TICKET TO HELL: MILLENNIAL CREATION MYTHS: PART 2: POKEMON: GIRATINA AND THE SKY WARRIOR!

(EAMONN'S DIALOGUE AND REVIEW IN BLACK)
(GRINDSTONE'S DIALOGUE IN PURPLE)
(DARYL'S DIALOGUE IN GREY)
(RAGE'S DIALOGUE IN GREEN)
(JOE-JACK'S DIALOGUE IN BLUE)
(ORACLE'S DIALOGUE IN RED)
LORD BARNUM'S DIALOGUE IN PASTEL PINK
TXET SDRAWKCAB NI SNAMUH 5 HTRAE
(EIGHTIES LAD'S DIALOGUE IN ORANGE!)

PART 2: GRATITUDE!
No, that's impossible!
How am I inside My Own Head?
(Turning towards Daryl and tips him on the chest playfully) Humans Eh? Yer Not in yer Own head Yer Ya Consiousness tryin' to fight against Rage Possessing ya, like he 'as in many timelines and always will!
Boss, he's starting up again!
(The Fire flickered then roared into a massive pillar, embers, licked as the fire took it shape of a humanoid Fly, Like an Egyptian God, Animal Head on a Humanoid body, Muscular, Imposing and in Pain, it said one word before it reverted back to a small fire!)
UNNNNNNNNNWHHHHHOOOOOOOOLLLLLLEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Yeah, we heard ya, the first 1000 times!
 Wait, is i am not really here, who come you are,
-Oh that's very Interesting you see, we are neither Human or From your Mind...
...It's because I am A Minor Cosmic Entity, Geddit? Dems like Fly-Boy got so involved in Playin' God wif Their Boardgames, They employed Literal Beings and Seasonal Beings to turn the flow of time! You Met and 'eard Of a Few, Santa Claus, The Elephant In The Room, Death, Old Man Misery....
-Never heard of Him
Aren't We Lucky! And Because My Job is Tendin' to the Cosmic Entities an' the now Destroyed Forge of Creation, I'm here til You Destroy Heavenscar and build a new Forge from The Destruction of Earth 1! And Daryl is here cause he works as my assistant, he's bonded to me by Quantum Too!

So why is Rage Screaming Unwhole when He has already Won?
Maybe he wants to Joins with the last piece of you...
PAUSE!
Look I know it means that you will Die But Rage's existence unchecked will we make the others and Stop time from going Stagnant! As for your friends, The other Entities Never Forget A hero, it entertains them, in the new Universe they will be restored, with  different lives, but at least they will Live!

Fine! if it saves my friends!
(Eamonn puts his hand into the flames, He say his Body destroying Buildings Flying on Steely Insectoid Wings he then saw a flash of a Heart filled with his power,)
 I Need It this Usurper is stopping me i am still UNWHOLE!
(Eamonn fell Backwards in the arms of Daryl)
...THERE...IS...ANOTHER....RAGE!
TO BE CONTINUED!

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

Continuing Onto Disc 2 of the Diamond/Pearl Special Edition Metal Case is the 11th movie overall, Giratina and the Sky Warrior.

We open to what will be your Archetypal Intro for the next 2 films also, Gotta catch em All, Explanation of what Pokemon are, Show Ash and his friends and then reveal the new toy that this film is about!

The Eponymous "Sky Warrior" is Shaymin, yes Shay-min not "Shaman", which was a shame because I was going to wax Lyrical Jokes from a Certain 90'S British Acid-House group!

Shaymin is also the "WHINY HEDGEHOG" I alluded to, and Her (Yes i know Legendaries are genderless in game, but Shaymin has a female voice so she's a she in this film!) Design is Lazy! Not Herdier levels of Lazy, but Pallette Swapping a generic drawing of a hedgehog to look like a grass-type and adding a Hibiscus to it's side is not inspired!

Shaymin is minding it's own Business, Drinking From a river, When Dialgia (From last month's film, he's the time god!) Also Stops for a drink, when From the Reflection, Something From Beyond our world Attacks Dialgia-Giratina

AKA, POKE-SATAN!
For all intensive Purposes, Whiter-Than-White Nintendo Created a Satan and a Hell it rules whilst trapped in. Even It's game Flavour text in the Pokedex, Claims it's the Renegade Pokemon, who "in time Immemorial, Rampage so hard it threatened Humanity and Pokemon alike until it was sealed away"

Now doesn't that sound like some Divine Comedy shit?

Well, the games and show maybe aimed at kids, But Pokemon when it wants to can be edgy! just look at the trailer for Detective Pikachu!

