CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST NOW: EPISODE 65-FINAL ROUND

Brace yourself, the entire world is about to change!

It's Evening after the events of Double Trouble, and Jeremie has scanned William in to the Supercomputer to make him immune to the returns to the past! William is eager to fight XANA, Maybe, a little too eager. Odd says that after he wins the school's skateboarding contest tomorrow, he will be there to deal damage, no matter how late he'll be.

Unfortunately, the next day every Lyoko Warrior except Aelita has some kind of obstruction caused by the b-characters. The Junior Reporters tail Jeremie all day, Ulrich's father has come to discipline his son, Yumi must babysit Hiroki and Sam Purposefully doesn't pass on Ulrich's message of an attack to Odd, all so she can spend time with her Boyfriend!

This leaves Aelita and William to go to Carthage alone, thankfully the direct travel program is a success. So It's a complete Untested Novice and The weakest fighter of the Group. Only good can come from this. Jeremie has arrived first so assumes mission control. We see William's Lyoko form and....MEH!

It's just a Jumpsuit, with no personality or hidden double meaning, granted the black line that does down to the waist and juts at 2 right angles before going down again, resembles a Karate Gi, but unlike the other's powers coming from their real-life skills we have never seen or has it been mentioned that William does Karate! And if he did, then it completely jars with the fact he is armed with a buster sword, though that will come later when I break down his character in season 4.

Each of our heroes ditch their respective annoyances, As William just cuts through Kreepers. The Sypcozoa attacks and despite Jeremie and Aelita's warnings about The near indestructible Jellyfish, it's all for nothing, William attacks it and it possesses the new hero, Who One Shots Aelita with his blade.

In the Heart of Carthage, 20 Kreepers and William blast the Core Data of Lyoko. As this happens Jeremie is running a program to Realize Franz Hopper. One by One, William kills his former friends and then stabs through the Code Sphere, Destroying Carthage and All in it, including himself.

So it has Happened. XANA has won again! Only this time the heroes can no longer bring the fight to him, what was worse is that no only is one of there own lost forever, But the very People they save on a day to day basis cost them a victory.

It Looks Bleak...But then Jeremie's computer get a message alert. Franz may not be here, but his consciousness is on the internet...and he can help!

With Just 13 Episodes Season 3 has the least episodes of the 4 seasons, So the pacing of the Destruction Of Lyoko Arc seems rushed. However that means we have less filler to deal with. And the end result is another loss but on that stings more, they have lost one of their own to the enemy.

As for Character Development,

Jim has the most Development of the minor characters, even if it's allusions to past careers he rather not talk about, usually jobs that where military and he was sworn to secrecy, or jobs that were embarrassing like the musical that Odd was blackmailing him over! Also in a season where Yumi reject both Her suitors, I'm shocked Sissi has not being featured as much

With the least Development is Ulrich, who reaction to Yumi's announcement fills him with so much spite, he thinks leading on a freshman admirer is a good idea. And while Ulrich is doing bad at school, thanks to XANA, When his father calls his son's friends "Punks", he defends them. showing that he can still be the earnest boy he was in season 1

Odd is still the fun-loving, idiotic Stomach-on-legs with Plot Convenient Powers. Only Now Sam is interested in Odd, making the Playground Playboy a one woman man, But Odd has no real arc as he is still the comic relief character.

Despite being the chew toy for XANA Since Season 2, Yumi is more prominent in the Story this Season, She want only to be friends with Ulrich and William, since she knows how important the Mission is, and that dating one will hurt the other. She has final say over recruiting William, which given his declarations of love was now edging into stalking her, she was reluctant to do.

As the Only Couple in The Warriors, Jeremie and Aelita's development are entwined together. Jeremie has a Out-Of-Character Moment when he hurt Aelita's Feelings over her insistence that here father was still alive. While Aelita's Intuition was correct, Jeremie forgot that Aelita has being regaining her humanity by day, so her wanting to mourn her father, Evil as he was, he didn't Understand. Aelita this season gains Combative powers, Energy Blasts, as she is still unarmed. Becuase of Xana's plan to destroy Lyoko requires control over Aelita, Jeremie every loss and Every forced Return to the past personally. In the End, XANA becoming Jeremie's clone is what Cost the Team Lyoko and William.

