Hello and Welcome to my Halloween Special. But one made under False Pretenses, this was Actually Drafted in August. And I am telling you this just in case you point out I give MLW hell about not disclosing about being prerecorded. At least I can admit it!
Let Me Explain.
Today's Review is Something a Little Different, but keeping in the Spirit of Halloween. We've Done Horror, we've seen Monsters, Zombies, we've Done Sci-Fi and we can't call ourselves a Bad Film Review site without reviewing an Asylum Film.
But One Angle on the Spooky Season we haven't touched upon yet is Mystery.
And while Legend had crammed every Genre on its channels, to find a Horror film on their channels is nigh impossible, it's our old friends behind Pop, Narrative Entertainment, who have come to the rescue with the Free to Air Great! Mystery channel on Sky. But I had to wait til the pilot cycled back into being shown again. There are only 5 films, so doing the pilot now on the chance it doesn't get repeated is why this was Reviewed months in advance.
As the home of Murder Mystery on Sky (other than Alibi, which is a paid channel) Great Mystery is the home of Hallmark Channel Style TV Films, the Kind of Programs that would have been shown after Daytime tv and put before the lunchtime news. The kind of show littered between Cookery and Gardening shows, The Kind of Shows you would put on TV in a Carehome Dayroom to entertain the residents. You know, shows like Murder, She Wrote, Fr. Brown and Hamish Macbeth, Shows with Mystery, but Shows that are so Slow paced with lovely scenery and Comforting music, it will cause you to yawn just by watching it. The excitement is so little in a package so bland, it feels like a single Speck of Black Pepper in a bowl of Mashed Potatoes!
Which Brings me to Choosing this series, Great has a LOT! Of these Cheesy TV Movie Mystery films-Aurora Teegarden, the Garage Sale Mysteries, but this one held my heart Strings a little more-The Gourmet Detective, based on the Books by Peter King.
I Love Mystery.
I Love to Eat.
What could go Wrong?
THE FOLLOWING REVIEW IS OF A FILM RATED PG, WITH MURDER, SUICIDE AND INNUENDO. DESPITE THE RATING, THIS FILM IS INTENDED FOR AN ADULT AUDIENCE.
Recorded from a TV Taping, so no review of Cover or Artwork.
We Open with a Robbery at a Stately Home turned Restaurant as a hooded Figure in black steals files from an office and disables cameras. They go into the restaurant's walk-in fridge, pulling a Bin aside to keep the door open to stop them freezing to death.
Walk in Freezer Doors can be opened on the inside to prevent deaths. The only person who wouldn't know that would be someone who never worked in a kitchen and Spoilers-every suspect belonged to the Restaurant Industry. In an Act of Sabotage, the Figure lets loose Cockroaches and Rats into the fridge unit and Dining Area. A convenient Flashlight Shines on a Newspaper Clipping telling us this restaurant being attacked is Chez Duquette. No doubt the Duquette family were stupid enough to be interviewed by our old friends....EXPOSITION NEWS! The pinned Photo has a meat cleaver thrown at it.
SYMBOLISM!
We cut to a Chinatown market in San Franciso, as we meet Our Title character, Henry Ross (Dawson's Creek's Dylan Neal), Gourmet Social Gadfly and Cookery Supply Teacher. He's actually buying ingredients for a last-minute class he's been hired for. We then see Overworked uncomprising Detective Maggie Price (Brooke Burns), yelling down her phone with a bag of pre-made meals, she trips and spills a whole bag of tomatoes.
Back to Henry, he is also a consultant to a blogger named Lucy, who will act like his Fact-checker and assistant, as while Henry is no doubt an Epicurean Expert, he needs someone tech-savvy to manage his Contracts. And if it means trips to Vegas and Hotel stays, Why Not have him work for you? We learn Maggie is a Divorced mother with a daughter, a mother, and a Hit-and miss Romantic life-Because of course she is. Back to Lucy and Henry, Lucy tells her consultant he got a call from Peter Duquette calling about needing his help. Henry will drop everything after his cooking class to aid his Mentor.
