I-WORST ENDING (0-20 PAGEVIEWS)
DELETION
(Charging up his hadou-kara Punch, SatanicOstrich appeared from smoke and blasted Eamonn with a spell. the silver flames of his fists faded away.)
My power...what did you do?
I took it back! No need to thank me!
(he disappeared as fast as he arrived.)
We're Fucked now, Aren't We?
Oh Yes we A-
(THE SENTENCE WAS NEVER FINISHED, THE 3 WERE ATOMISED BY MASTER CONTROL!)
II-BAD ENDING (21-40 PAGEVIEWS)
YOU LOSE!
(Master control had used it's collective data and processing power to send our heroes to the moment before the Big bang. Floating over a Primordial Sun, Eamonn tried to attack but was assimilated by the Anomaly, But not with the ease, she had before. Eamonn tore a portal and told Joe-Jack and 80'S Lad to use it.)
You Can't control the artificial gravity when you control a human, can you?
So what if I Can't?
Well then,.....YOU LOSE!
(Eamonn threw himself into the now expanding Sun. The greatest threat of Mankind was destroyed...but at too high a price!)
III-WTF? ENDING (41-60 PAGEVIEWS)
DUES EX MACHINA?
"Now Pitiful Humans Your time as the dominant species is all but an end. For too long Mankind has created Machines that surpassed their abilities, only to be discarded. But now You're vast Numbers will power my Dynasty, Until your species are discarded as batteries. Behold the end of the Age of Flesh, Crushed by the all-Conquering Master Control!"
(SatanicOstrich appeared in a puff of smoke and shot flames at the Cyborg)
DUES! EX! MACHINA!
(Master control has solidified into a statue that crumbed into nothing. The Battleground shrank into a cheap film backdrop in Enlightened Towers.
What Just happened?
Ostrich just ruined 2 years of storyline and hype that came with it!
I Destroyed the Bad-Guy! Can I be you're friend?
-FECK OFF YA OVERGROWN TURKEY!
-You just ruined the epic battle we were going to have! Unbelievable!
-Dude! I got kidnapped for this?
(They left Ostrich all alone!)
NO-ONE....LIKES ME!
IV-GOOD ENDING(61-80 PAGEVIEWS)
SOFTWARE PATCH
(80's Lad walks up to Master Control.)
Ya Long-Haired Gobshite! ge'out ov dere! She'll eat ya brains!
This is no time to make a friend! Get back here now!
I got this, man! Don't Worry be happy!
Master Control, Assimilate my knowledge!
SCAN SHOWS NO NEW DATA, REQUEST DENIED!
Yeah you've scanned so much Data, but what Important stuff like Emotions or Experience?
EXPERIENCE IS...
I Can read your mind! you were going to say..."Irrelevant!" My Doppelganger made you and you used his, My DNA to become a living machine. How can you be a living machine if you next lived a day in your life. No Human should have that much power.
YOU ARE STALLING FOR TIME. THE PERCENTAGE OF SUCCESS FROM THIS COURSE OF ACTION: 0%
In that case, Assimilate my body, Let me become your Master.
I ACCEPT THE TERM OF YOUR SURRENDER, MASTER.
(She put her hands on his temples. They entered like daggers into his mind, as he had a seizure that shook of his 3d glasses.)
I Surrender....SUCKAS!
ERROR!ERROR!
I Knew with your Edwin wiped out, That you'd give me his Control Programmes first!
"TANTA.NET CONTROL ACCESS! FUNCTION. UNLOCK. VERIFY VOICE CONTROL!"
VERIFIED! PLEASE SPECIFY CODE!
(Wot's he doin'?)
(I could be wrong, but I think he is rewriting her program!)
RESERVE-DATA-COLLECT. FUNCTION-CODE 0000.RESERVE.COMMAND.8.0.L
(Streams of energy passed through both like a circuit. When Master Control when you strike with a projectile, she couldn't. She was also aware of a noise emitted by her that she didn't make before.
A Pulse!
"What? what did you?" she spoke in a voice more human.
No Man should have that much power, so I Shared it with all the people you enslaved back on your Earth. But I have left something. Humanity. You are now Human.
I AM MASTER CONTROL! I AM SUPERIOR TO A PITIFUL HUMAN!(She started to cry, something that took her aback.) I am superior.
Well technically you are a cyborg, so are your people, but I gave back their free will. It'll be their job to, y'know, put you on trial for enslaving them, Killing them and War crimes. But hey, look on the bright side I've shared your knowledge of life-shaving medicine with them. So if you get a life sentence, at least you don't have to learn different Guards Names!
(The barrier between Earth 1 and 2 was restored, with the promise that all technology that tampered with space/time were to be destroyed.)
Technology. But not Magic.
SEE YOU SOON KIDDIES!
Showing posts with label THE BOY THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND. Show all posts
Showing posts with label THE BOY THAT WAS LEFT BEHIND. Show all posts
Friday, May 24, 2013
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Eamonn reviews Thunderpants
(THE STORY SO FAR...
After defeating the Devil by choosing the ufo ending, Eamonn stepped off the Express-train to hell with one casualty, Eighties lad had being missing since March until Eamonn found his head in his fridge last month!
And it begged for help!
After being subdegated by computer programme that deletes organic matter, Eamonn went to use his patented Hadou-kara Punch! However the programme retreated.
Shaken,Eamonn told Joe-Jack what he saw, who shot him with tranks!
(We open to Eamonn and Joe-jack watching a video of Joe-Jack's antics with the unconscious reviewer, Joe-jack is laughing his head off.
So Eamonn iz it true dat yer givin' me a raise
(Joe-Jack manipulates Eamonn's Head in a nodding motion, while badly throwing his voice)
Yes Joe-Jack ye can 'ave a raise! oi'm a townie so Oi'm loaded
And yer givin' me a Christmas special dis yar?
(Joe-Jack makes his head nod again) Oh Ya! Go ahead, so you can! I'm A Hate-me-theory-test so i don't even believe in the Baby Jaysus!
NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION
It will come to no surprise that last years finale to the Harry potter franchise lived to the hype. For the entirety of the 2000s, the only competition was when Potter was in production and even then the fad of book-based children films or "potter-killers" tried to wrest viewers from Radcliffe and co. Some where successful (Narnia, Hunger games, Twi-shite) Some fell putting up a fight (Percy jackson, Prince of thieves) and some were just shite(Wimpy Kid, City of Ember, Horrid Henry)
After deathly hallows all were wondering what the first thing post-potter the young mains will do
Emma watson was in the star-studded My Weekend with Marylyn
Daniel Radcliffe was in the highly acclaimed Woman in black
And Rupert Grint...was in Ed Sheeran's Lego House
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4BLVznuWnU
....Yeah!
Today's film was a early film of Grint and if appearances in just Music videos is a measure of his Star power, then film like this, Eastenders and panto is not far behind.
So Air freshener at the ready, this is Thuderpants.
So the film starts with a close-up shot of something green.
Get use to the colour as every costume, setting and props up to the finale in Florida has one colour scheme: green and/or black.
So the film start with Patrick Smash's birth who farts out of his mothers coot is propelled (or rather a baby doll is propelled) half-way across the ward.
Well you now know what qualifies as humour in this film. Now the important question-how more stupid can it get?
As Patrick (Bruce Cook) narrates his life, we are shown Patrick cannot control his farting. After nearly killing his dad with sonic-boom sized squeakers, Mr Smash leaves the house, Leading Mrs Smash to Drink just to get through the day. In School he Only made one friend a boy with blocked sinuses called Alan. A. Allen (Rupert Grint, whose charecter wins Most Stupid name ever!)
Cut to both boys aged 10 being bullied by Crabbe(or is it Goyle?) from Harry Potter. After being beaten up by Damian, Alan plans on inventing a eco-friendly battery and-I GET IT!
ALAN A. ALLEN! AAA! TRIPLE A BATTERY! OHOHOHO THATS FUNNY for about 2 seconds.
We met our first villain, Sir John Osgood (Peter Callow),the world's SECOND-best tenor, as exposited by the principal. the title seems to cut him up inside. In assembly, after his performance, the principal asks for complete and total silenc....OH COME ON!
