Halloween special 2025: Cassandra Episodes 1-3

 As I said last year,  The Horror Channel's Rebranding to Legend Muddied The Waters on Losing it's Genre Specific Identity. 

Granted, There are Still Horror Films on the Former Horror Channel, but in a Haystack of Other 3 star or lower films, you have to delve through Romcoms, Christmas Romcoms, Modern Westerns and Whatever Crap Nic Cage Does to pay his Backtaxes.

However, there is a service that I've gotten in recent months, a tool that also allowed me to continue being a Wrestling Writer, is also a treasure trove for Reviewers.

Netflix.

In fact, Since February's Unfrosted, I've being using the months I don't review WWE over on Enlightened Towers, I poll my readers on Twitter (for now) on what I should review next, So I've Decided, and don't take this personally, to take the power out of your Hands, Temporarily.

Ever since the First Poll, one of the options has being Cassandra, A German limited Horror series about a AI controlled house who after Receiving a new Family after 50 years becomes obsessive, Parasocial....and Maybe Deadly.

Only 6 episodes were made and, despite what I said last month that I will review 4 episodes, I will instead review the first HALF, And who knows? If you want me to finish it, I'll make it an option for it in a poll down the line.

So like all Netflix Originals, I'm going in blind, this is 2025's Halloween special, Cassandra Episodes one to three. 

THE FOLLOWING SERIES IS RATED 15 FOR BLOOD, GORE, VIOLENCE, SUICIDE, SEX AND NUDITY, WHICH WILL BE DOWNPLAYED,  DISCRIMINATION AND LANGUAGE WHICH WILL BE CENSORED. THERE WILL ALSO BE A TRIGGER WARNING BEFORE A SCENE OF A SCHOOL SHOOTING! DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

Episode 1

A Fresh Start

We open with a Man Driving at night, Smoking a Cigarette with his radio at full Blast on a Heavily forested country road, until he uncovers a Traffic Accident. Panicking, he finds the Driver Slumped dead on The bonnet after being Forced through the Windshield.

K*LL COUNT:1

The Man is further Startled by a Bang on the back window, the man opens the car door to rescue a young woman and a newborn baby. He asks the victim what happened, and she points to something off screen, as the baby cries when the man turns to see a Robotic Body with a Screen for a Head.

Flash forward 50 years to now and a Family moving into a new house. Well, I say "new" I mean new address. The house they are moving into is a Retro Technology house, a style the mother is into....though there is another reason for the move. The Couple's children, a Teenage Son named Finn, and a young girl named Juno get out of the car to explore, only to see sheets covering the Furniture, Grasping a Teddy for comfort, Juno sees the landline telephone is disconnected and finds a elevator. Her brother finds Juno and frightens her a bit, before the mother, Sam, finds them both.

Sam exposits that this one of the first "Smart Homes"  before they went out of style. Explaining Further that every room has a TV screen in Communicado with An AI. Or would if the power was restored, hence the telephone being down. 

So Finn elects to switch the AI Server back on. However, this is not as simple as turning on WiFi, the House is powered by a Server more Akin to a Post war Calculation Engine. Finn is called away by his father, so he doesn't see the ominous blinking red light. 

Dad (David) tell Finn the actual AI is Fifty years old,  So he Doubts it will even work. But once they fix this place up it'll be like a mansion,  because David has found a swimming pool at a steal of a price.

"And I'm sure, This pool will not be used to k*ll  you!"

Finn Uncovers the home's Robot, the one that from the first scene in the woods, and curious about it, tries to fix it for his sister, Sadly it doesn't turn on. Sam and David Discusses that their Daughter suffers from Night Terrors. But David says it's time with all the changes to Adapt, though Sam does tell Juno if she has a nightmare to still come to her room.

Finn was a Semi-Professional Musician despite still going to high school. Sam unpacks two photo frames that she places On her bedsit, one of Juno, the other of her and a woman. Seeing this makes Sam cry as this person is the reason for this move, I'll get to why later. Sam cries if she is doing the right thing, but David reiterates this is a change for everyone to start over.

In the Middle of night the Robot Reactivates. This is Cassandra, the AI that Runs the Smart House. Cassandra Fits the Bill of a Malfunctioning Retro Robot, Bright Red, Six foot but can extend her neck to be taller and Whisper Quiet, it has a shocking presence, It's Sillouette looks like a Women in a long dress with the head being a outdated 3 band technicolor tv which is how she interacts physically with people. Interaction with Cassandra is jarring because it lags while it computes a command, as if you don't know if it's taking it's time to understand or feigning malfunction to calculate a move. And that's done by design. 

Cassandra, when she activates, calls out for a "Peter" she then does a systems check to regain control of the house, Her face materializes onto every screen in the house. In the kitchen every piece of Appliance Bends to her control. In the pool room, Cassandra finds A mouse, and Crushes it under her Wheeltrack.

K*LL COUNT: 2

Finally Cassandra does finishes her rounds in Juno's Room, Naturally the Child who suffers Nightmares starts screaming when a Seven Foot Vacuum cleaner with a TV for a Head appears from nowhere! The family alerted goes to Juno's room. Cassandra Explains she was only Following her Programming. The Shock quickly turns to excitement when Finn wants to tinker with Cassandra's Server to see what the Smart House can really do.

In the morning,  Cassandra wakes the Family with Singing at 6am....Which I'm sure doesn't get old real quick! In the Garden, Cassandra stands with Juno who had found the Dead Mouse. Gaslighting the Child that the Rodent died of old age, She Proposes they have a funeral for it. The Robot asks Juno if she's ever being to a funeral, the child tells the Robot the reason they Moved is because Aunt Cathy, the woman in Sam's photo, committed Sui**de.

Another Red Flag is Raised when Cassandra says Sui**de Happens when "Someone Dies Because they Are Weak!", Angering Young Juno. Seeing the Funeral at a distance, Sam is worried that Juno making friends with an Appliance is not what she envisioned. 

Juno Doesn't want to go to School and it doesn't help that Cassandra seems to undermine Sam as a mother. As David heads to work and drops the kids to school,  the car passes a Poorly Marked Traffic Blindspot.

At High School Finn's Class goes to a rocky Start when,  not only his he the only Black student in the village, but the teacher makes the mistake of pointing out he is a straight A student right on front of the class Top Dog, Steve, who is being punished for his tardiness by helping Finn catch up. As Sam tries the pool, Cassandra is using a Lawnmower function in the Garden.  That's when the robot's  blades mows into a large stone that flies through the air, and into the small of Sam's back. It's an accident for now,  but the lack of Compassion from the Program's Voice makes Sam Suspicious. 

Sam Learns David Commanded Cassandra to mow the lawn, Not Thinking this Accident was a possibility,  however the Robot did try to call a doctor and the blades only come out on Human Voice Command so that's something!

Meeting Juno's Teacher, she's worried that she'll need time to adjust, Especially after a family death. She suggests to the parents that Juno joins an after School Club. Meanwhile, under the naïve assumption Steve wants to study at his house,  Finn brings him to his home. The Planned Home Invasion will have to wait as Steve is shocked by Cassandra, who clams up when the bot is rude to her. Steve is p*ssed the fridge has no alcohol in it. Cassandra let's it slip the smart house has a bar Setting. 

David wants Juno to Join an After school class to have her back to her old talented self, But Sam is worried with the Club's Christmas show seven weeks away will only put pressure on Juno.

