(PREVIOUSLY ON MEN IN BLACK 4....JUST WATCH MEN IN BLACK 1, ITS THE SAME FILM EXCEPT THE BLACK MAN IS NOW A BLACK WOMAN!)
H and M go to the Safehouse that Holds the Chess People. The Newly Christened "Pawny", played with Typical Annoying Fashion by Ken Jeung- Gives a sarcastic answer to why his race has being wiped out!)
Trust me, the character is so Annoying You wish M and H would finish the job! A pawn is useless without queen, so Pawny Histrionically Threatens to off himself. Meanwhile Everyone who just watched this films action grind to a halt because of this universe's answer to Jar-Jar Binks just want him to...
H had pickpocketed the Stone from M's Pocket and wants to know what it is, So does MIB, Who arrive with a blockade of 5 armoured cars and 20 agents. C is planning a coup and High-T is being scapegoated. However, High-T has warned M and H to escape. Whatever the jewel really is, Fungus was too afraid to trust MIB with it!
H draws away the traitors as M escapes with the stone, as the Dynand Return. H " Borrows" Hassar's Space Bike, as Hassar gives M a flask of water for the desert. Keep in mind Beard is nowhere to be seen, as the agents speed around uninterested Extras. Jumping over the agents they Hyperdrive into the Sahara desert, the rock reacting to sand as it reveals itself to be a shrunken Blue Dwarf Star in a crucible.
Blue Dwarf Stars are real. And really powerful. To put it into Context, the smallest Blue star In our universe, R136a1 has a solar radius of 26 Suns using our Sun as the unit of measurement.
No wonder fungus was scared. A power source lowballed at 26 Suns, it nothing to be sniffed at....so anyway, H and M shoots off a low setting blast powered by the Blue Star for funsies, and cause a trench where the Sahara use to be!
After the failed coup, High-T dismisses C. M tells H that Fungus gave her the blue Giant Star, Because H sensed that H had changed since Paris. M calls out H on his arrogance.
BUT NEVERMIND FINALLY REVEALING WHAT HAPPENED!
Beard, who was hiding in the flask, Steals the Blue Star and escapes on Jetpack, telling the agents that "She" will pay nicely when "She" arrives.
The She in Question, is of course the Aforementioned Riza, who is revealed to be a murderer, as well as an arm's dealer. H reveals that he was on the trail to arrest Riza But Something Changed. He fell in love, but M knows that, why did M team with H off the Bat?
BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO USE YOU AS A STEPPING STONE TO BE A TOP AGENT WITHOUT BEING ON PROBATION LONGER THAN SHE WANTED!
But no, turns out calling her Martha Jones to his Doctor Who was right. We have gone into the realms of Self-Insert Romance Fanfiction that we might as well call it Code Lyoko Evolution!
With the Bike fixed, The Agents hit Riza"s Fortress on Earth, Naples.
We Finally see Rebecca Ferguson's Riza and PPFFFFTTTT,!!!!!!!
THAT'S!? What we're building up to? Someone with Giraffe Neck who looks like a Cougar who dyed her hair to pick up Young Men at the Alt Club?. She is a gorgeous woman IRL, but this wig and Nightgown patterned dress, coupled with her long neck bones and crow's feet, makes her look like Mutton Dressed as Lamb! Couldn't they just have made her CGI?
As M climbs the cliffs of Naples, H sweet talks the despot as her Bodyguard, Luca who is a full grown Transulent, looks on. (PLOT POINT?) Riza doesn't fall for it but does confirm that she has the Blue Giant Star.
H dispatches the Human Guards, Deactivates the security system as M and Pawny infiltrate the island, as Riza tries to sell the star. Riza finds m and fights her, as H fights Luca. Riza's species has a third arm and M ties her up in a bookcase and gym Equipment, before knocking her out. H is not so lucky as The Transulent hands him his ass!, But I'm a twist everyone saw coming, the hulking beast is indeed the small teddy bear like creature M saved as a little girl.
Turns Out The Phrase Luca said before he left was a blood oath, and that's all it took for Luca to have a face turn. And Riza, the most Feared Arms Dealer in the Universe, to fold like a Kleenex!
Do You Know what Riza Really Needs?
An Island Fortress filled with Alien Weapons!
The Dynand Twins Attack the Agents, Who are Destroyed by High-T'S Electro-Gun. But Not before Saying they will protect their Planet. And so the Earth is saved, but something isn't right. The Dyands said they wanted the Blue Star to "save their planet", A Planet under Hive Control, then High-T arrives with a weapon specifically for killing Gaseous Beings. H checks the File for The Dyand species...only it's now erased by someone higher up! Even C has worked it out! M's Compass, yeah it had a tracking device, which is why High-T, who is no longer a field agent, just happened to be in Naples! And Now the Blue Giant Star is Missing and High T is going to Paris!
