Recap: Storyline 1=Reed Proposed to Morley, who fears commitment
2=A Sportscaster is forced to do a man on the street assignment, despite this being his day off
3=Julia wishes her boyfriend will propose, oblivious that he is still Married.
4=Jason has forgotten it's Valentines Day, his girlfriend is also a call-girl on the quiet!
5=Estella and Edgar are an elderly couple parenting their grandson Edison, who has a secret crush.
6=Two strangers, one in the military, wake up under a blanket during a long flight!
7=Bi-polar Paula, Jason's and Liz' boss, notices her switchboard is full of Perverts!
8=Sean, an injured Footballer, considers his life options
9=Kara, Seans Publicist, is throwing an anti Valentine's day dinner
10=2 high school sweethearts consider losing their virginity, despite advice from Moronic friends
(When People say, "There's no upbeat songs about a Break-up!" i say....)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kH2j6dKPwxo
Back in Storyline 8, a distracted Sean up-ends Mario Lopez' truck and share insurance, but the pang has damaged the backdoor and plenty of deliveries including Edison's are destroyed! Worse still storyline 11 is about the Joke stealing Hack. Turns out Grace (Emma Stone) is Edison's babysitter. Cara is upset that noone is going to be at her dinner. Morley (Alba) has Left Reed (DUDE, WHERES MY CAREER?) , Who has realized that he wouldn't have intervened in telling Liz (Garner) that Harrison (Patrick Dempsey) is a scumbag if he didn't love her, Circumventing airport security to tell her (I'm not one for making Current Affairs Jokes, but he'd be dead if he tried that now!) Julia Roberts has changed into her civilian clothes, despite the fact when she lands she has mere hours before she's on duty again. Hearing that Sean is making a press conference, Calvin (Foxx) goes to Cara's(Biel) office to confirm. The 2 bond over their hatred of Valentine's Day!
Because of this, Calvin's cameraman has now took over his assignment, now at the high-school we no get a face full, (JUST LIKE SHE GET'S EVERY NIGHT!) Of Taylor Swift's bad, bad BAD! Acting! Turn's out Willy's (Lautner) and Felicia's (Swift) relationship is purely superficial
WHAT? TAYLOR SWIFT IN A RELATIONSHIP SOLELY BASED ON LOOKS?
Meanwhile Jason (Topher Grace) is still wondering how to surprise Liz on Valentine's Day. In Storyline 5 Edison's flowers can't be found, let alone delivered, Edison is not the only one with problems, as it turns out Estelle has being keeping a secret from Edgar. Edison sneaks out to the Florist to get his money back!
2=A Sportscaster is forced to do a man on the street assignment, despite this being his day off
3=Julia wishes her boyfriend will propose, oblivious that he is still Married.
4=Jason has forgotten it's Valentines Day, his girlfriend is also a call-girl on the quiet!
5=Estella and Edgar are an elderly couple parenting their grandson Edison, who has a secret crush.
6=Two strangers, one in the military, wake up under a blanket during a long flight!
7=Bi-polar Paula, Jason's and Liz' boss, notices her switchboard is full of Perverts!
8=Sean, an injured Footballer, considers his life options
9=Kara, Seans Publicist, is throwing an anti Valentine's day dinner
10=2 high school sweethearts consider losing their virginity, despite advice from Moronic friends
(When People say, "There's no upbeat songs about a Break-up!" i say....)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kH2j6dKPwxo
Back in Storyline 8, a distracted Sean up-ends Mario Lopez' truck and share insurance, but the pang has damaged the backdoor and plenty of deliveries including Edison's are destroyed! Worse still storyline 11 is about the Joke stealing Hack. Turns out Grace (Emma Stone) is Edison's babysitter. Cara is upset that noone is going to be at her dinner. Morley (Alba) has Left Reed (DUDE, WHERES MY CAREER?) , Who has realized that he wouldn't have intervened in telling Liz (Garner) that Harrison (Patrick Dempsey) is a scumbag if he didn't love her, Circumventing airport security to tell her (I'm not one for making Current Affairs Jokes, but he'd be dead if he tried that now!) Julia Roberts has changed into her civilian clothes, despite the fact when she lands she has mere hours before she's on duty again. Hearing that Sean is making a press conference, Calvin (Foxx) goes to Cara's(Biel) office to confirm. The 2 bond over their hatred of Valentine's Day!