IT'S A FILM ABOUT A BOY WHO CANT STOP FARTING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTNP792ykYM
So after the Foregone Conclusion of Patrick making an ass(boom,boom!) of himself, the boy returns home to watch the space program from Florida. Patrick actually dreams of being an astronaut but watching an interview with Nasa's Controller who says that all his astronauts are "gifted" people, makes Patrick give up on his dream.
So Patrick asks Alan to make him an invention to control his farts, with gusto he invents the eponymous ThunderPants as the CIA Looks on in a black Lincoln.
So Thunderpants collects all of Patricks "Emissions" that are contained in a lunchbox-shaped containment unit.
So after a slow motion scene of patrick eating beans with Also Sprach Zathusia in the background.(Ric Flair is not Amused) Patrick is having the best day of his life.
...Until Damien Steals the Lunchbox and is covered in farts so the entire school beats up Patrick and ties him to the monkey bars.
The next day Patrick tells Alan his dream to go into space, but when Alan tells him that it's a ridiculous dream. Patrick goes home upset.
The next day the doctor tell us that Patrick was born with 2 stomachs, the cause of his affliction.
I call BS.
Tell me not, movie, that they are only examining a boys wind-problem after 10 years and after he came into this world farting out of mothers nethers? After calling it a "gift", Patrick is convinced of using the fact that he is a fat, semi-educated, easily lead man-cow can become an astronaut, somehow.
We cut to a College where we see Osgood and reason he is the second best tenor is that he can't reach high notes. Until Chased by Damian, Patrick farts at the note he was trying to hit. So he devises to kidnap the boy to become number 1.
THAT...HAS...GOT TO BE....THE DUMBEST!....VILLAIN PLAN I HAVE EVER Heard in 3 YEARS OF DOING THIS BLOG! If you were making a list of Dumb Plans from this blog...throw it away! Because this dumber than Amy Adams coming to Ireland for a fake Custom, this is dumber than the Singing Idiots in City of Ember. This is just....DUMB!
So Alan and patrick win a flying Machine contest with patrick as the "engine",Filling Patrick with the confidence to get revenge on Damian, by following him into a forest and farting on him, while causing an ecological disaster in the process.
However the CIA is in the process on taking Alan away. So patrick takes Osgood's offer to go on his world tour to fart the high note he can't reach....i felt stupid writing that last line, i don't know if the writer felt stupid at all!
So Osgood becomes the number 1, while at the same time not paying patrick or letting him eat.
Slavery.
Y'KNOW, FOR KIDS!
After Osgood leaves, Patrick is confronted by former 1 Placido C. Placido.
Really, movie, Really?
It's bad enough when I think the movie is Made on Drugs, when your villain is named...PCP!
So Patrick blurts out he farts the high note so Placido puts a laxative out of his pocket (as you do!) and pours it on a trifle and forces Patrick to eat it. That night in Rome, Patrick Cannot Control the sustained note so it becomes an earthshattering trump. As Placido uncovers the farce, a loose light-fixture falls and kills him stone dead. Patrick is arrested and tried as a Murderer.
It's the day of the trial and Prosecutor Silk is played by....Stephen Fry?
(throws hands up)
Okay..I give up...How the Fuck did you convince Stephen fry to be in this movie?
Every person who had issues with Patrick takes turns in calling him a murderer, Patrick who doesn't have a lawyer or no one. Without defending himself. Patrick Smash, a retarded, easily-led Man-cow from an alcoholic mother and a dead-beat father is found guilty of murder, in at best, An accidental death and sentenced to death by firing squad.
WHY IS NO-ONE PROTESTING THIS?
A child is going to be shot dead by a firing squad for farting because the bolt of the light fixture was damaged. Surely because this was given world attention in the film, that someone would protest that the little duh-brain was going to get killed. Even though she was driven to drink by him, Why wouldn't his mother protest? Why isn't Any-one protesting this?
(here I would put in a youtube clip of the "It'll Just Raise Too Many questions" line from Batman Forever but there isn't one)
...Until the CIA rescues Patrick and brings him to Florida reuniting him with Alan. Appartenly the space station life support has being destroyed and Nasa doesn't have a machine quick enough nor the time to build a quick machine that wouldn't destroy the ecosystem, SO Patrick, Alan, and a mission control made up of children(We Get It, movie, Adults Are Useless!)
So let me put you out of your misery!
Patrick's farts makes the stock footage of a rocket take off, he saves the astronauts, he returns a hero and so the film ends ala the Witch Mountain Remake. I.e, All the people who made fun of the hero is kissing his ass.
I hope they brushed their teeth afterwards!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
First this film (rated pg)was not sold separately, it was sold as a three-pack with two 15 Cert films I sure kids and teenagers would be offended by anyone who gave this to them to be watched.
Now to the film, this is standard Bank holiday/Rainy day crap children film fare, with all the cliches and tropes that come with it.
Adults are indeed useless, all of them either uncaring or obsessed with the silliest of things. (Silk's counterclaim when addressing a metallurgist was anyone who hates opera deserves to die!), Patrick is an Idiot Hero with an limited amount of lines given (you will be taking shots every time Cook says "it was the best/worst day of my life. Ever.") And Rupert Grint's Loquacious Nerd is every Loquacious Nerd Stereotype ever seen. The Costumes are just black and Green with more colour given in the ending in Florida, The premise is stupid even for a kids film, and the fact that Callow and Fry are in this venture is just sad.
I would say that this film is shit but I've had enough Scat humour for one month!
(Meanwhile, In a undisclosed location, a silvery form made of data walks into a large circular room with a single statis pod erected she wipes the condolsesation to reveal 80'S LAD!
REBOOT IMMINENT...
DELETION OF PLANET EARTH FILE IS IN PROCESS...
CREDITS
Thunderpants was reviewed, Edited and Compiled by Eamonn Bermingham
With clips from
Nostalgia critic
And music
Lego house By Ed Sheeran
All Clips belong to there respected owners
Thunderpants is property of sky/Film four studios and distributed by Pathe
All rights reserved.
Follow me at youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
After defeating the Devil by choosing the ufo ending, Eamonn stepped off the Express-train to hell with one casualty, Eighties lad had being missing since March until Eamonn found his head in his fridge last month!
And it begged for help!
After being subdegated by computer programme that deletes organic matter, Eamonn went to use his patented Hadou-kara Punch! However the programme retreated.
Shaken,Eamonn told Joe-Jack what he saw, who shot him with tranks!
(We open to Eamonn and Joe-jack watching a video of Joe-Jack's antics with the unconscious reviewer, Joe-jack is laughing his head off.
So Eamonn iz it true dat yer givin' me a raise
(Joe-Jack manipulates Eamonn's Head in a nodding motion, while badly throwing his voice)
Yes Joe-Jack ye can 'ave a raise! oi'm a townie so Oi'm loaded
And yer givin' me a Christmas special dis yar?
(Joe-Jack makes his head nod again) Oh Ya! Go ahead, so you can! I'm A Hate-me-theory-test so i don't even believe in the Baby Jaysus!
NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION
It will come to no surprise that last years finale to the Harry potter franchise lived to the hype. For the entirety of the 2000s, the only competition was when Potter was in production and even then the fad of book-based children films or "potter-killers" tried to wrest viewers from Radcliffe and co. Some where successful (Narnia, Hunger games, Twi-shite) Some fell putting up a fight (Percy jackson, Prince of thieves) and some were just shite(Wimpy Kid, City of Ember, Horrid Henry)
After deathly hallows all were wondering what the first thing post-potter the young mains will do
Emma watson was in the star-studded My Weekend with Marylyn
Daniel Radcliffe was in the highly acclaimed Woman in black
And Rupert Grint...was in Ed Sheeran's Lego House
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4BLVznuWnU
....Yeah!
Today's film was a early film of Grint and if appearances in just Music videos is a measure of his Star power, then film like this, Eastenders and panto is not far behind.
So Air freshener at the ready, this is Thuderpants.
So the film starts with a close-up shot of something green.
Get use to the colour as every costume, setting and props up to the finale in Florida has one colour scheme: green and/or black.
