Eamonn Reviews Crap Happens Episodes 4-6

 (PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...

Earlier this year, I started reviewing Crap Happens, a German Comedy Drama following the adventures of a wannabe rapper in Berlin, Who wasted his life following that dream.

When he learns of his Mother's death during a battle rap event, his anguish turned into art that got the attention of a record company executive, before leaving for the funeral in his childhood town of Schitten-On-Havel, (Literally the Ruder Translation of the Show's Name) a Southern State of America Coded town with Strange Shops, Evil One Party Mayors, and So much Baggage, You think it was it was the locker room of Ryanair's Staff! 

While at the funeral, he learned a few things, he has a son with his school sweetheart, and he has one week to write a song or the ADHD Laden Executive will lose interest, Compound all that with A Duckling who is also the narrator, who Toni adopted out of shame for accidently k*lling her parents, and a scheme by the Mayor to evict his family off their land, and it seems nothing for Toni Fliesh is ever straight forward.)

We start episode Four after the events of Episode 3. To Recap, Charley, Toni's Son tried to Get rid of his love rival For Sacha's attention (even though they are cousins) and Toni had to rescue them with the tow truck he inherited. While out, his Stepfather, Johnny, foolishly agreed to a 8am meeting with the Record Company. With nothing to show for a whole day of procrastination, he had the gall to blame his family for his own shortcomings. 

THIS REVIEW IS FOR A TV SHOW RATED 15 FOR DRUGS, VIOLENCE, SEX, WHICH WILL BE DOWNPLAYED AND LANGUAGE WHICH WILL BE CENSORED. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. 

EPISODE 4-The Circle of Stress

....And that is what leads us to Toni Finally back in Berlin, but not in the way he wanted, in the Offices of Cutie Heart Records (and Pacemakers) International, Half Asleep and Half Assed, knowing full well he's about to blow yet another shot at fame, but this trash fire will make the others look like Weenie Roasts.

It doesn't help that his Boss at the Pizza Place, rapped some Pizza Jingles to Dahlia Muller-Muller to buy Toni some time....and he got Signed! He even has a music video!

Say "Dream Sequence" Right Now!

So it's Toni's Meeting up next and Dahlia is Full of it! She doesn't see the Irony of signing a Pizza man Rapping about Pizza and goes and calls  Toni's work "Niche"

Case in Point, The Worst song that's like a parody of Spoken Word, anti-Modern, Bob Dylan in his prime put through SoraAi gets Dahlia's attention. 

"AH HA'E D' GOV'RMEN'! MO' THAN YOU N' ME! D' GOV'RMEN' STO' MAH GOL'FISH, N' UNPLUG'D MAH TEE-VEE"

PSYCHE!

Dahlia is angry that Toni slacked off with his kid than take this seriously. 

You call attending a funeral "Slacking Off"? How Heartless-maybe you do belong in the Music Industry!

Dahlia gets angry with Toni and gives him 3 days to Bring her a hit! 

"And To show how Serious I am...YOU NOW HAVE 2 DAYS!"

So maybe it's time to explain WHY Veronica Ferres wants the land Toni's Home is on. In the Late Wera's Vegetable garden is a Strange plant, a plant That the Mayor's Son, Sergey, Discovered is a New Recreational Dr*g. Owning the land and having it backed by an Unmatched Polictical Dynasty, means they can bank roll research into the plant to expand into a Dr*g Empire to stay In power. Soon Sergey is cutting a deal with Marc Weissman, A Dr*g  dealer to "Deal With" The Flieshes.

Toni Still Angry and still Blaming Charley for his own laziness, Tells his son to "Shut Up!" This triggers Toni's quirk that if he feels guilty, his body refuses to let him eat!

He turns to see his creep of a Stepfather, Johnny on an exercise bike, in very little. He tells Toni what he just did, and that was set off the "Circle of Stress" the Plot device of this episode. Which is explained as such- A chain reaction caused by the Wronged Party (I.E. Charley) who will make Stressful Actions to others that will increase in scale, until it returns to Toni.

It starts when Charley, not over Sacha seeing Kobi, in his Aunt's Police barracks kiss Kobi and in his rage, locks them both in the Holding cell they snuck off to, with Kobi needing to use the bathroom. It gets worse for Charley when he uncovers Weissmen's Smuggling Job where he had set up Porkchops over the Purple foil packaging to confuse Sniffer Dogs. In a plan to get Toni to spend time on the advice of his mother via phone call, he slashes the tyres when he sees the Hood has parked in a Tow Zone.

Toni tries to deal with this Sensibly by spending time with Charley, Not Knowing about the Awful things he just done. When Weissmen Calls about getting towed because Wolves Smelled this Porkchops, Toni refuses to help because Weissmen is interrupting his "art".

"OH, IT'S ART!"

The next recipient of the Circle of Stress is Paulie, the Teacher of every afterschool club, all at once! But he has his own Problem, the Drama Club doesn't know what To Perform for the School Play this year and that's when His Portly Saviour, his "Best Friend" Waddles in!

Paulie is Also Annoyed by the lack of Effort from his friend, so like a teacher would, Toni will not leave the school til he's Done!

This brings out Nancy, Toni's Policewoman Sister and Sacha's Mother, coming across Weissman's car, the moment he is repacking his product after throwing out the Pork to save himself. Finding an errant Purple Foil packet, she hits Weissmen with her baton when he resists, but he was faking it and ran into the woods, only to be snitched by his Duolingo, causing the biggest Arrest in Nancy's Career!

Back at School, the Gym Floor is filled with Paperballs of Failed Lyrics. Paulie who worshipped Toni like he was going to make it, can't believe it "Were We Always that Sh*t? What was Different Then? What Did we have back then, that we Don't right now?"

They Decide the Answer is "W**d" and what better place to find some, than a High school in a Kip-hole Country Village!

And it means Once again Toni has Abandoned Charley, so he finds Sacha had escaped but it meant Kobi had to embarrass himself by Soiling himself in front of her. Sacha says she never wants to see Charley again, if she can help it, so she quits the school band. Charley is pissed and the circle of Stress is about to close back onto Toni.

At the very Least, Toni does Help Paulie with Inspiration that the school Play will be Armageddon, (The last episode revealed Toni is obsessed with the 1998 film) In his Induced State he is convinced he has a hit. Back in the towing Company, Johnny Gives his Step "Grand Sonny-Boy" Advice. We also learn Johnny Cararea is not Mexican, But From a German town Pronounced as "MEH-HE-KO!"....Which is obsessed with Mexican Culture! But the Advice is rambling Nonsense, Which Charley interprets as "Do what you have being doing, but Bigger!"

 

At the Police station, Nancy naively calls Mayor Veronica to get permission to start an Investigation into the Mystery Dr*g, not knowing Weissmen is on her payroll, Weissmen has a nervous breakdown, as Legally Distinct "And I Dont Want To Miss A Thing" plays out in the background as he reveals he was once Germany's Charter Pediatric Heart Surgeon.

OK CALLING IT NOW! I KNOW LOT OF LINES IN A SURREALIST STYLE SHOW ARE SAID JUST TO BE SAID, BUT I'M CALLING THAT....

FORESHADOWING!

So, Nancy is shocked that Wiessmen is acquitted and Practically Chauffeured by Ferres' Limousine back to the capital. But Nancy had pocketed a Purple Foil Packet for her own Investigation. 

The Next Morning Toni Goes to the Kitchen to Find Charley, only to get a Phone call that Charley is Supposedly Kidnapped!

EPISODE 5-Rick Schmadke

Taking the Stunt Seriously, Toni Drives off into the Forest after being held up at the Tumbleweed Crossing. A funny And Clever Subversion of a Classic. He reaches the Bridge to see Charley held at Gunpoint by a man in a Lucha Mask.

A German who thinks he's a Mexican, who knows both by name?

GEE, I WONDER WHO THAT COULD BE (?)

Sure Enough, Johnny was Roped into the scheme by Charley.  The Gun is even made of Chocolate!

Toni once again tries to Reilliterate the pressure he's under. It's Just a shame that Tupac The Duck tells the Audience that Charley is more of a Psycho than we can possibly Imagine!

Driving back, Tupac asks Toni to turn on the Radio. The Frustrated songwriter doesn't see the point, but that's when EXPOSITION NEWS FM, PLAYING YOUR PLOT POINTS ON THE HOUR, EVERY HOUR!, Tells us about that for the fourth year in a row,  Rick Schmandke, Local Producer and Germany's Premier Hip-Hop mogul has won German Rap Producer of the year. Not only is he Local, but he has a track record for making hits, Despite being Eccentric, but that's par the course when Vacuum cleaner museums and CGI Ducks are the norm.

Not only did Toni inherit his mother's Tow business, But also her gold-plated Trabi, which he will gift to the Gold obsessed Schmandke to produce him a hit!

You'd think Dahlia would know of Germany's most Famous Hip Hop Mogul being from Schitten-On-Havel, But hey, what do I know?

Back on the Bridge Charley is stewing in his anger, because he still wants to enter the Father-Son Paddleboard Limbo competition. Johnny won't enter because he was front and centre to the "Paddleboard Massacre of 2017"

"19 souls felt Misfortune that day"... he meant the Misfortune of paying full price for a out of town Chiropractor. 

Leaving the Towing company open for Ferres' Underworld Stooges to break in, Johnny gets a warning from his security program, Pedro. He bolts but Charley remains to marinate in Anger, especially when Kobi turns up! 

Johnny returns to see Toni Took the Golden Trabi, which was Hooked up to the Alarm. 

