We start part 4 with a representation of the flow of this film, a Cascade of garbage falling into a sewer! Valerian an Laureline are arguing again, but are interrupted by coughing, Bubble is dying, she turns into Nefertiti, tells Valerian to save the Mulians, turns to Ash and dies.
So if you were keeping score, Rihanna has being on screen for 5 minutes! 2 in a musical scene, 3 minutes as a voice, and somehow, got more publicity when this film was in the trailer stage of production!
MONEY WELL SPENT(!)
Given that the heroes have being lied to by commander Phillips one man Genocide of the Mulians, except he THOUGHT! the planet was uninhabited and the file classified to save face. The fact the planet had creatures that shit fuel that could power Alpha for a decade? A HAPPY ACCIDENT! I mean, if the empire knew about the converters, then of course they would have invaded!
So In the end, even the villians are idiots!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc
This revelation triggers Clive Owens' Over Acting to constipate for the leads underacting! Blah blah blah For the Empire, blah blah blah DEY TUK R JOOOOOOOBS! BLAH BLAH BLAH WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY, when either the emperor or empress speaks (It's confusing since DelaBrokenSpellcheck voices both) forgives Phillips, all they wanted was the Convertor so they can leave! But Phillips goes full Space Nazi by asking " How Dare IT Pity Me?" Causing Laureline to Knock Phillips the fuck out ! Valerian refuses to give Tiger to the Mulians out of Naive loyalty to Earth, but Laureline tells him that she won't marry him because he has trust issues, and that is the first step towards True love!
Or some bullshit!
If this was delivered by a better actress to a person that didn't look like one of the Autons From Doctor Who, I would care!
So Tiger eats a pearl whilst Bathing in Magic Water, making him poop so many pearls that shatter and terraforms a 20th century Chinese Satellite into a second Mule. The empress uses her Psychic powers to remove Liho's Soul from Valerian. However despite copping on the gas was a lie, the earth army still think the Mulians are the enemy, but using a pods communication relay that wasn't turned to sand, (how convenient!) Laureline slaps Around Phillips til he confesses.
But since Phillips has his own Private Robot Guard, they Slaughter Human and Mulian alike, Valerian requests rescue from Alex, whilst Laureline Beats the piss out of the commander, the Mulians escape by turning their planet and themselves into a LGBT flag cloud, The commander arrested and Laureline changes her opinion on Valerian's marriage proposal...to thinking about it!
This Film is an Expensive Prostitute....it looks pretty, but in the the end it costs too much and it still sucks!
Like I said Luc Besson has a tendency to cast beautiful people, regardless of talent and well, Dela-whatever is no ScaJo...and DeHaan is no actor, full stop!
You thought DeLazyEye had to be carried in Sui-SHITE Squad, Then Dehaan is a complete backbreaker! Granted it's his first starting role, but it's a starting role in a sci-fi film. We are supposed to seeing this new world in the heroes eyes, to feel what he feels, But his rushed dialogue, Echoing Monotone, and lack of emotion is rife, every experience, from betrayal, to injury, to wonder, even getting a lap dance from FREAKING RIHANNA! every experience is met with the same look of....
Speaking of Rihanna's involvement in this movie did everyone else dirty, she was promoted heavily, her scene was the review scene for tv broadcast, as well as the ad campaign. Her entire screen time? Five Minutes! 3 of that 5 was as a voice! And she died after her scene!
Valerian and Laureline are idiots, despite at this juncture since this is not an origin story, they should not be, Valerian is a Major, Laureline a Sargent, they should not this dumb, if it was a an Origin Story, if Laureline was fresh off the time machine from the Middle Ages, then I wouldn't have issues, but the source mythos Of these characters that most English speaking cinema goers never heard of! Still I would have liked the banter between the leads to extended "CMON BABY, LEMME SMASH DAT!"
NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE
As of right now, my local Internet Cafe has reopened, so this combined with the fact that this review is 4 parts long (without the storyline elements!) means i won't have time time to draft the next review! My Super Ex Girlfriend will now be September's review. Good News is that when i do return with new content, It'll be July. Bastille Day. All things French Celebrated. And you know what that means!
4 NEW EPISODES OF CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST NOW!
CREDITS
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was reviewed, compiled and edited on a later date by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from
In Part 1
Valerian City of a thousand Planets
In Part 2
Valerian
JonTron
In Part 3
Valerian...
Persona 5
Code Lyoko
Linkara and Phelous Review the Airzone Solution
Wonder Showzen
and in Part 4:
Valerian.....
Fairly Odd Parents
Doctor Who!
MST3K
With Music "Combine Harvester" by The Wurzels
The Film was Produced by EuropaCorp.
( AND NOW THE CONTINUATION OF SABATAGUE BY SLEEP!)