BACKSTORY!
In Gen 4, like so many games You were not Only Tasked in winning the league but to defeat The region's Evil Team, Team Rocket are Iconic, But Generation 4 saw Team Galactic, Thieves posing as an Energy Company.

In Reality, Cyrus, A stir Crazy (And Possibly Autistic) Machinist wants to Capture Palkia and Diagia and control nature to be efficient, he can make the world that Rejected him into a world that works like a machine and be a god...In Japan anyway! In Western Releases, he's plan is to "Remove Spirit" as in expunge Emotion!

However Cyrus Pissing of Existence Godzilla and Poke-Cronus only serves to Free Giratina, A shadowy Centipede that Continues it's Rampage!

So Out of the Reserve world( called Distortion World in Game) Giratina drags Dialgia to Poke-Hell!

You think Dialgia would have stopped time to drink in peace but nope! As His struggle are spied upon by An explorer trapped in the Reverse world and Some David Bowie Shoto Alien in a spacecraft called Zero!

As Shaymin gets stuck in the battle between both Gods, all 3 get dragged into the Reverse world, A world of floating rocks in an Auroral Void! The Battle causes Shaymin's flowers to wilt, Frightened The Hedgehog Shoots Seed Flare and Retreats the Satanpede!

"Curses! I've being Defeated By The Power Of LOVE!"
Yeah Now seems a good time to introduce Shaymin

You wouldn't have thought it, because of how it acts in this film, But Shaymin like all Legendaries are either Ultra Powerful Beings, Based on Myth, or Embodiments of  Nature, Physical and Metaphysical. Shaymin is The Gratitude Pokemon, making it's existence as A Chosen One Golden Child who needs to be returned via Pilgrimage

And Trust Me, Half of these Movies SUCK! Because Ash is almost a Chosen One in some Prophecy or another! But he is an Unwitting Chosen One, Shaymin is played straight, and it's whiny entitled nature winds up Everyone, So It Safe to Say no Kid will be crying, If this Hedgehog got ran over by a 18-wheeler!

So Shaymin Escape the Reverse World, after Seed Flare Causes a portal, Giratina tries to escape But Dialgia Traps Giratina in a Time Loop. Zero's Space Ship Parts the clouds and we see Zero is dressed in a Jumpsuit that resembles Giratina.

So I'm Thinking, Emo-Git, just by Haircut alone! What? Just because Giratina is Poke-Satan it doesn't mean we have Poke-Satanists!

Whilst Dialgia can fly, Shaymin Can't (SPOILERS!), And falls into a waterfall, At the end of weir in a port-town (Possibly Canaclave City, given Sinnoh is where this film's based!)  Ash and Crew are camped when a dust covered Shaymin raids the camp's food supply.

Feeling Threatened, the Shaymin uses the Seed Flare to Defend Itself. Dawn Chorales all the angry pokemon and washes the Legendary under a tap, Shaymin Reveals she can talk...By Complaining!

Fine. You want to be eaten by your Universe's Devil, Go Ahead!

Turns out Shaymin is Sick so we are stuck with her. Nurse Joy Gives Exposistion. Shaymin's Seed Flare Attack is essentially A trees Ability to Detoxify the air, weaponized, Breathing in Pollution and Expelling it as an Aurora of Seeds In raindrops. However one time, a shaymin absorbed so much Pollution, It's Seed Flare Destroyed a Forest rather than reclaiming it. Shaymin Continues to be Rude!

Shaymin demands that it is brought back to it's home in time for a festival in it's honour. But it's a long Journey. i'll say!

If this is truly Canaclave City, then the Journey Starts in the Most-Western Town, Shaymin is unlockable but can only be found in the Flower Paradise in Route 224, the Most Easternly Part of Sinnoh!

Eavesdropping are Team Rocket. Jessie James and Meowth Decide to steal Whiny Hedgehog For it's Rarity

Hugged by Dawn, Shaymin's Pink spots flower into more Hibiscus Flowers, Stirring Giratina in the Reverse World and stalks her any reflective surface, like a statue exhibit in a park, Shaymin feels it's presence and Panics, Allowing Team Rocket to Snatch Steal Shaymin, Only for Giratina to open a portal in a glass statue to suck Shaymin, Team Rocket, everyone Brock into the reverse World

The Reverse World is just that, Disjointed Reflections of our world, Houses with half rooms reflected in Square mirrors, Upside Down Landscapes, that are in fact Lakeside Buildings. It's a barren Limbo with low gravity, as close to hell without the fire and sulphur.

They are saved From Giratina by the explorer, who introduces himself as Newton Graceland, A Genius and Hero Researcher, To which Shaymin of all characters, calls him arrogant!

