Eamonn Reviews Gemini Man Part 2

 (PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!....)

Eamonn's Career and life of a Great hero is a lie! He is unwittingly being used by a Duplicitous Creature called a Mara, named Sabaru. Tearing up his friendship with Joe-Jack, and Spinning it as Jealousy, Joe-Jack, aided by a freed Satanic Ostrich, crossed planets and made Allies to uncover some of the lies, But the pieces are now set. As The mara created 7 colleges for Heroes, but what does a Mara a fear feaster, need with an army set on bringing hope to the world?

Meanwhile, Confused on what is going on, Eamonn reviewed Gemini Man, a Film where Will Smith, faces the biggest threat of his life, A Second Will Smith!)

So Part 2 Starts with Henry Brogan (Smith), Breaking into Danni's (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) hut, To make her Coffee: She's gonna need it to be Alert, Because the Agents who came for him, will come for her next! Get Dressed, It's your First Day as a Fugitive.

Danni goes to the Boat-shop to Hijack a Top of the line Speed boat, Only to be attacked and told to tell him where Brogan is or "Tell him 5 minutes later, Minus your Teeth!" Danni is ragdolled by this larger man, But does turn it around after a shot to the kneecap. The Agent's threats are turned around on him, Whem Henry finds her, she has 2 things for him, the name "Lassiter" and a Fist full of Pulled Teeth!

Now, I'm not sure if Lassiter is the Women with no Personality or the heavy handed parody of Corporate Murica played by Serial Scenery chewer Clive Owen!, But help literally comes in high places in the Portly Shape of "The Baron"(Benedict Wong) Another Former Ace, as evidenced by a 3rd Ace of Spades tattoo on his wrist. A Pilot, now tour guide who will help them escape, To his off Grid Airspace.

Brogan calls Senator Patterson to demand Answers. Yes, Gemini had Hired the Biologist Brogan killed, Yes, Janet Lassiter and Clay Varis are Double Agents. Baron and Brogan, while all three are hiding in Columbia, explain to Danni that Gemini are a Terrorist Cell under the Guise of a Private Security Company owned by Varis. Gemini has all it's proverbial Fingers in the Proverbial Pies. Terrorism, kidnapping, Executions, Name any Military offensive in the past 20 years, and it was Gemini the whole time. Varis is a real piece of Work, he, once in a training Exercise, put Weights on Henry, Who once Drowned previously and had a Fear put on him. So when Varis "Saved" him he Made Henry indebted to Join Gemini!

Once Again, a sniper Trails Our Heroes So Brogan Goes to take him out. Henry is shocked to look down the scope of his gun and see his face down the other end.

DUN DUN....OH WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS FILM WAS SOLD ON THE PREMISE OF "WILL SMITH VS WILL SMITH"

So one High Speed Chase which ends with a ridiculous scene of "Gemini" Karate Kicking a Motorbike into Brogan, and Brogan is Arrested.

And.... Gemini Has Teleportation Powers!

No Seriously! The Chase Ended on the Middle of  a Bridge over a White-water River. Gemini was going to Stab Henry with a Knife, The Police arrived, Henry turned for five seconds, and Gemini was gone, leaving only a baseball cap!

Posing as A diplomat, Danni Gets Henry out of Prison, Henry Needs to contact this Yuri Kovacks in Budapest. Baron's Aztec is not Powerful enough for a Transatlantic Flight, But he does have a Connection, One that lands the Heroes a FUCKING PRIVATE JET!

As Danni Tends to Henry's Wounds she asks him the Elephant in the room: Does he have a son? Back in Georgia, Varis tends to Gemini's (Also Smith) wounds and Gemini speaks of Henry as someone earned his respect, not hatred.

Will Smith Sucking off Will Smith!

THAT'S NOT TOO HARD TO BELIEVE!

And to Really Raise the creep factor, we see a photo of Varis and a younger "Junior" as a child on a fishing trip.

Cut to next Morning and Gemini Training Compound is shown with exercise drills and Crowds of Actors in a Hostage taking exercise, all the while Gemini looks on Bored eating an Icecream Cone!

Varis Tells Gemini to move out to Budapest.

Danni had food from Henry's Plate, a blood sample and the Cap left behind from Gemini to get DNA Tested. the Results are conclusive! Gemini is Henry's clone!

In a Spa, our heroes interview Yuri Kovacs, KGB Agent! Henry was sent to kill Dr Krusneck in Belgium, Because he wouldn't allow Varis to use his Breakthrough Cloning technique, One that Purges Conscience and Pain from a Clone's Memory and was going to go Public to the police.

Somehow Agreeing with Kovacs idea to Coerce Gemini, Henry uses a Bike Courier to send a Message of Intent to Janet Lassister, Courier reads out her address and Daily Routine. Now I Would be shocked and offended that some Bike Bozo was loudly doxxing me in public in front of strangers, but what's this actor's reaction?

