Eamonn reviews Ready Or Not Part 1

 Today we Discover One Of Fox's Very Recent Horror Success Stories. A Sharp Twisted Romp Down the Aisle and Into An Open Grave. So With that in mind Let's Dig into Ready Or Not.

First Lets Talk About, Like we Always Do, With the Cover of the DVD.

This is by far the Most Gorgeous Piece of Poster Art I've seen in a Long time. It's Very reminiscent of a Drew Struzan's Work, Even though it's All Photos and not Painted Images, But the Balance of Light and Shadow and Sepia toning and the Premise of a Murderous Family in a Gothic Mansion and you got a Cover that Grabs Attention.

We Open With 2 young Boys Running through a Mansion With Shelves Lined with Board games with Suspect names like Family Ritual and Le Bail's Gambit, Running from a wounded man. The Older of the boys, Daniel tells Alex to hide in a grandfather Clock, While the Wounded Man dressed as a Groom pleads for help. Only for Daniel to sell him Out, Soon Both are Surrounded by Cloaked and Masked Figures and a crying Bride as the Groom is Struck with an Arrow and Dragged away through Double Door as A woman Reveals her face to Her Son Daniel and tells him he Did the Family proud.

30 Years Later and a Bride named Grace (Samara Weaving) is to be married into the very same Family, In fact it's to Alex she is betrothed to, But she feels like her new family hates her because they think he is a gold-digger. Daniel arrives to tell his Brother the Priest has arrived, But Alex wants her not go through, Knowing full well what happens next when anyone wishes to join the Le Domais Games Family.

After the Wedding and Being Sized Up as a Gold-Digger, We get some Foreshadowing Planted, How a Great Aunt is Staring Daggers, How an In-Law is running Late is An Idiot but is "One Of Us" and Just Double Entrendres about Sacrifices and Being Heartless and Soulless.

It's The Wedding Night and Just as Things get Frisky, The Grand Aunt walks through a secret Passage, Telling them that "That is a Terrible Hiding Place". She Tells them that It's nearly Midnight and the Game is Ready. Confused, Grace is Told that when ever the Family is married into, the new In-law must Prove his worth in a game, Selected by a Deck Of cards (Without Mentioning of course, that the game is Worked into being a Murderous Ritual!)

So In front of the Whole Family and Servants, Grace tells Her Mother in Law, Becky (Andie McDowell) She was a Foster Child

Great, She was simply Chosen because noone will miss her.

A Child Runs In wearing the same Masks worn 30 years ago and seeing it Gives Daniel PTSD! Grave is lead to the Room that the Groom was Dragged through 30 years ago and reveals a Room that looks like a Hunting Lodge, On the table a shuffled Deck Of Cards. the Top Card will be the Night's Festivities, Revealed to be a game of Hide And Seek!

THE GAME STARTS WEDNESDAY JUNE THE 1ST ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

Ticket to Heaven: Code Lyoko: Return to the past, now!: The Final Episodes: Stronger, After All!

 ("Grabs Can, pulls Tab")

It's Time.

After 5 YEARS OF REVIEWS Let's Pour one out for the end of Code Lyoko.

Episode 93, Down to Earth starts with Jeremy, giving the warriors good news for a change! He has created Something from the universal reset, A multi agent system to Counter the hundred fold processing power XANA now wields against them, Destroying it and it's forces for good, But before Jeremy even considers using his new Program, William has to be rescued, which can only be done when Aelita destroys the supercalculator that powers the ice Replika, While Someone destroys William's  avatar, which is easier said than done!

After what seems like forever Fake William returns, the Naive Program is told by Jim "his" parents are here, Since our heroes have being working on keeping William's Kidnapping and Brainwashing a secret, the many lies used to cover up Williams absences are slowly unraveling, Not helped by Fake William himself saying he is a Program when Jim calls him a "Piece of Work"

Odd and Aelita are Energized back to Siberia, While Yumi and Ulrich have the tall order of killing William. Yumi does ask if Ulrich please not be jealous if William chooses to Befriend her, But Ulrich denies that he still has feelings for her.

We see what the brains from the last episode may have been used for, as it looks like The Rushkis were making killer robots in 06.

Leading the charge on the back of a Manta, William enters stage right while in Russia, the killer robots are on the move towards the away team. 

Meanwhile the Kollosus rises from the Digital Sea, But Jeremy uses an incomplete version of the Multi Agent System to freeze the Kollosus in a new ice floe, Odd holds off the robot army as Aelita hacks the system. As the Kollosus breaks free, the plan fails... except Odd died on Earth which means as William takes time to gloat, Odd Snipes him with an arrow. 

William is now free but the Skidbaldnir, central to Replika Travel, is now destroyed. A bait and switch while the adults are distracted and William is Returned, who vaguely remembers what happened to him, only that he was under Xana"s Control, Hopefully he can return to being the William everyone knew....and that worries Ulrich.

For all intensive purposes, Episode 94 is the Real Finale, as episode 95 is more of an Epilogue and clip show than anything of merit. This is the final chance to fuck XANA, and by that I really mean...we'll keep Reading!

We open with Aelita having a Prophetic Nightmare of Franz, in his Guardian form, Dying from an Attack in Carthage. 

Waking screaming from a nightmare, Aelita takes a fanservice shower (THIRTEEN YEARS OLD!) She meets Jeremy for the big day, the final battle, which Jeremy will see to the end, even if it means he dies of exhaustion.

William realizes that while he was gone, Something happened to convince people he wasn't and to make him feel unwanted our heroes balk on him sitting for lunch, Aelita and Yumi agree that to avoid this from happening again, They can be friends with William, but he cannot rejoin the Warriors.

As Jeremy finishes the Multi-Agent Program an email claiming to be Franz Hopper is sent to his computer. The Time has Come, even William wants to score, But Is waved off, But it doesn't stop Sissi from sticking her nose in. However William does come in clutch to distract Sissi as the others get to the factory.

When they Arrive So does William, He wants Revenge, But Jeremy Proposes to Only Virtualize William as a last resort.

Before The Battle, Aelita says he Goodbyes to her Father. Xana Attacks and Repossesses William. Poor Sucker can't catch a break! Jeremy is out of action, so Yumi Commits Sudoko to return to deal with William, Ironically being Stalked by an obsessive William, once again!

Franz has sent all the data he owns to Jeremy, but for it to work, it has to be launched in the one place where all of the data will reach all of Lyoko: Carthage. Meaning Aelita's Dream may play out. It took Everything Ulrich had, even his body, but the Kollosus is destroyed! Ulrich is not done yet, he has to save Yumi.

The Events of Aelita's Dream comes to pass, as Franz uses his life energy as a catalyst to Start the Multi-agent Program, for the last time Aelita activates Code: Lyoko and xana is Fucked, because Jeremy had Based the design of his Program....on Sperm! 

"GET AROUND, ROUND, ROUND, I GET AROUND!"

The Replikas are gone Xana is Violently expunged from William's Body as the last time we see is Aelita return to Earth, held gently by Jeremy as She Cries over Her Father. The World is saved but at a cost!

Echoes is a Clip Show and Epilogue, There is some things of merit and that's because Sissi learns the truth and tries to expose them after learning from Jeremy's Video Diary which he kept because his memory was wiped every time he used Return to the past on the Begining, that Sissi had directly or indirectly interfered in their mission. (She did Betray the Team in the Origin Story after all) the others except her as friends.

And I Know what you are going to say!

"BUT EAMONN, THE STORY IS NOT OVER WHAT ABOUT CODE LYOKO: EVOLUTION? YOU SAID YOU'LL TALK ABOUT CODE LYOKO EVOLUTION WHEN YOU GOT TO THE FINALE!" 

OK I WILL!

Code Lyoko Evolution.......SUCKS!

In 2012, to Grand Fervour online, a Live Action 3D animation sequel was announced. Hype caused by for how this show, Now driven to cult status by Lovers of animation and Retroviewers was high, to the point there were even interviews with the actors with their faces obscured by the faces of their characters, to prolong the mystery. It sucked that the show didn't make it to Europe Dubbed, but on YouTube someone made sure that the show was Subbed before the Dub was Dropped.

They Dropped something alright.

Despite the upgrade to the 3D, the Casting was mocked for its Choices in actors who for named minor Characters, were either the wrong hair Colour,

Sissi. All that build and they just give you one line.