Graceland Explains that though Giratina can leave this world at anytime, he is puzzled to why he want's to eat Shaymin.

TO DO US ALL A FAVOUR?

Graceland leads Ash and Dawn To an Exit, Whilst On the Move, Graceland Explains that this world was in Unbalance after the Fight between Dialgia and Palkia (EDITOR NOTE-SEE LAST MONTH'S REVIEW!) Had infected The Reverse World with Poisonous Clouds of Negative Energy from the fear of the outcome of that Reality Tearing Battle, More than Usual. Blaming Dialgia and Palkia for this Disrespect on it's realm, Giratina Dragged Dialgia to kill him, But that's when Shaymin Came in, And when Shaymin used Seed Flare to make a wormhole, Dialgia put him in a Time Warp (AGAIN!) Graceland Leads Our Heroes Back To the Real World, But Team Rocket Are trapped and deputized into being Newton's assistants.

Zero is Still Tracking Giratina Who is still Trying to Surface, Brock is told everything when our heroes step from the Mirrored Statue, But Ash tell's his guide  the one warning Dr. Graceland gave him "Beware of Mirrors!" Ash turns to see Giratina Charging at full pelt, but still trapped!

That's when Zero and his magnet Pokemon Surround our heroes, fleeing, they catch a Train, Conveniently Going to the flower Garden.

Learning from the Devotees, The Flowers on Shaymin are called Gracedias and can only be grown at the flower garden, The pollen from a bouquet of said turns Shaymin from A whiny Hedgehog into flying Deer with Rainbow Dash's Voice

The Train is soon Captured by the magnet Pokemon, Thankfully Shaymin's new form is an improvement over the Whiny Bitchog and holds it's own, The devotees tell our heroes to take a ferry to the rest of the way,  one that goes through a glacial Valley
PLOT POINT!

After a set piece, Zero in his space-ship watches old video of when he was Graceland's assistant, confirming he is human, though it's pretty hard when you have a spaceship with no explanation! Giratina Surfaces and all the heroes are sucked into the Reverse World, with Zero Following suit!

Shaymin, Pikachu and Staravia (This Generation's Generic Bird Game Breaker!) Attack but just like the games, Shaymin reverts to Land forme at Night or in the presence of snow! Newton and Team Rocket are reunited with our Heroes and Zero's Motivation is revealed: I'm an Angsty Teen and Noone Understands Me, Stay Out Of My Room, Dad!

OUR VILLAIN, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!

Shaymin's Temper tantrum allows Magnemite to capture All but Team Rocket. Zero forces Shaymin to detox all the Clouds of Negativity to cause a feed Flare so big to cause Giratina to leave, But he is not Done as Giratina is Capture by Laser Cage shot by the spaceship that starts Draining PokeSatan's power!

Graceland exposists he built the Spaceship, to Absorb Giratina's power to enter the Reverse world at Will, But he realized that doing so would kill Giratina.

Trust me, I know all about Defeating the Satan from Your universe, Not fun when you take it's place!

Conveniently, the heroes have landed in the Flower Garden and Whiny Hedgehog SHINKAAAAAAAHHHHH To Rainbow Dash Deer! Finding a futurama Slow mobile All but Brock take flight, Giratina is slowly Drained, but Zero Forgot to do one thing: Change the password so Graceland hacks the system, But by Shutting down the system, Graceland has Busted the Engines, The spaceship crashes, Giratina escapes but is weakened, Shaymin uses Aromatherapy to heel it, (Despite  Aromatherapy Being a status move that improves Healing, Not heal!) And the Pokemon who once feared Poke-Satan Now Gather to play!

He's Not Bad Just Misunderstood!

But Shocker Zero is back for Round 2, His Ship has Absorbed Most of Giratina's Power as he returns to the Reverse World, there he starts Shooting at Reflections to Destroy the Real World...Only to Awakening Something in Snowpoint Temple. As a glacier Encroaches Towards the Flower Garden Until A WILD REGIGIGAS APPEARS!
...And we didn't even have to transfer The Titans from Emerald to do so!

BACKSTORY
In Generation 3 We introduced The Legendary Titans, Regirock Regiice and Registeel In Generation 4 if you had caught all 3 in the previous game you could unlock Regigas, a Moss Covered Golden Titan and a Creature of Majestic looks and Raw Strength, Strength it uses to Push back the Glacier

With all the panic The Reverse world is filled with lots of Clouds of Negativity, And Shaymin absorbed it all to Cause a Seed Flare big enough to destroy Zero! In the resulting Wormhole, Ash, Shaymin, Pikachu, And Team Rocket escape as Giratina flies off...Possibly to Regain it's strength before Destroying Us All...But next mind that Shit, Shaymin has Learned a Lesson!

