Years ago, the Online Comedy Channel, CollegeHumor Made a Parody of Michael Bay's Transformers, by Releasing a spoof trailer of an Edgy Spy drama of a Teenage Dora the Explorer, They even hired Modern Family star Ariel Winter to star in it. The clip became popular, helped in no small part by an Actress from an Emmy winning show. It was funny because no way in Hell would Hollywood take a show for Preschoolers from 15 years ago and make it appealing for the now teenage audience.
.....AND THEY DID IT!!!!!
Let's Forget that this is attached to the world of a baby cartoon with the purpose of teaching Spanish and Hand and Eye Coordination to toddlers. Lets forget that Isabelle Moner, who was 17 is made to look as close to the 3 year old character as humanly possible. Let's forget about the GODAWFUL looking CGI animals. Let's talk about the extras who look like they have being just told what film they were hired for and the camera took their Photos at the time of their Disappointment setting in! Special attention going to the Baked-bean Shaped Headass TANNED WHITEBOY! Playing Dora's Cousin, Diego!
HOW DO I KNOW IT'S DIEGO?
 |
| Because they shoved the cheapest guy they can hire into a blue t-shirt and bomber jacket! |
We open with a fake Disclaimer from a Fox Defamation League. Then reveal a flashback of a young Dora and Diego having adventures with their animal friends, and talking and singing Backpack and Map....Except it is all their imagination...except Boots is Real and Diego's Jaguar is not (and Neither is Swiper...Until he is? More on that later!) Well at least, Child Diego is actually Latin!. Playtime is interrupted when Mama Explorer (Eva Longoria) tells Diego it's time to go home!
Dora's Parents are Archaeological and Ecological Researchers, who live off Grid in a Sustainable Cabin by the River. Dora's Verbal tic of asking the Audience can they say a random Spanish word is lampshaded by Papa (Michael Pena) By asking "Who are you talking to?" Thank god she doesn't do this all 90 minutes. I don't know How PhantomStrider made a career riffing this for years and me watching for 5 minutes makes me want to take a bath with Mr Toaster!
Diego is here having Dinner with his cousin's family (despite last scene being told to go home)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_hUZEuSGA4
....Spies an Ancient map to an Ancient Inca City called Para Pata (I'M LOVING IT!-WITH APOLOGIES TO BERLEZZY!)
Wait...Inca, not Aztec?
Does that mean Dora is Not Mexican, But Chilean the Whole time?
Is it gonna stop me from making Anti-Trump Jokes if the need arises?
HELL NO!!
A Sharing a room with her cousin (again great Continuity guys!) They get into an argument stemming from the fact Diego is leaving for America.
10 years later and Dora (Isabelle Moner) is an excitable Teenager with an Imagination gone wild. though we can't tell. Pygmy elephants is Peru? yeah right. a crocodile in the river? Possible. But the reason i say you can't tell, is that all the animals are CGI, And not even Convincing CGI. They look like cartoon characters! The Verbal tic is now explained as she is a vlogger, her video diary to find Para Pata herself. She even finds a cave on her own, covered in Inca Pictograms and a very deep chasm, which she nearly dies from when she fails a running Jump
Silly Dora
You didn't ask the audience count to 3 in Spanish first!
So it turns out in the cave Dora found, there was an Idol that Contains A map to Para Pata. Dora is excited to learn more. But her parents decide after today's fall to put her in an American High School! The Biggest Adventure of her life: Meeting people her own age. They even talk to their daughter about looking out for the biggest evil that hunts down Naive girls from the country. Not Drugs, Not Boys or gangs the evil that is....
ROCK AND ROLL! (TECHNICALLY EDM, BUT THIS STILL COUNTS!)
Landing in La (So they can save money on Location shots!), The Overly Friendly Girl soon meets her Dour Faced, Tanned Whiteboy posing as her Cousin! She is use to sleeping a hammock outside but can't since we are in Latino Suburb of Los Angles And she interrupted by Black Helicopters and Police Sirens.
So Diego's Childhood has being practically Drained by The American School System, and finds Dora cringey to be around. Which he responds to by pretending not to know her.
Like when the High School has a Security Check, and her Backpack Contains Pickaxes and Emergency Flares. Ok this Backpack was and is her only Luggage! How did she pass Customs in the first Place? This makes Dora the most Hated person in school, because everyone in line behind her is now late for class. Makes me Wonder why they didn't just tell their Parents to drive them early to school if they are security checks?
END OF PART 1!
A LIVE ACTION FILM ABOUT A BABY CARTOON WITH SOCIAL COMMENTARY? yep....
HOW MUCH MORE WILL EAMONN TAKE BEFORE HE HAS THAT BATH WITH HIS TOASTER? FIND OUT NEXT WEDNESDAY! THE 3RD OF AUGUST!
ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!
No comments:
Post a Comment