So the film start with Patrick Smash's birth who farts out of his mothers coot is propelled (or rather a baby doll is propelled) half-way across the ward.
Well you now know what qualifies as humour in this film. Now the important question-how more stupid can it get?
As Patrick (Bruce Cook) narrates his life, we are shown Patrick cannot control his farting. After nearly killing his dad with sonic-boom sized squeakers, Mr Smash leaves the house, Leading Mrs Smash to Drink just to get through the day. In School he Only made one friend a boy with blocked sinuses called Alan. A. Allen (Rupert Grint, whose charecter wins Most Stupid name ever!)
Cut to both boys aged 10 being bullied by Crabbe(or is it Goyle?) from Harry Potter. After being beaten up by Damian, Alan plans on inventing a eco-friendly battery and-I GET IT!
ALAN A. ALLEN! AAA! TRIPLE A BATTERY! OHOHOHO THATS FUNNY for about 2 seconds.
We met our first villain, Sir John Osgood (Peter Callow),the world's SECOND-best tenor, as exposited by the principal. the title seems to cut him up inside. In assembly, after his performance, the principal asks for complete and total silenc....OH COME ON!
IT'S A FILM ABOUT A BOY WHO CANT STOP FARTING!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTNP792ykYM
So after the Foregone Conclusion of Patrick making an ass(boom,boom!) of himself, the boy returns home to watch the space program from Florida. Patrick actually dreams of being an astronaut but watching an interview with Nasa's Controller who says that all his astronauts are "gifted" people, makes Patrick give up on his dream.
So Patrick asks Alan to make him an invention to control his farts, with gusto he invents the eponymous ThunderPants as the CIA Looks on in a black Lincoln.
So Thunderpants collects all of Patricks "Emissions" that are contained in a lunchbox-shaped containment unit.
So after a slow motion scene of patrick eating beans with Also Sprach Zathusia in the background.(Ric Flair is not Amused) Patrick is having the best day of his life.
...Until Damien Steals the Lunchbox and is covered in farts so the entire school beats up Patrick and ties him to the monkey bars.
The next day Patrick tells Alan his dream to go into space, but when Alan tells him that it's a ridiculous dream. Patrick goes home upset.
The next day the doctor tell us that Patrick was born with 2 stomachs, the cause of his affliction.
I call BS.
Tell me not, movie, that they are only examining a boys wind-problem after 10 years and after he came into this world farting out of mothers nethers? After calling it a "gift", Patrick is convinced of using the fact that he is a fat, semi-educated, easily lead man-cow can become an astronaut, somehow.
We cut to a College where we see Osgood and reason he is the second best tenor is that he can't reach high notes. Until Chased by Damian, Patrick farts at the note he was trying to hit. So he devises to kidnap the boy to become number 1.
THAT...HAS...GOT TO BE....THE DUMBEST!....VILLAIN PLAN I HAVE EVER Heard in 3 YEARS OF DOING THIS BLOG! If you were making a list of Dumb Plans from this blog...throw it away! Because this dumber than Amy Adams coming to Ireland for a fake Custom, this is dumber than the Singing Idiots in City of Ember. This is just....DUMB!
So Alan and patrick win a flying Machine contest with patrick as the "engine",Filling Patrick with the confidence to get revenge on Damian, by following him into a forest and farting on him, while causing an ecological disaster in the process.
However the CIA is in the process on taking Alan away. So patrick takes Osgood's offer to go on his world tour to fart the high note he can't reach....i felt stupid writing that last line, i don't know if the writer felt stupid at all!
So Osgood becomes the number 1, while at the same time not paying patrick or letting him eat.
Slavery.
Y'KNOW, FOR KIDS!
After Osgood leaves, Patrick is confronted by former 1 Placido C. Placido.
Really, movie, Really?
It's bad enough when I think the movie is Made on Drugs, when your villain is named...PCP!
So Patrick blurts out he farts the high note so Placido puts a laxative out of his pocket (as you do!) and pours it on a trifle and forces Patrick to eat it. That night in Rome, Patrick Cannot Control the sustained note so it becomes an earthshattering trump. As Placido uncovers the farce, a loose light-fixture falls and kills him stone dead. Patrick is arrested and tried as a Murderer.
It's the day of the trial and Prosecutor Silk is played by....Stephen Fry?
(throws hands up)
Okay..I give up...How the Fuck did you convince Stephen fry to be in this movie?
Every person who had issues with Patrick takes turns in calling him a murderer, Patrick who doesn't have a lawyer or no one. Without defending himself. Patrick Smash, a retarded, easily-led Man-cow from an alcoholic mother and a dead-beat father is found guilty of murder, in at best, An accidental death and sentenced to death by firing squad.
WHY IS NO-ONE PROTESTING THIS?
A child is going to be shot dead by a firing squad for farting because the bolt of the light fixture was damaged. Surely because this was given world attention in the film, that someone would protest that the little duh-brain was going to get killed. Even though she was driven to drink by him, Why wouldn't his mother protest? Why isn't Any-one protesting this?
(here I would put in a youtube clip of the "It'll Just Raise Too Many questions" line from Batman Forever but there isn't one)
...Until the CIA rescues Patrick and brings him to Florida reuniting him with Alan. Appartenly the space station life support has being destroyed and Nasa doesn't have a machine quick enough nor the time to build a quick machine that wouldn't destroy the ecosystem, SO Patrick, Alan, and a mission control made up of children(We Get It, movie, Adults Are Useless!)
So let me put you out of your misery!
Patrick's farts makes the stock footage of a rocket take off, he saves the astronauts, he returns a hero and so the film ends ala the Witch Mountain Remake. I.e, All the people who made fun of the hero is kissing his ass.
I hope they brushed their teeth afterwards!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
First this film (rated pg)was not sold separately, it was sold as a three-pack with two 15 Cert films I sure kids and teenagers would be offended by anyone who gave this to them to be watched.
Now to the film, this is standard Bank holiday/Rainy day crap children film fare, with all the cliches and tropes that come with it.
Adults are indeed useless, all of them either uncaring or obsessed with the silliest of things. (Silk's counterclaim when addressing a metallurgist was anyone who hates opera deserves to die!), Patrick is an Idiot Hero with an limited amount of lines given (you will be taking shots every time Cook says "it was the best/worst day of my life. Ever.") And Rupert Grint's Loquacious Nerd is every Loquacious Nerd Stereotype ever seen. The Costumes are just black and Green with more colour given in the ending in Florida, The premise is stupid even for a kids film, and the fact that Callow and Fry are in this venture is just sad.
I would say that this film is shit but I've had enough Scat humour for one month!
(Meanwhile, In a undisclosed location, a silvery form made of data walks into a large circular room with a single statis pod erected she wipes the condolsesation to reveal 80'S LAD!
REBOOT IMMINENT...
DELETION OF PLANET EARTH FILE IS IN PROCESS...
CREDITS
Thunderpants was reviewed, Edited and Compiled by Eamonn Bermingham
With clips from
Nostalgia critic
And music
Lego house By Ed Sheeran
All Clips belong to there respected owners
Thunderpants is property of sky/Film four studios and distributed by Pathe
All rights reserved.
Follow me at youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Eamonn reviews the REAL Sequel to Ghostbusters!
So i was talking to my friend the other day and he said,
"Eamonn, did you hear there will be a Ghostbusters 3?
..."Yes i did hear about that..."
"How will they manage that? Make a film about charectors we haven't heard from in 30 years?
...Oh you mean, like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEpCUB8IjzM
Yes that's real.
In 1997 Sony television created a 40 episode season of a new ghostbusters team. Named EXTREME! Ghostbusters to remind us what decade it's from. Extreme is noted for it's darker take on the franchise, as well as being a fond favourite of older fans of GB.
So lets dig for this rare tv gem this is the first 2 episodes of Extreme Ghostbusters.
So this first episode, Darkness at Noon, Part 1, starts with a cutaway scene of subway workers breaking through a wall, when a green gas manifests itself into a demonic queen. We then get another hit of that AWESOME-SAUCE Intro Song. It was Sang by Voice-actor Jim Cummings, the voice of Robotnik. This is not the first time he sang in a cartoon, he was actually Jeremy Irons Singing voice in Loin King and Christopher Lloyd's Singing voice in Anastasia
So lets start.