We were told that when Wera won a Collegiate Shot putting competition, she won the only Golden Trabi ever made. When she chose to settle down over a Sports career, the Trabi became a Family Heirloom and a symbol of family pride. And it's Theft has summoned Wera's Ghost back to this plain, she tells her husband what happened and how to help Toni be a better father to Charley.

"The only thing a Millennial will understand: an Intervention."

HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD NAME FOR AN EPISODE!

Driving to a Gilded Mansion, Schmandke Refuses at first until he sees the Trabi.

Kobi Spies his Enemy Spying on Him, but he's still oblivious to Charley's hatred Towards him, despite making him Crap his Trousers last Episode. 

Schmandke listens to Toni's raps and Surmises what we already know,  he's terrible and he's Stressed. But he will help Toni-Just only how you'd expect a Cult leader wannabe to "Help"

Rick plays some of his beats that Toni likes the sound of, But Rick refuses to give him any because Toni won't let Schmandke Psychoanalyse him.

Back in Schitten, Johnny goes to the Barracks/Salon to get Nancy's Help for the Intervention. But learns that Nancy has Given up on investigating the Dr*g ring and is Despressed by it. Throwing her Foil packet in the waste basket.

Charley rings Toni under a Private Number, Upping the ante by claiming Charley is De*d. Toni hangs up. And it doesn't help that Kobi and his father offer to take Charley Paddleboarding after winning the competition in the most Innocent, but still Condescending way Imaginable. Leading Charley to enter the Father-Son Paddleboard Limbo competition by himself, Something that causes Tupac to Call Forward that this ended in disaster. And it's a Back Injury after the second obstacle that causes him to fall into the water on a Competition that is televised to Schitten via Ferres' Public Access Channel. 

Back in the mansion, Rick tells Toni his problem is his family. He couldn't write coming back because his family holds him back. Citing Himself, A Successful Inc*l, as proof. Toni tries to Recruit Toni's Twin Sisters, Kaia and Karo at the shooting range,  But as evidenced by them shooting a photo of Johnny, they hate him as much as they hate Toni.

Back at the Golden Mansion, Rick Writes the Word "Family" on a Golden Punching Bag, Which Schmandke tells Toni to punch, which causes him to flinch, because, Duh, Solid Gold 

Punching Bag! A Doctor Dee Snuts...

...Calls Toni to Report Charley's Accident. Toni Believing it's another Asinine Prank, Hangs up telling him he doesn't care about his family anymore! Being the Thing Rick wanted to hear, Toni agrees to Drink a Buzzard Egg/Bull Tranquilizer Cocktail to send him on a Vision Quest. 

And what Kind of Egg was it?

A GOLDEN EGG, PAL!

In the Vision, he is flying with a Golden Buzzard, as a Song plays out in Toni's Voice that doesn't exist yet. He Destroys Visions of Wera and Johnny, But the Vision of Charley is more resilient. It's only when the Buzzard and Toni Combine into one to k*ll Charley's Vision, Does Toni regain consciousness and "Buzzard's Advice" is recorded. Toni had Sold Out as his family is about to Suffer.

EPISODE 6-THE INTERVENTION 

To drive the point home that Toni is all in For Rick's Philosophy,  Bob (Rick's Sound Engineer who was Kidnapped by Rick 2 years ago, Suffers From Stockholm Syndrome and became The Renfield to Rick's Dracula!) Kills a ladybird with his motorbike with Toni In the Sidecar. (Ladybirds being The Analogy Used by Rick for "The Little People")

Can I just say it's very hard to write up a Surrealist Show in a Concise manner without reading Spoilers to what is a Point Plot and what is a Big Lipped Alligator Moment? 

That Ride in the Bike was To Schitten with the intent for Toni to tell his Family off, Not knowing he Rode into a Trap.

Speaking of Traps, The Twins along with a Woman named Doris who was taking her Driving Lesson with Karo as her Instructor and couldn't cancel in time, Because why not?, are lured to the barn because they were promised Tacos. They also admit something is wrong when Tupac waddles home all by herself. Paulie arrives with a Buzzcut like 1998 Bruce Willis in a Orange Jumpsuit. So looks like the Teacher plays the starring role in the school play and not the kids?

There's always one isn't there?

A more Irish Thing would be the P.E Teacher being the Player-Coach.

We also have another new Character in Nancy's Husband Jorg. He's A Dentist. And that's all we Are Given. And that's the beginning and end of him. He is Jorg the Dentist. And he will use Dentistry phrases and puns to drive that home!

Nancy starts Sniffing the Air like a Bloodhound and Realizes it's a Trap. Johnny arrives and reveals its an Intervention for someone Consumed by Their Work. So Nancy Assumes it is her Intervention!

Johnny Tells the Other's that Charley Nearly Drowned Yesterday Because of Toni, He's out of Hospital, But he's currently sleeping off his injuries, But he may never Truly Trust his Father again. Just then, Toni, High on himself (And possibly, Still High on Bull Tranks!) Enters to give The Family the Big "I AM!"

After Learning Charley is injured, He sits down,  Unfortunately Jorg, Paulie, And Doris, The woman who was taking a Driving lesson and was Roped into this, who is pregnant and doesn't know who the Father is, aren't exactly shining examples of parenthood. Toni Defends himself that Charley was pranking and annoying him to do something he didn't want to do, Even Pretending to be a Fake Doctor called "Dee Snuts ". Like who would be stupid-And out of the shadows is Doctor Dee Snuts and he Does indeed sound like Charley doing a Mickey Mouse Voice. And for added Comedic Effect, He is Built like an Olympic Athlete. He runs off Crying about his voice, As Johnny asks Toni if he felt Good Making fun of Dr Philip Dee Snuts.

Phil Dee Snuts

They learn that Toni Stole the Trabi and that gets a Response. Paulie is the only one overjoyed that Toni made a hit with a Producer like Schmandke and Demands to Hear it, The Music is So Powerful it turns the Barn into a rave and everyone bar Johnny is Enthralled to Dance. It takes All of Johnny's Will power and anger to Shut off the Record player when the music takes over his body.

Toni says what had just happened is proof enough he always had it in him, but no one in the family ever thought he could, but he is not allowed to leave for Berlin until the Intervention is over. 

Some Scenery Chewing Extra comes in to air his Grievance that he paid Toni five Marks to paint his fence but never did. He leaves with 10 Euro.

"SIMPSONS DID IT FIRST"

This is the Right time For the Audience to find out how Toni Ruined Karo's Wedding 8 years ago, to which Toni asks "Which one?"

8 years ago, in this Very Barn, Kaio and her Girlfriend Tenzin were married and promised music by Toni at the Reception, but he never turned up, it was also the day Nancy gave birth to her fourth daughter prematurely.  Toni points out that was Karo's Fourth Wedding, and she has been married 3 more times since. Toni surmises The Flieshes just can't pick good partners. Nancy asks what does he mean by that, and Toni calls Jorg a "Wet Rag" only to point to Him to show an actual wet Rag with Glasses in his seat. I wrote a full Deposition of Whether Jorg was Real or not, and who the Father of Sacha and her Sisters actually is, only to learn this was a 5-minute scene to set up a "Has Anyone Seen My Glasses?" Joke.

Everyone starts shouting all at once, And Toni's Two Devils on his shoulders In Rick and Bob, reminding him that his family will only drag him down. He shouts "Enough!" And goes to systematically destroy every bond he had, even Doris, who he just met is left reeling. They are nothing more than a bunch of Jealous Hill Jacks with Nothing to live for.  That's when a Voice behind Toni Asks...

"WHAT ABOUT ME?"

And it's Charley standing Behind his father. 

Charley Realizes that Toni is what he always was: a Rapper with A Dream. And A Son was Never Part of it! Toni packs his Record, His things and Tupac into the Tow truck and leaves for Berlin, presumably for the last time.  Nothing will stop him now, not even the Tumbleweed Crossing!

Nancy Reeling from being called a Lackey, decides she will uncover the Dr*g Ring under her Nose, all by herself. She does a CSI Montage on the Bluetack with a Smiley face and gives Ferres her findings. Veronica is furious Sergey didn't destroy any evidence and fires Nancy on the spot!

Toni returns to Cutie heart Records (and Pacemakers) International. This time as a Conquering Hero, nothing will stop him from winning now. So, when Dahlia loses her mind over having a Super Hit, The Episode Ends with the Shock giving Toni a Heart Attack!

And That's when we Leave it for a while, just as it was getting good. And it'll be June when we return to Schitten-On-Havel to finish the series. Why? Well, remember when I would review The French Series Code Lyoko and return to it in July for Bastille Day? Well June's Feast Day for the Patron saint of Germany, Saint Boniface, is celebrated in June. As for next Month, The Christmas Special is Next. As we cap off the Year with a one of the many Retellings of the Wizard of Oz, with Christopher Lloyd as the Wizard in The Witches of Oz.

CREDITS 

Crap Happens was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham 

With Media from:

Crap Happens 

Animaniacs

The Simpsons

Austin Powers in Goldmember 

New Japan Pro Wrestling 

The Original Source of the Deez Nuts Video

WWE Survivor Series 2021

Deshawn Raw's YouTube channel 

All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners. 

Crap Happens is produced by Warner Bros International (Germany) For Netflix.

Halloween special 2026 The Gourmet Detective (Pilot)

Hello and Welcome to my Halloween Special. But one made under False Pretenses, this was Actually Drafted in August. And I am telling you this just in case you point out I give MLW hell about not disclosing about being prerecorded. At least I can admit it!

Let Me Explain. 