She gets a phonecall from Henry telling her snipers are at her 10 and 2 positions and that Her Agent (Danni) is under his protection. However he expects no Legal recourse or Vengeance by the DIA on her return home to America.

...All this talk of Danni's safety is thrown into a woodchipper however, as their plan is to draw out Gemini is to use Henry's own attraction to Danni and Gemini's teenage Hormones against Varis.

After a Very...awkward Strip search, Junior takes the bait literally, who tries to use the attraction Acquired from the real Henry, to Coerce Junior from Varis' Control, But Gemini is still the Clone of possibly the Most Efficient, pragmatic sniper to ever do it. But Despite Booby trapping a catacomb, being armed with night vision and a gasmask, the most effective course of action is a simple plan A: Attack Very Hard!

Gemini is now Henry's prisoner, and Confronts him about Varis, Not factoring that Varis has raised him as a son and not a weapon, leading to a fight that ends with them pushing eachother into an Aqueduct. The clone has one advantage over Henry-HE CAN SWIM! Danni drags Henry out and it's revealed his Shoulder is Busted-A sniper with a Compromised arm is like a table with 3 legs-not fit for Purpose!

Varis is Confronted by Junior about the truth. that his life is a lie. But Varis retaliates that his life is better than Henry's because Junior has the one thing Henry didn't; A father who Didn't try to kill him expecting the best from him, 

But he Does expect the best from Junior, The Only Difference is that Junior has a Whole life time of experience with a life of pain.

Knowing that Varis was in Georgia the whole time, the heroes storm a Farmhouse front only for Junior to shoot Henry with a Tranq Dart full of Bee Venom, which he is deathly allergic too. Junior uses a Epi-pen to Cure Henry. He did it, solely to be sure Henry was telling the truth about the cloning. And with trust earned, Junior lets Henry in on the secret to why he can track Henry so well, in a scar on his bicep, from a surgery 3 years prior, Varis ordered the Doctors to place a tracking device. 

Getting in a van to take the fight to The rest of Gemini, Junior gets a call on his intercom from Varis himself, a one worded warning:

 "RUN!"

It's soon Apparent, though too late for Baron, what Varis meant. As an armed Gemini Unit shoots a rocket launcher at the van, Killing Baron, who was too fat to run.

Danni and Henry are forced to Dodge machine gun rounds, this film devolving to a cut scene from a FPS! Junior confronts his father, about for all the talk of loving him, this is how he wants him back, by treating him as a piece of stolen government property, to be retrieved, DEAD OR ALIVE! Henry has one bullet left, so he apologizes to Danni for dragging her in this deep. But Junior rescues them, But there is bad news, He just couldn't bring himself to kill his father!

That's when A masked Man attacks the heroes with Kung fu and is Covered in nigh impenetrable armour, only after being electrocuted, after being set on fire and activating the Once-stocked Chemist's Sprinklers, does the masked man goes down. Henry pulls off the mask to see...A second Clone, one created from The Advanced Program- the one that could remove Pain and Morality from Memory. When Danni asks if he felt pain, the second clone stares Blankly before dying!

Varis appears from behind to Filibust. Junior Points a Gun to End his father, But Henry steps in. However Junior has a point. If he Gets Arrested, what Then? He'll only use his connections to be freed, or worse, an enemy state will free Varis and he'll Turn Traitor and just start again in another country.

 Henry Tells Junior he doesn't want the guilt on Killing his father on Him, so Junior hands the Gun to Henry....AND HENRY KILLS VARIS RIGHT IN FRONT OF JUNIOR!

Good Job Jackass, Now he had the Guilt of not being able to save him!

Now lets Finish this!

Henry now says his goodbyes to the now Disgraced Senator Len Patterson, Who may get a plea deal if he testifies against Lassister, Now that most of Gemini is made Public Knowledge. Henry and Danni are seeing each other and Junior, Now calling himself "Clay Jackson" has enrolled in college with Henry here to give Clay his Falsified Passport and Birth Certificate. And So Our film ends with them Arguing like a family over Clay's Major.

I'VE SEEN WORSE, BUT I'VE ALSO SEEN BETTER!

First Things First, Compliments, and there is a lot to Compliment. Smith is firmly supported Mary Elizabeth Winsted as a wisecracking caretaker turned Lover, Clive Owen as a "boo-hiss" Villain. (At this point, Owen's scenery chewing is Terminal!) and Benedict Wong as a Jovial Comic Relief all Support the star well. The Script is Compentant and Not too Ridiculous, (UNTIL IT GETS RIDICULOUS!) Ang Lee Directed this and there are Action scenes that stand out, Including chase see during a Holiday of Sorts in Columbia with Bunting and Decoration everywhere, and yet you could still pick out what was happening was a sequence that stood out!