(Meanwhile....Eamonn woke as a gentle Breeze and Harsh sunlight touched his face, The Warmth and the Breeze Felt Worlds Apart from the Cold Void of Space...that he...just died....(NO THAT WAS A DREAM....A NIGHTMARE!....THEN WHY DID FEEL COLD TIL NOW...?) His eyes Adjusted to the surroundings he was in a open structure like a Roman Villa. He was lying on a Four Poster Bed, Art hung on walls and houseplants fragranted the Room from the large open windows. He was not alone. A tall, Athletically-built woman, wearing a negligee lay next to him, looking at him expectantly.
-(Yawn!) oh...er good Morning?
-Good Morning, Dear...Sleep well?
(Eamonn stared at the this Strange woman, until something in the back of his mind forced itself to the fore-The Name of this Woman and who she was to him)
-Yeah....Morning Sabaru, I guess i had another nightmare
-The space nightmare again?
-Yeah about Earth being Destroyed! How i couldn't save my friends, my race...
Luckily i was glad I meet you Maras and you rescued me, nursed me back to health, you Especially Sabby...and with your kind biologically identical to humans...when I ask to marry You and you said you were pregnant....it was like a dream....me the last human Champion....you...the last female Mara....
-Please! It was more like one of those cheesy Re-population Erotic stories you'll read online!
-(Eamonn Rolled Over and pinned The Woman as she laughed) well then less act out a few scenes! Wait! The Kids! Where ARE THEY?
"-OH MY GOD! I TOTALLY....Dressed and feed them and sent to to school without waking you up!"she joked
Very funny, now if you don't mind i need to freshen up!
(Eamonn rose and went to the bathroom. He approached the Mirror and started to brush his teeth, Not knowing he was being observed In a 2-way mirror! He was in fact in a globe-like structure, with other creatures and other humans going through the same morning routine! A Drone resembling A spider with a camcorder for a thorax used Celluloid wedding to navigate to a mass of Wires spiraling down to a throne)
MISTRESS....ALL SIGNEES ARE ALERT AND ALL CONTRACTS ARE IRON-CLAD!
( The Female Figure rose and as she did, some connecting wires freed her from her place, she wore a red Split Leg Dress made from a light Metal-like Polymer, Her Pink Chromed Skin shining in contrast to the gold in her Knee Shoulders, Elbows, Fingers and Toes, She walked over the Mirror where Eamonn was washing himself. Her Pink face hiding a blush, Her Gold Lips pursing at the sight, her long Wire "hair" dragging like coat-tails at her "Prize Prospect")
"GOOD" Replied Sabaru
"THIS NEW SEASON IS GOING TO BE EXPLOSIVE"
TO BE CONTINUED....
SABOTAGE BY SLEEP WILL CONTINUE IN AUGUST!
So if you were keeping score, Rihanna has being on screen for 5 minutes! 2 in a musical scene, 3 minutes as a voice, and somehow, got more publicity when this film was in the trailer stage of production!
MONEY WELL SPENT(!)
Given that the heroes have being lied to by commander Phillips one man Genocide of the Mulians, except he THOUGHT! the planet was uninhabited and the file classified to save face. The fact the planet had creatures that shit fuel that could power Alpha for a decade? A HAPPY ACCIDENT! I mean, if the empire knew about the converters, then of course they would have invaded!
So In the end, even the villians are idiots!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc
This revelation triggers Clive Owens' Over Acting to constipate for the leads underacting! Blah blah blah For the Empire, blah blah blah DEY TUK R JOOOOOOOBS! BLAH BLAH BLAH WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY, when either the emperor or empress speaks (It's confusing since DelaBrokenSpellcheck voices both) forgives Phillips, all they wanted was the Convertor so they can leave! But Phillips goes full Space Nazi by asking " How Dare IT Pity Me?" Causing Laureline to Knock Phillips the fuck out ! Valerian refuses to give Tiger to the Mulians out of Naive loyalty to Earth, but Laureline tells him that she won't marry him because he has trust issues, and that is the first step towards True love!
Or some bullshit!
If this was delivered by a better actress to a person that didn't look like one of the Autons From Doctor Who, I would care!
 |
| Dale DeHaan |
 |
| Auton from Doctor Who! |
But since Phillips has his own Private Robot Guard, they Slaughter Human and Mulian alike, Valerian requests rescue from Alex, whilst Laureline Beats the piss out of the commander, the Mulians escape by turning their planet and themselves into a LGBT flag cloud, The commander arrested and Laureline changes her opinion on Valerian's marriage proposal...to thinking about it!
This Film is an Expensive Prostitute....it looks pretty, but in the the end it costs too much and it still sucks!
Like I said Luc Besson has a tendency to cast beautiful people, regardless of talent and well, Dela-whatever is no ScaJo...and DeHaan is no actor, full stop!
