2 TICKETS TO HELL: THE MACHINATIONS OF THE MARA: PART 2 OF PART 2: DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS, PART 2

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE...)

After saving the world, Eamonn invited his friends to the Paradise Planet of Harmonis, to meet His Benefactor of the Galactic G-men...and his lover, Sabaru. Humanoid creature called a Mara, a creature that feeds off the dreams and fear of intelligent life, though she is reformed, they have touchdown on the Planet, as Eamonn is reviewing the latest Dvd to regain his power....

That DVD Is Dinner for Schmucks, the kind of rom-com-vom Paul Rudd did before becoming Ant-Man! A Stockbroker has a chance to get a promotion if he finds an Idiot for public Ridicule at his boss' dinner party. When Tim (Rudd) encounters Corpse-Mouse Sculptor Barry Speck (Steve Carrell), who in the space of 2 days, Injures Tim, Contacts Tim's Stalker and possibly ran his fiance into the Arms of another man, a pretentious Russel Brand Stand-in, who owns a Secret Ranch...which is where we leave off!)

 Barry's Real Job is as a Tax Inspector and If Kirin Owns a Ranch, It's Upkeep will be Listed as an Expenditure on his Tax Returns, which will have the address of the Ranch! So they take a trip to the IRS office to meet Thurman (Zack Gallifinakis), An Agnostic data Cruncher who's work with deal with liars all day, has convinced him he has Mind control powers. And this is where anything to save Barry's Character falls flat. He BELIEVES IN SUPERSTITION AND THE SUPERNATURAL! All Thurman has to do is say I have mind control and Barry clams up. Thurman wants to "Use his power" to make Barry say that he can have his Pudding, When Tim says he'll give Barry a $1000 dollars of Pudding. Thurman tells Tim he'll Audit him for "Having that much money to spend on just Pudding" I guess Semantics is a thing that only happens to other people if you work for the IRS! Tim now has another headache thanks to Barry's "Help" and still doesn't have the address to the Ranch! It Just Get's Worse!

Angry with Barry once again, Tim sees a Car dress up with the Redhead woman meeting Thurman. The Woman is Barry's Ex-Wife, Martha. You'll Remember the first scene of Barry making the Dioramas? Well Female Mice was always Redheads so it was a recreation of His former love life. Tim hears Thurman call the woman "Pudding" and so Tim realizes it was not about Food! This has broken Tim dowm so he lets Barry stay in his demolished Home.

Barry keeps spinning Tim's mind about Judy supposedly cheating on Him. Are you use to the Phrase "It Get's Worse" Yet? Because Guess What? Turns out Barry likes to watch people in their sleep! So the only Tim can deal is to treat Barry like a child and have him watch Youtube cat Videos til he laughs himself to sleep, Oblivious to Tim Crying himself to sleep. Tim Finds Barry's portfolio and pictures of Dioramas of the breakdown of Barry and Martha's Marriage.

BUT NEVERMIND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OR THAT BULLSHIT!

Let's have Tim Continue to Treat Barry like a child as he goes to work, Giving him a Bowl Of cereal and tells him to sit Until he returns for the Dinner....But wouldn't you know it! HE'S FORGOTTEN HIS PHONE TOO! And the message was his work telling him the new address to meet Mueller.

And Because Barry takes what he is told at face Value, He runs after Tim, Still in the chair, carrying the furniture like a turtle on his Back. Tim is in the new address, because like all appointment based jobs he went to his secretary to confirm his meetings, But Barry doesn't know that! and since they are not friends the only mutual person who would know Where Tim is...is his Stalker, Darla! The Muellers have an Unfortunate Encounter with Barry has he's Accidentally Racist to the Swiss! I never thought a comedy that has both David Walliams and Steve Carrell exchanging lines would be Torture to listen to so Fast Forward Reveals Darla finding the Ring-Box on Tim's Person, and since The Muellers have NOT meet Julie (And Of course, Barry is no Help!) Tim Proposes to Julie....as the real Julie Arrives! Tim tries to salvage his relationship by saying he trusts her, she got the message from Kirin to go to his Ranch ...except she didn't....she didn't get the message....she left THE PHONE AT HIS FLAT! So angry about being called a cheater she now goes to Kirin's Ranch! ANDHERE COMES THE STUPIDIST THING ABOUT REALLY BAD ROM-COMS1 WHEN THE WRONGLY ACCUSED SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS!

"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF A THING? I'M SO MAD, I'M GONNA DO THE THING YOU ACCUSED ME OF, OUT OF SPITE!" But She Says it's her Job and She want her to be part of "The Artistic Process"...Aka Bang her, But when he reveals he only knows because he broke into Kirin's house, she Drives off!

By the way, did we Resolve who's voice Laughter it was in the Voicemail Since it seems it's not Julie's , was it one of the models During Kirin's Furry Sex, I don't Remember Them Laughing During The Scene!

Barry, in a State of Good Sense, Picks up Tim in Tim's car, only for Darla to Attack with a Sign-Post! But All this was to prove A point and her to have a Shiny rock for her to Pawn Off!

With Tim telling Barry it's all his fault. Barry Calls Thurman to Concede, getting the Address in Nevada for Kirin's Ranch. As Kirin tries and nearly succeeds in seducing Julie, Until Tim and Barry arrive to see Kirin come out as Dressed as a faun! Julie seeing her boss like this catches her on that Tim told the truth....even if it meant he broke into a house because he couldn't trust her! It's all Barry's fault what does he know about relationships when he couldn't stop his own from breaking down...And Barry hears all of it!

Julie is returning to Tim after the show, But Barry has sussed out that the Dinner is a contest for Losers. Barry returns home and goes to Destroy his works, Until he gets an Idea one that involved the return Mouse-Corpse of Tim being redressed as a Groom....

It's the Night of the Dinner and It seems Mueller had to be told by Fender the situation. Fender wants Mueller's Money or Fender Finance will be Done and Tim will never work as a stockbroker again, as long as Fender is around!

It's the night of the Dinner for Schmucks and Barry has arrived early, Playing along as a penance to Tim, But the Competition is high, including A Bipolar Ventiliquist, a Vulture-Wrangler, a Competitive beard-grower, A Pet Psychic and A Cameo by Chris O'Dowd as a Blind French Fencer (He was not Blind by Birth but by Stupidity, so in the same logic of this film you can ridicule the self-inflicted!)

So Dinner is served, And Each Contestant Has a Chance to Embarrass Themselves For Fender and Mueller's Amusement. Because Barry is aware, and wants to make up to Tim so he can have the promotion, acts extra pathetic, Though It's tough when the Pet Psychic is served a Lobster and starts "channeling the lobster's spirit" Screaming like she's being boiled in water! Barry shows off a display of Dioramasa, which basically the Youtube video "Whole History of the world, I Guess"...In Mouse form...Until he says Francis Bacon invented Bacon....Though what do i expect when a woman Pantomiming being boiled in a pot is a tough act to follow?

10 Dioramas Later and Barry has revealed his last, a wedding of Mouse Julie and Mouse Tim getting Married, It looks like Tim will win...Until Mr Filch, reveals Thurman, who uses his "MIND-CONTROL" on Barry to make him reveal Dirty secrets about him! Tim is disgusted and in the backroom tells Barry what's up, But Barry knows, and he wants Tim to get this Promotion because he ruined it with Him and Julie! So Barry is Smarter than Tim gives credit for and he wants Barry to win, FOR BARRY, Sadly Superstition cannot be cured, so Barry is still pliable enough for Tim to tell Barry he has, and i quote  "Brain-Control, which is more powerful than Mind-control because the brain tells the mind what to do!" They then proceed to mime a gun fight with Mind Powers, until Thurman gets a taste of his Medicine when Barry blackmails him about his sex-life..which he only knows because Thurman always made Martha cheat on Barry in her house!

The Display of Stupidity Makes Barry the Winner...only for Tim to tell Fender to take his job and Shove it, Barry only did this so Tim will have the money to support his fiance, a fiance he may not have when he comes home! Mueller however thinks Barry is a Ringer and since Mueller is a Rich Idiot who squandered Millions on Garish Art, he accuses Fender of inviting him as his idiot. When the other Guests realizes what has happened. It sets off a change of Events that starts with the Blind fencer chopping off Muellers Finger and it eaten by the Vulture, and ends with Fender's Mansion set on fire!

When Tim and Barry return to the flat, it seems Julie has not. Tim spills his guts about how much she loves her and It's a good scene except ,they already did the "(S)He's Behind me, Isn't (S)he?" trope already and unless it's a running joke, which it isn't! you should never use a trope twice!

