"...Is enough to make the phone into the most desirable thing ever and to make Kelly Brook jump on Keith Lemon's bones..."
-That is quite enough, Old Man! We all know what will happen if you get angry at a terrible film!
(Yusef was flanked by armed Guards with Rifles. On Yusef's Command one guard, bearing Cybernetics one could only have got during the rule of Master Control on Earth 2 took the dvd!)
Sorry, Eamonn nothing personal, Until the wormholes regulate themselves we really can't trust you so long as that thing is on you!
Eamonn Spoke his voice came out
"Oh is it because what i said to Oracle?"
-That's not the reason, But...
All i asked her is if she was Cybernetic Downstairs
....Stop!
...And if she could set herself to Vibrate on Long Lonely Nights!
(CLUNK!)
(Yusef clocked Eamonn with his cattle prods! His parasite fluttered it's wings and held him up. Eamonn's mouth opened to speak, after 5 seconds, It's Voice Came out! But it was a voice that was felt more than heard...
fOOLISH iNSIGNIFICENT iNSECT!
-I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?
mOCK mY fORM aS yOU cAN tO mASK yOUR fEAR! bUT kNOW tHAT i dO wHAT nEEDS tO bE dONE tO aVENGE mY bRETHREN...
So mister Wasp, do you have a name?
-yOU kNOW wE wELL eNOUGH!
-A Cosmic Entity Eh, I thought You were all dead after Rage's little tussle with 80'S La...
........
Oh i see, you are Rage! I get it know, you possessed Eamonn after he lost control after Eighties Lad destroyed that little disgusting ploy of posing as ghost children to turn people against us!
-tHIS oNE rEALISED mY pURPOSE is eSSENTIAL, hE kNOWS wITHOUT mY kIND the fLOW oF nATURE hAS sTOPPED, sO i lET hIM mAKE hEAVENSCAR aS a pLOY tO sTOCKPILE cULTURE aND hUMANITY tO sURVIVE tHE cOLLAPSE oF rEALITY...iNSTEAD tHIS sTOCKPILE iS a bONFIRE, tHAT wILL mAKE eAMONN...mAKE uS! iNTO a nEW rage oF A nEW rEALITY! aND tHIS wORLD iNTO a nEW fORGE oF cREATION tO rEVIVE mY lOST bRETHREN
....At the expense of all life in the Multiverse no doubt! Guards seize The God of Rage, he may be a cosmic Entity, but he has to apply to the laws of physics of this existence to be here!
(Eamonn woke up in a cell!)
Where am i? Yusef?
Ah! Back are we? I just had a nice chat with your Plus one...
Yeah, Rage! i was unconscious, But somehow i know...
Funny thing is, how does Edwin fit into this? Surely i heard that Rage entered his body and then you punched him with the Dimension Shattering Punch?
I don't know?
(SILENCE!)
-What do you plan to do with me?
Suicide Mission I'm afraid! We are going to throw you into a dead dimension so you can turn it into the Forge of Creation, Saving the flow of time, giving us time to evacuate all the people here. It does mean you will be the new Rage and the man you were will cease to exis....UGH!)
(The Earth 2 guard knocked out Yusef. He handed Eamonn the dvd!)
A GIFT FROM MY MASTER he said, this cybernetic eyes glowing like he was controlled by someone else! "FINISH WHAT WE STARTED!"
this month's theme, From the soundtrack, Keith's "father"!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIxUKbV0UEM
(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...)
Keith Lemon, the god of the lowest common Denominator, has his own movie filmed with boobs, and z-list celebs and Single Entendres and deviancy...LIKE YOU WERE EXPECTING ANYTHING ELSE? And it's shit!...LIKE YOUR WERE EXPECTING ANYTHING ELSE?