Because of this, Calvin's cameraman has now took over his assignment, now at the high-school we no get a face full, (JUST LIKE SHE GET'S EVERY NIGHT!) Of Taylor Swift's bad, bad BAD! Acting! Turn's out Willy's (Lautner) and Felicia's (Swift) relationship is purely superficial
WHAT? TAYLOR SWIFT IN A RELATIONSHIP SOLELY BASED ON LOOKS?
 |
| I NEVER KNEW! |
Meanwhile Jason (Topher Grace) is still wondering how to surprise Liz on Valentine's Day. In Storyline 5 Edison's flowers can't be found, let alone delivered, Edison is not the only one with problems, as it turns out Estelle has being keeping a secret from Edgar. Edison sneaks out to the Florist to get his money back!
Estella confesses to cheating behind Edgar's back years ago. Back on the Plane. Julia notices that the same Stewardess that put them in this awkward situation, for a point of reference
...can't stop making goo-goo eyes at Bradley Cooper!....well stewardess!..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FVxO12qXZkQ
you'll find out later!
Edison has stalked his teacher to the hospital. there she learns that Doctor Scumbag is indeed married!
The Big Announcement from Sean is that he is not retiring...He's Gay! In A restaurant Julia poses as a waitress to get a subtle revenge on Harrison...and if calling him a pig in front of his wife doesn't work, then maxing out his credit card for a food delivery to Cara's Party just might!
Jason Pays for his Tardiness by having a dinner in an overcrowded hotel restaurant, just then Liz (Hathaway) gets a call girl call on her phone and is outed by her boyfriend, just as behind her Morley books a room for the night. The Plane touches down and it's revealed Cooper is a rich man of some sort! who gives the Captain his limo for the night! Edison has reached the Florists demanding flowers, Reed who's depressed about losing the girl (TWICE!) Gives him "Well The Time is Right " flower (probably forgot about that didn't you?"
The Anti-Valentines Day party is in an Indian Restaurant owned by the family of a girl in Edison's class. In a Cemetery, Edgar and Jason watch a film. turns out Estella use to be an actress, and the film is one of hers. Edison is caught by Grace, because for plot convenience, her boyfriend is a delivery boy for the Restaurant , Estella finds Edgar and apologizes her apology a word for word copy for dialougue in the film shown in the background. Jason gets up and leaves angrily, him like the many others, thinking it was fake!
Edison gives his teacher the flower, however the teacher kindly rescinds the gift letting him know that Sari might like him. Grace tells Alex she is not ready, Which is a sigh of relief, because neither is he!
So Lets Finish this!
Paula gets one of Liz's Dirty Calls and plays along, Reed closes the shop, George returns home, Edgar and Estella dance in the Cementary, Bradley Turns out to be Sean's Lover in the biggest Twist in the film, Jason forgives Liz, Cara and Calvin is now a couple, bonded over how much they hate Valentine's Day...until now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxqMDR9gf-Y
And in another twist, The Captain is Edison's mother! Julia and Reed are a couple now, leaving Morley and Harrison alone....The latter deserved it, but Morley? Bit Harsh! AND we get out-takes in the credits because if your Comedy can't be funny during it's screentime...then you just wasted a whole film!
Due to this being 11 storylines, Each will be judged Separately
REED'S STORYLINE DIDN'T SUCK...DESPITE KUSHNER!
Actually Dude, Where's My Career? naive florist is the few characters to have any growth in this film. However the Flower market comes off as a United Nations of Offensive Accents (Yassir Misser Leed, I Have your Frowers!) Mind you the treatment of someone not ready to marry was harsh!
THE CALVIN STORYLINE SUCKED!
Why Give Jamie Foxx so little screen time?