THIS FILM SUCKS!
The animation quality Has Dipped (with 3d Art like the Spaceship sticking out like a sore thumb) Shaymin's voice is annoying and there is no Semblance of a plot.
NEXT MONTH: DO YOU ACCEPT ARCEUS AS YOUR LORD AND MASTER?

CREDITS
Pokemon the movie was reviewed, compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@realenli)
Pokemon: the Movie: Giratina and the sky Warrior was Produced by OLM inc and Distributed by Toho
Pokemon is the Property of Nintendo, The Pokemon Company, Creatures, and Game Freak. All rights Reserved, all media used is Property of their respective owners!

CHAPTER 3:DEATH
(Oracle had a lot on her Mind, Inside the Ministry of Science her role as Office Liaison, and become that of Chair, since a lot of the reps from other Earths feared the Breakdown of Heavenscar. Jusef had took of to Bring Joe-Jack back to the floating city and the flying motorcycle flew into view with both counterparts on. Oracle Greeted them with a smile, but her pensive body language Belied her feelings!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! EAMONN HAS BECOME THE DIVIL AGAIN!
-Focus Joe-Jack we are not here to fight Eamonn, this is an evacution, but we need to find those kidnapped by the creature from Earth 5
-Have you talked wif anyone from Earf 5
-If we Did we Wouldn't have called the likes of you, said Lord Barnum, The Eamonn from Earth 9, a world where Egypt invaded Roman and Influenced the Culture Barnum was Dressed in a Beige Tuxedo, Pink Shirt, a Scarab Choker Set with Gold and Lapis Lazuli with a Fobwatch, that matched, He wore a moutauche and Eye-shadow to announce his status as a Lord, A Merchant-Lord but a lord nonetheless, He had Many Courtesans and attendents when he came here, But it was to hide a secret. a secret, Yusef sussed out when he called him "A Perfumed Flower"
-HEY FREDDIE MERCURY, HOW IT HANGIN'?
-You will watch your Tongue, Peasant, before i have my Jackals tear it Out!
-Stop! we have Captured a Earth 5 female and it was saying something over any over, before it was killed by an attack by Eamonn. But we recorded it all

"Emoc Seilf Fo Drol Eht! EMOC SEILF FO DROL EHT! ECEIP TSOL SIH ROF DEHCRAES EH!
Su Dellortnoc Eciep Tsol Eciep Eht! EMOH MORF RAF ERA EW! EMOH SU EKAT OT DESIMORP ECIEP EHT! DIEL EH TUB! EM OT NETISL! REGNAD TAERG NI ERA NILLA! EMOC SEILF FO DROL EHT!

NONSENSE! THAT'S ALL IT IS! I PROPOSE WE JUST  ROUND UP AS MANY IN THE FOREST ZONE ALL EXECUTE THEM!

Temptin', But noah! Dere's Innocent people that needs to be rescued! You are bein' Arse-Backwards

Wait-What did you say?
I Noah, I turnz down killin' sumpthing. I must be Sick or Sumpthin'
-I mean About Arse Backwards?

(Oracle played the recording backwards. She was shocked to hear speech!)

So If Eamonn is the Lord Of Flies, given his appearance who is the Lost Piece?

From Behind the 3 A Figure deactivated a cloaking device, he had being there for all this time, but couldn't deny himself a big entrance!
-HELLO ORACLE! LETS HAVE A LITTLE CHAT!

TICKET TO HELL-MILLENNIAL CREATION MYTHS: EAMONN REVIEWS POKEMON MOVIE THE RISE OF DARKRAI:

(EAMONN'S DIALOGUE AND REVIEW IN BLACK)
(GRINDSTONE'S DIALOGUE IN PURPLE)

PART 1: NIGHTMARES
(An Unconscious Eamonn slept as a flickering light Unsettled his Slumber-Only he didn't remember falling asleep....

He also Didn't remember coming to this place....where ever "This Place" was. It was a Dark Place, cold and flat, the ground beneath him was hard and just as black, The was the thing, The Space Between him and the unseen horizon was not a night sky black or a dark room black, But a complete Perfect black, devoid of any light...except of the light that flickered beyond!

Eamonn Wondered how far the floor was to the roof, if there was a roof to begin with
(ching...)
Eamonn thought he heard a chime, he was more sure of the white Pebble he just nearly tripped over!

