(PREVIOUSLY ON POWER RANGERS 2017....)
Yeah, I would just read part 1 and 2-there is a LOT of Crap that doesn't need a Recap!
We Will Resume with a brief bridge. Zordon dismisses the Rangers, after Zack took his Zord on a joyride, and Zordon thinking the teens don't take it seriously, if they did they would have morphed by now! As they are leaving Jason overhears Zordon telling alpha he plans to have them unlock the suits just so he can return to a physical body and thwart Rita himself....
I used this Meme already but it won't hurt to use it when the opportunity just falls on your lap?
Zordon called the Power Rangers Originally because he had lost his physical body because he used up all his magic to seal Rita in the Dumpster to begin with. Giving 5 people, nevermind them being teens, that noone will suspect his powers and artillery, so they could CONTINUE HIS FIGHT, WHEN HE NO LONGER COULDN'T!
HOW!
CAN!
YOU!
GET!
THAT
In a Jewelers, Rita attempts to steal gold to increase her wand so she can have a crucible for her green power coin (Yeah, Rita is the Green Ranger in this Joke of a remake!)...she can't spare any piece of gold in making Goldarr...which is why she eats some of it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-COG4YTn6M
Back on the Mountain, the 5 rangers bond over a common thing, making fun of Zordon. Jason reckons Billy morphed for 5 seconds because Zack was going to beat up Jason, and Billy being friends became the power ranger. Maybe that is holding them back keeping their feelings bottled. So all but Jason reveal something meaningful, Billy feeling guilty for not mourning his father, Zack feeling pressure to care for his sick mother, Kimberly on being a bully who blackmailed a love rival, and a film first...
Trini Quan, the original Yellow Power Ranger...AND THE 1ST CONFIRMED LGBT SUPERHERO IN A HOLLYWOOD FILM!
....And I think they did this only because Trini's original character was so underdeveloped in the original series, all we know that she is Billy's childhood friend and can understand his tendency to technobabble and be Loquacious! THAT'S IT!
....Speaking of , they probably did it so Rita's targeting of Trini in her bedroom in a scene that is both creepy and homoerotic at the time, a scene filled with Innuendo laden dialogue spewed by Elizabeth Banks' Rita. As I watched it, this all i could think was...
However, Trini tells the others, not realising it's a trap! Jason says that suits or no suits, it's their responsibility. despite any REAL Fans telling you the Suits have no power, the people inside them do, Rita hands all 5 their asses! And ties them up, she knows that Billy has being found the location of the Zeo Crystal a source of great power! When Zack's life is threatened, Billy lets it slip, It's under a Krispy Kreme, leading to every actor saying the name of the franchise at least twice for Product placement! And for that Billy is force thrown into the sea and Drowns!
Yeah, I would just read part 1 and 2-there is a LOT of Crap that doesn't need a Recap!
We Will Resume with a brief bridge. Zordon dismisses the Rangers, after Zack took his Zord on a joyride, and Zordon thinking the teens don't take it seriously, if they did they would have morphed by now! As they are leaving Jason overhears Zordon telling alpha he plans to have them unlock the suits just so he can return to a physical body and thwart Rita himself....
I used this Meme already but it won't hurt to use it when the opportunity just falls on your lap?
Zordon called the Power Rangers Originally because he had lost his physical body because he used up all his magic to seal Rita in the Dumpster to begin with. Giving 5 people, nevermind them being teens, that noone will suspect his powers and artillery, so they could CONTINUE HIS FIGHT, WHEN HE NO LONGER COULDN'T!
HOW!
CAN!
YOU!
GET!
THAT
In a Jewelers, Rita attempts to steal gold to increase her wand so she can have a crucible for her green power coin (Yeah, Rita is the Green Ranger in this Joke of a remake!)...she can't spare any piece of gold in making Goldarr...which is why she eats some of it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-COG4YTn6M
Back on the Mountain, the 5 rangers bond over a common thing, making fun of Zordon. Jason reckons Billy morphed for 5 seconds because Zack was going to beat up Jason, and Billy being friends became the power ranger. Maybe that is holding them back keeping their feelings bottled. So all but Jason reveal something meaningful, Billy feeling guilty for not mourning his father, Zack feeling pressure to care for his sick mother, Kimberly on being a bully who blackmailed a love rival, and a film first...
Trini Quan, the original Yellow Power Ranger...AND THE 1ST CONFIRMED LGBT SUPERHERO IN A HOLLYWOOD FILM!
....And I think they did this only because Trini's original character was so underdeveloped in the original series, all we know that she is Billy's childhood friend and can understand his tendency to technobabble and be Loquacious! THAT'S IT!
....Speaking of , they probably did it so Rita's targeting of Trini in her bedroom in a scene that is both creepy and homoerotic at the time, a scene filled with Innuendo laden dialogue spewed by Elizabeth Banks' Rita. As I watched it, this all i could think was...
 |
| "I dreamed about her again, Smithers. You know that dream where you are in bed, and they fly through the window? |
The other four Bring his body to the command centre, But not even Zordon can do anything... Jason finally opens up on why he needs to remain the Red Ranger and why he did the prank in the opening! He feels that getting a scholarship just on playing sports is a waste when he should be doing more with his life! All 4 say that they would change places with Billy if it meant he lived. Zordon remembers he has magic powers and reviles Billy, of course. The whole scene would have being better if Kimberly wasn't wearing this top, thus pointing out all the false drama!