AND WOULDN'T YOU KNOW, WHO BURNED THE MASCARPONE? But the Restaurant where Maggie is having her date, is also the restaurant, Henry is Teaching his class! Kind of cheap to go to a restaurant to cook As a Couple, but given the age and Circumstances, the Fella is also a divorcé and brought her here to show that he can be a providing Househusband for his Prospective Second Wife.
Henry is introduced as "The Gourmet Detective" Meaning he has done cases before. That kind of Upsets Maggie to Hear him been called that. She calls him out on it and he explains, he is not so much of a detective, as more of a Trade Faciliator, Contracted to replace ingredients with cheaper ones and speculate Food Markets and the like, and the name stuck, even though it's wrong. Maggie still has issues with the guy who is essentially lying about being in her line of work.
Best Drop this Early.
First They hate each other, then later in 2 film's time, they'll Love each other...
Naturally, Maggie's Date Is Really hopeless at cooking, So Henry always makes extra, which is great because Maggie hasn't eaten anything all day, probably because she wasn't expected to cook her own dinner! She does Complain about his use of obscure ingredients, which she would never look for in her busy life. But Henry says he focuses on every little detail so you don't miss the obvious, like Maggie's date having the hob at a high level. Maggie can't believe she just got detective tips from a Poser and a Glorified Booster! She calls out his so-called deductive powers only for Henry to reveal he has Sherlock Holmes levels of reasoning. He even has Maggie number that she is not over her divorce and only dating to make her daughter happy.
Maggie comes home to check on her daughter and tells her it's over. It was doomed from the start-The Guy didn't even get a name! Abby asks If her father will appear for her chess game, but he probably won't!
We cut to the Next morning as Henry meets with the Duquette family, laughing and joking as they eat fish tacos.
Clearly a family Courting Financial Ruin and at their wits end!
Peter hires his former Protege to investigate Chez Duquette on the night of a big Gala. If Peter did go to the police, the Rat infestation would become public knowledge and they would be forced into closure, exactly what the saboteur wants.
At the Night of the Gala, we meet all the main suspects. First, and because the young woman with Peter needed a name, it's revealed to be Pauline Duquette, Peter's Niece and General Manager. Raymond Bishop, Peter's Brother-in-law and Rival, who heads a Restaurant monopoly. They are feuding for so long for some reason, that not even their own niece knows! Next is Klaus, The Head Chef who is Annoyed by the constant pranks and Sabotage in his kitchen. Klaus tells Henry the Rats were planted the day before Health inspection, and the day was marked In the calendar, meaning this was an inside job!
Our fourth Suspect is Leyton Leopold, A rival chef who works for Raymond Bishop's Filmore Bistro, who beefs with a Sally Aldorn, a Cookbook writer who rubs Cocky Chefs like Leyton the wrong way.
Henry spies 2 men passing a USB drive to each other, but before he can Trail them, Bishop finds Henry. Turns out Bishop has also been the victim of the same problems Chez Duquette are having. Or is it a cover to not arouse suspicion?
The Guests are called to Dinner, and we get interplay with all our Suspects. Leopold calls out his boss, for not giving him free reign over the Filmore Bistro, to which Raymond tells Leopold if he doesn't like it, "Buy Your own Restaurant ". Pauline calls out her uncle for being too basic. At the table is the man with the USB drive, he has a Texan Accent, knows Sally personally (or intimately), who names himself Ian Jenkins, Investigate Reporter. After everyone eats the main course Surf and Turf Steak and Lamprey Eel, Jenkins is about to make an announcement, if only he didn't drink poisoned Champagne to clear his throat!
See, this is why as a Reporter who need notes or Speech cards on your person, should things like this happen!
With a Murder on site, Maggie is called to Chez Duquette, turns out, but unsurprisingly, an Investigate Reporter has made powerful enemies including Former Deputy Mayor Not-Appearing-In-This-Film!