The Wrong Age,

Mrs Hertz

The wrong Size,

Off course, your Comic Relief Gym Teacher should be fat, that's the joke!

Or in the case of Sam, The Wrong Ethnicity!

But as the Quality Control of this Last season can Attest, You can ignore Visual Hiccups, if the story is good,

Code Lyoko Evolution's story is not good!

Xana is not dead, but now a Ghostly  bowl cut Child of Ambiguous Gender, who data was accidentally imbued onto our heroes that he can collect by hugging them and draining their souls. Our new Villain Professor Tylon is a a greedy capitalist, Who wants Lyoko because SHUT UP! Who is also an allegory for Climate change deniers because he doesn't believe XANA exists, Five Minutes of the show is wasted on Odd Trying and failing to impress Sam, But the worst thing they did was introduce a character who broke the fandom

It's time we talked about Code Lyoko's own Megaforce, let's talk About Laura Gauthier.

First of all, Don't Attack Actors for playing bad parts in badly written shows, Don't do that! Plus the show came out in 2012, when they were teenagers, so 1, they probably don't remember, and 2, she is probably a lot better she was back then, So I'm Stopping it before it starts!

So the character of Laura was Introduced in universe as a second Control Room Operator. As a Story Device, Laura made sense, after all, 2012 was 6 years after the show ended, a Show while it aired on Cartoon Network, was not produced by Warner Bros, so CN had no obligations to repeat a show they had no say in, and given said show was left on a website to rot, people who watched the entire show were few in number anyway. So Laura is a writing tool called an Audience Surrogate! She was the new kid at school, who like the audience, needed to be explained the backstory to move the existing story or world building of something not of the norm. It's a Trope that is used a lot, the best examples being Rose Tyler from Doctor who or Gus Griswold from Recess.

But Laura soon became a Mary Sue Character, wanting Jeremy-Senpai to Notice her, leading her to put Aelita in danger all because she wanted Belpois' Bell-End! So to make sure she doesn't fail again, just like old times, they wipe her memory,

..... only to be Kidnapped by Tylon Cooperation, showed footage of the avatars and she blabs their names, because she has no memory on keeping it a Secret. 

Oh and the show ends on a cliffhanger, Anthea Hopper, Aelita's mother is alive, and married to and works for Professor Tylon, so we have a show that will never be resolved.

Back to season 4 and it's a mixed bag, Without the show ending it's run on TV, Quality Control Standards are not the same as they were. But you can ignore that is the story is good, and apart from some filler and the disaster that was the second half of Distant Memory, it's didn't defer from the story too much!

For Character Development in season 4, Of all the minor characters, Jim and Sissi get the most development. Jim, whose stories of World Travel, Myriad Employment and Badassary are proven true and gets the respect of Jeremy when Both are driven to use Jim's Survivalist lessons in practice! Sissi continues to be an annoyance, and as rushed as "Stop being a Racist Jerk and we can be friends"  seems out of context, learning that she played some contribution to world domination, caused Sissi a nervous breakdown, So she's not completely heartless.

What's this?

A Jerk in a French Cartoon, Getting a Redemption Arc.... That Sticks?

Take Notes, Miraculous ladybug!

With the Least character development is Odd who gone through Flanderization instead, All Odd does is Chat up girls, Eat or Tell bad jokes. He gets more stupid as he turns superstitious in one episode and caused the events of Wrong exposure to happen, even his own arc fails as though it leads to Sissi being more friendly, She is not Odd's Girlfriend in Evolution and she only gets one line of Dialogue. Kiwi gets more Development than his owner!

Yumi have the "Will they, won't they" Storyline after the break up and nothing else, with Ulrich getting no resolution on his parents, Especially his father.

While Yumi has more of a presence, I hate how Generic they made Yumi's Costume for season 4, Changing it from a cool and Contemporary Geisha to a Generic Ninja, this during a time in 2004 to 2006 every kids station had at least one ninja themed show and for Code Lyoko a French Show to just boil down its only Asian character to just a ninja is so disappointing. It gets worse in Evolution as her Fan Weapons are replaced with a Bo-Staff.

Jeremy Despite his little Freudian Excuse if his Multi Agent System looking like that! Jeremy proves to be a tough nut to crack emotionally, if course Xana is a threat, but if Aelita, the main target of attacks can relax, then Jeremy usually follows suit, but it had lead to mistakes, or put in a Situation when making Xana stronger with returns to the past was the only solution. He has being more keen to run into danger though rather that hedging his bets to get to the factory, especially when Aelita Is In Danger

Speaking of, Aelita goes through a somewhat Bipolar Direction, Sure her Focus is on life after XANA is Destroyed and While People Criticize Aelita falling into the trap in Distant Memory, She went In to Give her father a piece of her mind for abandoning her In Lyoko for 12 years.

William is a tale of two characters, the Naive Pungeon master Fake William, and the mind controlled brooding Edge lord, sadly this is nothing like the Revenants of Mortal Kombat, the heel turn doesn't make him guilt trip the heroes, no William just growls and speaks like the Hulk. And despite just looking like a black Boiler suit because EVIL! There is actually a lot of Subtext here.

His Buster Sword and Corset armour are based in the real life German knights, the Doppel Warriors. Now Consider in Xana awakens, Jeremy calls the avatars the result of  scans of one's subconscious and though Williams avatar fits in the seasons where everyone is put in Boiler suits, there are hints of his worse nature in his second form.

Consider This:

William is based on a Doppel Warrior. Named after their Two handed swords. Doppel is German for Double, but we know Doppel from a more sinister Phrase.

Doppelganger.

A spirit who kills and Replaces the original.

He wants to replace the German.

In meeting Yumi, he wanted her to be his. He has been obsessive before, graffiti tagging the name of a girl on the walls of his previous School. The corset is probably a nod to his Tortured Soul, as in his pretentious ramblings in his debut episode. But to do this his avatar has a smoke power that is faster than Ulrich's Super Sprint. His sword is bigger and stronger than Ulrich's (maybe he's compensating for something?)

In Season 4, Under Xana's  dark design, Edict is taken up a notch. Granting him upgrades to every heroes power. Turning simple Childish One-upmanship to a message of Domination.

For a 4 season show with 95 seasons, even a Children's Show is now unheard of. Especially for a Cartoon Network show that was created by an Independent Studio Like Monscooop later Taffy Productions and Because of that it was an Uphill Battle, that Moonscoop eventually lost, relegating it's season 3 and 4 run to a website. As for it's Legacy, Code Lyoko is underrated, as it comes from the end of the Terrestrial vs Cable Era. You could only watch Code Lyoko on Satellite, and hope the national Stations would pick up certain shows for free! Sadly Code Lyoko suffered the same Kiss of Death, Avatar the last Airbender Did: It got Dubbed into Welsh! (While Avatar got Dubbed into Irish) If your Show got dubbed into Irish, Scots Gael or Welsh when the rights got sold to Britain, Then it was over, Sky was too expensive, and the consensus was if you had to PAY MONEY! to understand the plot, then THANK YOU, FUCK YOU, BYE!

It wouldn't be til the advent of Retroviewers, that people would remember the show and make Videos and Blogs (like this one!) lauding over the Mature Storytelling and Smooth 3D Animation. (everything from the Origin Story beyond still holds up!). The Story is not perfect though, It starts In Media Rias like all French Cartoons and the English voicecast can grate at times.

Another Factor in it's Supposed Failure is the It's Presence as a toy franchise. When you toys are being sold in Newsagents and Poundshops, It's Bad News. However this brings me to a funny story. By 2007 kix! (Now Pop Max!), a channel like Pop, shows Franchise programming on freeview, with Code Lyoko as it major shows. So Imagine my Surprise at Christmas of that year, the Pound Shops In Wexford Town was swamped because they sold Code Lyoko Toys, all because A free-to-air channel gave the show a new lease on life. 

Sadly, the same could not be said of it's Video games, the first Rise of Xana was a mix clunky mix of 2d Point and Click and unplayable Platformer Riddle with Camera Screw. But what do you expect from a Company called the Games Factory, they just crapped out a Basic Platformer and slapped a franchise on it!

Later on there was Test-Footage for a MMORPG, but that fell to the wayside.