And so our film ends with Mouse-Corpse Diaramas telling us what happened Next. Tim and Barry remained friends as do the other Schmucks, Barry and Kirin collabed on works and toured worldwide. Tim and Mueller opened a Modern Art Museum (With Barry sculpting a statue of Martin's severed Finger!) Barry and Darla hooking up, Thurman locked up in an Insane Asylum . And Tim and Julie got Married. Barry tried to surprise them in Paris, only for Her to "Curate Tim....MANY TIMES!"

THIS FILM IS DIVISIVE TO SAY THE LEAST,

There is a heart in this film, but you really need to dig deep to find it! Tim is an asshole, Barry is a mixture of Mid-Life Crisis, Supernational Believer and tone-deaf Autistic Stereotypes that Frankensteining all the tropes together means no-one can be offended, if all things are offended at once! This film doesn't work because the Idiot is not someone who is awe-inspiring, or tough in his adversity or Earnest. All his misfortunes is Barry's own doing! Even his attempts to help fail because he doesn't know, or in the worse case, refuses to listen to, WHY! this went wrong! It gets better during the end, but you have to endure 40 minutes of very bad, cringeworthy questionable humour. Only watch if your salt intake isn't at Dead Sea Levels!

AND NOW TO THE LAST CHAPTER OF SABOTAGE BY SLEEP.

Led to a Romanesque Amphitheater, on a wide Plinth looking like a stage, Eamonn was recharging his power-glove and sealing away  the power of the Devil Dvd. However this was different he was not floating in the air, in a state of sleep, his eyelids twitching in rapid R.E.M.s

"Ah....a Piece of your Power masquerading as Human Knowledge. You are are indeed still a creature of Habit, Beelzebub!" Sabaru Joking said as she slid on her arm seductively and possessively down the floating man's arm, ending with her Nailed Hand clasping his like a vice. "My Signee has told me so!"

-Yeah about that, "Signees!" what is that all about?

(Sabaru closes her eyes, and Bowed her head. Her Smiling Red Lips went to a neutral expression for the first time!)

you Remember the War?

-Wot War?

-The Cognitive war Between Beings who called themselves "Gods", The Cosmic Entities and those that were labelled "Demons", Beezlebub, Minor Entities that control the flow of time, And my race the Mara, Our Race were Vile, Feasting and growing fat of the Fear of a New Species that just Feel out of the tree and started Walking, Humans. The Battlefield was their minds and the Prize their worship. Bit in a twist it was Humans that fought back. The Human Dante was tasked by Beelzebub here to create a narrative of a then non-existent hell, only for the wily Scribe to write it as a Prison, and if something is believed, it becomes so. Without a Leader, Minor Entities, like The Reaper, The Elephant in the Room, those involved in the seasons turned on Demon and out-matched, The Cosmic Entities gave up their Godly status and Physical Forms and used the power to seals us in the Hammerspace, a world between reality and dreams, Scrounging up an existence, feeding on Nightmares of the sleeping, fighting over who can eat it like starving Dogs! All because of the Entities, and their Pride and their Games.

-SOCCER!

-WHAT!

I GETZ IT! 

To be fair, i'm not as clevererererer as Ye, Da Divil or any Townie, but I knowz Soccer! Ye are as Powerful as them Enter-Teas who play wif da souls ov men like Da Gawds ov Grease! like Prawns on a Cheeseboard!

But you are knot making Eamonn a Prawn, you are making Eamonn a Player.

You are makin' your own League! Your own Game Ov Souls!

-My...My....These Humans....they are more Clever than what you give credit for!

(Stirring to awake, Eamonn descended gently onto the plinth, propping himself to  a sitting position. He was helped up to his feet by Sabaru, as They turned the pull into an embrace)

So, What did you talk about while i was out. Hopefully about me not returning to Earth 1.

-WHAT

-WOT?

"Oh I Forgot!" The blonde said with feigned Ignorance. "But now time like the Present..." She continued, her tone becoming more bitter as she spoke!

Eamonn is under Contract to serve the Galactic G-men as a whole! We do not deal in Sector, we are dispatched when needed. And Granted Eamonn is powerful, He had Training and access to the tools needed at that time, Such as it were. The Track Record speaks for itself! Defeating Beelzebub, The Master Control, The Leader, Edwin Tantalus....And Yet 7 Billion Terrans on Earth. And none GIVE HIM THE RESPECT HE IS DUE!

-BUT IT CAN'T BE THE ONLY REASON!

Sabaru laughed. Her frightening face, softened once more

"You are Right, Beelzebub!"

Daddy! Mama!

(A Young girl, ran from a servant and climbed awkardedly like a toddler her Age, she Raised her Arms above the head toward Eamonn, Squeezing her little palms over and over as she cried for Attention.)

Hiya, Baby! Have you being A Good Girl?

OH HOLY GAWD! SHE CALLED DADA? YOU DIDN'T?

....AND WITH A MARA? EAMONN YOU DIDN'T....

(SatanicOstrich Used his power to detect Sins. He could feel Eamonn. Joe-Jack and Sabaru with the weight of their Souls were practically Burning. but he Focus on the Baby...)

(IMPOSSIBLE!)

Joe-Jack we have to Leave!

-Huh? Why?

-Sabaru is right! Eamonn cannot return to Earth unless he wants to. Besides. I think the Humans are in Danger if we don't go back!

(With Tears and Regrets. Our Heroes Board the Train to Hell as it flew from the skies of Harmonis back to Earth's Galaxy. Sabaru looked on with a smug look on her Face. Her League to make the Greatest Team of Heroes will Succeed.

EVEN IF IT MEANT MAKING SURE OTHERS DIED FAILING!

THE END!

CREDITS

I Love You Man and Dinner for Schmucks were Reviewed, Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli)

WITH MEDIA FROM

I Love you, Man.

Derry Girls

Dinner For Schmucks.

Both films are property of Paramount. All Rights Reserved. All media used in all four parts belong to their respective Owners!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE.

THE NEW STORYLINE-A GAME OF 2 HALVES AND NO QUARTER-BEGINS WITH MEN IN BLACK INTERNATIONAL!

EAMONN REVIEWS LAY THE FAVOURITE

 (PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...)

(Earth was Seconds away from being destroyed by the Meteor...Until a Space-ship belonging to garrison of Galactic G-MEN Arrived to literal fanfare, like a sporting event. Eamonn Had returned Earth to save the day, with new powers and upgrades provided by his lover/benefactor, the Etheral and mysterious Sabaru Of  the Mara. He returned to finished what he started, but he's convinced he being put back in time by a year to save Humanity!

Iz Dat....Really youse? Joe-Jack Started

"It is....and it's starting to rain....." Eamonn started to cry and laugh, a wave of emotion overwhelming him "It really is Earth....I'm back.....i saved it!"

He hugged Joe-Jack, despite Protest, and Mammie, but stopped in his tracks when He saw Ostrich

"YOU FUCKED UP MY TRAIN, YOU PUTA! YOU MANGLED MY BABY! WAIT A TICK...." Ostrich took a long stare at Eamonn, He Could something that Only the Lord of the Damned could see, a dark Aura, something he hadn't felt for centuries.

"HOW THE MY HOUSE IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? YOU'VE BEING GONE A MONTH AND SOMEHOW YOU MEET THE ONE THING YOU SHOULDN...

-WHAT DO YOU MEAN A MONTH? I'VE BEING GONE A WHOLE YEAR! I ONLY CAME BACK TO SAVE THE PLANET WHEN I HAD THE POWER TO DO SO?

-"EAMONN, HONEY, I KNOW THESE THINGS, AND I TELL WHEN A SOUL IS FULL OF SIN, OR IN YOUR CASE BEING LIES TO, SO EITHER, TIME TRAVEL IS A THING IN A YEAR...OR IT'S THE FORMER!

OK I KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO SETTLE THIS. Come and meet my wife! She's the one who upgraded my gear. The Ship is designated to make a round trip back to Harmonus, Anyway!

AND NOW TO OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION!)

Today's film, a piece of Lifetime Movie Fluff with three former major Movie stars! And that's all it has going for it!

I have seen my far share of Terrible Covers In my Day, but this is Just Bad, Not Offensively, But Aesthetically. It's Just Headshots! No Action, No Plot, Even the Fanservice Shot of A pool Scene, Provides no sizzle. If you saw this in a DVD shop, with 100s of other covers vying for your Attention, would you pick it up first thing?

We open with Rebecca Hall Who Plays Beth, a Stripper, Who has a polarizing day at work, First a Handstand Contest in Underwear where she is paid and gets a drink too, to then having a gun pulled on her!