Today's Review is Something a Little Different, but keeping in the Spirit of Halloween. We've Done Horror, we've seen Monsters, Zombies, we've Done Sci-Fi and we can't call ourselves a Bad Film Review site without reviewing an Asylum Film.

But One Angle on the Spooky Season we haven't touched upon yet is Mystery. 

And while Legend had crammed every Genre on its channels, to find a Horror film on their channels is nigh impossible, it's our old friends behind Pop, Narrative Entertainment, who have come to the rescue with the Free to Air Great! Mystery channel on Sky. But I had to wait til the pilot cycled back into being shown again. There are only 5 films, so doing the pilot now on the chance it doesn't get repeated is why this was Reviewed months in advance. 

As the home of Murder Mystery on Sky (other than Alibi, which is a paid channel) Great Mystery is the home of Hallmark Channel Style TV Films, the Kind of Programs that would have been shown after Daytime tv and put before the lunchtime news. The kind of show littered  between Cookery and Gardening shows, The Kind of Shows you would put on TV in a Carehome Dayroom to entertain the residents. You know, shows like Murder, She Wrote, Fr. Brown and Hamish Macbeth, Shows with Mystery, but Shows that are so Slow paced with lovely scenery and Comforting music, it will cause you to yawn just by watching it.  The excitement is so little in a package so bland, it feels like a single Speck of Black Pepper in a bowl of Mashed Potatoes!

Which Brings me to Choosing this series, Great has a LOT! Of these Cheesy TV Movie Mystery films-Aurora Teegarden, the Garage Sale Mysteries, but this one held my heart Strings a little more-The Gourmet Detective, based on the Books by Peter King.

I Love Mystery.

I Love to Eat.

What could go Wrong?

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW IS OF A FILM RATED PG, WITH MURDER, SUICIDE AND INNUENDO. DESPITE THE RATING, THIS FILM IS INTENDED FOR AN ADULT AUDIENCE.

Recorded from a TV Taping, so no review of Cover or Artwork.

We Open with a Robbery at a Stately Home turned Restaurant as a hooded Figure in black steals files from an office and disables cameras. They go into the restaurant's walk-in fridge, pulling a Bin aside to keep the door open to stop them freezing to death.

Walk in Freezer Doors can be opened on the inside to prevent deaths. The only person who wouldn't know that would be someone who never worked in a kitchen and Spoilers-every suspect belonged to the Restaurant Industry. In an Act of Sabotage, the Figure lets loose Cockroaches and Rats into the fridge unit and Dining Area. A convenient Flashlight Shines on a Newspaper Clipping telling us this restaurant being attacked is Chez Duquette. No doubt the Duquette family were stupid enough to be interviewed by our old friends....EXPOSITION NEWS! The pinned Photo has a meat cleaver thrown at it.

SYMBOLISM!

We cut to a Chinatown market in San Franciso, as we meet Our Title character, Henry Ross (Dawson's Creek's Dylan Neal), Gourmet Social Gadfly and Cookery Supply Teacher. He's actually buying ingredients for a last-minute class he's been hired for. We then see Overworked uncomprising Detective Maggie Price (Brooke Burns), yelling down her phone with a bag of pre-made meals, she trips and spills a whole bag of tomatoes.

Back to Henry, he is also a consultant to a blogger named Lucy, who will act like his Fact-checker and assistant, as while Henry is no doubt an Epicurean Expert, he needs someone tech-savvy to manage his Contracts. And if it means trips to Vegas and Hotel stays, Why Not have him work for you? We learn Maggie is a Divorced mother with a daughter, a mother, and a Hit-and miss Romantic life-Because of course she is. Back to Lucy and Henry, Lucy tells her consultant he got a call from Peter Duquette calling about needing his help. Henry will drop everything after his cooking class to aid his Mentor.

AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW, WHO BURNED THE MASCARPONE? But the Restaurant where Maggie is having her date, is also the restaurant, Henry is Teaching his class! Kind of cheap to go to a restaurant to cook As a Couple, but given the age and Circumstances, the Fella is also a divorcé and brought her here to show that he can be a providing Househusband for his Prospective Second Wife.

Henry is introduced as "The Gourmet Detective" Meaning he has done cases before. That kind of Upsets Maggie to Hear him been called that. She calls him out on it and he explains, he is not so much of a detective, as more of a Trade Faciliator, Contracted to replace ingredients with cheaper ones and speculate Food Markets and the like, and the name stuck, even though it's wrong. Maggie still has issues with the guy who is essentially lying about being in her line of work.

Best Drop this Early.

First They hate each other, then later in 2 film's time, they'll Love each other...

Naturally, Maggie's Date Is Really hopeless at cooking, So Henry always makes extra, which is great because Maggie hasn't eaten anything all day, probably because she wasn't expected to cook her own dinner! She does Complain about his use of obscure ingredients, which she would never look for in her busy life. But Henry says he focuses on every little detail so you don't miss the obvious, like Maggie's date having the hob at a high level. Maggie can't believe she just got detective tips from a Poser and a Glorified Booster! She calls out his so-called deductive powers only for Henry to reveal he has Sherlock Holmes levels of reasoning. He even has Maggie number that she is not over her divorce and only dating to make her daughter happy.

Maggie comes home to check on her daughter and tells her it's over. It was doomed from the start-The Guy didn't even get a name! Abby asks If her father will appear for her chess game, but he probably won't!

We cut to the Next morning as Henry meets with the Duquette family, laughing and joking as they eat fish tacos.

Clearly a family Courting Financial Ruin and at their wits end! 

Peter hires his former Protege to investigate Chez Duquette on the night of a big Gala. If Peter did go to the police, the Rat infestation would become public knowledge and they would be forced into closure, exactly what the saboteur wants. 

At the Night of the Gala, we meet all the main suspects. First, and because the young woman with Peter needed a name, it's revealed to be Pauline Duquette, Peter's Niece and General Manager. Raymond Bishop, Peter's Brother-in-law and Rival, who heads a Restaurant monopoly. They are feuding for so long for some reason, that not even their own niece  knows! Next is Klaus, The Head Chef who is Annoyed by the constant pranks and Sabotage in his kitchen. Klaus tells Henry the Rats were planted the day before Health inspection, and the day was marked In the calendar, meaning this was an inside job! 

Our fourth Suspect is Leyton Leopold, A rival chef who works for Raymond Bishop's Filmore Bistro, who beefs with a Sally Aldorn, a Cookbook writer who rubs Cocky Chefs like Leyton the wrong way. 

Henry spies 2 men passing a USB drive to each other, but before he can Trail them, Bishop finds Henry.  Turns out Bishop has also been the victim of the same problems Chez Duquette are having. Or is it a cover to not arouse suspicion?

The Guests are called to Dinner, and we get interplay with all our Suspects. Leopold calls out his boss, for not giving him free reign over the Filmore Bistro, to which Raymond tells Leopold if he doesn't like it, "Buy Your own Restaurant ". Pauline calls out her uncle for being too basic. At the table is the man with the USB drive, he has a Texan Accent, knows Sally personally (or intimately), who names himself Ian Jenkins, Investigate Reporter. After everyone eats the main course Surf and Turf Steak and Lamprey Eel, Jenkins is about to make an announcement, if only he didn't drink poisoned Champagne to clear his throat!

See, this is why as a Reporter who need notes or Speech cards on your person, should things like this happen!

With a Murder on site, Maggie is called to Chez Duquette, turns out, but unsurprisingly, an Investigate Reporter has made powerful enemies including Former Deputy Mayor Not-Appearing-In-This-Film!

Maggie brings In Henry Ross as a witness, though she starts to badger him when he has opinions on what killed Jenkins, Namely the Natural Botulism from Lamprey Eel. And since Toxicology hasn't issued results yet, Henry accidentally made himself a person of interest. However the D.A. just found Henry's Bio and they interested in his Knowledge and Connections, making him a top Suspect...that is if he did it, which he hasn't, but given the Cops don't know their Ar*e from their Elbow Marconi when it comes to food, the Gourmet Detective is now a paid consultant on Maggie's Case.

The next morning, Maggie plans on scaring Henry off the case by sending him to the morgue. He's late because he's being preparing a Gourmet Coffee morning for his new clients,  Coffee that was made by feeding Monkeys coffee beans and farming the spit. Causing Maggie to spit hers!

PLEASE~!

That's tame considering The Creation of Kopi Lowak is MUCH WORSE! Google it if you have a strong enough Stomach!

AND OH MY GOD! Henry even mentions Kopi Lowak by name!

Maggie is Enjoying seeing Henry squirm in the Mortuary. The Doctor reins them both in to tell them Jenkins Died from Botulism from Eating Lamprey Eel. However, the amount of Lamprey Eel Poison in Jenkins exceeds that of the meal he ate, meaning he must have been drip feed Lamprey Poison for hours before the Main course Eel finished him off!

After getting on each other's nerves, they go over the facts with DCI Bailey. Henry Rules out Chef Klaus, given his attention to care with his dish to a level that none of the mains, even the victim's, couldn't be tampered with. Henry has his own suspect, one that was overlooked-Oliver Page, the TV chef, and the man who gave Jenkins the USB in the first place. The Police ask "What USB?"

You Didn't check the Dead Man's Pockets for clues-WHAT IS THIS? KEYSTONE COPS?

At the news station where Jenkins was fired from, they find a Cork Board with all the Suspets on it, there are also a couple of post-it notes with the one catching Their attention is one that reads TODD ARMAUD on it. Another reads A. SCARLARI $350. Ian Jenkins actually got Oliver Page Fired from this very Studio, Could the motive be revenge? Maggie doesn't believe so if they were still Chummy. They go to Oliver's home, knock on the door and find it open. With Gun drawn Maggie goes inside and finds Oliver on the floor, knocked out but still alive.