A series of Young Adult Book were published following a College Aged Odd and a Mysterious Girl called Ava, Sadly the books were only Available in French and Italian.

Code Lyoko was a show before it's time, From a small Studio which Became the Little Engine that Could, Developed from a short called Garage kids the Show became Moonscoop's biggest hits. But Sadly, Taffy would Close it's Door after creating that hit-or-Miss Fantastic Four Cartoon. But before then they created other shows, Noticeably The Cinematic scaled Oban Star-Racers and I.N.K.-Invisible Network Of Kids, which you should look into because it stars the C:L Cast In a more Comedic School Based Spy Drama that if you close your eyes and Listen, comes of as a Code Lyoko parody!

Like Teen Titans Go! But Without All the Disrespect to it's Fandom!

For Me These Reviews Have Being the Best 5 years of My "Career" as a Journeyman Reviewer, But all Good things must Sadly come to an End. It has Being Fun doing this on the month i can't or won't be working on a PPV,  and of Something grabs my Attention, Whose to say that this Would be my only foray into an episode to episode Retroviewing?

Next time It's back to Business, all the fallout from the Storyline part of Ticket to Heaven which is ongoing at enlightenedtowers.blogspot.ie, when we are invited to a white Wedding soon to stained Red, In Ready Or Not!

Follow me On Twitter! @RealEnli! 

TICKET TO HEAVEN: CODE LYOKO RETURN TO THE PAST NOW! EPISODES 91-92: STANDING REAL TALL!

 Today we start with Bad Connection, which is Funnily Enough, was the plot to what was the current Stephan King Novel at the time, Cell. In which a Mobile Phone Signal turned Normal People into Murderous Hordes.

This Episode is also the end of Odd's Arc (Which is Funny, because he never really had one!) Odd's Parents are Coming to see their son"s Film, But Odd finds his parents Embarrassing, not that they are uncaring, but the opposite, they are Supportive, in fact too Supportive, to the point of coddling. If only he had Structure, he wouldn't be as stupid as he is, if only his parents weren't too Loving (!)

Meanwhile Aelita, Daughter of the Terrorists who created the thing trying to kill all humanity is like "BOI!"

Well, we see where Odd gets it from, as both his parents During the parent teacher laud over everything Odd does as a good thing, Without letting Mr Delmas get a word in edgewise.

The Night of the Screening and Xana Possesses all but Sissi, (who in a scene asks her father to fix a flip mobile, and unscrews her screen by accident) and soon Odd is on the run by an angry mob headed by usually blasé parents, in an ironic twist that not even M Shite Shittyfilm would put in his Shitty Films. But the Glutton is stuck in the Cafeteria, So it's Not that Bad!

XANA has also planted a bug that doesn't allow more than one vehicle at a time, meaning they are sitting ducks for Mantas when the tower is on top a giant Mesa, Soon the Overwing is destroyed leading to Yumi and Ulrich to dangle over the edge as Aelita flies towards the tower.

Back in Reality, The Raged up Victims are not Possessed In the usual manner, so they have no powers or increase in speed or strength, Meaning in fairness Odd can take our any of the students easily, but not the entire pack, thankfully Sissi is here to help. Back on Lyoko Ulrich and Yumi fall, Aelita creates a platform, the first time we see Creativity used midair, only for them to be repeatedly shot by a Krabbe, as Sissi are Odd are captured and forced onto the roof of the gym.

Yumi and Ulrich Sacrifice themselves to safeguard Aelita long enough to deactivate the tower, and after the Return to the past, Odd's Payoff is him using his film to confess his love to Sissi...and By Filming her when she sleeps!

Cold Sweat is the Yumi/Ulrich Payoff and it would be filler if it wasn't for well, Keep Reading. Odd has Played a Prank on Yumi, Giving the Junior Reporters and Embarrassing Photo of her, So Odd asks Ulrich to take the Blame, which she Does, which messes up the Dynamic, meaning Yumi teams with Odd and he milks her for why she didn't get the Joke. When Yumi asks Odd why Ulrich would do that Odd makes up the Excuse he did it for Attention and she buys it! . On a New Replika of the ice Zone, Yumi and Odd energize into Siberia. 

Only to be met by An Energized William. Inside the lab, Xana is cloning Brains. As Aelita enters the Tower, she Surmises that if this tower is used to Power William, his Stolen Avatar Data could be retrieved to Bring Him back to Reality, So She hacks all she can to send to Jeremyand when she Deactivates the tower, William is forced to Lyoko and to retreat, But XANA has something else. Jeremy's Scan picks up that 100 Supercalculators around the globe are giving their full processing powers to run something Big and it Emerges from the Sea.

Sacrificing the power of all the remaining Supercalculators on Earth, XANA unleashes The Kollosus, A continent-Sized Golem, who with one swipe of it's Blade-Arm Destroys Ulrich, Aelita and the Entire ice block they were standing on. With No Choice, Jeremy recalls the away team from Sibera and makes a hasty retreat.

The Situation is Dire.

XANA controls 100s of supercalculators containing Replikas, which cannot be destroyed if Kollosus is there. A change of Strategy is needed, but at least William's days are numbered.

Not that it matters, but Yumi kisses Ulrich on the false pretense that he did the prank for her attention. Only for Odd to confess straight after her Coming out with all her feelings about it to him, So as Revenge, gives the Junior Reporters photos of the boys coming out the shower, As Ulrich chases Odd across the playground.

NEXT TIME WE FINISH TICKET TO HEAVEN'S REVIEW COMPONENT AS WE COVER THE FINAL EPISODES , THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND THE IMPACT THE SHOW HAD ON THE WORLD. 

As such don't expect it to be out on Tuesday, But do know that the script is being written right now! When It's finally done, Join me in giving Code Lyoko the Send-Off Cartoon Network NEVER did! As for the Last time Ever,

WE RETURN TO THE PAST 

NOW!

TICKET TO HEAVEN: Code Lyoko: Return to the past, Now!: Episodes 88-90: Will We Make It Through?

 So the Premise of Cousins, Once Removed is the Daniel Cooler Daniel Meme, But in a twist, This Patrick character, despite looking like Ulrich dressed as James Dean, and having his voice actor, is actually Jeremy's Cousin! Jeremy is the one who needs to learn a lesson on forgiveness and asking for help....

.... A lesson he wouldn't have the need to be driven home, if Patrick and Sissi didn't break into Jeremy's Room to teach him a lesson by hacking his programs with Herve's help, Leaving The Skidbaldnir weak to attack, while Xana Possesses Sissi and Herve, While Aelita is attacked by a squid with a drill-bit for a thorax, called Kalamar in it's one and only appearance

Jeremy switches off the electricity at the mains to stop XANA/HERVE hacking the files, and to save his cousin's life, He tells Aelita to Launch s return to the past, ending the episode, quite literally, having A do-over...until we learn Patrick was never going to Enroll here, So Patrick got Chuck Cunninghamed 

But that was a our last Filler Episode, with 6 shows left, the kid gloves are off!

Episode 89, Music To Soothe the Savage Beast is the conclusion to Aelita's Character Arc, Her Rediscovered Musical Talent that had led her winning a competition to be an opening DJ to a band we previously met, But she is suffering from stage Fright, while Odd continues to be the classroom Casanova, by trying to blag an extra ticket for background character of the week. But the  pressure is getting too much, not helped by Jeremy working through the night, So an upset Aelita leaves the ticket for him. Odd gives Odd a ticket on the condition she is Ulrich's Date.

It's the night if the concert and Odd's Dirty Dealing Bites him when Sissi and the Background character reject him, Yumi lies to a nervous Aelita that Jeremy is here, but he isn't. Xana attacks and because Jeremy stayed at Kadic Academy to detect it, he can warn the others, but it's too late, Xana possesses a Road Manager to kidnap Aelita as Chris' band start without her, as an Extended remix of the shows intro plays out as Ulrich deals with a possessed Millie and Tamiya, as the Possessed Roadie, Sophie brings an unconscious Aelita to the factory to virtualize on Lyoko's Mountain Zone, Surrounded by Monsters and William, as Yumi and Odd Join the fray, Jeremy tying up XANA/SOPHIE after she is knocked from behind. But XANA/SOPHIE frees herself and knocks out Jeremy, tampering with all his best laid plans. William kills Yumi's avatar, Just as Her Fans Finish him off!