The Next Morning, She meets her father and they discuss their shared Money Troubles, Though she lies by saying she is JUST a vet, Her Dream is to ditch it to be a cocktail waitress in Vegas, to which her father Supports, Maybe he's in Earnest About his daughter throwing it all away to be leered at by Horny Drunks, Maybe he's being Sarcastic, I can't tell because the Acting so far has being terrible!

Leaving Florida for the Bright Lights of Vegas, She Realizes how ill-prepared she is, finding only a motel to stay and trying to win big money on the coin-pushers. She can't find work being the Waitresses are Unionized.

She meets 2 strippers and as they sunbathe topless, One of them, Hollywood, (Laura Prepon) Tells Beth there is only 3 lawful ways for a women to get buy, Strip, Marry or Leave! But she thinks "Dink" can Help. This is the best acting so far, i'm a big 70's show fan, But Laura is doing a stupid accent with her tits out!

Frank Dink is a bookie, though it's Illegal in Vegas, gives Rubes like Beth Drive out of town to make bets on his behalf, with a cut for that person. Despite not knowing how to gamble, or anything about sports, Law, Probability, Stringing Sentences, Beth is hired, along side Regular Staff Bobby and Scotty. In Reno, Dink tells Beth that Learning how odds change by watching events in real time is how he is so successful! Beth is Written as some kind of Idiot Savant, she's Good with Numbers but better with Letters, able to sort letters of words alphabetically in her head without mistakes, THIS NEVER COMES UP SO I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS MENTIONED!

(This is a trope called Chekov's Gun. If you write something in the world building and first chapters of a book, the reader expects what you are writing about to make a part in the story. Anton Chekov, a Writer and Professor, once said if you are writing a murder mystery and tell your readers in chapter one, a pair of dueling Pistols are framed over the mantelpiece, they expect that one of the pistols will be used as a murder weapon, otherwise, why bring it up? Same with Lay the favourite, why bring this skill to arrange letters, IF IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, DOES NOT MATTER?)

Dink tells Beth his tragic Story of being caught by the police and kidnapped by gangsters with is met by Bimbo-ish Giggles by Beth. After Work, Hollywood warns Beth not to get too close to Dink, as his wife, Tulip (Catherine Zeta-Jones) is the possessive type.

Dink brings Beth to the one place, she can learn about Gambling: A Half-way House for the G.A! There they encounter Rosie (Vince Vaughan), a hot shot Bookie from New York, who has dodged the law better than Dink ever could and it sticks in his craw how successful he is, given how stricter the penalty of Book-keeping is the Empire State!

Tulip returns from her trip abroad and is shocked when she meets Beth, Not only is she Young, she's a young double of her (Seriously, look at the cover, Rebecca hall could pass as CZJ's Daughter!) Despite Every side Character Warning Beth not to get close to Fink, She ACTIVELY Flirts with her Boss, Not helped that Dink see's His Wife as a curse, as the fortunes of the match, change from Bad to good as soon as Tulip leaves!

Not helped by that Dink hangs with Beth After hours and Tulip is that selfish a bitch!

Dink Returns home to see Tulip, Drunk and Emotional. The next day, Dink hands Beth a Brown Envelope full of Money: It's her Severance Pay, He has to fire her.

So this is how it's being Drawn from minute One....

A Slut Gives up her High-Paying Vet Job and being a Stripper for her dream of being lust over as a barmaid without the STDS, Is hired by a Con-man and Despite Being told by Everyone, not to break the Break The One Rule, Not only does she break the One Rule, She ACTIVELY, TO SERVE HER OWN END! Breaks the One Rule.

Oh, but now we have the next scene of her lying on a bed listening to sad songs, that we a supposed to Fell Sorry for her!

But Five minutes later,

She Pounces on the first Rube she finds on the coin pushers.

At Dink's, Firing Beth means all the bets she was ordered to make, haven't (Despite the fact Dink has TWO OTHER EMPLOYEES! Sure Beth's firing was Sudden, but what is stopping Bobby and Scotty from doing it, as well as there assignments?) Reluctantly, Dink gets Hollywood involved, but she disappears, betting against Dink's favourite and loses all the money. This forces Him to Fire Bobby and Scotty

Dink Asks Tulip for a loan, but on one condition, She wants Dink to pay for a Facelift! Beth, Scotty and Bobby are bought back!

Beth is bought to Dink's Mansion to sign a contract, She sees Tulip Bruised from the surgery. this time she warns Beth herself not to get close to her husband, but realizes she wouldn't be the Prize Pig she is without Dink's Money!

Beth Confronts Hollywood about being a scumbag, but Hollywood Says "NO, U!"

Dink is losing Badly and Fire's Beth, Bobby and Scotty "Again", But the 2 men Wave it off! But Beth asks what will happen if Dink is Broke for Real, the others say they'll just work for someone else, after all that's Gambling for you! For A slut, Beth has a Strange Sense of Loyalty! Begging for her job back and tempting Dink again, Makes him Dink put it clearly, with a Bag of Blu Chips. He wants her Gone, before he can cheat again! Beth Takes the Chips, cashes them and Arrives in New York where Jeremy (Joshua Jackson) lives.

Jeremy is a Journalist and while Staying with a Nice Grounded Person is a nice change of pace, As someone once sang, Love Doesn't Pay The Bills! Beth Says that Experience with Dink was the worst 6 months of her life and she doesn't want to think about Gambling. She's Off the horse. NO MORE GAMBLING. EVER. AGAIN!

.....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNND

TWO HOURS LATER!

At a Pickup game she hedges bets for the other players. Finding Rosenburgs Business Card, being a Bookie in New York is more of a risk than Vegas, But the Pay exceeds anything Dink would give Beth, plus she'll be working on the Caribbean Island Of Curaco! There is a Problem: Rosie is a FUCKING IDIOT! ("You Left Your Spreadsheets in Sizzler!" In Both Vegas and New York, Dink and Rosenburg win big on the GiGis. Joshua thinks the relationship is going too fast, Beth is no leaving for a different country, But Beth ask Joshua if he's so worried he can join her on her rounds. In Vegas, out to Dinner celebrating, Tulip tells Dink Not to worry about Beth Working with Rosenburg. But he cant shake the feeling that something bad is going to happen!

IT BETTER!

We are and hour in a 90 minute Drama and Nothing DRAMATIC has happened Yet!

Rosenburg's Curacao Office is a Trainwreck, His Bookies are Coke-Fiends and Doing Hookers, Jeremy is in New York and Beth hates everything about Rosenburg!

Greenburg (The Guy from the Basketball game, Has Gotten into Some Trouble With the Law and his phone seized, The cops are ringing every number on the phone including Beth's and Jeremy's (He gave Him his number in the scene where Jeremy joined Beth on her Rounds!) Jeremy tells her to act Dumb (NO PROBLEM!) when the Cops call her. Rosie is not Worried, but Jeremy's career could be fucked if he gets least a Felony Charge. On the end of her Rope, Beth has no Choice but to call Dink, The Dinks Agree to Help Jeremy (Beth involved with someone else, seems to be why Tulip would help her Husband's Paramour!), but only if Beth Returns to New York. Beth Walks out from Rosenburg Inc. which makes Rosie, freeze Beth's Account as extortionate measures to make her stay and get Greenburg's Money, into his pocket-Only for Jeremy to learn Greenburg is A FBI Patsy!

Dink's Plan is to make Beth bluff over the phone, that she is more Dangerous to Piss Off than the Feds, Appealing to Greenburg's Better nature, reveals he lied about the feds, the only way he can repay is to have his account re-opened so he can bet on New Jersey in tonight's game, Dink tells Beth to let him Go, Greenburg is Rosie's Problem, But Rosie has her Life Savings. If they can use the board to make New Jersey the favourite to win-Except it's new Jersey in Basketball, not NFL! (Apparently NJ is good in one, but shit in the other?)

A foul means New Jeresy has a fight chance in Penalties and it makes the Jets squeeze through and the Credits tells us what happened instead of SHOWING US what happened next, as the last think we see is an Everyone Dances Ending!-Rosie is broke, Dink and Tulip bought a hamster and Beth paid her way to college and wrote the Memoir that became this film,-YES, this was a true story which means unless it was creative license, the Stupidity really happened!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

The flow of time is off, the Dialogue is Laughable! (During the phonecall with Greenburg, Beth actually says "Look at me, Over the Phone!") Noone acts like a real person, Laura Prepon talks like an Alien, In that weird Accent, and Rebecca Hall's Beth is a Giggly Child in a Hot women's Body!

This is what Happens to action stars when they get too old to do fight scenes without slipping a disc.Films like this.

Tragic!

