Decay of a Dream. Chapter 2
What Price, Progress?
As quickly as the "Seeds" had buried into a continent each, as Quickly as their screws gathered material, no matter what it was, as quickly as the the sacks like filled Lungs pulsated under the weight of their Plunder, as quickly as the Terror and noise had started, it Stopped just as abruptly, the collective mass straining against the Fabric of the Lungs that overshadowed the run down hovel of a former BNB That Joe-Jack lived in and was hiding in.
Stumbling out, confused, Joe-Jack full of fear of what this "Lung" was, prodded it with one of his broad, Unwashed fingers.
With Comedic Timing , this is when It decided to
"POP!"
WITH A LOUD BANG! THE LUNG POPPED!
And inside, What a Religious person would call a miracle, as whatever was salvaged from the Excavating Process, in the Case of the Graveyard of his front Garden: stone, wood, The Bodies of his Father's victims, all where broken down to the atomic level with Technology beyond our understanding, and reconstituted into a grand Building of Sorts. And this was Done 6 more times on the planet with more Disasterous Results- Sydney Australia it's entire Population around the harbour area slain. In Africa whole Species, destroyed! And the South Pole, there was no justification for the Ecological damage There!
Soon Camera Spiders and Camera Hound Droids. Materialized from Portals. The Same Magictech that Stitched Camera Parts to Necrosis-ridden Flesh was now planting a Seed, that grew into a Plinth. Soon Sabaru was on the podium, with her G-Men, justifying that scarring the World was Done, as a gift from the Message of Hope, that was Created all those years ago, so there was no way, it was intentional for all the death that Took place today, because, she had just created 7 Galactic Academies, A School that will Train and House the Future and Hope of not just the Human Race, But of all Sentient beings!
They all Bought it! Much to Satanic Ostriches Disapproval.
So this is how the Fall of Society Starts, With Selfies taking with Their Destroyers.
Wot?
Not here! Let me Take you somewhere that not even Saburu can reach.
Joe-Jack was lead to a back-alley, where Eamonn looked from the Podium and saw the suspicious activity of his now Former Friends. His mind Poisoned by Manipulation and False Memories, He viewed his friends no more than Spiteful Vigilantes. He Grabbed Joe-Jack during an Ambush when the Shard in his Fist manifested a DVD! He lets go of his former ally and looked at the DVD, was there A Higher Power trying to tell him something? Or was this months review some kind of sick joke?
AND NOW! OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
Wow...This Cover tells me Nothing about this film or its plot!
It's Just Ryan Reynolds With a Paper Coffee cup and a Goldfish Bowl Smiling. Cropped In front of Explosions and Crazy Nonsense behind him, but it's Framed as a Group Shot From other Headshots, with Jodie Comer, Lil Rel Howery, A Guy in a Bunny Suit, and to Make Sure the Normies Know it's a Film about Dem Dar Vidja Games- we have a Nerd and a Influencer Douchebag. Also Reynolds On A Motorbike flying through the Air With Comer Straddling The Bike, Guns Blazing!
WHY IS THIS NOT THE COVER?
But Back to Video Games, And I Usually Pay No Mind to the Back of DVDs and any Blurb, But the Description had to be Made Fun of. You see the Plot of Free Guy is about the Populous of a Video Game becoming self aware. But the words used show that this is a Fox Film Who are Equally Ignorant And Combative To Video Games, Describe Ryan Reynolds' Character as a "Background PLAYER in a Video Game"
A Background PLAYER In A Game Where Real Players Play!
The Term The Forty plus aged Check Chaser who wrote this crap was looking for is NPC. It's not a new term and the Game that their News arm is always using to scapegoat all Games, GTA, is full of them, as is this Film, it's Apparent it's written by both a camp of Games Are Bad, M'Kay? And Parents Trying to be Down Wif Da Yuff!
So with that Said, Welcome to Free City, Home of Free Guy!
So Guy Explains That the Human players are Known as the Sunglasses People Who on this GTA-esque Game can Basically do what the Fuck they want, breaking laws and Still be thought as cool by the Populous.
Including Guy (Reynolds), A Bank Teller who is living his best life. He had a Flat, A Goldfish , A Best Friend, (Howery), There is one thing he doesn't have, and that's Someone in his life, Though 200 dollars for some Air Jordans would be nice too!