As Maggie get Oliver some water, she notices a tumbler filled with some Liquor and marked with Lipstick. She asks About the USB, Which was collected from an Alex Scarlari, Jenkin's regular Photographer, who was mentioned on the board. When Questioned about his cancelled show, Page says he was Burned out and it tanked his marriage. Jenkins writing a scathing review caused the board to fire Jenkins themselves.

Bailey tells our heroes that Jenkins' pockets are clean, No USB was found, Prints were found on the tumbler however, going back to Pauline Duquette.

When confronted with her uncle present, Pauline Confesses to wanting to Hire Page to front a Culinary School, Much to Duquette's Anger. Oliver lied about Pauline Solely because he wanted to save his marraige, and having a drunken affair with Her wouldn't have help things!

Getting into contact with Alex Scarlari in Italy, He was paid $400 to photograph everyone at the party and Nothing else, that brings up the other Post-it Notes. Noone knows who Todd Armaud is Or 12-930. maybe it's not a time frame. The vitctm died on the 12th, maybe he had an appointment for 9:30 that Morning?

Henry had an Epiphany, Maybe Jenkins wasn't the Target. Maybe Raymond Bishop planned the whole thing to get his rival Out of Business, Planting seeds of Similar Sabotage to Cover his tracks. 

They Question Bishop at his home....and are shocked to see Peter Duquette. 

Turns out the "Rivalry" is worked Like A Professional Wrestling Angle, they are Buddies, The Rivalry Came out of a Reporter misquoting a Teasing Critique and the two ran with it for 40 years.

Back to Square One in a Diner, Henry tells Maggie he owes Peter for teaching him the greatest lesson of all: How to keep The Common Touch. When Henry Returns home, taking a call from Lucy, he Finds a Warning- A Butcher knife stabbed down into his cutting board. And if he missed the point-a cut out newspaper message was pinned to the knife. Since every Suspect knows Henry personally and professionally, it could be anyone!

Henry refuses to Tell The police, since it will take him off the case. Plus his mentor is still in danger. 

Henry gets a call, Maggie has being searching the Internet and found a photo of Sally and Jenkins at a Fundraiser together, looking very much like a couple. Sally Aldorn just topped the Suspect list. Sally's Book launch is tonight,  they can question her there.

Before the launch, Henry is at Maggie's house trying to convince her family This Is Totally Not A Date, Maggie comes down in a Racy White Number and Henry Doesn't Beat The Allegations. 

It's The Launch Party For Sally's Book, Culinary Conspiracy. Trapped in a Lie, Sally knew she would be Suspected Solely on Just Being Ian's Girlfriend. So Henry traps her in another lie, telling her he heard a Rumour about her being scouted by another publisher, and it makes her spill about Leighton Leopold. She Claims that since his boss has his thumb on the scale, he wants to print his own recipes that Raymond Bishop denies him from cooking, Leighton Had Come into Money recently Raymond was "convinced" to retire.

Having a Strong Lead, Henry wants to tackle Leighton at Filmore Bistro kitchen right now, But Maggie wants to go home, She sees too little of her daughter as it is, Not that a Childless Bachelor with Too Much Free Time To Wine and Dine Could Ever Understand.

So Henry makes it up to her when he returns from her Sunday Run....by making her family breakfast out of the blue.

He offers to make her an Omelette. So she flatly asks for an Omelette With Everything which he makes and she enjoys. Granted Maggie doesn't explode out of her clothes like A Defeated Enemy in Food Wars, or claims she will now take her Eggs Inseminated, But She's Warming up to him. But Henry says Maggie is right about one thing; Besides Cooking, he has nothing!

Once he washes up, Henry Brings out a replica Murder Board. He is Convinced the Sabotage at The Filmore Bistro happened first with The Sabotage at Chez Duquette was LATER As a Distraction! They go to collar Leopold, only for him to leave a voice message that claims he is about to "End It All!"

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SCENES OF SUICIDE

They Find Leopold, dead in his home. Apparently after committing Sui**de and confessing to Murder. Using the Supposed Feud to take Suspicion off him, Jenkins a Reporter would know the Truth that the Rivalry is a pantomime should this be found out, had to go. Leopold an expert fisher with his own boat, knew how to extract Lamprey Extract to add to Champagne to ply to Jenkins, slowly exposing him to Botulism and making the Eel Dish look like the Murder Weapon. While they don't find the poison, they find pictures his boat and the USB Drive.

But Something doesn't sit right about the Voicemail and the application of poisoned Champagne. While Maggie has some family time with her daughter, she gets a call from Bailey. the detective tells her, they found a photo that doesn't belong with the photos of the Gala. Henry has a flashback to the post-it note when he sees a business card pinned to fridge next to the photo of Leighton's boat. It was not TODD, It was T.C.D.D Hastily written, TCDD Been a Merchant bank on Armaud street. IT WAS NOT A NAME, IT WAS AN ADDRESS! Armaud Street is in the Financial District where that Clock Tower is, and you don't need a sound mixer to hear that, Meaning Leopold was Killed Elsewhere and Forced to Confess and send a message at One O'clock, when the Clock Chimed Twice in the voicemail, meaning Messages where Spliced by a third Player. And this Player Played Everyone to scam Money from the other suspects with fake Fundraisers and the promise of being a franchise of culinary schools and Ready Meals, to scupper both Filmore and Duquette empires and use their resources to do so. The only person a man could never refuse Drink from-A LADY! In the photo is a couple kissing outside the Clock Tower.

The Late Leighton Leopold and his Secret Lover...and His K*ller....and Ian Jenkins' k*ller....PAULINE DUQUETTE!

So it was Really Pauline who served Drink poisoned with Eel Extract, supplied by her lover. So Henry tells her that rather than deny it all they have to do is test for Eel Poison, A poison so virulent, it's no doubt eating away at her hands. So Pauline Draws a gun on them, Replacing her unarmed gun with Maggie's loaded Gun. How did you fall for such weak ruse?

Maggie is Cuffed with her own gear to a radiator and Henry is kidnapped. Luckily Maggie has a second gun and she shoots herself free, Alerting Detectives Bailey and Monroe outside.

Pauline is surrounded and his confronted to Confess about the two person scam to devalue both restaurants so they could sell them cheap, and used Sally's and Ian's Money to expand into a Corporate Food Empire, But Leighton Chickened out when Ian Jenkins was about to expose them, So Leighton had to be silenced, Maggie and Henry argue like a married couple when Pauline Is arrested. But he turns up at Abbey 's Chess game when her father does not.

AWWW! THEY DO LOVE EACH OTHER!

I MUST BE A ROBOT!

THIS FILM IS SHOCKINGLY BORING FOR A MURDER MYSTERY!

One question that most people have when they reveal actors for new detective shows and movies is "Why Do they Give these roles mostly to Comedians?" 

And that is simple-Death is a grim subject. And you need levity, Be it from the Goofy Premise of the show's Gimmick, the writing of a policeman been annoyed with the main character, a regular side character who exists to be the comic relief.

Sometimes the Murder can be hilarious, but you risk Jumping The Shark by doing this!

Of course the next choice for casting a star for a detective drama is a dramatic actor. 

Dylan Neal, The sixth best actor from the most overrated Ninties show that noone liked, barely qualifies, since as a Child of the nineties, I knew Neal more as the Creepy Magazine boss in that terrible Last Season of Sabrina The Teenage Witch a decade later. So he has being in dramas and Comedies, but nothing of note.

Having Someone who is usually bubbly and vivacious As The Model and TV Host Brooke Burns play a by the book, serious cop is also a headscratcher, though her fitting into fashionable dresses will no doubt be a series stable.

A series I may not want to finish. The only reason I chose this to review, is I thought the silly Premise and lack lustre cast, will be paired with a ridiculously Cheesy script and funny Food pun dialogue. 

Apart from Henry alluding to Cat You-Know-What Coffee, this was a generic killing that just happened to be at a banquet, Despite the use of anything other than Arsenic in The Champagne, that in itself is a Trope as old it's Genre.

Hallmark seemingly used ChatGPT to not only write Christmas Romance Films, but scripts to Romance mystery films. There was no emotion in the delivery and any dialogue can be predicted. Or maybe since this may have being originally filmed as either Four 30 minute episodes or Two One hour episodes, It seemed like the main characters broke down the clues every ten minutes to make sure the target audience of Nursing home Residents could still follow along.

Whether or not I actually honour my promise to never cover the series again, I would learn during my research into the books that not all the books were adapted into films-the second film is not based on the second book, Spiced To Death, But the Fifth Book, A Healthy Place To Die, Focusing solely on the books with character development. I was expecting this to be my own Tandy Computer Whiz-Kids that I could return to riff on. Is this Movie bad? Yes, but not bad enough to find stuff to make fun of. 

CREDITS 

The Pilot based on The First Book Of The Gourmet Detective Series was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (eamonnisenli.bsky.social)

With Media from:

The Gourmet Detective

The Simpsons

Family Guy 

Father Brown

Diagnosis Murder

Tone Madison

The Gourmet Detective was Produced by Muse Productions Originally For the Hallmark Channel, Based on the Book series published by St Martin's Press.

All Rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners. 

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE. 

We Return to Schitten-On-Havel for the next 3 episodes of Crap Happens!

Eamonn Reviews Cassandra Episodes 4-6

Let's Return to Last year's Halloween special,  The Next and Final Episodes of the German Horror Show, Cassandra.