CREDITS

Lay the Favourite was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli on twitter)

With Media From:

Lay the Favourite

WWE RAW!

Lay the Favourite was Produced by Random House Pictures. All Rights Reserved. All Media used Belongs to their Respective Owners

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE....

THE SHOCKING CONCLUSION OF SABOTAGE BY SLEEP!

THAT WILL LEAVE THE UNIVERSE REELING!

IT'S THE MAY DOUBLE FEATURE EVENT!

"I LOVE YOU, MAN" AND "DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS"

IN 2 TICKETS TO HELL!....MACHINATIONS OF THE MARA! 

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2020: BAD MOMS' CHRISTMAS-REMASTERED

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE...

Eamonn's Attempt to destroy the Meteor heading to Earth was thwarted by damage to the Express train to Hell. Leading to Earth being in the hands of fate.

Speaking of Hands, the giant Hands that saved Eamonn, Belong to Sabaru, a Humonoid of Great Beauty, Untold Magic Power and Hidden secrets....like why is trapping Creatures from Every Planet and referring to them as "Signees?"

When we left off Eamonn was teleported back to Earth, seemingly aged and now Dressed as some kind of Security Operative or G-man. covered in a Poncho like garb. He threw off the Garment, Revealing that his Gae Dearg Gauntlet, his weapon made to control and maintain the power of his Satanic Fist, was now upgraded into a amorphous, vorpal liquid metal, that Eamonn command by thought into a sword. he then jumped into the air as the back of his bullet proof vest, opened like a Beetles back to reveal a jet pack. Using the sword and Chi in destroyed the Meteorite, cutting into several pieces then blasting and Teleporting those pieces that would still be a threat. All the Time. Eamonn was Tracked by Camera Droid that looked like Spiders climbing walls and trees to get shots by climbing via Film Strip "Webbing"

When the crisis was over, Eamonn standing in the settling sandstorm he had created. Put the Sword over his shoulder. The Blade melted back into a Gold-Pinkish Metal Gauntlet, that went up his formarm and ended with a Cloth like material that even had embroidery like filigree design. He Turned to Joe-Jack, His Mother and Ostrich.

"HEY"

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

 Look, I said it over on Enlightened Towers In October before closing it til 2021, but fuck this year! So hell in a cell was a last gasp of a wwe show, NOW TO END 2020 With a glorified Deleted scene Masquerading as a sequel!

Oh look It's their Faces as the dvd cover! Moving on!

It's Strange I'm Doing a Sequel without ever delving into the Original Film So Here's the skinny: 3 Chicago Mothers, Overworked, Overwhelmed and Underappreciated By the Snobby PTA, Decide to to use their free-time to get drunk and party, much to the chagrin of every Karen in the 'Burbs! It costs Mila Kunis' character her marriage but she has bounced back re-marries and co-parenting her kids and the daughter of her new husband, Jessie!

We start At the Aftermath of Amy Mitchell's (Mila Kunis) Ruined Christmas! A toppled tree, A ruined Banquet, and a camel running past A drunk Amy!

We are told the story in flashback and with stock footage of a Nice family Christmas, However Amy is a single mother now so she is singlehandedly fixing up Christmas decorations and being Judged by the women who have hired help! And to make matters worse! Amy's mother has invited herself to her home!

We cut to Kiki (Kristen Bell) A Stepford wife And her 3 bowlcut Children Causing Havoc and Stepford Kiki to blow a circuit of her programming! Doorbell and what what maybe a prevailing theme, Her Mother has arrived announced, Played by Useless Adult Stereotype Typecast, Cheryl Hines.

And finally Crass White Trash Spa Worker Carla (Katryn Haan) Returns home to she her Roadie Mom taking a ride off a truck. She's happy to see her, which is a change, But Momma is too drunk to it's now Christmas! So Carla sees through Her Bullshit!: Momma wants Money, But she's being coy about it!

5 days til Christmas, and Amy Has laid a last minute Party spread to impress her mother, Too Bad Her Mother is the Ultimate Karen, Here is a quote from the film that actually made me laugh:

"WHEN I WAS 6, I MADE MY MOTHER A BIRTHDAY CARD! SHE RETURNED IT TO ME WITH CORRECTED GRAMMAR!"  

So 5 Minutes in, and i want to punch Amy's Mom and her Toadie Dad! She Gifts her Biological Grandchildren Gifts, Mistakes Amy's Latino Husband as the Help and Basically Shits all over the efforts of her daughter! Basically, the plot of the 1st film in the space of a minute. And she has invited 180 of versions of her to Chicago on Christmas eve and expects her Daughter to foot the bill.

4 days til Christmas and Shopping is a nightmare with Unruly Kids, So They Decide to get drunk and deal with Christmas, Bad Moms Style, Putting pressure on themselves and getting nowt in return? it's the PTA all over again! So filled with Bile, and mostly alcohol, We see them give the children a run for their money, So it's MONTAGE TIME! Getting drunk, Kissing Strangers, Twerking on Santy, and it all ends with them stealing a tree from Foot-Locker to appease Karen-SPOILERS! IT DOESN'T!

Over at Kiki's-Cheryl's clinginess to her daughter manifests when they notice sitting in the corner whilst Kiki and Harold are having sex!

3days Before Christmas, and Amy wakes to workmen in her house as Karen Lavishes Decorations and Expensive gifts to her grandchildren, Pisses of Down-To-Earth Carla when she hears about it later, All Amy's other friends are going to a Soft Play-Area later, But Karen expects the family to go to the Nutcracker-Not the twee version, but the 5 hour version in Russian, just so she can splash the cash! At the Spa we learn why Susan has arrived back to Chicago...for free spa Treatments form her Daughter, So Carla heaps the scorn about being single til Susan half-listening just says "Spare Change, Bro?" She wants $15k for a undisclosed reason and Carla folds as Susan starts to shoplift!

That Night Amy snaps and brings her family to the soft play area instead of the ballet. In the Mall we finally learn the Mothers Names, The Karen is Ruth, Cheryl Hines is Sandy and Susan Sarandon is...

"ISIS.....LIKE THE TERRORISTS!"

All the 3 families have low budget fun in a montage, except Ruth of course, Until Jessie's Daughter asks "the grandmas" to play Dodgeball, Ruth and Isis take that Personally and Ruth takes it too far when its only her and Amy Left in a high noon style shootout! Amy wins then Ruth takes a slow motion Ball to the Vag! Besmirched in Public, Ruth vows to husband to double her efforts

2 Days til Christmas and at the Spa, Carla's next waxing appointment is a male stripper (JESUS CHRIST! IT'S THE SIZE OF A TRAFFIC CONE! I'M GONNA NEED MORE WAX!" ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE!) At Therapy Sandy and Kiki hash it out as Dr Wanda Sykes, PHD in Black Stereotypes, wags her finger and Tells Us Mama Don't Like That! Especially when Sandy Fakes Cancer for Attention!

Over at Amy's Ruth's "Doubled Efforts" has manifested in making the whole family Christmas carol all night, with a professional choir at course to win the Neighbourhood Carolling Contest, force Amy to be dressed as Scrooge, much to the delight of the Elitest Karens of the PTA! Thoroughly embarrassed, Amy tells Ruth that she wants a mellow christmas, with her ALL! of her children and her new husband!

That Night the Bad moms, go to the Sexy Santa Contest, Ty told Carla about! Seeing the Beautician, Ty invites Carla to dance on stage, Until Isis makes an ass of herself and falls through the bar! Though Embarrassed by the accident, Ty promises to stay in touch!

Ruth tries to Poison her Biological Grandchildren against their mother, bearing more expensive gifts. Christmas eve and Carla and Isis are scamming booze from shoppers with a fake canned food drive! Carla wants Isis to stay so she gives Isis 500 dollars for the "investment"!

Over at Kiki's Sandy's Gift to her Daughter is a spare Key to her New House, next to her's, This is when the rest of Stepford Kiki's Programming has short-circuited into a Nuclear Meltdown!

Returning from Sledding, Amy is shocked to see Ruth has Commandeered the house to host a Big Ridicolous Party, Including a Life Size Nativity scene with Camels, for all her snobby friends, Amy confronts Ruth and the truth comes out: Not being Married to a wealthy man has made Amy an embarrassment in the eyes of Ruth's friends: Angry, Amy destroys everything that was destroyed in scene one, as her children look on in horror! So Amy Kicks Ruth out!

So We are Back where we started, Meanwhile, Isis has done a Midnight Flit with Carla's Money, Sandy is now in deep thought in a house she now regrets Buying, whilst Ruth is in an empty church, when Sandy and Isis turn up all feeling shitty about themselves. Meanwhile Without Ruth's thumbprint on his forehead, Amy's dad can actually parent his daughter, and tells Amy that Ruth is the most insecure person he know. Wanting to apologize, Amy asks her father where Ruth is and it's Christmas Eve: where does any Rich, Conceited Big-shot go to be seen and save face?