Only somewhere there is a plot, one that involves 1 million Security Poles, Keith acquiring a New Model of smart phone, a midget, a Prevailing thread about His love of Stallone Movies, a Rumour that Billy Ocean is Keith's dad, and a Foreskin Collector who Kidnaps Keith's Pregnant girlfriend to turn into a security pole)
So the Lemon Phone makes Keith (Alter ego of Leigh Francis) A Billionaire, but the money goes to his head. Mad with Wealth, he spends it on Mansions, Jewelry, and a...Penis Enlargement to impress Kelly Brook (As herself) all to Archimedes' (The late Verne Troyer) Chagrin
Winning the award for Businessman of the year, Evil Steve (also Leigh Francis) and Rosie (Lauren Aikman)sees Keith win the award with the lingerie Model on his arm. Not thinking "Oh I will change my plan to blackmail Keith or Brook to give me money over the guilt of Keith's Pregnant Girlfriend being turned into a human Bollard!" But ...
He goes on regardless slowly dropping Rosie into a vat of molten metal, especially since he kidnapped her on the pretense of an order of one Million Security poles
After a shameful display of Lemon splooging over himself after seeing Kelly naked before they "constipate their love!" (ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE COUNTER: 6!)
...Douglas, the Tone-Deaf Autism Stereotype heads to London despite being told that London is full of Terrorist and Gays (" I could get Stabbed! Or Bummed! or Stabbed and Bummed at the same time! or Stabbed in the bum!")
ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE: 10
Keith hosts a toga Party at his Mansion, as Douglas, still dressed as Keith crashes the party. We have more "celebrity" cameos: coming to a supermarket opening near you: Rizzle Kicks, Bez, Jason Donovan, Peter Andre, Even Gino D'Ciampo is here, probably casing the joint for Valuables, after nicking from Paul Young's Gaffe!
We also have Tinchy Strider, Ronan Keating and Back from Slumming it over here in Ireland, Ireland got Talent Judge, Denise Van Houten
A Glorified Microphone Stand with Boobs, Judging Talent?
Keith is Reunited with his rumoured father, Billy Ocean, who plays at his party, Keith's past catches up with him as Stupindar wants his cut of the Lemon phone sales, and Douglas warns Keith, who denies knowing him. Kelly confides with constant victims of Keith's Sexual Harassment game-show, Ferne Cotton and Holly Willoughby that she is every bit the gold-digger we could see from space! Douglas returns to Leeds on coach, where watching Rambo, gives him the idea to save Rosie himself!
Then from out of nowhere, we get a plot twist of a newsflash that contact with the Lemon-phone causes Facial Disfigurement. Right on cue, Kelly's face goes limp as Gary (Paddy McGuiness) Repeats his warning on money changing Keith, as All the celeb's faces change, realizing their careers are over, running for his life, he climbs his tower, Keith see's Archimedes smoking a fag, Keith Goes to commit suicide, he has a flashback of all the good times, he has an epiphany, Archimedes clutches his heart, Kelly breaks free and pushes Keith of the Balcony....Until Archimedes reveals his heart-attack was really a transformation into an Angel!
Archimedes Flies Keith Back to Leeds en route to Heaven, as Douglas becomes Rambo and hits his head on a beam, Keith crashes through the factory roof, anticlimactically killing Evil Steve, rescues Rosie, proposes to her and during the credits we see what happens next!
The 1 million security poles were turned into pump handles to the 3rd world, Keith meet his real dad, (Obviously his own real life father with a similar wig!), Rosie gave birth to triplets and whilst the facial disfigurement is permanent, Kelly had a confidence boost since Keith still wanted to bed her! As Keith puts all the past behind him to make a decent living as a Paver!
LIKE I HAD TO TELL YOU THIS FILM SUCKS!
The inside jokes to Bo Selecta are too Niche for the uninitiated, Lemon is too Infuriating to like and I would call the typical "Rags-to Riches-to Rags" story thread-bare, If it wasn't compressed between cameos and set-pieces that did NOTHING TO TELL THE STORY!
CREDITS
Keith Lemon the movie was reviewed, compiled and Edited in 2 parts by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media and music From:
In Part 1:
Keith Lemon the Film
Silent Night, Deadly Night part 2
And Part 2:
WWE Smackdown
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Madagascar
and Music:
When The Going Gets Tough (The Tough Get Going!) by Billy Ocean
All Media Belong to their respective owners. All Rights Reserved!
Keith Lemon the Film was Produced by Lionsgate
NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE
AN EVENT SO BIG IT CANNOT BE HELD 1 ONE MONTH!
SPRING-SUMMER 2019!
TICKET TO HELL: MILLENNIAL CREATION MYTHS STARTS IN APRIL!
