The Worst of 2025: Borderlands

 "There was a Legend...Many People Tell It. The Legend of The Sh**ty Cashgrab. The IMDB And Watchmojo would always go on about the Sh*ty Cashgrab even on other matters. Cobbled together Sources. (Infinitely Squandered) Wealth. Incessant Terminology. Meddling. Women (Double Their Age) So You can Understand some little Kiddos who played Borderlands Grow up to be old enough to tweet their displeasure. Well, I have a story you may not Believe. But I Tell You it's True! The Legend of The SH***Y CASHGRAB IS REAL! AND HERE ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!"

Well, it's being too long since we've done a film this Insultingly Bad! But clearly next month's Victim Madame Web was more of a Disaster that this Garbage Fire. I even laughed at the cover when this film wasn't even released yet, 2 years ago in my Barbie review (Part of 2024's Ticket To Hell: Atomic Pink Event here-Bogger Box Office: TICKET TO HELL: ATOMIC PINK CHAPTER ONE: BARBIE THE LIVE ACTION MOVIE (PART1) so this was always on my radar!

But What is Borderlands?

Borderlands is a Western Themed Sci Fi Shooter Game Development by Gearbox. In a Genre overflowing with Franchises, Borderlands stands out from Rivals like Call of Duty and Fortnite, by ironically acting as a middle ground, by being as Colourful and Amusing as Fortnite, but having serious notes and story as A C.O.D. The Selling point is the Game's wide and Boundless loot System and Weapon Customization. Through Random Number Generation or RNG, weapons dropped by the enemy will never be the same at one go or another. The number "87 Billion" has being bandied about, though I'm sure the real number is Still in its Thousands.

But if you are An Executive in Hollywood, All I Just said might as well be in Swahili, as all you thought was "DIS MAEK MONEH, BUT WILL IT MAEK ME MONEH?"

But what money it would make, it wouldn't for 10 years. 

First announced in 2015, the movie had Being in Developmental Hell For a decade, until it fell on the lap of Eli Roth, and while Roth has claimed he is not a Full Blown Gamer, His Full Attention was not on this film as he was reshooting Thanksgiving at the same time, and the production of this film was Frustrating him-And It Shows!

And we cannot forget it's casting which was lambasted by everyone online myself included. But I will get to the Physical Actors later, in what would be a precursor to how sick we are seeing and hearing Jack Black just because he's the only actor who these Hollywood execs know plays Dem Dar Vidja Games as Black's Delivery is not what you expect for a talkative robot.

And Rather than Adapt the 1st game that follows Lilith, Roland and their Crew, They preferred to instead to smash All the characters with KEWL! Costumes Together as some sort of tribute act to all 3 games as a way to sell the Then Upcoming Borderlands 4

What I'm sure was supposed to be a Landgrab for New fans who got hooked on the movie, Instead Borderlands 4 was a case of Selling Sand To the Arabs, as in the only people buying Borderlands were Borderlands Players.

And Gearbox didn't help matters themselves in selling borderlands 4, as their executive Randy Pitchford was told that the game quality got worse as it gets longer, he said this:

....After saying that his games only run on computers that are 1 year old or less and you should buy new computers and you "Shouldn't Be Poor!" If you are buying new games at $60 each!

"LET THEM BUY NEW COMPUTERS!"

So it's finally time to head to Pandora. Let's Dig into Borderlands, One of the Worst Films of 2025

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW IS OF A FILM RATED 12 IN IRELAND AND THE UK OR PG-13 IN AMERICA, FOR REALISTIC VIOLENCE, KIDNAPPING, INNUENDO, AND LANGUAGE, WHICH WILL BE CENSORED, THIS REVIEW IS INTENDED FOR AN ADULT AUDIENCE!

I Will be repeating what I said in the link above, if you haven't come back to read this. But in case you missed it, 2 summers ago, this film was announced and I laughed at This poster in passing, and it was due to the casting and after finding out what one of the characters is SUPPOSED! To Look like. But can anyone really trust a film that purposely hired two women in their 60s to play 2 women in their 20s, even if Cate Blanchett is in Phenomenal Shape? and Why is 5 Foot Nothing Kevin Hart Playing Roland?

 

Easy, because Roland is Black and Kevin Hart Does Cheapen Films, I MEAN-Kevin Hart Does Films for Cheap!

In The Dvd version, Claptrap is on the left of Krieg, not under him, but both the dvd and movie poster have the same Problem- his arm raised in greeting is obscured or cut off. Most of the personality for Claptrap comes from his movement and talkativeness, so by having him static he just blends in with the cargo boxes. 

There is Some personality With the Other 5-foot Ariana being giving a Piggy-back by Krieg, played by Florian Munteanu in his starring role, and they really gave him the Liam Neesen as Darkman treatment "Yeah It's your first starring role, but you'll be in a mask for all of it!"

We Start With Blanchett Narratting The Plot: once in this Galaxy, there lived an Alien race called the Aridians, who were A Technologically Advanced Civilization. She says "were" Because in true McGuffin Form, The Aridians, are long gone, but their Technology, which had Advanced (Read: Stolen By) Humanity still exists. However, there are Rumours. That on their Home planet of Pandora, there is A Vault, that contains the Aridians' Greatest Treasures and Weaponry. Spurring every Despot and Outlaw, every Soldier and Self-made Ally of Justice, Every Major Empire, every Petty thief, and anyone with a Spaceship License to Head to Pandora to find a Treasure That may not exist!

HOW ORIGINAL(!)

Sure Enough, Pandora goes from Intolerable Desert Planet to Den of Villainy in Short Order. Corporations Rule patches of Lands and Turn a Blind Eye to the Roaming gangs not on their payroll, Nevermind the Many Have-A-Go Hunters who will Die to make a name for themselves.

But in the Midst of this Chaos, came a prophecy, That One Day "A Daughter of Aridia" Will Return to Open the Vault and Bring Order Back!

("Yeah, That Did Sound like Wacky BS, Right? But Little Did I Know...")

We see a Space Prison, Orbiting a Planet, Being Board by a Spacecraft and Destroying it,

As Tina (Arianna Greenblatt) Looks at the Carnage, with the face of Someone who was Sold the wrong Pizza. She meets her Would be Kipnapper in Roland (Hart) and This makes Tina make the proper emotional Response-Disappointment!

Actually Roland is not a Kidnapper, he works for her father, Atlas and His Atlas Corporation who rule most of Pandora. Now knowing Her father is finally Springing her release she jumps on the chance.

After Some Pew-Pew Action, A prisoner in a Gasmask breaks through a Beats up Kidnappers and Roland's crew alike, This is Krieg, aka the Guy Off The Covers of most of the games (Munteanu). He is Protective of Tina. So he is either A giant with the Mind of a child, or just plain Bats**t Crazy. But He Gives a Grunt of Agreement to Roland, When he offers the Masked Man his Freedom!

50 light years away on a different Slum Planet, a Hooded Women Drags a man in a weilder's helmet and a broken arm through a back alley into a bar, she reveals herself as our narrator,  Lilith (Blanchett) a Bounter Hunter who converses with the Barkeep that her "Date" for the evening is a Murderer that she is bringing in, so of course she is raking it in, so she orders Top Shelf Whisky (Though Quinn tells her as a slum planet, there is no real Trappings of luxury here!) But Lilith admits she is getting too old for this!

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE 25?

Even though she brought up her age, when some thugs calls her an Old Bi- he gets his nose broken before we have to increase the Age Rating!

The Goon with the broken nose, now referred to as Fatboy, backpeddles that he represents a company who wants Lilith's Services. She is not interested so Fatboy orders his men, Frank and West (has to be a coincidence that 2 killers are named after a killer since it's an American film!) To k*ll her. The patrons flee leaving Fatboy, Quinn, Lilith, her bounty and the two Thugs dead bodies....and a man in Suit slow clapping it out who claims to be their boss, so he gets shot dead, too!

Well, so much for that!

No, turns out the man Lilith just k**led isn't even there, it is a android in his image wearing a mask that Broadcasts Decadian Atlas' ( Edgar Rameriz) Face onto Another face for a long distance communication. So he orders Fatboy to put the mask on and emote with his hands like he is right here in the room. 

He wants to hire Lilith to retrieve his Daughter...right after Roland and his Crimson Lance Goody-Goods who Doesn't want Tiny Tina's father to exploit her as the "Last Daughter of Aridia"-Once Lilith hears the former name of her home planet, says she wants nothing to do with Pandora. 

FORESHADOWING!

Turns out when you are making Arm Dealer money-You Do have enough money to make anyone do anything. But to make sure Lilith starts right now, Fatboy shoots her Current Bounty dead, Atlas tells her not to disappoint him, as the mask deactivates, causing Fatboy to slink away and Lilith to swear in an Empty Bar.

We return to Pandora on the day of Lilith's homecoming. Lilith returns to narration duty.

"Let me tell you about all you need to know about Pandora...It's a S***hole! It is one of those places you never want to return to."

And she is right-we see the planet beyond being a desert Wasteland-Dinosaurs, Mutated Dogs,  Junk piles of scrap metal, Kids forced to scavenge to survive. Lilith finds Roland's Cruiser that crashed, and it was stripped of parts and Vandalized, those who wrote the Graffiti know of the Prophecy.  The kids tell Lilith they saw Roland and Tina go towards the City of Firestone, when Lilith is picked up by an Affable tour guide and his bus.

The Tour Guide, Marcus switches on a screen that exposits the plot, that the vault is sealed with the need of keys also hidden on the planet. So a tour guide makes a lot of money on those Vault hunters who are out of their depth.

