Eamonn Reviews Two Night Stand

 (FOREWORD: THE CURRENT STORYLINE WILL BE MOVED TO MY OTHER BLOG, ENLIGHTENEDTOWERS.BLOGSPOT.IE, FOR REASONS TO BE ANNOUNCED THERE ON THE FIFTH OF APRIL.)

Cover is three scenes that look like something out of a women's Magazine ask the Sexpert page, with the last picture looking exactly like the "I bet he's thinking of other Women" Meme.

Let's find out How out of my depth I really am, Let's have ourselves a Two Night Stand!

The film starts with a woman waking up from a one night stand next to a Snoring Young Man. She leaves a note (with no phone Number) and goes to leave his flat, But his front door is set to an Alarm, so she scrunches up her note and puts the blankets back over her.

We cut to sometime Before, and the Woman, Megan (Annaleigh Tipton) lies about her life on a Dating site, as she eats whole gingerbread houses in her footie pajamas, while Exposition News warns us a Blizzard is about to hit the Eastern Seaboard. 

It would be an awful shame if Not-Zendaya who shares the flat has to kick out Megan for not paying her rent, So Faiza laughs at how pathetic she is for starting online dating, She invites the waste of air Megan to a birthday of a single man described as "pretty, but kinda dumb, A perfect one night Stand" It's also a birthday party so, Free Cake!

So Megan, Faiza, and her boyfriend Cedric (the former Kid Cudi) Goes to the Club, Megan is turned away for not having ID, and bumps into her ex with a new girlfriend. So Faiza encourages her to go home and get a hookup via internet dating.

Or.....and here's a funny thought....you could tell her to PAY YOU THE MONEY SHE OWES YOU FOR RENT, YOU DUMBASS!

Back at her flat, full of ennui and red wine, Megan sets her bar low and goes Online dating, Finding Alec, (Miles Teller, Yer man from Whiplash, remember when that movie was a thing?) Neither of them done this before.

So we return to the events after Megan's attempt to peace out, and Alec goes off harder, he turns it off and goes back to sleep til his Alarm goes off with some obnoxious R&B, She calls him the wrong name, she gets defensive when he implies she's done this before, though what he meant was dating in general, for the pretty girl, but turns into an argument with both cursing each other and hoping never to see the other again! But, Wouldn't You Know, Who Won The Pony? But the Blizzard has hit and Megan is trapped in Alec's Building.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQeezCdF4mk

Because it's Christmas week, there is no snow plough or Civil Engineering, for at least 2 days! Faiza and Cedric are no help since they decided to turn the flat into a love nest to forgo their lazy flatmate paying her money, if they wanted to help her (which they don't)

So stuck in the blizzard, the two one night standers have to do the impossible: get to know each other, something the unemployed waster Megan gets defensive when asked about her career, not wanting this stranger to judge her as a stupid idiot!

So anyway, Megan Clogs the Toilet because she is an Idiot....

How it happened is that In the Bathroom, Megan finds Magazines on Dating and Psychological Profiling, and I wouldn't know, I'm not exactly beating women away with a stick, But I don't think Women like being Put under the Microscope, So she Shoves the entire page down the Porcelain Throne, causing it to overflow, During a Blizzard on Christmas. Alec deals with this by getting high.

During A game of Table Tennis,  Alec wants to know about  why Megan Cannot get a Job After Medical School, to which she answers by throwing the ping pong ball into a waste disposal unit.

So is this a Running Joke? Every time she is Evasive about it she will destroy Plumbing?

So to pass the time, What do most 20-Somethings do? Watch TV? Drink?

Bzzzt?

WRONG ANSWER!

The Correct Answer is off course, Build a Pillow Fort and eat lots of Children's Cereal!

We learn that despite doing the Mary Jane, Somehow Alec is an Assistant Manager at a bank, Doing Drugs is his way of catching up with all the rebelling you're supposed to do as a teenager. Megan doesn't partake, Because she once walked on her parents Smoking weed and watching porn. Megan grew up the only one in her class to have both parents living together, so to see them like that, doing things to spice up the drudgery of marriage, may have messed her up!

A song plays on a record and Megan tells Alec not to look, Coyly saying that if she is seen dancing, he'll fall in love with her. But I think it's too late!

Because they need to fix that toilet, Alec tries to borrow a plunger from a neighbour, but since it's Christmas, people are out of town. So they break into the flat, to steal a plunger, Megan bleeding from smashing a glass window belonging to a child's room! Alec gives her a tissue that she gives back bloodied.

PLOT POINT!

Unclogging the toilet, He reads the Offending Article, literally! It was an Article  in a magazine that offended her. So Because they are still convincing each other they will never see each other again they give constructive criticisms of the opposite sex of all the mannerisms they hate. So they have sex again with the criticisms noted, but since this is Sex Scene on a comedy film, there is jokes between foreplay and even him giving her belly a raspberry.

It's the Next Morning and there is no food left so Alec has Stole from the same neighbours. So Megan reveals that she didn't become a doctor because when she was engaged she only to the course to impress those she will meet, she always wanted to be a wife and mother, only for him to cheat for saying she is too career minded and Ambitious. Looking for a sweatshirt to wear, she finds pictures and women's clothing, learning Alec is cheating on a girlfriend with her, after everything she just said, he tells her he found a dear John Letter intended for him, but Megan is still pissed about it.

As the show stops and Civil Engineers get a shift on, Megan comes home, as does Alec's Girlfriend each finding notes that point to the relationship been over. Megan deletes her account and Faiza and Cedric asks Megan to leave....as soon as their party is over!

So let's finish this!

Because dating services can only give full names and addresses to police should their clients commit a crime, Alec has the idea to pin the break in with her blood as evidence. At her soon to be former flat, her Former classmate the cute dumb guy whose birthday it was comes to talk to her, while she is blitzed out of her mind, the police arrest her for the break-in and she refuses bail, so Megan spends new year in jail than speak to the man who put there.

Cedric and Faiza make her bail and Alec arrives with flowers and Balloons to confess his love, telling her one day she'll look it and laugh, she gives him his numbers, and tells him it will never happen. She sees the balloon reads "I AM AN ASSHOLE!" To which she laughs so that means she has to call him, so our story ends with are two star-crossed lovers, jobless, homeless and with previous that will be harder to find, but at least they have each other, right?

Meh!

Sorry for not opening the final chapter with my stolen catchphrase, but this film is Meh! The acting Meh! The premise is Meh, the Direction is Meh!

It's just a big fat.....MEH!!!!!

CREDITS

Two Night Stand was reviewed, Compiled and Edited and by Eamonn Bermingham (follow me on Twitter @RealEnli)

With media from:

Two night Stand

Regular Show

Two night stand was produced by Demarast Films and Distributed by Signature Films.

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