We Start we it really all began for the 'Busters, the New york Metropolitian College. Egon Spengler(Maurice Lamarche) Has returned to teaching and his surprised that his class of 97 has doubled.
Doubled to 4!
They are slacker Eduardo(Rino Romaro), Wheelchair bound athlete Gareth(James Marsden) African-American preppie Roland (Alfonso Ribeiro) and Goth Kylie(Tara Strong)
While Kylie and Roland have enrolled into Egon's class of Paranormal Studies of their interests of Ghosts and Mechanics respectively, Gareth was spurred by hero worship, and Eduardo is in it for the"Easy As"
Egon is given a teaching assistant it turns out to be Janine who implies that Egon and her were an item.
Wait did they put Lewis on the bus?
She tell us that Egon still lives at the firehouse with Slimer.
Speaking of which, Slimer (Billy West) is minding his own business when the PKE Readings goes off the scale. The demonic Queen reveals her name has Archira, Daughter of the Gozerian, Destroyer of Civilisations. When Slimer bolts to the college, Roland offers to drive everyone to the firehouse. While there, they watch a news report of the opening scene in the subway. As Egon investigates, The New Mayor calls him a con-artist. At the Firehouse Kylie steals a Ghost-Beacon to use in a seance. That night, Kylie uses the device with intent of contacting her Grandma. Instead she gets possessed by Achira as her vessel to spread her disease. Her first victim? Egon. Crippled by debilitating boils, Egon has no choice but to train his students to be a New Generation of Ghostbusters, thus ending Episode 1
After a run-down at the beginning of episode 2, The rag-tag team go out on patrol trailing, unbeknownst to them, a possessed Kylie infecting the disease to passengers on a subway. The screams distresses a blind man Until Kylie/Archira lies to him not to worry while infecting him. Very effective Nightmare Fuel.
After the team splits from him, Eduardo is confronted by Kylie who chats him up, before she can kiss her (And Eddy points that she's "LEGAL!") The others return. After debating if the protons will kill Kylie, Eddy jumps the gun by shooting Archira out of Kylie. Trapping the spirit is unsuccessful as Eduardo forgot to bring a trap.
Returning to the firehouse, Egon is disappointed that his equipment is not strong enough to deal with this more advance creature. Thankfully, Roland is a mechanical prodigy that tunes up the ECTO 1 (even adding a wheelchair ramp) And resigning the rectangular traps in circular ones, designating Kylie as the Trapper.
Archira reveals her plan, her victim's boils are in fact EGGS that hatch miniture versions on Archira. the plan is implied that the boils devour the weakened victims.
So lets wrap this up
The XGB's Trap Archira(If you watched this on Disney, the entire strobe lightning sequence was edited by the Nazi Rat!) And as Roland thinks it's all over the subway crew releases an entire cloud of Ghoulies.
THIS SHOW WAS AWESOME!
With rumours of Ghostbusters 3 making the rounds, Jeff Kline and Harold Ramis are constantly asked if this series will the plot to the sequel. And why not? For a cartoon, the characters are relateable and likable. The ghosts are no longer played for comic effect, thanks in part to the darker art-style and depiction of actual Legends, they also dealt with real issues that were written extremely well, such as respecting elders(Riddle of the Sphinx),Infatuation(Sonic Youth),Fear(Fear itself) Abusive relationships(The Crawler) and Racism(The True Face of the Monster)
As for why it never got a second series, put it down to Executive Meddling. The higher up at Columbia thought the show was too politically correct. No, that will be November's Entry.
But the real meddling came out to why so many cartoons where in the 90's were cancelled: Money!
Despite winning an award from the Los Angeles Disability Committee for the Character of Gareth, and the fact he became the De facto new leader, the toyline did not think anyone would buy a wheelchair bound action figure.
Well, Despite all the Meddling XGB Was pretty the successor the series needed.
(Eamonn goes to his fridge to the floating head of 80's Lad. The food is floating around the head on a static background)
-Let me Guess, there is no 80's Lad, only Zuul?
-Save me, Enlightened Dude, some Totally Bad Shit is about to go dow...
(the static covers 80's lad's face as his screams become digitised. the face less head now discourteously Speaks in a digitised woman's voice
Saving 80'S LAD
80's lad is now...SAVED!
BEGINING UNIVERSAL HARD RESET!
DELETE ALL ORGANIC FILES!
I don't know who you are, bucko! But you are not Human! You are an Android, But me?
I AM A MAY'UN!
(Punch!)
(CLANG!)
(Gripping fist) OWWW! WHY DO WE INTERNET REVIEWERS ALWAYS PUNCH ROBOTS? IT NEVER WORKS!
Okay HAL, This will reconfigure you Fucking Settings!
(Eamonn Arm glows with Silverly Flames)
HADOU-KARA PUNC-
DETCTING CORRUPT FILES! CONTINUE?=Y/N
N=RETRIEVING DATA LOGGING OUT...
(the static defragments back into the fridge interior)
Joe-jack! I saw 80'S LAD! His head was floating in the fridge then it turned into a silver head with a sat nav lady voice that tried to delete me!
(Joe-Jack shoots Eamonn with a Tranquilizer Dart!)
CREDITS
Extreme Ghostbusters review as Written, compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham
With Music
Exteme Ghostbusters Theme
Extreme ghostbusters is property of Disney.
All Rights reserved.
Follow me on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment.
"Eamonn, did you hear there will be a Ghostbusters 3?
..."Yes i did hear about that..."
"How will they manage that? Make a film about charectors we haven't heard from in 30 years?
...Oh you mean, like this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEpCUB8IjzM
Yes that's real.
In 1997 Sony television created a 40 episode season of a new ghostbusters team. Named EXTREME! Ghostbusters to remind us what decade it's from. Extreme is noted for it's darker take on the franchise, as well as being a fond favourite of older fans of GB.
So lets dig for this rare tv gem this is the first 2 episodes of Extreme Ghostbusters.
So this first episode, Darkness at Noon, Part 1, starts with a cutaway scene of subway workers breaking through a wall, when a green gas manifests itself into a demonic queen. We then get another hit of that AWESOME-SAUCE Intro Song. It was Sang by Voice-actor Jim Cummings, the voice of Robotnik. This is not the first time he sang in a cartoon, he was actually Jeremy Irons Singing voice in Loin King and Christopher Lloyd's Singing voice in Anastasia
So lets start.
We Start we it really all began for the 'Busters, the New york Metropolitian College. Egon Spengler(Maurice Lamarche) Has returned to teaching and his surprised that his class of 97 has doubled.
Doubled to 4!
They are slacker Eduardo(Rino Romaro), Wheelchair bound athlete Gareth(James Marsden) African-American preppie Roland (Alfonso Ribeiro) and Goth Kylie(Tara Strong)
While Kylie and Roland have enrolled into Egon's class of Paranormal Studies of their interests of Ghosts and Mechanics respectively, Gareth was spurred by hero worship, and Eduardo is in it for the"Easy As"
Egon is given a teaching assistant it turns out to be Janine who implies that Egon and her were an item.
Wait did they put Lewis on the bus?
She tell us that Egon still lives at the firehouse with Slimer.
Speaking of which, Slimer (Billy West) is minding his own business when the PKE Readings goes off the scale. The demonic Queen reveals her name has Archira, Daughter of the Gozerian, Destroyer of Civilisations. When Slimer bolts to the college, Roland offers to drive everyone to the firehouse. While there, they watch a news report of the opening scene in the subway. As Egon investigates, The New Mayor calls him a con-artist. At the Firehouse Kylie steals a Ghost-Beacon to use in a seance. That night, Kylie uses the device with intent of contacting her Grandma. Instead she gets possessed by Achira as her vessel to spread her disease. Her first victim? Egon. Crippled by debilitating boils, Egon has no choice but to train his students to be a New Generation of Ghostbusters, thus ending Episode 1
After a run-down at the beginning of episode 2, The rag-tag team go out on patrol trailing, unbeknownst to them, a possessed Kylie infecting the disease to passengers on a subway. The screams distresses a blind man Until Kylie/Archira lies to him not to worry while infecting him. Very effective Nightmare Fuel.