So Let's Wrap this up!
The Hive Invade Paris, And It's Revealed that the Invasion did not get Thwarted, In fact H had is memory wiped, Because he could never go into detail on how he defeated the Hive. Because High-T is Dead!
His Body Assimilated into the Hive as a sleeper Agent, Biding their time til the Blue Star was on Earth. With the Dynand planning to turn on them, the Hive had to Reveal themselves, But with the Bluestar powering the Portal, all worlds can be Assimilated at once. M is thrown into the portal and the vastness of space. Until Pawny rescues her with his jet pack and Grappling Hook. H gets through to High -T long enough for Molly to use the Blue Giant Star to blast the hive to Kingdom come!
And So M is made Full Agent in Mew York and H is made H is London. The Partnership is over-But at least they can have a Little Road Trip Solving Mysteries on the Downlow!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
Just like Ghostbusters 3, This is Nothing More than a mean-spirited Remake for the "Woke" Generation, Nothing as extreme as bringing back the original cast to tell the new cast how much they suck! Actually the Movie is like Power Rangers Megaforce and how that show was a failed Anniversary for that franchises 20 year anniversary: Buzzwords, catchphrases, scenes and Iconography of the Mib franchise, shoehorned in without explaining WHY! they are Iconic. Legacy Characters like Frank the Pug And the Coffee Worms get cameos and play no part in the Story. Even Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith are reduced to a 5 second Easter Egg. who had to pause your Dvd to see! Even Rip Torn's Z (RIP!) is not mentioned. As Mentioned constantly, the film is nothing more than the First film. Tessa Thompson is bland and one dimensional, Hemsworth chews scenery, Emma Thompson is wasted as just the exposistion character. And Riza looks like A granny in her frumpy dress and silver blue wig. The Mole storyline is good and Neeson keeps it afloat for a while But collapses by Every Grievance I mentioned. The production was Doomed from the start, because the Director and Producer argued on the content of the film, (It was pitched that the Dynand be 4 aliens that looked like the Beatles!) and it shows! Also i wish Pawny Died!
CREDITS
Men In Black 4 aka Men in Black International was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham
With Media From:
In Part 1
Men In Black 4
Spongebob SquarePants
Code Lyoko
Grand Theft Auto
Doctor Who
And Part 2
Men in Black
The Today Show
Men in Black 4 is Produced By Columbia-Tristar and Property of Sony. All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners!
NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!
The Storyline Continues In August with the reviewer of Dora the Explorer: Live action Movie! But July contains Bastille Day, and you know what that means! More reviews of Code Lyoko as we edge closer to the Season 4 finale!
AND NOW THE FIRST CHAPTER OF A GAME OF TWO HALVES AND NO QUARTER
Chapter 1: The Gorgon!
On a Desert Planet, Sabaru's Camera Droid Floated over a Rock Formation Broadcasting "The Game" to every planet in the Universe. The game is particular? A Demon Hunt. To prove her dying species are on par with the Cosmic Entities who play with the Souls and fate of Men. Sabaru Formed a League of Souls of Heroes to do Challenges and arrest quarries too dangerous for the So called gods to thwarted.
Part-Spectator Sport, Part Smear Campaign!
Eamonn and 3 other Galactic G-Men. A Bird-like Human, An Troll and an Elf, Descend their airship!
"Our Target is a Gorgon, Be very Careful, The lack of any rivers or reflective Surfaces will hinder you, so stay on your toes."
It was 6 hours walking and the Gorgon was always a step away. Soon the Blistering Heat of the Sun, Became the frigid heat-Vaccuum at night. The others returned to the Ship for warmth, but Eamonn could not return with a failed first Mission. He uncovered a cave filled with Statues of Amimals with parts removed and faces of shock or Fear on them. With their Stomachs Cracked or Limbs Removed, if they could be returned to live they would have perished on the spot!
In a Quarry like Pit, the Gorgon Sleeped on a Makeshift Bed of Peeled Furs. Naked Her Skin A Gangrenous Shade. Her Breast Torn out by Sharp Claws Possibly her own. Her Stomach well Toned and Pink-tinted like a Human, contrasting her Top Body and the legless form that tapered into a green Tail, which she was holding with her clawed hands. Her Hair of snakes Vibrated like a Hive on every movement of the creatures Breathing, Her Putrid Blue lips would pull back to reveal fangs and a forked tongue from time to time!
"Ok. Found you time to cal you in..." Said Eamonn, Threading on a mouse's Skull that Broke underfoot and echoed Loudly!
The Breathing Stopped!
(Storyline continues in August!)
No comments:
Post a Comment