Arriving at a very similar looking Scrapyard, Lilith is being followed by something not human. After she sets up camp that night, she shoot at her stalker...

And it's Claptrap, the Motormouthed Mechanical Mascot of Borderlands played with bile drawing Irritation by Jack Black.

Lilith does what every cinema worker who had to clean tossed popcorn because of Minecraft wish they could do, and shoots Jack Black repeatedly! Unfortunately, Claptrap has being built to withstand bullets and Programmed to serve Lilith til death, he says he was reactivated upon her return. However he doesn't know who programed that into his system and why he just remembers he is not a Companion Droid built by Atlas. 

But Claptrap is good for something, he has a Reverse image Search function. Using a picture of Tina to locate her current whereabouts to somewhere called Tundra Pass, a 100 plus kilometres from here, so she needs a ride.

The next morning she trails the Crimson Lance and Krieg's gang, the Psychos working together and it confuses Lilith, why would Atlas' Private Army work with Child Smugglers, Do Lilith shoots at an Attempted Smuggling Run, But the only thing being Liberated is their truck! No really she just leaves both slave and slaver alike looking on at the side of the road.

OUR HERO EVERYBODY!

When Claptrap makes A Crude Joke about Sitting on Lilith's lap so she put him in the cage of the Slaver's Van.

They get to Tundra Pass-Which is more a Blockade of Storages Boxes and School buses. Thinking her Bounty is long gone, that is Until Lilith spots a cuddly toy out in the open so she searches the Labyrinth of Boxes for signs of life. She uncovers a Crude Child's Bedroom for a child half Tina's age and Lilith finds her hiding in a pile of Clothes in Bunny Ears and mismatched clothes in her In-game "Tiny" Tina Persona, who acts very creepy and like someone with Arrested Development, when she asks Lilith for her "Badonkadonk!" She means her stuff bear, one she has set with a bomb.

So this is the reason why Tina was in prison. She is an absolute wiz with Making toys into weapons and being crazy about it. Then summons Krieg to finish the job.

With Krieg disposed, Commander Knox of the Crimson Lance comes to take Tina to Atlas, No Doubt still bitter about Roland seemingly choosing Morality over Duty. Tina actually says "Who and What Army?" To a Commander of an army, so Tina surrenders when surrounded,  but she has a present For Knox-An Exploding Teddy all her own, Causing Tundra Pass to collapse, Lilith saves Tina from being crushed and it looks like Knox is about to take all 3 Hostage. Until Roland In an Armoured Truck Chases off Knox's Hoverbike. This causes Lilith,  Tina, Krieg and reluctantly Claptrap to get in the car for safety.

We get a chase scene with boom booms and lasers, until they smash into a wall that guards a methane Field called....P*sswash Gully, a home to giant Worms who live off a Cycle of their own leavings, and it's where we got that Meme of Arianna Greenblatt's open mouth face, when urine splashes her into the car and into her mouth. And that's why Roland told you to Not pull down the window!

IS THIS VIDEO GAME FOR FOUR YEAR OLDS?

This Worm Creature, The Thresher, rises to the Surface and is a Tentacled covered Giant.

The Crimson Lance had Caught up on their vehicles. But Roland has a plan. The Plan...is to drive the van at the Thresher-Really Fast and Hard!

Ramming a bloody hole through the beast, The Armoured Van makes it's escape, but doing so has put the van in bad shape. Lilith wants to learn why Roland and Krieg turned on their respective factions. Tina tells Lilith her father believes her to be the "Daughter of Aridia". Lilith gets angry -this job was all about that Blasted Vault. She asks them if they know How many have died looking for that Godsaken Vault? She also gives some Backstory that her mother even died when she tried to be king of the Pirates or whatever! So she thinks Roland is just in it for himself, But no! As Eluded to and finally confirmed, Roland grew a consiense and he can't let Atlas use his own daughter as a tool, Lilith tells Roland, that she doesn't argue with this, but once Atlas learns about what she did to his Private Army,  she's as good as dead, So Thanks A Lot, I'm one of the team now, a team with no plan.

But Roland says he does have a plan-A Weapon Designer and Vault Historian in Sanctuary City. The one who has the idea to spring Tina out of The Space Joint to find the vault to find the other two keys. 

(OH YEAH, All this time Tina had one of the Vault keys on her person, If they put more into character development and drives, than Dialogue that sounded cool in the writer's head but really sound like playground taunting, that would be a lot clearer.)

So Sanctuary City is finally not a scrap heap in the desert, but a Domed Marketplace, Roland's Contact Mad Moxxie, a Club owner and Showgirl in the city's Red light district is also a family friend of Lilith's late Mother.

Roland is drinking with one of his Buddies, Larry, who asks him if he noticed his bounty just went up by 1000 Madeupstani Dollars! He feigns he wouldn't possibly turn on Roland, But Moxxie Shocks Larry because fights and Bounties are bad for business, plus as a favour to Lilith she plays a Distraction so they can exit through the fire escape.

With Tina figuring out pass code of Echo is the word Echo being Echoed, they Enter a Frieght Elevator to the lab of the Eccentric Dr Miranda Tannis. (Curtis) Lilith asks Roland of she can be trusted as she says despite her Eccentricities, she's good to go. That's when Lilith realises who she is.

Dahm Tannis, You look a little Different, Did you do something with your hair....like age by forty years? YEAH....

Turns out Tannis and Lilith know Each other...we learn it was Miranda's information that lead to Lilith Mother's Death and Tannis was made guardian of the Orphan her involvement just made, only for her to dive deeper into her work after Lilith was fobbed off to Thieves and Murderers at the tender age of ten. Tannis in her defence claims Lilith's mother wishes were Lilith would learn to survive if she didn't make it. Lilith tells her once again, There is no God, there is no Queen of England, The One Vault isn't Real!

Getting Air to calm down, Lilith is met by Tina who brags that she is The Chosen One, By letting know what she is not Atlas' Biological Daughter, But a Clone he financed. That key she has? That's more her parent than Decadian Atlas! He found it covered In Aridian Blood and Cloned a daughter to fulfill the Prophecy. 

(Checks Wiki...Oh I see....)

Tiny Tina was a Slave girl sold to the villian of the Second game and she's being living rough when separated from her parents-That's her Real Backstory.

Also the most important part of your Backstory, couldn't you have told Arianna Greenblatt to stand still so you at least feel like her character  give a dahm recanting it?

That's when she does get Emotional, Atlas only sees her as a Product, and once she opens the vault? What's next? Is she going to die after she's outlived her usefulness? Or is she going back to the lab for more experimentation, she can't live with herself after what Atlas Industries did to the other clones?

OK that's sad and all, But "Show, Don't Tell!" It's hard to feel bad when the first the thing we seen of Tina is her making a face like her phone was confiscated.

That is not the face of someone who saw Children with her face being K*lled in front of her repeatedly!

So Lilith allows the Child to hug her as a Comfort.

But nevermind that Sh*t!

We know what you really want and what you REALLY want is Claptrap rizzing up a vending machine! He trundles back to Mad Moxxie's when he is spotted by General Knox and Larry. He causes a chase scene, just as Tannis shows the crew a Journal of a Mining Company bureaucrat, he found her second key,  but dismissed it as as pottery, so it's no doubt still in storage there in Caustic Caverns-Which sounds like the worst theme park in the world!

So Sanctuary City is now on Lockdown, but everyone and Tannis now escape in a Garbage Skip. 

So Tannis is now one of the party...even though she is NOT A PLAYABLE CHARACTER, SHE IS ONE OF YOUR VENDORS!

Also why is Jamie Lee Curtis Dressed Like Dr Eggman?

"I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT; SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG IS A B*TCH-ASS MOTHERF-"

In the desert, they find a manhole leading to the Acid-Filled Sewer system aka Caustic Caverns, the Acid is so Corrosive it'll burn through anything that's not the Endemic Crystals that are formed from the accumulated Acid pools. After Breaking  the ladder off it's hinges,  Krieg makes a makeshift ladder, while Tannis orders Claptrap to travel up a tunnel to turn a valve to open a door. Tina puts herself in danger by jumping on the ladder repeatedly which promptly breaks like Borderlands 4 three hours into it's gameplay.

But Krieg saves her, after the remaining adults crab walk along the ledge. Tina spots a flower as Angelic music plays, doing that Trope in Apocalyptic movies that the heroes see that nature is reclaiming the desert as a symbol of hope, only for Claptrap to crush it under his wheel track to do a ThickoThot Dance!

GET IT? IT'S META HUMOUR!

Which makes the Following Mood Whiplash sting even harder, as they are now in Bloodshot Territory. Cannibal Anarchists that not even the Psychos would mess with, they need a Distraction, so who better than a nigh invincible robot made to recite Tina's Juvenile Word Salad of Insults.

As Jack Black gets Shot up Repeatedly, the other can search for the second key. However the Second key is stored in one of Hundred of Storage Boxes, however Lilith's Foreshadowing powers let's her find the second key. 

Oh just when you Couldn't hate Claptrap enough, we have him do a scene straight out of a Corus Animation. As Claptrap poops the bullets he was shoot up with, so of course the noise alerts the Bloodshots, so Mindless fight scene to Motorhead's Ace of Spades, they fight through the Sewer system to get the service elevator that has being destroyed so all the men go to buy Tannis some time to conduct repairs. But Roland causes leakage of the acid filled pipes to K*ll half of the Bloodshots, it'll be all for nought. Or it would be, If Roland didn't sacrifice himself to connect the lift's wires to an outside fuse box, staying behind with one of Tina's exploding teddies to fight off all of the remaining Bloodshots.  