So Of Course William the Green Ranger to the rest of the warriors get the mosr development, we learn Willaim is Canadian, and his families business is construction! But his reasons for helping and being recruited to the Warriors is strictly Yumi, and because of this, his Grandstanding and Confidence was his own Downfall as he Spends his time between Season 3 and 4 to become XANA'S Champion!

Despite Still knowing enough knowledge of Human Culture to take out more than Odd, Xana is now smart enough to disguise himself as a human, his speech as a clone is less stinted and more emotional than it was in Ghost Channel. His plans are more likely to succeed since he now puts the heroes in unwinnable situations that would either kill or threaten their secrecy, forcing Jeremie to launch a return to the past, to make XANA Stronger!

So That is season 3 done!
Season 4 Starts in January. I know, that seems far away for some, but the time for the rest of the years reviews are so tight, I can't fit anymore!

Join Me next week when Normal Service resume When i Review My Super Ex Girlfriend!

CREDITS
Code Lyoko is property of Moonscoop, all rights reserved.

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW! NINTENDODD SIXTY! FOUUUUURRRRR!!1!! (BUT FIRST 63!)

It's the penultimate episode before Next Mondays review of the season 3 finale, So let's soften the blow with Filler?

Episode 63, Triple Trouble, Shows Odd having a bad day at the office. His Arrows keep Missing, and it's making Odd Angry he doesn't have Cool Powers!
AHEM! I PRESENT AGAIN EVIDENCE A-Odd swimming in Digital water that kills everyone else!
 

So Odd Sulks all day about the fact Jeremie removed his Future Flash Ability to  Sometimes see five minutes into the Future to program the more Pragmatic Shield. So Jeremie Devises a New program for new powers and needs a guinea pi...WE'VE DONE THIS BEFORE! I FEEL LIKE WE DONE THIS BEFORE...YOU KNOW LIKE....LAST EPISODE! And just like that the powers fail and the power to teleport makes 2 more clones of Odd!

So the Plan Back on Reality is to keep 2 Odds in the factory and or dorms hits a snag when all 3 walking stomachs get hungry. Leaving one not getting any lunch this leads to an argument and 2 clones running off, one clone remaining to be caught by Jim after all 3 try and skip class.

During Class, XANA Attacks by becoming a smoke that Petrifies Human Flesh!
OKAY YOU KNOW IT'S COMING!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao_gQpFqn84

This Includes the Odd caught by Jim, Jeramie Tells the others That if all 3 odds are not virtualized on Lyoko to reunite, their dna will become unstable and they will die!

After a Mexican standoff on narrow Bridge, Xana attacks the factory to petrify Jeremie, However Odd is back in rare form and demolishes the Megatanks, allowing Aeltia to deactivate the red tower before Jeremie is harmed, who launches a return to the past to save Jim and the others.

Episode 64 Double Trouble Sets Up Next weeks Finale, Being Run Ragged by XANA all term has not done favours for the team, Ulrich needs to pass Physics and Yumi must attend classes or fave expulsion. It's not done Jeremie good either, as working all night has messed with his sleep, so when he falls asleep at his station, the last person he expected to see first is....Himself?

We Cut to Jeremie Trying to get the team to the factory, but they all need to attend classes....We see the REAL! Jeremie Emerging from the riverbank after XANA/JEREMIE tried to drown him. Odd trying to copy Jeremie's answers gives XANA opportunity to take out Odd. So when Jeremie warns odd from the Factory, it's too late. Odd is knocked out with lightning!

Meanwhile In Yumi's Photography Class, William much like Jim in Season one, is experiencing Deja Vu, except his is coming out in his dreams. Yumi gets a call and William Covers up her escape.

Not knowing they are heading into a trap, When XANA/JEREMIE regains Control after blindsiding Jeremie, Odd and Yumi's avatars are bugged with glitches, Despite the fight in the real world as soon as Ulrich finishes his test, It doesn't matter. The distraction, the bugs and Aelita being giving the Code XANA Virus by the Sycphozoa, thus destroying the Mountain zone the 4th and final zone, Means XANA has won.

That is if the Supercalulator Didn't just finish computating a Direct Teleport Program to Carthage

But the Program cannot be tested. This is the Lyoko Warriors one and only shot. And with that Yumi decides to agree with the others and let William Join their ranks!