Meanwhile our two teen Meatbags find a Secret Bar Room that was blocked by Cardboard Boxes, Steve is Leading on Finn by pretending to be Gay, as free Bar or not, Steve came here with Bad Intentions. 

More Red Flags are Raised When Cassandra plays her Karaoke Mode and all the Song Lyrics she picks for Juno to sing all have decidely Yandere vibes. Cassandra praises Juno, but Cassandra Twists Sam's words to make her sound Like she won't let Juno join the music club.

Later at Dinner, Sam Learns Cassandra has Multiple Arm Attachments to help with cooking.

And no doubt she has one for tenderizing Dead Meat!

Juno wants to join the Music Club. Sam is worried for her Daughter, but she gets upset that her own mother thinks she is embarrassed by her!

In her Bedroom, Sam comforts her child saying she knows she is not a woman that can solve every problem, but nothing will ever happen that will make Juno think she has to become that person. Later Sam calls out David for pitting her against Juno, because of their private conversation, not realizing of course, none of their conversations have been private since moving here. Finn wants to make Twitter friends with Steve, only to learn he has already blocked him.

Sam while packing finds a lockbox full of Photo Slides. Finding a projector, She looks at Family photos of the previous family, the wife in the slides bares an uncanny resemblance to Cassandra, we see a flashback 50 years ago to the previous family, when Sam asks it who she was, Cassandra says nothing to answer the question.  When Sam retires for the night,  Cassandra watches the remaining Slides, and in a quick fit of anger, Causes the Entire living room to be set on fire by overloading electricity into the sockets, Concluding Episode 1!

Episode 2

"Who Am I?"

We open episode 2 with the aftermath of the fire Cassandra caused to cover up her past. After the Fire David Finds a wine Bottle, And Blames Samira ("Sam") For Starting the Fire, Cassandra Collaborates her logues to David to further Undermine Samira. But why is she like this?

Maybe the following flashback to 1971 will shed some light on the situation.

As Cassandra when she was alive,  looks at her Son Peter playing soccer as her husband Horst, A military scientist smokes and looks ashamed at his son. Cassandra Suggests that if Horst has time to light up, he has time to play with his son. Horst kisses his wife and jokes that "She Does Everything! "

However, Horst is a Toxic Male, and when he finds out the Boy was only a sub in a winning match, Horst answers Peter genuine appeal to not knowing why he isn't a Starter by assaulting Peter with a Soccer ball .

Peter Runs off with Cassandra in hot pursuit in the Rain into the Forest. We learn Peter is only on the Soccer team because of Horst's Financial Backing of the team, and boy, doesn't the rest of the team let him know about it on a regular basis, and riding it out to prove his worth is not yielding the results he wanted.

Back in the present, and it only took a week for Sam to Tire of Cassandra's Singing. In the Bathroom Juno is Brushing her teeth, as Cassandra gives her some Encouragement. 

David Drops Finn at high school when Steve arrives to Brown-nose his would be Burglary victims, Expositing that David is a Crime Writer,  it also turns out David's Books are less Holmes&Watson, and more Mills&Boon! Embarrassing Finn that his father's books are little more than Smut. Finn is Set up as a Cheater when has Steve has him do his homework, his leading on the Gay classmate working since the last episode. 

We now learn that Samira is A Sculptor, when she gets a face time call from her Therapist,  Mina, showing her the house and letting go her "Sister's" Death, telling her doctor that they use to fight and steals boys from each other. One time Cathy trapped her in a closet and that's why she has Claustrophobia. 

FORESHADOWING!

Here is where Mina says something really strange, something that does get explained away later,  But she says of Cathy "I'm glad you didn't meet her til much later" Which is a strange thing to say about a Sister....unless.....

Sam is Suddenly Startled by strange Radio noises.  Cassandra leads Samira to a pantry to get her some potatoes from a top shelf.

Forgetting that the Robot can grow an extra foot by Shifting her armour just a few days ago after showing her, Sam gets Trapped in a small space, like an Idiot! Cassandra swaps out a hand for a circular sawblade and cuts Bread while whistling to drown out Samira's pleads for help.

Back in Time, Human Cassandra is on the phone with Horst, who tells her will be working late, he also let's slip her has a female Secretary called Hilda. And whilst doing the Laundry, Cassandra finds red lipstick on her husband's shirt collar.

Fearing an Affair, Cassandra does a 180 on Peter leaving the Soccer team, Telling Her son you don't leave when things get difficult. She tells Peter he has to do better, but realizing she sounds like Horst, she Apologizes. So instead like the dutiful wife she is, she packs a stew into Tupperware for her Husband to Confront him about this affair. 

In the present, David Returns home and saves Samira from the locked Pantry. But Cassandra Cunningly deactivated the lock to make it seem like Samira was Hysterical. Looking right at the Android feigning concern, she smiles because she knows what Cassandra is up to.

Also Growing a backbone is Finn who is P**sed that Steve used him for straight As he could easily get on his own. It may seem like maybe Steve is in the closet and his feelings are Genuine.

Samira tells David, She told Mina about her Claustrophobia and David Comforts her and tells her to,  For the sake of their kids,  keep it a secret, to quote,  "not worry about it ". Samira almost corrects David by asking  "Not to Worry about...Who?"

In the 1970s, Human Cassandra goes to The Lab Horst works at to "Surprise " Her Husband with Leftovers with the intention of Discovering an Affair with his Secretary.  She uncovers there is an Affair going on with a lab tech and his secretary,  But running into a restricted  area when she is caught, she finds something much worse!

Unethical Animal Experiments to cheat death with Cyberization and Brain capacity download  as computer data. Learning Helga is a somewhat overweight woman compared to Cassandra, Horst smiles realizing the true crux of this visit, But if Horst is not having an affair with his coworker, then who?

Back in the present, David is annoyed his books have been criticised as borderline porn even being lauded by whatever the Literature version of the Razzies are (....And Somehow he didn't know this?) Cassandra Is Pitting the Parents against each other once again when she let's slip that David didn't buy any wine, making out he still blames Samira for the Fire. He doesn't get a kiss when Samira leaves for art Supplies. In the car, she calls Bose Realtors and Asks about Cassandra, But because Cassandra was only a wife in a generation the men claimed ownership, only Horst's details was kept on file. Samira sees Cassandra through the Rear view mirror. She gets a Forwarding address for a Peter Schmidt only to learn he is deceased. She drives off with Cassandra just staring at the car intently.

In Finn's bedroom, he and Steve are goofing off. Finn sings a song about his attraction to The Actor Tom Holland. Steve asks him if he misses the city. Finn says he won't have to, he's already 18, once he graduates he can go back. Steve comments that living here must be hard for "People like him". Finn corrects Steve by saying living in the countryside is hard "For People Like US!" That's when Juno comes in and wants to show off what she learned at Music Club.

With everyone busy with work or homework and Samira playing Detective, Juno is putty in Cassandra's interchangeable hands! 

Samira's Phonecall leads her to City Archives, finding 3 volumes of Horst Schimdt's life and career as a Researcher with a minor in Architecture.

We Cut to the Swimming pool being used to off a character, but it's Juno up for the chop...PSYCHE! Not even a horror this predictable would dare to k*ll a child as a twist! Cassandra gives Juno legitimate Swimming lessons. She makes it very clear that that Sculptor is a Nice Hobby for a woman, But "a Woman's Real Job is to be a wife and mother!"

Wow!

Horst should have rented this house to Andrew Tate!