As a Bank Teller in A GTA-world, Robberies are like Clockwork for him that even robbed Is a minor inconvenience for him, (though the cops Disarm themselves when it happens) so instead they talk about a Barista that Guy is interested in.
In a Back Alley, A Masked Man is Accosted By A Mysterious Sunglasses Woman (Comer). The Man is a Hacker who has proof of Secret Levels and Source Codes. Getting what she wants she shoots the man dead. She walks past NPCS and mimics there Programmed Dialogue and into Guy while she is Singing Mariah Carey's Fantasy and this gets his attention not only because of how she looks. She Mocks what Guy usually says (Which is "Don't have a Good Day, have a Great Day!") But is shocked to hear him react to her Singing. Despite Buddy trying to tell him that she is a Sunglasses Person, he wants to at least try to ask her out. So he follows her to Train tracks where he is ran over.
In the real world, Millie (Also Comer) is a former Programmer who is suing the supposed "Creator" of Free City, before he can launch The Sequel to his game.
Guy wakes the Next day his Programming resetting, But here's the thing, He Remembers Dying, so he is Slowly becoming Self Aware, Even if it's Small Steps like Ordering something Different at the Coffee Shop, and even that gets a Shocking reaction.
The Daily Bank Robber Happens and Guy sees The Girl, so he goes to steal the Sunglasses from the Giant Black Male Robber, (it's Dwayne Johnson who was Uncredited) who in real life are 2 foul-mouthed 10 year old girls, Because VIDEO GAMES ARE BAD M'KAY!
Can you Get off that Fucking Horse for once, FOX?
So because Guy wants to talk to the Girl, He Accidentally kills the Player for their Sunglasses, He Runs out to put them on and ....
Something like that, it instead turns his Vision into a HUD and Minimap Designed by someone with ADHD!
He is now able to see the World as it is And interact with power ups and in game Money, Something that gets the Attention of the nerd from the cover, Keys. He shows his Friend Mouser the Footage from the game. At first Mouser thinks it's a Rouge Player who Somehow "Wrapped"his Avatar with an NPC skin skin ( this is a real Practice done by Modders) But as Admins on the Server it's there job to check it out!
After Buying the Sneakers, Guy goes to where he Died Yesterday and Sees Beyond the Tracks a Literal Backdoor, but before he can Go any further, Keys and Mouser, in their avatars of Stripper Cop and Bunny Suit Cop Calls him over thinking he is A player, Guy is confused about their demands to remove his skin, So he runs into a Burnt down block of flats, Which Mouser, as a developer can warp reality to get to Guy. But the Air Jordans literally have a Double Jump power up inside them Which Guy uses to Escape, and manifests a bubble suit when he descends. He claims to be invincible as he wriggles out, But gets ran over by Keys and Mouser's Police car.
They Log off, But Keys is Dumbfounded, The Number of players did not change. Mouser Does not want Keys to report to "Anton" who is too busy with the Sequel launch that he'll no doubt fire them for not Launching a perfect Game
PPPFFFFT!!!!!
That's not how you make money in video games in the 20s!
YOU HAVE TO SELL A GLITCHY HALF FINISHED GAMES FOR CHRISTMAS FOR €60 AND THEN SELL SOFTWARE PATCHES FOR A FIVER EACH TIME!
Mouser asks If Keys wants to go for a drink after work. But Keys Declines. Mouser Asks Why Keys, A Master Degree Recipient and a Former Studio owner is doing stuck as a Admin for this game, And he says it's a long story.... Which will now be told in flashback!
So Walter McKey and Millie Rusk use to be a team of Game Developers, Who's game Boasted AI that could evolve, But that Game was not going to be like GTA, But a Sandbox game, a Game that's not competitive or Mission based, but you can do the things you can do real life, Camp, build a house, Cook, fish, whatever you can do really. These games do exist and they do have their fans.
During an interview, Millie Foreshadows that she is a Glory-Seeker and That Keys is a Shy Guy who can't spit it out! And that they are not a Couple. And that their game will be published by Tsunami games.
HMMMMMM!
A Gaming Company Ran by Pieces of Shit, who are Named after a Natural Disaster?
I WONDER WHO THAT'S SUPPOSE TO BE?
And the Worst thing? It's probably not even a Real Slam Against Blizzard. Fox Probably Picked the name at random because it Sounded cool!