He picked up the pebble and looked at it. It was an unassuming stone....if it had being anywhere else, But in the in void where the only other thing was a light in the distance. This sparked Eamonn's Curiosity. he hurled the stone upwards, as it whistled out of view, the Stunt confirmed this place had  a high roof, only confirmed as it landed in the vicinity of the glow, that he was not alone

"BONK!"
-OW! Ah fer fucksakes, oos throwin' stones?

Eamonn Ran towards the fire the air went from cold and silent to sweltering and cacophonous, the fire, several feet in height...was screaming in pain. 2 beings at it's side was pleading for the flames to spare them.

One was a 2 dimensional but humanoid creature, it looked like a shadow but in this void and the only light coming from the flame, Eamonn could make out it's outline made the creature look male, and though faceless, the sad looking orbs that were it's eyes made in look friendly.

The same couldn't be said to the second Being, One Eamonn knew in passing. A Rotund, Balding man who barely fit into the dusty Jump Suit he wore, on his greasy forehead, a conductor's hat that had the word Gaffer stitched to it. Over this shoulders a length of chain held what adorned his chest, A miler's Grindstone. His Conical Nose had cast a Shadow Pointing down to his enraged scowl)

YOU!
DIS IZ YER FAULT DAT WE ARE STUCK 'ERE!

HOW IS THIS MY FAULT?

The Flame expelled it's longest as it's Brightness reached a Crescendo, the darkness failed a revealed the place they stood in had a shape

THAT OF EAMONN'S OWN HEAD!

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

Last Month, Nintendo Announced That Pokemon's 8th Generation to it's worldwide Phenomenon, Will Launch this Christmas, In conjunction with The DVD  release of Detective Pikachu, Which has already set a new standard of film Animation. Which Brings me to this point. No Other Japanese Game I can think Of has Permeated Western Culture and Remain somewhat Unscathed By Western Influence (Jelly Donuts not withstanding!)

But with the love of the games comes the cynicism of the 20+ Movies. These Movies are solely made to advertise the Monsters, Hidden behind Code in Whatever game is on the market. and WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT(!) Gamestop is holding an event to unlock these Legendaries (For money Of course!)

This Year's Ticket to Hell Features all 4 films of the Gen 4 Movies. Generation 4 consisting of Diamond, Pearl and Platinum and is my favourite gen.

And solely overlooked in the remake department!

It also Introduces the most Powerful Pokies to date!-As we review the Diamond/Pearl Special Edition Metal Case, so no Individual DVD covers to critique since i'm reading from a trade almost!

So A little of Lore for the Uninitiated

Ash Ketchum and his Pikachu travels the world on a quest to be A Pokemon Master, Consisting of doing what the Player does in the game: Capturing Monsters, training them to level up, teach them moves and win Badges from Gyms to prove himself worthy of challenging the Region's Champion.

...And fail every time!

While in XYZ his loss to Trevor was a close call, In every other Region some contrived Plot Point will always snatch Victory from Ash.

And if it wasn't for the events of this movie, what will cause Ash to lose the Sinnoh league would make fans extra Salty!

After a Narration Showing us the the Previous 3 generations of Legendary Pokemon (and 2 Pseudo-Legendaries in Unown and Lucario) We cut to Our Heroes Ash, Thirsty Singleton Brock and Dawn Still Journeying through Sinnoh, Oblivious That in the town they are going to, Literal Gods are GOING TO REKT THEIR SHIT!

We cut to a Young Researcher Reading an Old Diary of an Architect called Gordi, chronicling the last time Dialga and Palkia squared up! Only for his Equipment to go off and cause a tipped over hourglass to freeze in in free-fall!
SYMBOLISM!
In a Pocket Dimension Dialga, the Pokemon who is Time made Flesh, attacks Palkia, Basically Existential Godzilla, The Battle causes Rifts in Time and Space and when Palkia gets Damaged, The Hourglass continues to fall and Shatters!
SYMBOLISM!!!
So our heroes Head to the Site of Dawn's Next Contest

BACKSTORY!
Introduced in Generation 3, Contests were a side quest to collect Ribbons, Whilst Badges were Important to move the story along (ie: you HAD to compete for Badge, to unlock unassailable parts of the map!) Contests were added to scratch that 100% Completion Record! Dawn's whole arc is competing in Contests...Because her whole Personality Trait is The Smurfette Principle: she is the only girl so her only development is to do girly things! Contests are presented in Universe but not in game as Beauty Pageants/Dog Trick shows, it fits with her Personality. Or lack thereof!