Samira Finds Cassandra's Death Certificate,  Claiming she Died in 1972 from a Short Illness. She puts it all together, the car crash we saw in episode 1, the victim and Survivor were Horst and his paramour who he had a baby with. Cassandra meanwhile illuminates the pool with rainbow LED lights to protect Juno's feelings. 

As all this is going on, Finn and Steve are about to kiss when Cancelledbot nearly fries a circuit to announce Samira's Arrival.

At Dinner, things are less tense than what they were last episode. Though Juno is now schtum about what She did today after all she's tired showing Cassandra. So to lighten the mood, Sam sets a family game of Bottecelli, Juno wants Cassandra to play, So Juno Innocently writes "Mama" on a post-it note and sticks it on the Robot's screen head, using her cameras in the living room, she reads Samira's name and the automaton's plan to smear Samira's name commences by pointing out she is a drunk. When Cassandra asks "Am I a working woman" and Juno says no, Parroting what Cassandra said to her. Cassandra breaks the news about the Panic attack, causing  Samira to storm out, 

In David's office where his wife, Covering a screen. She tells him Cassandra is a lot more than Programming and Algorithms, What she just did was a planned and Deliberate Emotional Blackmail, she then shows David something outside, the traffic Blindspot and the names on the Crosses-Horst and Peter Schmidt. 

K*LL COUNT: 3

And the News report on the Car Crash, and whose front and centre, but Cassandra. Now, in the world that we live in, this would be enough to convince a smart person,  but remember, Genre Rules Apply here and David doesn't believe her, this is when it's finally revealed "Aunt Catherine " was in fact an Affair partner that Both Parents agreed on. 

In 1971, at a night out with a Neighbouring couple, the wife of the other couple, Birjette who we now know as the Survivor of the crash, reveals she is pregnant, as Horst stares at her. Cassandra Susses it out that she is the woman her husband is having an affair with, she cries then and there, with Birjette thinking they are happy tears. In the women's restroom. It's revealed Cassandra had a Stillbirth, a Symptom of her soon to be Terminal Illness. In no uncertain terms Cassandra tells her neighbour she knows,  Though it goes over Birjette's Head. And seeing her Friend with the same shade of lipstick only confirms it.

In the Future the Aftermath of the failed Game Night is Affecting everyone. Finn reaching out to Steve and Juno worried about Mama. As Samira tries to have a bath, Cassandra tells her everything she learned about her life is true, and the only reason she is telling her this, is that she's about to k*ll her! Locking her in the bathroom with the Robot body, Cassandra causes another panic to finish Episode 2 on a Cliffhanger. 

Episode 3

Endgame 

Rather than jump straight into the conclusion of the Cliffhanger, we see Finn face time Steve and comments his pajamas makes him look like Ebenezer Scrooge, while David is Reading A Scary Fairytale to Juno, Only to find she had fallen asleep whilst he read a violent and descriptive scene. 

Cassandra, Rather than kill Sam outright, instead decides to play with her food a little longer. So she alerts David to "Save" her from the bathroom, all the while, Sam screams to Shut Cassandra down, and Finn who also heard the Screams Shuts down the Server. Before the complete shutdown, Cassandra tries to make a grab at Juno. Naturally the Young girl is Traumatized. 

Samira tells David Exactly what Cassandra said before the attack and now he believes her...He didn't when there was photographic proof of the Robot in the forest at the same time as a crime scene....BUT NOW HE BELIEVES HER(!)

Wait, No, David decides to turn Cassandra back on,  because he's an idiot!

They turn see Finn who tells his parents that on the night Cathy Died, he couldn't sleep because of it, and he had a vivid nightmare of something banging his 9 Storey high bedroom, when he pulled over the curtain, there was Aunt Cathy screaming to be "Let Out", Finn Said Afterwards he picked himself off the Floor in a Cold sweat-Maybe this family just have a history of Sleep deprived waking nightmares.

Or maybe...Finn saw something he wasn't supposed to see.

In 1971, Human Cassandra is having her hair done at home, when Horst in Military Attire serves her some coffee. He let's her know, that Birjette (the woman he made pregnant) will be coming over this weekend, with both thinking the other doesn't know what they both know. Peter has a game tonight and it's the same time as the Government meeting.  Besides, his weak little second String son isn't worth his time! Cassandra tells Horst the Truth, that the team resents Peter for being the Financer's Son, so maybe use that influence to have Peter be a Starter for the match. 

And So Peter gets a Starting Spot in a Match where the winning team gets league promotion and there are Bundeslige and college scouts in attendance on the same day. 

It works as Badly as you think, with Horst leaving after Five minutes. 

After The Match, Peter Susses out His mother has a hand in this. But Maybe it's not so bad, afterall Some other subs come up and offer that they hang out in a supply shed to drink away the pain, He refuses the Underage Drinking because Mam is right there, But Cassandra Grabs Him and says it's one thing to fail, it's another to run from it! Cassandra calls over the boy's to tell them he'll be coming-AND WHAT CAN POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Back in the Present Samira and David are in bed, it's another morning, only for Samira to learn from Hearing Cassandra's morning Song, that David Vetoed his wife's concerns and opted to put her Back in Therapy!

Though Finn is not as Naive as his sister or as stupid as his father! He wants his mother to call if Cassandra does or say anything to her, not if anything happens, but specifically involving Cassandra!

David is in the Swimming pool when he asks Cassandra for a towel, Samira's new Tactic is to flat out ignore Cassandra. The Duplicitous Device sees David Naked and She likes what she sees. Maybe David is starting to believe that Cassandra is more than Conversation Prompts and Algorithms, her screen is practically Fogged Up!

Finn tries to get Steve to admit publicly admit he's gay, But the reputation in the Town of Village will be destroyed If he did. Finn says there will be people who will Support this and they kiss.

In Therapy the Doctor gets to the Bottom of Cathy's death. And I'm Sorry, But that "I'm Glad You didn't Meet her til later" Line is really confusing me! Like We Know that Cathy/Samira/David had a Open relationship and the family knew of her, to the Extent that the children called her "Aunt" Cathy, But now Samira is telling this new Doctor she is her sister, which either means, she's only telling the doctor they are sisters and it's a lie, or THEY REALLY WERE SISTERS. AND IF THEY WERE REALLY SISTERS, THEN DOES THAT MEANS THE "DIDN'T MEET HER TIL LATER"LINE WAS A MISTRANSLATION FROM THE ORIGINAL GERMAN?

So the new Doctor tells her she is suffering from Self-Blame, She can't get Comfortable in this new house because Cathy k*lled herself in the old one. She needs to Be on The offensive and take Control of her life.

AND GODDAM DOES SHE EVER!

Samira lays down the law to the AI. Sure it''ll bite her in the a*s later and No doubt this is possible foreshadowing to Either Samira's attempted or actual Murder, But she tells her this is her House now, Cassandra  just cleans it! Whoever "Cassandra Schmidt" was, she's dead and this Robot is not her anymore! That It's Her who will comfort her Children and make love to her husband because she is a flesh and Bone Woman and Cassandra is just a machine!

Back in 1971, We see the results of Cassandra's Past Mistakes. First Horst used his Government Work as a Cover to see Birjette. Then she hears a car swerving outside at speed. Running out she sees her Son tossed from a moving Sedan into the street, Beaten up for Costing the team League Promotion, Professional fame and Scholarships. Cassandra Runs a Bath and tends to his wounds. She promises to keep it a secret from Horst, as calling the police will Ostracize the family against the whole town who only have The local Sportsball as a way out!