The JULIA AND HARRISON STORYLINE DIDN'T SUCK
Actually When Julia got her revenge i felt like...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJbmB9k2Y88
THE JASON STORYLINE SUCKED
THERE IS LIVING YOUR CAREER, AND THERE IS BEING A POSTBOY IN THIS FILM, WHERE YOUR TROLLEY IS SEEMINGLY SURGICALLY ATTACHED TO YOUR ARMS, LIMITING YOUR CAPACITY TO ACT! Also the crowded Restaurant scene? so predictable but lot of these were! "Excuse Me, You are Drinking MY water!"
THE ESTELLA, EDGAR AND EDISON STORYLINE WAS SOLID!
Edison's predictable crush on his teacher and the cheesy Film Verbatim apology aside, Shirley Maclaine and Hector Elizondo had good Chemistry and the sentiment was there . Despite having an affair and keeping it a secret for years, This was an actress who gave up fame for love.
THE AEROPLANE SCENE DIDN'T SUCK!
Actually it was responsible for not one but TWO Twist endings, and with a paint by numbers film like this, i was so glad!
THE LIZ AND BI-POLAR PAULA STORYLINE SUCKED!
Though it was kinda hot to hear Anne Hathaway talking Dirty, Queen Latifah was just like Music Career outside of America...A non entity!
THE SEAN STORYLINE DIDN'T EVEN BELONG!
"The Love Of The Game" is not a thing! Even in a film exploring the many facets of love!
THE ANTI-VALENTINES DAY DINNER DIDN'T SUCK!
....I've sang that song! When you are alone on this GODAWFUL! day, the whole world seems to rub it in!
THE STORYLINE WITH TAYLOR SWIFT SUCKS! JUST LIKE HER EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
Emma Roberts who can act, gets less screen like than Swift and Lautner who can't?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxqMDR9gf-Y
THE GEORGE LOPEZ STORYLINE SUCKED!
Don't be a joking stealing hack Kids!
AND NOW, THE NEXT CHAPTER OF SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN!
(In Joe-Jack's Village of Butt-Craic, Mary owned Da Shop! Like every smalltime Shopkeeper, Mary had her hands in many pies, her eyes on the money, and Her Nose in everyone's business! Her shop was also the post office, the bus stop, the internet cafe, the social services, undertakers (ran by her husband!) and the Florist for the Church. Some Out of Towners was getting married so it was at that Capacity she meet the couple...and that's when she let her opinions over-run her usual Tunnel vision for Money!)
"Father Leech, OI AM NOT SUPPLYING ME FLOWAH'S FER THAT SCANDALOUS DISPLAY INSIDE!"
"-MARY, YE CAN'T DENY DEM ANYMORE! DA LAW IS LAW AND LOVE IS LOVE AND UNDER THE LORD'S BLESSING IT WILL JUSTIFIED LIKE EVERYONE ELSES
"WHAT ABOUT DA BIBLE? PREFERABLY DA BITZ ABOU' "THEM PEOPLE!" BEING STONED!
(Inside an effeminate man stood in the cloister. He was joined by another who draped his arms around him in comfort and kissed his cheek)
THEY ARE TAKING ABOUT US! OH I KNEW DOING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!
-NOT THE MARRAIGE? YOU ARE NOT HAVING COLD FEET?
-Nononono! Julian, I love you! I mean getting married in such a horrible place!
-Stewart, this place has it's own charm! just look at the Stained Glass windows!
(Stewart did look, he looked at the Cruxifiction and said "hey, Jesus! You would understand, you had 2 Fathers", until something strange happened. Both pierced hands started to "bleed". Thinking it was a trick of the light at first, the blood pooled under the window and formed into the ghost of the Wicked Child!
" you are Wrong!"
-Excuse me?
WROOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG!
The word reverberated in the pews, knocking down things setting fire to the flowers, the outline of the spectre becoming fiery edges, the heat and the shockwave forcing back the gays!
Then she moved.
each step burning carpet and spilled items underfoot!
Stewart and Julian didn't think twice. they ran out and got into their car and never returned!)
CREDITS
Valentine's day was Reviewed, compiled and Edited into 2 Parts by Eamonn Bermingham
With Music and Media from:
In Part 1:
I hate Everything about you by 3 days Grace
Chris Rock Live
That 70's Show
Part2
"Break Up!" from Digimon Adventure 02
Monty Python's Flying Circus
Star Trek
WWE RAW
Wrestling Isn't Wrestling
All Media belong to their respected Owners
"Valentine's Day" was Produced by New Line Cinema and Distributed by Warner Bros.