-That is quite enough, Old Man! We all know what will happen if you get angry at a terrible film!
(Yusef was flanked by armed Guards with Rifles. On Yusef's Command one guard, bearing Cybernetics one could only have got during the rule of Master Control on Earth 2 took the dvd!)
Sorry, Eamonn nothing personal, Until the wormholes regulate themselves we really can't trust you so long as that thing is on you!
Eamonn Spoke his voice came out
"Oh is it because what i said to Oracle?"
-That's not the reason, But...
All i asked her is if she was Cybernetic Downstairs
....Stop!
...And if she could set herself to Vibrate on Long Lonely Nights!
(CLUNK!)
(Yusef clocked Eamonn with his cattle prods! His parasite fluttered it's wings and held him up. Eamonn's mouth opened to speak, after 5 seconds, It's Voice Came out! But it was a voice that was felt more than heard...
fOOLISH iNSIGNIFICENT iNSECT!
-I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?
mOCK mY fORM aS yOU cAN tO mASK yOUR fEAR! bUT kNOW tHAT i dO wHAT nEEDS tO bE dONE tO aVENGE mY bRETHREN...
So mister Wasp, do you have a name?
-yOU kNOW wE wELL eNOUGH!
-A Cosmic Entity Eh, I thought You were all dead after Rage's little tussle with 80'S La...
........
Oh i see, you are Rage! I get it know, you possessed Eamonn after he lost control after Eighties Lad destroyed that little disgusting ploy of posing as ghost children to turn people against us!
-tHIS oNE rEALISED mY pURPOSE is eSSENTIAL, hE kNOWS wITHOUT mY kIND the fLOW oF nATURE hAS sTOPPED, sO i lET hIM mAKE hEAVENSCAR aS a pLOY tO sTOCKPILE cULTURE aND hUMANITY tO sURVIVE tHE cOLLAPSE oF rEALITY...iNSTEAD tHIS sTOCKPILE iS a bONFIRE, tHAT wILL mAKE eAMONN...mAKE uS! iNTO a nEW rage oF A nEW rEALITY! aND tHIS wORLD iNTO a nEW fORGE oF cREATION tO rEVIVE mY lOST bRETHREN
....At the expense of all life in the Multiverse no doubt! Guards seize The God of Rage, he may be a cosmic Entity, but he has to apply to the laws of physics of this existence to be here!
(Eamonn woke up in a cell!)
Where am i? Yusef?
Ah! Back are we? I just had a nice chat with your Plus one...
Yeah, Rage! i was unconscious, But somehow i know...
Funny thing is, how does Edwin fit into this? Surely i heard that Rage entered his body and then you punched him with the Dimension Shattering Punch?
I don't know?
(SILENCE!)
-What do you plan to do with me?
Suicide Mission I'm afraid! We are going to throw you into a dead dimension so you can turn it into the Forge of Creation, Saving the flow of time, giving us time to evacuate all the people here. It does mean you will be the new Rage and the man you were will cease to exis....UGH!)
(The Earth 2 guard knocked out Yusef. He handed Eamonn the dvd!)
A GIFT FROM MY MASTER he said, this cybernetic eyes glowing like he was controlled by someone else! "FINISH WHAT WE STARTED!"
this month's theme, From the soundtrack, Keith's "father"!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIxUKbV0UEM
(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...)
Keith Lemon, the god of the lowest common Denominator, has his own movie filmed with boobs, and z-list celebs and Single Entendres and deviancy...LIKE YOU WERE EXPECTING ANYTHING ELSE? And it's shit!...LIKE YOUR WERE EXPECTING ANYTHING ELSE?
Only somewhere there is a plot, one that involves 1 million Security Poles, Keith acquiring a New Model of smart phone, a midget, a Prevailing thread about His love of Stallone Movies, a Rumour that Billy Ocean is Keith's dad, and a Foreskin Collector who Kidnaps Keith's Pregnant girlfriend to turn into a security pole)
So the Lemon Phone makes Keith (Alter ego of Leigh Francis) A Billionaire, but the money goes to his head. Mad with Wealth, he spends it on Mansions, Jewelry, and a...Penis Enlargement to impress Kelly Brook (As herself) all to Archimedes' (The late Verne Troyer) Chagrin
Winning the award for Businessman of the year, Evil Steve (also Leigh Francis) and Rosie (Lauren Aikman)sees Keith win the award with the lingerie Model on his arm. Not thinking "Oh I will change my plan to blackmail Keith or Brook to give me money over the guilt of Keith's Pregnant Girlfriend being turned into a human Bollard!" But ...