The Interview is played on Keys' TV despite Him just entering after being at work the whole time, who was watching that?
Turns out, it was Millie, Who is trying to get Keys to testify against Anton. But said had put an NDA on her Contacting his Employees, and For Record, as far as he knows, didn't steal Life2Live, he Bought it after it tanked!
Guy Wakes up the Next Day and changes his Outfit to something more Casual, Sure it's Still a Blue Shirt and Corduroy Slacks, But It's because his not Going to Work, Until he can talk to Millie, Who is trying to break into the Free City 2 Beta-Which Is Conceptualized as A Heavily guarded Mansion, Until Guy shows up and Blows her cover. Millie uses her Coding Know how to Make a Matrix-Style Armoury out of a blank space, But she Thinks Guy is just a Human with no idea how to play. He wants to Help But he doesn't want to Kill to Boost his Level, So Millie Suggests Discarding guns and Saving civilians to boost his level can work too!
We Have A montage of Guy Doing Just that, Doing good deeds and Disarming Players. While in the Real World, People are Taking Notice Fox and F(r)iends pretend to give a shit, Gamers are Complaining, Content Creators are Make Videos (With Cameos by Ninja and Jacksepticeye!) Even Kids are Cosplaying as Blue shirt Guy-even though the Game is NOT FOR CHILDREN!
Guy Goes to the bank and tries to Convince Buddy that he can change too and steals Glasses from a New Robber, But He Refuses to Join after Lecturing a Prostitute NPC to make better life choices. Guy keeps the new pair just in case.
Millie Calls Keys at, Work and he is Convinced To Help her break into the Beta, But only to confirm if his code was Stolen before Purchase, So he sneaks to the toilet to allow Millie into the Beta, She steals Source code, but It's Booby Trapped, Spawning Bodyguards as part of Anton's Security Protocol until Guy shows up and Takes them out, So Anton Spawns...Cowboys, Ninjas, Samurai and Boxers-DUH COS DEM HAVE VIDJA GAMES TOO, DON'T DEY?
Yeah They Do!
Just Not when that game in context is of a Modern Crime Ridden Los Angeles. Okay maybe the Boxer makes sense!
Face it! You Just wanted Costume dept. to have something to do!
Keys asks Millie Who are Talking You Too, and Confirms that there is no other Human Players there. Outnumbered, They smash through a Widow on a Bike before Hang-gliding out of there. Keys Gets a Message Informing him that Anton has just arrived at Tsunami-Which is spelled Soonami
BECOZ PUR LITRA-C IZ.....
...COMPLETELY PAR THE COURSE FOR A FILM DEMONIZING COMPUTER GAMES AND IT'S CULTURE!
Anton Finally Makes his presence felt and he's a Man-child who is EEJIT-LON, M SHITE SHITTYFILM, Uwe Boll and Vince Russo wrapped in a Child's Shark Slippers and Boxing Robe combined into a Ultimate Toolbox having a midlife crisis, and like the people I mentioned, he is a pompous Jackass who was lucky to make money, by working for the people who really had the ideas, Before convincing people of his crappy ones!
He's here to Discuss the Blue Shirt Guy Glitch, But he Doesn't want it fixed, He loves the Free Publicity his Game is getting, So he wants the Art department to make a Blue shirt guy Skin for Free City 2. Keys Confronts his Boss that he said Free City 2 was Backwards Compatible with Free City, Confirming that it is a Web Browser game Online, Not a game on Console. For those Clueless as the Writers of this film, Games online, never have to worry about being sequels, because Updates are made at intervals without having to close the game down completely to sell a new game.
Anton However is Going to shut Down the Whole Server, Wipe the slate Clean, expect every player to make new accounts to start from scratch in a new Game. WHY?
Because Keys Has this Problem with Speaking his mind, he turns down A promotion from Anton and then the Asshole says this!-
"OH THANK GOD! I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE PAYING YOU MORE,ANYWAY!"
ARE YOU SURE THIS FILM IS NOT REALLY ABOUT BLIZZARD?
Back in Free City, Millie Sees Guy who has leveled up his Apartment into a Batcave, But Millie is Convinced Guy is a Hacker
She drops it When Guy asks her if she wants to get some ice-cream. So They Go to the waterfront the safest part of this Open World Game.