So Next week we end July, and season 3 with THE FINALE, EPISODE 65, FINAL ROUND!
And once this is over, nothing will ever be the same!

CREDITS
Code lyoko is property of Moonscoop
Superman: at Earth's End is property of DC comics
And the review of said can be watched on Atopthefourthwall.com
Follow me on Twitter @RealEnli

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST NOW!: EPISODES 61-62: FBI BE KNOCKING ON MY DOOR, ANY MINUTE NOW!

We start with Sabotage, and even though I'm watching Season 3-4 for the first time, I know of this episode, for One Really Dark Reason!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQEX4wvw_Os


Shame Because this episode drives the destruction of Lyoko plot along and all anyone remembers is....THAT!

The Warriors Encounter Glitches on Lyoko that hinder their performance, so Jeremie Checks the Security Cameras. Sure Enough, The Super Calculators Hard-drives have being Damaged by a XANA-Possessed Mick O'Reilly, The Gardener of Kadic, Aelita and Jeremie are going to fix and hopefully replace the Panels of the super-calculator...if not for  Room Inspection week, where Jeremie Fails is punished by Jim to clean the room til it passes Inspection!

With Aelita Alone In the Factory, the Boys are Attacked By XANA possessed Vines. Jeremie Calls Yumi calls Yumi who uses a nearby rake to free Ulrich, However freeing him only leads to...well you saw the video!

The Glitch continues as Ulrich can't harm anything on the Ice Sector. Meanwhile on Earth, Jeremie Notices as the Vines suffer the same glitch, Phasing in and out of reality. When they spot the glitch again they simply break free. Then others form a calvary as they arrive on Lyoko, However there is a problem, As of right now they is not enough Memory on file to support all the data they gathered and 2 sectors of Lyoko. They must do XANA'S Dirty Work for him...and destroy the ice zone themselves! and so this episode ends with the ice zone erased.

No-one In Particular drives it home as everytime a zone is destroyed, an updated map appears on the title screen and this time a single plain sticks out of Carthage!

It's the week of Student Evaluation and a String of Lacklustre Test results means Ulrich is in Peril of being put in Remedial Classes, meaning all future missions will be a man down. Jeremie has developed a Protoype System for Direct Travel to Sector 5, but her needs a guinea pig, Naturally a game of short straws means the character in focus, Ulrich has more on his place!

During the Trail, Naturally Something goes wrong, and Ulrich's avatar body disappears from Lyoko while his data has nothing to latch too. For all intensive purposes, Ulrich is a ghost. Invisible and intangible, except to Animals, as Kiwi starts barking at him. To get The gang's attention he tries to pet Kiwi, but instead Possesses The Bull Terrier to speak through him. Ulrich has the idea to possess Jim to speak on his side, However remember the episode were Odd ran against Jeremie to become class President? well because of that he has to attend all affairs that effect his class, this means the mission to the only zone left the ice zone is a 2 women job because Ulrich's body has being found....but it's moving! Possessed by XANA,  It uses Ulrich's powers and some of his own to destroy the Code sphere data of Lyoko!

Back at KADIC Academy, Ulrich is a hard Sell on Mrs Hertz, it almost seems like Hertz hates him for an unknown reason! Ulrich then remembers Hertz asking "Jim" for tango lessons (one of the many past jobs that Jim, "would rather not talk about!"I'm sure!) as leverage to get Ulrich out of Grinds!

Meanwhile on Lyoko, the Girls destroy XANA/ULRICH thus Returning his Body to the scanner, where ulrich regains his physical form. And so our review ends with Mrs Hertz asking Jim about her tango lessons and Jim not remembering but not before implying Mrs Hertz is a stoner in a joke that went over kids heads ("Suzanne, You should lay off the HERBAL Tea, IT GOES STRAIGHT TO YOUR HEAD") And Jim getting a kick to the balls because of it!

KID'S SHOW!

So i just remembered that episode 65 is the season 3 finale, so next Monday's episode will be the Penultimate Review. If you like what i do follow me on twitter @realenli. BUT UNTIL THEN KEEP CIRCULATING THE TAPES, WHEN WE RETURN TO THE PAST

NOW!