With a more believable Actor, I would be saddened by this.

The remaining Heroes hurtle upwards a Mine Shaft to what would be their Doom at the hands of a Blocked entrance, when a Flash of light caused a magical Copout. In the words of Tina in an ACTUAL F***ING QUOTE! 

"I can Teleport? THAT'S MAD CRAZY, YO!"

However they have no idea where they are now, the only thing they can do is set up camp and hope Roland can Catch up!

Tannis Combines the 1st key and the second that looks like a pot, and they make a projector that shows the planet and 2 symbols an Upside-down v for Vault and a red Phoenix like symbol called the Firehawk, the Diety of the Planet. Usually I would ask how a character would know to do that, but Tanner is a Historian, it would make less sense if say, Krieg knew to do that!

Lilith says they need to find the 3rd key, But Tannis Blinks widely, they have the Third Key! By cloning the Aridian blood off the first Key, Tina was Imbued with its Power, in vitro. 

But Lilith Finally Cops on! If they are going to continue to find the Vault, then it means the keys' powers are to be consumed to do so, and if it means a single life dies to save many more, then so be it!

Back in Caustic Caverns, Roland is the Last One Standing. In a Cleared mine passage Lilith smashes her Tracker, But a Drone by Atlas Corporation follows her with a hologram of Decadian, threatening the lives of her friends, Unfortunately the Sleeping Tina wakes just at the moments to hear Her "Father" renegotiate Lilith's contract with him. 

So, Angered by this supposed betrayal, Tina throws a grenade at Lilith that blows up, but Lilith Survives Only when awakened by Claptrap's obnoxious Dancing on what he hoped was her grave. She asks where the others are. The Robotic Runt tells they fixed the van to head for a village. That word startles Lilith, they know where they are. Maybe it was destined Lilith returned to her home village, where she has Flashbacks of her mother's Abandonment. Searching through the rubble of her house Lilith finds a Holograph of her and her Mother, When Claptrap scans a child's drawing the Firehawk Symbol, he falls over and projects a secret message from the person who programmed him to protect Lilith: A Not-Jennifer Lawrence who plays Lilith's mother! So she asks her daughter to forgive her, but if she is back then it's only because she understands "What she really is"

A touching moment but Jack Black ruins it!

Lilith Knows that the heroes are in more danger than they realize, the Vault is here in Lilith's village. They combine the keys, Tina Puts it in a lock mechanism....But nothing happens. Not that Atlas and his Forces who were trailing them in cloaking devices care, when they can use less conventional and more violent methods to open it. Their claim to the Vault alone will stop rebellion by other factions. That's when Roland makes an entrance by swinging on a chain. (Where was that even attached to. Who was holding up that Chain? GOD?) He shoots some bullets at Atlas, but he is Protected by a Personal Forcefield. He commands the Crimson Lance to seize them, But Knox refuses. She's about to give a rousing speech, But Atlas vapourizes her with a laser.

Oh, you Thought you could have character development and a Filibuster....IN A CASH GRAB MOVIE?

From a Cliff Lilith Taunts Atlas and He asks why he should fear her.

That's when she teleports Like Tina did and claims what she already knew and denied for so long.

She was Born here on Pandora, therefore Since Pandora use to be called Aridia.

She WAS ALWAYS THE DAUGHTER OF ARIDIA!

And we get the Flashbacks of every bit of lore, the Firehawk drawing is that of a self-portrait of Lilith with wings, her finding the key, her teleporting everyone, NOT TINA! It finally makes sense to Tannis, who was told by Lilith's mother to get her off the planet, ii was to avoid this. But for everyone's safety Lilith will open the vault, as long as Atlas keeps his word not to harm her friends.

So Let's finish this!

(No henna tattoos like the original, because at this point, Roth's focus was on Reshooting Thanksgiving and he did not care at this point!)

Lilith says her goodbyes as opening the Vault is a death Sentence for Aridians, the Debris reforms into a Rip-off Stargate, that turns her into the Firehawk, the Deity of Pandora-Which is just CGI wings and a glowing aura. Decadian demands that she opens the vault, but Lilith is not there anymore, as the Firehawk flames passes through Atlas' shield to knock him down, he orders his minions to throw Tina down a well, So Lilith uses her Do anything Magic powers to save Tina with Telekinesis.

HOORAY! LET'S CELEBRATE WITH MORE POINTLESS SHOOTING AND STUNT-FIGHTING!

Lilith's presence passes her invulnerability to her human friends, but Atlas' spaceship has a laser cannon that is her match, shooting her out of the sky, every friend, now the magic gone is put in mortal danger, until Tannis tells Lilith to pull herself together. Atlas and Lilith have a Beam Struggle that leads to the energy destroying the ship and k*lling every unnamed character. In the smoke caused by the wreckage, Atlas takes Tina as his hostage to coerce Lilith to opening the vault, which she does, Atlas Drags Tina inside the portal chasing Lilith into the Vault. Inside Lilith becomes One with The Force or some crap, teleporting around grabbing his Forcefield generator, Tina stamps on his foot, and Leaves Atlas to be devoured by the Thresher Lilith just teleported into the Vault.

And So Sanctuary City celebrates Like Mardi Gras in Mad Max World!

And so the Film ends with everyone heading to their party, except Lilith and Tina who convinces Lilith to use her divine Birthright to join the fireworks display as Lilith once again states Pandora is still dangerous and a Wasteland, but it's her home.

THIS FILM SUCKS!

Do you know how Eli Roth Showed interest in Directing this film? It wasn't because he was a big Superfan of Borderlands.  

No.

What thing that convinced him was Dogsh*t!

That's not a Metaphor.

His French Bulldog did her business in front of Eli and it lead to her being called Claptrap,  which is why they had that scene in the movie-as an inside joke.

The casting is famously ridiculous, but the characterization and plot is worse. They just took characters from the first 3 games and smush them into a new version of 1. Lilith and Tiny Tina are the focus of course,  but the other characters have little to work with, because we needed to allocate all the Run time to Jack Black singing Tiktok memes in a voice changer. Roland and Knox's rivalry and Knox's face turn? Doesn't happen because Knox is disintegrated before she can speak. Krieg fights Krom, but it makes no impact, as Krom is introduced in the last chapter, with no explanation or build up what's so ever (He is Never named beyond the Credits-That how little they cared!) Just a guy in a white Gasmask fighting a guy in a black Gasmask, looking like a Photo fighting it's negative. Tannis' PTSD and Survivor's Guilt after her parents were killed by Raiders? It's one sentence of Dialogue with Roland telling her to Shut up about the Raiders!

Which brings us to Personalities. Lilith and Roland are flat, Tina is a Brat who is a Chosen One Golden Child who speaks like someone half her age, Krieg speaks Gibberish and Tannis Speaks like someone quoting someone else on the Autism Spectrum. Edgar Rameriz plays the Villian role straight like a Bond Baddy, but he is not Merlin the Magician. He and so many of the actors can only do so much. 

If I can be positive, the costumes looked great and the scenes, filmed in Hungary of all places,  were Stunning but it's all Sizzle and no Steak. Not since Bionicle have a went into a film with no clue going in, and less of one coming out. This film was nominated at the Razzies, but was beaten out of it's nominations by 2 worse films. A film a reviewed before, in Unfrosted and the film I will review next month...

Madame Web!

CREDITS 

Borderlands was Reviewed,  Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli on X) With Media from:

IGN

Borderlands 

One Piece 

Danhausen's Facebook account

Code Lyoko 

Guardians of the Galaxy 

MST3K

Superman Returns 

Forspoken

SHE-RA

All rights Reserved. All Media belongs to their respective owners. 

Borderlands is property of Gearbox and Take2. With the Film produced by Lionsgate.

TICKET TO HELL 2026: RED NOTICE PART 3

THIS POST IS A CONTINUING REVIEW OF A 12 RATED MOVIE, THAT STILL HAS INNUENDO AND VIOLENCE, BUT ALSO SCENES AND DISCUSSIONS OF ANIMAL CRUELTY AND MENTIONS OF RACISTS AND RACISM, AS SUCH CERTAIN WORDS WILL BE EDITED AND CENSORED, AS OF GOOGLE'S TERMS OF SERVICE!

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!)

(The Bounty Hunter who kidnapped Eamonn, Herr Doctor, is Dead! He was killed by Chesed, who in her transformation from Sentient Relic, became a biomechanical God. 

In her Malfunctioning mind, The Essence of Kindness reverted to her Base Emotion over her Duty, and was using her new powers she stole from Sabaru's blood, to curry favour with humanity by seeing our Greed over land and resources and deciding that can we reversed...by having a second Earth crash into the planet! While all the Superpowers war over the resources they don't have, They fail to see the danger of either Collision or Temporal Erasure. When Herr Doctor was going to killed by being shown the world without him, if not for The Outlaw, who shot him! Then, as expected, "Death" left when things went south for him, he refused to help in what will happen next!)

Meanwhile on the review, we have being going through the infamous RED NOTICE! AKA THE GOLDEN EGG FILM, Rocky's terrible film that has him playing a framed FBI Profiler, John Hartley, who after foiling his nemesis, Nolan Booth (Ryan Reynolds) in stealing the Golden Egg of Cleopatra, has his life and career removed from the Wiki by the dastardly Mastermind "The Bishop" (Gal Gadot) who manipulates them in an offer to work for her to steal the other golden eggs, which they refuse. And when we left off, we are in a masquerade ball of a Spanish Weapons Dealer named Sotto Voce, the current incumbent of the Second Golden Egg. And right now the Bishop is about to seduce the info out of the arms dealer.)