It turns out they did more than just beat up Peter, which is why Cassandra doesn't want people to know.

In the 21st Century, Peter has Writer's Block, So he's surprised to hear Cassandra Read his books, So YAY! David cops on that Cassandra is Sentient, But BOO! For David for using Cassandra for like a Parasocial ChatCPT! Especially when Cassandra says she wants to quote "Inspire Fantasies"

At High School, after ignoring Finn in a game of Basketball,  The Couple have their first fight, they kiss and make up but when someone walks in on them,  Steve Punches Finn in the mouth to Save Face. 

That night Juno sings for her mother, a night before the school play auditions. Juno is taking part but there is a more talented Girl called Emily who will no doubt take the lead. Samira Proposes to spite Cassandra for speaking, to have Christmas in the mountains this year, to starve the Egotistical Programme of Attention.  Then She Sees Finn with a Bursted Lip, and that's when Cassandra announces Steve is at the door.

Distracted by this, Samira leaves Juno with Cassandra,  Who sings to the robot, who locks the door and Bends the girl's ear on how to get the Part over Emily. 

"Have you ever Heard of Toyah Harding, Juno?"

"I'm Six, so....No~?

"GOOD!"

And the plan involves something hidden in The master bedroom floorboards, specifically "Under Mommy's bed'

In the past, because of the Trauma of the attack, Peter's Grade Suffered, And Cassandra has being to a parent teacher meeting.  Outside Peter has being Accosted by his 3 attackers, When The Ringleader threatens him with more to come, It looks like Peter will have to take action.

That night, Cassandra calls Peter For Dinner she made, despite the Oven being on the Blink. (FORESHADOWING FOR EPISODE 4!) Only to See Peter's Bedroom window open. Cassandra hears the front door open. Descending the Stairs, she sees Peter in the living room, standing with his back turned. When he does turn, Peter is covered in blood, and holding an Automatic Gun. Muttering that "He's Not a Victim anymore!"

K*LL COUNT: 6

In Finn's Bedroom, Steve Apologizes for Reacting wrongly, But Finn is Still Upset about being Punched, with Cassandra reacting in the background. Steve goes in for a Kiss, But Cassandra asks Steve to leave, with the monitors eying up the Teenager as he does. 

Samira Goes to the bedroom and sees the Bed has being moved, and finds a Picture of a Pregnant Human Cassandra, and a Young Peter.  Cassandra Robot is Chopping carrots when she pursues Steve with knife Attachments outside.  Samira Confronts Cassandra about Her past life's Miscarriage, meanwhile Robot Cassandra warns Steve to stay away from "Her Son'. As the Screen Glitches, Cassandra has a break down when challenged and the whole house deactivates. 

In the 1970s, Cassandra Demands her son to Strip and destroy the evidence of his murders. So she Drives to the Shed where the three players drink to remove the bullets from their bodies, Because for what Cassandra has planned, It's because Bullets won't melt in the fire she is going to Commit, and as she Drives away, she Happily Sings along to the Radio.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR SCENES OF SCHOOL SHOOTING!

Cassandra Reboots and Feigns ignorance. The next day at the Auditions, Juno Brandishes The Same Auto Peter used to K*ll, that Human Cassandra hid under the the floorboards of the master bedroom. The last thing we see is the School corridor, and the last things we hear in Episode 3 are Juno's Nervous singing, A Shot and People's Screams before the sound is cut by the Credits! 

And That will do it for the first 3 episodes. I'm sorry for ending this on a Cliffhanger myself,  but the last 3 episodes will be a option on the January poll on my Twitter account. Next month, a forgotten classic, Room.

CREDITS 

Cassandra Episodes One to Three were Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham

With Media from :

Cassandra

Merenghi's Darkplace

Cassandra was Produced by Rat Pack Films For Netflix.

All Media used belong to their Respective Owners. All Rights Reserved!

A QUIET PLACE: DAY ONE

 You've Probably Noticed all these years, But I'm not very good with Horror.

Hell, Even During Halloween, Where Reviewing Horror is a Given, I tend to veer towards Fantasy than Horror, and even then, the horror films tend to get on the comedic side, Deliberately or Unintentionally due to the lack of quality. 

Not that it ever worked Completely in my favour, "Bed of the Dead" despite being Generally Gruesome to watch, was only picked because it's Ridiculous premise of a bed killing those who tried to leave it.

So here we are with a Legitimate Horror Film In June, no less. The Prequel to one of the Most Recent Horror Franchises that has done well: A Quiet Place.

So I want to get into A Quiet Place As A Franchise, So What Better Way Do I Start than the prequel of the others: Day One!

For those Who Don't know, The Premise of A Quiet Place Is That Earth is Invaded by Blind, but Feral Beast like Aliens with Ultra Sensitive Hearing. The Slightest Sound will Cause a Swarm of Flesh Coloured Creatures with Scythe-like Claws and Voracious Hunger to hunt that target, be it someone who gasps suddenly, 

Or a stupid Child with a Toy Rocket Ship! 

So Humanity's Survivors have become Nomadic, forming smaller communities to reduce their sound and using Sign Language to communicate. The lack of Dialogue and The Activity of the Aliens increasing at night, ratchets up the scares, of the very little I've watched of the series.

So let's Dig into the new Jump-off point for this series, with the prequel to a Quiet Place: Day One 

The Cover Shows us a World Gone To Hell, As Lupita Nyong'o and Joseph Quinn Run for their lifes, as Creatures Fall from Surrounding Buildings onto the Glass ceiling above them, shattering off shards onto our frightened heroes. The Largest Skyscraper behind them, leads the eye to a Sky filled with Smoke and Fiery Jet trails Descending at an Angle, but what are they? An Invasion force, an Attempt by the Army to fight back? Or Aeroplanes making their last Doomed Voyage?

THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 15 FOR HORROR, BLOOD, INJURY DETAIL, DEATH, TERMINAL ILLNESS, AND THE FEASTING OF CORPSES. DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

The film opens on New York City, which a caption tells us it's bustling life gives off a Decibel Level of 50. That's the same as a Constant Scream for 18 hours.

Yeah, Because of all the Pushy Nu Yahkahs!

"WADDAYASAY ABOUT NU YAHK? WHEN I HIT YA WIF THIS SPORTS PAGES YER CRIES WILL BE HIGHER THAN FIDDY DECIBELS, YA BUM!"

We cut to Samira (Lupita Nyong'o) in a Cancer Support Home, it's group therapy time for the patients. But the Terminally Ill Poet makes no bones about it that she hates her life right now. She could die at anytime so the group telling her to keep positive is not what she needs. All she wants right now is her cat Frodo, her last slice of Real New York Pizza and to be left alone to die.

So Samira doesn't Appreciate Nurse Ruben not bringing her for Pizza, but the whole group to, of all things, a Puppet Theatre. Made worse by children coming up to Pet her Support Cat and parents making a bigger deal of her condition than she can tolerate. 

The Puppet Show is both Filmed Well (a Shocker For Boom Boom Michael Bay!) And Disheartening.  As a Marionette of a young Boy blows a Balloon, as children watch in awe, the balloon, once full, gives the illusion of a child floating away with no limits, until the balloon bursts and the Puppet falls, crashing back to Earth.