Let's Recap. (Or you can read the Review of episodes 1-3 at this link below)

Bogger Box Office: Halloween special 2025: Cassandra Episodes 1-3

To internalize the Grief of a woman who is either her sister, her Threesome Partner or both, A mother, along with her Husband, Teenage son and Primary school aged daughter, move to a rural town to live in a 50-year-old smart home, where they foolishly reboot it's AI Controller, the Eponymous Cassandra.  The AI is a help to begin with, But Cassandra seeks to undermine, gaslight against, replace and ultimately k*ll the mother, Samira ("Sam"). This is also the origin of Cassandra Schmidt, as she was 50 years ago, a housewife who suspects her Husband impregnated her Neighbour. But she had own problems in been complacent in 3 mu**ers committed by her son, Peter.

In the present, side-plots include an Enamoured Cassandra Aiding Husband David with his erotic novels, son Finn's Burgeoning Gay romance with Steve, Who was threatened by the robot in the last episode, and Cassandra's successful Manipulation of Using Six-year-old Juno to cause a School shooting to secure a part in a school play.

CURRENT K*LL COUNT: 6

HORST SCHMIDT-Pulled through a windscreen and spine broken in a car crash. 

A MOUSE-Crushed by Cassandra's Wheel track 

PETER SCHMIDT-Offscreen (Confirmed dead from same Car crash that claimed Horst)

3 SOCCOR PLAYERS: Shot and Beaten to Death by Peter as revenge after an Assault by them.

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW IS OF A 15 RATED TV SHOW THAT CONTAINS DEATH, SUICIDE, INJURY DETAIL, SEX, WHICH IS DOWNPLAYED, VIOLENCE, LANGUAGE WHICH WILL BE CENSORED. AND SOME SCENES WHICH WILL BE PREFACED BY A TRIGGER WARNING. THIS REVIEW WILL BEGIN WITH SCENES AFTER A SCHOOL SHOOTING FROM THE OFF SET THAT SOME PEOPLE WILL FIND DISTRESSING. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. 

Episode Four- A Children's Game

We open With Samira in the kitchen thinking as a Policecar pulls away, covering her blank face  with blue and red lights that pulls her into a flashback of happier times when Cathy was alive. Her Sister goes with Juno to play. But as Finn clears his Aunt's plates, he sees Hidden Tablets.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR VIOLENCE TOWARDS A CHILD 

Without her meds, Cathy gets Uncontrollable rages about Juno colouring the Sun Pink, she lashes at Juno with a Scissors while Shouting "DO IT RIGHT!", Causing the girl to bleed and cry for her mother, when Cathy regains her Composure. Finn shows his mother the discarded pills.

That night, David wants to put Cathy in a Psych ward, with Cathy hearing it all we can follow what the Conclusion was.

K*LL COUNT: 7 

CATHY- Su***de

The next day Sam in the middle of the uproar Juno caused by bringing Cassandra's gun that was Hidden, quote "Under Mama's Bed" in the AI's attempt to Undermine Sam.

Sam Prill finally snaps and Defends Herself. She tells us that it was Juno who found her Aunt after her death. They want to take responsibility, but they plead not to Expel Juno. 

On the Ride home Sam blames Cassandra for this, but David still doesn't believe his own wife.

At home Juno confronts Cassandra about what she did. But the Robot is not above gaslighting a child. Samira tells Juno she doesn't have to change schools, but Juno has fallen for the manipulation and tells her mother she "Just found" the Gun.

And here it is. The character Assassination of Samira Prill!

She starts to grab and shake Juno to get her to confess about Cassandra. And here is where Samira's Character Drive Changes From "I will prove Cassandra is Evil to save my Family " to "I Will Prove Cassandra is Evil...Because I'm Right!"

This causes all four family members to get in the same Room when Cassandra exacts her final play against Sam- An Over dramatic Fake Termination to the Tune of Johnny Mathis' "When A Child is Born" with The Translated German lyrics that use Subtext, Because Writers are Cowards:

When You say to Yourself/ That it is over/

You Don't Believe/ She is Loyal To You. 

Then Turn Around and look in her Face

And you will see/ Tears Do Not Lie

Before the Screens make anguished Muted faces before Shutdown.

So you would think Samira would Follow through with smashing the Calculation Engine that powers Cassandra with the crowbar she picked up, but nope, it's Flashback time to 1964, one whole decade further than usual. 

In what was the Schmidt house, A young Peter is copying the movement of an ice-skater on TV. While Horst is too busy with work, he makes a comment that his co-worker has had a Sixth Daughter being born. And how terrible he doesn't have a real Heir. Cassandra says she wouldn't mind a second child. To which Horst retorts maybe it's not so bad "Peter is old enough to be a man, and you nearly have your figure back!"

You know, the more I hear Horst talk, the more I realise Cassandra must have enjoyed every moment breaking His Spine!

We cut to Forced Contentment in a Christmas Family Video, where Horst forces Soccer onto his son, that's when Cassandra reveals when tucking in Peter, she "Found" a unopened present. 

OH BOY! I BET THIS DOESN'T LEAD TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES THAT WERE PLAYED OUT LAST EPISODE (!)

So Being the Guy that will the Crux of all of Cassandra's Evil acts, he is afraid Peter will "Want a Dress next!"

NINE-TEEN SIX-TIES! CASUAL QU**R-COD-ING! 

By the way, this was the 60s when Ice Hockey was starting to become Blood On the Ice. And the Americans and the Soviets where treating it  as national pride on the line. So I doubt Horst would survive if he came up to a Hockey player and called them sissies!

That's when...Both Horst and Cassandra...get in the mood after their Arguing with Cassandra saying 

"Arguing is Good For Us!"

It's this reciprocal Submission That's carried over to her programming, that would put her at odds with Samira, who is in a modern 2 income household if both weren't so alike now in their Stubborness and misplaced superiority. 

A Machine can be arrogant. 

A Hero, one who was never a fighter to begin with shouldn't be. 

Back In the Present, Samira wants Juno to be on Friendly terms with her class,  However Emily,  the 6th class Girl Juno wanted to beat for the part in the school play is not an Easy Sell, So David is Convinced that making a play date with the girl is a good idea, provided David does a reading at Emily's mother's Bookshop.

Back in the past, Cassandra is now pregnant once again, Horst is of course hoping for a son, But Cassandra has Doubts when Horst wants to settle this now.

At the Department of Science where he Worked, they are Developing an Ultrasound so exact it will determine the Gender in no time. 

Keep In mind, Horst's Field is Robotics, Not Midwifery.

Exposure to the x-ray causes a lot of pain and lot more, Down the line.  But it also reveals Horst's baby is a daughter despite pretending not to see any results. 

We focus now on Finn and Steve is nowhere to be seen, so he texts him a message. 

The playdate is made with Emily going,  Contingent of David reading at Kristen's Bookshop. Finn rides to Steve's Farm, where his distraught mother tells his boyfriend Steve is Missing. That's when a man's voice Shouts "if that's him, I still never want to see him again!"

Back at the Smart House, The Six-year-old plays some weird game with a blindfold, a wooden spoon and saucepan. This is a family that does game nights regularly, why didn't they have a game for both girls ages? When Juno takes off the blindfold, she is convinced Cassandra is reactivated.

Finn finds Steve living rough in a garden Shed, with A cut on his lip-A tell-tale sign he came out to his father.

Back at the Smart House, The girls play hide-and-seek which was Emily's idea, she tries to find a place in the kitchen, that's when Cassandra, who has being only pretending to be offline, opens the oven for Emily to hide inside. See, Samira, this is why you count to 20 not 100 when playing hide and seek with children!

Back at the shed, Steve Tells Finn about how he was nearly victim #7, when Cassandra threatened him with a knife and called Finn "Her Son"

TRIGGER WARNING FOR VIOLENCE TOWARDS A CHILD 

Spying on Sam in Secret, Cassandra locks the oven and turns it on with Emily Inside, as her Skin Blisters, we cut back to 1963 where A young Peter is frightened by a Storm,  Cassandra comforts her son and it's a nice moment-Time to throw it into a Brick wall!

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SCENE OF MISCARRIAGE 

Peter Notices his Mother Bleeding as the Schmidt Bundle into their car during the storm,  but with the road out, Horst tries deliver his baby at home himself. 

Back in 2024, the ambulance workers frees Emily from the oven which was Foreshadowed last year that it Malfunctions. Finn comes home the Only person who believes his mother-Not that it helps her, as Samira is committed to a Mental Institution-And she just won't stop-She wants Juno to call her if anything else happens-only because IT'LL PROVE SHE WAS RIGHT!

Full.

Blown.

Character.

Assassination!

And Episode 4 ends with Samira Put in the Rubber Room at The Funny Farm. Juno tells David she thought she saw The Screens flicker today, but she's unsure. Finn tells David what Steve told him. David is so much of an idiot. Maybe Robot Cassandra barging right in to kitchen to stop Finn leaving and put the house on Lockdown while Proclaiming" Now we can be a family!" Will Convince You!

Episode 5-You Are Not Alone

So David Finally Cops on that, when looking for his phone, that is was Cassandra who started the fire when she does the exact same with her control of the gasoline. Surrendering, David asks what does the Machine want. So Cassandra Tells him how she got this way in a flashback

In 1972, a year after the m**ders of the Soccer players, Cassandra is forced to attend the memorial match. At the game they sit with her Neighbours and Horst's Love-child while hers was a stillborn.

K*LL COUNT: 8-MARGARITE SCHMIDT-Died in Infancy

Cassandra opens her eyes to her Son not Bowing his head over the Deaths his abusers, but he obeys. Years of Hatred has Turned Peter into an Aggressive Player. Cassandra wants to know why he still insists on leaving the team now when it's only going to look suspicious.  She Doesn't want see him in a Cell. Which Peter retorts "Yeah, Because Home is So much better!"