But Agent Hartley won't even let "The Bishop" get to the Slap and Tickle part of her plan, as Voce falls for the Ole-Bump-N-Rob Trope (Can't go wrong with the classics!) as Booth walks past to get to Hartley, we see that he doesn't-Agent Das (Ritu Arya) in Disguise. 

While Busy monologuing to his guests and (Turning from Spanish ESL actor To Sounding like Ian McClennan before our very eyes!), the Bishop is distracted by an over-acted scene between her two marks. Booth hacks the system but he and John only have 45 seconds-and despite Nolan smashing the glass that has Sotto's fingerprints on it by running into Hartley, they break into the vault, but the silent alarm goes off!

That's when Das reveals herself. At Gunpoint she gives Hartley an Ultimatum: Arrest Booth, or turn themselves both in! He feigns putting on cuffs on Booth, then proceeds to kick away Das' Gun. before high-tailing it into the vault and closing the Door.

They Approach the egg, only for "The Bishop" to be there Already- How was she able to get in here and not trip any alarm?

So Anyway Fight scene, The two action stars smash glass, while the comedian can't smash glass at all for what was suppose to be for HEE HEE, HAA HAAS!

I'll Save you 3 minutes by Dilating time to the first of many stupid twists-The so called twist of the Bishop working for Sotto Voce, which is why she can pass without tripping security-Because she IS Security. The scene ends with a fade to black timed to when the two Americans being knocked out by being pistol whipped!

We cut to the catacombs below a Bullfighting Ring where John and Nolan are tied to a vertical pole-Because we need to remind the American audience where we are, and Credit where it's due, Valencia is actually famous for it's bullfighting, rather that just using it as a catch-all Spanish Culture Trope-Though it is a dying Culture and Provinces are following the Canary Islands example of legally Banning  the Bloodsport.

So the plan is torture Hartley to make Booth talk, But since the writers cannot give Booth any Motivation other than "Hom****tic Comic Relief" he keeps spouting unfunny double entredres while the Bishop plans to do something unsavory with a Car Battery.

After Shocking Hartley's Nipples, Booth remains Schtum. Not even when the Bishop "Fries Rocky's Sausage!" (And even more Torturous, Gadot Singing "Downtown!") It's only when Soto starts Choking Hartley, is when Nolan Breaks-The Third egg never left Egypt-It's still Buried in the Hidden Tomb of Cleopatra. And here is the thing that destroys the entire plot to this film, this one line by Gadot.

"HE IS NOT LYING. I HEARD THERE IS A SECRET ROOM IN THE TOMB AND I KNOW WHERE IS IS!"

(HEAVY BREATHING......)

IF YOU KNEW WHERE IT WAS,WHY DID YOU NEED TO RUIN THE CAREER OF A FBI AGENT AND MAKE A DEAL WITH YOUR DIRECT COMPETITION? WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GET SOTTO VOCE TO RUB OUT BOOTH IN ROME WHEN HE STOLE THE FIRST EGG, IF YOU ARE IN THE BED AND BANKROLL OF THE GUY WHO OWNS THE SECOND EGG? WHY ARE YOU NOT IN EGYPT RIGHT NOW! IF YOU ALWAYS KNEW, WHERE THE THIRD EGG

ALWAYS.

F**KING.

WAS?

AAAARGH!

So to celebrate The Bishop pours her lover some Definitely NOT poisoned Champagne and Voce dies like an Idiot in What Nolan calls "Heist Film Amateur Hour"

HEY! You Cannot be Both Stupid and Self Aware! That's against the Rules!

After beating up a Guard and stealing the 2 golden eggs, the two Americans are still bound at a pole, Voce is not dead, But the gangster with a Napoleon Complex, still dizzy from Hollywood Dr*gs shoots the pole before passing out for good!

The Gangster Missed Every Shot But One, a Shot that Smashed Hartley's cuffs. Booth pleads that he wants to be freed, but John is p*ssed about getting tortured.  That's when Booth reveals he lied to the Bishop-The Egg is not still in Egypt,  because that would be stupid-And that's me saying it, not the characters in the film. John doesn't care about the egg, he just wants The Bishop arrested, but Nolan says too bad, when she Realised she's being Sold a Bill of Goods-She'll come for the egg. So they Need the egg to get to the Bishop.

So they crawl into the Bull Ring and into the view of a green screen Bull. In fact, they just Google mapped the interior of the Valencia Bull Ring, Admittedly one of the few Cities that has year long Bull fights, But the scenes where we are to believe both actors and the Bull are in the same place look as phoney as a Football-Bat!

Stowing away on a train, riding the rails after running for their lifes, Booth still has to the Cryptic And Annoying Jokey Character when John asks him where the last egg is. So John pulls Booth's head put of the moving train to get a straight answer out of him. As a certain Vampire once said...

"I Have No Time for Your Quirks!"

But Booth knows he's not going to be turned Human Graffiti because Hartley is too much of a Goody Good! That's when John exposits on his father-A Conman who abandoned him "Your Dad was a cop, so you became a Crook, my dad was a Crook, so I became a Cop!"

....And Together we can be Justice!

Turns out Booth left out important information in his Backstory-The Reason his father got so uppity about his watch being stolen is that Nolan's father was obsessed with Finding secret N*zi Gold Bunkers in Argentina, The last time the world saw the Third egg of Cleopatra, it was in the hands of H*tler's Art Appraiser, Rudolph Zeich, who hid the Coordinates of the location on the face of a watch. A Watch his father bought in an auction as a quest to find the treasure, a watch his father loved more than his son, A stupid watch that didn't have the right numbers. A watch Booth smashed in his rage after his father passed to even learn this.

So Johnston lets Reynolds onto the Jumanji Set to film a jungle scene, to save money. After the Clichéd "I Had The Map Upside-down" bit, Hartley throws the compass he was holding onto the jungle floor in annoyance, which makes a loud "CLANG!"

They Dig in the dirt and uncover a Certain Symbol. Twisting a valve they uncover a spiral staircase. Using the watch which Nolan had fixed they open a magnetic Lock to a vault filled with long lost Treasures from all over. We get Hartley and Booth setting up both Chekov's Car and Chekov's Copper Mines. They find the egg but Nolan immediately drops it-Because the Comedy Writers have no self control even for the main plot!

That's when the Bishop appears from nowhere. And you are probably wondering how she figured out Nolan lied to her and how she found the Bunker without the Zeich Watch or come here without giving it away that they were being followed!

.......

So Anyway!

If that wasn't enough, Interpol are here too! And they start shooting up the place. So the three fugitives take the Death Wagon they set up last scene (Aren't you glad they found it?) To escape down the mine shaft in the Predictable car chase scene, that ends with a Cave Behind A Waterfall, Das looks out, convinced they are all dead, but Sadly Nolan surfaces with the egg, but there is no sign of Hartley. Booth has grown a Consiense and tries to find him in the water,  but Hartley is already on land! HOORAY!

But so is the Bishop-BOO!

Nolan Gloats to the Bishop, And Hartley Arrests Her with 18 minutes of run time to spare.

IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF THEY ADDED A TWIST SO UNBELIEVABLY STUPID AT THIS POINT OF THE MOV-

OH F**K RIGHT OFF!

So...Say hello to John and Sarah Hartley...AKA "THE BISHOPS" They had setup Interpol and Booth from the start to have each other at their throats. Every fight-choreographed, every word to each other-filled with double meaning. Even the Torture, though real, was the only way Sarah could pass the key to John's Cuffs. When Booth is Cuffed to a tree, he asks John if everything was a lie, John says not all of it-His Dad is a Con artist and he does hate him, but only because he can do better than him! And Now he's off to Egypt to gift the eggs to Nolan's Client to take the Credit from the crime boss on the night of his Daughter's Wedding and Politically announce his Divine right To rule.

And Soon, a Lavish spectacle is given in Cairo, as the 3 eggs are put on display-Only for the bride Not to care-Ed Sheeran was hired to be the wedding singer and the Nepo-Bride couldn't give a monkey's about Father's Maxie Zeus Style Delusions. However, it was a Set-up by the Hartleys as they watch all this whilst posing as guests, to have Interpol arrest the Crime Boss finally through legal channels, as the third Egg is Now N**i gold and illegal to possess. Soon the Crimeboss, Cleopatra and Ed Sheeran are arrested, 

Especially when Sheeran did a Jeff Jarrett and hit a cop over the head with a Guitar when he learned he wasn't getting paid!

Six Months later in Sardinia and the Rock and Gal Gadot are in Sexy Swimsuits being a Sexy Couple in a boat, when they return from their swim, Booth is aboard. He reveals his own M Sh*te Sh*ttyfilm twist-He was arrested by Das, escaped custody, but found Hartley's joint Cayman Island Account which he gave to Das who has Frozen the Assets of. But he has a Deal of his own...the Worst Thing Possible...Sequel Bait!

And So, the film Ends With our 3 Idiots Line Walking towards the Louvre, For the Sequel that has already being greenlit-FFS!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

Forget WWE'S Involvement, This film was destined to tank hard!

Gadot and the Rock are such Black Holes of Charisma, It means Reynolds has to overcompensate for them, by turning up Bad Qu**rcoded dialogue to almost "Carry-on" Film levels. The amount of twists in this film made this feel like the Heist Episode of Rick and Morty, but without the self-awareness of it was made by people making a point we are all sick of heist movies. Of Course since this was Produced by Seven Bucks, Johnson had to the Executive Producer so he had to make himself look cooler than everyone else, and making him the focal point to the film's plot and progression-something I never seen in a Mcguffin film!