THAT'S RIGHT, MASS!

It takes a lot, but Ruth Apologizes and we have a make up Montage of mother and daughter re-decorating the house in a style that is a compromise, though she is still racist to Jesse,....so baby-steps? In Kiki's house, Sandy has sold the house next door as she is returning to Nebraska, and Isis returned the mother and so the 3 families have Chinese food for Christmas dinner Until Ty comes to express his love for Carla....through the medium of Erotic Dance!

THIS FILM IS BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!

The story is solid, the characters relatable, the support cast is great (Susan Sarandon is a hoot!) and while the Comedy is clever, it's not as crass as i thought it would be! I wouldn't mind watching it again, but is it the best Christmas film? HARDLY!

CREDITS

Bad mom's Christmas was reviewed, compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham @RealEnli

with media from the same!

Bad Mom's Christmas is distributed by Entertainment in Video. All rights reserved.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

I will return on January the 4th with on enlightenedtowers.blogspot.ie with a schedule of all the posts I plan in 2021. So until then,  all contact is through my Twitter account! Merry Christmas and a happy new year and WEAR YOUR FECKING MASKS!

  

Birds of prey part 2-REMASTERED!

PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE...

Just as Earth is about is to be destroyed by an Meteorite, a seemiingly time-displaced advanced Eamonn, who in fact was only missing for a week materialized as some sort of Inter-Galactic G-Man! Under the Pomp and Circumstance of being in the Employ/Bed of One Sabaru Of the Mara!...Meanwhile....in our Review, Harley has split with Joker, but instead of Spilling the tea, she spilled Blood instead! 

Not trusting Harley, Romin tells Victor to Group text every Merc and Scum in his employ...which now includes Dinah, that Half a Million Dollar Bounty is on Cassie's Head, Leading to where we were before the flashback.

Harley steals a Key Card, but is Denied Access, so she destroys the Consul, Causing A Sprinkler Malfunction, as if the costume wasn't tight enough, and then releases the convicts, but Harley still has a price on her head, So during a Slow motion Fight in the Rain, Cassie runs off, Harley after her, and Mercs after them!

They Run into a Confiscated weapons warehouse, where For a DC Villain must be like, locking the A-team in a Garage! Harley is like a kid in a candy store, reunited with her Aluminium Bat, but when she hides behind a pallet of cocaine that gets shot up, some goes up her nose and she powers up like Popeye on Spinach!

Is Harley Quinn Also Snowflame?

Taking out 5 Mercs and Montoya, Harley grabs an unconscious Cassandra and steals a Station wagon with 2 mattress on it's roof, Cassandra wakes to Harley Passing her a Stick of Dynamite to waste a Bounty Hunter!

Stealing Groceries and Enough Laxatives to flush out the Channel Tunnel, Harley Returns to the Vietnamese Restaurant where she has bed and board in, after learning that Cassie can escape handcuffs, (Plot point!) Harley gives Cassie advice on life, which the young pickpocket takes to heart, but she finds Harley's taste in pet Hyenas and talking to Taxidermy models weird!

So we get Huntress's New backstory - She is Elena Burtonelli, as in Burtonelli Diamond! She wants to seek her birthright after the family were slaughtered!

Meanwhile Romin-who was about as stable as a tap-dancer in a ball bearing factory to begin with-Is losing it!-Think a female patron is laughing at him he forces her husband to strip her and make her table dance for everyone! Montoya is taken off the Caine case and, Despite having Evidence, which she got by unlawful means when she took the phone off a dead merc.

In the Space of 5 minutes, Harley's life goes up in Flames, The Police raid her flat, A crazed Man Destroys her flat with a Catapult and a flaming volleyball, Bruce the hyena is killed. But the Deepest cut is Harley Realizing her Only Friend, her landlord has sold her out-For enough money to start a new restaurant afterall, "It's only Business!"

An Attitude Harley picks up quickly as she Gives Up Cassandra to Romin

The Handover is in the Arcade of Joker's Devil Playground Amusement park, Sionis is sending Zsasz being driven by Dinah, who is Montoya's New insider, Who gets the news, Huntress also learns somehow and all the pieces are in Play. Zsasz Tells Dinah to pullover, he tells Romin the Betrayal that sets him off as he Dons the Black mask to get his hands Dirty!

Meeting Victor At the Abandoned Amusement Park from Injustice, Cassandra is duct-taped  to a toilet so she can...Retrieve the diamond, That's when a drunk Renee storms in and Fights Harley, However Harley Picked up how to escape cuffs from Cassandra and Dropkicks Montoya through a second story window, That when She gets A tranquilizer to to the neck by Zsasz, While Dinah Rescues Cassandra,

While Unconscious, Harley is taunted by Zsasz, so it's about time to introduce Zsasz properly!

"Tally Man" or simply Zsasz, is an Assassin from Batman comics, working for high-paying crims like Black Mask, The Penguin, and as we saw in Batman Begins, Reluctantly for the Scarecrow, Zsasz has killed Hundreds if not thousands, if you are unfortunate enough to to be in the way of his target, your life is remembered on his flesh as a mark on his body. each nick and scar for every 5 kills on his neck, arms, back or face, he has killed to many without learning their names, but Harley's kill will be remembered as he points out where her scar will be.

Which means it also stupid for Zsasz, who much be in constant Nerve Damage pain, never mind the risk of Hepatitis, Septicemia and Gangrene from the constant nicking of his epidermal layer, he must be wincing with every light breeze hitting him like walking through razor blades, never mind a child pushing next to him to steal a diamond without reacting once!

So Zsasz calls out Dinah feeling threatened by her  "Stealing him away" Harley fights of Paralysis as Huntress Kills Zsasz, Cassandra is free and grabs Victor's gun and Montoya climbs back up into the room, leading to a stand off, Zsasz was actually the last Person on Huntress' Hitlist of her family's killers, the Capo, Lou Ferringo's character and Zsasz were in the firing squad that day, Elena thinks she's done but, Montoya tells her it was Romin who was behind the power grab

Outside Black mask has assembled an army. Harley drops the solid fact that they must work together to protect Cassandra, Reluctantly All 5 band together 5 against 100 is a desperate last stand in a fun-house. Luckily No Joker Hideout is never not stashed with weapons, though we do have a double bluff that shows Joker moves the hiding place on Harley. As Masked men Abseil in to ambush them, they escape in a hall of mirrors they split into 5 rooms, Harley in a room of trampolines, Dinah is a room of Seesaws, Huntress in a room of Busts of Harley with long swim Noodle Tongues, As Cassandra tries to escape with Montoya escorting her, they are attacked but Huntress saves the little pickpocket!

They Regroup On A revolving Floor (Somehow Harley Having time to Put on Rollerskates During a fight!) They take out all the enemies, Though Cassandra hasn't forgiven Harley, 

Walking Out like Heroes, they let their guard down and Renee is shot by Black Mask, Out of all but one bullet, Dinah Reveals why she is called black Canary...BECOZ SHE BLE....

(SMACK!)

No it's because She has Sonic Powers, Pushing back the Gunmen as well as propelling Harley on her skates towards Romin's car with Cassie Inside.

Losing Momentum Quickly, Harley is now towed by Huntress's Motorbike, Killing the occupant of a car and causing Romin to Crash his it a foggy Statue park on a pier, Not able to discern who is a person and who is a statue, Romin taunts Harley to waste her last bullet from the shadows That when Cassie struggles free from Romin to reveal she stole the ring off a grenade Harley gave her and planted it on Romin. The last thing we Hear from Romin before falling off the pier as Shark bait is a sound like Zsasz's Butt-plug fell out of him!

And so our Adventure Ends, Cassie gets the Diamond and Elena Decipher's it's secrets...somehow and regained her family fortune, Renee Quits the Police and joins Huntress and Canary as the Birds of prey, Harley makes Cassie her sidekick, Bruce the Hyena is found safe and well...and Most Importantly of All...Harley got her fucking Egg-wich!

THIS FILM IS OK STORYWISE-IT WOULD HAVE BEING BETTER IF THEY HADN'T FUCK AROUND WITH ESTABLISHED CHARACTERS!

This film is Harley Quinn and her Ass show, special guest her Cleavage, Part 2. Black Canary isn't Black, Cassie could talk til she was 15, and the reason i said not to google Renee Montoya because she appearance is a walking spoiler is this...