Naturally, A cancer Patient being Shown That, Causes her to Bail out all upset. As she buys some chocolate at a Bodega, she notices the noisy Midtown is noisier than usual. Nurse Ruben is ordered by phone to return the group back to the hospital. But Samira is too Stubborn to leave without her Pizza, but reluctantly, she gets back on the bus, but is shocked to see the other patients congregate to the back of the bus to look at something out the window.

Samira joins them and can't believe what she sees. In the mid afternoon sky are hundreds of shooting stars, One of them makes impact just feet away. 

Samira Regains her Consciousness, her bus and Street covered in Dust, with her ears still ringing, she finds a Man's Body, torn by the Explosion's Shockwave, Dead where he Stands! With Sound and Vision Failing her, Samira Stumbles to find help, all the While Eerie Sounds can be Heard.

Every time Samira finds, or is found by Someone, they are Dragged to be eaten, and when an Ambulance speeds in with Alarms blaring, it's blown up, the Explosion causes Samira to lose consciousness once more-The Screen Fades to Black, and we get Title Drop. 

We see Samira's Face Covered in Dirt and ash inside a Building,  she wakes with a cough and a Splutter, Until a hand covers her mouth. It's the father of the boy who petted her cat. (Apparently the credits name him as Henry, played by Djimon Honsou) In fact, she has woken up in what's left of the Theatre,  with Dozens of Survivors, including Nurse Ruben, Who hugs Samira and gives Frodo back.

The Sound of a helicopter frightens the little kitten as Samira runs to get him back. Breaking glass underfoot which alerts....Something!

In Bursts the Most disfigured creature in a film ever- mottled, Necrotic Flesh supported by four Spider like legs, that each end with a cloven foot with a sickle like claw protruding under knees and elbows, and an eyeless face with a horizontal mandibles of an insect, that opens like a flower to reveal a crown of bony petals. And a larger gaping maw! But the creature is frightened by the helicopter, which draws the ire of the alien. 

In the next Attempt to find her cat, she finds a woman at a desk, listening to news reports on a Walkman, on the desk is a globe covered in stickers with the names of major cities, no doubt attacks like this. She and Hank escape to the rooftop and see the world is trapped in a war Zone, as fire trail the sky.

As the Survivors look on, the Fiery streaks are not more Aliens, but missiles from the Government to blow up the bridges to contain the Alien threat, Causing a Survivor to have a loud panic attack,  Which causes Henry to punch him so hard, he dies from the blow.

Using a notebook to Communicate,  Samira tells Ruben she's still going to Harlem, despite the Nurse's wishes. The Generator Splutters and Ruben gives his life to fix it as Samira Muffles a cry.

The Next morning on a Misty Street, Samira Explores what was a crowded street just 18 hours ago. Now it's just ruins and worse still, no bodies, just signs of struggle and stains of blood. Samira picks up all the food and Supplies she needs to get to Harlem for pizza and to die at home- A flashlight, batteries for it, enough food for one person and a cat, and a supply bag to carry it all.  Though finding herself in Central park, she sees squirrels, which may be a food option, though if Samira struggles with opening a can in her condition, how is she suppose to hunt and k*ll animals? 

As she follows the Squirrel with her eyes, she finds two Survivors hiding in a working fountain, a teenage boy and a girl no more than six. Samira gives the shaken young Survivors some chocolate and asks them to follow her. A helicopter blares over speakers to announce boats will bring Survivors to Quarantine Areas, As the Aliens can't swim or can't stand water,  Something the Fountain Children figured out to have survived that long. The helicopters cause the Aliens to to converge on tall buildings, but one stalks the 3 Survivors who are now hiding in a subway entrance. 

Soon all those holed up march toward the river,  but Samira goes the opposite direction towards Harlem. The Jostling and marching feet of hundreds makes the crowd easy prey, not helped by some Idiots who just felt this was the right time to vandalise and steal cars! 

Samira hiding under a car has her leg pulled by a man seeking help, as he is dragged off by an Alien, Samira is trapped further, Spraining her ankle.  Frodo who was separated in the panic, is drinking from a submerged Subway entrance,  there the cat sees Submerging from the water, a Man in a Suit (Quinn) Surprised by the cat staring at him, the Man in The Suit, Eric pulls himself onto Dry land to follow the cat back to it's master. 

A Rainfall Causes Some Relief as the Aliens scatter. Samira tells Eric about the Boat, But not to follow her, but Eric is too scared to go Alone,  So they Resort to as the rain becomes a Storm to pick up medicine at Samira's house. Timing Eric's kicks to her door to the lightning strikes, (Due to her keys no doubt held by Ruben, whose body is God knows where!)

Eric is a British law student, so he has no reason to be here if he has no family in New York. Samira Still wants Pizza in Harlem, Something that makes Eric do a double take, given the Situation they find themselves in. 

So we learn more of Samira,  she was a professional Poet, So when Eric Reads a poem that explains what we already. As thunder and Lightning breaks out, the two Survivors finally have a chance to scream out in Fear!

Picking up some books from an Abandoned library, Eric comes to give her the notebook she left behind. Standing up Too quickly,  the sickly woman uses a Book trolley to steady herself only for books to fall to the ground, causing books to fall to the ground, causing Aliens to hunt them down. Seeking shelter in a bank. The revolving doors get stuck as Eric struggles to push the panels, they find new shelter but they are not safe, Eric Vandalises a car to set off it's Alarm buying enough time to reach the Subway. 

Searching under Flashlight, the exit by escalator is blocked by the biggest Alien yet. So once more Eric has to wade through the Submerged Tunnels. In the cold, waist high water, with Aliens Scanning their every move, Eric has a Panic attack, the Sound causes an Alien to Dive in, but while they can't swim, their Hunting Instinct makes them desperate enough to try to Adapt. With Frodo safely on Samira's Supply bag, the two drag themselves out of an impact crater into a church. Falling back into unconsciousness, Eric, Given where they are,  Prays for Samira, until she coughs up water.

Feeling sorry for her, Eric decides to let the dying woman have her last wish than Mercy K*lling her or Straight up Abandonment. He asks what medicines she needs and he is given a fetch quest for solid which doesn't yield enough medicine but instead reveals the ground Zero of the invasion, which Is treated as a nest. 

These Aliens are so cruel, they would Cannibalise the bodies of their own kind to feed. Eric Saves his own cat he followed to this place, Finding more Medicine for Samira.

It's not enough, but it doesn't matter when you're Terminal. Samira explains in whisper that the cancer is hereditary,  from her father. So with the entire Borough of Harlem empty,  Samira after all this time holding on for this moment, only for Her Pizza place to have burned down. The two Survivors hug in the middle of the street, Samira being upset with the continued state of her lot. So Eric brings her to an Abandoned Jazz Bar. With the help of a mp3 player and headphones, and Eric Finding a serviceable Pizza shop, bringing a pizza he  found, even the cats take a slice to eat in a cute moment. Eric to entertain her gets up onto the Bar's Stage and with some Cards he finds from an unfinished Card game and mines being a Magician for an invisible audience, and he's pretty good at card tricks. He said in his introduction as he's only a law Student because "That's what They wanted" Maybe this is want he meant!

Bringing her back to her apartment,  Samira gives Eric her coat, after all she won't need it where she's going. But the army have increased it's visibility,  now a fightback is happening.  The Aliens in a silent world are now cocky, hunting in broad daylight. Surrounded and with Eric in total fear, Samira causes car alarms to go off in Attempt to make a boat turn and collect Eric. In his rush Eric knock over debris which puts him and the cats in harm's way, but jumping off the pier sees his chasers drown as he has a short swim to the boat. 