CREDITS
Code Lyoko is property of Moonscoop
Jontron's review of Goosebumps is property of his youtube channel
All rights reserved, all media used belong to their respective owners!

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST NOW! EPISODES 59-60: SOFTWARE AND TEAR!

To Recap since January: We are now in the 3rd  Season of Code Lyoko, and the fight against the digital Terrorist XANA is now an uphill one. To prevent The warriors from entering his own home sector of Carthage, XANA Is doing the impossible, Forcing our heroes to erase a sector one at a time, since direct travel to our world to Carthage is impossible. So Far it's now good for our heroes, a combination of strategic planning, and emotional manipulation, means the Desert and Forest sectors are no more! and Frequent Returns to the past, to cover up exposure only makes XANA Stronger!

And now to this month's Code Lyoko reviews! Happy Bastille Day Everyone!

Our First Episode "Secrets" Begins With Yumi Being Awakened at 10:30pm by a phone call by Jeremie. When she sneaks Out, She Bumps into William, making his way home from the Cinema. William Starts Flirting with Yumi and won't let her pass. When she Outsmarts him, the Mission is over and everyone is back in Reality.

Annoyed By the Distraction, Yumi Tells "The Wannabe Classroom Casanova" as she calls him, that she is sick of his affection. William who by the way was expelled by graffiti-ing his old school the name of a girl he fancied, is such a "Nice Guy" Shouts at Yumi and Jim, Earning Him Detention Away from Swimming class.

Xana Attacks the Ice Sector During class, Ulrich and Odd skip class. and after Learning that Being Genius Means any Slump warrants Attention, Aelita and Jeremie Give a Lecture about WWI, Like Emeniem Singing Rap God! Jeremie's Dizzying Speed Earns everyone a trip to the Nurse's office, possibly for Whiplash! An Angry William Follows Ulrich and Odd to the Factory, Not Noticing The Suspicious Man in overalls who he walked past!

This Man is an Electrician Demolition Expert. Since the Factory is Abandoned, Noone will rescue the children. William cant Catch the boys Skateboards on foot so he just Ambushes the Genius Couple instead!

With Yumi Unreachable, William Goes to the pool, Blurts about XANA, and cause a scene, Yumi who was doing synchronized swimming in that fanservicey Leotard-like Swimsuit nearly drowns from the shock, this convinces Jim after Yumi brings it up to sent him back to school

As this is Going on, the Possessed Demotion Man has planted Dynamite and set his charge at 10 minutes, Just as  William and Yumi arrive and attack him, Ulrich joins the fight when his Avatar is destroyed on Lyoko. After knocking him out William tells Ulrich and Yumi the bad news that he is a demolitions expert. With Odd destroyed whilst Aelita made it to the tower and back on Earth. Aelita walks in to a ambush by the Sypcozoa and Infected by the Code:XANA Virus again. Yumi is sent to Lyoko, While the boys search for the Detonator.

William Uncle was actually a Contract Builder in Canada and once taught William how to Defuse a bomb...the key Word being Once! As this is going On, Yumi and Aelita Engage in a superpower shootout, Both Die but at least Aelita is free of Xana's control. William Defuses with Ulrich's belt buckle. Jeremie Wants to launch a return to the past, instead Odd wants William to join the Warriors. Jeremie Agrees but the vote must be Unanimous

The final vote was 4-1

With William Accusing Ulrich of being Jealous since both Were chasing Yumi, William is not happy, Odd vouches that William wont tell anyone about Lyoko, That's when Ulrich reveals he Didn't vote No!

We cut Yumi Looking out her Window seeing William creeping outside her house. She says that she's sorry but He can't be trusted!

We End Our Double Bill with Episode 60-We are officially over the half way mark-Temporary Insanity, After being Blasted by a double laser by a Pair of Mantas, Odd and Ulrich Return to Earth. Seemingly Normal...That is Until Drama Class When the Boys Believe to be Back on Lyoko and they attack all the Teachers and students, under the delusion that they are Monsters. They are subdued and sent to the Hospital. namely to the Psych Ward.

Naturally, and maybe due to The Code: XANA virus, Jeremie has invented an anti-virus for this situation, they is only one Problem, the boys have to be on Lyoko in a tower to activate it. The Boys are broken out of Hospital but Ulrich attacking a police car Makes the news!