An Errant Lightning Bolt by XANA/TAMIYA Blasts over the hall, which the band takes in stride, playing an extended version of the show's Outro as the fight reaches its dramatic end. It also has lyrics!

ContentID no longer allows me to link music anymore so instead check this episode out! Jeremy launches a return to the past and attends the concert, backstage the couple forgiving each other for their past actions, as Aelita takes to the stage as her friends cheer her on!

Music To Soothe the Savage Beast is A Terrific Episode, It has Character Development, Humour, Action, Fanservice (In Music and A new DJ Costume For Aelita) and the best part? Realizing that Aelita's arc was put on the Backburner for a long time, They give us a lot with it never feeling Rushed!

And it get better in the Last Episode we cover Today, Wrong Exposure.

Desperate on a leg up on XANA, Jeremy and Aelita Explore Her former home, the Heritage. Sifting through boxes, they find a photograph of a young Aelita with her father, Franz Hopper, in what looks like Kadic Academy's Science Room, on the blackboard are 2 equations that maybe Useful.

Odd in his quest to woo the Background character of the week, Accidentally sends the photo to Sissi, who the principal's daughter looks at it and vaguely Remembers Franz. 

Sissi shows a physical Copy to her father and he cannot believe Aelita is somehow related to one of his former employees, One that Disappeared from his house so abruptly in 1992, remembering that the Story he was told is the Aelita is her cousin, all the heroes are brought in to answer tough questions

However Jeremy uses the logic that the girl in the photo is one taken timestamped 1992, who appears to be 9 years old, meaning this girl would be 22 years old, not 13. (of course we know that Aelita was sealed in Lyoko and In Suspensed Animation, which slowed her aging by a 3rd, making her 12 by the First season and 13 by staying a year in reality.) However Delmas is not convinced and confines the heroes in the library as he does a simple search of his records as Xana attacks.

Possessing Mr Delmas to separate Aelita from the others, knocking her out to virtualize her so he can kill her, Odd Stays behind to deal with XANA/DELMAS as Yumi and Ulrich are sent to the forest zone where Xana has used the Psycozoa To implant Suicidal Thoughts into Aelita! which can only be solved by Mercy killing her Avatar!

KID'S SHOW!

But it turns out the equations which Jeremy dismissed as a Universal Reset So readily as useless, Is Exactly what he need to get out of this jam, It works at a cost of weakening every thing touched by the shockwave, Friend or Foe alike. Ulrich Powers through, carrying  a weakened Aelita to deactivate the tower, as Jeremy returns to the past.

Afterwards Aelita Explains she remembers her real Surname, It's Schaffer: Franz is her father's Middle Name, His real name is Waldo Schaffer (as in the name of the file in the second season and beyond's outro!) Aelita explains he came to work as a science teacher to lie low, but as far as anyone Asks Aelita Stones is an Orphan, though she keeps the photograph as a reminder of better times.

Next Wednesday, we have the Penultimate Episode of Code Lyoko return to the past now! as we get closer to the Final Battle. As we Return, the 1st of 2 last times, To the Past....

NOW!

TICKET TO HEAVEN:CODE LYOKO RETURN TO THE PAST NOW!: EPISODES 86-87 GIVING ALL THAT WE GOT!

 We open in an Exciting Dog Fight in the Red Zone. Our heroes Minisubs are fighting and chasing after William's Minisub. Yes inexplicably, without any reason Or  explanation why, but William has a MiniSkid Submarine now. They could explain it away, but at this point the show was on its last legs, not helped by it being relegated to a website for the remainder of It's run.

The plot of this episode, it's 86th, Canine Conundrum, is that Our heroes are sick of Odd's Unruly Dog, Kiwi. So to teach Odd a Lesson, Kiwi is locked in the factory for 2 weeks, or til it learns how to behave. Just as XANA attacks Jeremy's Room and Possesses the Kiwi-2 robot from Season 1.

Jim is hosting Penchak Silat classes for the new term, this year Yumi's brother Hiroki and his best friend Johnny are joining and Sissi is rejoining. (She had revealed in season 2 she took Silat classes to impress Ulrich. And like the Harbingers of things to come that they are, here are the Junior Reporters. Sure enough the gym is the target for a replicating army of Kiwi-2s, who seriously bite Johnny and Millie. The only way they can escape to tell Jim Everything, Since Jeremy can just erase everyone's  memories with a Return to the past later, While Odd and Aelita deal with William and a Whole Zoo of Beasties, Yumi manages to escape as Ulrich causes a distraction. Jim answers Ulrich's phone meaning Jeremy will have to launch the return program, even if it makes XANA stronger. Yumi's arrives collapsed In the lift with 2 of the robots, who attack their original creator, as he falls he mistypes a command to reload Odd's laser arrows accidentally giving him a new power, an Explosive Death Punch as if Odd didn't already has New powers on the fly. With Odd out of Action, Aelita Creates a Clone which William captures and Throws into the Digital Sea while Jeremy is convinced his girlfriend is really dead. (See even the characters in Universe know it's false Drama!)

And so we ends with Kiwi not learning anything from his confinement as he fouls Odd's trousers.

Space ODDity continues with Kiwi as the plot device, as it's Room Inspection Week once again. And Yumi is saddled with the mutt, who in turn, saddles Hiroki, who in the men in black episode once killed Odd's Tamagotchi. His worry for his dog had put the already Nonchalant Odd off his game to a replika powered by that pesky Death Laser Satellite, so destroying the super computer on board will finally end that Avenue of attack in the future. They find that the Satellite is being used official as a space station in 10 days. But unofficially Xana is using it as a factory for Miniature Megatanks. Which I will now call minitanks.

In the Replika of Carthage, XANA Itself is trying to Wipe the Skid's Data. so like season 2, Ulrich must find the Key to deactivate the traps. On the space Station. Our Away team formulate a plan to destroy the Supercomputer but make it look accidental before the Crew arrive and claim Sabotage. so they find a waterpipe to burst, just as the Minitanks activate to attack, so Odd opens the Airlock to remove them!

 

Somehow not Dead, Odd and Yumi damage the Waterpipe. Sensing Defeat William leaves and as the Replika has no power source anymore, Jeremy can delete it, and so the Episode ends with Yumi's parents finding out about Kiwi....and fawning over the creature.

Yeah. It's a short One This week, like I Said, Anything beyond season 2 is new territory for me, so i don't know what is filler and what Story Progression, However next week, Tuesday we have 3 episodes since Cousins Once Removed Is A filler! we are Moving to close to 90 episodes and sadly to the end but we will enjoy ourselves when we....

RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW!

TICKET TO HEAVEN: CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW!: EPISODES 84-85: SAVE ALL THAT WE LOVE

 

To kick off our final traipse into this beloved series, Episode 84, Guided Missiles, Jeremy has won an Experience of a life-time: a trip on a fighter jet, which Odd wanted to win, so he sent applications of all his friends (without their permission) to maximize his chances of winning. However, the prize is non-transferable. Aelita gets a postcard from Canada, despite the living computer A.I./ daughter of a wanted terrorist who's parents are both (assumed) dead and it makes her wonder if one of her friends sent it to make her feel better. Given that she died in the last episode (even though I went over that she shouldn't have!)

Later that day, Jeremy arrives at the airfield, turns out, he is afraid of flying. So they decide to just have a photoshoot In the cockpit, and film the stunts without him.

But Wouldn't You Know Who Won The Pony, XANA takes control of the jet fighter with Jeremy inside.

The Pilot, Greg, who was trapped with Jeremy is electrocuted when he tries to reboot the system. Jeremy gets in contact with the factory and tells the warriors that the fighter jet, used for as a prize in a children's Magazine, is armed with Missiles!

So XANA wants to cause mayhem before offing his erstwhile nemesis. His coordinates put him on a b-line to crash into the factory. They Have 20 minutes to save The world, to deactivate the Red Tower in the ice zone, With Aelita going without Jeremy as control, they have no vehicles to get to the tower. And to make matters worse, the air force plan to shoot the jet out of the sky!

The warriors use their tried and tested method of distraction, while Aelita legs it to the tower. But that doesn't work on William who kidnaps her.