They Run to their Next Destination, Alamos Town, Only for Brock, Their Guide to omit an Important Detail: Alamos Town is Built on a Massive Steep Island that can only be reached by Balloon

So Their pilot, Alice is not just a pilot but a Music Student

...This is going to be one of those Power of Friendship films to counteract how badass the villain is isn't We also have Team Rocket, the Bumbling Comedy Villains making their presence felt!

Alice's Balloon flies over the site of the Contest Festival, The Space-Time towers, when a gust of wind from said Building causes Turbulence, causing the researcher to Run to warn people.

During the Montage we have some world Building, Alamos Town has a Old World Charm to it, Marble Arches, Vineyards Terraces and Canals, Kinda like if Italy became the inspiration of a Region, Also compacted by the Italian Names of the characters and the Renaissance era buildings

So the Towers have a Garden, really an Excuse for the Animators to let loose with Slicker Animation to draw the antics of the creatures (Sadly i am only focusing on the pokemon that impact the film in anyway!) The Towers and Garden were Built by Gordi,  the author of the Diary the Researcher was Reading.

A fight over food is broken up by Alice who uses a Leaf to play a soothing song to calm everyone down. Alice's own Pokemon Gallade, A gladiator-gender blend (it starts female but you can CHANGE IT WITH STONES!) warns Alice something has destroyed part of the Garden, This Reveals The Baron of this land Alberto (who is CERTAINLY NOT! a villain!) He blames Darkai for this Damage, and Quickly uses his Lickilicki, A pink Hentai Monster to Attack the Researcher who is named Antonio.

As Leader of the Entire Island Antonio has come to Alberto for Help. He studies the Damaged Columns and upon Touching one, the Stone dissolves into sand, like it had aged over time!

Also Alberto and Antonio have being vying for Alice's Heart since pre-school, We also get a piece of a flashback of a young Antonio finding an Unconscious Alice!

Meanwhile Dialgia and Palkia Continue Their Scrap Causing more Tears in Reality, This time Dialgia gets hit meaning Space (Palkia) is altered as Time (Dialgia) Gets Weakened, Space caused a tombstone to be cut in half, Freeing The Nightmare Pokemon, Darkrai

For a Game for Children Making What's Essentially The Grim Reaper A character a ballsy move. Darkai looks the part, A head of wispy, white smoke on a black Muscular floating body, the white face ending in a hood over one eye, his arms ending with a black wisp on each side looking like Death's clocked robe. To add to the contrast of black and white, a Scythe shaped red Jaw covers the neck and shoulders in a nod to the source material.

Baron Alberto Attacks Darkrai who shoots a ball of Dark Void, a move that hits Ash and Puts him into a Nightmare he can feed on! In said Nightmare World, Darkrai shows Ash images of Palkia, before Pikachu shooks his owner back to life in Hospital, where he is told he has being having violent Nightmares the whole time. Antonio Leaves to research the Diary further!

That Night as the rest of Alamos host the Contest Festival, Antonio Reads more of Gordi's Diary, we learn Gordi was friends with Alicia's Grandmother, Alicia. He reads about the time Alicia saved Pokemon from Darkrai's Nightmare, however Darkai is hovering around like a staving animal. Gordi arrives to see Alicia Playing a leaf flute to calm sleeping Pokemon and Darkrai finding a home in the Garden. The Young Researcher Also finds a blueprint to the Space-time towers while on the back of the blueprints the audience sees Music notes on the back
FORESHADOWING!
The Blueprints also have a cryptic message: if two that were not to meet, fight again, Harrasion with rise once more!

Team Rocket Pose as Journalists after Baron Antonio publicly announces he Defeated Darkrai, but announces he will lead a posse to capture or kill  cause Darkrai to faint once and for all!

The next Morning, Alice takes The heroes on a tour of the Space time Towers, Alicia tells the others that Antonio is Gordi's grandson, They find the researcher on the floor asleep from an all-nighter!

Antics by the pokemon uncover music discs, The time and space Towers are in fact a Giant Mechanized Music Box
PLOT POINT!

As our heroes descend, Palkia Breaks through to our existence, Summoning Darkrai, Baron Alberto attacks the Nightmare Pokemon who starts hitting all Pokemon with Dark Void to build his power, Darkrai's Reality warping powers, along with the presence of the God of Space causes Ghosts of the victims to float over town, and turn Alberto into a LickiLicki, Antonio Surmises that the dream world is merging with our world. On top of that The entire island is stuck in a fog that Stops anyone from Leaving!

POKEMON: SILENT HILL VERSION!