On Lyoko The boys think the virtual world is the Academy, so Aelita must take control, We learn that Aelita can use 2 Energy Blasts at once and use Creativity More than once. Meanwhile in Carthage, Yumi is trying to stop Xana's Most Powerful Monsters from Destroying the Core Data of Lyoko, and even though the Boys are cured the final seal on the core data is destroyed, if it's attacked again, All of Lyoko is gone forever. To Avoid the Media Storm Ulrich Created, The Return to The Past is Activated, Possibly making XANA powerful enough to do just that!

...in the next Episode!

Join me next monday for Sabotage and No-one in Particular, when we Return to the past....
NOW!

CREDITS
Code Lyoko is property of MoonScoop.
All rights Reserved!

Ticket to hell: space Bimbos in space: Valerian the finale-REMASTERED!

We start part 4 with a representation of the flow of this film, a Cascade of garbage falling into a sewer! Valerian an Laureline are arguing again, but are interrupted by coughing, Bubble is dying, she turns into Nefertiti, tells Valerian to save the Mulians, turns to Ash and dies.

So if you were keeping score, Rihanna has being on screen for 5 minutes! 2 in a musical scene, 3 minutes as a voice, and somehow, got more publicity when this film was in the trailer stage of production!

MONEY WELL SPENT(!)

Given that the heroes have being lied to by commander Phillips one man Genocide of the Mulians, except he THOUGHT! the planet was uninhabited and the file classified to save face. The fact the planet had creatures that shit fuel that could power Alpha for a decade? A HAPPY ACCIDENT! I mean, if the empire knew about the converters, then of course they would have invaded!

So In the end, even the villians are idiots!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc

This revelation triggers Clive Owens' Over Acting to constipate for the leads underacting! Blah blah blah For the Empire, blah blah blah DEY TUK R JOOOOOOOBS! BLAH BLAH BLAH WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY, when either the emperor or empress speaks (It's confusing since DelaBrokenSpellcheck voices both) forgives Phillips, all they wanted was the Convertor so they can leave! But Phillips goes full Space Nazi by asking " How Dare IT Pity Me?" Causing Laureline to Knock Phillips the fuck out ! Valerian refuses to give Tiger to the Mulians out of Naive loyalty to Earth, but Laureline tells him that she won't marry him because he has trust issues, and that is the first step towards True love!

Or some bullshit!
If this was delivered by a better actress to a person that didn't look like one of the Autons From Doctor Who, I would care!

Dale DeHaan

Auton from Doctor Who!

So Tiger eats a pearl whilst Bathing in Magic Water, making him poop so many pearls that shatter and terraforms a 20th century Chinese Satellite into a second Mule. The empress uses her Psychic powers to remove Liho's Soul from Valerian. However despite copping on the gas was a lie, the earth army still think the Mulians are the enemy, but using a pods communication relay that wasn't turned to sand, (how convenient!) Laureline slaps Around Phillips til he confesses.

But since Phillips has his own Private Robot Guard, they Slaughter Human and Mulian alike, Valerian requests rescue from Alex, whilst Laureline Beats the piss out of the commander, the Mulians escape by turning their planet and themselves into a LGBT flag cloud, The commander arrested and Laureline changes her opinion on Valerian's marriage proposal...to thinking about it!

This Film is an Expensive Prostitute....it looks pretty, but in the the end it costs too much and it still sucks!

Like I said Luc Besson has a tendency to cast beautiful people, regardless of talent and well, Dela-whatever is no ScaJo...and DeHaan is no actor, full stop!

You thought DeLazyEye had to be carried in Sui-SHITE Squad, Then Dehaan is a complete backbreaker! Granted it's his first starting role, but it's a starting role in a sci-fi film. We are supposed to seeing this new world in the heroes eyes, to feel what he feels, But his rushed dialogue, Echoing Monotone, and lack of emotion is rife, every experience, from betrayal, to injury, to wonder, even getting a lap dance from FREAKING RIHANNA! every experience is met with the same look of....

Speaking of Rihanna's involvement in this movie did everyone else dirty, she was promoted heavily, her scene was the review scene for tv broadcast, as well as the ad campaign. Her entire screen time? Five Minutes! 3 of that 5 was as a voice! And she died after her scene!