Xana has jammed the Ejector Seat On the Jet. One by One with Aelita bound by William's Power. The Heroes are Returned to Reality, Ulrich get a shot in a frees Aelita who Deactivates the Tower. With Jeremy telling the air force about he has no choice But activate Return To the Past, making Xana stronger the next time. And so it ends with Aelita finding out Jeremy sent the postcard to cheer her up, and Odd using Jeremy's name to go the Jet Experience...and crying like a baby throughout!

We End with 85, Kadic Bombshell, Sissi Penpal from Iceland called Brindje ("Brinda") The Emponymous Kadic Bombshell, who despite turning the heads of every male student, she finds Odd the most interesting, Something that causes the girl's pangs of Jealously when she comes on strong to their respective boyfriends,(despite Yumi and Ulrich claiming...

...So the heroes have an intervention with Odd, The Jealously has caused Friction, which causes Odd to get angry and leave on a date, and Quicker than you can say Pirates of Penzance, Odd uses his identity as a Superhero to impress a girl!

Bringing Brindje to the factory, she presses a few buttons that interferes with Jeremy's systems, the Tower Warning Alarm goes off, before it stops abruptly. When Jeremy sees what he Odd has done, he kicks him off the team, Meaning the warriors are going in blind til he fixes it!

Aelita is Virtualised onto the Wrong Zone, there is another problem too, She cannot return to Reality, and despite no Attack on Earth, Xana's Monsters are programmed to attack Humans on sight. And now, William is here. Odd has chose a stranger over his friends and as Jeremy surmises,  his friends are sent to an entirely different zone as Aelita thankfully using a way-tower sends them to the Mountain zone to rescue her. Seeing Brindje swarmed by male Students at the swimming pool, Odd leaves, not that she notices. Odd arrives to save the day, just as Yumi and Ulrich are taking out. Odd apologizes and asks if they are going to return to the past. Jeremy says that wont be necessary...Turns out Sissi "Convinced" Brindje to leave early, so she can have all the male attention again, only for Odd to continue to vie for Sissi's Attention!

Because of the Bank Holiday, we are a day behind, so we will return on Wednesday with 2 more Episodes, Canine Conundrum and Space ODDity!, Don't Forget to read the corresponding Chapters of TICKET TO HEAVEN Over on enlightenedtowers.blogpsot.ie

As we continue to return to the Past

Now!

Eamonn Reviews Two Night Stand

 (FOREWORD: THE CURRENT STORYLINE WILL BE MOVED TO MY OTHER BLOG, ENLIGHTENEDTOWERS.BLOGSPOT.IE, FOR REASONS TO BE ANNOUNCED THERE ON THE FIFTH OF APRIL.)

Cover is three scenes that look like something out of a women's Magazine ask the Sexpert page, with the last picture looking exactly like the "I bet he's thinking of other Women" Meme.

Let's find out How out of my depth I really am, Let's have ourselves a Two Night Stand!

The film starts with a woman waking up from a one night stand next to a Snoring Young Man. She leaves a note (with no phone Number) and goes to leave his flat, But his front door is set to an Alarm, so she scrunches up her note and puts the blankets back over her.

We cut to sometime Before, and the Woman, Megan (Annaleigh Tipton) lies about her life on a Dating site, as she eats whole gingerbread houses in her footie pajamas, while Exposition News warns us a Blizzard is about to hit the Eastern Seaboard. 

It would be an awful shame if Not-Zendaya who shares the flat has to kick out Megan for not paying her rent, So Faiza laughs at how pathetic she is for starting online dating, She invites the waste of air Megan to a birthday of a single man described as "pretty, but kinda dumb, A perfect one night Stand" It's also a birthday party so, Free Cake!

So Megan, Faiza, and her boyfriend Cedric (the former Kid Cudi) Goes to the Club, Megan is turned away for not having ID, and bumps into her ex with a new girlfriend. So Faiza encourages her to go home and get a hookup via internet dating.

Or.....and here's a funny thought....you could tell her to PAY YOU THE MONEY SHE OWES YOU FOR RENT, YOU DUMBASS!

Back at her flat, full of ennui and red wine, Megan sets her bar low and goes Online dating, Finding Alec, (Miles Teller, Yer man from Whiplash, remember when that movie was a thing?) Neither of them done this before.

So we return to the events after Megan's attempt to peace out, and Alec goes off harder, he turns it off and goes back to sleep til his Alarm goes off with some obnoxious R&B, She calls him the wrong name, she gets defensive when he implies she's done this before, though what he meant was dating in general, for the pretty girl, but turns into an argument with both cursing each other and hoping never to see the other again! But, Wouldn't You Know, Who Won The Pony? But the Blizzard has hit and Megan is trapped in Alec's Building.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQeezCdF4mk

Because it's Christmas week, there is no snow plough or Civil Engineering, for at least 2 days! Faiza and Cedric are no help since they decided to turn the flat into a love nest to forgo their lazy flatmate paying her money, if they wanted to help her (which they don't)

So stuck in the blizzard, the two one night standers have to do the impossible: get to know each other, something the unemployed waster Megan gets defensive when asked about her career, not wanting this stranger to judge her as a stupid idiot!

So anyway, Megan Clogs the Toilet because she is an Idiot....

How it happened is that In the Bathroom, Megan finds Magazines on Dating and Psychological Profiling, and I wouldn't know, I'm not exactly beating women away with a stick, But I don't think Women like being Put under the Microscope, So she Shoves the entire page down the Porcelain Throne, causing it to overflow, During a Blizzard on Christmas. Alec deals with this by getting high.

During A game of Table Tennis,  Alec wants to know about  why Megan Cannot get a Job After Medical School, to which she answers by throwing the ping pong ball into a waste disposal unit.

So is this a Running Joke? Every time she is Evasive about it she will destroy Plumbing?

So to pass the time, What do most 20-Somethings do? Watch TV? Drink?

Bzzzt?

WRONG ANSWER!

The Correct Answer is off course, Build a Pillow Fort and eat lots of Children's Cereal!

We learn that despite doing the Mary Jane, Somehow Alec is an Assistant Manager at a bank, Doing Drugs is his way of catching up with all the rebelling you're supposed to do as a teenager. Megan doesn't partake, Because she once walked on her parents Smoking weed and watching porn. Megan grew up the only one in her class to have both parents living together, so to see them like that, doing things to spice up the drudgery of marriage, may have messed her up!

A song plays on a record and Megan tells Alec not to look, Coyly saying that if she is seen dancing, he'll fall in love with her. But I think it's too late!

Because they need to fix that toilet, Alec tries to borrow a plunger from a neighbour, but since it's Christmas, people are out of town. So they break into the flat, to steal a plunger, Megan bleeding from smashing a glass window belonging to a child's room! Alec gives her a tissue that she gives back bloodied.

PLOT POINT!

Unclogging the toilet, He reads the Offending Article, literally! It was an Article  in a magazine that offended her. So Because they are still convincing each other they will never see each other again they give constructive criticisms of the opposite sex of all the mannerisms they hate. So they have sex again with the criticisms noted, but since this is Sex Scene on a comedy film, there is jokes between foreplay and even him giving her belly a raspberry.

It's the Next Morning and there is no food left so Alec has Stole from the same neighbours. So Megan reveals that she didn't become a doctor because when she was engaged she only to the course to impress those she will meet, she always wanted to be a wife and mother, only for him to cheat for saying she is too career minded and Ambitious. Looking for a sweatshirt to wear, she finds pictures and women's clothing, learning Alec is cheating on a girlfriend with her, after everything she just said, he tells her he found a dear John Letter intended for him, but Megan is still pissed about it.

As the show stops and Civil Engineers get a shift on, Megan comes home, as does Alec's Girlfriend each finding notes that point to the relationship been over. Megan deletes her account and Faiza and Cedric asks Megan to leave....as soon as their party is over!

So let's finish this!

Because dating services can only give full names and addresses to police should their clients commit a crime, Alec has the idea to pin the break in with her blood as evidence. At her soon to be former flat, her Former classmate the cute dumb guy whose birthday it was comes to talk to her, while she is blitzed out of her mind, the police arrest her for the break-in and she refuses bail, so Megan spends new year in jail than speak to the man who put there.