Renee would get scarred for life in the comics resulting in her having a mental breakdown and in her redemption become the Current alteration of the Hero, The Question. You trying to tell me you have a villain that rips off faces and and you couldn't connect the dots and make it work? Speaking of Black Mask and Zsasz why did they turn the two most ruthless Killers in Batman's universe and make them Homoerotic towards each other! Ewan Mcgregor Just Chews the scenery in every scene and comes of as LIMPWRISTED as they come!

If you know nothing about comics this is enjoyable enough, but comic book films exist to be enjoyed bu comic book fans! and changing other character's narrative to fit another will always attract nitpickers!

CREDITS 

Birds of Prey was Reviewed Compiled and Edited into 2 parts by Eamonn Bermingham 

With Media from

Birds of Prey

Green Arrow

I'm Alan Partridge

Batman: Streets of Gotman #14

New 52

Birds of Prey is property of Dc Comics and Warner Bros. All rights reserved.

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

IT'S A CHRIMBO WITH KUNIS! As we end the year with A Bad Moms Christmas!

Follow me on Twitter @RealEnli!

BIRDS OF PREY (AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF HARLEY QUINN)-REMASTERED!

SABOTAGE BY SLEEP-REALM OF THE NOT-DEAD!

(When we last left off, The SatanicOstrich, free from his work-prison in hell came to Earth to looking for answers to why he was free, why the Heroes of Earth is allowing a meteorite to destroy us all and more importantly, where is the Express Train to Hell? In that Order, A greater evil is stirring, It is but not from lacking of trying and The Train is mangled in said Meteor, but no sign of Eamonn.

Eamonn was taken to a faraway planet, seemingly under the pretenses of being rescued from the destroyed Earth, and seemingly married with Children to His rescuer, A humanoid women named Sabaru, who herself is the last of her kind, a Mara. But this is also a lie. Eamonn's "Marraige" is A dream-like Simulation, and Sabaru is a techno-organic Being who has gathered "Signees"those from different planets for her to clean up this "Season"-But What those this Mean?

In the Guesthouse Joejack, Mammy and Ostrich are thinking of a plan, or rather the 2 males are and Mammy, thinking the Anthropomorphic Ostrich is a "Doggy", keeps acting it to get away from the table

....So Let me get this straight, our only chance t'save Earth is gone! Our friendz in da otha Universes cannot 'elp coz interdimensional is now illegal cause of da Hole Heavenscar deal! Wot abou' Da Cosmic Entitiez, surely dey won't see the Lives of their billions die....

Oh That's were you are Wrong, Dear Heart! The Cosmic Entities see Humanity as nothing more as game, And Earth as a plaything, if your world Breaks, the Cosmic Entities will only be sad for a moment and start playing with a new one! 

So...We can't help from otha universes, we can't Bring 80's lad back and da Godz are a-holes! Am i missing anything?

....You also assume Eamonn is dead!

Wha'?

It's faint, but i could feel Magic from the Meteor, a source different from The Train's or Eamonn's Life Energy Mixed with the Shard from the Devil's Dvd-This new Power-It's Different-Synthetic-Like the Creature is Clinging onto Life by Harvesting on others.

(Mammy was watching Tv, as News Coverage was following every development of the meteorite Descent, When the news Footage Changed to a hi-Definition, Entertainment style Presentation. Excitingly Paced Sports show-Style Music Played as a voice greeted Earth!

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-THE MARA INTERPLANETARY CHAMPIONS LEAGUE PRESENTS-MAN VS METEOR-A TELEVISUAL EXTRAVAGANZA TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF HISTORY-TO RIGHT A GREAT WRONG-OUR LEAGUE OF HEROES HAVE TRAVELED BACK IN TIME TO SAVE EARTH FROM THE THING THAT DESTROYED IT! INCLUDING THE LAST CHAMPION OF EARTH, OUR TOP SIGNING, LOST TO HISTORY A HERO WHO THWARTED HIS WORLD'S SATAN MANY TIMES, DESTROYED VILLAINS LIKE THE 80'S LAD THE EMBODIMENT OF RAGE! THE WICKED CHILD AND ONCE LIBERATED HELL ITSELF!

THE HERO OF EARTH!

EAMONN!

The Remaining heroes stop in Disbelief....

TO BE CONTINUED!)

AND NOW TO OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION!

....So This film has Many Covers, but this is the one i picked up. It is so Plain! Of Course Margot Robbie is front and Centre Swinging a bat that is covered in Art, Shame that a mixture of Photo Cropping and Motion Blurring has made it unreadable. Speaking of Motion, they could have Photoshopped the cover with Motion Lines, Shadows and Comic Text for sound effects. Namely Soundwaves from Black Canary, Shadows on Huntress or Detective Montoya, who in the far back, looks like a Drunken Wrestling Mark who came straight from Her 9-5, got Pissed and entered a wrestling to show how tough she is, Also Cassandra wants your lunch Money or she will punch you in the Dick!

Our Film Starts With Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) Narrating over a cartoon of her life to the end of Suicide Squad, Her Torrid relationship with her Father, Her Abuse by Nuns, her Mishaps in Love due to Bisexuality, Her Degree for Psychology, let led her to treat, and then fallen in love with, The Joker, Leading to her being submerged in Chemicals, turning her crazy, (though it ended with her gaining his invulnerability is up for debate!) However, It Being Months Since the End of Suicide Squad and Joker Breaking into Belle Reve to rescue Harley, So she Split up with Joker....when in fact she was kicked out of the gang!

Returning to Gotham where she grew up, At first Harley is an emotional wreck, but she occupies herself with her Newly adopted pet Hyena, Roller Derby, Drinking and Of course, GBH! It's during a wild Drunken Night out with her Roller Derby friends, She breaks the legs of a rude Man, who happens to be the driver for Roman Sionis (Ewan Mcgregor), Publicly the Owner of the Night club and Ace Chemicals, but in Reality, He is Black Mask, A crazed Mobster with a Penchant of Face Stealing, as seen when a gangster and his wife are slain this way, he's also a narcissist, hence the mask, as he spares their pretty daughter....until he spots a snot from her nose and recoils in horror!

Getting in more Drinks, Harley overhears her teammates saying Harley will crawl back to Joker eventually. To Prove a Point, Harley steals an Oil Tanker and drives it into the place where it all began-Ace Chemicals! It Blows up in Technicolor fireworks Leading us to the title drop and four minutes ago!

At a Crime Scene in an Italian Restaurant, A mass murder is being Investigated by Renee Montoya (Don't search her name in DC's wikia, because her appearance is a walking spoiler!) She is a down-trodden Gumshoe who cant get no Respect Because She's (GASP!)....A WOMAN!

Renee Surmises that The other 3 Bodies were Collateral Damage, the Real Target, A Mafia Capo was not killed by Bullets, But an Arrow!

It can only be one Superhero!

.....THAT DOESN'T HAVE HER OWN SHOW!

Flashback shows us Huntress (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) who asks her Victim if she know who she is.

Honey, Not Even DC can Decide on your Official Backstory! Aren't you Batman's Daughter From Another Timeline? She accuses the Perp of being an Assassin For Black Mask, that is until the explosion happens! Investigating the scene, Montoya finds Harley's J pendant on the ground, She Surmises that Harley has Publicly exclaimed she is done with the Joker, She has lost all Immunity and has invited every victim and Bounty Hunter to her door, top of that list, Sionis for the factory she just blew up!

Hell, Harley Couldn't Even Have an Egg-Wich without rival Skaters, A scarred Lou Ferringo, Romin's Chauffer and the brother of Animal Handler who tried to rape Harley and got eaten by a Hyena, never mind all the warrants for her arrest, causes Renee to tackle Harley and toss her breakfast, Harley reacting like Gandhi got shot in front of her!

OSCAR CLIP!

Dumb Luck and an Assist by Huntress Means Harley Could Have Escaped Day One, Until Black Mask's Goons surround her, so she surrenders.

In the Police Precinct, Embarrassed, and Discredited further in front of the D.A., Who just happens to be Renee's ex girlfriend (Lucy Liu). Montoya tries to spin a connection between Sionis and "The crossbow killer" And a lost Diamond that has the treasure map to Mafia money etched onto it's atomic structure by lasers. which is why Pillar of Society, Slicey McFaysov, is putting money into Laser projection technology, Renee's lead was Romin's driver, but thanks to the bounty, He's now dead!

Renee Gets an Unknown Call, a woman's voice tell us, that a "she" has the diamond, not her calling but a little girl, a pickpocket who we saw at the roller derby.

To make Renee's Day worse, Harley Storms the Police with Pinkie Pie's Party Cannon looking for a Cassandra Caine!

