(PREVIOUSLY ON POWER RANGERS 2017 REVIEW!...
YEAH, THAT!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k
Uncovering a wall of glass, Zack smashes it to reveal 5 coins all glowing the colours of the shirts the 5 teens are wearing. (CONVENIENT, ISN'T IT?) As the mine continues to collapse, Jason uses Billy's van to rescue the others....And they get totaled by a train!
AND THAT'S HOW THEY DIED!
ONLY KIDDING!
The shock of being nearly killed activates their powers, causing them to return home and lose a whole day of their lives sleeping (so...AVERAGE TEENAGERS, THEN?) Meanwhile in the Atlantic Ocean, A fishing Boat has caught a Mummified Body In It's Nets. In cold storage the Mummified Rita comes to life
AHH! AFTER 10 THOUSAND YEARS I'M FREE...AND ON DEADLIEST CATCH FOR SOME REASON!
The Next Day the Teens wake up to find that they have Spiderman powers.
.....
OKAY 40 SOMETHING EXECUTIVES WHO PICKED UP THIS FILM ONLY TO MAKE MONEY!
(CRACKS KNUCKLES!)
...YOU HAVE WOKEN UP A SLEEPING GIANT!
The Original Power Rangers...DID NOT! have superpowers!
The Coins had Powers...and even then all the coins did was turn into the suits that gave them access to their weapons, blasters and zords. But it was THE PEOPLE IN THE SUITS THAT BEAT THE MONSTERS EVERY WEEK, USING THEIR MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING AND SOMETIMES LATERIAL THINKING TO SAVE THE DAY FOR THE PAST 25 YEARS!
HOW COULD THEY GET THIS WRONG?
And i know what some people are going to say "It's a reimagining! They are using all elements from the recent series of Power Rangers for a younger audience!"
well...
AND I AM SURE ALL THE CASUAL SWEARING, ANIMAL MUTILATION, DRUG REFERENCES AND THE 2 JOKES ABOUT WANKING IN THIS FILM HAVE GONE DOWN A TREAT WITH YOUR KIDDLY-WINKS!
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!
Rita is lurking in the docks and slums, killing people for their gold teeth and jewelry. The Rangers fail to morph (Leading to Zack to tell one of the Masturbation Jokes in this film" "Do I Morph? Only if i'm alone at night or in the shower" ACTUAL QUOTE FROM THE MOVIE!")...Leading to a training Montage Against Putties
YEAH, THAT!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xat1GVnl8-k
Uncovering a wall of glass, Zack smashes it to reveal 5 coins all glowing the colours of the shirts the 5 teens are wearing. (CONVENIENT, ISN'T IT?) As the mine continues to collapse, Jason uses Billy's van to rescue the others....And they get totaled by a train!
AND THAT'S HOW THEY DIED!
ONLY KIDDING!
The shock of being nearly killed activates their powers, causing them to return home and lose a whole day of their lives sleeping (so...AVERAGE TEENAGERS, THEN?) Meanwhile in the Atlantic Ocean, A fishing Boat has caught a Mummified Body In It's Nets. In cold storage the Mummified Rita comes to life
AHH! AFTER 10 THOUSAND YEARS I'M FREE...AND ON DEADLIEST CATCH FOR SOME REASON!
The Next Day the Teens wake up to find that they have Spiderman powers.
.....
OKAY 40 SOMETHING EXECUTIVES WHO PICKED UP THIS FILM ONLY TO MAKE MONEY!
(CRACKS KNUCKLES!)
...YOU HAVE WOKEN UP A SLEEPING GIANT!
The Original Power Rangers...DID NOT! have superpowers!
The Coins had Powers...and even then all the coins did was turn into the suits that gave them access to their weapons, blasters and zords. But it was THE PEOPLE IN THE SUITS THAT BEAT THE MONSTERS EVERY WEEK, USING THEIR MARTIAL ARTS TRAINING AND SOMETIMES LATERIAL THINKING TO SAVE THE DAY FOR THE PAST 25 YEARS!
HOW COULD THEY GET THIS WRONG?
And i know what some people are going to say "It's a reimagining! They are using all elements from the recent series of Power Rangers for a younger audience!"
well...
 |
| iTS a rEIMAGINING! iT'S a rEIMAGINING! |
2: Just because you could try to make a full continuity of all the shows! A REAL FAN Would tell you that powers "ENDED" With ...In Space in 1998, Lost galaxy was it's epitaph with the first team-up! (yeah if the original Japanese Sentai (Super Sentai being the original Japanese source material of the show) footage had a team up with the current and previous teams, then the American product would follow suit!) and by 2000's Light-Speed Rescue, the show has followed this formula of Discard and Draw: new actors, new suits, new enemies, new continuity, and a twist from the last series and it works to have separate, self contained universes that are not direct sequels anymore, given that in 20 YEARS without no wide Continuity, this show has...
Went to a space Station,
returned to earth working for the Government, to the point that civilians knew who they were unmorphed,
to the Future,
Back to the Present,
back to a DIFFERENT FUTURE,
TO A SECOND WORLD AFTER A ROBOT APOCALYPSE! (SO NOT KIDDING!),
BACK TO OUR EARTH,
TO THE EVENTS OF THE LAST SERIES THAT ENDED BY RESURRECTING THE DINOSAURS, UNDOING THE EVENTS OF THE VERY 1ST SERIES,
GIVING US THE CURRENT SERIES, A WORLD, IF SOME OF THE LINES IN THE SECOND EPISODE OF NINJA STEEL ARE TO BE BELIEVED...A WORLD THAT NEVER HAD POWER RANGERS!