Cedric and Faiza make her bail and Alec arrives with flowers and Balloons to confess his love, telling her one day she'll look it and laugh, she gives him his numbers, and tells him it will never happen. She sees the balloon reads "I AM AN ASSHOLE!" To which she laughs so that means she has to call him, so our story ends with are two star-crossed lovers, jobless, homeless and with previous that will be harder to find, but at least they have each other, right?

Meh!

Sorry for not opening the final chapter with my stolen catchphrase, but this film is Meh! The acting Meh! The premise is Meh, the Direction is Meh!

It's just a big fat.....MEH!!!!!

CREDITS

Two Night Stand was reviewed, Compiled and Edited and by Eamonn Bermingham (follow me on Twitter @RealEnli)

With media from:

Two night Stand

Regular Show

Two night stand was produced by Demarast Films and Distributed by Signature Films.

NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE AND THE ENLIGHTENED TOWERS BLOGS

AN EVENT THAT WILL SADLY END ONE OF OUR SERIES OF HIGHLY READ REVIEWS.

THE LAST 9 EPISODES OF CODE LYOKO!

IN 4 DOUBLE BILLS!

THIS IS MY STORYLINE EVENT FOR THIS YEAR, LIKE NO OTHER!

TICKET TO......

HEAVEN!

RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW!

Eamonn Reviews Burnt

 A GAME OF TWO HALVES AND NO QUARTER: BUSH LEAGUE HEROES

Eamonn had Returned from Earth secretly celebrating Christmas. but there was no merry-making to be found. Without Eamonn in tow, the Yearly rise of Zombie Tourists at Joe-jack's house was not quelled in October. This led to a big falling out that Eamonn is too involved with a lover and a child and a fake league of Intergalatic heroes.

We open with Said Lover, the Mara called Sabaru. on her planet Harmonis in an office looking at Blueprints and speaking into a crystal Ball with several faces on it. Yes, even magical artifacts have a conference call function.

So I've gone through The books and planning permission and it'll all good. The Planets have bought into my heroes exploits but it's not enough, which is where the Training School and Barracks comes in.

-but you are having trouble convincing the Humans?

-They'll come around, afterall, the feast is only good when you let the meat, Marinate. Correct?

Sabaru, felt a presence. 

Gentlemen, I Must go, A very large Bird has flown into my Crosshairs.

"QUE PASA, BITCH?"

Oh Beelzebub! You've come to visit! Let me Guess, "Earth is my Turf, Bitch!" Something like that?

No, Sabaru, We all know we won't be satisfied with just Earth. And whatever your endgame is. I HOPE! you spare Eamonn's feelings after it all comes falling down.

(Mara's eyes Darted as her Fake Smile became a scowl. For the Briefest of Moments, her eyes were purest pitch black, before reverting to Blue.

What is this, Satan? Professional Courtesy? Are we talking Shop? You jealous a former lackey is doing more to instill hope in the universe in one year, when you have underperformed to bring real despair to your backwater planet of hairless apes?

You are making the same mistake, i have always Made! I Underestimate the humans. I underestimated MY human! And by Making him YOUR human, when he Finds out the truth about his "Children" it will break him. And not in a way you want it to happen. Once he has no excuse to hold back, he won't!

I saw him punch His best friend to death to reseal Reality. Killing Eighties Lad, is what lead him to you. I'm warning you, Not as your former General, as your Friend, Drop this! Train real heroes. Settle for this planet. Live a REAL family life. Or keep going down the road your on, Your choice.

MY, MY MY, Beelzebub! what was that Saying again, the road to hell is paved with Good Intentions? Sorry, But being the last of my Kind, Kind of means i want to leave a parting gift to the world and if i die, why not by being surrounded by the ones i love and my own Kind?

"You're own kind, but didn't JUST you say....WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING?"

"Oh, well that would be telling, but all i'll say is....watch this space!"

SatanicOstrich Folded his Arms and Bowed his Head in Defeated Thought. and as quick as he entered, the flames Erupted under his feet and he was gone.

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

So Last Month I reviewed a film, I Was Generally surprised by, Badland. Will My second film i bought out of a Bargain Bin prove that  that Lightning Strikes Twice? Well Let's Dig into Burnt

"BUUURRRRRNT. ZE NU FRRRRRRAAAAGRANSSSSS BY CHRISTIAN DEEE-OR! (WITH APOLOGIES TO FRENCH SPEAKERS EVERYWHERE!)

Seriously look at this cover, It looks like a Aftershave ad! If you saw this, you would have no idea what the plot of this film was. I said it before and i'll say it again, white backgrounds and headshots are terrible covers. For comics and Dvd's

The Plot is that Adam Jones (Bradley Cooper) was a 2 Michelin Star Chef, who Threw it all away because of drugs and Arrogance.

We open in A tram in New Orleans, where we get over the shoulder view of Adam's day as he narrates. Three years ago, he was a hotshot chef in Paris, until SOMETHING! Happened that made him lose everything. Whatever the SOMETHING! was, it caused his father to kick him out of Paris. And Now he's being working in a dive bar, shucking Oysters til he had prepared 1 million, "As a Penance"

hmmmm!

HEY CHEF RAMSAY!

"HEY, BIG BOY! YOU'RE SUCH A BIG TALKER, AREN'T YA? IF YOU PUT AS MUCH ENERGY INTO COOKING AS TALKING, YOU WOULDN'T BE SO FUCKING SHIT!"

THANK YOU!

So After walking through Stock Footage of New Orleans an Airport and London. He finds himself at a hotel Owned by a man he calls "Lil Tony". We get Dumped Exposistion, turns out the SOMETHING! Was Meth, the Death of a Sous Chef, from said drug, and the abandonment of the daughter of his now dead mentor, who he left pregnant!

Big Tony invites Adam for Breakfast to discuss his plan to take over his hotel's restaurant and gain his 3rd star. As he has Breakfast he wants to me the chef he will be under, i mean over in Helene (Sierra Miller) who thinks he is a dick. you know where this going, right?

Exploring London, He Recognizes a French Sous Chef he screwed over called Michel, he runs when the Black man chases after him and attack him wanting to settle some score.

So it Turns out the Arrogant Dick, off his tits on Crank, filled Michel's restaurant with rats and called the Health Inspector. But he's here to forgive him. Back at the Hotel, Adam's Card has Bounced. So he finds a gullible fanboy called David selling Street food and tricks him into living at his house and being paid 100 pounds a week to give David Lessons. His first lesson is free. Be Arrogant, you are a chef. All Chef's are Arrogant Pricks. You need to cook with Arrogance, so your First meal of the night is as good as your last Meal. He also turn's David's kitchen into a workplace and he and his girlfriend into guinea pigs!

As Adam draws from a notebook of contacts for his takeover as he eats from a a Burger King, Helene arrives after he invited her. She is pretty uppity about the place, thus turns into a big Debate about Food Snobbery, That a 2 Euro Burger has the same cheap cuts of meat in the hotel's €20 cassoulet.

He continues on his Pretentious Tirade, Claiming that Helene hates Burger Joints because they are Consistent, and Consistent meals is like Missionary Sex. She Gets Flustered by this Statement. He claims having a Sense of Danger makes Meals Exciting.

It also Makes Adam a huge Hypocrite. Wasn't he just telling David that being a prick will make him more Consistent?

But never mind the Eventual releasing of Sexual Tension. Adam Asks the Favour of a food Critic/Former lover to stick it to Little Tony.

Simone Forde (Uma Thurman) turns up at the hotel and his kitchen is not up to par, when Tony turns and sees Adam In his whites, the penny drops; this is a setup! Desperate, Tony let's Adam have reign over the kitchen after taste the Grouse and acts like the defeated villains in Food wars!

So Adam wants the Restaurant Tony owns in London before he returns to Paris triumphant. He's building a team, David, who's a greenhorn. Little Tony, who hates him, Michel, who hates him less, Max, a guy who will be out of prison in two days, and Helene, Who Tony is worried that Adam will just bang at the drop of a hat!

Tony however sees through his game, and makes sure Adam takes regular Sobriety tests, the Doctor I'd Emma Thompson and Adam doesn't take the thing seriously

"I've taken so much, it's probably stored in my Ankles"

We meet more side characters, the Chef, Montgomery Reese who thrived after Adam crashed and burned, and the aforementioned Max, who was in jail on an assault charge. Soon Langham hotel will open, Despite Little Tony thinking Adam suffers from some sort of OCD about not having Hellene.