In short WWE Shouldn't be blamed for Torpedoing this franchise.

THEY DID A FINE JOB OF IT THEMSELVES!

CREDITS 

Red Notice was Reviewed Compiled and Edited into 3 parts by Eamonn Bermingham.

With Media from in part 1:

Red Notice

WWE 

Slim Jim (This Post is not Sponsored!)

Figure four Wrestling podcast

Army Of The Dead

Wikipedia 

Star Trek Deep Space Nine

In Part 2:

Dracula Flow

Dragonball Z and Dragonball Z Abridged 

Red Notice 

Elio

And in Part 3:

Power Rangers Super Megaforce and History of Power Rangers

Buffet The Vampire Slayer 

Atop The Fourth Wall

Red Notice

The Angry Joe Show

All Media used belong to their respective owners. All rights Reserved. 

Red Notice was Produced by Seven Bucks Studios For Netflix. 

NEXT TIME! ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

Earlier this year we did the best of 2025, so it's only fair the next 2 films are the worst of last year, July will see Madame Web get hers. But not before we see a Video game warning us about Corporate Greed and Stupidity, get it's Film Adaption ruined by Corporate Greed and Stupidity! As in June I review Borderlands!

AND NOW THE FINAL CHAPTER TO THE TWO DEATHS OF E!

THE FINAL CHAPTER PART THREE 

What once was Whole, now flown Apart! 

Not dwelling on the escape of the Outlaw, all the remaining heroes and villians drew their weapons to deal with Chesed. However those who encountered the Cosmic Entities before were worried. After all, Gods they maybe, but they were first and foremost, Children with no pertinent Skills or Combat experience. 

Then there was Edwin and Sabaru. 

Edwin killed Rage years ago and was now it's unwilling Vessel, the Frustration of Eamonn sparing Increasingly stronger foes and it's influence, turned What was once a one note character into a vengeful weapon maker with a sick sense of humour. 

Then there was Sabaru, who unlike all the villians Eamonn Fought, actually won! In a plan that was years in the making, Sabaru avenged Demons by creating a faux Heroes league, using gaslighting and False Drama to stockpile negativity to the final plan, executing a defeat of her heroes at one time to create a fear so potent, those who lost faith, became monsters, and virulent agents to spread more despair.

And would have remained Victorious, had Sabaru choose her words carefully. But I suppose saying you have "All the Faith in the World" in something when your plan is to remove hope and faith, was one hell of an oversight. 

And her being Outsmarted by Fecking Joe-Jack will never not be funny!

Then there was Yusef.  Sure, he was heroic as the day is long, but still a mercenary. Though he wanted to return to his Earth...even it was a Dystopia.

Eamonn also didn't want to admit that our world can lean towards that any time soon!

Why Do you want to Stop me? Chesed Said with an added sugary tone. It didn't match the arrogant words of someone who claimed to have Humanity's Best Interest at heart. 

Don't you see? I am providing you with the Solutions. More Fields for the Starving! More shelter for the Homeless!

...More Oil for the Greedy! More Displaced People for Exploitation! More countless, pointless Deaths to appease the False God who wants to rid the world of Pointless Deaths! 

You still believe that I am not being earnest, that I truly do not have your species best interests?

YA, WE DUZ!

What chance you have? Just accept the Rulership of the Kinder Reality!

Jusef Loaded his flintlock to blast Chesed, but she used her powers to turn the shot into a bouquet of flowers. Which she caught with both hands and smelt them in a teasing manner!

This annoyed Sabaru as it was her blood Chesed stole to be even able to do this.

Get yourself your own act, honey! That's rule 1 of A magical Villain.

-Oh? and what's Rule 2?

Any spell can be used against you!

With that the bouquet turned into a hornet's nest and the contents grew into humanoid hornet soldiers. Only for the Hornets to take the heroes Hostage.

You dare? As the Essence of Kindness, all life I make are loyal to me, no matter if what was made is remade by others!

So they are your Slaves? Do you not see how cruel that is? 

You are right.

I believe my programming is starting to bring me back to my senses. I have acted foolishly by thinking the world would be Saved by stealing another Earth to appease Humanity's worse impulses.

....WHY STOP ON ONE PLANET? WHEN I CAN DRAW AS MANY, TIL I CAN HELP EVERY SINGLE ONE! A PLANET FOR EVERY LEADER OF THIS WORLD! WORLDS WITH A SUPERPOWERED EMPIRE ON EACH, NO MORE WARS WHEN EVERYONE HAS ALL THEY WANT!

....That's not gonna stop the worse of those who are in power! Why can't you see that? And a world for every one leader! What? Would that be 100 world's colliding into this one. 

And least a hundred? We Need a proper read out, because we haven't factored the gravitational force that will be applied to this planet. 

Using his 3d glasses.  Edwin scanned The Internet search engines for the answer.

Earth currently has 195 Countries!

WHAT? WE ARE GOING TO BE BOMBARDED 200 MORE EARTHS?

I need that many? Very Well! 

(Chesed raised her arms and widened them to an acute angle, the power was too much as it fluxes out and back into her third eye like an electrical current. The sky darkened further, as more planets, not as many as nearly 200 at once descended, but they still blocked the sun and those who could breathe to survive, saw cold air leave their mouths.

Do you not see what you are doing? This is madness!

Chesed only cried, whether it was out of her mind finding it's clarity, noone could tell, but she couldn't stop!

Rock fragments from colliding Planets fell towards the two, Yusef was the only one close on his hovercycle, he pushed both Eamonn and Chesed out of the way, and into the line of fire. 

Knocked off his bike, which spun into another crag and exploded onto the rock face, Yusef was pinned by the rocks and both legs and his left arm were shattered. He would scream out, but his breathing had become laboured with the weight on his body.

YUSEF!

No! KNOT FANCY ME! CMON, WE HAVE TO SAVE HIM!

....

EIGHTIES LAD, IT'S YUSEF! DON'T HAVE A SOUL LEFT IN DERE, YA B*****D?! IZ DERE IZ NUTTIN' LEFF OV DA BOY WHO VOWED HE WOZ NOTHING LIOKE DA EDWIN TANTALOS WHO RUINED HIS WORLD! HE HAD TO SEE HIS MIS'ER EAMONN TURN EVIL! TO HAVE TO CHOOSERS TA KILL HIM DESPITE BEING HIS FRIEN'! YA HAVE TO OWE HIM DAT MUCH AT LEAST.

You are Right....I may never be only Edwin anymore, even in Death, but I can save him. I have no plans to Betray you in your time of need.

He tapped some buttons on his belt. Soon, his attack Drones would self-destruct to loosen the stones, with Sabaru contorting her arms to those of A gorilla to lighten the load further.

Please, Chesed sobbed, the reality setting In she done wrong. You need to stop me!

aND iT hAS aLREADY cAME. tHEY jUST hAD tO nOTICE?

Who had to notice? Notice What?

oTHERS lIKE uS. wHO jUST nOTICED sOMEONE eLSE hAD tHERE tOYS! 

That's when glowing hands that looked like those of babies grabbed the other Earths with a Childish declaration of "MINE!" The cosmic Entities of those world's claimed their property. In hell, Ostrich saw the population of His Domain be expelled by the souls from the World, the Earth was reverting back to normal. The sights of the second Earth in the sky were treated by the world leaders as a ruse by their enemies, which they denied, and by a week, It will no doubt be a punchline and memed on. The world will continue once it forgot the Scam which was the second Earth in the Sky!

But to those who were there, The Battle of 200 Worlds would be no Joke, Not for Jusef Commonman, who needed Cybernetics to Function. Thankfully Edwin and The Appraisers, using Chesed as a volunteer fitted his Body with Cyborganic parts to continue his Fight. This surgery was enough to revert Chesed back into a Canister on wheels, but Now Hosting a Heart, Her Heart, A more Fitting Treasure of the Essence of Kindness to be. 

And so everyone was Returned, Eamonn now remembered was no longer prisoner of the Appraisers of Will, Edwin and Sabaru were returned to the Discard Dimension for their crimes and Once a hoverbike was created for Jusef, he would return to Earth-3 To continue his mission for Justice!

Jusef flew over New London (Formerly Dublin!) when his body just exploded into half eaten food and Dead rats!

(...In the Discard Dimension!)

THINK THEY FELL FOR IT?

OH ABSOLUTELY! MY CLONE MADE SURE TO TELL OUR FORMER ALLIES NOT TO FOLLOW HIM TO EARTH 3!

THEY ARE NONE THE WISER

WELL, THAT IS FANTASTIC NEWS, BABE! I'M MORE SURPRISED WITH MYSELF THOUGH, THAT I COULD SEE MY WORK COME TO ME AND NOT REACT WHEN I SEE IT

Edwin was Tinkering with something on the floor, he had smuggled robot parts when he worked on "Jusef" and here in his Prison, he ironically took a captive as he worked on him.

TAA-DAH! WHAT DO YOU THINK MY FRIEND? AS I TOLD JOE-JACK, I HAVE NO PLANS IN BETRAYING THEM IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED!

On the Floor was Jusef, his body stiff and he couldn't see what Edwin did, he was shouting abuse at his "Saviour". When he saw his hands were segmented as doll joints, He knew what Edwin did and what he meant by "Seeing his work". 

THE OUTLAW.

THE PUPPET WHO CLAIMED TO THE DEATH.

IT WAS NO LONGER HIS FUTURE SELF!

IT WAS HIS NEW PRESENT REALITY!