Alberto, now looking like a cross between Mr Blobby and Gene Simmons, leads a posse to attack Darkrai, who quickly curb stomps everyone. Antonio's equipment picks up Palkia Floating above the towers, convincing everyone that Darkrai was saving everyone from Space Godzilla, and attacking those who got in his way! Darkai frees his victims and turning Albero back to his human form, but his celebrations on getting his looks back is short-lived as The sky turns into a galaxy as PokeCronus also breaches this world!

Palkia's presence alone dissolves matter and freeze time. Soon, the entire Island is Engulfed slowly in a Singularity!

Darkrai Protects Alice on the mistaken Identity of her Grandmother, Sparking the Flashback again with Young Alicia being Rescued from a fall by Darkrai before found unconsious by a young Antonio.  Antonio Tells Alice about "Harrasion", turns out it's the name song that sooth pokemon that Alicia thought her. So that is why the Towers are a Music Box: to stop This from Happening again! Inside and working out cryptic clues in a monument to Alicia, they find the Music Disc to play in the tower

So let's finish this!
Despite the escalating Battle, Dawn and Ash Pit the Disc into the Control Bay. Darkai Takes Dialgia Roar Of Time, Basically a Death Ray of concentrated time, at point blank, Harrassion is stuck and doesn't play, Darkrai is found, Dying, Until Darkrai makes a Heroic Sacrifice by binding himself, Dialgia and Palkia in a Dark Void. With Pikachu's Thunderbolt, the tower Plays Harrasion calming the two Gods down, The Space Time Tower Transforms into a Mechanical Bird Made of Duex EX Machina, and Alamos is Restored, Palkia's Wound is healed and Ash pleads with Palkia to Reality Stone this BITCH! and return Alamos from the Dream World. But At a cost, Darkai is Dead...OR IS HE?

Yep, Darkrai is still alive thanks to Ash...Only For A Cheap Bitch called Tobias later Catch Darkrai and screw Ash from Winning The Sinnoh League later on!

You save a guys life and that's the thanks you get?

THIS FILM IS SURPRISINGLY GOOD!
The plot has a Beauty and the Best story filled with Kindness, Prejudice, Social Justice, Forgiveness and Redemption. 3D renders of the Space Time Towers, and Reality being warped meld seamlessly into hand-drawn 2d art, which is slicker than the tv show, The Story was written with clever plot points (Like Antonio looking a a warped wooden floorboard to figure out what what was happening! and the Fight scenes)

One Bugbear that needs to be addressed now before the rest of the Series! And that is The Chosen One Immunity of Our Heroes, it's bad enough that Ash and his varying friends has stumbled into encounters world altering implications 20 times, but one instance the staircase made of Stone dissolves from Palkia's presence, so Dawn and Ash use Water Gun and Ice Beam to build an ice staircase, that doesn't even start being dissolved by Palkia's matter dissolving presence, Despite Ice being made of matter too!

Next Month Whiny Hedgehog Vs Poke-SATAN!

CREDITS
Pokemon: The movie: the Rise Of Darkrai was Reviewed and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
Pokemon: The Movie: The Rise Of Darkrai was Produced By OLM AND Distributed By Toho.
Pokemon is a trademark of Nintendo, The Pokemon Company, And GAME FREAK. All rights Reserved!

EPISODE 155: KEITH LEMON PART 2-A BLOODY PULP FAN-FICTION!

"...Is enough to make the phone into the most desirable thing ever and to make Kelly Brook jump on Keith Lemon's bones..."
-That is quite enough, Old Man! We all know what will happen if you get angry at a terrible film!
(Yusef was flanked by armed Guards with Rifles. On Yusef's Command one guard, bearing Cybernetics one could only have got during the rule of Master Control on Earth 2 took the dvd!)
Sorry, Eamonn nothing personal, Until the wormholes regulate themselves we really can't trust you so long as that thing is on you!

Eamonn Spoke his voice came out
"Oh is it because what i said to Oracle?"
-That's not the reason, But...
All i asked her is if she was Cybernetic Downstairs
....Stop!
...And if she could set herself to Vibrate on Long Lonely Nights!
(CLUNK!)
(Yusef clocked Eamonn with his cattle prods! His parasite fluttered it's wings and held him up. Eamonn's mouth opened to speak, after 5 seconds, It's Voice Came out! But it was a voice that was felt more than heard...

fOOLISH iNSIGNIFICENT iNSECT!
-I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?
mOCK mY fORM aS yOU cAN tO mASK yOUR fEAR! bUT kNOW tHAT i dO wHAT nEEDS tO bE dONE tO aVENGE mY bRETHREN...