All rights Reserved!
NEXT MONTH:
DUE TO MY OTHER PASSION BEING WRESTLING, WRESTLEMANIA WILL BE MY HORIZON FOR A WHILE, SO UNTIL APRIL I WILL RETURN TO THE PAST NOW! ON MY SIDE PROJECT OF CODE LYOKO! THE NEXT FILM REVIEW WILL BE MARS NEEDS MOMS IN APRIL!
Edison has stalked his teacher to the hospital. there she learns that Doctor Scumbag is indeed married!
The Big Announcement from Sean is that he is not retiring...He's Gay! In A restaurant Julia poses as a waitress to get a subtle revenge on Harrison...and if calling him a pig in front of his wife doesn't work, then maxing out his credit card for a food delivery to Cara's Party just might!
Jason Pays for his Tardiness by having a dinner in an overcrowded hotel restaurant, just then Liz (Hathaway) gets a call girl call on her phone and is outed by her boyfriend, just as behind her Morley books a room for the night. The Plane touches down and it's revealed Cooper is a rich man of some sort! who gives the Captain his limo for the night! Edison has reached the Florists demanding flowers, Reed who's depressed about losing the girl (TWICE!) Gives him "Well The Time is Right " flower (probably forgot about that didn't you?"
The Anti-Valentines Day party is in an Indian Restaurant owned by the family of a girl in Edison's class. In a Cemetery, Edgar and Jason watch a film. turns out Estella use to be an actress, and the film is one of hers. Edison is caught by Grace, because for plot convenience, her boyfriend is a delivery boy for the Restaurant , Estella finds Edgar and apologizes her apology a word for word copy for dialougue in the film shown in the background. Jason gets up and leaves angrily, him like the many others, thinking it was fake!
Edison gives his teacher the flower, however the teacher kindly rescinds the gift letting him know that Sari might like him. Grace tells Alex she is not ready, Which is a sigh of relief, because neither is he!
So Lets Finish this!
Paula gets one of Liz's Dirty Calls and plays along, Reed closes the shop, George returns home, Edgar and Estella dance in the Cementary, Bradley Turns out to be Sean's Lover in the biggest Twist in the film, Jason forgives Liz, Cara and Calvin is now a couple, bonded over how much they hate Valentine's Day...until now!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxqMDR9gf-Y
And in another twist, The Captain is Edison's mother! Julia and Reed are a couple now, leaving Morley and Harrison alone....The latter deserved it, but Morley? Bit Harsh! AND we get out-takes in the credits because if your Comedy can't be funny during it's screentime...then you just wasted a whole film!
Due to this being 11 storylines, Each will be judged Separately
REED'S STORYLINE DIDN'T SUCK...DESPITE KUSHNER!
Actually Dude, Where's My Career? naive florist is the few characters to have any growth in this film. However the Flower market comes off as a United Nations of Offensive Accents (Yassir Misser Leed, I Have your Frowers!) Mind you the treatment of someone not ready to marry was harsh!
THE CALVIN STORYLINE SUCKED!
Why Give Jamie Foxx so little screen time?
The JULIA AND HARRISON STORYLINE DIDN'T SUCK
Actually When Julia got her revenge i felt like...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJbmB9k2Y88
THE JASON STORYLINE SUCKED
THERE IS LIVING YOUR CAREER, AND THERE IS BEING A POSTBOY IN THIS FILM, WHERE YOUR TROLLEY IS SEEMINGLY SURGICALLY ATTACHED TO YOUR ARMS, LIMITING YOUR CAPACITY TO ACT! Also the crowded Restaurant scene? so predictable but lot of these were! "Excuse Me, You are Drinking MY water!"
THE ESTELLA, EDGAR AND EDISON STORYLINE WAS SOLID!
Edison's predictable crush on his teacher and the cheesy Film Verbatim apology aside, Shirley Maclaine and Hector Elizondo had good Chemistry and the sentiment was there . Despite having an affair and keeping it a secret for years, This was an actress who gave up fame for love.