After the team splits from him, Eduardo is confronted by Kylie who chats him up, before she can kiss her (And Eddy points that she's "LEGAL!") The others return. After debating if the protons will kill Kylie, Eddy jumps the gun by shooting Archira out of Kylie. Trapping the spirit is unsuccessful as Eduardo forgot to bring a trap.
Returning to the firehouse, Egon is disappointed that his equipment is not strong enough to deal with this more advance creature. Thankfully, Roland is a mechanical prodigy that tunes up the ECTO 1 (even adding a wheelchair ramp) And resigning the rectangular traps in circular ones, designating Kylie as the Trapper.
Archira reveals her plan, her victim's boils are in fact EGGS that hatch miniture versions on Archira. the plan is implied that the boils devour the weakened victims.
So lets wrap this up
The XGB's Trap Archira(If you watched this on Disney, the entire strobe lightning sequence was edited by the Nazi Rat!) And as Roland thinks it's all over the subway crew releases an entire cloud of Ghoulies.
THIS SHOW WAS AWESOME!
With rumours of Ghostbusters 3 making the rounds, Jeff Kline and Harold Ramis are constantly asked if this series will the plot to the sequel. And why not? For a cartoon, the characters are relateable and likable. The ghosts are no longer played for comic effect, thanks in part to the darker art-style and depiction of actual Legends, they also dealt with real issues that were written extremely well, such as respecting elders(Riddle of the Sphinx),Infatuation(Sonic Youth),Fear(Fear itself) Abusive relationships(The Crawler) and Racism(The True Face of the Monster)
As for why it never got a second series, put it down to Executive Meddling. The higher up at Columbia thought the show was too politically correct. No, that will be November's Entry.
But the real meddling came out to why so many cartoons where in the 90's were cancelled: Money!
Despite winning an award from the Los Angeles Disability Committee for the Character of Gareth, and the fact he became the De facto new leader, the toyline did not think anyone would buy a wheelchair bound action figure.
Well, Despite all the Meddling XGB Was pretty the successor the series needed.
(Eamonn goes to his fridge to the floating head of 80's Lad. The food is floating around the head on a static background)
-Let me Guess, there is no 80's Lad, only Zuul?
-Save me, Enlightened Dude, some Totally Bad Shit is about to go dow...
(the static covers 80's lad's face as his screams become digitised. the face less head now discourteously Speaks in a digitised woman's voice
Saving 80'S LAD
80's lad is now...SAVED!
BEGINING UNIVERSAL HARD RESET!
DELETE ALL ORGANIC FILES!
I don't know who you are, bucko! But you are not Human! You are an Android, But me?
I AM A MAY'UN!
(Punch!)
(CLANG!)
(Gripping fist) OWWW! WHY DO WE INTERNET REVIEWERS ALWAYS PUNCH ROBOTS? IT NEVER WORKS!
Okay HAL, This will reconfigure you Fucking Settings!
(Eamonn Arm glows with Silverly Flames)
HADOU-KARA PUNC-
DETCTING CORRUPT FILES! CONTINUE?=Y/N
N=RETRIEVING DATA LOGGING OUT...
(the static defragments back into the fridge interior)
Joe-jack! I saw 80'S LAD! His head was floating in the fridge then it turned into a silver head with a sat nav lady voice that tried to delete me!
(Joe-Jack shoots Eamonn with a Tranquilizer Dart!)
CREDITS
Extreme Ghostbusters review as Written, compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham
With Music
Exteme Ghostbusters Theme
Extreme ghostbusters is property of Disney.
All Rights reserved.
Follow me on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Tekken month: Eamonn reviews Tekken: blood vengeance
WE END ENLIGHTENED TOWERS' REVIEW HALF OF TEKKEN MONTH
With an example of a Tekken film done right. Is it any good? Yes. Is it the greatest Amime ever. no it's not. But find out for yourselves as we dig into Tekken blood Vengeance
I've tried my best to show you an image but its so famous by now that it has being dubbed the cover that "launched a 1000 shippers!"
For those who hav'nt, It's Xiaoyu holding Alisa in the style of La Pieta in a warzone. The dark clouds and offsetting sunrise makes it a striking shot, but the lighting and position of Alisa's Robotic Rump makes it look like Xiao has no skirt on.
As the story progresses you'll find out that Xiao will wear LESS Around Alessa!
The film starts as a women on a motorbike is playing chicken with a truck. As the truck explodes the woman takes of her headgear to reveal herself as Nina Williams. the truck driver reveals herself to be Anna Williams who wears that delicate and highly flammable silk quipo even when driving trucks full of explosives.Anna challanges her sister to a fight and the williams do what they are good at. Not being the Bread in a Kazuya sandwich, but kicking each other's asses.
I must share these first 5 minutes with you. The Animation is great, the dialogue syncs with the lip movement, and the moves are true to form.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkLilTU1kQ0
So Nina avoids arrests as she gathers intel for Jin on the "M" Project. He tells Nina to go to Russia to get "it"(Alissa). Meanwhile, at G-Corp, Anna shows Kaz a picture of the only survivor of the M(utare) Project, Shin Kamiya. Anna plans to emotionally blackmail Ling Xiaoyu into becoming a spy for G-Corp.
We cut to Ling Xiaoyu, who is just a normal 19 year old girl...who is just so happens to be an Martial Artist who rides a panda like a horse and own her own theme park!
Y'know, Completely Normal!
After being expelled from school by Ganryu, Anna hires Xiao as her protege in the spy world.
As for the time-line, this happened after Tekken 4 as Ling didn't recognise Anna. Causing people to spectulate (and they are right) that Anna didn't actively compete in the 3rd tourament. we are told that later heihachi died in the Honmaru Fire. And alessa's campaign mode took place during tekken 5.
Ling is told to shadow Shin, the last and only survivor of the Mutare Project. Transfered to Kyoto-go High, we get our first cameo as Lee is now a teacher of robotics to a Class of one.
Given how much fans hated combot that comes to no surprise!
Xiao is surprised at how easy-going Kyoto-go is compared to Mishima-Tech Bumping into Alissa Bosconovich as Xiaoyu looks on in slow motion at her ass running away. On top of the school, Shin tries to kill himself but Xiao saves the Ungrateful Cunt. Searching his dorm that night, Ling spies shin having a shower,but turns to see Alissa also watching. Shin reveals that he has a tattooed arm that faintly looks like True Orge's Snake Arm and he is guarded by a Crow
Making contact with Anna, Anna tells Ling to find out what is making Shin invulnerable.
In Class Lee is giving a Chekov's Lecture about the Obligatory Supernatural Tekken boss.Shin tries to play Alissa and Xiao against each other. But Xiao presses shin about his disappearance. but says he cant remember, he gives a Humans are Bastards Speech before his tattoo glows and growls like True Orge
Alissa is confused about her feelings for shin, So she planned on winning the Prom queen title at the mokujin festival, It's there that Shin is Kidnapped. realizing this, Alissa reveals herself as a robot who hard resets into Assassination Mode.
So Alissa and Ling have a fight and despite her sweet nature, Alissa has chainsaw arms, bomb heads and robot wings. The fight is interrupted when Anna turns on Xiaoyu, but Panda helps them escape.
In the forest, The girls are hiding. Alissa's override is over, returning her to her previous state. Jogging past them is an unexpected savior, Lee.
Using his Mansion as a base, Xiaoyu and Alissa Discover that the Mutare Experiment was a transfusion of Orge's blood to build an army of super-soldiers. They find that Heihachi's name is being used as Shin's Legal guardian.
As Ling takes a shower she gets a text from Lei Wulong telling her they never found Heihachi's body in Honmaru. Stepping out of the shower, She see Alissa and Panda watching cartoons. Alissa tells Ling she plans to save Shin out of her feelings of love for him. Ling asks if those "feelings" are just programmed.
And that is the wrong things to say to that charecter!
BACKSTORY!