WITH THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, They finally Morph...AND DEAR GOD IT WAS NOT WORTH ALL THE BUILD UP!
...Chrome abs, jet pack high heels and moulded breastplates for the girls and helmets that retract so we can see them act!
So Rita finally forms Goldarr after attacking a goldmine...PAUSE!
IF THERE WAS A GOLDMINE IN THIS TOWN THE WHOLE TIME, WHY DID YOU WASTE EVERYONE'S TIME BY KILLING PEOPLE FOR SMALL PIECES OF GOLD?
AH SHUT YA MOUTH!
So Rita finally forms Goldarr after attacking a goldmine...PAUSE!
IF THERE WAS A GOLDMINE IN THIS TOWN THE WHOLE TIME, WHY DID YOU WASTE EVERYONE'S TIME BY KILLING PEOPLE FOR SMALL PIECES OF GOLD?
 |
| TOO COMPLEX FOR YOU TO... |
The rangers fight the Putties, not realising it's a Distraction. Goldarr grows to giant proportions, with Rita shouting the famous "Magic Wand, Make My Monster Grow!" line (Which Banks delivers like she is ordering a sandwich!) The Rangers Mount their Zords (with Billy riding his backwards for "comedy") causing more collateral damage than the big gold thing causally walking!
Jason saves his father who was caught in the crossfire! Not even Kimberly Dropping the Triceratops zord into Goldarr's mouth, to drop a nuke can stop goldarr from exposing the zeo crystal. The gold beast is overwhelming the team as it pushes the five zords into the lava pit it created exposing the crystal!
So let's finish this!
As the five pieces of Outsider art are being melted, they are fused together to form the Megazord
No, not that one and as iconic as this goofy design is, no way can the reboot be any more stupi...
LOOK AT THIS WICKER MAN, LOOKING-ASS! THIS AIN'T NO MEGAZORD, THAT'S A FUCKING GUNDAM! NO WONDER ARE THE POWER RANGERS ARE HORNY, PTSD-RIDDEN, SARCASTIC ASSHOLES! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A GUNDAM MOVIE, WASN'T IT?
...So!
Goldarr gets sent to Suplex City, Rita gets backhanded into space! And so As Normality returns to Angel Grove, Despite his father Suspecting his son saved his life!
THIS FILM DIVIDING OPINION AND THOUGH IT GETS 4 STARS FROM EMPIRE AND STARDUST, TWO MAGAZINES THAT I RESPECT, AS A DIEHARD FAN, MY OPINION IS THIS FILM SUCKS!
This film's problems are self-evident from minute 1, It's lost it's own Identity. There is more tropes pertaining to Chronicle, Pacific Rim, Iron Man and Teen Dramas, than to Power Rangers. Sure There is some good jokes and bursts of decent acting! ( Naomi Scott, who played Kimberly,should get a second chance and if so, THAT! film will make her a star!) However, core pieces of the story is missing, The Dumpster, The Juice Bar, Bulk and Skull, all of Rita's Other Minions. "Recruit 5 Overbearing and Over-Emotional Humans!" This things may seem superfluous, in a EDGY and EXTREME!!!! reimaging, but these things are as part of the show, that they are referred to 20 years later in the newer shows, shows as i explained in part 2, are now separate universe from each other!
BUT THIS!?
The Rangers turn from Goody-Goods, into Broken teens who swear and make off-coloured jokes (Did we really need Jason's Accomplice tells us he "milked" a bull to calm him down, and Specifically Deny he drunk it's "milk"?) Elizabeth Banks is more hands on than Original Canon Rita who watched the battle from the Moon, But Elizabeth Banks comes off as a Creepy, Bisexual Hot Mess, Also what is that accent supposed to be? Bryan Cranston is a great actor of course, But his Zordon comes off as a Crotchedly old man, than a sage old mentor, Alpha is still annoying, though, not helped that Jon Heder is not Funny!
A third power rangers film and it sucks, WE ARE 3 FOR 3!
It's not like Lionsgate made a good film last year or anything...
OH WAIT A MINUTE!
CREDITS
Power Rangers (2017) Was reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Music and Media from
In part 1:
Go go power rangers by Ron Wasserman
The Simpsons
The Amazing World Of Gumball
Power rangers
In Part 2:
The Nostalgia Critic
Bad Touch By The Bloodhound Gang
Superman Returns
SpongeBob
Power rangers Lost Galaxy
Power rangers LightSpeed Rescue
Power rangers Time Force
Power rangers Wild force
Power rangers SPD
Power rangers RPM
Power rangers Samurai
Power rangers Dino Charge
Power rangers Ninja Steel
Austin Powers, The Spy who Shagged Me!
Power rangers 2017
Power rangers 1993
Power rangers zeo
Power rangers Super MegaForce
DK books
In Part 3:
Atop the Fourth wall (And Linkara? i know you will be reading this as well as rting this? Congratulations on 500 episodes and thank you! Your show pulled me out of a dark place, namely depression and gambling, 10 years ago and i want people to know that!)
Superman Returns
Austin Powers: Goldmember
Simpsons
Power rangers super megaforce
Power rangers 2017 was produced by Lionsgate
Power rangers is owned by Saban Brands
All rights Reserved.
NEXT MONTH: You saw it above, but can I be swayed to enjoy a musical?
find out next month when i review LA LA LAND!
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