So he convinces Big Tony to fire Helene, So she can work for him!

Naturally, Word that Wolfgang Puckwit has Returned had not gone down well with the restaurant reviewers he didn't bang! And now Reese is here to rub it in! Naturally having a rag-tag team doesn't work out. Making a menu solely on Shock value, no longer cuts it with restaurant goers. So the next week, Adam goes in television to announce that he's Cooking at his restaurant on the house for the public for 2 weeks as Helene and her daughter, Lillie looks on!

Tony finds Helene, who is a single mother doing the school run, he tries to justify that Adam being a orphan is an excuse for him being a Douchebag. Helene Returns, But Tony had to fork out for a Sous-Vis Cooker.

Hoping to curry favour with Joe Soap, Adam Recreate a Menu of Simple Gourmet versions of English recipes, Gaining Adam's first Honest Review in years. Much to Reece's Dismay who smashes his restaurant in a Hissy Fit!

Despite the Review, Adam still believes food has to be filled with Passion and Emotion, Leading to A montage of Helene Slowly but, Obviously, Falling for him.

Now that Adam's comeback is known, The Michelin Reviewers may arrive at anytime. Tony explains how they work. Michelin sends two critics, one will stay at the hotel, the other arrives on foot, that is because the 2nd will drink and the 1st will not. One will order from the tasting menu, the other from the ala carte menu. The duo will pull out every trick in the book. Asking servers their food knowledge, ordering food to avoid an allergy, Asking for something as ridiculous as a jug of tap water, even placing a fork in the floor to see if it's picked up. So Adam wants all staff to work like they are in someone else's body. However the The French Mafia still want their Money from Adam. Helene wants the day off for Lillie's Birthday, but Adam can't lose momentum. So Adam makes a cake to make up, while Helene becomes as abrasive as Adam.

As Adam is giving his Blood sample, The Doctor tells him that Tony told her about how much he's pushing his staff and continues to distance People, Tony is worried after all, Tony is Gay and always had a crush on him for the longest time, something Adam didn't even know. He continues to distance from staff, not joining them for staff dinner.

So here's where I think this scene and the scene where Adam Bakes a cake Are out of order. At Service, Someone Orders a Cake and Adam gets Uppity about that person not being able to read that Sorbet is on the Menu and he's not using his kitchen to make a cake. (Though we see him doing that the last scene). Helene says tells Adam not to call her daughter Stupid! Yes, because Helene was not given the day off for Lillie's Birthday, she bought her here as her birthday treat! So Adam swallows Pride and makes this Rose Piped Victoria Sponge, monstrosity (IT LOOKS LIKE AN OLD WOMAN'S SWIMCAP!) And Lillie gives Adam a piece of her mind for him shouting at her Mammy!

The Next Morning, Tony tells Adam his feelings as well as Monty Reese has invited Adam to his reopening.

Adam arrives with Helene as his plus one. the trap is set as Anne-Marie, Adam's Baby Momma turns up, and Adam is upset she didn't invite him to her father's funeral. Anne tells him he had inherited Her father's Knifes.

Finding Adam upset in a fish market, Helene tells Adam about her ex-husband, and how much she thought they would always be together. Adam tells her about how He, Max, Michel and Monty all started together in Big Tony's Hotel and how they thought the same thing! But they are both the same: Both wanted something so much , the moment they put some control over it, it was gone. They and nearly shag, but Adam would only prove Little Tony Right! But only because  the Drug dealers followed him. The next Day at Service, Helene finds Adam Beaten and Bloodied and to make matters worse, A table of 2 gentlemen, had ordered and requested a jug of tap water and the waiter pick up a fork from the floor. The Michelin men have arrived.

So Adam, Angry and Possibly Cooking with a Concussion, Adam is more Belligerent as Usual, Then Disaster happens! The Michelin table have sent back their order for being too spicy.

But then Michel, reveals he put the Cayenne in the dish. He bided his time and got his revenge AT THE WORST possible time! Via Sabotage!

The revelation makes Adam go Laughing Mad. He throws his notebook of contacts into the Thames and Invades the Reece Kitchen, Drunk off his own ass to Insult Monty them tries to Kill himself suffocating himself with the bags for the Sous-vis Cooker! Adam had hit a new low, having his life saved by his enemy

Cooking his rival a Hangover Cure Breakfast, Reece gives him a sobering thought! He is Jealous of him, he cannot comprehend how he is always second fiddle to a S-class Tosspot like Adam Jones. and he figures out why! People gravitate to him because they want him to succeed! That becomes evident when Anne-Marie pays off Adam Drug debt while giving him Jean-Luc's Knifes. At the Hotel Tony has good news. he called  Michelin about Michel's Sabotage and turns out They didn't send any inspectors to London, They were two Cheapos who didn't want to pay for extra for drinks! Adam is so happy he Kisses Tony! getting him a little flustered! 

And so the Film ends with a montage showing a passage of time, when The Michelin Men do arrive. when he is told, Adam doesn't give his team any new orders because he trusts them. The order is up and we fade to black.

When we return, we see Adam and Tony giggling like schoolgirls until Adam returns to the Kitchen, the only dialogue being David announcing it's lunchtime for the staff and Everyone shocked Adam is here too!

So....did Adam win his 3rd Michelin star or.....what?

OR MAYBE THE MICHELIN STAR IS THE FRIENDS WE MAKE ALONG THE WAY!

So my final thoughts on this film and will use Food Critique parlance here. This film was Agreeable.

First the Pros.

The Director, John Wells, Definitely has an Eye for Film. For the intricate little details of the food and it's preparation. From Sienna deftly making spaghetti from dough, to salad having pomegranate seeds added one-by one with Surgical precision, to Vibrant colours to searing flames. This cinematography is Food Porn. The cast of stars are well supported by actors who are big deals back in France. And Sienna Miller can act, whenever the role requires her to wear clothes!

The Only con is pretty Simple. The Film is Boring! The Characters are one-note, the Script Predictable, the Pacing is Pedestrian. and the End which is up to debate just makes the film Hollow. A Pure 3 star film. By Next year you would have forgotten all about it!

CREDITS

BURNT was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (Follow me on Twitter at @RealEnli)

With Media from:

Burnt

Hell's Kitchen

Batman Beyond/Batman of the Future

Star Wars Episode 6: return of the Jedi

Burnt was Distributed by Entertainment In Video. All rights reserved. All media used belong to their respective owners.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE.

WE CRAWL OUT OF THE BARGAIN BIN, AND REVIEW OUR LAST CATCH FROM IT. SOMETHING CALLED TWO NIGHT STAND!

Eamonn Reviews Badland: Road To Fury (known as Young Ones in America)

I'll Level with you, I never heard of this film. And I'm Sure Many haven't.

So I was planning to Fill out this review with Storyline elements for a game of Two Halves and No Quarter. I HAD NO HOPE FOR THIS FILM I JUST FOUND IN A BARGAIN BIN! 

HOW WRONG WAS I?

....Well you'll find out as you progress onward and downward, as we cross the Badland!

 ....and to the right of this desert, overlooked by a Moon so big, Linkara is foaming at the Mouth, Paul WS Anderson is Filming his wife MULTIPASS! IN THE SHITTY MONSTER HUNTER FILM NOONE WANTED!

We are off to a Bad Start, the Menu screen for the dvd doesn't even have BGM, Signature are not a big studio, but still!

And it's Just as Bare Bones the first five minutes, as it's a Soundless Credit Roll. Black Screen and tiny White Time New Roman Text!

We Truly Open to Stock Desert Footage. The World has being Plunged into Drought and a water Crisis and now Society has Crumbled, we cut 2 men in robes breaking into a Out-Building. 

The Owner of said Building is Ernest Hoult. (Michael Shannon) shoots one of the water-thieves trying to get into the well. the second feign's sadness, even pissing himself, before turning to shoot Ernest, But Dies. the Noise Alerting a Young Mailman with a Donkey who offers help.

Turns out the Mailman is in fact Ernest son, Jerome (Kodi Smit-McPhee), and Ernest is not Fond of him referred to as anything but "Dad" . In the Distant Future, there is still one thing you can rely on! One Constant-EXPOSISTION FM- BROADCASTING PLOTLINES, EVEN IN THE END TIMES!

