scotty from doing it, as well as there assignments?) Reluctantly, Dink gets Hollywood involved, but she disappears, betting against Dink's favourite and loses all the money. This forces Him to Fire Bobby and Scotty

Dink Asks Tulip for a loan, but on one condition, She wants Dink to pay for a Facelift! Beth, Scotty and Bobby are bought back!

Beth is bought to Dink's Mansion to sign a contract, She sees Tulip Bruised from the surgery. this time she warns Beth herself not to get close to her husband, but realizes she wouldn't be the Prize Pig she is without Dink's Money!

Beth Confronts Hollywood about being a scumbag, but Hollywood Says "NO, U!"

Dink is losing Badly and Fire's Beth, Bobby and Scotty "Again", But the 2 men Wave it off! But Beth asks what will happen if Dink is Broke for Real, the others say they'll just work for someone else, after all that's Gambling for you! For A slut, Beth has a Strange Sense of Loyalty! Begging for her job back and tempting Dink again, Makes him Dink put it clearly, with a Bag of Blu Chips. He wants her Gone, before he can cheat again! Beth Takes the Chips, cashes them and Arrives in New York where Jeremy (Joshua Jackson) lives.

Jeremy is a Journalist and while Staying with a Nice Grounded Person is a nice change of pace, As someone once sang, Love Doesn't Pay The Bills! Beth Says that Experience with Dink was the worst 6 months of her life and she doesn't want to think about Gambling. She's Off the horse. NO MORE GAMBLING. EVER. AGAIN!

.....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNND

TWO HOURS LATER!

At a Pickup game she hedges bets for the other players. Finding Rosenburgs Business Card, being a Bookie in New York is more of a risk than Vegas, But the Pay exceeds anything Dink would give Beth, plus she'll be working on the Caribbean Island Of Curaco! There is a Problem: Rosie is a FUCKING IDIOT! ("You Left Your Spreadsheets in Sizzler!" In Both Vegas and New York, Dink and Rosenburg win big on the GiGis. Joshua thinks the relationship is going too fast, Beth is no leaving for a different country, But Beth ask Joshua if he's so worried he can join her on her rounds. In Vegas, out to Dinner celebrating, Tulip tells Dink Not to worry about Beth Working with Rosenburg. But he cant shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen!

IT BETTER!

We are and hour in a 90 minute Drama and Nothing DRAMATIC has happened Yet!

Rosenburg's Curacao Office is a Trainwreck, His Bookies are Coke-Fiends and Doing Hookers, Jeremy is in New York and Beth hates everything about Rosenburg!

Greenburg (The Guy from the Basketball game, Has Gotten into Some Trouble With the Law and his phone seized, The cops are ringing every number on the phone including Beth's and Jeremy's (He gave Him his number in the scene where Jeremy joined Beth on her Rounds!) Jeremy tells her to act Dumb (NO PROBLEM!) when the Cops call her. Rosie is not Worried, but Jeremy's career could be fucked if he gets least a Felony Charge. On the end of her Rope, Beth has no Choice but to call Dink, The Dinks Agree to Help Jeremy (Beth involved with someone else, seems to be why Tulip would help her Husband's Paramour!), but only if Beth Returns to New York. Beth Walks out from Rosenburg Inc. which makes Rosie, freeze Beth's Account as extortionate measures to make her stay and get Greenburg's Money, into his pocket-Only for Jeremy to learn Greenburg is A FBI Patsy!

Dink's Plan is to make Beth bluff over the phone, that she is more Dangerous to Piss Off than the Feds, Appealing to Greenburg's Better nature, reveals he lied about the feds, the only way he can repay is to have his account re-opened so he can bet on New Jersey in tonight's game, Dink tells Beth to let him Go, Greenburg is Rosie's Problem, But Rosie has her Life Savings. If they can use the board to make New Jersey the favourite to win-Except it's new Jersey in Basketball, not NFL! (Apparently NJ is good in one, but shit in the other?)

A foul means New Jeresy has a fight chance in Penalties and it makes the Jets squeeze through and the Credits tells us what happened instead of SHOWING US what happened next, as the last think we see is an Everyone Dances Ending!-Rosie is broke, Dink and Tulip bought a hamster and Beth paid her way to college and wrote the Memoir that became this film,-YES, this was a true story which means unless it was creative license, the Stupidity really happened!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

The flow of time is off, the Dialogue is Laughable! (During the phonecall with Greenburg, Beth actually says "Look at me, Over the Phone!") Noone acts like a real person, Laura Prepon talks like an Alien, In that weird Accent, and Rebecca Hall's Beth is a Giggly Child in a Hot women's Body!

This is what Happens to action stars when they get too old to do fight scenes without slipping a disc.Films like this.

Tragic!

CREDITS

Lay the Favourite was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli on twitter)

With Media From:

Lay the Favourite

WWE RAW!

Lay the Favourite was Produced by Random House Pictures. All Rights Reserved. All Media used Belongs to their Respective Owners

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE....

THE SHOCKING CONCLUSION OF SABOTAGE BY SLEEP!

THAT WILL LEAVE THE UNIVERSE REELING!

IT'S THE MAY DOUBLE FEATURE EVENT!

"I LOVE YOU, MAN" AND "DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS"

IN 2 TICKETS TO HELL!....MACHINATIONS OF THE MARA!