And if you didn't find the Paradox in that last sentence, You are as Clueless on Modern Games as FUX NEWS ARE!
The Ice-cream man sells Bubblegum ice-cream, A Reminder that it's her Favourite Flavour. It seems that there are little in-jokes between Millie and Keys encoded in Free City. And it seems Millie is Falling for Guy.
Meanwhile Back at Soonami, Keys is going through the Game's Assets, Namely it's Base Coding on it looks and Acts. He sees some changes in the NPC's who interacted with Guy, But he opens Guys File and his programming rivals that of A full game itself and it's getting smarter. Millie kisses Guy after being candid about her Childhood. As she gets a knock on the door.
It's Keys and he is now convinced Anton Bombed Life2Live to steal their coding. Guy is starting to change the people around him, The Barista had started serving Cappuccino (OFF SCREEN) And The Prosecute is writing Anti-Patriarchal journal entries (OFF SCREEN) Millie confesses to kissing Guy, But Keys pretends to care, because they are "Just Friends"
The Next-day, Millie shows Guy what lies Beyond the Backdoor. Millie Doesn't spare Guys feelings, His World is a Game and in two days time, Free City will cease to Exist! Naturally being told you are Living in The Matrix , Your life is a lie, And you Feelings are not real and you too would go mad from the Revelation!
After trying in vain to get NPCS to change, He Goes to Buddy's and asks him what he would do what he was told what he was told.
Buddy takes it well, and says he wouldn't care, His Human Form isn't real, But his Humanity is. Doing what's right and feeling how you feel is The Realest thing in the World. And it's all that matters.
Breaking into Beta, they meet a Security guard who is Channing Tatum, who is really a Nerd running a Stream.
Film, you have Real Streamers in your film. YOU PAID REAL STREAMERS TO BE IN YOUR FILM, SO YOU KNOW STREAMERS DON'T LOOK LIKE BASEMENT DWELLERS ANYMORE!
Excited that a Legend has Appeared on his Stream. Tatum let's Guy take the data he was Guarding. It's already patched and Encrypted so take it. There is one Favour though, He wants to be Killed by Blue Shirt Guy for Clout!
When he Refuses, That's when FOX decides to just pile more Firewood on their Anti Video game Bonfire!
Channing's User is Using a Game's Chatroom To Groom Children!
.....
Talking to Millie's Logged off Avatar, until she returns and He has changed his mind. He wants to save his world. When she logs in, he gives Millie the Data!
The Amount of Press That Guy is Getting in the Real World is making people consider playing the Game without killing-Something that Pisses off Anton-If people are still playing Free City 1-they won't Pay for Free City 2. So Anton Orders to Wipe the Server. It Freezes Everyone in place except guy. Just before he was going to tell Millie where he Saw Live2life on City after she shows him Data. Everyone is deleted and rebooted to their Original Programming. Millie Returns to Convince Guy but For a Programmer she forgets that Guy needs Sunglasses to be Convinced.
But There is Hope, Keys phones Millie to tell her, That Guy's AI is so advanced now his Programming Now acts like Amnesia to the Wiping-The Memories are still there, So she kidnaps Guy give him spare Sunglasses and Kisses him working like a Reserve Superman Kiss!
So Guy Shows Millie where he has seen Life2live, he Angles his Metallic Blinders in his Apartment, to catch the light turning Free City Outside into a Tropical Island. Millie Realises that Anton was too Stupid and too lazy to make a game from her data, he just coded new data over it! But because of his Shoddy Coding Noone can pass the limits of Free city. So Guy has a plan, he recruits every NPC By telling them the Truth with Millie, their plan? Go on Strike! As the next day happens The players see no NPC as they can't rob anything! Mouser "Rats Out " (RIMSHOT!) Keys and Millie Because of something Guy said to Tatum-The True Identity of Molotov Girl-aka Millie Rusk- oh yeah, apparently her Avatar had a name the whole time.
Anton wants Millie's Avatar Dead, But Mouser Says her Spoofed Account is Iron-clad. So Anton wants to Turn off Respawning in Game. Mouser Tells Anton that if his customers are killed, Then it's over for that Account. But here's when Anton Does Act like Vince Russo-Literally Saying "WHO CARES, BRO?"
