Sabaru
It's a word most won't know, but a concept that everyone has felt once or twice.
It means...
Sabotage By Sleep
A feeling that the mind wants to do something that the body can't.
That Feeling where there is not enough time in the day to do anything!
So you just end up doing nothing....
And for the longest time with Universe reset after the events of Heavenscar, that was the case. Heavenscar was gone. the Breach in the Universe that it was safeguarding gone, all the denizens from the other universes, Back to whenst they came.
Eighties Lad....Gone
His Body....Possibly used By Rage til kingdom Come!
So this is where we stand...Square one! with a man down
Sure i Still have the Devil's Dvd Lodged in my Power Glove, Gae Dearg (Which is definatly NOT AN IRON MAN TOY!) And an entire salvo of Earth 2 tech. But we always pulled through as a 3 man team, Joe-jack 80's Lad and I,
How am i going to deal this time
.....when an asteroid is gonna hit earth in one year?
AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
Long ago...I reviewed the Magic Roundabout...those who watch RebelTaxi will recognize it as Dougal...a Americanized version with no relation to it's British Dub or it's source material
So how was this possible? How did a harmless French Pre-school animation, become dubbed into A British Cult Favourite with Drug Undertones- to an American Pop Culture dump with Fart Jokes?
It's not hard it's just things easily get lost in translation, and not every piece of media, no matter how good, sometimes never get past the Language barrier.
Case in point- the source Material of this year's Ticket To Hell: The Comic Series Valerian Et Laureline
BACKSTORY!
With an Impressive run from 1967 to 2010, the comic creation of Jean-Claude Mezieres and Pierre Christin, told the story of Time Travelling Space Policeman Valerian and his Time Displaced Platonic Partner, Laureline, who protect Earth's Galaxity Empire, the timeline, thrawt villians, repopulate planets, and every so often, put Laureline in a sexy costume, Just Because!
If the artwork looks a lot like the Fifth Element, Well it's because Luc Besson's inspiration was this series, in fact when Besson's was producing this film, he asked his hero Mezieres to create some of the backdrops and Vehicles
This films announcement was ignored in English speaking countries, but in France, people were excited. After all, this was an IP that spanned 6 decades, that is said to have inspired star wars visuals,that was satirical and telling adult stories to children in a way they would understand, that only now, we are now catching up. It also made real world impact, as Laureline is Neologism in Action, Meaning it's a made-up name!
So with an Adaptation by Hollywood's most visual Director, a film Of his childhood comic, with the blessing and collaboration of his heroes...How could they FUCK THIS UP SO BAD?
So let's dig into Valerian and the city of a thousand planets and find out. This is this year's Ticket to hell!
One issue I have with Besson, is much like Michael Bay, he would spend too much money on effect and hire nobody actors on the cheap...so playing the Dark Skinned rugged Valerian...is Male Model and Pretty Boy Man Noodle, Dale DeHaan, who as a single scar on his Nivea caked Visoog!
Next to him, Cara Dela- Whatever with her hairdryer set to stun! Their armour is a metallic black that gradients into a landscape of the emponymous city in a very neat visual effect. At the bottom we have Rihanna, more on here later, some mermaids with legs, Clive Owen in a Clockwork bib, The 3 SpaceJews and an attempt to market teddies for the kids and space ship, The Alex, that looks the millennium falcon but since this inspired Star Wars, IMMA LET IT SLIDE!
The film starts in flashback in 1975, in the international space station above Earth real-life footage show amercian astronauts welcome Russian Comsonauts after cold war tensions. Cut to 2020 and China do the same, eleven years later India, Saudi Arabia, Kenya, Sweeden and Japan join, docking there ships to the spacestation. When Alien life comes to Earth, many species make themselves known, to the point that the spacestation is now a city of docked spaceships, the sheer mass next to Earth's Gravity is a risk, so it goes into the vastness of space, as Alpha, A city of 1000 planets cultures, a symbol of Earth's peace and Diversity with other cultures.