THE END...FOR NOW!

TICKET TO HELL 2026: RED NOTICE PART 2

 THE FOLLOWING IS A CONTINUED REVIEW OF A 12 RATED FILM-WHICH CONTAINS INNUENDO AND CENSORED LANGUAGE AND IS INTENDED FOR AN ADULT AUDIENCE

We start Part 2 back in Rome 32 hours after the retrieval of the Golden Egg, Agent John Hartley (Dwayne Johnson) is to leave for America when Officer Das (Ritu Arya) Comes in with the False Golden Egg and smashes it on the bar floor they were in. They have being had-AGAIN!

That's when we get the kicker-Das had only met Agent John Hartley this week, and...

"I WENT TO QUANTICO, AND NOONE EVER HEARD OF YOU, SLIME!"

However they did find a Swiss bank Account in his name and 3 million lodged 32 hours ago. FBI Has to deal with Hartley as if he was a second player who wanted his competition rubbed out, and now John Hartley is arrested and literally sent to a Russian Gulag.

"IN RUSSIA, SELF-SERVING BOOKING OF A WRESTLEMANIA RUINS YOU!"

Shoved into a Cell, He hears a familiar voice asking him if he's a Top or a Bottom and "He's Not exactly talking about bunk beds!"

Oh Ryan Reynolds, Your Deadpool is Showing!

So we are under the Assumption that Hartley is who he says he is and is being framed by "The Bishop" so Both him and Booth are out of Her way-Wait, so you are a Shady Criminal Mastermind no one has ever seen, but you used your real voice in direct communication-That's kind of Stupid!

So Nolan says he was working for an Egyptian  Crime Boss who demands all 3 of Cleopatra's Eggs in his possession before the wedding of his daughter, Who is also named Cleopatra-He probably sees the Eggs as a Divine right to a more political power.

But the Second Egg is not going to be as easy as a Museum Heist, the second Egg is in the possession of A Spanish Arms Dealer called Sotto Voce, who has a penchant for choking his enemies to death, but Voce has a Fun side; Every year Voce throws a masquerade "Definitely-Not-A-Reason-For-Gal-Gadot-To-Show-Some-Skin-In-A-PG-13-Film!" Ball In his Villa in Valencia.

And Booth would be Stealing the Hell out of it! If Hartley Is Really A Cop, Hartley Reminds them they are in a prison canteen with other inmates, So Booth stands and loudly exclaims "THIS MAN IS NOT  A COP! (WINK!)" or just as good!

A Prisoner Starts a Fight with Hartley, But the Agent Refuse to Fight, Since Rocky's off the Juice Now, His muscles are for show!

The 2 Americans are brought by guards to the Prison Captain in a church, and Loh and Behold, It's "The Bishop" (Gal Gadot)

So She was the Mastermind in all this, she ruined an Agent's whole life and career, just so 3 people who hate each other team up to steal an Egg from Another Piece Of S**t?

And Booth knows where the 3rd Egg is, but he's keeping that info to himself, and Hartley is too much of a boy scout to break the law. So with their Refusal of the offer, Bishop decides that maybe some Hard Labour will make them change their tune.

So it's the day of Chekov's Labour, where the 2 yanks (okay, Nolan is supposedly Swiss, but you can't tell with how small Reynolds' vocal range is) are filling holes In the prison walls-Holes big enough for 2 men to fall through, but somehow Booth says later, he wants a shower and a good night sleep.

They try to redeem themselves with Booth's Backstory-As A Child he was accused of stealing his father's watch and for a year he didn't speak to Nolan, so when the Watch was found as his work, his father didn't apologise, so when Nolan gave his father a taste of his own medicine and refused to speak to him,  he put Nolan in a Boarding school for "Acting Up!"

Hartley pretends to sleep, as Booth tells his Totally original Backstory that is definitely not The Riddler's Copied Homework, but it's a joke! He apologizes, but that trauma has warped Booth into what he is. He asks John the same question-Which Hartley doesn't answer as he doesn't like to talk about HIM!

FORESHADOWING!

It turns out Booth wasn't being a Lazy Sod, he was casing the Prison for things he needed to make their escape, using Nitric Acid Floor cleaner with Glycerin soap to make nitroglycerin in a washing machine. Sure, It still ends with them jumping out the big hole, but it gets the job done!

Stealing a Combat Helicopter, it looks like Booth is going to leave Hartley, until he jumps on board,  and good thing too, because he uses the helicopter's swing doors to avoid The RPG From killing them, and I guess the Jet trail of the Rocket doesn't cause Smoke Inhalation damage or starts a fire in it's area of effect- Aren't we Lucky?

We cut to London, where Bishop has kidnapped a MI5 Officer and treats the bound man like a therapist-THE POOR  B*****D HAS TO LISTEN TO GAL'S VOICE, THAT MUST BE A CRIME AGAINST THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS!

So the Bishop is here is use Not-Simon Pegg's computer to Delete the Source of the Message Das Received. But Not-Pegg is clever enough to hit a Silent Alarm, when She is sending a message to Das for her to arrive at Soto Voce's party in Spain. A Single Cop walks into the office and Bishop beats his ass like a Jobber. She ends the scene threatening the lives of his family and friends...and to publish his browser history!

We cut to an Airfield somewhere (What no caption this time?) when a commercial plane lands to collect Hartley and Booth. The pilot, A black man with a heavy African accent called Tambwe (Tam-Way!) Comes to the greet them, the Human Trafficker is not impressed that a federal agent is working with Booth ("No Juiceboxes For You!" ACTUAL GODDAM QUOTE!)

Bound for Spain, Nolan Break down his plan-Despite the Villa Being heavily guarded there is one Flaw, people still using facial and voice recognition technology in a world with deep fake Technology!

"Seriously, you could use this in real life to commit crime, but people are too busy using it for P**n!'

But there is also one problem-the second piece of security is a RNG pin that changes every six minutes, that is unlocked via Sotto's phone in his trousers at all times- So 3 guesses how the Bishop plans to take the phone! They also need his thumbprint to open the phone in the first place, So why didn't they lead with that?

WE GO TO VALENCIA, AT A DOLCE AND GABANA AD, ALREADY IN PROGRESS! Hell, they even have 1 percenters in Masks and sports cars, as Epoch by Gotan Project plays out!

As all parties are here in disguise, but here comes the Bishop in a Main character Energy Dress. Hartley goes to settle the score, breaking up the plan.

Hartley falls for Bishop's Provocations, trying to get information from each other in a ballroom scene -You will never be Bond, Rocky,  but Being a Bond girl is career Suicide, so Gal...go right ahead!

Hartley says the Bishop must have a Partner too, or at the very least is playing other agents. But Bishop points out, Hartley has no gun, no badge, and just had his career Control+X'd out of existence. Is he really going to arrest a wanted Fugitive in a room full of fugitives?

All the while, Disguised as a Server, Nolan at least got Voce's fingerprints. That's when he comes over to Bishop and Hartley. 

"Seeing you Dance with this man got my attention and has made me jealous"

"Every Bit of that Dance scene was filmed With you directly centre to keep my attention...

....Like that crap Disney Alien Film that was nominated at the Oscars, but was never going to win!"

So naturally Bishop is going to literally Charm the pants off Sotto and phone in there too! 

END OF PART 2!

(And now the Continuation of Ticket To Hell.)

The two deaths of E.THE FINAL CHAPTER PART TWO.

Chesed VS Herr Doctor 

EAMONN'S DIALOGUE IN BLACK

JOE-JACK'S DIALOGUE IN BLUE

SATANIC OSTRICH'S DIALOGUE IN RED

YUSEF'S DIALOGUE IN AQUA

COSMIC ENTITIES DIALOGUE IN GREEN 

EIGHTIES LAD DIALOGUE IN ORANGE

SABARU DIALOGUE IN GOLD

CHESED'S DIALOGUE IN PINK, UNDERLINED AND EMBOLDENED

HERR DOCTORS IN PALE GREEN

THE OUTLAW IN INDIGO

(In a shocking show of power, The Transformed Chesed, went from Malfunctioning Relic, to Cyborg Lifeform. Chesed, named after the Hebrew word for Kindness, had defaulted to her base programming, and after injecting herself  with some of Sabaru's Demon blood, used its Transformative power to Illicit a Rebirth. With this new power, the new God, would "Gift" Humanity fighting over resources and terrorities. With a Second Earth pulled from somewhere. 

Satanic Ostrich was recalled to Hell. They felt something was wrong, more than what just was happening in space. They looked over the Hellscape, and sure Enough, there was more sinners in his Hell, no doubt from this Earth. 

QUERIES SON PERSONAS?

We have a problem!

Worse than this?

Just as Bad! There are more Souls in Hell. I think if that Earth comes any closer we will not only have to deal with being crushed but also the fabric of time rewriting us in a Grandfather Clause. 

And it's just gotten mondo Worse!

How?

News Sites are going Ham! America claiming Any oil reserves on Other Earth.  The Kremlim are also claiming resources.  Palestine wants to claim some land as their own,  and Israel is threatening violence against them . More news bulletins breaking  in. Seems like everyone and it's momma wants a piece of that Pie!

My Gift to you,  Humanity,! An End to all your pointless wars, mo more Strife, no more hunger, no more Pestilence. Gif

Excuse me?

Ah yes, Herr Doctor. You are no longer a part of the  plan. In fact , in my Kinder Reality,  nothing that causes immature death will be permitted to exist. Humanity will live as long as they should,  free from the worries of fatality and want.

So yous want us to be nutting more dan fat pets pampered and relyin solely on ya? And wot abou ' da peep-pole on dat otha Earf? I bet they iz scared of wot's abou t'happen

....

Go back a minute. Go back to Ze Fact that You think me useless.  If you need a demonstration of mein skills,  by all means.  After all,  you are no longer bound to your canister. No more Weapons. And you are in a body that you have just acquired, and yet you not have fully understand it's strengths and limitations.  VOT ARE GOING TO DO TO ME, ESSENCE OF KINDENESS? CUDDLE ME TO DEATH?

Herr Doctor raised his arms. The tubes leading to the Plague Doctor's Canister of gas hissed and jostled on his back. He didn't move.  He didn't have to. He could just used let the gas do all the work. After all, he was a Minor Cosmic Entity,  one created to mark the passage of time. And what better for that cause than a big blow out disease every couple of years? Is that in bad taste five years on from Covid? To another human, yes, but not to Pestilence. To be Angry with him would be like telling the Sun not to rise and the Tide not to ebb and flow.

In fact he had this fight in the bag. Chesed was now a Living Being. A whiff of gas and she would be begging for her life. As he watched his cloud descend onto Chesed who made no movement at this point. He thought he had won. 

When the Cloud disappated, his eyes bulged behind his googles when he saw a Dome of wings, covering her body. 

Was Est Das? Nien!

The Wings opened back behind Chesed as she straightened up from her being on one knee to make herself low.

Pitiful. 

You asked me what I'm going to do to you?You joked to hide the fear. That I will hug you to death. You forget that I am an Appraiser of Will. My Siblings and I had hired you to be our bounty Hunter. 

But now, I'm not to sure. 

I think it's time for an Evaluation. 

NIEN! PLEASE! NO! LADY CHESED! NOT YOU! YOU USE TO BE SO WARM UNT GENTLE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! AN APPRAISAL ON ONE OF YOUR KIND!

Sorry Pestilence. You are not needed as your currently are. 

(Chesed emitted a pulse of energy which caught everyone. With a fearful jerk of their wrists, the myriad Cosmic Entities Created a barrier to protect every other person with, as seemed like the world came undone before them. Leaving Chesed and Herr Doctor standing in the Grey Area?

Holy Domain Expansion, Batman!

Wot is gonna happen to Bird-mask 

Is he gonna die?

iF hE iS nOT cAREFUL!

Appraisal Technique: Tribunal of The Sephiroth!

With a Rumble, a Judge's Pulpit grew around Chesed, overshadowing Herr Doctor by 10 feet. 

Let the Appraisal Begin 

(With the bang of a gavel, the world exploded with a Big bang. Herr Doctor was pulled into the event horizon to see the full expanse of Medical science history.  It was torture! It was the last thing Pestilence wanted to see, was a world that slowly didn't need him, and wouldn't be sad if he just stopped being. it was enough to draw the Will to live out of him.

The world reconstituted itself back into Ireland. The Doctor stood, stirred by having his soul put the ringer like it did.

After your assessment, Herr Doctor I find you...

(BANG!)

A shot blasted the gas canister on Herr Doctor's back. The gas flowed out of the small bullet wound, and caused the Doctor to deflate like a balloon that had being popped.

As he crumbed, behind him holding and aiming a six shooter, was the Outlaw skeleton Puppet who claimed to be Death. He pocketed his pistol into the holster.

Sorry Doc, I know you won't take this personally. But I just couldn't see you suffer.

Death turned to our heroes. 

And don't take this The wrong way. I'm not joining your posse to avenge my friend.  He'll be back when you fix this mess.  Oh and Satan? You're right.  I ain't Death,  but I have no obligation to you in tellin' you who I am til I feel like. And unless you want a quick funeral,  you'll let me leave. 

And they did. They watched the Cowboy themed Puppet based on Eamonn's earliest memories of Death, walk away literally into the sunset. And with it, more questions than answers still lingered.

But whatever The Outlaw truly was, it was a threat to be dealt with another time. But with the second Earth coming to crush this one, will there even be an "Another Time"?

To be finished next Monday. 

TICKET TO HELL 2026-RED NOTICE (AKA THE GOLDEN EGG FILM!) PART 1

( Ticket To Hell. The Two deaths of E.THE FINAL CHAPTER 

PART ONE, Births and Funerals.

to recap, our hero, A fictionized version of myself, was kidnaped by two bounty Hunters, one a German Plague Doctor and the other, a creature who took the form of a memory of something that frightened Eamonn as a child and claimed to be death. 

The ones who issued the bounty were Automatons called the Appraiser of Will, Creatures who are Equal to The Many Cosmic Entities we have seen before, but rather than those who play with the Souls of men like a Game, or mark the passage of time with Holidays, These Appraisers of Will, are Both Curators and Relics of their Realm of The Grey Area, the place concepts, ideas and even whole living beings, are taken to be Appraised. To be tested if their will to live is to be extended or left to run out. For a year, as one of the last few text reviewers, Eamonn is subject to humiliation and ridicule by Higher Alien beings.

Until one day doing his reviews, he stumbled on an Evolved power, Similar to The Devil's Dvd that Spurned the Story Starting all those years ago. He found freedom once again by reevaluating his powers, if bad films are no longer bound to physical items, he too must be digital, with the guidance of a mysterious voice, Our hero took power from this realm, and Cloaked in new 8-bit armour, he Became the Pilgrim of The Digital Frontier.

In our world, With Eamonn taken to the Grey Area, His disappearance was treated like a cover-up. Everyone who knew him, acted like he never existed, only by a series of mishaps that could be thwarted by Eamonn's Existence and some Cajoling by Ostrich, did Joe-Jack and the Visiting Cosmic Entities Remember Eamonn. Though the Return of Yusef, Joe-Jack's Counterpart from Earth-3 and the revenge of Sabaru and Eighties Lad when they returned from their Pocket Dimensional prison. 

After a skirmish, The heroes convinced the villians and Vigilante to a temporary truce for their own ends. Jusef to return home and Edwin and Sabaru who were convinced they had a given right to kill Eamonn to satisfy their revenge! With The Cosmic Entities powers they got to the Grey Area.  However, the Human members soon Succumbed to the Overwhelming Sense of Depression the Realm for forgotten things produces. But their fought through when they remembered their purposes. 

While they arrived to break Eamonn out, the Cosmic Entities, revealed there was more afoot with the Appraisers of Will. 

One of them Had Malfunctioned and is a Traitor. According to the Entities, one of them had reverted to its base emotions, rather than performing tasks properly. It was Chesed, the Being of Kindess, Eamonn's Ally into escape, who shocked everyone when she of all Creatures had hidden on her Model. What is Chesed's Endgame and surely what real harm can Kindess do to the world?

Chapter 2 will be after the Review section

AND FOR NOW,  BACK TO OUR SCHEDULED REVIEW!)

November the 21st 2021 (or November the 22nd If you were in Europe!)

WWE had it's Annual Survivor Series Pay-per-view in the Barclay's Centre in Brooklyn, New York.

As One of WWE'S "Big Five" Events, Survivor Series is an Important date on the Wrestling sphere's calendar.

But the 2021 edition was a day of greater Import.

25 years ago on this Night, "The Rock" would debut.

And the Rock Celebrated this fact....By Not turning up!

However, WWE Didn't just settle for showing clips of the Rock to pad the show, WWE would kill two birds with one Stone-Acknowledge the Milestone, while Providing Promotional consideration for Rock's new film at the time-Red Notice

So what happened Next Blew all the matches out of the water-This was so Bad, this segment is the only thing people remember. The Only thing they Remember is Vince McMahon's Limo and him greeted by a sea of Jobbers who heard him proclaim that The Rock gave him The Golden Egg From the Movie!

"AND EVERYONE HATED THAT!"

With his Advanced Age, his tired ideas and his sins Catching up with him, from 2022 to the year he was ousted 2024, Any stupid Idea and decision was Blamed on the Golden Egg Era!

Having a hate-boner for Muslims? Golden Egg!

Making Corpse-Poker a Champion? Golden Egg!

Firing 60 British Talents and treating their Contracts And Lives like a Tax Deductible? Golden Egg!

But why do we remember This Badly and not be Angry with other Wrestling Promotional Consideration?

Dave Bautista around at the same time, was in Army of the Dead and he didn't turn up on WWE either, instead WWE Promoted the film with a tag match where all the lumberjacks (Extras to ensure noone escapes the ring!) were Las Vegas-themed Zombies....

Including Zombie Elvis! (as the Premise of the film was a Bank raid in a zombie infected Vegas-It's terrible-So terrible I don't need to review it!)

But why do people Hate the Red Notice Promotion and not remember the Army of the Dead promotion?

well that's simple!

Batista is NOT The Rock!

On paper, Dwayne Johnson and Dave Bautista have comparable careers-Both have Headlined Wrestlemania, both have being world champions, Both have won the Royal Rumble and both went to Hollywood before retiring for good!

However the Rock is a bigger star, his era of wrestling was the hottest era with the WWF in a 3 company war for the hearts and minds of a whole generation.

Batista was from the Era straight after, while Wrestling didn't cool down quickly, It was the era where WWE was starting to monopolize the sport, TNA Was ran by a complete idiot, Ring of Honour would have it's stars go to WWE, and every so often Uncle Dave Melty-Head would get a tingle in his loins about some Untelevised Match in the Tokyo Dome!

But Did WWE's terrible promotion kill this franchise-Or has Red Notice done enough by itself?

Well let's finally check out this exhibition on Red Notice, But to see the artifacts you need admission (UN)luckily you have a.....TICKET TO HELL!