The Us Government has agreed to Start Re-Drilling in the Western States for water, Just as Ernest's Well gives up the Ghost, But The Government Ran Pipeline is more of A protection Racket than a Service!

So in No Uncertain Terms, The Government are Screwing over smaller farmers for big Corporations, Ernest is also hinted as being a secret Drunk, as Caleb the Foreman makes a comment about how much "Ernest Hates Being Dry"

Matters Become Worse when the Donkey Trips and becomes lame and Ernest has no qualms with Putting a Bullet in the animal as Jerome hides and cries. Ernest not that heartless as he tell Jerome, never to be ashamed to cry if you have to.

Ernest has a Daughter too, named Mary (Elle Fanning) who works as a Waitress prepping Sludge like food rations and they don't get along. She sees him as the reason Mom is the Hospital. They Discuss going to Visit her but Mary sneaks out and leaves via a mystery man's Motorbike!

The Next day the Holt Boys are at a Machine Auction. The Budget of this film has gone into Making Life-Sized CGI of Lego Technic Sets. Including The Mech that will be auctioned off, a Crawler with a Carrying Basket on 4 Pneumatic Legs that give it a Canine Like walk and mannerisms. The Holts Win the Machine in a bidding war against the Son of the Local Gambling Magnate/Mayor, Fleming Lever (Nicolas Hoult) who takes the loss by Pouting at Ernest, AGGRESSIVELY!

They Visit there Wife and Mother at Hospital in Rehab for Broken Legs. She has Prosthetic Limbs over her real Legs and Is Made to stand and walk via a network of Overhanging wires. After Visiting her, they refuel at a gas station, Trying to avoid a freeloading family using their newborn to beg. Ernest only intervenes when he learns that Robbie, the father tried to sell his Baby for Water! Ernest over hears a conversation of Robbie and Jerome, Robbie quoting the sexual Conquest of his Sister by Mary's new boyfriend, ("She Tastes like Lemon, but smells like Shit!")

That is not Why it's called Cloudy Lemonade!

As Mary paints her toenails in the next scene, Fleming comes to talk to Ernest. Actually it's to call the farmer a cheat and to take back "his" Machine. He'll Let Him Rent "His" Machine. Ernest tells him he won fair and Square, Flem can use his machine for free, just radio in a day in advance. Flem tells Ernest to Screw his Bleeding Heart. It was that reason his wive's legs were broken by the Water-men.

Down on his luck, Ernest has no Choice but to work for the same men who did him wrong, to make sure his land is irrigated, so he turns his well into an elk trap. He play-fights with his son, and tells him he has arranged a girl for him, a girl in the city, with ears Sticking  out of long Chestnut hair. he also says How proud he is of his son and how worried he is for his daughter!

FORESHADOWING!

Mary is being Turned against his Father by Fleming, Angry, Ernest hammers Mary's Window shut to keep her in the house. He should have kept a few nails to fix a board onto his shed, because, his Mech gets Stolen.

Talking to Fleming's Father Sam, a Former farmer who now makes more Money hosting Pigeon Races, tells Ernest his son sees being a farmer from Scratch as a mugs Game, and in the end, water, wealth, land, it's all really about Power! He tells his friend and rival that he was heading to the Mountains, claiming the Waterworks have Supply lines there. (We are told early that's not the case. The Watermen Deliver Supplies at a trading Post.)

Ernest sneaks to the mountains to Attack Fleming, only to be ambushed by The water-men. They think Ernest, using the mech that had being Branded with his name and Address, had returned alone to steal more supplies. Caleb and Ernest have a fight, Caleb losing his Switchblade, with his name on it into Ernest's shirt pocket in the tussle. Leaving, Ernest finding his mech, and Flem, Pouting in his sleep. The next Morning Flem, tied up and his Mecha are marched back to the waterworks to settle with Caleb. With no water, but only Vodka to drink. Ernest makes some bad decisions that will spell his end, first he unties Flem, then he reveals he found Caleb's knife on him. Then Flem Starts talking Shit about Mary. ("You only have Mary Around to Cook and Sew. Give her to me and she'll do more than that!") Fleming takes a swing at the drunk but you don't have to see straight to shoot at Point blank Range!

Waking from his Drunk Stuper, The farmer sees a Bloodied and Pissed off Fleming towering over him. Setting up the tied down man as Bottle after Bottle is poured down his throat, Screaming over the screams given by Ernest. Fleming later drives Mary away but Jerome sees a bottle of vodka rations with his father's name on it in his Jacket pocket. Jerome goes to the Waterworks with Supplies as a peace offering, where Caleb, usually Brash and Uncouth, tell Jerome the sad news, there has being an accident involving his Father and his mech

The entire town is shocked to learn of Ernest's death, Now Flem can make his move on Mary! Jerome takes a hammer to destroy the Mech (in a nice touch the air leaving the Pneumatic legs sound like a dog's whimper!), Flem has wormed his way into the Family, and it get's worse. Mary is now Pregnant!

Using Caleb's Flick Knife as Collateral, Fleming Blackmails The Watermen to make them Redirect the Supply through Holt Farm's New Well, As a Gift to the community and a tribute to their Fallen Friend, of Course (!)

Soon, the Fields regrow fresh and green, then blossom into Golden Wheat! Soon Mary marries the Murderer, But his conscience stings every time he sees Knifes and vodka.

But soon Sam Arrives to tell his son, Ernest has had the last laugh: the bank had foreclosed the land for years and now it's profitable, the bank is now interested. So Flem does the unspeakable, he tricks Robbie into stealing the mech to sell and split the money, use said mech as a pram, sell the Freeloader's Baby in lieu of his own to pay off the bank, and Robbie gets shot dead when he realizes it's not the mech that's being sold.

However after the biker gang uses the mech as target practice,  the reason Jerome can destroy the Shadow is that if the Mech gets damaged. It's warranty program will make it return to the address of it's dealership.

The Auctioneer calls to inquire about the Mech, and Jerome starts out to cross state lines, which he can't on his own at age 14.

Luckily he happens across the girl he was promised to, a chicken farmer named Anna, who smuggled him across the border.

So going to the dealership, Jerome learns that the Mech Records EVERYTHING, the murder, the blackmail, The Baby Sale. Jerome is distraught about what he learnt but telling Mary the truth will destroy her. So he just wipes the Mech's memory. He does plan on making Flem stew In his juices. But Fleming Is too slippery for the Honest farmboy, so he plays him at his own game, a Blackmail letter "From Robbie"

So let's finish this!

Paranoid about his power slipping away, Flem has fallen for Jerome's trap, he falls into a pitfall, breaking his legs, with Jerome standing over him. He pleads as Jerome says nothing, he knows dead or alive, In some way he will hurt Mary and the baby and he cries, but once again, Flem can't stop talking, and him calling Jerome "a good boy" repeatedly in a condescending tone, and it causes Jerome to shoot Fleming Dead, and it with that, Jerome returns telling Mary nothing about what he did...A secret he'll keep forever as he erases the Shadow's memory a second time!

THIS FILM IS SUPERB

Forget that this film was shot at a budget, Forget it was Shot in a Desert to save money, Forget Nicolas Hoult is as Physically Imposing as a barking Chihuahua, This Film is Superbly cast and Acted, and Curse my own Artistic Bias for thinking this would be a one-and Done review, just because i found it in a Bargain Bin. This was a good Post Modern Western. and Not all Westerns have to be Horses and Genocide, Good Westerns are like the Good Sci-Fi, They are Human Stories! The Searchers, There will be Blood, True Grit, The Grapes of Wrath, and Now this. Stories of Hardship and Hope and Conniving Villains and The Grit and Urge to Survive. That makes a good western. and overall a good film. This film receives a lot of 3 stars and Above Average ratings but really this film needs more love!

CREDITS

BADLAND: ROAD TO FURY (known as Young Ones in America) was reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)

With Media from

Badlands Road to Fury

MST3K

Badland: Road to Fury was Produced by Signature Films

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. All media used belong to there respective owners.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

THE EMOTIONS IN THIS FILM ARE RAW! IT'S RAAAAAAAAWWWWWW! IT'S FUCKING RAW! WHO MANY GORDON RAMSEY MEMES CAN I FIT INTO MY REVIEW OF BRADLEY COOPER'S BURNT?