All of Mouser's Team Start Collapsing Reality, But Keys is on the inside, playing Spoiler. So Anton tells the Art Department to upload "THE DUDE", Despite being Half finished with 50% intelligence. While Anton Confesses that Key's "Stupid Game where Noone kills!" Wouldn't have made Money, With Proof Keys mashes one button to create a single bridge, But Anton has ordered every player account to be wiped from the Server just to destroy Millie. As Keys is thrown out, he Streams his Dismissal in Secret including Anton's Mental Breakdown, By Unveiling The Dude, A Buff Amalgamation of Guy and Anton. Buddy Comes to the Rescue But gets knocked down like Guy's Sunglasses, He Crawls to Get them and he fights back with the Power of REFERENCES!
Not Game references, I Doubt Fox Would Even Get those!
So Guy defeats the Dude With Captain America's Shield ( With Chris Evans doing a Cameo), Hulk's fist a Lightsaber and they do have 2 gaming weapons, namely the Gravity Gun from Half-Life, and the Portal Gun from the Eponymous Game. They Tussle, Until Guy puts his Spare Sunglasses on the Dude, who is instantly distracted by all the pretty colours.
But Anton has a second plan-Destroy the Servers with his Axe. Causing parts of free City to be Deleted one at a time, even NPCS scream in pain and terror as they are erased, Bubby Sacrifices himself by pushing Guy forward to tank a Deletion for his friend, to make sure Guy Crosses the Bridge As the World watches Free City being Destroyed.
So it all seems lost, But Guy has landed on a Tropical Island, So Millie makes a Deal with Anton, she will drop the Lawsuit if he hands over the Intellectual Rights of Live2Life back to her and Keys.
So let's Finish this!
Time Skip And Anton Without Power over people more capable than him, and Soonami Declares Bankruptcy when Free City 2 Flops. Life2live and Free City 1 have Combined into one World as Free Life-Powered by a kickstarter Company ran by Keys, Millie and Mouser. Millie longs on say Goodbye to Guy and when Guy tells her He loves Her, He Let's it be Known Key's Programmed Guy to Say that to finally Get It Out! On Free Life, Buddy is Revived, But Is kinda Sad when the Bank they work at no longer exists-So what do they do now? Guy puts a Jetpack on himself, gets Buddy to Hug him and tells him "Whatever They Want!"
THIS FILM SUCKS!
Despite the Great Last 10 minutes the First 100 Minutes are filled With Flat Stereotypes, Weak Jokes, and some of the Worst 3D Animation I've ever seen. It's thankfully Sparsely Used, But Even then it makes those Fake Mafia City Ads on Youtube look like Pixar in Comparison.
But there is One point That i Could not Ignore.
If this was a Film That was Produced by anyone else, This would be a Dumb Film About Video games Written by 40+plus People who never played Video games, But this is a film Created By Fox.
We are living in a More Dangerous Time than Any time War has Being Officially Declared. Sad to say it seems America has a Mass Shooting every month. Which Brings me to Why a Fox Film trying to be HAHA Funny about Video games Doesn't work.
If you are Reading this years later, you already Know who "THIS LITTLE BOY" Is. I will not be naming him directly, as to not humanize this Monster! But this School Shooter, BEGGED his Helicopter parents, the Type who give Money instead of Attention, to get him a gun for A GIFT. The same Gun he used to kill other Children in Oxford Massachusetts. His Journal was Found and Released showing Intricate Maps and Planning to Perform his Act. He made comments on How he had lost all hope on Humanity. On he will keep killing until the police would arrive.
Every other News Outlet blamed his Parents, and Rightfully So, But FOX's Facebook ?
"Oh yeah-Dead Children-BUT WHAT VIDEO GAMES DID HE PLAY?"
So in conclusion-Free Guy-A stupid Film-made BY STUPID PEOPLE WITH A WITCHHUNTER ATTITUDE TO THE TOPIC OF THE FILM'S PREMISE!
CREDITS
Free Guy was Reviewed Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham. @RealEnli.mastodon.world and @REALENLI on Twitter.
With Media from
Free Guy
30 Rock
They Live
The Tom and Jerry Movie
One Punch Man
Free Guy is The Property Of 20th Century Fox. All Rights Reserved. All Images used belong to their Respective Owners.
NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
Next time, we Do a Film that's actually Great....Which Historically Don't do so well on this Blog than any reviews that make me Angry.....It's time for a St Patrick's Day Special, With my review of Belfast!
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