But let's not forget that This film is nothing more than an Ego Wank for Mr Big Willy Style! It Smacks of "GOD, DON'T I WISH MY SON WASN'T SO SHIT AT ACTING!" And the Breakneck pacing is another issue:  For example, Henry tells Lassister, that Danni is under his protection, only to use her as bait in the next scene, or When Henry tells Junior, not to have the death of Varis haunting him, Only to kill Clay Varis himself: that's not my Comedic Exaggeration. that's exactly how it happened!

In the end this film also fails on delivering it's premise of "Will Smith versus Will Smith". With Junior making a face turn very Quickly. Mind you I did like the Subversion of my expectations when an Allergy was Introduced, thinking that would be the Killing Shot to kill Gemini, long before the change of Allegiances. 

A competently written film, and that's the last thing you want Megastars to be attached to.

CREDITS

Gemini Man was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited in two parts by Eamonn Bermingham.

With Media from:

Gemini Man

In Bruges

MST3K

Gemini Man is the Property of Paramount. All rights reserved. All Media used Belong to their respective owners.

(AND NOW.....THE CONTINUATION OF OUR STORY

Decay of a Dream.

Final chapter.

ALMOST ALL OF THE TRUTH.

(The Express Train to Hell Shuddered to a Stop, As Joe-jack and Ostrich touched solid ground. The Station was a Bustling Souk, Not unlike all those Programs about Mother Theresa Mammie would watch , thought Joe-Jack. The Ekata People where exactly what Satan described: Humanoids with Animal features, like the anthros on Harmonus, But with Either plants growing out of them or Metal or Stone jutting out of them. They were all dressed in Indian Style Garb. 

"OI WASN'T EXPECTIN' T'BE DIS PACKED!"

"YOU'LL FIND THAT WISDOM ALWAYS COMES AT A PRICE! LET'S JUST HOPE IT REMAINS FINANCAL!

They pushed throngs of people, to get a viewing platform of a Mountain. The Mountains shook and changed the message carved on each face. The people reading it, were divided at the message.

"WOT DOES IT SAY? I CAN'T READ DER LANGUAGE! "

"It Says "LIVE WITH DESPAIR, BUT DO NOT LIVE IN DESPAIR!"

All that threading 87 other Earfs to get here, just fer that?

"Excusing me" Said an Etaka dressed like a police officer, he looked like a Moustached Capauchin Monkey. "But Am I in Understanding that you two are Coming from the Earth number 1?

"AND WOT IF WE IS?"

"You are Hereby, Here and Now, In the Custody of The great seer of the Mountains of Truth. Please and Thank you very much not to Escape!"

"Well, Joe-Jack, you wanted answers, nothing better than some Holyman thinking he knows the Score."

(Our heroes were marched into a Mosque like Palace. Soon they were Standing in the presence of a Stag headed Humanoid, his antlers morphing from the bone connecting his head, into wood that blossomed into leaves and flowers.)

So, you are the travellers from Earth 1. I know why you came here!

Yes, we came to save our fr...

-HE IS BEYOND SAVING! YOUR WORLD IS BEYOND SAVING!

-w...WHAT?

-As the Seer of the Mountains I see all the true meanings of the platitudes of the Mountains in my dreams, long before they are formed on the sides of the Mountains. I've seen what will happen! A Great Despair as come to Your Planet from Hope, It has Tricked your People into thinking it is a good omen, Soon a Faked truce will plunge the World into Despair....It will change.....People......Dissssspair......LIVE IN DISSSS......####''''''''

Something terrible happened to the seer....as he was getting upset.....His Negativity transformed his Body, removing the Humanoid elements and making him more beast Like, Soon Standing like a Stag with dead wood Antlers, tentacles bursting from his exposed Spinal chord. and Rows and rows of teeth from a extended jaw-line.

DESSSSSSS......PAIR! The creature ROARED Before Joe-jack Shot it Stone dead!

"So that's her Game"

"WOT IS....WOT WAS DAT YOKE?"

"That, my unwashed friend is someone filled with so much Despair via Magic, it warps the Body like a virus, changing what was into something to suit it's needs."

"He said that this will happen to ever'one back home! But of we are here...."

-THEN IT'S PROBABLY TOO LATE!

STARTING NEXT WEEK AND INTO MAY!

THE GRINDHOUSE TRIPLE FEATURE FORMAT RETURNS TO THE SEASON FINALE CONCLUDES THE STORYLINE.

BOGGERBOXOFFICE PRESENTS.

STAN HELSING.

BIG FAT IMPORTANT MOVIE.

AND THE SLAMMIN' SALMON!

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ALL INTO MAY!

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