That's when Narrator Harley Interrupts to tells us the film has written themselves into a corner! So a flashback from Romin's point of view is needed to the Night before when Harley was at the Black Mask club!

Remember in the 60's Batman Tv show the villains would hide in Plain sight, in factories pertaining to their gimmick, before the Modern era made them edgy and believable? Time have changed(!)

We see the Identity of Renee's new Informant, Club Singer Dinah Lance, aka the BLA.....AFRICAN-AMERICAN CANARY! Yes in the same time this was released, the Legends of Tomorrow tv show was going on, that show has the character White Canary, who kept her canon Ethnicity.

So yes~!

They kept White Canary white, and turned the more famous Black Canary black.....DESPITE THE FACT THEY ARE FULL BIOLOGICAL SISTERS!

We are not done with the stupid changes to established characters to fit this story, so this is not over yet!

In the flashback are days before the Deal with Chinese triads went south and before Sionis added 3 more faces to his collection, Sionis reveals he's evil because he didn't get enough hugs as a child! Romin Reveals he has the Burtonelli Diamond and needs every bit of financial clout to support and build a laser projector, Mr Ko refuses and...well I told you what happens next! 

Dinah Finishes her set and changes into Street Clothes. At the bar, A drunk Harley, tells Dinah the origin of the Word Harlequin, it means "Made to Serve", And the Harlequin and the Bird in a Cage have too much in Common.

A drunk Harley leaves with a strange man, and Dinah feels uneasy, and she's right. the man is kidnapping Harley for the bounty.

Dinah Kicks some ass, for those you don't know, Black Canary is a trained martial artist, something Romin didn't know about as he watches from his penthouse, it gives him an idea which he tells his "assistant", Victor Zsasz, he want's Dinah to be his new Driver!

Dinah lives in the same Projects has our new protag, Cassandra Caine, Yet another character they ballsed up to fit this narrative. They ruined Cassie the minute she opened her mouth to speak....as in SHE CAN SPEAK!

BACKSTORY!

The Character That will become the second Batwoman, was an infant stolen by lower level hood named Harry Caine, he trained Cassie to fight and kill at a young age, using the brainpower of an infant, it's said that a child of 2 can learn and understand 200 words and the world around them every day, Harry used that to make the most skilled and unassuming killer...at the cost of of Cassandra's speech and emotional development!

Instead she's a potty-mouth pickpocket because Black Canary can now be offended if I Served her Fried Chicken and Watermelon!

Cassie's Foster Parents are arguing, Cassie's arm in a cast a possible result of a past argument. But Dinah Tells her when she grows up, she will have a family of her own...

"OR YOU COULD MEET YOUR REAL MOTHER....AFTER SHE TRIES TO KILL YOU!

With her leads into Sionis now useless, Montoya tries to angle Dinah, Trouble is Dinah isn't to deep into Sionis or "cape-work"...Until Renee Brings up her mother, the hero she was and the powers her daughter shares!

"STOP GETTING COMIC BOOKS WRONG!"

Black canary 1 DID NOT HAVE POWERS! MOVING ON!

....That struck a nerve with Dinah as it seems Dinah Lance Snr was Murdered. Back with Romin and Victor, Zsasz tells his boss the "Crossbow Killer" has killed 6 of his men last night, Dinah Arrives and Sionis Brown-noses her by showing her his souvenirs of African masks, while being back-handed about African being a dirty and full of Spear-chuckers!

....and if they were using say an REAL African American Superhero like Say, Vixen and character whose powers come from African Culture, this scene would hit different!

Anyway today is the day all the players meet, as it's the day of the Burtonelli Diamond gets stolen by Cassie...as she lifts it from Zsasz' pocket, I'll explain in part 2 why one of Dc's most dangerous killers shouldn't have being okie-doked by a child, So Cassie is arrested and swallows the diamond.

That's a shame, because SPOILERS! Victor Zsasz is really good with Knives!

So we return to after the Black Mask gang capture Harley, who is about to be killed by Zsasz, when she cuts a deal to retrieve Cassie when her name is dropped, But Romin's pimp slap hits Harley so hard she daydreams she....Marylin monroe as she sings, in Harley's NU Joisery accent no less, Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend as All the Weedy looking Goons in the previous scene looked as intimidating as Back-up Dancers, reveal, that they are back-up Dancers She Snaps out of it As Romin Reminds her That his gimmick is ripping faces off skulls!

WILL HARLEY RETRIEVE THE DIAMOND?

WILL CASSIE RELIEVE THE DIAMOND?

AND WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH MAKING ZSASZ THE WAYLON SMITHERS TO ROMIN'S MR BURNS?

ALL THIS WILL REVEALED, BY HOOK OR BY CROOK! NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

Sky captain and the world of tomorrow review

(Previously on Bogger box office....
The world is under threat....a meteorite is hurdling towards Earth...And our only Hope, our Hero has being ended up in a Paradise planet....with a wife and Children?....meanwhile unabated the meteorite journey of destruction gets closer, and the Express Train to Hell crumbled in the mass of the rock SatanicOstrich is now free from Hell...which means that Earth is under threat by something more sinister!)

(We Cut to Casa Di Culchie, Where Joe-Jack is trying to man the Mission control for the Train to Hell....However this man can't even Open a door without the intrusions written on them...not helped by the him being illiterate)
Eamonn...come in!.....PLEASE YA GOTTA BE HERE.....WHERE R YA!.....WE CANT LOSE ANUDDER WAN!....
AW PUR MISSER EAMONN....
(Behind Joe-Jack and Mammie, a puff of smoke and a red flash of flame revealed a 8ft monstrosity of scales, feather, and pink lacey underwear!)

QUE PASA, BITCHES? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TRAIN?

(Joe-Jack pointed to the monitor, the wreckage of the train bent over the curvature of the massive rock,)

MY BABY! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?
(Ostrich dropped to his knees sobbing, when Mammie came over and gave him an affectionate pat on his shoulder)
Don' Worry, Doggie, I'll give you a nice bowl o' meet fer ya afta dinna!
-SHE THINKS I'M AN ANIMAL?
-She's Auld and Not Well, Tellin' her that ye r da Divil will only mak' mattahs worsht!
-Well I don't know how they can get any better!

(AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!)

You know you can Laugh at Boom Boom Bay and his Explosion Fetish, You can mock Luke Besson, for casting Supermodels Less Emotive than the CGI And rubber suits in the same film.

But here is a rare Paradox in Sci-fi, a film at it most expensive and Frugal...as 3 oscar winner actors and a skeleton crew of extras were filmed entirely in front of a green screen, Speaking of colours, hope you like black, grey and Shit Brown, because this world was painted by an Emo's Pallet

And a Boring World is heralded By a Boring Cover, Jet Black with 3 small headshots of our mains, a Disinterested Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow holding a camera and looking like she just remembered she left the oven on at home and Pirate Angelina Jolie! at the Bottom of the title, a giant robot invades the city of....BLACK RECTANGLES! And it has a skull on the front of it!

We open in the Snowy November Skies above New York as the Hindenburg 3 Flies into Landing As an Old Man Conceals Vials Into his pockets.

The Man, A German Doctor  called Vargas Asks A bellboy to Deliver a Message and a parcel to a Dr Jennings, He speaks German But the Bellboy can read English and Vargas fears being followed, the Next Day Vargas is Missing, as reported by Polly Perkins

We Cut to Polly (Paltrow) in  her office at the Chronicle Newspaper, when she is given a pair of cryptic set of clues, A book On Newtonian Law and A cinema Ticket, A message Inside the Book Tells her to come alone!

Pollie's Motivation is your Typical Hard-Nosed Intrepid Reporter, who can get any respect because she's (GASP!) A WOMAN!

So She Goes to the Cinema. the film is Wizard of Oz-IRONIC since we seem to be over the Rainbow and the colours left are brown, sepias and greys!

Polly meets the Aforementioned Dr Jennings, who tells her he was Part of a 7-man group who did experiments for the kaiser, but out of guilt Defected, Six Scientists are Missing from the group of seven, not counting the 7th man in front of Polly, and this so called Reporter is thick enough to ask "who's next to be kidnapped"
Polly....

bruh....

On  Cue, the Air Raid Sirens go off, But Jennings Gives her a name of the man involved and a blueprint of a robot. the Name- Doctor Kopf. New York are invaded by Robots that look like every Poundshop Robot ever-made. Wrecks havoc in Midtown, so the police call for Back-up: The Sky Captain (Law) Flies into view.

Bullets do Nothing, A grappling Winch Only puts Polly in danger, Only Detonating A mine and taking out a leg, does the Battation of robots retreat, It seems like Polly and the Sky captain know each other, we even learn his real name is Joe!