Maggie brings In Henry Ross as a witness, though she starts to badger him when he has opinions on what killed Jenkins, Namely the Natural Botulism from Lamprey Eel. And since Toxicology hasn't issued results yet, Henry accidentally made himself a person of interest. However the D.A. just found Henry's Bio and they interested in his Knowledge and Connections, making him a top Suspect...that is if he did it, which he hasn't, but given the Cops don't know their Ar*e from their Elbow Marconi when it comes to food, the Gourmet Detective is now a paid consultant on Maggie's Case.
The next morning, Maggie plans on scaring Henry off the case by sending him to the morgue. He's late because he's being preparing a Gourmet Coffee morning for his new clients, Coffee that was made by feeding Monkeys coffee beans and farming the spit. Causing Maggie to spit hers!
PLEASE~!
That's tame considering The Creation of Kopi Lowak is MUCH WORSE! Google it if you have a strong enough Stomach!
AND OH MY GOD! Henry even mentions Kopi Lowak by name!
Maggie is Enjoying seeing Henry squirm in the Mortuary. The Doctor reins them both in to tell them Jenkins Died from Botulism from Eating Lamprey Eel. However, the amount of Lamprey Eel Poison in Jenkins exceeds that of the meal he ate, meaning he must have been drip feed Lamprey Poison for hours before the Main course Eel finished him off!
After getting on each other's nerves, they go over the facts with DCI Bailey. Henry Rules out Chef Klaus, given his attention to care with his dish to a level that none of the mains, even the victim's, couldn't be tampered with. Henry has his own suspect, one that was overlooked-Oliver Page, the TV chef, and the man who gave Jenkins the USB in the first place. The Police ask "What USB?"
You Didn't check the Dead Man's Pockets for clues-WHAT IS THIS? KEYSTONE COPS?
At the news station where Jenkins was fired from, they find a Cork Board with all the Suspets on it, there are also a couple of post-it notes with the one catching Their attention is one that reads TODD ARMAUD on it. Another reads A. SCARLARI $350. Ian Jenkins actually got Oliver Page Fired from this very Studio, Could the motive be revenge? Maggie doesn't believe so if they were still Chummy. They go to Oliver's home, knock on the door and find it open. With Gun drawn Maggie goes inside and finds Oliver on the floor, knocked out but still alive.
As Maggie get Oliver some water, she notices a tumbler filled with some Liquor and marked with Lipstick. She asks About the USB, Which was collected from an Alex Scarlari, Jenkin's regular Photographer, who was mentioned on the board. When Questioned about his cancelled show, Page says he was Burned out and it tanked his marriage. Jenkins writing a scathing review caused the board to fire Jenkins themselves.
Bailey tells our heroes that Jenkins' pockets are clean, No USB was found, Prints were found on the tumbler however, going back to Pauline Duquette.
When confronted with her uncle present, Pauline Confesses to wanting to Hire Page to front a Culinary School, Much to Duquette's Anger. Oliver lied about Pauline Solely because he wanted to save his marraige, and having a drunken affair with Her wouldn't have help things!
Getting into contact with Alex Scarlari in Italy, He was paid $400 to photograph everyone at the party and Nothing else, that brings up the other Post-it Notes. Noone knows who Todd Armaud is Or 12-930. maybe it's not a time frame. The vitctm died on the 12th, maybe he had an appointment for 9:30 that Morning?
Henry had an Epiphany, Maybe Jenkins wasn't the Target. Maybe Raymond Bishop planned the whole thing to get his rival Out of Business, Planting seeds of Similar Sabotage to Cover his tracks.
They Question Bishop at his home....and are shocked to see Peter Duquette.
Turns out the "Rivalry" is worked Like A Professional Wrestling Angle, they are Buddies, The Rivalry Came out of a Reporter misquoting a Teasing Critique and the two ran with it for 40 years.