Valerian and Laureline are idiots, despite at this juncture since this is not an origin story, they should not be, Valerian is a Major, Laureline a Sargent, they should not this dumb, if it was a an Origin Story, if Laureline was fresh off the time machine from the Middle Ages, then I wouldn't have issues, but the source mythos Of these characters that most English speaking cinema goers never heard of! Still I would have liked the banter between the leads to extended "CMON BABY, LEMME SMASH DAT!"

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE

As of right now, my local Internet Cafe has reopened, so this combined with the fact that this review is 4 parts long (without the storyline elements!) means i won't have time time to draft the next review! My Super Ex Girlfriend will now be September's review. Good News is that when i do return with new content, It'll be July. Bastille Day. All things French Celebrated. And you know what that means!

4 NEW EPISODES OF CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST NOW!

CREDITS 
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was reviewed, compiled and edited on a later date by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from
In Part 1
Valerian City of a thousand Planets
In Part 2
Valerian
JonTron
In Part 3
Valerian...
Persona 5
Code Lyoko
Linkara and Phelous Review the Airzone Solution
Wonder Showzen
and in Part 4:
Valerian.....
Fairly Odd Parents
Doctor Who!
MST3K
With Music "Combine Harvester" by The Wurzels
The Film was Produced by EuropaCorp.
( AND NOW THE CONTINUATION OF SABATAGUE BY SLEEP!)

(Meanwhile....Eamonn woke as a gentle Breeze and Harsh sunlight touched his face, The Warmth and the Breeze Felt Worlds Apart from the Cold Void of Space...that he...just died....(NO THAT WAS A DREAM....A NIGHTMARE!....THEN WHY DID FEEL COLD TIL NOW...?) His eyes Adjusted to the surroundings he was in a open structure like a Roman Villa. He was lying on a Four Poster Bed, Art hung on walls and houseplants fragranted the Room from the large open windows. He was not alone. A tall, Athletically-built woman, wearing a negligee lay next to him, looking at him expectantly.
-(Yawn!) oh...er good Morning?
-Good Morning, Dear...Sleep well?
(Eamonn stared at the this Strange woman, until something in the back of his mind forced itself to the fore-The Name of this Woman and who she was to him)
-Yeah....Morning Sabaru, I guess i had another nightmare
-The space nightmare again?
-Yeah about Earth being Destroyed! How i couldn't save my friends, my race...
Luckily i was glad I meet you Maras and you rescued me, nursed me back to health, you Especially Sabby...and with your kind biologically identical to humans...when I ask to marry You and you said you were pregnant....it was like a dream....me the last human Champion....you...the last female Mara....
-Please! It was more like one of those cheesy Re-population Erotic stories you'll read online!
-(Eamonn Rolled Over and pinned The Woman as she laughed) well then less act out a few scenes! Wait! The Kids! Where ARE THEY?
"-OH MY GOD! I TOTALLY....Dressed and feed them and sent to to school without waking you up!"she joked
Very funny, now if you don't mind i need to freshen up!

(Eamonn rose and went to the bathroom. He approached the Mirror and started to brush his teeth, Not knowing he was being observed In a 2-way mirror! He was in fact in a globe-like structure, with other creatures and other humans going through the same morning routine! A Drone resembling A spider with a camcorder for a thorax used Celluloid wedding to navigate to a mass of Wires spiraling down to a throne)

MISTRESS....ALL SIGNEES ARE ALERT AND ALL CONTRACTS ARE IRON-CLAD!

( The Female Figure rose and as she did, some connecting wires freed her from her place, she wore a red Split Leg Dress made from a light Metal-like Polymer, Her Pink Chromed Skin shining in contrast to the gold in her Knee Shoulders, Elbows, Fingers and Toes, She walked over the Mirror where Eamonn was washing himself. Her Pink face hiding a blush, Her Gold Lips pursing at the sight, her long Wire "hair" dragging like coat-tails at her "Prize Prospect")

"GOOD" Replied Sabaru
"THIS NEW SEASON IS GOING TO BE EXPLOSIVE"

TO BE CONTINUED....

SABOTAGE BY SLEEP WILL CONTINUE IN AUGUST!

Ticket to hell: space Bimbos in space: Valerian part 3-REMASTERED!