So This is not an Isolated Incident All players in the war have had Weapons and resources to make them stolen, Sky Captain returns to a Secret Island Base to Refuel. The destroyed Robot is sent to Dex, the q of this film, who has already already made a laser!

So Polly has sneaked onto the Island, she and Joe were a couple, But split after Polly sabotaged his plane, causing him to be captured by the Chinese, because Polly suspected infidelity, she is is about to be thrown out until she hands him the blueprint.

Turns out the robot Attacks were not the first, the Sky Captain Corp has being keeping them a secret for 3 years, usually 1 robot every 6 months, each more sophisticated than the last. Polly's intel brings very little info on Dr Toten Kopf, except he has a,Asian assistant and he ran a secret division called unit 11 and the skull logo on the robots matches the logo on his warehouse in Berlin, so that where we are going!

Checking on Doctor Jennings Safety, Joe and Polly, break into his office when he doesn't answer. Jennings is a doctor of Molecular Minimization, in Layman's terms, Shrinking Big Shit and Growing Small Shit as evidenced by a tiny elephant in a bottle! Jennings Stumbles out, as Joe Finds the doctor's attacker, But stops in his tracks when the Attacker reveals to be....(GASP!) A WOMAN!

Joe's Sudden Chivalry earns him a Karate Chop from Kopf's Asian Assistant, She escapes and Jennings Dies (Don't Worry he Gets Better!) He Hands Polly the Capsules Vargas Gave him, Which she pockets without Sky Captain Knowing!) The Secret Island is Attacked, with Polly arguing that she should join Joe. Polly is a Backseat Flier, in a sad attempt of Levity, Dex has has found the location of the Source of the signal but gets captured!

To Avoid being Blown into the Atlantic, Sky Captain can become a sub....Except last scene a window was shot out so you should be drowning right now!

Returning to base It's being overrun by Robots. With Dex Gone they retreat. Polly finds a stick of Gum and a laser erected against a stone pointing up. At the underside of a girder, Stuck on By Gum is an Atlas Page on Nepal. That must be some sticky-AF Gum to stay there for 2 hours!

On the Long Flight to Nepal, Polly goes Through Jennings Briefcase he was holding when they met, they find Photos of Kopf and a Logbook of every Stolen Resource So far

Landing in Tibet, They Meet Kaji, Joe's Old RAF friend Played by Omid Dwadji, Polly tells Joe she doesn't trust this Muslim man she just meet.

DID YOU KNOW THIS FILM CAME OUT IN 2001?

That Night Kaji tells Joe the signal is being Transmitted from a taboo place...Shangra-La!

With Kaji as his Sherpa, they find Shangra-La, but instead of Verdant fields they find a Futuristic Dome, and an abandoned Mine.

Amidst The Frozen Machinery and Quickly abandoned Living Quarters, Joe Finds a Geiger Counter and switches it on, Finding the whole Mine is contaminated with Uranium....they then realize that Polly is missing so she has to be rescued, because she's (GASP!) A WOMAN!

The kidnappers are after the vials, that Polly pocketed without Joe knowing, after getting them, Joe and Polly are trapped in a vault.

After Bickering, they are rescued by Kaji, but the vault is filled with Dynamite as it explode they dodge a fake green screen explosion that would make Mortal Kombat ANNIHILATION, Proud! Knocked out in the snow, Kopf's Hot Asian Assassin, steals the Vials.

Because they have written themselves into a corner, the heroes wake up naked in Bed with each other, they have being rescued by the people of Shangra-La, or what's left of them. most had being captured by Kopf and made to work in the mine til they died, The heroes clothes were irradiated, so the men are given....exactly the same clothes they had, except Polly who also got a new haircut as well! The only Survivor weak and cancer ridden gives Sky Captain a staff and the Instructions to "Follow Rana" In Return the Survivor wishes for one thing-His Death!

Leaving Kaji, the Staff is actually an Astrolabe, A device for Gaining Direction Under Stars. Assuming "Rana" is the North Star and using the Current Date and his Navigator's Journal...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3fVj8A-K8E
He Determines that the Co-ordinates Lead to....Nowhere!

 Worse Still, his plane is running on empty, but they are close to a RAF refuelling Station, Manned (and i use the term loosely!) By Frankie Cook, You'll get that joke in a minute.

The Outpost is a Flying Fortress, operated by Frankie (Angelina Jolie) So Polly spends all the time staring daggers into Joe For not saying Frankie was (GASP!) A WOMAN!

From Outta Nowhere, Robots Torpedo Onto the flying Fortress, British Reconnaissance have discovered an island equal to the Co-ordinates the Sky Captain was flying towards!

The Torpedo Docks on Kopfs Island is the Only access in, but the British captain has an Ace up her sleeve-the Amphibious Squadron-20 Pilots including herself in Planes that also turn into subs, they also have fishbowls over there heads over normal uniforms so Bam! No Compression

The Amphibious Squadron are attacked by a Giant Enemy Crab!

Quick Attack It's Weak Point For Massive Damage, Frankie Jettisons her plane into the crab, but before Attacking, Frankie Jettisons her Jetpack to escape and that's all of Jolie's screen time!

The Island is Prehistoric ,as evendenced by the Diametra, MegaPhyton and Pterodactyls, But Polly has only one shot on her camera left! So turns out Polly did Sabotage Joe's Plane, But he really was a cheating Douche.

Venturing inside the Factory, We see why Jennings was targeted Miniaturized Animals are being caged and transported into a rocket, Kopf is building an Arc after he plans to Level Society.

Sneaking around is not an option, when Polly's High Heels kicks a loose pebble that hits the Metal Grating Loudly, But are rescued by a flying car manned by Dex, Vargas and Jennings...somehow! He was dead but looks like he got better! They fly off to escape a Battalion of Robots!

We Learn what is in the Vials -"Adam and Eve"-Human Embryos for Kopf's Aryan Eden in Space, and When the Rocket Reaches 100ft the earth will be Incinerated! Kopf is too well guard No-one has seen him!

Dr. Vargas tries to Enter the Inner Sanctum only to be electrocuted to death by 2 Tesla Coils that form a hologram of Kopf's Face (AND YES THAT IS LAURENCE OLIVIER'S FACE AND VOICE!)

"I AM OZ, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!"

Tearing Wires out of the generators, during a long-Winded Villain speech, The Heroes enter the chamber they find Dr Toten Kopf...Long dead!

WHAT A TWIST!

His plan was automated from the get go

Joe is told how to Disable the rocket, But he wants Polly of the Island, So he Kisses her...then knocks her out with a punch!

Looks like Sky Captain took relationship Advice from Chris Brown!

So Dex, Jennings, and another professor they didn't bother naming (PLAYED BY JUDE LAW'S DA!) , escape, only to see Polly is gone. Sky Captain attacks the Nameless Asian, Only for Polly to hit her with a staff to reveal she is a robot?

Why would A Nazi, make a Perfect Android....AND NOT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A WHITE PERSON?

Y'KNOW WHO CARES? THE SOON I FINISH THIS THE SOONER I CAN PICK THE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!

After Polly punches Joe, they enter the rocket, wanting to save the animals, Polly presses the Emergency Release to free them, Cutting the Wife at the last minute, activates the rescue pods, Polly and Joe crash down, as the animals regain there natural sizes, In the amazing sight of a tropical Island with every animal on it. Polly wastes her last shot of her camera to take a picture of Joe...Only for him to tell this so-called ace reporter....she had the lens cap on, all the time!

(WAH-WAH SOUND EFFECT!)

OH POLLY!

YOU...WOMAN, YOU!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

This may be both the most visually and lierally dullest film I ever watch! The scenes are devoid of Colour, the acting and delivery of Modern Actors trying to act like those in the golden Age comes of as hokey, Not helped by the Stinted Dialogue, Sky Captain is An arrogant, smug Jackass, Jolie is basically a cameo, and Polly is just "HELP ME! I NEED RESCUING BY A BIG STRONG MAN, BECAUSE I'M A DUMB WOMAN!" How do you make a film about Giant robots. and shrink-rays and Shangra-La, and rockets, and bring Laurence Olivier Back from the dead...AND MAKE IT AS BORING AS SHOE SHOPPING?

CREDITS

Sky Captain And the World Of Tomorrow was reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)

With Media

From:

Sky Captain and the World Of Tomorrow

That Mitchell and Webb Look

Command and Conquer

Dr Who

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow was Produced by Paramount. All rights reserved, All Media used belong to there respective owners!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

Stay tuned to my Twitter page @RealEnli, because i will announce the name of the Halloween special really soon!