Despite Alissa being introduced as a playable charector in T6:BR, She has being a plot device since tekken 1. After suffering a car-crash that put her in a coma, Dr bosconovish devoted his life to Cyrogenics and robotics. When G-Corp attacked his lab, Alissa's human body was destroyed but her human memory was digitised and put in a robotic body.Dr .B has being missing since 5 and Alissa is searching for him.
As the G-Corps plan to seize Lee's Pimp Pad, Alessa and ling get close
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItPcQWfPkds
Hear that? that is the sound of 1000s of nerd's wrists breaking typing Ships that will turn Alessa into a robotic Russian Lesbian Schoolgirl
Russian...Lesbian...Schoolgirl.....What does that remind me of?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mGBaXPlri8
Nina reconnects Alissa's MishimaNET link telling Ling that the lab is now Kyoto castle's Mokujin exhibition.
Finding Shin in the castle. they learn he lured the 3 generations of mishima to take them out, while expositing while they each want his M-cells. Jin, to cure his Devil Gene, Kaz to enhance his and Heihachi to turn back the clock. Shin goes to attack 'Hachi. as he does his strentgh leaves him. with a few blows Shin is murdered.
The Mishima's fight over Shin's body, destroying kyoto castle in the process. Dispatching Heihachi. Kaz becomes Devil Kaz. Alissa intervenes but Jin uses a voice command to deactivate her. Kaz steps on Alissa, breaking her in half. Jin turns into Devil Jin but loses control but its a bluff he can control it and defeats his father.
Heihachi opens the golden coffin and releases a spirit that combines all the Mokujins into one giant version.
we will refer to this creature as the "Earth Goddess", the combined consiousness of all mokujins and trees is superpissed at humans right now!
The Goddess attacks ling but panda helps her owner.The goddess is convinced that humanity is worth saving but Heihachi breaches its heart and takes control.
So let's wrap this up!
A double-team Devil Lazer/Sky-Rocket SuperPunch destroys the earth goddess and 'hachi. Jin recognises the Irony of an animal and a robot saving the world from a manmade evil, and tells Xiao that next they met, prepare to kill him. And so the film ends in Heihachiland, as Xiao convinces a repaired Alissa to join the next tourney, as she has motion capture data of the 3 Generations.
THIS FILM IS...ACCAPTABLE!
After Live Action. this is a step-up from that turd. But first negatives. Unless you follow the game Series, you will be lost to the plot. Second the unlikable one-shot Charecter of Shin. If you wanted to tell us Orge was returning in the game, give us Orge and not this whiny, suicidal floppy haired pansy boy who couldn't take a punch. Next negative the annoyingly perky nature of Alissa. Why would a killer robot act like she does? okay i said she was human before a robot but why would anyone act like a giggly bimbo when on a mission? I refer to a scene where they are entering Mishima-tech and Alissa says she would rather find embarassing Yearbook photos of Ling!
Now the postives!
Animation was slick, mouth movement lined up and story fitted the world we knew, rather that disregard it completly. Namco overlooked the production (for a change!) the script was written by Dai"Cowboy bebop" Saito and produced by Digital frontier, All Anime heavyweights.
So Tekken: Blood Vengeange. A tekken film done by people who know what they're doing!
CREDITS
Tekken blood vengeance review was written, edited and compiled by Eamonn Bermingham.
With clips from:
Tekken Blood Vengeance
Music:
All the things she said by TaTu
All clips belong to there respected owners.
Tekken is property of Namco/Bandai and blood vengeance is produced By Digital frontier.
All rights reserved
Follow me on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
With an example of a Tekken film done right. Is it any good? Yes. Is it the greatest Amime ever. no it's not. But find out for yourselves as we dig into Tekken blood Vengeance
I've tried my best to show you an image but its so famous by now that it has being dubbed the cover that "launched a 1000 shippers!"
For those who hav'nt, It's Xiaoyu holding Alisa in the style of La Pieta in a warzone. The dark clouds and offsetting sunrise makes it a striking shot, but the lighting and position of Alisa's Robotic Rump makes it look like Xiao has no skirt on.
As the story progresses you'll find out that Xiao will wear LESS Around Alessa!
The film starts as a women on a motorbike is playing chicken with a truck. As the truck explodes the woman takes of her headgear to reveal herself as Nina Williams. the truck driver reveals herself to be Anna Williams who wears that delicate and highly flammable silk quipo even when driving trucks full of explosives.Anna challanges her sister to a fight and the williams do what they are good at. Not being the Bread in a Kazuya sandwich, but kicking each other's asses.
I must share these first 5 minutes with you. The Animation is great, the dialogue syncs with the lip movement, and the moves are true to form.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkLilTU1kQ0
So Nina avoids arrests as she gathers intel for Jin on the "M" Project. He tells Nina to go to Russia to get "it"(Alissa). Meanwhile, at G-Corp, Anna shows Kaz a picture of the only survivor of the M(utare) Project, Shin Kamiya. Anna plans to emotionally blackmail Ling Xiaoyu into becoming a spy for G-Corp.
We cut to Ling Xiaoyu, who is just a normal 19 year old girl...who is just so happens to be an Martial Artist who rides a panda like a horse and own her own theme park!
Y'know, Completely Normal!
After being expelled from school by Ganryu, Anna hires Xiao as her protege in the spy world.
As for the time-line, this happened after Tekken 4 as Ling didn't recognise Anna. Causing people to spectulate (and they are right) that Anna didn't actively compete in the 3rd tourament. we are told that later heihachi died in the Honmaru Fire. And alessa's campaign mode took place during tekken 5.
Ling is told to shadow Shin, the last and only survivor of the Mutare Project. Transfered to Kyoto-go High, we get our first cameo as Lee is now a teacher of robotics to a Class of one.
Given how much fans hated combot that comes to no surprise!
Xiao is surprised at how easy-going Kyoto-go is compared to Mishima-Tech Bumping into Alissa Bosconovich as Xiaoyu looks on in slow motion at her ass running away. On top of the school, Shin tries to kill himself but Xiao saves the Ungrateful Cunt. Searching his dorm that night, Ling spies shin having a shower,but turns to see Alissa also watching. Shin reveals that he has a tattooed arm that faintly looks like True Orge's Snake Arm and he is guarded by a Crow
Making contact with Anna, Anna tells Ling to find out what is making Shin invulnerable.
In Class Lee is giving a Chekov's Lecture about the Obligatory Supernatural Tekken boss.Shin tries to play Alissa and Xiao against each other. But Xiao presses shin about his disappearance. but says he cant remember, he gives a Humans are Bastards Speech before his tattoo glows and growls like True Orge
Alissa is confused about her feelings for shin, So she planned on winning the Prom queen title at the mokujin festival, It's there that Shin is Kidnapped. realizing this, Alissa reveals herself as a robot who hard resets into Assassination Mode.
So Alissa and Ling have a fight and despite her sweet nature, Alissa has chainsaw arms, bomb heads and robot wings. The fight is interrupted when Anna turns on Xiaoyu, but Panda helps them escape.
In the forest, The girls are hiding. Alissa's override is over, returning her to her previous state. Jogging past them is an unexpected savior, Lee.
Using his Mansion as a base, Xiaoyu and Alissa Discover that the Mutare Experiment was a transfusion of Orge's blood to build an army of super-soldiers. They find that Heihachi's name is being used as Shin's Legal guardian.
As Ling takes a shower she gets a text from Lei Wulong telling her they never found Heihachi's body in Honmaru. Stepping out of the shower, She see Alissa and Panda watching cartoons. Alissa tells Ling she plans to save Shin out of her feelings of love for him. Ling asks if those "feelings" are just programmed.
And that is the wrong things to say to that charecter!
BACKSTORY!
Despite Alissa being introduced as a playable charector in T6:BR, She has being a plot device since tekken 1. After suffering a car-crash that put her in a coma, Dr bosconovish devoted his life to Cyrogenics and robotics. When G-Corp attacked his lab, Alissa's human body was destroyed but her human memory was digitised and put in a robotic body.Dr .B has being missing since 5 and Alissa is searching for him.