And so the film ends with Eric reading his final message from Samira, as In flashback she is crying over family photos. So as she tells him to continue living, the last scene we see is Samira walking in the street with a radio and headphones listening to Nina Simone's greatest hits, until she pulls out the headphones, as an Alien lands behind her, drawn to the music, ready to play it's part in her Su****e.

THIS FILM IS GREAT!

Produced By Michael Bay, I was expecting this to be Fireworks out the Wazoo. However, he was Producing Not Directing, so while his fingerprints are all over this film, he doesn't have a stranglehold on it. Rather than carry out his proclivities, the crew and writers, kept the Franchise's use of Slow Scares and World Building.  While other Reviews thought Samira  was selfish, they completely missed the point of this film's themes of Freedom to live, ideals and Memory. This film is more than "World ends....let's get pizza!". 

Lupita Nyong'o gives a stunning performance of the Dying Terminally Ill Poet, who just wants to live the last few days of her life, in a film that is both scary and life affirming. The Monster designs are terrifying, Helped by the speed of animation and use of shadows and Smoke Effects, we never see a stationary Alien to make out what it looks like, and that's both for the film's benefit and adds to the mystery of the creatures. One Bugbear it has is pretty Obvious: in a film based in a world where making a sound may doom us all, The Dialogue is nothing to write home about, there was a part Quinn just repeated the word "Okay!" Over and over, but given the premise, Minimal Dialogue and targeted Responses, works in it's Favour.  

The Premise to turn the Zombie Survival Genre on it's head by not the heroes fight for Survival, but to die on her own Terms, Is nothing short of Genius! Given how bloated the Subgenre is. With How Selfish Samira may look and how very little Character Quinn was Given, It would have being a complete mess, But the Great Acting and Pacing Held True

So in Summary, A sharply written Subversion to an Overblown Genre, that's welcomed but tipping the scales at 70 minutes I wish it was longer!

CREDITS

A Quiet Place: Day One was Reviewed, compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@Realenli on x)

With Media from

A Quiet place

A Quiet Place Day one

The Simpsons

Meranghi's Darkplace

All Media used Belong to their respective Owners

A Quiet Place Day One is the Property of Paramount

All Rights Reserved.

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

ONCE AGAIN YOU MAKE THE CALL!

Next month it's ROUND 2 Of the Public votes.

The 3 Runners up from The first poll-

Cassandra,

 Infinity Pool

and Kinda Pregnant 

Are Joined by a new Number 4.

Leave The World Behind

A couple who run a resort are Confronted by another couple who claim ownership of the hotel and threaten legal action. While in the background, a Robot Revolution slowly plays out in a parable about lies, malice and the loss of control. 

The Poll On My Twitter Page will only last one week, But You can cast your votes here by adding a comment to this post below. The Most Votes will determine what get reviewed in July, But On the off chance, there are no votes, then Cassandra's first 4 episodes will be reviewed.

Eamonn Reviews David Cronenburg's Crimes Of the Future

 Okay, you all see who's Directing this Film, So you already know....

THIS FILM IS RATED 18 FOR DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD, GORE AND DEATH THROUGHOUT!

 

The Cover of this film is just lame, 3 Red Tinted Headshots framed with Red Tendrils. Usually I hate that they don't convey the story, But given what you are about to read.... CONSIDER YOURSELVES LUCKY! 

Last Chance to Back out Now!

*************************************************

Okay, Don't say I Didn't warn you!

The Film Starts with-What Else?- BLOOD! The Film Truly Begins with the Aftermath of a Capsized Liner, Juxtaposed to a Child, Digging in the sand on the beach, Until he is Shouted by his mother not to eat anything he finds, and he returns Home. Time Skips to Night-time, as the boy brushes his teeth before he goes to bed, then he has a midnight snack, A Plastic Pot he takes bites from, as his mother looks in with Sadness, as she grabs a pillow to Suf***ate the Boy.

The Next Morning, The Woman gets a Phonecall from her Husband's work, she tells his secretary to tell him the "Thing That looks like our Son" is Ready to be picked up, She cries, not for what she did, but the implications that her real son is dead!

The Husband returns to Mourn both the Son and his clone- So Anyway we Cut to Viggo Mortensen Sleeping on a Hammock of Living flesh held up by Tendrils ...

So Viggo plays Saul Tenser, a Performer who is woken from this Strange Contraption by his Lover/Manager Caprice (Lea Seydoux), Saul Complains the Bed, Which is Apparently Cyber-organic,  because he Complains it's Software is not being Programmed to turn him and Anticipate his Pain anymore.

Caprice had Good News-Well Good Business at least-the Reason for Saul's pain is a a new "Harmonium" is in his Blood Stream, Viggo Growls a Less Pained Response. He thought he was "Tapped Out". But Given The Pain, He wishes he was.

Okay, So Maybe I should Call Forward and tell you what is going on! Because dammit they are going to be talking like this until the very end!

Humanity is Evolving at a Increased Rate, Including Saul Here, a Performer whose act is Growing new unseen Organs Adapting to a World that will see Humanity Evolve into..... Something Else! But these new organs when they arrive, Cause Saul a Great Deal of Pain, because when they are "Birthed"  they crawl into place, that needs to be monitored by ultrasound, and it's Jangling his pain receptors. As Caprice eats Breakfast normally, Saul is propped into a device made of hands like the bed Helps Saul chew and Swallow for him. He's still having troubles at night when they leave the Rundown Studio they live in.

 Walking through a Crime ridden backalley, they make their way to an Organ Specialist.

The Doctor is Nervous because at his office is an investigator for the Newly Coined and soon to be implemented National Organ Registry, but times are changing and new laws have to be Enforced when Evolution is Spinning into a new Reality.

"LIKE THOME KIND OF, CWIMES OF THE FEW-TUWE, IF YOU WILLLL!"

The Investigator Miss Timlin, is played By Kirsten Stewart

So now we are getting Some Exposition, Yes Humanity is Evolving at a Rapid Rate, to the Point that very Soon Humanity will Branch off into a New Species. The last thing the World needs is The Unevolved is to become Prejudicial, or the New Species to Convince themselves as the "Master Race". And Thus, The Organ Registry, a Government Agency to monitor Rapidly Changing humans. With Saul being one of the first to Register is not only Growing new Organs, But is one of the few Humans to feel pain. The Doctor, Wippet, feels that the Loss of the ability to feel pain, is the thing that will lead to the Downfall of Society. Crime is on the rise, Worst Still, apparently the fad amongst the young is "Desktop Surgery" Videos.

"The Defendant, when asked, why they removed the Victim's Spleen with a protractor was quoted to have said, "IT'S JUST A PRANK, BRO!""

Still The Registry want to document Saul, the only man on Earth to still feel pain and they want to know why!

So Kirsten as Timlin pipes up and she's Trying to act like she's Crying, But she's Coughing and Gagging from the VapoRub They Put on her eyes to induce tears, Instead she's holding back the urge to Scream out in pain! So it's time for the Doctors to do a more in-depth Analysis of Saul's Body with these Two's Decoder Rings they have. 

Guys, I Don't think Graphic X-rays of Stomach Contents is how you make sure Saul Drinks his Ovaltine!