To the surprise of No-one, Commander Phillips is Evil, and is torturing a Lohrian that His Slaveship captured from the beginning for information

Turns out Valerian isn't a complete idiot and refused to let Laureline give Tiger over to him.

At the same time, because Val gets so huffy that he can't smash women, even if he asks nicely, he pulls rank on her and makes her guard the corridor, this is when she gets accosted by creatures called the Duro-Dagi, long nosed rat pigeons that value money and information over all...and if the long noses didn't cop you on that this is a Jewish stereotype the fact that they sound like Jeff Goldblum on Helium is why they were referred to as "Space-Jews"

Anyway, the Duro-Dagi are so knowledgeable, yet so greedy and abhorrent, that bribing them for gossip is how they function! So they tell Laureline that the single human empire Liaison to Planet Mule Died in a "Bullet Related Accident!"

That is when the Lohrians (ok at this point in the film, it's revealed that they are called "Pearls"...WHICH IS CONFUSING BECAUSE THE MACGUFFIN IN THE PLOT OF THIS FILM IS ACTUAL PEARLS...So, I have decided to call them Mulians, after their planet, despite the planet being called Lohr and they change it a scene later!) Attack with guns that shoot spider webs. Carrying away the commander, who they thought had Tiger on him.

A Chase scene happens but the Mulians get away...because even in the 26th century...maps can still be held upside down!

The Alex picks up Valerian and for a species who fight with Spears, Mulian Ships are advanced, so advanced that whilst given Chase, the Alex Crashes, and Valerian is propelled into the Slums of West Alpha, and while Alex can still be spoken to, he can't return

Laureline wants to rescue Valerian, but she is ordered not to, she points out that the so-called enemy used non violent weapons, and they are from a destroyed planet whose last liaison was possibly murdered to keep quiet, which means the Empire has lied to everyone this outburst makes the garrison arrest her, but since it seems men have devolved into not take women seriously, they get their asses kicked! She escapes with the Duro-Dagi who tell her how to track Mulian Brainwaves, she needs a cortex jellyfish, which can be fished in the North Alpha Sea by submarine, the Jellyfish,  when worn, can track Psychics, but can only be farmed off the heads off sea monsters! Wait...

The Real-Life Supermodel who just happens to be Real-Life Lesbian has to wear a Live Jellyfish?

Monsieur Besson....

After wearing the Jellyfish, she doesn't find a Mulian Mind, she finds Valerian's in a Deactivated powercore, however the Duro-Dagi sell info on Laureline's whereabouts back to the army!

Oy Vey! Dem Wacky Space-Jews!

Valerian is found conscious in a mine shaft, and when Laureline rescues him, all she gets is a kiss on the cheek. This sets off Laureline on a tirade on how the other soldiers don't take her seriously enough, but it boils down to :

Laureline: you treat me like shit!
Valerian: ....and you love it, Baby!

Meanwhile General Odarabah has found the Mulian that Phillips was torturing. Turns out if a Mulian is close to death, it can just combust into energy!

In case you can't tell, instead of giving English audiences who didn't grow up on this comic an origin story, the only way they can push this story along is by passing the Idiot Ball to each other, .meaning it's now Laureline's turn to be rescued, so watch as she goes from competent Badass, into "OOOH, LOOK AT THE PRETTY BUTTERFLY!" In a hot minute!

"DUH... LOOK AT THE 2 BUTTERFLIES, VAL, DIS ONE AND THE OTHER ONE I'M STARING AT, 10 MILES IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

Said Butterfly is used as bait by the Bulongar, a race of cannibals who literally use butterflies on fishing rods.

Fat, Black, Cannibals wearing loinclothes who do a nut when a white woman will present herself to him okay....you asked for this!

By now, you are screaming the same thing I did watching this scene
"YOU ARE A COP! THEY ARE CANNIBALS! ARREST THEM!"

And while you might be right, being a cannibal is a lifestyle choice and arresting them will cause a diplomatic incident, but Alex suggests Deputizing a Glamourpod- a shape shifter- to sneak in. Luckily, Valerian is close to Paradise Alley, a red light district.