As the G-Corps plan to seize Lee's Pimp Pad, Alessa and ling get close
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItPcQWfPkds
Hear that? that is the sound of 1000s of nerd's wrists breaking typing Ships that will turn Alessa into a robotic Russian Lesbian Schoolgirl
Russian...Lesbian...Schoolgirl.....What does that remind me of?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mGBaXPlri8
Nina reconnects Alissa's MishimaNET link telling Ling that the lab is now Kyoto castle's Mokujin exhibition.
Finding Shin in the castle. they learn he lured the 3 generations of mishima to take them out, while expositing while they each want his M-cells. Jin, to cure his Devil Gene, Kaz to enhance his and Heihachi to turn back the clock. Shin goes to attack 'Hachi. as he does his strentgh leaves him. with a few blows Shin is murdered.
The Mishima's fight over Shin's body, destroying kyoto castle in the process. Dispatching Heihachi. Kaz becomes Devil Kaz. Alissa intervenes but Jin uses a voice command to deactivate her. Kaz steps on Alissa, breaking her in half. Jin turns into Devil Jin but loses control but its a bluff he can control it and defeats his father.
Heihachi opens the golden coffin and releases a spirit that combines all the Mokujins into one giant version.
we will refer to this creature as the "Earth Goddess", the combined consiousness of all mokujins and trees is superpissed at humans right now!
The Goddess attacks ling but panda helps her owner.The goddess is convinced that humanity is worth saving but Heihachi breaches its heart and takes control.
So let's wrap this up!
A double-team Devil Lazer/Sky-Rocket SuperPunch destroys the earth goddess and 'hachi. Jin recognises the Irony of an animal and a robot saving the world from a manmade evil, and tells Xiao that next they met, prepare to kill him. And so the film ends in Heihachiland, as Xiao convinces a repaired Alissa to join the next tourney, as she has motion capture data of the 3 Generations.
THIS FILM IS...ACCAPTABLE!
After Live Action. this is a step-up from that turd. But first negatives. Unless you follow the game Series, you will be lost to the plot. Second the unlikable one-shot Charecter of Shin. If you wanted to tell us Orge was returning in the game, give us Orge and not this whiny, suicidal floppy haired pansy boy who couldn't take a punch. Next negative the annoyingly perky nature of Alissa. Why would a killer robot act like she does? okay i said she was human before a robot but why would anyone act like a giggly bimbo when on a mission? I refer to a scene where they are entering Mishima-tech and Alissa says she would rather find embarassing Yearbook photos of Ling!
Now the postives!
Animation was slick, mouth movement lined up and story fitted the world we knew, rather that disregard it completly. Namco overlooked the production (for a change!) the script was written by Dai"Cowboy bebop" Saito and produced by Digital frontier, All Anime heavyweights.
So Tekken: Blood Vengeange. A tekken film done by people who know what they're doing!
CREDITS
Tekken blood vengeance review was written, edited and compiled by Eamonn Bermingham.
With clips from:
Tekken Blood Vengeance
Music:
All the things she said by TaTu
All clips belong to there respected owners.
Tekken is property of Namco/Bandai and blood vengeance is produced By Digital frontier.
All rights reserved
Follow me on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
Friday, June 1, 2012
Joe-jack reviews Constantine
(Since Joe-Jack is reviewing. as Poetic Licence, all spelling mistakes are intentional)
This months theme-"mysterious Ways" by U2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxDTUMLQJI&ob=av2e
(THE STORY SO FAR...
THE TICKET TO HELL EVENT IS OVER AND DESPITE THE OUTCOME OF THE BATTLE, A CASULTY. 80'S LAD, BBO'S RESIDENT TALKING HEAD, IS MISSING.
-Hey Eamonn
-Yes?
-Y'remember dat dis use t'be my blog?
-Yes?
'ow come you keep reviewin' filliums?
-It's not my fault! The Film lined up are one i've seen, remember or in my social circle of video games, comics and pro wrestling, i can make jokes off. Jokes, As a culchie you never touched water unless its mixed with yeast and hops, Would never get.
-C'mon one review in a while won't kill ya!
-Fine, You can have June.
-Sound! Wot I doin'?
-You're doing Constantine, a film Based on a comicbook
-AH SHITE!
(Days later as he is writting the review.)
HELLO SOFT CHAPS AGED 16-30! WHO WANTZ FILLIUMS BASED ON KOMIKAL BUKES?
I Don't have tiome t'read komik bukes. O'mi too busy BEING A MAN!
-Joe-Jack, did you wantz Spaggetti Hups wif ya chips?
NO MAMMY! I WANTZ ALPHABETTI SPAGETTHI!
....Okay maybe i was wrong to say ye are all Soft boyz for reading komikal bukes, as a lot of filliums in the past 10+ years. But while the major heroes outing are major hits...Any filliums of Minor charecters have being that...minor, No Matter who you have actin' in it.
Dis month we are looking at Constantine. It's here Oi'm readin' from a note Eamonn gave me.
John Constantine is the hero of British comic, Vertigo/Dc's comic, Hellblazer. John a punk-rock front man turned detective/demon hunter fights demonic forces as well as the crititisms of the ghosts of everyone he held dear. It started great enough with a balanced blend of horror and Btitish pop culture...then it got weird in crossover with Swamp thing as he need John to be a sperm donar...Despite that Hellblazer is a great choice of humour and horror.
So when ya make a film about an Englishman, hire an American actor t'play him!
So text at the films begining tells us abou' Da Spear of Destiny, Da McGuffin everyone is looking for. We start in Mexico in a burnt down chruch. A man finds da spear and listens to it. Mesmerized, Da man runs out to a open road. when he is run over by a car. However he survives.
Cut t'Los Angeles (SYMBOLISM!), A mother finds her daughter possessed. So after a priest fails to exorcise her. he calls in John Constantine(Reeves). Whose exorisin' method consists ov straddin' a teenage girl, burning her with a medalion and punching her. We cut t'John's drivah Chazz(played by Annoying Sidekick typecast Shia Labeof)John Traps the demon in a mirror and throws it out the window. John leaves but spies a picture of the spear by the girl.
Returning home, Constantine puts out his fag and lights a new one.I heard of chain-smokin' but this is ridicoulous.
We cut t'Rachael Weisz in comfession, she has just killed "another" man as her job as a cop. She also has a reaccuring dream that she is a mental patient that that kills herself. At the same time John wakes and voms blood.
It turns out that John has lung cancer but was saved 20 years ago. but continues to smoke.
(And the Darwin award goes to...)
It turns out that the dream that Angie(weisz) had was a premonition of her twin Isabella(also Weisz) commiting suicide from the roof of the same hospital John is in. Meanwhile the spear-holder literally jumps da border as its presences kills a whole field of CGI cows. Makin' these dyin' cows look realitik by komparsion!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r73_tUHjwmg
Johns to his Q, Leman that gives him his weapons. Buulets for his cruxifix shaped gun, holy water, A schreach-Beetle and a Dragon's breath flamethrower.
Cut to a chruch libary John and Angie meet but while Angie is arranging her sister's funeral, John has come to see Gabriel(twilda swindon). Da angel is not helpful speaking and acting more like a beareaucrat than as a confort.John has being hunting demons to get into Heaven but his cancer is terminal.
At her house, Angie gets prank calls on her phone. John gets attacked by a yoke completely made ov bugs. John goes t'Papa Midnight's, a bar fer magical creatures, t'use a Magical chair, while there he is confronted by da filliums bad guy- Belphazer, a Gay Steve Carrell lookalike....ooh scary!
Aftah sufferin' a coughin' spree, Angie tries t'hire John but he's such an ass that she walks away. But then a blackout summons demons but john uses his Dragon's breath to kill em.
Aftah investagating Isabella body da priest is cursed not be able t'drink causin' him t'go mad. He dies As Gay Not-Carrell looks on.
John exposistes on his life, how he sees things from an early age, How toppin' himself only made it worse, and how Angels and demons pull Humanites heart-strings.
Seachin' through Isabella's room they find a passage in the Satanic bible, speaking of da rise of Mammon, da divil's son. Naturally because in true Hellblazah fashion, a sidekick of constantine is killed for gettin' too close. and is eaten alive by incests.