As the Doctor has an Or**sm over Saul's New Organs (Wippet Genuinely calls it Sensual!) Until Caprice, Who is Recording this for Prosperity, Interrupts and asks the Doctor what are these Tubes going into Saul are, Wippet explains that the Registry is tattooing Humans with Extra organs, So they can Track them Easier, the fear is that these Traits are Genetic, and Hypothetical Children who would be born would not, In the Classical sense, be Human!

So A Government is tattooing all the people who are different, For their own protection,.... right! WHAT DOES THAT SOUND LIKE?

Timlin notices the camera, and tells Caprice that Videoing their work is Illegal, Caprice Argues that the law is not enforced yet, but she Concedes.

The next Day (Night?) Caprice Is Annoyed Saul invited Quote "The Two Registry Creeps" to one of their Shows. She's also is worried Timlin Finds Saul Attractive, And the Feeling is Mutual, when asked about it, Saul changes the topic to the Tattoo business, as it Adds a Form to  the thing that is Growing and Changing, rather than let people Guess what it is...Caprice is not having any of Saul avoiding the Question, So she Ordered him to go to bed.

Saul is Placed in the Bed Apparatus, While 2 Female Technicians are fixing the Bed due to Saul's Twisting Anatomy. They are About to leave until they get a Surprise, When they see his previous Purchases, they get excited to see a working model of a Product their company no longer sells to the public, the "Sarcophagus".

The "Sark", described by Caprice as " her paintbrush", was a device used by morticians to Dissect Corpses. But she uses it to Vivisect Saul with lasers to reveal his organs and sew him up with no Scarring and Damage. In the audience are Wippet, Timlin and the Father from scene one, who angrily eats a Purple Chocolate Bar- 

 

'Member Wonkalate? They were Delicious!

Everyone has a Different reaction to seeing A second Heart Come out and  Stuffed on a Pickling Jar on a table while Beer and nibbles are handed out! At the After-party, with Saul exhausted lounging on a Love Chair, with Caprice giving him The Doe-eyed look. Timlin despite Being warned not to, approaches Saul.

Turns out Timlin ...gets off on this as she whispers to Saul "Surgery is the New S*X! 

With Timlin expressing she wants Saul to Cut into her, like Caprice cut into him. When Caprice asks what was that all about, only for Saul to say "An Epiphany, Art Triumphs Again!"

As the New Bed Techies fawn over Saul's performance , An Angry Man steals The Chocolate eating man's Chocolate, only for him to die of a violent reaction and noone bats an eyelid. 

We Cut to the Registry as Detective Cope interrogates Dr Wippet and Timlin. Cope is part of the vice squad and wants to obtain Saul's recently Birthed Heart. Wippet reminds us all that Saul had registered publicly , because as an Artist he wanted his new Organs to be recorded like pieces of a Portfolio of Work  in a time where right now people are growing new body parts in secret. Cope Dismiss it, and Scoffs at the idea of removing tumours as art, Timlin corrects Cope in these Creations are not Tumours, they are indeed a different organ each show. And the Surprise is what makes it a hot ticket!

So Saul is a Living Kinder Egg, is that it?

So they Show Detective Cope the Tenser File, we learn that it's being months since the Show, Saul had grown new organs in that time and Caprice is now Tattooing the organs to draw them Artfully. Wippet had a Theory that Saul Wills the Shape and Function of his new organs.

We Cut to Saul in bed, as Caprice is Worried because Growths are Forming at a Quickening rate, Saul Jokes he's just been "Feeling More Creative!" 

Caprice's Next Show called "Start Listening" sees a new Muse- a Nearly Naked Male Dancer with Stitched Eyelids and Stitched closed mouth covered in extra ears.

A Female Guest Confronts Saul and insults the Work. As A Biologist, Dr Adrianne Beacaux Mocks how the extra ears couldn't possibly work. The woman works for Klinex Corporation as it's Biomorphology Director, She heard Saul was Working on Multiple Projects as Evident by his entire body covered and him lurking in the Shadows. She gives Saul the Business Card of a "Dr Nassiter." Saul is Confused why he would need the Consultation for a Medical problem, only for Dr Beacaux to correct him: it's a Consultation for a POLITICAL Problem!

Finding the Father bloodletting a P*******e, The man offers Saul a Proposition: in his next show, he should publicly do an Autopsy on his "Son". Naturally Saul is disgusted....But Caprice, who is told about it During A Bout of K*nky Surgery in their love making think it's a great idea! We learn the man's name at last is Lang Dotrice.

After Making love in the Sark while being repeatedly cut, Saul agrees to do it....but it's a Double Cross! Saul is in fact an informant for Cope who wants  Saul to Agree to it long enough to arrest Lang for Selling Organs, which is what New Vice was created for. Cope feels that the Registry is Compromised to follow the law. Saul gives Cope the Business Card of Dr Nassiter in exchange to speak to Dyuna Dotrice. The mother of the "Boy"

We Cut to Bioformware Autoshop, the Company that makes the Bed and Shallowing Chair that Saul uses. The Two female Technicians, Burst and Router are Modifying the Sark and adding tools, Caprice tells them she is worried about Saul as the Accelerated Evolution is Causing him to Cough Uncontrollably and Spasm in greater pain....BUT NEVER MIND THAT,  LET'S ALL GET NAKED!

In another derelict area, Saul walks into the Office of Dr Nassiter, on the Surface, a Plastic Surgeon, but in reality he is the one of many third parties that will mark the New Humans for The Registry. He also has fitted Saul's Stomach with a quick lock to view the Organs, all the while going on about being roped into the "Registry Inner Beauty Contest". He calls the new crude Scar he shows Caprice a Done up fly. That lacks the mystique of "Sensual Cutting" after all, Surgery is the new S*X which cause Caprice to drag her Fingernails into the Scars and Drinks the blood like a Suckling Calf.

The Next Morning he visits the Jail where Djuna Dotrice tells Saul is Convinced Lang "Created" Brecken, even convinced she was made Artificially Pregnant to carry the "Lizard" in-Vitro. Saul asks her what the police expect to find if he was Giving an Autopsy. She convinced her Son was not Real jokes with the answer of "Outer Space".

At a Sweatshop that's Creating the Purple Chocolate, Lang tells his Group they are  going to go ahead with the Public Autopsy, this will be the Moment "They" will be Known. 

One hour into this one hundred and forty three minute film and they are still drip feeding us Plot.

At a Show Caprice was invited to a show by a Model. She's Reconstructive surgery done in real time and it moves her. Dr Wippet is at the show, though after it comes back to Head Office, that he and Timlin are getting personal with Clients, they are risking their careers on being here. The model, Odele is actually an Old friend of Caprice.... maybe TOO friendly! She Invited Caprice to their Hotel Room later!

We Cut to After Caprice Cheated on Odele with Saul Mocking her Being "Open". She was Open alright! Odele cut open her Forehead and planted horns into her freshly bruised flesh!

SYMBOLISM!!!!!!

Despite Saul in pain with Multiple new Organs Growing, the date of the Brecken Autopsy is getting closer and with the media Circus already surrounding the controversy, Caprice channels her Inner PT Barnum and makes this Media Circus, into a three ring by making Saul a Side Attraction.

Saul Visits Wippet at the Registry to Confront him about this "Inner Beauty Contest" he was wrangled into. Turns out the Registry is not hitting the Quota they are supposed to so they used Nassiter and Beacaux to pose as those who could help get rid of the Registry to ironically make him a Spokesperson for the Registry. 