Some Time later Peter leaves for a date. When Cassandra Goes upstairs with Food for her and her husband, She Suddenly Collapses! When she calls Birjit's Home, She and Horst are making love. More or less, she let's Her know she always knew about the affair, she just wants Horst home. Cut to a Doctor's Office,  where the Doctor confirms she has Cancer. In fact, because of the botched Ultrasound, there isn't a single organ that is untouched. 

This Destroys Cassandra. the cancer, The Love-child, her own baby's death, the guilt of the mur**rs, but the last straw is seeing Peter stumble home drunk  after lying about being on a date, when all he did was drinking, and the realisation he will grow up without her. She tells Peter the bad news who is more upset about continuing to live with Horst. That is when Cassandra gets an Idea.

She wants Horst to use his Robotic Expertise to help her Cheat Death!

But Horst was told to Discontinue the Project, because it meant Willing Test Subjects which were dying, so it was deemed Immoral!

HASN'T STOPPED YOU BEFORE!

In the dead of night Horst shows the Prototype Robot and she is in, after all, this is all Horst's fault.

2 months later,  The Department of Science overhauls the Schmidt home into the Smart House.  One of the Researchers, Wilhelm, who Cassandra recognises as the man who Horst ordered to perform the Ultrasound, makes the mistake of being alone with Cassandra. He's spared because unlike everyone else, he apologizes. But Cassandra Forgiveness will cost him a favour.

Cassandra gets drunk and dances with her Prototype. Peter begs his mother do this after she dies to she can die with some dignity. But the process can only be down when the mind is at the threshold between dying and death.

It's the day of the transfer and it's too much for Peter, Cassandra gets her head shaved and prepped into an Electric Chair like device to Euthanize her and Convert her Brainwaves into Computer Data.

K*LL COUNT: 9-HUMAN CASSANDRA-Euthanasia 

The Process has worked and Cassandra tries out her new Robotic Body, Wilhelm like a Complete idiot brings out Cassandra's body in a body bag in front of Peter, who wants to see his mother's real face once last time, only to find it burned and Scarred During the process.

And that Bring us back to the Kitchen. David fights back and incapacitates her with a chair for a while as the kids run off, David points his finger at the Robot, which Cassandra promptly cuts off with her gardening shears!

Back in 1973, Horst has become sexually frustrated and while taking a shower he turns to see Cassandra watching him having "Alone Time" Cassandra pines that this is the only way she'll feel any Sastifaction from here on in. But when she puts her cold metal arms on his skin, he is repulsed. He hugs her to comfort her, but Peter cannot get over the fact that thing is not his mother. When Horst thinks he has finally had his bread buttered on both sides in having a housewife that doesn't sleep and a mistress that gave him a second chance to raise a man, Cassandra locks the doors to stop them from escaping.

During Dinner, Horst get A call from Birjit, she has trouble at her home too, but Cassandra cuts the phoneline.

Horst turns off Cassandra at the mains so he can cheat with Birjit by letting her live in the Smart House. He tells Peter that baby Thomas is also his son. We learn the Favour asked of Wilhelm; it was to replace the main killswitch with a Dummy, over time Cassandra learned how to send her Conciousness like a relay to give the illusion of being switched off.

It is the Night of the Car Crash and it all starts with Cassandra Kidnapping the Baby and Bashing Birjit's head with the oven door and magnetism.

In the Present, the Prills including David with Crude first aid on his hand, are forced into their bedrooms for the night. Finn searches for his phone, but Cassandra has taken all phones. David, slow on the uptake as usual, accuses Cassandra of murder, we see the m***er of Horst and Peter play out during their escape.

We learn However it really was an Accident, Peter tried to Get Out of the moving car to go back to Cassandra, but Distracted Horst crashed the car as it smashed into a tree.

We Recap the Opening scene Cassandra finds the wreck and sees Peter die, She is so Angry her programming short Circuits, the only functioning Thing In the Smart House, ironically is the Malfunctioning oven that acts almost like a Heartbeat for the next 50 years, and the last thing we see a mysterious girl with blonde hair covering up most of her face flicking a switch on and off repeatedly. 

Episode 6-Merry Christmas

We open with More Bad news in 1965-So, it looks like I will have to Update my K*ll Count to have one less. For you see Margarite Schidmt was Born, But the Radiation deformed her. Seeing her face Makes Horst not want "that thing" to have His mother's name!

Horst However cannot bring himself to K*ll Margarite Only because he sees Sons as Heirs and Daughters as Livestock, Noone will ever Love Margarite....As Much as They will! YEAH, THAT WHAT HE MEANT (!) He wants to Raise Margarite in secret to save face and lie to everyone that she did die during infancy!

K*LL COUNT: 8: (-1): OH BROTHER, THIS GUY STINKS!

So Cassandra is forced to obey her Orge of a husband once again!

Final Title drop and Samira's Driven Home from the Facility Due to Christmas, She returns to a home in disarrary, rotten Food and Distrubingly, no sign of Cassandra or her Family.

She Hears Juno's voice cry for and goes to her room, only to see one of Cassandra's Tricks as she had Used her programming to mimic her family's voices and likeness to cry for help and tell her she is a failure of a mother!

No turns out, That was a nightmare and she is still in the Hospital Even over the Holidays, her Nightmare Prompts her to call David, who tells her he won't be picking her up Any time soon. Samira who has been cured of her character Assassination in the last 2 episodes is now back showing real concern, when Juno cannot be bought to the phone! Cassandra Threatens David with a Hot iron to the face.

The Nurses will not allow Sam have her phone, before she can be written off As safe to leave. At the House, Cassandra takes advantage of Grocery Deliveries being No questions asked to keep "Her Family" Alive.

Finn has a Rebellious Streak due to his captivity, but unlike his Chicken crap of a father, he has a plan to escape, and that is to Precure a Christmas tree for Juno. Given Cassandra's Real Weakness is her Maternal instinct and her hatred of Sami, he allows David one hour to Buy a Tree or Juno won't wake up to see Christmas Day!

Can't Wait to see How he Bodges This up and makes things worse!

Sam Steals Nurse Miriam's Keys to Retrieve her Phone, Meanwhile David Finally passes the Idiot Ball to Cassandra, who generally falls For the Bed Stuffed with Pillows Trope. With Juno trying to call her mother on her Phone-The Phone she doesn't know is Confiscated. Samira finds a confide office to get her Phone. Just as Cassandra goes to find Juno. Samira finds her affects but the phone is dead! Cassandra Finds Juno in the closet, but she hand-waves it off as being a Fort!

David takes back Possession of the Idiot Ball, as he did not go straight to a Police Station or the Hospital, But Obediently went to a buy a tree, here David Bumps into Kersten who gets worried about his Injured Hand and Severed Finger.

Now, you may ask yourself why Kersten Wants to give the Husband of the Woman who Supposedly Nearly Burned her daughter to Death!

......

GOOD QUESTION!

.......

SO ANYWAY!

David Continues to be THAT GUY! In a Horror Story, when he tells Kersten what he is about to tell.

Let's Just say Don't be surprised if the Kill Count goes back up to 9!

In the Hospital Office, Sam Desperately Tries to find a working Phone, or a Battery for her Phone's Make and Model. Instead, of all things- she finds a universal Charger.

The Irony is lost on Cassandra, Years of Forced Happiness at Christmas, and she is doing the same.

Sami's phone gets charged enough to turn on and she is inundated with Missed calls. She calls back Juno's phone which the resourceful girl put on Silent and Vibrate and sings loudly to Distract the Deranged AI from noticing. But them Sami calls back at soon as the music died down.  

Concerned, Samira shows her Contraband phone to Nurse Miriam, who gets angry that Samira also admits to stealing her keys.  Rather than read the messages, she does nothing! But Samira won't give up on saving her family,  She's learned her lesson and so did the Writers!

That can't be said for David, who is not being believed by Kersten. Keep In mind, Smart Houses died out in the 1970s in his world for reasons never given to the public and disasters like this were possibly covered up by the Department of Science, so this story just sounds like the ramblings of a Maniac!

At the Hospital, Samira's heart sinks when Juno calls back,  threatened by Cassandra to wish her a Merry Christmas. 

The Coward Returns to a House that is under Martial Law. Sequestered in her Room Samira finally snaps and sees the "Ghost " of Her sister. Cathy. 

So that's what the Psychiatrist meant in episode 2 when she said, "I'm Glad you Didn't meet her til later", she meant seeing this delusion.

The Ghost apologizes for what she did, but the Samira she knew would never let another woman, Flesh and bone or otherwise harm her family!

At a forced Christmas Dinner, Steve,  more Destitute than he was Months ago, is at the door. Threatening Juno, he wants Finn to tell Steve to leave. Thankfully, Steve is Suspicious since he was threatened by Cassandra or  "Scary Poppins" as he called her.  Finn has to lie that it's David who has the problem with Steve staying the night. 

"Yeah It's Always the Fathers who have the Problem, Huh?"

He Gives Finn a Gift before leaving-a Wind up music box, a call back to a Song Finn wrote about His attraction to Tom Holland.  He kisses Steve and they promises this will get better. But he closes the door to the outside world indefinitely. 

Overnight, Samira Escapes and Nurse Miriam leaves a voicemail to David's Phone in Cassandra's possession, With all the screens plastered with The AI's wide eyed stare, it's now Endgame between Sami and Cassandra. 