Back to the Spear-holder, da Mexican steals a car
YAY RASCISM!
After Initating Angie in a ritual, She finds Belphezar's coin in Leman's office.
NOW IT'S ON!
Belphazer is beaten half t'death but tells john dat da blood ov christ on da spear will be used t'raise Mammon. Demonic forces take Angie. And John Returns t'Papa Midnight's t'use Da Chair.
Da Chair is an'Letric Chair used t'teleport John straight t'hell.Finding out dat da rebirth is at the hospital. Chazz bless the sprinkler water and john sets them off destroyin' da demons guards.
The spearbearer sends Angie to hell and mamon posseses her. but a failer exorcism instead impregnates her with Mammon. Chazz helps but is killed by gabriel who has turned on god as she thinks she can do his job better.
John summons da Divil who kills gabriel and mammon. but as soon as heswitches his souls with isabella to get to heaven. The divil's curses him with immortality. And the film ends wif John Givin' her the spear t'hide.
The real problem with this film is it's script One would be mistaken by some of it's wording that it is a sequel. It's not. It's just shitty writing despite its star power and legit scares, for its piss-pour script and lack of DVD EXTRAS IT GETS AN a-RATING
a fer awful.
Dis is John Jack da culchie saying
GET OFF MY LAND!
*GUNSHOT*
CREDITS
Constantine was written by, as Joe-Jack, compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham
With Footage and music
Crusha
Mysterious Ways by u2 couresty of Vevo
Hellblazer is property of Vertigo/DC Comics and Constantine is produced by Warner bros.
boggerbox office is not affliated with Crusha Drinks company.
Follow me at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
This months theme-"mysterious Ways" by U2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TxDTUMLQJI&ob=av2e
(THE STORY SO FAR...
THE TICKET TO HELL EVENT IS OVER AND DESPITE THE OUTCOME OF THE BATTLE, A CASULTY. 80'S LAD, BBO'S RESIDENT TALKING HEAD, IS MISSING.
-Hey Eamonn
-Yes?
-Y'remember dat dis use t'be my blog?
-Yes?
'ow come you keep reviewin' filliums?
-It's not my fault! The Film lined up are one i've seen, remember or in my social circle of video games, comics and pro wrestling, i can make jokes off. Jokes, As a culchie you never touched water unless its mixed with yeast and hops, Would never get.
-C'mon one review in a while won't kill ya!
-Fine, You can have June.
-Sound! Wot I doin'?
-You're doing Constantine, a film Based on a comicbook
-AH SHITE!
(Days later as he is writting the review.)
HELLO SOFT CHAPS AGED 16-30! WHO WANTZ FILLIUMS BASED ON KOMIKAL BUKES?
I Don't have tiome t'read komik bukes. O'mi too busy BEING A MAN!
-Joe-Jack, did you wantz Spaggetti Hups wif ya chips?
NO MAMMY! I WANTZ ALPHABETTI SPAGETTHI!
....Okay maybe i was wrong to say ye are all Soft boyz for reading komikal bukes, as a lot of filliums in the past 10+ years. But while the major heroes outing are major hits...Any filliums of Minor charecters have being that...minor, No Matter who you have actin' in it.
Dis month we are looking at Constantine. It's here Oi'm readin' from a note Eamonn gave me.
John Constantine is the hero of British comic, Vertigo/Dc's comic, Hellblazer. John a punk-rock front man turned detective/demon hunter fights demonic forces as well as the crititisms of the ghosts of everyone he held dear. It started great enough with a balanced blend of horror and Btitish pop culture...then it got weird in crossover with Swamp thing as he need John to be a sperm donar...Despite that Hellblazer is a great choice of humour and horror.
So when ya make a film about an Englishman, hire an American actor t'play him!
So text at the films begining tells us abou' Da Spear of Destiny, Da McGuffin everyone is looking for. We start in Mexico in a burnt down chruch. A man finds da spear and listens to it. Mesmerized, Da man runs out to a open road. when he is run over by a car. However he survives.
Cut t'Los Angeles (SYMBOLISM!), A mother finds her daughter possessed. So after a priest fails to exorcise her. he calls in John Constantine(Reeves). Whose exorisin' method consists ov straddin' a teenage girl, burning her with a medalion and punching her. We cut t'John's drivah Chazz(played by Annoying Sidekick typecast Shia Labeof)John Traps the demon in a mirror and throws it out the window. John leaves but spies a picture of the spear by the girl.
Returning home, Constantine puts out his fag and lights a new one.I heard of chain-smokin' but this is ridicoulous.
We cut t'Rachael Weisz in comfession, she has just killed "another" man as her job as a cop. She also has a reaccuring dream that she is a mental patient that that kills herself. At the same time John wakes and voms blood.
It turns out that John has lung cancer but was saved 20 years ago. but continues to smoke.
(And the Darwin award goes to...)
It turns out that the dream that Angie(weisz) had was a premonition of her twin Isabella(also Weisz) commiting suicide from the roof of the same hospital John is in. Meanwhile the spear-holder literally jumps da border as its presences kills a whole field of CGI cows. Makin' these dyin' cows look realitik by komparsion!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r73_tUHjwmg
Johns to his Q, Leman that gives him his weapons. Buulets for his cruxifix shaped gun, holy water, A schreach-Beetle and a Dragon's breath flamethrower.
Cut to a chruch libary John and Angie meet but while Angie is arranging her sister's funeral, John has come to see Gabriel(twilda swindon). Da angel is not helpful speaking and acting more like a beareaucrat than as a confort.John has being hunting demons to get into Heaven but his cancer is terminal.
At her house, Angie gets prank calls on her phone. John gets attacked by a yoke completely made ov bugs. John goes t'Papa Midnight's, a bar fer magical creatures, t'use a Magical chair, while there he is confronted by da filliums bad guy- Belphazer, a Gay Steve Carrell lookalike....ooh scary!
Aftah sufferin' a coughin' spree, Angie tries t'hire John but he's such an ass that she walks away. But then a blackout summons demons but john uses his Dragon's breath to kill em.
Aftah investagating Isabella body da priest is cursed not be able t'drink causin' him t'go mad. He dies As Gay Not-Carrell looks on.
John exposistes on his life, how he sees things from an early age, How toppin' himself only made it worse, and how Angels and demons pull Humanites heart-strings.
Seachin' through Isabella's room they find a passage in the Satanic bible, speaking of da rise of Mammon, da divil's son. Naturally because in true Hellblazah fashion, a sidekick of constantine is killed for gettin' too close. and is eaten alive by incests.
Back to the Spear-holder, da Mexican steals a car
YAY RASCISM!
After Initating Angie in a ritual, She finds Belphezar's coin in Leman's office.
NOW IT'S ON!
Belphazer is beaten half t'death but tells john dat da blood ov christ on da spear will be used t'raise Mammon. Demonic forces take Angie. And John Returns t'Papa Midnight's t'use Da Chair.
Da Chair is an'Letric Chair used t'teleport John straight t'hell.Finding out dat da rebirth is at the hospital. Chazz bless the sprinkler water and john sets them off destroyin' da demons guards.
The spearbearer sends Angie to hell and mamon posseses her. but a failer exorcism instead impregnates her with Mammon. Chazz helps but is killed by gabriel who has turned on god as she thinks she can do his job better.
John summons da Divil who kills gabriel and mammon. but as soon as heswitches his souls with isabella to get to heaven. The divil's curses him with immortality. And the film ends wif John Givin' her the spear t'hide.
The real problem with this film is it's script One would be mistaken by some of it's wording that it is a sequel. It's not. It's just shitty writing despite its star power and legit scares, for its piss-pour script and lack of DVD EXTRAS IT GETS AN a-RATING
a fer awful.
Dis is John Jack da culchie saying
GET OFF MY LAND!
*GUNSHOT*
CREDITS
Constantine was written by, as Joe-Jack, compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham
With Footage and music
Crusha
Mysterious Ways by u2 couresty of Vevo
Hellblazer is property of Vertigo/DC Comics and Constantine is produced by Warner bros.
boggerbox office is not affliated with Crusha Drinks company.
Follow me at http://www.youtube.com/user/ThePathofenlightment
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