He goes on regardless slowly dropping Rosie into a vat of molten metal, especially since he kidnapped her on the pretense of an order of one Million Security poles
After a shameful display of Lemon splooging over himself after seeing Kelly naked before they "constipate their love!" (ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE COUNTER: 6!)
...Douglas, the Tone-Deaf Autism Stereotype heads to London despite being told that London is full of Terrorist and Gays (" I could get Stabbed! Or Bummed! or Stabbed and Bummed at the same time! or Stabbed in the bum!")
ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE: 10
Keith hosts a toga Party at his Mansion, as Douglas, still dressed as Keith crashes the party. We have more "celebrity" cameos: coming to a supermarket opening near you: Rizzle Kicks, Bez, Jason Donovan, Peter Andre, Even Gino D'Ciampo is here, probably casing the joint for Valuables, after nicking from Paul Young's Gaffe!
We also have Tinchy Strider, Ronan Keating and Back from Slumming it over here in Ireland, Ireland got Talent Judge, Denise Van Houten
A Glorified Microphone Stand with Boobs, Judging Talent?
Keith is Reunited with his rumoured father, Billy Ocean, who plays at his party, Keith's past catches up with him as Stupindar wants his cut of the Lemon phone sales, and Douglas warns Keith, who denies knowing him. Kelly confides with constant victims of Keith's Sexual Harassment game-show, Ferne Cotton and Holly Willoughby that she is every bit the gold-digger we could see from space! Douglas returns to Leeds on coach, where watching Rambo, gives him the idea to save Rosie himself!
Then from out of nowhere, we get a plot twist of a newsflash that contact with the Lemon-phone causes Facial Disfigurement. Right on cue, Kelly's face goes limp as Gary (Paddy McGuiness) Repeats his warning on money changing Keith, as All the celeb's faces change, realizing their careers are over, running for his life, he climbs his tower, Keith see's Archimedes smoking a fag, Keith Goes to commit suicide, he has a flashback of all the good times, he has an epiphany, Archimedes clutches his heart, Kelly breaks free and pushes Keith of the Balcony....Until Archimedes reveals his heart-attack was really a transformation into an Angel!
Archimedes Flies Keith Back to Leeds en route to Heaven, as Douglas becomes Rambo and hits his head on a beam, Keith crashes through the factory roof, anticlimactically killing Evil Steve, rescues Rosie, proposes to her and during the credits we see what happens next!
The 1 million security poles were turned into pump handles to the 3rd world, Keith meet his real dad, (Obviously his own real life father with a similar wig!), Rosie gave birth to triplets and whilst the facial disfigurement is permanent, Kelly had a confidence boost since Keith still wanted to bed her! As Keith puts all the past behind him to make a decent living as a Paver!
LIKE I HAD TO TELL YOU THIS FILM SUCKS!
The inside jokes to Bo Selecta are too Niche for the uninitiated, Lemon is too Infuriating to like and I would call the typical "Rags-to Riches-to Rags" story thread-bare, If it wasn't compressed between cameos and set-pieces that did NOTHING TO TELL THE STORY!
CREDITS
Keith Lemon the movie was reviewed, compiled and Edited in 2 parts by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media and music From:
In Part 1:
Keith Lemon the Film
Silent Night, Deadly Night part 2
And Part 2:
WWE Smackdown
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Madagascar
and Music:
When The Going Gets Tough (The Tough Get Going!) by Billy Ocean
All Media Belong to their respective owners. All Rights Reserved!
Keith Lemon the Film was Produced by Lionsgate
NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE
AN EVENT SO BIG IT CANNOT BE HELD 1 ONE MONTH!
SPRING-SUMMER 2019!
TICKET TO HELL: MILLENNIAL CREATION MYTHS STARTS IN APRIL!
No comments:
Post a Comment