Turns out a date worse than death is waiting Laureline-she is to entertain so she is forced into a wedding dress to work in the Red Light District, Laureline just goes along with it

(DEEP BREATH!)
YOU.
ARE.
A
COP.
WITH.
A.
GUN!
SHOOT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!
actually you have something better, you have Tiger, who can shit bombs!
ACTUAL! FUCKING! BOMBS!

So Val goes to the strip club to recruit a shape shifter to pose as a Bulongar. Said shapeshiter is revealed to be Rihanna, who starts her floorshow

2 WASTED MINUTES LATER!
While that doesn't seem like much, every second counts in an action film. And we have reached Peak Levels of Luke Besson, wasting the special effects budget to put Rihanna in 20 Fetish Costumes in 2 minutes!

After the show, Valerian tries to recruit the Glamourpod, but she tries to turn tricks by turning into Laureline, Valerian whips out his gun in the strip club (PAUSE!) He shoots a stun blast at the club owner, but the shapeshifter tries to save herself by turning into Val's boss and Valerian aged 10 (Who the stupid idiot doesn't even Recognize!)

So Valerian gets Bubble (Rihanna) onside as Glamourpod are kidnapped for their abilities at a young age (by human standards Bubble is only 4!)  So Glamourpods are mostly Liquid, with means they can share there powers by covering a human, so they sneak into a second club to save Laureline from cannibals and it's now Dinner time!

So the Cannibals all line up with offerings of meat dishes to quell the hunger of Emporor Bulan the 3rd, and nothing works until Laureline comes out holding lemons and a wearing a juicer on her head. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScdkcM98czU

The lemons are not the offering, they are the garnish and Laureline just let's the cannibal pour lemon juice on her head and then the penny drops! Val kills the emperor and after fighting 20 tribesmen and the two heroes and Bubble escape into the sewers.

We are nearly finished! Brace yourself next week for part 4 only on Bogger box office!

AND NOW.....CHAPTER ONE OF THE NEW STORYLINE!: SABOTAGE BY SLEEP!

It had being an entire year since the events of  Heavenscar, the fight between Eamonn and Eighties Lad, both possessed by the Cosmic Entity of Rage, Until Oracle Of Earth 3 became her world's Champion, The defeat of Rage caused a universal reset, everyone returned to their worlds of Origin. But as Eamonn was floating in the void he created, bleeding out his now severed arm. It caught the attention of...Something
Something as Ancient as The Cosmic Entities.
......as Powerful
.....as Manipulative
......As Deadly!

(Cut to Present Day and if you thought you had a bad Day, Consider Your Earth Being crush by a Meteorite, and no longer having Technology or Magic to Deal with it!

Y'Know Dis iz a Suicide Misson, RITE?
-Yes I Know
An' Your Arm gru bac in da Reset, we aven't Teschted out ow strong ya r....
-Yes I Know!
N da Train to Hell, we Know it can Fly but what if ya Burn up in the Asmosphere?
-JOE-JACK! I Know! Look it seem bad....ok it is bad! But the Last few months have made me realize that i am not a leader of people, and if i save the world in secret once more everytime, that I could live with that...for everyone who is not here!
-AH KNOWS DAT! I JUS' WANNA HEAR YOU SAY DAT? COS I CAN'T SUEDE YA OTHERWISE! ALL I CAN DO IZ WISH YA GUD LUCK!
 (Eamonn set the co-ordinates for the meteorite that was heading this way. And it was Huge! Despite Powered by Magic and Anger, the Train to Hell does not have weaponry. Eamonn's Plan was to ram it repeatedly and then proceed with one of 2 plans.

a: If the Metorite fragmentated, most pieces would burn up in the atmosphere.

or b: if it was stronger than it looked then pushing into out of Earth's pull.

In the End, Plan b was used, and try as our hero might, the plan failed, the train to Hell Mangled in Unearthly Alloys and Prehistoric Ice, as the mighty collision happened, Earth one's Champion was propelled once more in the vacuum of Space!

Gasping for air, feeling helpless, Eamonn Knew one thing, that unlike Any other Human His Death would not be long and painful.

and That Saddened him.

His frozen Body touched something, he could not feel anything, so he did not register the giant hand out of a Wormhole that now held his corpse like one would hold a gentle butterfly!

ACQUISITION REQUIRED! BEGINNING BRAND EXTENSION OF TERRAN HOME-WORLD P3-R1: EARTH!