Cassandra's plan is to make David Kill Sam, With Cassandra telling David while it's not in her programming to K*LL Children, she can be very imaginative on how to HURT Children, look at what she did to Emily! David, However does not have it that lucky, as Davis has his genitals crushed by Cassandra's Vice like grip. 

Sam smashes through the Basement window to Calculation machine. So I can agree saving her family first comes before destroying Cassandra. Finn sees Sami in the house on screen, but also David with a sharp Poker to Kill his wife.  But Finn and Juno's Voices reaches her, She smashes a family photo over David's head, Travelling through a walk in closet to the kids bedroom,  she finds a secret Room while trying to free her Children. A makeshift bedsit for a child covered in discarded Toys and Rats. Cassandra sneaks up to Samira and stabs her in the stomach when she turns around, ad she stumbles in pain, she pulls down a curtain to find the Mummified Remains of an abandoned young girl!

K*LL COUNT: 9-MARGARITE SCHMIDT-Starvation

And then....

AND THEN!

Samira is bleeding out and her first words she says is "I WAS RIGHT!"

Let's focus more on how Horst is such a terrible human being, because he did not want to play happy families with a Deformed Girl, he abandoned her during the night of the car crash. And that is why Steve tried to bail out of the car that night-Not to return to his mother, but to save his sister.

And that is what Samira is pleading, that Cassandra was a good mother, that she did her best, like she has, But She can't replace her kids with someone else's, that she cannot get the love she thinks she'll get by replacing her, she will never be called "Mother" she will be called "Mother's M***erer" 

That causes the knife to spring out of Cassandra's hand once more, she turns towards the mummy and sees A girl in it's clothes shaking her head.

So let's Wrap this up!

Samira Hugs her kids when they are freed from their bedrooms. In a piece of Twintext, Samira tells David "Yes it's over" meaning both the ordeal and marriage. But Cassandra isn't going to let the family gather their thoughts, No, She is about to go full Amityville Horror Up in here, As Samira smells gas and all four book it.

K*LL COUNT-10: CASSANDRA-Destroys herself in a House fire.

And the Series end with the "Spirits" of Margarite and Cassandra hug and take their hands to walk from view and fade away.

This Series....Eh....

If the Brainfart of Samira's Character Assassination didn't happen this would be a forgettable series. The only thing setting it apart is that it's non-American Horror and Cassandra's design is unique. This film is not and it's biggest flaw is all the loose ends. I will contest that the writers did not put in the existence of Ghosts in the last minute, but instead argue that Margarite and Cathy are products of Cassandra and Samira's broken psyches. What will happen to the Prills now? The family house is burnt down, but the family are pariahs in the town. Hell, since noone has even heard of a Smart House in this timeline, who is truly going to believe them that they didn't start the fire themselves? Are they going to live with Steve? Go back to Berlin? Get separated once the Hospital apprehends Samira? The lack of a epilogue leaves me empty. 

CREDITS 

Cassandra was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (eamonnisenli.bsky.social)

With Media from Cassandra. 

Cassandra was Produced by Rat Pack Productions For Netflix. 

All rights reserved and all Media used belong to These owners.

NEXT MONTH AT BOGGER BOX OFFICE...

This year for Halloween, let's do something different! We barely touch Mysteries for this time of year, so let's change that! 

Someone is Cooking up something in a kitchen,  but it's not dinner, it's death! As we meet for the first time! The Gourmet Detective!

Eamonn Reviews Crap Happens Episodes 1-3

By the time you see this Review, I have joined Bluesky 

And to celebrate this, here Is the film that would have won the twitter poll by default.

Except it's not a film, it's a series. I which TV and Streaming would do me a favour and tag films and series as such. 

Eventually I will start polls on Bluesky, when I find my footing once again.

So going in blind, once more. Crap Happens is a 9 episode comedy of a wannabe rapper, 15 years on the road with nothing to show for it, returns home for the funeral of his mother, only to get the shock of a lifetime. 

Episode 1 "Fell off a Tree Rescuing a Duck"

THE FOLLOWING REVIEW IS OF A TV SHOW RATED 15 FOR VIOLENCE, DRUGS, SEX, WHICH WILL BE DOWNPLAYED AND LANGUAGE WHICH WILL CENSORED. THIS REVIEW OF A NEW SHOW WILL CONTAINS SPOILERS

The show Opens with a Documentary style Narration (Dubbed in English). Toni Fliesh always ever wanted to be a Rapper, but after 15 years in Berlin, he is reduced to being a Pizza man. We are told he has talent, but the Crux of Toni's Misfortune is he is a Cosmic Joke, as in he is always in the Wrong place at the wrong time. 

REALLY?

"ICE TEA, I DRINK THAT, 2 AND A HALF MEN, I WATCH THAT!"

This guy would kick Toni's Ass!

Tony's two fans are a jar of Sauerkraut with a face drawn on it and his Boss Pipo, Who looks like German MoistKritical.

After a Day of Soul Breaking Customer Service, at the very same time, Far from Berlin, Toni's mother, an owner of a Towing company, gets a call that will change her family's life forever. 

"A Duck Stuck Up a Tree?"

Wera ("Vera") a Former shot-put Champion for East Germany, who, unlike Toni, had no Wanderlust to leave Schitten-On-Havel, (Literally the ruder name of this series) Especially because of the town's Ducks.

She Rescues a Duck from a tree as the branch breaks and falls due to a Storm.

Well that's Fine, that wasn't too much of a fall and look, she already U....

(LIGHTNING STRIKES WERA REPEATEDLY)

Back in Berlin and Toni has a Gig and despite his Bravado, he is Nervous, he's up in a rap battle with people half his age, he's about to battle but his sister Nancy calls him and tells him the bad news and to come home. 

He has his rap battle. When the opponent makes a "Yo Momma" Joke, The Pain and Loss Makes Toni do the impossible: Win. But as he leaves them in Stunned Silence, he returns to Schitten For the Funeral. 

The Town is so American Southern State White Trash Coded. Instead of Duelling Banjos, I'd expect Duelling Polka Bands!

From a Upermarket that had it's S stolen 3 decades ago and never fixed it, to the civic centre Tony was laughed out of, to a leaf blower museum, Schitten-On-Havel is an Odd bird of a place, ran by a washed up Actress in a one party system, housed by Mean Spirited Boomers who treat making Toni's life miserable like it's their Religion!

We meet Toni's Family, Nancy-A policewoman, A Neat Freak and Mother of 4, his other sister Kaio, who quote "owns a Junkyard, blows stuff up and Swears so much, the Network has to beep her."

And her twin sister Karo who hates Toni for ruining her wedding 8 years ago.

And a man who stumbles to hug Toni, Johnny Carrerra, Tony's stepfather, who is 10 years younger than Toni and is a human waterworks!

"It's just one day" Toni keeps telling himself. 

At the service we meet 2 more characters, Paulie, Toni's self Proclaimed Best Friend, who had a crush on Toni's mother and a Strange fat boy (played by Leo Sky, who is a non-binary actor) who is playing a keyboard very well- though it's far too upbeat for this setting, and also the boy kinda looks like a clean shaven Toni.

(FORESHADOWING!)

Johnny in his eulogy says that Wera's Towing company was nothing more than a racket that she would cause accidents to lend her services and Johnny met her when she purposely slashed his tyres.

Toni gets a call from Pipo during the memorial that he has being scouted by a producer, but Schitten-On-Havel lives up to it's name by having phone coverage equal to a third world country. 

Or Ireland!

Toni asks his sisters who organized this strange 90s Disco inspired service.  They all point to Toni's ex-girlfriend, Jana. What We are lead to believe is a flashback is in fact two teenagers who stand next to the adults hijacking this private meeting. That got a Tickle out of me!

Jana is Toni's ex-girlfriend who inherited her mother's Funeral Directing Service. It looks like she wants to tell him something but she can't. 

Toni wonders if life would be better, if he stayed with Jana, then he seeing all the freaks he calls friends and family and then remembers why he left!

Setting of Wera's body in a Viking Burial, Kaio uses her Explosive Know-how to detonate her own mother's Corpse. ("I used her own fat as a flashpoint") Toni rests in his childhood room that been unchanged for years. Johnny tries to be a father but he comes off as creepy.

The Next day, Toni's Sleep is interrupted by a helicopter landing in front of the house. Sure Enough an executive from a rap studio (and heart clinic) wants to sign Toni to a Contract. Just one problem, Toni's self-Doubt never let him manifest anything more than bars and intros.

Dahlia Muller-Muller tells Toni her Attention Span has being ruined by Streaming (her actress looks into the camera as we hear a "TUDUM!") Toni has two weeks before said Goldfish memory causes the Executive to get bored and move on!

With Tony under pressure. He needs a way back to Berlin and the chopper is only for it's artists. Tony takes his mother's tow truck that was abandoned at the tree where she died. But it's stuck in mud and surrounded by ducks. Reversing hard Makes Toni accidentally k*ll  2 ducks, leaving their Duckling as an Orphan. The CGI Duckling looks up at the Rapper as its new parent. Which Toni becomes out of Guilt of what he did.

He speeds off towards the Capital and his dream. That's when another childhood he had ruined wants to come with, as the keyboard boy, Charley tells Toni he is His son!

Episode 2 "My Name Is..."

Episode 2 starts the same way Episode 1 ended, With Charley in the middle of the road, telling Toni he is his father. Charley Schammel, is an oblivious Bullied happy-go-lucky child of 14. Charley loves the school band where he is mentored by Toni's self Proclaimed Best Friend,  Paulie.

Charley is in the best mood of his life, as tonight he is going to confess his feelings to his crush in the band, Sacha "Nothing is Going to Spoil my Mood Today"

"I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING!"