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 12 FOR VIOLENCE, INNUENDO, AND THREAT. THIS FILM IS INTENDED FOR AN ADULT AUDENCE, AND AS SUCH I WILL BE USING ADULT LANGUAGE, WHICH WILL BE CENSORED, DUE TO GOOGLE'S TERMS OF SERVICE!

Promotional art for this on Netflix is Rock The Dwayne, Gal Gadot and Ryan Reynolds posing, which is lame! 

We know this film is bad because it's formed from that Cradle of Evil since Time Immemorial-ANCIENT EGYPT!

"DIO'S THEME INTENSIFIES!"

As AI Nat Geo host Voice Drones on about the Abridged history of the love between Cleopatra and Mark Anthony, we go into the plot that the Roman general Gifted golden eggs to the female pharaoh, 2 were Found, 1 is on Display in Rome, the second has being auctioned Many times. Will we ever find the Lost third Egg?

That is up to whoever is working with scanning technology and Metalurgy to make a fake Golden Egg!

We get the title Drop and the Definition of what a Red Notice is-It's the highest level of arrest warrant issued by Interpol!

We cut to Rome, during a dramatic Car Chase, out of one car given a police escort is Johnson who is playing an Interpol agent who just arrived at a museum. 

Some British woman exposits that Johnson is Agent John Hartley, as museum staff even Doubt Hartley is a real Profiler. She continues that Hartley got word that the egg in the collection is to be stolen by one Nolan Booth, as informed by "The Bishop "-A Person the Curator says is nothing more than quote "A Boogeyman of the Art World, a Catch-All excuse, when Incompetent police can't find Thieves".

Using thermal cameras on the Egg at Display and Six class science, Gold Conducts Heat as well as electricity and Radiation, the thermal cameras shows the Egg is not white hot to yellow, But completely Blue on thermal cameras. In other words...

The Curator can't Believe he's being had, But when Agent Hartley finds a kid with a can of Coca-Cola. 

1) How Convenient to find an English speaker in Italy! 2) as Hartley said, Food and drink are not allowed in Museums, I've been to Statlely Homes that have been converted into Museums, and I can tell you that family would be thrown out and banned Verbally for not acknowledging the rules.

So Hartley Spills the Coke (All the while with logo facing the camera) and the Golden Egg Dissolves into Brown mush, all the while Nolan Booth (Reynolds) looks on as his crime is being foiled.

The agents call for the Viewing room to he sealed, just as Booth makes a run for it! Sorry Rocky, your athletic prowess is no match for Reynolds' Whippet like legs and being wirey enough to fit through door frames, as Hartley is now Stuck. A smoke bomb thrown by Booth only makes things worse,  Reynolds' Stunt double LE PARKOUR'S to Safety dealing with Security Guards with one giving a Wilhelm Scream out for good measure. 

Hartley has Booth at Gunpoint, With Booth stalling for time, The British Agent, Das, comes in shouting at Booth to move, (Wait that can't be right!) So The Thief smashes through a window like Father Jack and down a Conveniently placed Tube slide, with Hartley chasing him on the outside climbing across a ledge to an Equally Conveniently Placed Ladder. 

Speaking of Conveniently Placed, when Nolan steals a scooter, THERE JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE a Gala of some sort with some Well-To-Do Couple getting Paparazzied on front of a Ferrari, which Hartley steals. We get five seconds of Sabotage by the Beasty Boys, before the Ferrari is totaled by a Hippy Van!

Silly Rock The Dwayne! This isn't Fast and The Furious 28! Nolan gets away!

We cut to Bali, Indonesia 56 hours later-Thanks to a Caption. Nolan is on a speedboat sailing towards a beach resort, Where Booth enjoys his ill gotten gains, only for Hartley's Voice to echo behind him! And while he's out of his Jurisdiction,  He can inform local police, as a swat team, storm in and surrounding Booth. 

Booth is a complete idiot of a Thief, Proudly Displaying the things he has Stolen.

WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS? THE BRITISH MUSEUM?

Hartley Psychoanalyses Booth and Claims he commits crimes because his father never loved him.

Oh Yes!

The Elon Musk Syndrome!

Realizing "The Bishop" Betrayed him, Booth is arrested for his crimes. The Golden egg is put on a Separate Van from Booth, under the suggestion of Agent Das. And sure Enough the Egg is given to A swat member who is clearly a Shapely Caucasian Women even if most of her body besides Her eyes and hands are covered. 

AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW WHO WON THE PONY, BUT THE ONLY SIX FOOT CAUCASIAN WOMEN SWAT OFFICER IN ALL OF INDONESIA WAS GAL GADOT?

PART 2 WILL BE RELEASED NEXT WEEK!

(Eamonn's Dialogue and review in Black)

Joe-Jack's Dialogue in blue

Edwin/Eighties Lad's Dialogue in Orange

Saburu's Dialogue in Gold

The Cosmic Entities Dialogue's in Green

Yusef's Dialogue in Aqua

Chesed's Dialogue in Pink, Bolded and Underlined as to denote a sense of authority!

The 2 Deaths of E.THE FINAL CHAPTER 

Part 2. How Dangerous can Kindness Be? You'd be surprised.

To say the others we surprised by Joe-Jack's accusation, was an understatement. But as he explained that the Entities or "Da God Babbies" as he called them said the Malfunctioning Traitor was a "she" and since Binah, the other female voice tried to convince Chesed not to do whatever she planned to do.

She made an indignant noise. Then another. Then Another, soon she was repeating the same recording of the noise until it developed into a crazy laugh. Like one of Countess laughs. 

Bra(ehehe) vo! You Finally (Hehe) got it! Actually. Flip it. Reserve it. You got what I wanted. 

Before they could react, A Hidden grappling hook attached onto Sabaru. The limbs connecting point opened like a flower, and a pestil like Syringe drew blood, and as quick it fired, it retracted back to Chesed. 

"The power you have, to Create Life, not only because you are an organic Female, but your species' quirk to warp organic matter into your Minions under your sway. One fills me with Jealousy,  and the other Disgusts me."

The blood Bonded with the Embalming fluid that sustained the umbilical cord that is Chesed's true form. But the new mixture started to boil in the canister. She cried out in pain, but it was hard to feel sad for her when she then screamed in wild excitement. The cord turned into a few ova with was fertilized in the liquid, which was now an artificial womb. Even the inorganic parts were being transformed.  With her scream reaching its highest note. A light enveloped the pod, when the area illuminating light died down the pod was still glowing, but it was no longer a cylindrical machine, but something that warped into something humanoid. 

Glistening under a layer of residue fluid, after her Rebirth, Chesed picked up a smashed piece of her Glass Canister to peer at her new form. Taking a moment to admire her pink skin, and metallic golden pointed fingernails, she saw her new form. Brunette shoulder length curls that were topped with a flower garland, her hair framed her round soft features, a round face, a smooth chin, Full lips, dimpled checks and dangle earrings shaped like Astrolabes. In contrast to her warm, almost friendly face, was the coldest Harshest, Yellow-Brown eyes, hard and unfeeling like Quartz, where accented by false eyelashes which looked like Typebars for a typewriter. what started as a Sentient Umbilical cord, she was now a Curvy woman who looked like an adult, modestly dressed in a sari made of fleshy tentacles, of the same colour of dried blood, that contrasted with green accents of ivy bound on her bare footed legs.

But the transformation wasn't done yet. Sensing her Audience, she straightened up and bloody wings formed out of her shoulder blades and pointed down her back. 

It was Yusef who spoke first after a shrug and a sigh....

(Beat)

You know, the moment they start to transform and give themselves Iconography and a crown, they might as well, just put on a Sandwich board that says "Look at Me, I'm Evil!"

How very Cynical. I See you came from a World where your gods forsaken you. Do not judge me by their actions. Though I will forgive you for doubt all the same.

Oh very kind of you. However, it's Gods like you that made Worlds like mine. Gods who the fattened pigs of the Bloody Empire like to scream anthems that "God Saves" them. Like Empire and oppression is divine providence.

Sabaru turned to Eighties Lad, and got his attention

(Psssst, what's going on?)

(Long Story Short, Yusef is a Joe-Jack who comes from a world where the British Empire still rule) 

I see. Your Lack of Faith is due to Some of Humanity claiming the Expanse of God's Will to themselves and Themselves alone.

I will see what I can do.

With a squishy sound, the Flower above her forehead in her garland, turned into a third eye. Chesed was being transmitted news feeds her mind filled with images of starvation. With Protests and the Smug smiles and venomous words of Leaders less Self-aware than she was.

So, I see. You are a Species who are suffering.

You are fighting over resources you don't have for everyone. 

You are missing the point, yes there is suffering in the world, but we have the solutions already. Its just that not everyone will listen. 

If there was a Solution, you would have used it. No. IF I PROVIDE WHAT HUMANITY NEEDS, MORE OF IT! WHEN IT IS NEEDED, THEN I CAN TRUELY BE THE TRUE EMBODIMENT OF KINDENESS!

(Chesed raised her arm over her head, the sky darkened as the ground shook, something had appeared in Space that scraped past the surface of Mars. 

Edwin pulled out the 3d shades which projected the Images of what was coming towards us.

Dude, This Chick is Psycho!

tHIS iS a pLAY tHAT iS a dANGEROUS GAMBIT!

Jaysus! Iz Dat...what oi Fink it iz?

"Yes! The thing Chesed has summoned to Earth...."

(Everyone stared at the wormhole that had its contents float towards our planet. It was a sphere as big as our planet. When the sun shone on it, the realized why it was this size.)

".....Is Another Earth!"