.....Ok!
Meanwhile on the fishing boat, Rita's Mummy Evil Deads a cop after killing and mutilating fish and fishermen. The 5 teens Realise the coins are telling them to return to the mine, because destiny or some shit!
So after ripping off Chronicle, they dive into water, and when the moon touches them, they start glowing!
OH GREAT SO THEY ARE THE POWER RANGERS AND THE MERMAIDS FROM H20: JUST ADD WATER!
Underneath the lake they find a suspended air bubble that acts like a cave where they find a spaceship.
Compelled by the coins, the 5 enter and meet...
OH SWEET JESUS! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ALPHA 5?
We get it movie, you're trying for edgy over anything that resembles the camp original show. but I would prefer if my Child Appeal Character....didn't look like it would murder me behind my back?
and i would like if a robot, LOOKED LIKE A ROBOT!, Not like a shaved chimp with a pie-dish for a head!
So Alpha (voiced by Alleged Comedian, Bill Hader) makes the 5 teens stand on a console, Sputtering the ancient spaceship to life. On a Big Screen, Zordon (Bryan Cranston), Who's life essense was digitised into the ship's computer, awakens from his slumber. Well, They Got That one...Kinda Right? Zordon used so much of his magic to seal Rita in the Dumpster in the Original story. That his body was destroyed! and his consciousness was sealed in a tube.
After Trini Badmouths Zordon, he casts a spell that gives the 5 teens a nightmare of Rita turning humanity to dust and doing.... well, this in their personal space!
Zordon Explains that Rita is the Green Ranger (NO SHE CREATED THE GREEN RANGER POWERS, SABAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?) And Rita is looking for the Zeo Crystal. To that end, Rita plans to created Goldarr, a giant monster that will tear the planet apart in the process!
Compelled by the coins, the 5 enter and meet...
OH SWEET JESUS! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ALPHA 5?
We get it movie, you're trying for edgy over anything that resembles the camp original show. but I would prefer if my Child Appeal Character....didn't look like it would murder me behind my back?
and i would like if a robot, LOOKED LIKE A ROBOT!, Not like a shaved chimp with a pie-dish for a head!
So Alpha (voiced by Alleged Comedian, Bill Hader) makes the 5 teens stand on a console, Sputtering the ancient spaceship to life. On a Big Screen, Zordon (Bryan Cranston), Who's life essense was digitised into the ship's computer, awakens from his slumber. Well, They Got That one...Kinda Right? Zordon used so much of his magic to seal Rita in the Dumpster in the Original story. That his body was destroyed! and his consciousness was sealed in a tube.
After Trini Badmouths Zordon, he casts a spell that gives the 5 teens a nightmare of Rita turning humanity to dust and doing.... well, this in their personal space!
 |
| "BAD TOUCH BY THE BLOODHOUND GANG INTENSIFIES!" |
In Power Rangers Lore, The Zeo Crystal is a source of great power, a crystal containing power to restore or destroy a planet, an energy source that will keep getting stronger. It is also the Source of the Zeo Power rangers, powers, Powers stronger than the MMPR suits, and the powers that would end up making Rita without an army. So film, we are Ignoring Green with Evil, Lord Zedd, The Thunderzords, The Dawn Of White, Ninjor, The Spirit Quest for Ninja powers, The Command Centre getting Bombed, The Time Slip That turned the rangers into children to be replaced by Alien Rangers, The Machine Empire just to get to the powers that would end up Rita without an army or base in the end? why would you do that?
 |
| "TOO COMPLEX FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND!" |
So the Others bail like the cowards they are, But Zordon convinces Jason he needs to trust him. Finally we get back story on Zack and Trini, Zack is a care-giver to his bed-ridden mother and Trini is your Flat Rebel Without a Clue! Though when she reveals she has super powers, her mother has the right reaction!
 |
| I GET THE SAME REACTION FROM PEOPLE MY AGE OR ABOVE EVERYTIME I TALK ABOUT CARTOONS OR VIDEOGAMES! |
Rita is lurking in the docks and slums, killing people for their gold teeth and jewelry. The Rangers fail to morph (Leading to Zack to tell one of the Masturbation Jokes in this film" "Do I Morph? Only if i'm alone at night or in the shower" ACTUAL QUOTE FROM THE MOVIE!")...Leading to a training Montage Against Putties
Which honestly, thankfully look more evil than these!
Billy finds where the Zeo Crystal is buried...Under the Product Placement of a Krispie Kreem, The doughnut franchise!
Feeling worn out by the constant training, Alpha brings the team to a cave hosting, what i feared seeing animated, the Paper clip sculptures what are supposed to be the DinoZords, and yeah the more pedantic of you would say "Mastodons and Sabre Tooth tigers were Prehistoric Beasts and Pterodactyls were Pterosaurs, which TECHNICALLY were not Dinosaurs, because they didn't live on land!"
Given that We have 2 more Dinosaur themed power ranger shows, calling the originals "Dinozords" is to avoid confusion, Plus that is what they were called in the show! And even though Alpha tells the team they are not ready for the zords, to motivate them! Zack takes his zord, The Mastodon, for a joyride, which buries into a mountain and nearly kills a bus full of nuns!
What, A mastodon Buried into a mountain?
A Mastodon, for those who don't know is a relation to the woolly Mammoth. And why did it move like a dog, and not an elephant, could you not afford an elephant to motion capture so you just used a dog? Is that why the animal with cloved feet can not bury into mountains?
WE END THIS MADNESS ON THE 1ST OF JULY! ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
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| The Mastodon: known for it's Digging Ability(!) |
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