Charley's Grandparents were a loving couple and so it set Charley with Unrealistic Standards. When Jana, His Mother, turned her father's Barbers and mother's Funeral Directors into the same business,  it became the primo place for Old And Bitter Gossipers to spill the beans. Two of them gossip about Toni's return and when one the women points out Charley's looks a lot like "that Fat Blimp", the penny drops. 

Quicker than you can say, "Disney's Coco" a Musically Talented Child wants to learn about his family, despite being told he will be disappointed. 3 hours of arguing are removed (a TUDUM is heared!) Charley's Last Resort is to hold his breath and Jana Acquises. So they separately leave for Berlin. 

Toni sees this as a scam, but Charley Cranks Up the Waterworks, with a world Best dad mug, he fobs the teen off with a tenner and leaves, but oh well, nothing is going to ruin his good mood today

Back on the road, Toni does the math in his head,  the days do add up, but He used Protection that night, Right? 

RIGHT?

That's when he stops the car as Jana has blocked the road with the next level of emotional Blackmail...hundreds of Baby Dolls that say "Papa" and Charley's voice in pointed insults to Toni when touched. In the middle of it all, Toni doesn't find Jana, but Johnny and Nancy giving her stepfather a ticket. 

We see in flashback an hour ago, Johnny making an Oddly Specific Sui**de pact that he wanted to be ran over by a Baby doll Truck. Since Toni is in possession of the tow truck, it's his responsibility to clear the dolls, and Oh joy, oh Bliss,  He has to take the creep with him.

Bringing the Baby dolls to Kaio to have them blown up, Toni goes to write a song, but the words don't come out. He injures himself in frustration, only made worse by Johnny trying to Coddle his Stepson who is 10 years older than his "Father". Toni Is invited to dinner, and accepts when he learns it's Meatballs. 

At the Dinner table, he learns Jana is gone from the Salon, that is now closed forever. This brings us to a quirk Toni has, that when he is guilty, he cannot bring himself to eat. Under the threat of being shot by Nancy, he brings Meatballs to Charley, only to see they have similar quirks and Foibles when Eating.

Toni's idea is to have Nancy raise Charley with her sister's help. Turns out Karo,  the sister who had her wedding ruined by Toni, knew of Charley the whole time.  Charley meets Johnny for the first time and after calling himself Toni's Father again, The Naive Boy calls Johnny Grandpa "Which" sets him off in waterworks once more.

Toni goes to leave for Berlin again and Charley opens the Simpsons Did it First Playbook, by hugging Toni, the Rapper looks at Duck and he finally gives in. He'll stay in Schitten-On-Havel,  but only until Jana Returns for one week. And that time will go solely to song Writing. 

That's when things go south for Charley when he kisses Sacha. Nancy has a fourth daughter,  Who in her scenes she is either Obscured by Props, filmed out of Focus or simply not there. 

AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW WHO WON THE PONY?, But turns out, Charley and Sacha are cousins!

And Episode 2 ends with Charley putting his arm around Sacha's Shoulder and Proclaims today, the best day ever, only for Sacha to exit stage right to vomit!

Episode 3: Kobi 

Our last episode for this post. Opens with what I assume is hours later from that night as we hear Sonarous Snoring and Bharms lullaby can be heard over the Towing company building. 

The narrator says it best.

"If there is three things Toni Fliesh was good at, it was Sleeping, Procrastinating and Sleeping"

But Now he has Charley in his life after 14 years and he wants to get in as much time with his father, he watches Toni in his sleep.

Not even Johnny is that Creepy-I HOPE!

Cons to being a Parent to an orphaned teenager overnight-Arrested Development like cuddling in his bed. 

Pros to being a parent to an Orphaned teenager overnight- Acquiring a person who was taught how to make a hearty Breakfast 

Or A Hearty Breakfast-if it was made by Heston Blumenthal!

And the morning begins with Johnny Suffering though hot Dog coffee, Green Chilli jelly Pasta and worst of all, Chocolate Scrambled eggs.

"THAT BOY AIN'T RIGHT, I TELL YOU WHAT! LET TONI ENJOY HIS CORNFLAKES IN HIS COFFEE IN PEACE!"

Cajoled by Johnny to at least try some Chocolate eggs, turns out by some miracle, It's actually delicious. He changes the subject by asking if its OK to still be in love with your cousin "Asking for a friend!" Toni despite not being a father for long, even he knows that's a bad idea. Johnny However gives the while "a lot of Royalty and Genius married their Cousins" speech, we also learn it's the norm in his home country of Mexico. 

Charley wants to do every father-Son after school At once, but Toni reminds him he only has a week left to wrote a debut song.

So now we have a new subplot, as the aforementioned Cult like one party politician/actress Veronica Ferres has plans for the land the Towing company is on.

Thanks to Charley's Rambunctiousness, Toni lacks the Energy to write a song.  Speaking of Charley, Sacha breaks it off, knowing what we now know.

Paulie breaks up band class to introduce a Swiss Foreign Exchange Student, the eponymous Kobi.

And when this shy boy plugs his guitar into an amp and gives it few licks,  he becomes the most desirable thing to girls his age. And Charley doesn't like how much Sacha is staring at him.

🎵Somebody's Jealous/ Somebody's Jealous!🎵

Toni Sleeps til 2pm. With no Work Done, Toni does Random Sh*t to procrastinate even further. But in a Toy box under his childhood bed, he may have found the unlikeliest of Solutions. 

A VHS OF A PUPPET'S 12 STEPS TO BEING A RAP GOD!

This is a show with CGI Ducks and Road Blocking Baby Dolls, were you really expecting normalcy?

Charley's way of Coping with Jealousy is naturally not to address it, by being Jeering and Passive Aggressive to Kobi. Who, as the only boy his age, asks Charley what's there in Schitten-On-Havel to do for fun. After learning Kobi is deathly allergic to Dogs, he sets up a hangout in a Hanger, that Charley fails to mention, is a territory for wild Dogs.

Back at Toni, we get an explanation on Huso, A Rapping Puppet in the 90s, whose back story is treated like he was a Real-life Rapper, who fell off after taking Dr*gs and of course, that leads to Tutorials like this. 

Let's just hope it's better than Dick Dickman's 10 steps to be a private Detective. 

At the last moment,  Toni being the Cosmic Joke he is watches the tape being warped just as the Puppet was to reveal the secret to rap, that's when Toni remembers he broke off the piece that when removed, makes a tape rerecordable. To record an Apt Film.

"Armageddon"

It's one of Toni's favourite films and he spends the whole time he could be writing, watching it.

Also we learn the Baby Duck has a name now-Tupac!

Charley goes to meet Sacha at his aunt's work, Which like his mother's salon/Funeral Directors,  the Police Station is also a Nail Salon, but only because save for the Odd Behaviour in Town, times are hard for Nancy.

Meanwhile Ferres plan to Acquire the Land of the Towing company makes it's first move, by her trying to buy the land from Johnny with a novelty Lottery Check. Johnny, not knowing better is about fall for Veronica's trick, until he sees A Vision of Wera....in the cover of the.....(sigh! The things they film to make me say!) Karma Sutra For Older Couples he was reading. 

Frightening him, Johnny refuses. But Ferres will not back down. Plan A it is,  Continue to make the Fliesh Family miserable. 

Once again, Sacha tells Charley it's over. When he hears on Police Radio a call about a Rabid dog escaping the Hanger, he goes to save Kobi out of guilt! But he needs dad's help. 

Johnny tries to call Toni but he still has bad coverage. On top of everything else,  here Is Maria Muller-Muller arriving by Helicopter. 

Kobi is actually covered by little Cute Sheepdog puppies, but to someone who could die from a single touch, the puppies might as well be the Zombie Dogs from Resident Evil. 

Trapped in An Abandoned car, Kobi cannot bring himself to leave it. So Toni goes to tow it away,  But is Blocked by the Rabid Dog. To save the Day, it's the Female Narrator who reveals herself to save the day. You thought the Narrator was Dahlia, no that's her dubbed voice, but it's also the voice of....Tupac The Duck!

Sure Enough, Tupac scares off the Rabid Dog with her Cuteness-WAIT A MINUTE! How does a Freshly Hatched Duck be so knowledgeable about the town, but also stuff that happened in the 90s?

Toni returns and is shocked by a Cut-Out of Muller-Muller.  Johnny, not knowing his own ass from a hole in the Ground, when it comes to music production, Thinks he did Toni a Favour by arranging a meeting with Muller-Muller in her office at 8am. Toni has to practically sit Johnny down to explain to him that intros are not Full Songs. He has nothing. A day is wasted and Toni does not blame himself for wasting most of it!  He ends the third episode and this post blaming both the father and the son he didn't want in his life. 

This was a good start to a show. Crap Happens has that Surreal Father Ted Feel to it. The Show is both Undeniably German, but also feels Universal. The Characters are all losers, but they are all likable. Three episodes in, and there is still a lot of intrigue to why characters are the way they are. This show is interesting and funny, I will be returning to it in November. 

Next month, we are still in Germany and on Netflix. As we finish Last year's Halloween special. When I review the last 3 episodes of Cassandra. 

CREDITS 

Crap Happens was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham.

With Media from:

Crap Happens 

Supahot Fire by Deshawn Raw YouTube channel 

Monty Python and the Holy Grail 

The Amazing World of Gumball 

Vevo

King of the Hill

Dragon Ball Z and Dragonball Z Abridged 

Crap Happens was Produced by Warner Bros International Programming (Germany) For Netflix.  All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners.