Eamonn Reviews Gemini Man Part 2

 (PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!....)

Eamonn's Career and life of a Great hero is a lie! He is unwittingly being used by a Duplicitous Creature called a Mara, named Sabaru. Tearing up his friendship with Joe-Jack, and Spinning it as Jealousy, Joe-Jack, aided by a freed Satanic Ostrich, crossed planets and made Allies to uncover some of the lies, But the pieces are now set. As The mara created 7 colleges for Heroes, but what does a Mara a fear feaster, need with an army set on bringing hope to the world?

Meanwhile, Confused on what is going on, Eamonn reviewed Gemini Man, a Film where Will Smith, faces the biggest threat of his life, A Second Will Smith!)

So Part 2 Starts with Henry Brogan (Smith), Breaking into Danni's (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) hut, To make her Coffee: She's gonna need it to be Alert, Because the Agents who came for him, will come for her next! Get Dressed, It's your First Day as a Fugitive.

Danni goes to the Boat-shop to Hijack a Top of the line Speed boat, Only to be attacked and told to tell him where Brogan is or "Tell him 5 minutes later, Minus your Teeth!" Danni is ragdolled by this larger man, But does turn it around after a shot to the kneecap. The Agent's threats are turned around on him, When Henry finds her, she has 2 things for him, the name "Lassiter" and a Fist full of Pulled Teeth!

Now, I'm not sure if Lassiter is the Women with no Personality or the heavy handed parody of Corporate Murica played by Serial Scenery chewer Clive Owen!, But help literally comes in high places in the Portly Shape of "The Baron"(Benedict Wong) Another Former Ace, as evidenced by a 3rd Ace of Spades tattoo on his wrist. A Pilot, now tour guide who will help them escape, To his off Grid Airspace.

Brogan calls Senator Patterson to demand Answers. Yes, Gemini had Hired the Biologist Brogan killed, Yes, Janet Lassiter and Clay Varis are Double Agents. Baron and Brogan, while all three are hiding in Columbia, explain to Danni that Gemini are a Terrorist Cell under the Guise of a Private Security Company owned by Varis. Gemini has all it's proverbial Fingers in the Proverbial Pies. Terrorism, kidnapping, Executions, Name any Military offensive in the past 20 years, and it was Gemini the whole time. Varis is a real piece of Work, he, once in a training Exercise, put Weights on Henry, Who once Drowned previously and had a Fear put on him. So when Varis "Saved" him he Made Henry indebted to Join Gemini!

Once Again, a sniper Trails Our Heroes So Brogan Goes to take him out. Henry is shocked to look down the scope of his gun and see his face down the other end.

DUN DUN....OH WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS FILM WAS SOLD ON THE PREMISE OF "WILL SMITH VS WILL SMITH"

So one High Speed Chase which ends with a ridiculous scene of "Gemini" Karate Kicking a Motorbike into Brogan, and Brogan is Arrested.

And.... Gemini Has Teleportation Powers!

No Seriously! The Chase Ended on the Middle of  a Bridge over a White-water River. Gemini was going to Stab Henry with a Knife, The Police arrived, Henry turned for five seconds, and Gemini was gone, leaving only a baseball cap!

Posing as A diplomat, Danni Gets Henry out of Prison, Henry Needs to contact this Yuri Kovacks in Budapest. Baron's Aztec is not Powerful enough for a Transatlantic Flight, But he does have a Connection, One that lands the Heroes a FUCKING PRIVATE JET!

As Danni Tends to Henry's Wounds she asks him the Elephant in the room: Does he have a son? Back in Georgia, Varis tends to Gemini's (Also Smith) wounds and Gemini speaks of Henry as someone earned his respect, not hatred.

Will Smith Sucking off Will Smith!

THAT'S NOT TOO HARD TO BELIEVE!

And to Really Raise the creep factor, we see a photo of Varis and a younger "Junior" as a child on a fishing trip.

Cut to next Morning and Gemini Training Compound is shown with exercise drills and Crowds of Actors in a Hostage taking exercise, all the while Gemini looks on Bored eating an Icecream Cone!

Varis Tells Gemini to move out to Budapest.

Danni had food from Henry's Plate, a blood sample and the Cap left behind from Gemini to get DNA Tested. the Results are conclusive! Gemini is Henry's clone!

In a Spa, our heroes interview Yuri Kovacs, KGB Agent! Henry was sent to kill Dr Krusneck in Belgium, Because he wouldn't allow Varis to use his Breakthrough Cloning technique, One that Purges Conscience and Pain from a Clone's Memory and was going to go Public to the police.

Somehow Agreeing with Kovacs idea to Coerce Gemini, Henry uses a Bike Courier to send a Message of Intent to Janet Lassister, Courier reads out her address and Daily Routine. Now I Would be shocked and offended that some Bike Bozo was loudly doxxing me in public in front of strangers, but what's this actor's reaction?

She gets a phonecall from Henry telling her snipers are at her 10 and 2 positions and that Her Agent (Danni) is under his protection. However he expects no Legal recourse or Vengeance by the DIA on her return home to America.

...All this talk of Danni's safety is thrown into a woodchipper however, as their plan is to draw out Gemini is to use Henry's own attraction to Danni and Gemini's teenage Hormones against Varis.

After a Very...awkward Strip search, Junior takes the bait literally, who tries to use the attraction Acquired from the real Henry, to Coerce Junior from Varis' Control, But Gemini is still the Clone of possibly the Most Efficient, pragmatic sniper to ever do it. But Despite Booby trapping a catacomb, being armed with night vision and a gasmask, the most effective course of action is a simple plan A: Attack Very Hard!

Gemini is now Henry's prisoner, and Confronts him about Varis, Not factoring that Varis has raised him as a son and not a weapon, leading to a fight that ends with them pushing eachother into an Aqueduct. The clone has one advantage over Henry-HE CAN SWIM! Danni drags Henry out and it's revealed his Shoulder is Busted-A sniper with a Compromised arm is like a table with 3 legs-not fit for Purpose!

Varis is Confronted by Junior about the truth. that his life is a lie. But Varis retaliates that his life is better than Henry's because Junior has the one thing Henry didn't; A father who Didn't try to kill him expecting the best from him, 

But he Does expect the best from Junior, The Only Difference is that Junior has a Whole life time of experience with a life of pain.

Knowing that Varis was in Georgia the whole time, the heroes storm a Farmhouse front only for Junior to shoot Henry with a Tranq Dart full of Bee Venom, which he is deathly allergic too. Junior uses a Epi-pen to Cure Henry. He did it, solely to be sure Henry was telling the truth about the cloning. And with trust earned, Junior lets Henry in on the secret to why he can track Henry so well, in a scar on his bicep, from a surgery 3 years prior, Varis ordered the Doctors to place a tracking device. 

Getting in a van to take the fight to The rest of Gemini, Junior gets a call on his intercom from Varis himself, a one worded warning:

 "RUN!"

It's soon Apparent, though too late for Baron, what Varis meant. As an armed Gemini Unit shoots a rocket launcher at the van, Killing Baron, who was too fat to run.

Danni and Henry are forced to Dodge machine gun rounds, this film devolving to a cut scene from a FPS! Junior confronts his father, about for all the talk of loving him, this is how he wants him back, by treating him as a piece of stolen government property, to be retrieved, DEAD OR ALIVE! Henry has one bullet left, so he apologizes to Danni for dragging her in this deep. But Junior rescues them, But there is bad news, He just couldn't bring himself to kill his father!

That's when A masked Man attacks the heroes with Kung fu and is Covered in nigh impenetrable armour, only after being electrocuted, after being set on fire and activating the Once-stocked Chemist's Sprinklers, does the masked man goes down. Henry pulls off the mask to see...A second Clone, one created from The Advanced Program- the one that could remove Pain and Morality from Memory. When Danni asks if he felt pain, the second clone stares Blankly before dying!

Varis appears from behind to Filibust. Junior Points a Gun to End his father, But Henry steps in. However Junior has a point. If he Gets Arrested, what Then? He'll only use his connections to be freed, or worse, an enemy state will free Varis and he'll Turn Traitor and just start again in another country.

 Henry Tells Junior he doesn't want the guilt on Killing his father on Him, so Junior hands the Gun to Henry....AND HENRY KILLS VARIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF JUNIOR!

Good Job Jackass, Now he had the Guilt of not being able to save him!

Now lets Finish this!

Henry now says his goodbyes to the now Disgraced Senator Len Patterson, Who may get a plea deal if he testifies against Lassister, Now that most of Gemini is made Public Knowledge. Henry and Danni are seeing each other and Junior, Now calling himself "Clay Jackson" has enrolled in college with Henry here to give Clay his Falsified Passport and Birth Certificate. And So Our film ends with them Arguing like a family over Clay's Major.

I'VE SEEN WORSE, BUT I'VE ALSO SEEN BETTER!

First Things First, Compliments, and there is a lot to Compliment. Smith is firmly supported Mary Elizabeth Winsted as a wisecracking caretaker turned Lover, Clive Owen as a "boo-hiss" Villain. (At this point, Owen's scenery chewing is Terminal!) and Benedict Wong as a Jovial Comic Relief all Support the star well. The Script is Compentant and Not too Ridiculous, (UNTIL IT GETS RIDICULOUS!) Ang Lee Directed this and there are Action scenes that stand out, Including chase see during a Holiday of Sorts in Columbia with Bunting and Decoration everywhere, and yet you could still pick out what was happening was a sequence that stood out!

But let's not forget that This film is nothing more than an Ego Wank for Mr Big Willy Style! It Smacks of "GOD, DON'T I WISH MY SON WASN'T SO SHIT AT ACTING!" And the Breakneck pacing is another issue:  For example, Henry tells Lassister, that Danni is under his protection, only to use her as bait in the next scene, or When Henry tells Junior, not to have the death of Varis haunting him, Only to kill Clay Varis himself: that's not my Comedic Exaggeration. that's exactly how it happened!

In the end this film also fails on delivering it's premise of "Will Smith versus Will Smith". With Junior making a face turn very Quickly. Mind you I did like the Subversion of my expectations when an Allergy was Introduced, thinking that would be the Killing Shot to kill Gemini, long before the change of Allegiances. 

A competently written film, and that's the last thing you want Megastars to be attached to.

CREDITS

Gemini Man was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited in two parts by Eamonn Bermingham.

With Media from:

Gemini Man

In Bruges

MST3K

Gemini Man is the Property of Paramount. All rights reserved. All Media used Belong to their respective owners.

(AND NOW.....THE CONTINUATION OF OUR STORY

Decay of a Dream.

Final chapter.

ALMOST ALL OF THE TRUTH.

(The Express Train to Hell Shuddered to a Stop, As Joe-jack and Ostrich touched solid ground. The Station was a Bustling Souk, Not unlike all those Programs about Mother Theresa Mammie would watch , thought Joe-Jack. The Ekata People where exactly what Satan described: Humanoids with Animal features, like the anthros on Harmonus, But with Either plants growing out of them or Metal or Stone jutting out of them. They were all dressed in Indian Style Garb. 

"OI WASN'T EXPECTIN' T'BE DIS PACKED!"

"YOU'LL FIND THAT WISDOM ALWAYS COMES AT A PRICE! LET'S JUST HOPE IT REMAINS FINANCAL!

They pushed throngs of people, to get a viewing platform of a Mountain. The Mountains shook and changed the message carved on each face. The people reading it, were divided at the message.

"WOT DOES IT SAY? I CAN'T READ DER LANGUAGE! "

"It Says "LIVE WITH DESPAIR, BUT DO NOT LIVE IN DESPAIR!"

All that threading 87 other Earfs to get here, just fer that?

"Excusing me" Said an Etaka dressed like a police officer, he looked like a Moustached Capauchin Monkey. "But Am I in Understanding that you two are Coming from the Earth number 1?

"AND WOT IF WE IS?"

"You are Hereby, Here and Now, In the Custody of The great seer of the Mountains of Truth. Please and Thank you very much not to Escape!"

"Well, Joe-Jack, you wanted answers, nothing better than some Holyman thinking he knows the Score."

(Our heroes were marched into a Mosque like Palace. Soon they were Standing in the presence of a Stag headed Humanoid, his antlers morphing from the bone connecting his head, into wood that blossomed into leaves and flowers.)

So, you are the travellers from Earth 1. I know why you came here!

Yes, we came to save our fr...

-HE IS BEYOND SAVING! YOUR WORLD IS BEYOND SAVING!

-w...WHAT?

-As the Seer of the Mountains I see all the true meanings of the platitudes of the Mountains in my dreams, long before they are formed on the sides of the Mountains. I've seen what will happen! A Great Despair as come to Your Planet from Hope, It has Tricked your People into thinking it is a good omen, Soon a Faked truce will plunge the World into Despair....It will change.....People......Dissssspair......LIVE IN DISSSS......####''''''''

Something terrible happened to the seer....as he was getting upset.....His Negativity transformed his Body, removing the Humanoid elements and making him more beast Like, Soon Standing like a Stag with dead wood Antlers, tentacles bursting from his exposed Spinal chord. and Rows and rows of teeth from a extended jaw-line.

DESSSSSSS......PAIR! The creature ROARED Before Joe-jack Shot it Stone dead!

"So that's her Game"

"WOT IS....WOT WAS DAT YOKE?"

"That, my unwashed friend is someone filled with so much Despair via Magic, it warps the Body like a virus, changing what was into something to suit it's needs."

"He said that this will happen to ever'one back home! But of we are here...."

-THEN IT'S PROBABLY TOO LATE!

STARTING NEXT WEEK AND INTO MAY!

THE GRINDHOUSE TRIPLE FEATURE FORMAT RETURNS TO THE SEASON FINALE CONCLUDES THE STORYLINE.

BOGGERBOXOFFICE PRESENTS.

STAN HELSING.

BIG FAT IMPORTANT MOVIE.

AND THE SLAMMIN' SALMON!

IN 

THREE TICKETS TO HELL 2023-WILD HUNGER!

ALL INTO MAY!

ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

Eamonn reviews Gemini Man-PART 1 (REMASTERED!)

 DECAY OF A DREAM

CHAPTER 3

The Mountains that Scream Loudly In Fear.

(Knowing They can or will be Watched, SatanicOstrich Had Dragged Joe-Jack to a Back Alley.

Satan Used one of Their Avian Talons to Scratch a door into a Wall. Upon Completion, The tracked Lines, Burned into a Door. A familer Door, A train Door.)

-Dats...

-Yes, It's About that Time! Said the Lord Of Darkness, as he Held up 3 TICKETS TO HELL

R we goin t' anotha Worl? Oi thoughtz we weren't aloud!

True. Eamonn's little Pity Party on top Heavenscar did lead to The Council and the Cosmic Entities to Ban Interdimensional Travel. But there is one exception.

Earth 88.

Earf-88...88...Weight....Dat's where Dem Mountains are...Da ones ya Showed Eamonn afore Destroying Silent Hill t' restore ya Job as Da Man Downstairs.

-Indeed, The Mountains of Truth. Satan said as They flicked switched and Pressed Buttons on a console.

-Wot Eggsackly R DA MOUNTAINS OF TRUTH?

In Universe 88, Live The Dominant Species known as The Ekata, Creatures who Evolved to Contain Animal, Plant and Inorganic parts within themselves. Even the planet itself has a level of Sentience. 

But one day, for what ever reason, 2 factions of the Ekata started a war. Each Nation were separated by a long barrier of Mountain Range. The Mountain, Saddened by it's People Fighting, Using it's own Children, The Stones and Rocks as Ammo. As the 2 Ekata Armies Charged towards the Mountain Range, The Summits Decided to take Action.

They caused an Earthquake so loud it made the Armies take Notice! 

The Earthquake was not an Attack, but A Means of Communication. The mountains started to Etch 2 words on every Mountain face. 

"STOP FIGHTING!"

Realizing that the war will hurt the Planet far more than themselves, The Ekata Returned to live as Prosperous Farmers. But the Mountains, Fearing that, like you Humans, that History will Repeat itself, Would Change it's Messages to Predict the future. Eons Pass and The legend Became a religion. Soon after, Earth 88 became a Place, where Those you had the power to do so, Could consult The Mountains for Guidance.

-So We Ain't Breakin' Annie laws Be Comin to dis Worl?

-Absolutely Not! The Mountains of Truth are Mid Level Magical Entities. Their Existence is to monitor the flow of Time and Civilization, Much like Santa Claus, Or the Reaper.

The Engines of the Express Train, Grinding to a halt. 

-Look's like we are Here!

AND NOW! OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

 This Month, I Need to be extra careful what I say, For Fear I Incur the Wrath of Hollywood's Angriest Man-Will Smith!

And Over 200 posts, This is, Not counting Being part of The Ensemble Cast overshadowed by Margot Robbie's Ass in Sui-SHITE Squad, is the first Film Actually with Will in a Starring Role. Green Screen Shenanigans Abound As Will Smith's Good Name is Tarnished by a younger Inferior Copy of himself!

Like that will ever happen!

heh...heh...heh...

Cover is one of the lamest I've seen in a while, Smith Holding a Machine Gun, in front of A Better Call Saul-like scan of his younger face, And a shot of Budapest.

We Open On a high Speed Train Departing Liege in Belgium. Of all the place you could have a spy film set, you picked a place no-one heard off?

On the Train, An American Operative we learn is named Rico, is Trailing some very Gruff and Hardy looking Men. The American is wired and in contact with a sniper setting up shop at the side of the railroad, Named Henry Brogan (Smith). Loading his gun with one Shot. Brogan Prepares to Shoot, But is told to Stand Down as a Child Stares at the target and gets in the way. The Agent Confirms an All clear and Brogan shoots the target as the train enters a tunnel. Smith really is a "DEADSHOT"

While Henry Is a Professional, His Partner is not! Rico did a L*gan P**l and Filmed the Dead Body. Henry Reliterates to delete all Evidence.

Cut to A Cabin off the grid In the State of Georgia and Henry is Doing Just That when his phone Alert goes off. Senator Patterson Visits Henry to ask him to Reconsider retiring, that while there are younger Snipers, They are not Henry. But the last Job with a child's life on the line has spooked him and he will be retiring.

Not long after, Henry Goes to his local Docks to take up Finish but his local Boat hire Guy is replaced by Danni (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) A grad student Working here on side (or so she says) We get some banter including how Henry is Allergic to Bees.

FORESHADOWING!

Actually he is using the boat to get in contact with another Former sniper, named Jack, we see both Men have the same Wrist tattoo of the Ace of Spades!

He reveals to Henry that he was lied to. The man he killed, Not a terrorist, but a Micro-Biologist. Jack gives Henry a typed up Name and Address for a Yuri Kovacks in Budapest, rather than say it out loud, As Jack's Yacht is bugged and Watched by the D.I.A.

In Defense intelligence HQ, 2 agents argue about Sending "Gemini" to deal with Brogan, However the female Spy says standard procedure is to contain retirees with an undercover agent and his former handler, namely Senator Patterson. But the Male Spy is not Convinced Brogan won't Go Rogue.

Back on the Lake, Henry Finds The Boat he hired has a wiretap. he confronts Danni who Denies Being an Agent. However he Apologizes for his Outburst and asks Danni to meet him for drinks after Work.

However after a lifetime of Service, Brogan has Connections, and he Submits A Photocopy of Danni's Agent ID. She has being Officially "Burnt", so Henry wants Answers, So Danni is a former Navy Officer, Whose father was a Fed, killed off duty, and she has served in the navy for 4 years. Danni asks Henry why he retired. He says it's a Conscience issue. He claims he can no longer "LOOK IN THE MIRROR" Anymore!

SYMBOLISM!!!!

Jack and his lover are killed by Operatives, their bodies dumped into the lake below.

Henry Wakes from a nightmare of a memory of his father trying to drown his son to teach him to swim, which leads to his mother rescuing him, but red an blue lights reach his lucid Dream And his Alert goes off his Phone. Thankfully to avoid Escape, Henry has built his cabin with Secret Doors and Escape Tunnels. He tries to Contact Rico to save him, but its too late, So he heads to the Docks to try and Save Danni, Killing any Black Ops Agents Who Felt Froggy and Jumped!

HENRY'S RESCUE CONTINUES, AS DOES WHATEVER THE MOUNTAINS OF TRUTH HAVE IN STORE FOR OUR HEROES, NEXT WEEK ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

St Patrick's Day Special: Eamonn Reviews Belfast.

 In Terms of a Conflict that Continues to Leave a Scar on It's Country's History, None Runs Deeper Than the "Troubles" In Northern Ireland in the later Decades Of the 20th Century.

As One of Two of the British Countries of the United Kingdom whose Governments are an Assembly, Made to, on Paper, to pass Laws in Northern Ireland to Appease Both the Kingdom it belongs to and the Country it Shares a Border With Physically.

However That wasn't always the case, Especially When Class and Religion was brought into the conflict and Unrest. Soon Whole Communities from the poorest to the Richest, Imploded Solely Because the Exploitation of Groups like The I.R.A And the Red Hand Defenders, Fanning the flames and Writing the narrative of a "Religious war" between the Catholics and The Protestants.

However in all Struggles there are people who endured despite all the hate speech and Street riots.

This is one of those stories from the Capital of Northern Ireland.

Belfast.

 

While a Group shot is very minimal and doesn't really tell us the plot, the ratings and Accolades make up for that! The Shot of Buddy Leaping in the Air with a Wooden Sword and Dustbin Lid in the Air, completely carefree playing soldiers....Without knowing what was coming!

The Film is presented in black and white to invoke both 60's Nostalgia and the Grimness of the Troubles.

 

We Open On Modern Day Belfast Present in 4k HD colour, But this is not the Belfast with the Titanic Museum, and the art and Murals and the Architecture we covering, we are covering the Belfast of 1969, As the Bustling Council Estate Shows the Slice of life of that time. A young Mother calling for her son Buddy (Jude Hill), As the camera follows a typical summer's day, people outside enjoying the sun, people in button down shirts returning from work, Kids playing outside the shop after going there for sweets. After playing with his sword and shield he heads home, only to to be stopped in his tracks by a group of Rioters, who cause an uproar by throwing stones and Molotov Cocktails, even pulling out a drain grate to smash windows and setting a car on fire, thankfully Buddy's Mother (Caitriona Balfe) and Brother save the young boy and bring him inside for safety, as the Leader Makes his intentions clear get every Catholic out of "Their" Country, or they will be back.

The Next Day, Buddy leaves the house and Sees the Carnage Wrought the day before, Burnt car Chassis, Bandaged friends, Catholic Houses marked like they were victims of the Plague, and Council Workers and Civilian Volunteers taking up paving stones and building a barricade.

However we know what happened Next as the British Army came to Enforce Peace and Only saw People in Council Estates as Vermin who will turn to Crime, anyway!

So, time to get this out of the way!

Despite the Jobsworth Soldiers not letting him pass to Begin with, Buddy's Father has returned from England to check on his family's safety. Dad (Jamie Dornan) are joined by A Granny and Pop (Judi Dench and Ciaran Hinds) The Attack has Stunned the Grandparents and May compound on Pops' "Hospital Visits" and Dad's "Trouble".

The Bells Ring for Catholic Mass and though Buddy's Family are Not, they are attending Church for the "Business" of asking for money to rebuild. Dad makes it up to Buddy on bringing him to the cinema, But Mam reminds Buddy, His Cousins are coming to say Goodbye to Dad in a going away party, Much to Buddy's unhappiness that he won't be a "Vigilante". Besides, all the Westerns and gangster films are becoming a toxic influence. Buddy says that going to mass when you do something wrong like a Catholic must be great, because they have Confessionals, But Dad Says the Reason Catholics believe that is that Catholism is "A Religion of Fear"

And on that Statement, We've Smash Cut into A Shadowy Church and an Angry Priest preaches Death to Protestants, As Buddy sits wide eyed and in Terror.... BEFORE he Clears his throat and in a soft Mellifluous tone, says one word: Money! In a Bit of Humour Buddy Sharply Donates, seemingly Convinced  by the priest.

That night and Spotlights evade what little Privacy the residents have left. Buddy, still shaken by the Priest's Sermon of a "Fork in the Road", Draws one. The next morning, the house is Preparing for Dad's Going away party and other family have arrived, but A Catholic Volunteer refused to let them in and will hold a Grudge about it!

Due to the Era we are in there is a lot of Jazz Music, As opposed to anything on the pop side of the era, and for Cultural reasons. Jazz is very popular in the North, given that there is a theme of Hope and Hardship, in the life and music of Jazz musicians.

Buddy is playing when two men appear from nowhere, Billy Clanton and Rick Nory. Buddy recognizes Clanton as The leader of the riot, So he hurries to find his father. This is the "trouble" he was in. Clanton is trying to recruit other Protestants. Frankie, the old Catholic playing Bouncer says as he walks past Dad that as much as he would love to tear down this Barricade, Maybe there is a reason to keep it up. 

The next day the Family go to the cinema, and instead of a Western go to 1 Million, BC. Much to the Disappointment of Mam, the Moment Raquel Welch bounces on Screen! That night still Shaken by Clanton, Dad warns his Sons not Agree to anyone to wants you to liberate, do Jobs or Send messages without telling Mam, Since he is Leaving for England as soon as the school run is over. Buddy uses the bathroom in the middle of the night and hears his parents arguing about his gambling and not being around when he does return. But years of paying back tax will soon be behind them, Dad Proposes that the family immigrate to Canada.

As the days turns into weeks, Buddy gets a crush on a Girl in his class. So gets Advice from Grandad and Granny, that leads to Buddy goes for sweets and Stands outside the Girl's house, the Tensions rise as soldiers are now searching residents and Clanton is seen Dragging his Son by the arm who he had sent to  beg for the cause, Goes to the House of a man who not only refused but told the Boy that War is pointless. So Clanton Punches him, for saying that to his boy, and turns to see Buddy and threatens his father, should be come back!

The Bills are piling up and Dad is not coming home anytime soon. Meanwhile on a lighter note. Buddy's passing grade in English let's him to the top of the class, however, expecting to be sat beside Catherine he's Disappointed that she's sitting behind him.

So Buddy has a shot on Talking to her During a Project on the Moon landing, So he Turns up the charm by giving her Flowers.

Sadly, It's not Smooth Sailing for Buddy.

For you see, Buddy and Will have a Cousin called Moira, who is a bad influence. She was seen talking to Buddy about "Telling the Difference between Us and Them" and Wanting Buddy to be in a gang, so now she had enlisted Buddy to steal sweets from the cornershop, one of the other Children that had being Convinced gets Caught as Buddy and his cousin, makes a Dash with only one bar of Turkish Delight. A passerby tells Buddy his Dad is home despite it being Wednesday, So Buddy makes it home, But Drops the Bar, there is already enough trouble as is.

Buddy soon learns that Dad is back because of something Foolish Mam has Done. Mam had sent a letter to the Inland Revenue to Confirm that they paid their Back taxes in full to Confirm that they are not a credit risk. Only for the Revenue to find out Da was in prison and added £500 pounds of tax that he didn't pay for the 2 year stint. Of Course Ma Doesn't believe him and think he had drunk and Gambled away all her hard Work. 

So to make up for this, Dad has asked to be part of the 5 year Job to build what will be a Hospital for Children in London. Granny shudders at the word, she doesn't want to hear nothing about hospitals, what with her Screening coming up. Buddy and Dad talk to each other his Worries of Granny Dying and Emigrating. Buddy walks through the Gates, But hides behind a bike shed, When Billy Clanton Confronts his Father, but His Father knows Clanton for far too long, he's no "Soldier", he's just a "Jumped up Gangster", before walking away and leaving the North again.

The police have arrived after Mr Singh has reported To the Police the Attempted Robbery. With Mam not needing Potentially being Banned from the only Shop in walking Distance on top of everything else!

The truth Apparent when a Tax Inspector will come to the House Without Dad, Who Came Back when Will was Nearly Recruited into the Defenders, Via what he thought was a Legitimate Milk Round, Only for Clanton to Appear and Will escaping by punching one of them in the nose, while he and Buddy ran off. Later Dad is Helping Buddy with Homework and learning from Will he's Interested in Australia, Maybe living there in the Future. 

We cut to a More Happier scene, the family, including Moira, playing in the park, Though to one Side, Mam is talking to Granny about really Considering leaving Belfast, Factoring in her Health, Granny with a smile, tells her she had lived long enough and the family Doesn't Need her Anymore!

Da is leaving for Years as the Family have One last party, Afterwards Pop and Granny Reminisces, Before she tells him that tomorrow he is getting a Check up at the hospital, while she's being screened, even if she had to drag him into Reception, Do you hear me? She says.

("I always have. sure, When have I not?") Says the former Miner, before he walks off with a cough that Progressively gets Worse and Worse!

Da has Come back to tell Mam that he's being Considered for a Promotion to Foreman. It even comes with a house for Bigger Than what they are living in. But Mam is a realist. They will be leaving everyone and Everything they know.  Going to London means half won't understand them and the other half will be racist towards them. Dad tells them that he needs an Answer by Christmas.

Cut to Whiteabbey Hospital in November. And Pop is staying in the Hospital, The Condition of his lungs worse to warrant a stay. Money is now too tight for Christmas Eve as the Rent man is being Hid From.  

Buddy tells Pop About the House Da is getting. But He does share in the worry that Noone will understand him in London. So Pop tells a story about how that was the case when he worked in Leicester, So what he did, was Speak in a Different Accent everyday to annoy his co-workers, until they learned to Understand the Ulster Accent. ("If People Don't Understand, Then that Means They Are Not Listening") He ends by telling Buddy, That No matter where he goes, He'll Always Be Buddy From Belfast 15. So He asks What Buddy Wants (He Means From Christmas) And Buddy says Pop and Granny to come with them which Saddens Pop!

After going to A Christmas Carol with Granny at a theatre, Buddy on the Bus home asks her if she went with Pop when he worked in England, To which she answers No! She is Told Da will Return for Christmas and they are going to see "Titty Titty Bang Bang" Much to the Shock of Granny on the Mispronounced Name. She loves her films too, when she was Younger, and she use to dream of wanting to crawl into the Screen and live in one of those Face-off places, ever since seeing the film Lost Horizions. But The Saddest she ever was in her life was learning Shangra-La Doesn't Exist!

Christmas Day and Mam and Da are now an United Front On Going to the London, Much To Buddy's Anguish on Leaving Granny and Pop Behind. When they send Buddy to have a Nap, The Parents Are Back at an Impasse, So they will decide at Easter, However with all the Tension, Will the family....or even the marriage , last that long?  

3 months Later and Moira Grabs Buddy Against his will, She has Completely being Recruited by Clanton and so Both are marching in a riot in a Catholic Street to Loot a Supermarket.

 

 So When Mam Drags the Children out, After Buddy Steals a Box of Washing Powder. So Mam Drags Buddy back to Drag Moira Out, Until Clanton Kidnaps them, Until Da, Will and the Army Surround him.

 

Clanton Pulls a pistol, But Will Throws a Brick to Dad who disarms Clanton by Breaking his hand, Opening up for the Army to Arrest Him.

Sitting around looking at the Box of Washing Powder Buddy Stole, Ma has decided, For their Safety to Move to London, once the rent is paid in full.

Telling Pop in Hospital they are leaving. He's Hopeful til the last ("Belfast will always be here, and I won't be anywhere You Can't Find Me!")

Getting an A in project with Catherine, and Saying goodbye to their Cousins Before they leave forever. There is a knock at the Door, Buddy Opens it And sees an Undertaker. Soon Buddy Runs Teary-eyed to the pub and to collect his father.

We Cut to Some time later and Pop's Wake. A funeral is held and Afterwards Granny Own health is Fading too. However that Night a Trip to the Pub for Singing and Dancing is what The Doctor Ordered. The Next day Reality Sets In

The House is Empty, Pop's Saddles and Wood work Remains Unfinished. As at First Light 4 figures with Suitcases walk out of Belfast 15 for the last time. Buddy and Catherine Exchange Goodbyes and Mementos. Before he gets on the Bus, Buddy Reveals to Da, Catherine is a Catholic, But  Da says as long you Love and Respect Whoever you end up with, Religion doesn't Matter. And So the Film ends with Granny telling Da (To the Camera) to Go and Not look Back, and that she loves Him. as she Closes the door to her House and Starts Crying and So the last thing we see is the Shipworks in Full colour and the sun setting over Modern Belfast, The Film Dedicated to those who Stayed, Who left, and those who died, On both sides of the Conflict.

A FILM MASTERCLASS!

A Triumph for Kenneth Branagh, Belfast is a film That Plays long in the Memory, because they got everything right. Black and white Film for the Events of this film and Colour for tv programs not the news, films and Even A theatre Scene filmed for this film, is used to denote what is Real and what is fiction. Having Irish and Northern Irish actors also Helped in the immersion, Even Judi Dench's accent was Convincing enough! 

Speaking of convincing, The Actions of the Family (Which is never given a surname and that the only Complaint I have!) Is so recognizable Especially the scene in the Cinema, where all the Adults play along with the Flight Scene of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to keep the Scene of Wonder, the Kids may lose forever, Because this film like the Jazz Songs used, speak of Hope and Hardship, a Hardship that's all consuming, one that splits Neighbourhoods Apart. Despite the Friendliness of the opening Scene and Solidarity after,  people start to Change, The Catholic Neighbours form a Neighborhood watch that starts to be Accusatory, even local business  like the Milkmen and their own Cousin are not immune, Given how Moira was Turned so easily, and not even a Victim, ironically she being the Catalyst that led to Buddy's family leaving, and though Clanton was Arrested, It's Bittersweet, they are leaving Belfast, Because they have to! It's sad that it Ends with the Family Leaving after the Death of One Grandparent and the Ailing Health of another, But this is The Ending that Makes Sense! Because It Happen too Many!

With a Star Cast and Two Starmaker turns for Caitriona Balfe and Jude Hill, this is a film that balances Humour and Grief In a film about the Troubles, Without being Too Visceral or Marginalizing the Tragedy. Great Stuff!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE....

Someone Who looks like Will Smith is ruining his good name.... yeah Expect Talentless Son Jokes A-Plenty! When We Review Gemini Man!

CREDITS

Belfast was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited, By Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli on Twitter and Mastodon World Server!)

With Media from:

Belfast

MST3K

Belfast was produced by Focus Features and Distributed by Universal studios. All rights reserved. All Media used Belong to their respective owners.

Eamonn reviews Free Guy

 Decay of a Dream. Chapter 2

What Price, Progress?

As quickly as the "Seeds" had buried into a continent each, as Quickly as their screws gathered material, no matter what it was, as quickly as the the sacks like filled Lungs pulsated under the weight of their Plunder, as quickly as the Terror and noise had started, it Stopped just as abruptly, the collective mass straining against the Fabric of the Lungs that overshadowed the run down hovel of a former BNB That Joe-Jack lived in and was hiding in.

Stumbling out, confused, Joe-Jack full of fear of what this "Lung" was, prodded it with one of his broad, Unwashed fingers.

With Comedic Timing , this is when It decided to 

"POP!"

WITH A LOUD BANG! THE LUNG POPPED!

And inside, What a Religious person would call a miracle, as whatever was salvaged from the Excavating Process, in the Case of the Graveyard of his front Garden: stone, wood, The Bodies of his Father's victims, all where broken down to the atomic level with Technology beyond our understanding, and reconstituted into a grand Building of Sorts. And this was Done 6 more times on the planet with more Disasterous  Results- Sydney Australia it's entire Population around the harbour area slain. In Africa whole Species, destroyed! And the South Pole, there was no justification for the Ecological damage There!

Soon Camera Spiders and Camera Hound Droids. Materialized from Portals. The Same Magictech that Stitched Camera Parts to Necrosis-ridden Flesh was now planting a Seed, that grew into a Plinth. Soon Sabaru was on the podium, with her G-Men, justifying that scarring the World was Done, as a gift from the Message of Hope, that was Created all those years ago, so there was no way, it was intentional for all the death that Took place today, because, she had just created 7 Galactic Academies, A School that will Train and House the Future and Hope of not just the Human Race, But of all Sentient beings!

They all Bought it! Much to Satanic Ostriches Disapproval.

So this is how the Fall of Society Starts, With Selfies taking with Their Destroyers.

Wot?

Not here! Let me Take you somewhere that not even Saburu can reach. 

Joe-Jack was lead to a back-alley, where Eamonn looked from the Podium and saw the suspicious activity of his now Former Friends. His mind Poisoned by Manipulation and False Memories, He viewed his friends no more than Spiteful Vigilantes. He Grabbed Joe-Jack during an Ambush when the Shard in his Fist manifested a DVD! He lets go of his former ally and looked at the DVD, was there A Higher Power trying to tell him something? Or was this months review some kind of sick joke?

AND NOW! OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

Wow...This Cover tells me Nothing about this film or its plot!

It's Just Ryan Reynolds With a Paper Coffee cup and a Goldfish Bowl Smiling. Cropped In front of Explosions and Crazy Nonsense behind him, but it's Framed as a Group Shot From other Headshots, with Jodie Comer, Lil Rel Howery, A Guy in a Bunny Suit, and to Make Sure the Normies Know it's a Film about Dem Dar Vidja Games- we have a Nerd and a Influencer Douchebag. Also Reynolds On A Motorbike flying through the Air With Comer Straddling The Bike, Guns Blazing!

WHY IS THIS NOT THE COVER?

But Back to Video Games, And I Usually Pay No Mind to the Back of DVDs and any Blurb, But the Description had to be Made Fun of. You see the Plot of Free Guy is about the Populous of a Video Game becoming self aware. But the words used show that this is a Fox Film Who are Equally Ignorant And Combative To Video Games, Describe Ryan Reynolds' Character as a "Background PLAYER in a Video Game"

A Background PLAYER In A Game Where Real Players Play!

The Term The Forty plus aged Check Chaser who wrote this crap was looking for is NPC. It's not a new term and the Game that their News arm is always using to scapegoat all Games, GTA, is full of them, as is this Film, it's Apparent it's written by both a camp of Games Are Bad, M'Kay? And Parents Trying to be Down Wif Da Yuff!

So with that Said, Welcome to Free City, Home of Free Guy! 

So Guy Explains That the Human players are Known as the Sunglasses People Who on this GTA-esque Game can Basically do what the Fuck they want, breaking laws and Still be thought as cool by the Populous. 

Including Guy (Reynolds), A Bank Teller who is living his best life. He had a Flat, A Goldfish , A Best Friend, (Howery), There is one thing he doesn't have, and that's Someone in his life, Though 200 dollars for some Air Jordans would be nice too!  

As a Bank Teller in A GTA-world, Robberies are like Clockwork for him that even robbed Is a minor inconvenience for him, (though the cops Disarm themselves when it happens) so  instead they talk about a Barista that Guy is interested in.

In a Back Alley, A Masked Man is Accosted By A Mysterious Sunglasses Woman (Comer). The Man is a Hacker who has proof of Secret Levels and Source Codes.  Getting what she wants she shoots the man dead. She walks past NPCS and mimics there Programmed Dialogue and into Guy while she is Singing Mariah Carey's Fantasy and this gets his attention not only because of how she looks. She Mocks what Guy usually says (Which is "Don't have a Good Day, have a Great Day!") But is shocked to hear him react to her Singing. Despite Buddy trying to tell him that she is a Sunglasses Person, he wants to at least try to ask her out. So he follows her to Train tracks where he is ran over.

In the real world, Millie (Also Comer) is a former Programmer who is suing the supposed "Creator" of Free City, before he can launch The Sequel to his game.

Guy wakes the Next day his Programming resetting, But here's the thing, He Remembers Dying, so he is Slowly becoming Self Aware, Even if it's Small Steps like Ordering something Different at the Coffee Shop, and even that gets a Shocking reaction.

The Daily Bank Robber Happens and Guy sees The Girl, so he goes to steal the Sunglasses from the Giant Black Male Robber, (it's Dwayne Johnson who was Uncredited) who in real life are 2 foul-mouthed 10 year old girls, Because VIDEO GAMES ARE BAD M'KAY!

Can you Get off that Fucking Horse for once, FOX?

So because Guy wants to talk to the Girl, He Accidentally kills the Player for their Sunglasses, He Runs out to put them on and ....

Something like that, it instead turns his Vision into a HUD and Minimap Designed by someone with ADHD!

He is now able to see the World as it is And interact with power ups and in game Money, Something that gets the Attention of the nerd from the cover, Keys. He shows his Friend Mouser the Footage from the game. At first Mouser thinks it's a Rouge Player who Somehow "Wrapped"his Avatar with an NPC skin skin ( this is a real Practice done by Modders) But as Admins on the Server it's there job to check it out!

After Buying the Sneakers, Guy goes to where he Died Yesterday and Sees Beyond the Tracks a Literal Backdoor, but before he can Go any further, Keys and Mouser, in their avatars of Stripper Cop and Bunny Suit Cop Calls him over thinking he is A player, Guy is confused about their demands to remove his skin, So he runs into a Burnt down block of flats, Which Mouser, as a developer can warp reality to get to Guy. But the Air Jordans literally have a Double Jump power up inside them Which Guy uses to Escape,  and manifests a bubble suit when he descends. He claims to be invincible as he wriggles out, But gets ran over by Keys and Mouser's Police car.

They Log off, But Keys is Dumbfounded, The Number of players did not change. Mouser Does not want Keys to report to "Anton" who is too busy with the Sequel launch that he'll no doubt fire them for not Launching a perfect Game

PPPFFFFT!!!!!

That's not how you make money in video games in the 20s!

YOU HAVE TO SELL A GLITCHY HALF FINISHED GAMES FOR CHRISTMAS FOR €60 AND THEN SELL SOFTWARE PATCHES FOR A FIVER EACH TIME! 

Mouser asks If Keys wants to go for a drink after  work. But Keys Declines. Mouser Asks Why Keys, A Master Degree Recipient and a Former Studio owner is doing stuck as a Admin for this game, And he says it's a long story.... Which will now be told in flashback!

So Walter McKey and Millie Rusk use to be a team of Game Developers, Who's game Boasted AI that could evolve, But that Game was not going to be like GTA, But a Sandbox game, a Game that's not competitive or Mission based, but you can do the things you can do real life, Camp, build a house, Cook, fish, whatever you can do really. These games do exist and they do have their fans.

During an interview, Millie Foreshadows that she is a Glory-Seeker and That Keys is a Shy Guy who can't spit it out! And that they are not a Couple. And that their game will be published by Tsunami games.

HMMMMMM!

A Gaming Company Ran by Pieces of Shit, who are Named after a Natural Disaster?

I WONDER WHO THAT'S SUPPOSE TO BE?

And the Worst thing? It's probably not even a Real Slam Against Blizzard. Fox Probably Picked the name at random because it Sounded cool!

The Interview is played on Keys' TV despite Him just entering after being at work the whole time, who was watching that?

Turns out, it was Millie, Who is trying to get Keys to testify against Anton. But said had put an NDA on her Contacting his Employees, and For Record, as far as he knows, didn't steal Life2Live, he Bought it after it tanked!

Guy Wakes up the Next Day and changes his Outfit to something more Casual, Sure it's Still a Blue Shirt and Corduroy Slacks, But It's because his not Going to Work, Until he can talk to Millie, Who is trying to break into the Free City 2 Beta-Which Is Conceptualized as A Heavily guarded Mansion, Until Guy shows up and Blows her cover. Millie uses her Coding Know how to Make a Matrix-Style Armoury out of a blank space, But she Thinks Guy is just a Human with no idea how to play. He wants to Help But he doesn't want to Kill to Boost his Level, So Millie Suggests Discarding guns and Saving civilians to boost his level can work too!

We Have A montage of  Guy Doing Just that, Doing good deeds and Disarming Players. While in the Real World, People are Taking Notice Fox and F(r)iends pretend to give a shit, Gamers are Complaining, Content Creators are Make Videos (With Cameos by Ninja and Jacksepticeye!) Even Kids are Cosplaying as Blue shirt Guy-even though the Game is NOT FOR CHILDREN!

Guy Goes to the bank and tries to Convince Buddy that he can change too and steals Glasses from a New Robber, But He Refuses to Join after Lecturing a Prostitute NPC to make better life choices. Guy keeps the new pair just in case.

Millie Calls Keys at, Work and he is Convinced To Help her break into the Beta, But only to confirm if his code was Stolen before Purchase, So he sneaks to the toilet to allow Millie into the Beta, She steals Source code, but It's Booby Trapped, Spawning Bodyguards as part of Anton's Security Protocol until Guy shows up and Takes them out, So Anton Spawns...Cowboys, Ninjas, Samurai and Boxers-DUH COS DEM HAVE VIDJA GAMES TOO, DON'T DEY?

Yeah They Do!

Just Not when that game in context is of a Modern Crime Ridden Los Angeles. Okay maybe the Boxer makes sense!

Face it! You Just wanted  Costume dept. to have something to do!

Keys asks Millie Who are Talking You Too, and Confirms that there is no other Human Players there. Outnumbered, They smash through a Widow on a Bike before Hang-gliding out of there. Keys Gets a Message Informing him that Anton has just arrived at Tsunami-Which is spelled Soonami

BECOZ PUR LITRA-C IZ.....

...COMPLETELY PAR THE COURSE FOR A FILM DEMONIZING COMPUTER GAMES AND IT'S CULTURE!

Anton Finally Makes his presence felt and he's a Man-child who is EEJIT-LON, M SHITE SHITTYFILM, Uwe Boll and Vince Russo wrapped in a Child's Shark Slippers and Boxing Robe combined into a Ultimate Toolbox having a midlife crisis, and like the people I mentioned, he is a pompous Jackass who was lucky to make money, by working for the people who really had the ideas, Before convincing people of his crappy ones!

He's here to Discuss the Blue Shirt Guy Glitch, But he Doesn't want it fixed, He loves the Free Publicity his Game is getting, So he wants the Art department to make a Blue shirt guy Skin for Free City 2. Keys Confronts his Boss that he said Free City 2 was Backwards Compatible with Free City, Confirming that it is a Web Browser game Online, Not a game on Console. For those Clueless as the Writers of this film, Games online, never have to worry about being sequels, because Updates are made at intervals without having to close the game down completely to sell a new game.

Anton However is Going to shut Down the Whole Server, Wipe the slate Clean, expect every player to make new accounts to start from scratch in a new Game. WHY?

Because Keys Has this Problem with Speaking his mind, he turns down A promotion from Anton and then the Asshole says this!-

"OH THANK GOD! I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE PAYING YOU MORE,ANYWAY!"

ARE YOU SURE THIS FILM IS NOT REALLY ABOUT BLIZZARD?

Back in Free City, Millie Sees Guy who has leveled up his Apartment into a Batcave, But Millie is Convinced Guy is a Hacker

She drops it When Guy asks her if she wants to get some ice-cream. So They Go to the waterfront the safest part of this Open World Game.

And if you didn't find the Paradox in that last sentence, You are as Clueless on Modern Games as FUX NEWS ARE!

The Ice-cream man sells Bubblegum ice-cream, A Reminder that it's her Favourite Flavour. It seems that there are little in-jokes between Millie and Keys encoded in Free City. And it seems Millie is Falling for Guy.

Meanwhile Back at Soonami, Keys is going through the Game's Assets, Namely it's Base Coding on it looks and Acts. He sees some changes in the NPC's who interacted with Guy, But he opens Guys File and his programming rivals that of A full game itself and it's getting smarter. Millie kisses Guy after being candid about her Childhood. As she gets a knock on the door.

It's Keys and he is now convinced Anton Bombed Life2Live to steal their coding. Guy is starting to change the people around him, The Barista had started serving Cappuccino (OFF SCREEN) And The Prosecute is writing Anti-Patriarchal  journal entries (OFF SCREEN) Millie confesses to kissing Guy, But Keys pretends to care, because they are "Just Friends" 

The Next-day, Millie shows Guy what lies Beyond the Backdoor. Millie Doesn't spare Guys feelings, His World is a Game and in two days time, Free City will cease to Exist!  Naturally being told you are Living in The Matrix , Your life is a lie, And you Feelings are not real and you too would go mad from the Revelation!

After trying in vain to get NPCS to change, He Goes to Buddy's and asks him what he would do what he was told what he was told.

Buddy takes it well, and says he wouldn't care, His Human Form isn't real, But his Humanity is. Doing what's right and feeling how you feel is The Realest thing in the World. And  it's all that matters.

Breaking into Beta, they meet a Security guard who is Channing Tatum, who is really a Nerd running a Stream.

Film, you have Real Streamers in your film. YOU PAID REAL STREAMERS TO BE IN YOUR FILM, SO YOU KNOW STREAMERS DON'T LOOK LIKE BASEMENT DWELLERS ANYMORE!

Excited that a Legend has Appeared on his Stream. Tatum let's Guy take the data he was Guarding. It's already patched and Encrypted so take it. There is one Favour though, He wants to be Killed by Blue Shirt Guy for Clout! 

When he Refuses, That's when FOX decides to just pile more Firewood on their Anti Video game Bonfire!

Channing's User is Using a Game's Chatroom To Groom Children!

.....

Talking to Millie's Logged off Avatar, until she returns and He has changed his mind. He wants to save his world. When she logs in, he gives Millie the Data!

The Amount of Press That Guy is Getting in the Real World is making people consider playing the Game without killing-Something that Pisses off Anton-If people are still playing Free City 1-they won't Pay for Free City 2. So Anton Orders to Wipe the Server. It Freezes Everyone in place except guy. Just before he was going to tell Millie where he Saw Live2life on City after she shows him Data. Everyone is deleted and rebooted to their Original Programming. Millie Returns to Convince Guy but For a Programmer she forgets that Guy needs Sunglasses to be Convinced.

But There is Hope, Keys phones Millie to tell her, That Guy's AI is so advanced now his Programming Now acts like Amnesia to the Wiping-The Memories are still there, So she kidnaps Guy give him spare Sunglasses and Kisses him working like a Reserve Superman Kiss!

So Guy Shows Millie where he has seen Life2live, he Angles his Metallic Blinders in his Apartment, to catch the light turning Free City Outside into a Tropical Island. Millie Realises that Anton was too Stupid and too lazy to make a game from her data, he just coded new data over it! But because of his Shoddy Coding Noone can pass the limits of Free city. So Guy has a plan, he recruits every NPC By telling them the Truth with Millie, their plan? Go on Strike! As the next day happens The players see no NPC as they can't rob anything! Mouser "Rats Out " (RIMSHOT!) Keys and Millie Because of something Guy said to Tatum-The True Identity of Molotov Girl-aka Millie Rusk- oh yeah, apparently her Avatar had a name the whole time.

Anton wants Millie's Avatar Dead, But Mouser Says her Spoofed Account is Iron-clad. So Anton wants to Turn off Respawning in Game. Mouser Tells Anton that if his customers are killed, Then it's over for that Account. But here's when Anton Does Act like Vince Russo-Literally Saying "WHO CARES, BRO?"

All of Mouser's Team Start Collapsing Reality, But Keys is on the inside, playing Spoiler. So Anton tells the Art Department to upload "THE DUDE", Despite being Half finished with 50% intelligence. While Anton Confesses that Key's "Stupid Game where Noone kills!" Wouldn't have made Money, With Proof Keys mashes one button to create a single bridge, But Anton has ordered every player account to be wiped from the Server just to destroy Millie. As Keys is thrown out, he Streams his Dismissal in Secret  including Anton's Mental Breakdown, By Unveiling The Dude, A Buff Amalgamation of Guy and Anton. Buddy Comes to the Rescue But gets knocked down like Guy's Sunglasses, He Crawls to Get them and he fights back with the Power of REFERENCES!

Not Game references, I Doubt Fox Would Even Get those!

So Guy defeats the Dude With Captain America's Shield ( With Chris Evans doing a Cameo), Hulk's fist a Lightsaber and they do have 2 gaming weapons, namely the Gravity Gun from Half-Life, and the Portal Gun from the Eponymous Game. They Tussle, Until Guy puts his Spare Sunglasses on the Dude, who is instantly distracted by all the pretty colours.

But Anton has a second plan-Destroy the Servers with his Axe. Causing parts of free City to be Deleted one at a time, even NPCS scream in pain and terror as they are erased, Bubby Sacrifices himself  by pushing Guy forward to tank a Deletion for his friend, to make sure Guy Crosses the Bridge As the World watches Free City being Destroyed.

So it all seems lost, But Guy has landed on a Tropical Island, So Millie makes a Deal with Anton, she will drop the Lawsuit if he hands over the Intellectual Rights of Live2Life back to her and Keys.

So let's Finish this!

Time Skip And Anton Without Power over people more capable than him, and Soonami Declares Bankruptcy when Free City 2 Flops. Life2live and Free City 1 have Combined into one World as Free Life-Powered by a kickstarter Company ran by Keys, Millie and Mouser. Millie longs on say Goodbye to Guy and when Guy tells her He loves Her, He Let's it be Known Key's Programmed Guy to Say that to finally Get It Out! On Free Life, Buddy is Revived, But Is kinda Sad when the Bank they work at no longer exists-So what do they do now? Guy puts a Jetpack on himself, gets Buddy to Hug him and tells him "Whatever They Want!"

THIS FILM SUCKS!

Despite the Great Last 10 minutes the First 100 Minutes are filled With Flat Stereotypes, Weak Jokes, and some of the Worst 3D Animation I've ever seen. It's thankfully Sparsely Used, But Even then it makes those Fake Mafia City Ads on Youtube look like Pixar in Comparison.

But there is One point That i Could not Ignore.

If this was a Film That was Produced by anyone else, This would be a Dumb Film About Video games Written by 40+plus People who never played Video games, But this is a film Created By Fox.

We are living in a More Dangerous Time than Any time War has Being Officially Declared. Sad to say it seems America has a Mass Shooting every month. Which Brings me to Why a Fox Film trying to be HAHA Funny about Video games Doesn't work.

If you are Reading this years later, you already Know who "THIS LITTLE BOY" Is. I will not be naming him directly, as to not humanize this Monster! But this School Shooter, BEGGED his Helicopter parents, the Type who give Money instead of Attention, to get him a gun for A GIFT. The same Gun he used to kill other Children in Oxford Massachusetts. His Journal was Found and Released showing Intricate Maps and Planning to Perform his Act. He made comments on How he had lost all hope on Humanity. On he will keep killing until the police would arrive. 

Every other News Outlet blamed his Parents, and Rightfully So, But FOX's Facebook ?

"Oh yeah-Dead Children-BUT WHAT VIDEO GAMES DID HE PLAY?"

So in conclusion-Free Guy-A stupid Film-made BY STUPID PEOPLE WITH A WITCHHUNTER ATTITUDE TO THE TOPIC OF THE FILM'S PREMISE!

CREDITS

Free Guy was Reviewed Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham. @RealEnli.mastodon.world and @REALENLI on Twitter.

With Media from

Free Guy

30 Rock

They Live

The Tom and Jerry Movie

One Punch Man

Free Guy is The Property Of 20th Century Fox. All Rights Reserved. All Images used belong to their  Respective Owners. 

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

Next time, we Do a Film that's actually Great....Which Historically Don't do so well on this Blog than any reviews that make me Angry.....It's time for a St Patrick's Day Special, With my review of Belfast!