Back to Square One in a Diner, Henry tells Maggie he owes Peter for teaching him the greatest lesson of all: How to keep The Common Touch. When Henry Returns home, taking a call from Lucy, he Finds a Warning- A Butcher knife stabbed down into his cutting board. And if he missed the point-a cut out newspaper message was pinned to the knife. Since every Suspect knows Henry personally and professionally, it could be anyone!
Henry refuses to Tell The police, since it will take him off the case. Plus his mentor is still in danger.
Henry gets a call, Maggie has being searching the Internet and found a photo of Sally and Jenkins at a Fundraiser together, looking very much like a couple. Sally Aldorn just topped the Suspect list. Sally's Book launch is tonight, they can question her there.
Before the launch, Henry is at Maggie's house trying to convince her family This Is Totally Not A Date, Maggie comes down in a Racy White Number and Henry Doesn't Beat The Allegations.
It's The Launch Party For Sally's Book, Culinary Conspiracy. Trapped in a Lie, Sally knew she would be Suspected Solely on Just Being Ian's Girlfriend. So Henry traps her in another lie, telling her he heard a Rumour about her being scouted by another publisher, and it makes her spill about Leighton Leopold. She Claims that since his boss has his thumb on the scale, he wants to print his own recipes that Raymond Bishop denies him from cooking, Leighton Had Come into Money recently Raymond was "convinced" to retire.
Having a Strong Lead, Henry wants to tackle Leighton at Filmore Bistro kitchen right now, But Maggie wants to go home, She sees too little of her daughter as it is, Not that a Childless Bachelor with Too Much Free Time To Wine and Dine Could Ever Understand.
So Henry makes it up to her when he returns from her Sunday Run....by making her family breakfast out of the blue.
He offers to make her an Omelette. So she flatly asks for an Omelette With Everything which he makes and she enjoys. Granted Maggie doesn't explode out of her clothes like A Defeated Enemy in Food Wars, or claims she will now take her Eggs Inseminated, But She's Warming up to him. But Henry says Maggie is right about one thing; Besides Cooking, he has nothing!
Once he washes up, Henry Brings out a replica Murder Board. He is Convinced the Sabotage at The Filmore Bistro happened first with The Sabotage at Chez Duquette was LATER As a Distraction! They go to collar Leopold, only for him to leave a voice message that claims he is about to "End It All!"
TRIGGER WARNING FOR SCENES OF SUICIDE
They Find Leopold, dead in his home. Apparently after committing Sui**de and confessing to Murder. Using the Supposed Feud to take Suspicion off him, Jenkins a Reporter would know the Truth that the Rivalry is a pantomime should this be found out, had to go. Leopold an expert fisher with his own boat, knew how to extract Lamprey Extract to add to Champagne to ply to Jenkins, slowly exposing him to Botulism and making the Eel Dish look like the Murder Weapon. While they don't find the poison, they find pictures his boat and the USB Drive.
But Something doesn't sit right about the Voicemail and the application of poisoned Champagne. While Maggie has some family time with her daughter, she gets a call from Bailey. the detective tells her, they found a photo that doesn't belong with the photos of the Gala. Henry has a flashback to the post-it note when he sees a business card pinned to fridge next to the photo of Leighton's boat. It was not TODD, It was T.C.D.D Hastily written, TCDD Been a Merchant bank on Armaud street. IT WAS NOT A NAME, IT WAS AN ADDRESS! Armaud Street is in the Financial District where that Clock Tower is, and you don't need a sound mixer to hear that, Meaning Leopold was Killed Elsewhere and Forced to Confess and send a message at One O'clock, when the Clock Chimed Twice in the voicemail, meaning Messages where Spliced by a third Player. And this Player Played Everyone to scam Money from the other suspects with fake Fundraisers and the promise of being a franchise of culinary schools and Ready Meals, to scupper both Filmore and Duquette empires and use their resources to do so. The only person a man could never refuse Drink from-A LADY! In the photo is a couple kissing outside the Clock Tower.