Isn't that nice?
I sure nothing bad will happen in the next five minutes!
400 years later on the planet Lohr, a tropical planet inhabited by Mermaids with legs. The Lohrians are a tribal race who farm pearls...actually they farm creatures who produce the pearls, these anteaters who shit them after being feed! Just a scene ago we saw Princess Liho wash her face with these pearls!
Well it doesn't matter where the pearls come from, all that matters is someone has invaded Lohr for them! The army led by the king and queen, are just savages with Spears enter the ship, except this is not an invasion force, it's a remote controlled slave galleon!
However the Lohrians have a trick in their transparent jellyfish like heads, they are psychic so Liho transmits a message as a dream to a sleeping Valerian on Holiday in a Yves Saint Laurel Commercial, Already in Progress! Actually it's a holodeck and excuse to put to models in Swimwear. Turns out today is Laureline's birthday and Valerian (Who, in the source material, NEVER had romantic feelings for her) has forgotten it!
So as I mentioned, Laureline is a girl from the middle ages, that saved Valerian when he went back in time, in the origin story this is not an origin story, as evident by this piece of nonsense, apparently somehow, this Middle Age era girl, who probably was illiterate, is somehow a college graduate
Anyway Valerian is bit of player, so since this is not an origin story, I'm gonna treat this film like an extension of their previous adventures, including Heroes of The Equinox, which saw Valerian beat 3 other candidates to Repopulate a planet, so yeah, down boy!
Landing on the Desert Planet, Khimerah, and changing into ridiculous clothes (they look like Backing dancers in a Vanilla Ice Video....to go with Dehaan's Vanilla everything else!) They join a batallion of soldiers enter a citedal to find a creature called a " Convertor"
Big Market is an Augmented Reality hosted in what is really an empty courtyard, which can only be seen and touched by special helmets and gloves- it's an interesting concept kinda like if the Internet had a physical form!
What I don't like is that since this is a Souk on a desert planet in a sci-fi film based on a satirical comic from the 60s means we have white actors in exaggerated and very racist Muslim garb like oversized Turbans!
WILL VALERIAN GET IN LAURELINE 'S GOOD BOOKS...OR HER KNICKERS...OR BOTH!
WHAT IS THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THIS MISSION AND PLANET LOHR!
WILL EITHER OF THE LEADS LEARN TO EMOTE IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO WRITE PART 2? PROBALLY NOT, BUT FIND OUT THE ANSWERS TO THE OTHER QUESTIONS...
NEXT WEEK AND ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!
So how was this possible? How did a harmless French Pre-school animation, become dubbed into A British Cult Favourite with Drug Undertones- to an American Pop Culture dump with Fart Jokes?
It's not hard it's just things easily get lost in translation, and not every piece of media, no matter how good, sometimes never get past the Language barrier.
Case in point- the source Material of this year's Ticket To Hell: The Comic Series Valerian Et Laureline
BACKSTORY!
With an Impressive run from 1967 to 2010, the comic creation of Jean-Claude Mezieres and Pierre Christin, told the story of Time Travelling Space Policeman Valerian and his Time Displaced Platonic Partner, Laureline, who protect Earth's Galaxity Empire, the timeline, thrawt villians, repopulate planets, and every so often, put Laureline in a sexy costume, Just Because!
If the artwork looks a lot like the Fifth Element, Well it's because Luc Besson's inspiration was this series, in fact when Besson's was producing this film, he asked his hero Mezieres to create some of the backdrops and Vehicles
This films announcement was ignored in English speaking countries, but in France, people were excited. After all, this was an IP that spanned 6 decades, that is said to have inspired star wars visuals,that was satirical and telling adult stories to children in a way they would understand, that only now, we are now catching up. It also made real world impact, as Laureline is Neologism in Action, Meaning it's a made-up name!
So with an Adaptation by Hollywood's most visual Director, a film Of his childhood comic, with the blessing and collaboration of his heroes...How could they FUCK THIS UP SO BAD?