I agree they should have done that from minute one, but you are not really helping making the Cause that you are not a 1930s Style Government Agency.

Timlin Rushes Saul and Says he worried about Wippet. Saul regrets asking why, but it turns out both Timlin and Wippet Lust after Saul. Given  having a insider to get info for Cope and that Caprice Cheated on him, and the fact Saul isn't Gay, he Leads on Timlin to cheat on Caprice with. It's a win-win to find out if Wippet is covering up the existence of plastic eating Lizardmen!

That night Saul and Caprice arrive at Lang's house to take Brecken's Body to perform on their show in a few weeks. Caprice sees the child in the freezer and now grows a Conscience! Lang explains that he has a point to make, and the police would only cover up what their coroner will find, no, only through a public Autopsy will the Truth come out. When Saul tells Lang what Djuna told him about the Plastic eating Child, Lang offers Saul a purple Chocolate Bar, Caprice shakes her head for him not to take it. 

FORESHADOWING!

Lang believes Saul should not be hacking bout new organs for entertainment, Instead he should let the Accelerated Evolution take it's course. Caprice corrects Lang, telling him if Saul did that he'd already be Dead!  Life Is Suffering and that's the purest Form Of Art! 

"OH IT'S ART!"

 

We Cut to another secret meeting between Saul and Cope who let's Him in on a secret: Lang's group -Synths! The Purple Chocolate bars? Their only Nutrition without eating plastic in  Public. The "Lizardmen" are already among us! So now Cope want Saul to infiltrate their ranks to find the Synth Factory to flush them out!

And they are already known, the Reason Burst and Router didn't react to that guy Dying was they Are Synths. Using their Jobs to get close to Saul to butter him up as Fangirls and kill Those in the Registry like Dr Nassiter.

Lang tells Caprice and Saul about the Synth Movement, Unlike those who are Evolving Quickly, Synths Are Humans who Chose to Modify their Bodies to Fix A Mess done by Humanity: Plastic Pollution. They can eat plastic in an attempt to heal nature. Which is why Humanity is losing the senses of pain and the ability to digest flesh and Vegetation. Lang States that his son Brecken was the First Synth Child to be Naturally Born, the First of a New Species! And once they are known, He will not be the Last!

Saul However calls Bullshit on Traits that were Surgically Enhanced somehow becoming Inheritable genetically ("You Cut off your Little fingers... does that mean your children are born without little Fingers?") Lang admits that he doesn't understand it fully, But that's what happened, but this was his plan anyway before Djuna Killed him: to introduce his Son Publicly in the same way as the Solution to a Bright Future to Solve Humanity's Pollution problem, now his death Should be a Call For Synths to Stand up and be Counted!

Through an Untelevised Art Show that will only sell tickets to people who like this sort of thing in the First place!

"AND THIS IS BETTER THAN A MOVIE....HOW?"

It's The Night of the Show and Both Timlin and Wippet are there, they just can't keep away!

TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHILD AUTOPSY! PLEASE SKIP TO THE NEXT RED TEXT IF YOU ARE OFFENDED!

Caprice Monologues over operating on Brecken and once he is opened up we see his organs are covered with Black Tar, It's enough for the crowd to Gasp with Disgust and Shock causing both Wippet and Lang to leave Shaken. As the Process Continues, Lang is Outside on the steps crying when Router and Burst find him. He doesn't understand how his son could be in that Condition, he was perfectly healthy before his death. But because he has Suspicions, The Synths feel like he knows too much and With Handrills, they kill Lang. I suppose they had them in their pockets the whole time! Back inside Caprice with her voice loud and full of rage denounces Djuna for killing her child she never loved for no other reason than being Different than her!

TRIGGER ENDS!

Meeting Cope for the last time,  he tells him Saul they've being Had! "The Tar"? Nothing more than Tattoo ink! By using Timlin's unhealthy need of Acceptance by Something different, Caprice had told Timlin how to use the Sark to inject the organs with enough Black ink, off screen when cheating with Saul,  to con the patrons and since the Sark Reconstructs the Body with no Scarring or Suture, noone would be none the wiser! All that was left was to Murder Lang Before he came out with the Truth. Thanks to their "Housekeeping" the Synths have they really wanted-A Cause for Uprising, with Lang's Death as a Martyr!

Saul is Racked with but only Guilt and Mistrust, But also Pain. As he nearly Dies in his sleep. Seeing Saul in so Much Pain almost makes Caprice Remember what it feels like. The next morning Saul is struggling to feed himself even with the Feeding Chair, Caprice reaches into a hidden box for the Big Reveal -SHE IS A SYNTH! Caprice feeds him a Purple Chocolate she had hoarded in the box hoping it will ease his pain. And as he eats it all the scene drains of Colour and Saul lets out A Euphoric Breath...But is it a Sigh of Revelation that the Pain is gone and he too is A Synth? Or Death Rattle to signify that the Pain is thankfully over? As the Credits start to play straight after....

WE MAY NEVER KNOW!

JUST LIKE I WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST WATCH?

Eschewing Gory And Sudden scares, for Stylistic Shock and Uneasy Moral Decisions, The Cronenburg of old has mellowed into making moves with "Meaning". But the Worse thing you can do when you make a film with "Meaning" is not make sure Everyone knows what your "Meaning" Meant! And you get films like this where one Character, in this Case, Cope exists solely to give Exposition in straight language. In fact noone talks like a real person to each other, they either give lore to the Dumb people at the back of the Class, or Purple Prose about "The Sensuality of a Second Gallbladder!" NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT....And If you Do....

Speaking of....well.... Speaking, how is it that this film of mostly ESL actors and actresses, all have better line delivery than native English speaker Kirsten Stewart? Not only can she not fake tears for toffee, she is out acted by people who will never be stars in Hollywood! The World Building is Strange, we get to see a Capsized Liner Next to a Beach in the opening and for the rest of the film it's nothing but warehouses and Dark rooms. Like the Capsized Liner in the background of scene one, there is a bigger Story that was More Interesting to focus on: A World Where Humanity had lost the Ability to feel pain and so society crumbles into a world where life is Cheap as the thrills and Crime has no Consequence: MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT THAT! 

The Music is Jangling and Unnerving, to force down an aura of Unease and Discomfort very expertly done by the Sound crew... Because with the Amount of lacklustre scares they needed to force Horror that doesn't Exist, Sure there's the Scene That is a Trigger is One with Shock value, and Lang's Murder, the other scenes just look like A Text book from an Anatomy class and Nassiter's murder looks like one from a teatime murder mystery show, with Nudity and Shock value to bump up the Rating. Disappointing was expecting a whole lot more! 

CREDITS

Crimes Of the Future was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli on Twitter) 

With Media From:

Crimes Of the Future

Kevin Hart: Laugh at my Pain

Lowestoft Library's facebook page for having a picture of an open bar of Wonkalate!

NWA

Twilight

X-Men 3

Police Squad

The Simpsons.

NJPW

The American Government.

All Rights Reserved. All media used belong to their Respective owners.

Crimes Of the Future was Produced by Serendipity and Distributed by Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment.

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THE GRINDHOUSE SPECIAL EVENT RETURNS!

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Barbie!

Oppenheimer!

The 2 Biggest Films of last year! Both Cinematic powerhouses in their own rights. Forever Bound by Rivalry! 

In Ticket To Hell: ATOMIC PINK!

STARTING IN APRIL!