The Late Leighton Leopold and his Secret Lover...and His K*ller....and Ian Jenkins' k*ller....PAULINE DUQUETTE!
So it was Really Pauline who served Drink poisoned with Eel Extract, supplied by her lover. So Henry tells her that rather than deny it all they have to do is test for Eel Poison, A poison so virulent, it's no doubt eating away at her hands. So Pauline Draws a gun on them, Replacing her unarmed gun with Maggie's loaded Gun. How did you fall for such weak ruse?
Maggie is Cuffed with her own gear to a radiator and Henry is kidnapped. Luckily Maggie has a second gun and she shoots herself free, Alerting Detectives Bailey and Monroe outside.
Pauline is surrounded and his confronted to Confess about the two person scam to devalue both restaurants so they could sell them cheap, and used Sally's and Ian's Money to expand into a Corporate Food Empire, But Leighton Chickened out when Ian Jenkins was about to expose them, So Leighton had to be silenced, Maggie and Henry argue like a married couple when Pauline Is arrested. But he turns up at Abbey 's Chess game when her father does not.
AWWW! THEY DO LOVE EACH OTHER!
I MUST BE A ROBOT!
THIS FILM IS SHOCKINGLY BORING FOR A MURDER MYSTERY!
One question that most people have when they reveal actors for new detective shows and movies is "Why Do they Give these roles mostly to Comedians?"
And that is simple-Death is a grim subject. And you need levity, Be it from the Goofy Premise of the show's Gimmick, the writing of a policeman been annoyed with the main character, a regular side character who exists to be the comic relief.
Sometimes the Murder can be hilarious, but you risk Jumping The Shark by doing this!
Of course the next choice for casting a star for a detective drama is a dramatic actor.
Dylan Neal, The sixth best actor from the most overrated Ninties show that noone liked, barely qualifies, since as a Child of the nineties, I knew Neal more as the Creepy Magazine boss in that terrible Last Season of Sabrina The Teenage Witch a decade later. So he has being in dramas and Comedies, but nothing of note.
Having Someone who is usually bubbly and vivacious As The Model and TV Host Brooke Burns play a by the book, serious cop is also a headscratcher, though her fitting into fashionable dresses will no doubt be a series stable.
A series I may not want to finish. The only reason I chose this to review, is I thought the silly Premise and lack lustre cast, will be paired with a ridiculously Cheesy script and funny Food pun dialogue.
Apart from Henry alluding to Cat You-Know-What Coffee, this was a generic killing that just happened to be at a banquet, Despite the use of anything other than Arsenic in The Champagne, that in itself is a Trope as old it's Genre.
Hallmark seemingly used ChatGPT to not only write Christmas Romance Films, but scripts to Romance mystery films. There was no emotion in the delivery and any dialogue can be predicted. Or maybe since this may have being originally filmed as either Four 30 minute episodes or Two One hour episodes, It seemed like the main characters broke down the clues every ten minutes to make sure the target audience of Nursing home Residents could still follow along.
Whether or not I actually honour my promise to never cover the series again, I would learn during my research into the books that not all the books were adapted into films-the second film is not based on the second book, Spiced To Death, But the Fifth Book, A Healthy Place To Die, Focusing solely on the books with character development. I was expecting this to be my own Tandy Computer Whiz-Kids that I could return to riff on. Is this Movie bad? Yes, but not bad enough to find stuff to make fun of.
CREDITS
The Pilot based on The First Book Of The Gourmet Detective Series was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (eamonnisenli.bsky.social)
With Media from:
The Gourmet Detective
The Simpsons
Family Guy
Father Brown
Diagnosis Murder
Tone Madison
The Gourmet Detective was Produced by Muse Productions Originally For the Hallmark Channel, Based on the Book series published by St Martin's Press.
All Rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners.
NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE.
We Return to Schitten-On-Havel for the next 3 episodes of Crap Happens!