THE AEROPLANE SCENE DIDN'T SUCK!
Actually it was responsible for not one but TWO Twist endings, and with a paint by numbers film like this, i was so glad!
THE LIZ AND BI-POLAR PAULA STORYLINE SUCKED!
Though it was kinda hot to hear Anne Hathaway talking Dirty, Queen Latifah was just like Music Career outside of America...A non entity!
THE SEAN STORYLINE DIDN'T EVEN BELONG!
"The Love Of The Game" is not a thing! Even in a film exploring the many facets of love!
THE ANTI-VALENTINES DAY DINNER DIDN'T SUCK!
....I've sang that song! When you are alone on this GODAWFUL! day, the whole world seems to rub it in!
THE STORYLINE WITH TAYLOR SWIFT SUCKS! JUST LIKE HER EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
Emma Roberts who can act, gets less screen like than Swift and Lautner who can't?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxqMDR9gf-Y
THE GEORGE LOPEZ STORYLINE SUCKED!
Don't be a joking stealing hack Kids!
AND NOW, THE NEXT CHAPTER OF SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN!
(In Joe-Jack's Village of Butt-Craic, Mary owned Da Shop! Like every smalltime Shopkeeper, Mary had her hands in many pies, her eyes on the money, and Her Nose in everyone's business! Her shop was also the post office, the bus stop, the internet cafe, the social services, undertakers (ran by her husband!) and the Florist for the Church. Some Out of Towners was getting married so it was at that Capacity she meet the couple...and that's when she let her opinions over-run her usual Tunnel vision for Money!)
"Father Leech, OI AM NOT SUPPLYING ME FLOWAH'S FER THAT SCANDALOUS DISPLAY INSIDE!"
"-MARY, YE CAN'T DENY DEM ANYMORE! DA LAW IS LAW AND LOVE IS LOVE AND UNDER THE LORD'S BLESSING IT WILL JUSTIFIED LIKE EVERYONE ELSES
"WHAT ABOUT DA BIBLE? PREFERABLY DA BITZ ABOU' "THEM PEOPLE!" BEING STONED!
(Inside an effeminate man stood in the cloister. He was joined by another who draped his arms around him in comfort and kissed his cheek)
THEY ARE TAKING ABOUT US! OH I KNEW DOING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!
-NOT THE MARRAIGE? YOU ARE NOT HAVING COLD FEET?
-Nononono! Julian, I love you! I mean getting married in such a horrible place!
-Stewart, this place has it's own charm! just look at the Stained Glass windows!
(Stewart did look, he looked at the Cruxifiction and said "hey, Jesus! You would understand, you had 2 Fathers", until something strange happened. Both pierced hands started to "bleed". Thinking it was a trick of the light at first, the blood pooled under the window and formed into the ghost of the Wicked Child!
" you are Wrong!"
-Excuse me?
WROOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG!
The word reverberated in the pews, knocking down things setting fire to the flowers, the outline of the spectre becoming fiery edges, the heat and the shockwave forcing back the gays!
Then she moved.
each step burning carpet and spilled items underfoot!
Stewart and Julian didn't think twice. they ran out and got into their car and never returned!)
CREDITS
Valentine's day was Reviewed, compiled and Edited into 2 Parts by Eamonn Bermingham
With Music and Media from:
In Part 1:
I hate Everything about you by 3 days Grace
Chris Rock Live
That 70's Show
Part2
"Break Up!" from Digimon Adventure 02
Monty Python's Flying Circus
Star Trek
WWE RAW
Wrestling Isn't Wrestling
All Media belong to their respected Owners
"Valentine's Day" was Produced by New Line Cinema and Distributed by Warner Bros.
All rights Reserved!
NEXT MONTH:
DUE TO MY OTHER PASSION BEING WRESTLING, WRESTLEMANIA WILL BE MY HORIZON FOR A WHILE, SO UNTIL APRIL I WILL RETURN TO THE PAST NOW! ON MY SIDE PROJECT OF CODE LYOKO! THE NEXT FILM REVIEW WILL BE MARS NEEDS MOMS IN APRIL!
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