So let's dig into Valerian and the city of a thousand planets and find out. This is this year's Ticket to hell!
One issue I have with Besson, is much like Michael Bay, he would spend too much money on effect and hire nobody actors on the cheap...so playing the Dark Skinned rugged Valerian...is Male Model and Pretty Boy Man Noodle, Dale DeHaan, who as a single scar on his Nivea caked Visoog!
Next to him, Cara Dela- Whatever with her hairdryer set to stun! Their armour is a metallic black that gradients into a landscape of the emponymous city in a very neat visual effect. At the bottom we have Rihanna, more on here later, some mermaids with legs, Clive Owen in a Clockwork bib, The 3 SpaceJews and an attempt to market teddies for the kids and space ship, The Alex, that looks the millennium falcon but since this inspired Star Wars, IMMA LET IT SLIDE!
The film starts in flashback in 1975, in the international space station above Earth real-life footage show amercian astronauts welcome Russian Comsonauts after cold war tensions. Cut to 2020 and China do the same, eleven years later India, Saudi Arabia, Kenya, Sweeden and Japan join, docking there ships to the spacestation. When Alien life comes to Earth, many species make themselves known, to the point that the spacestation is now a city of docked spaceships, the sheer mass next to Earth's Gravity is a risk, so it goes into the vastness of space, as Alpha, A city of 1000 planets cultures, a symbol of Earth's peace and Diversity with other cultures.
Isn't that nice?
I sure nothing bad will happen in the next five minutes!
400 years later on the planet Lohr, a tropical planet inhabited by Mermaids with legs. The Lohrians are a tribal race who farm pearls...actually they farm creatures who produce the pearls, these anteaters who shit them after being feed! Just a scene ago we saw Princess Liho wash her face with these pearls!
Well it doesn't matter where the pearls come from, all that matters is someone has invaded Lohr for them! The army led by the king and queen, are just savages with Spears enter the ship, except this is not an invasion force, it's a remote controlled slave galleon!
However the Lohrians have a trick in their transparent jellyfish like heads, they are psychic so Liho transmits a message as a dream to a sleeping Valerian on Holiday in a Yves Saint Laurel Commercial, Already in Progress! Actually it's a holodeck and excuse to put to models in Swimwear. Turns out today is Laureline's birthday and Valerian (Who, in the source material, NEVER had romantic feelings for her) has forgotten it!
So as I mentioned, Laureline is a girl from the middle ages, that saved Valerian when he went back in time, in the origin story this is not an origin story, as evident by this piece of nonsense, apparently somehow, this Middle Age era girl, who probably was illiterate, is somehow a college graduate
Anyway Valerian is bit of player, so since this is not an origin story, I'm gonna treat this film like an extension of their previous adventures, including Heroes of The Equinox, which saw Valerian beat 3 other candidates to Repopulate a planet, so yeah, down boy!
Landing on the Desert Planet, Khimerah, and changing into ridiculous clothes (they look like Backing dancers in a Vanilla Ice Video....to go with Dehaan's Vanilla everything else!) They join a batallion of soldiers enter a citedal to find a creature called a " Convertor"
Big Market is an Augmented Reality hosted in what is really an empty courtyard, which can only be seen and touched by special helmets and gloves- it's an interesting concept kinda like if the Internet had a physical form!
What I don't like is that since this is a Souk on a desert planet in a sci-fi film based on a satirical comic from the 60s means we have white actors in exaggerated and very racist Muslim garb like oversized Turbans!
WILL VALERIAN GET IN LAURELINE 'S GOOD BOOKS...OR HER KNICKERS...OR BOTH!
WHAT IS THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THIS MISSION AND PLANET LOHR!
WILL EITHER OF THE LEADS LEARN TO EMOTE IN THE TIME IT TAKES TO WRITE PART 2? PROBALLY NOT, BUT FIND OUT THE ANSWERS TO THE OTHER QUESTIONS...
NEXT WEEK AND ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!
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