(PREVIOUSLY ON VALERIAN,
....This Year's Ticket to Hell and the first Chapter to Sabotage By Sleep Started by ripping the holy hell out of Valerian, a Pet Project of a Comic no one who spoke English ever read! We join Space-cops Valerian and Laureline, who have come to work on a market planet to pick-up a converter in a heist that's about to go wrong!)
Meanwhile at Laureline's end of the heist, she shoots a guard with a brain-jack- a device that lets a soldier wearing a visor take control of his body.
Despite the Market being completely Augmented Reality, real buildings hold more off brand shops, guarded by the locals, Valerian sneaks off from the tour tailing 2 cloaked figures, the officer on the inside, Cooper, cloaks Valerian and arms with a gun that looks like a pet-carrier.
In the shop, Jabba's Cousin does business with the 2 cloaked figures, who are Princess Liho and a second Lohrian, so Naturally that means, the Converter is the species of Pearl-Shitting Anteaters! They pay the Crime-boss with a pearl, but there is a flaw in that plan, now he knows the Pearl-Shitter can Shit Pearls, so why would he be content with just one? Makes you wonder if they had being feeding it, at all this whole time?
Laureline gets the Converter, but Valerian pockets the pearl for himself, it sets off the alien dog and it's a disaster, since it looks like a tourist having sunstroke in the real world, catching attention, Cooper dies saving Valerian's ass, to make matters worse, the "Box" has glitched so it looks like a box floating around the AR making him a Target for a Magnetic Ball Bearing Gun!
However the extra weight makes the resourceful space-cop used the box to smash into a sewer into...a toy shop?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVZ2vk3PYPE
Meanwhile at Laureline's end of the heist, she shoots a guard with a brain-jack- a device that lets a soldier wearing a visor take control of his body.
Despite the Market being completely Augmented Reality, real buildings hold more off brand shops, guarded by the locals, Valerian sneaks off from the tour tailing 2 cloaked figures, the officer on the inside, Cooper, cloaks Valerian and arms with a gun that looks like a pet-carrier.
In the shop, Jabba's Cousin does business with the 2 cloaked figures, who are Princess Liho and a second Lohrian, so Naturally that means, the Converter is the species of Pearl-Shitting Anteaters! They pay the Crime-boss with a pearl, but there is a flaw in that plan, now he knows the Pearl-Shitter can Shit Pearls, so why would he be content with just one? Makes you wonder if they had being feeding it, at all this whole time?
Laureline gets the Converter, but Valerian pockets the pearl for himself, it sets off the alien dog and it's a disaster, since it looks like a tourist having sunstroke in the real world, catching attention, Cooper dies saving Valerian's ass, to make matters worse, the "Box" has glitched so it looks like a box floating around the AR making him a Target for a Magnetic Ball Bearing Gun!
However the extra weight makes the resourceful space-cop used the box to smash into a sewer into...a toy shop?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVZ2vk3PYPE
So After using a toygun with a real bullet, Valerian escapes by rebounding the magnets on to a bounty-hunter, Valerian finds Laureline who frees his hand from the box, however the crime Lord gets desperate and unleashes an Invisible beast on Big market.
However despite have a brainjacked Gunner on side, the Beast tears through the bus, like it's papier Mache Worst still it attacks the Alex, but Valerian's ship reaches Escape Velocity and the beast falls like Wile E Coyote!
Laureline takes the Converter out and it's a small frail baby. It's Striped so Laureline names it Tiger. She cares for it by putting it in what can only be called a Medical Microwave!
Valerian asks Alex, the ships computer to analyse the pearl, turns out the pearls are rare not just for their beauty, but the pearl-shitters Shit out pearls with a 200 megaton Nuclear yield! And the mermaids where using this atomic Poop to wash their faces! Valerian asks Alex where the converters come from. Alex tells Val it came from Planet "Mule" despite the first scene after the flashback calling it "Lohr"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_hUZEuSGA4
....a planet that was destroyed 30 years ago and it's file classified.
As Val once again tries to make Laureline his dance partner for the Mattress Mambo! Alex enters Alpha's air Space, Alpha is split into four zones:
The South- An ocean where Aquatic Aliens farm food and Biofeul.
The North- A toxic Wasteland harbouring Hypersensitive Psychics
The East- A Hive of the Technorganic Species that control Finance
And the West-The Slums where Humanity and Everyone else shuffle around in a smog- breathing sunless pitiful existence!
So at Base, the heroes are told of the situation. On the Bowels of Alpha, trapped Poisonous Gases are Threatening all on board, so under the supervision of Commander Phillips (Clive Owen) the Converter has being obtained to do it's thing and save everyone!
...and create a cast supply of 100s, if not 1000s of tiny warheads. Why hasn't Valerian pointed that out? Just a minute ago a Crime-boss was about to have Invisible beasts kill an entire marketplace of civillians for one pearl? Why never bring that up?
I'M AFRAID THAT QUESTION IS NEVER BROUGHT UP! BUT TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE BECAUSE....WE ARE ONLY THIRTY MINUTES INTO THIS FILM...THAT HAS AN HOUR LEFT!
ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!
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