You thought DeLazyEye had to be carried in Sui-SHITE Squad, Then Dehaan is a complete backbreaker! Granted it's his first starting role, but it's a starting role in a sci-fi film. We are supposed to seeing this new world in the heroes eyes, to feel what he feels, But his rushed dialogue, Echoing Monotone, and lack of emotion is rife, every experience, from betrayal, to injury, to wonder, even getting a lap dance from FREAKING RIHANNA! every experience is met with the same look of....
Speaking of Rihanna's involvement in this movie did everyone else dirty, she was promoted heavily, her scene was the review scene for tv broadcast, as well as the ad campaign. Her entire screen time? Five Minutes! 3 of that 5 was as a voice! And she died after her scene!
Valerian and Laureline are idiots, despite at this juncture since this is not an origin story, they should not be, Valerian is a Major, Laureline a Sargent, they should not this dumb, if it was a an Origin Story, if Laureline was fresh off the time machine from the Middle Ages, then I wouldn't have issues, but the source mythos Of these characters that most English speaking cinema goers never heard of! Still I would have liked the banter between the leads to extended "CMON BABY, LEMME SMASH DAT!"
NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE
As of right now, my local Internet Cafe has reopened, so this combined with the fact that this review is 4 parts long (without the storyline elements!) means i won't have time time to draft the next review! My Super Ex Girlfriend will now be September's review. Good News is that when i do return with new content, It'll be July. Bastille Day. All things French Celebrated. And you know what that means!
4 NEW EPISODES OF CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST NOW!
CREDITS
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was reviewed, compiled and edited on a later date by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from
In Part 1
Valerian City of a thousand Planets
In Part 2
Valerian
JonTron
In Part 3
Valerian...
Persona 5
Code Lyoko
Linkara and Phelous Review the Airzone Solution
Wonder Showzen
and in Part 4:
Valerian.....
Fairly Odd Parents
Doctor Who!
MST3K
With Music "Combine Harvester" by The Wurzels
The Film was Produced by EuropaCorp.
( AND NOW THE CONTINUATION OF SABATAGUE BY SLEEP!)
(Meanwhile....Eamonn woke as a gentle Breeze and Harsh sunlight touched his face, The Warmth and the Breeze Felt Worlds Apart from the Cold Void of Space...that he...just died....(NO THAT WAS A DREAM....A NIGHTMARE!....THEN WHY DID FEEL COLD TIL NOW...?) His eyes Adjusted to the surroundings he was in a open structure like a Roman Villa. He was lying on a Four Poster Bed, Art hung on walls and houseplants fragranted the Room from the large open windows. He was not alone. A tall, Athletically-built woman, wearing a negligee lay next to him, looking at him expectantly.
-(Yawn!) oh...er good Morning?
-Good Morning, Dear...Sleep well?
(Eamonn stared at the this Strange woman, until something in the back of his mind forced itself to the fore-The Name of this Woman and who she was to him)
-Yeah....Morning Sabaru, I guess i had another nightmare
-The space nightmare again?
-Yeah about Earth being Destroyed! How i couldn't save my friends, my race...
Luckily i was glad I meet you Maras and you rescued me, nursed me back to health, you Especially Sabby...and with your kind biologically identical to humans...when I ask to marry You and you said you were pregnant....it was like a dream....me the last human Champion....you...the last female Mara....
-Please! It was more like one of those cheesy Re-population Erotic stories you'll read online!
-(Eamonn Rolled Over and pinned The Woman as she laughed) well then less act out a few scenes! Wait! The Kids! Where ARE THEY?
"-OH MY GOD! I TOTALLY....Dressed and feed them and sent to to school without waking you up!"she joked
Very funny, now if you don't mind i need to freshen up!
(Eamonn rose and went to the bathroom. He approached the Mirror and started to brush his teeth, Not knowing he was being observed In a 2-way mirror! He was in fact in a globe-like structure, with other creatures and other humans going through the same morning routine! A Drone resembling A spider with a camcorder for a thorax used Celluloid wedding to navigate to a mass of Wires spiraling down to a throne)
MISTRESS....ALL SIGNEES ARE ALERT AND ALL CONTRACTS ARE IRON-CLAD!
( The Female Figure rose and as she did, some connecting wires freed her from her place, she wore a red Split Leg Dress made from a light Metal-like Polymer, Her Pink Chromed Skin shining in contrast to the gold in her Knee Shoulders, Elbows, Fingers and Toes, She walked over the Mirror where Eamonn was washing himself. Her Pink face hiding a blush, Her Gold Lips pursing at the sight, her long Wire "hair" dragging like coat-tails at her "Prize Prospect")
"GOOD" Replied Sabaru
"THIS NEW SEASON IS GOING TO BE EXPLOSIVE"
TO BE CONTINUED....
SABOTAGE BY SLEEP WILL CONTINUE IN AUGUST!
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