So mister Wasp, do you have a name?
-yOU kNOW wE wELL eNOUGH!
-A Cosmic Entity Eh, I thought You were all dead after Rage's little tussle with 80'S La...
........
Oh i see, you are Rage! I get it know, you possessed Eamonn after he lost control after Eighties Lad destroyed that little disgusting ploy of posing as ghost children to turn people against us!
-tHIS oNE rEALISED mY pURPOSE is eSSENTIAL, hE kNOWS wITHOUT mY kIND the fLOW oF nATURE hAS sTOPPED, sO i lET hIM mAKE hEAVENSCAR aS a pLOY tO sTOCKPILE cULTURE aND hUMANITY tO sURVIVE tHE cOLLAPSE oF rEALITY...iNSTEAD tHIS sTOCKPILE iS a bONFIRE, tHAT wILL mAKE eAMONN...mAKE uS! iNTO a nEW rage oF A nEW rEALITY! aND tHIS wORLD iNTO a nEW fORGE oF cREATION tO rEVIVE mY lOST bRETHREN

....At the expense of all life in the Multiverse no doubt! Guards seize The God of Rage, he may be a cosmic Entity, but he has to apply to the laws of physics of this existence to be here!

(Eamonn woke up in a cell!)

Where am i? Yusef?

Ah! Back are we? I just had a nice chat with your Plus one...

Yeah, Rage! i was unconscious, But somehow i know...

Funny thing is, how does Edwin fit into this? Surely i heard that Rage entered his body and then you punched him with the Dimension Shattering Punch?

I don't know?

(SILENCE!)

-What do you plan to do with me?

Suicide Mission I'm afraid! We are going to throw you into a dead dimension so you can turn it into the Forge of Creation, Saving the flow of time, giving us time to evacuate all the people here. It does mean you will be the new Rage and the man you were will cease to exis....UGH!)

(The Earth 2 guard knocked out Yusef. He handed Eamonn the dvd!)

A GIFT FROM MY MASTER he said, this cybernetic eyes glowing like he was controlled by someone else! "FINISH WHAT WE STARTED!"

this month's theme, From the soundtrack, Keith's "father"!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIxUKbV0UEM

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE...)
Keith Lemon, the god of the lowest common Denominator, has his own movie filmed with boobs, and z-list celebs and Single Entendres and deviancy...LIKE YOU WERE EXPECTING ANYTHING ELSE? And it's shit!...LIKE YOUR WERE EXPECTING ANYTHING ELSE?

Only somewhere there is a plot, one that involves 1 million Security Poles, Keith acquiring a New Model of smart phone, a midget, a Prevailing thread about His love of Stallone Movies, a Rumour that Billy Ocean is Keith's dad, and a Foreskin Collector who Kidnaps Keith's Pregnant girlfriend to turn into a security pole)

So the Lemon Phone makes Keith (Alter ego of Leigh Francis) A Billionaire, but the money goes to his head. Mad with Wealth, he spends it on Mansions, Jewelry, and a...Penis Enlargement to impress Kelly Brook (As herself) all to Archimedes' (The late Verne Troyer) Chagrin

Winning the award for Businessman of the year, Evil Steve (also Leigh Francis)  and Rosie (Lauren Aikman)sees Keith win the award with the lingerie Model on his arm. Not thinking "Oh I will change my plan to blackmail Keith or Brook to give me money over the guilt of Keith's Pregnant Girlfriend being turned into a human Bollard!" But ...

 He goes on regardless slowly dropping Rosie into a vat of molten metal, especially since he kidnapped her on the pretense of an order of one Million Security poles


After a shameful display of Lemon splooging over himself after seeing Kelly naked before they "constipate their love!" (ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE COUNTER: 6!)
...Douglas, the Tone-Deaf Autism Stereotype heads to London despite being told that London is full of Terrorist and Gays (" I could get Stabbed! Or Bummed! or Stabbed and Bummed at the same time! or Stabbed in the bum!")
ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE: 10

Keith hosts a toga Party at his Mansion, as Douglas, still dressed as Keith crashes the party. We have more "celebrity" cameos: coming to a supermarket opening near you: Rizzle Kicks, Bez, Jason Donovan, Peter Andre, Even Gino D'Ciampo is here, probably casing the joint for Valuables, after nicking from Paul Young's Gaffe!

We also have Tinchy Strider, Ronan Keating and Back from Slumming it over here in Ireland, Ireland got Talent Judge, Denise Van Houten

A Glorified Microphone Stand with Boobs, Judging Talent?


Keith is Reunited with his rumoured father, Billy Ocean, who plays at his party, Keith's past catches up with him as Stupindar wants his cut of the Lemon phone sales, and Douglas warns Keith, who denies knowing him. Kelly confides with constant victims of Keith's Sexual Harassment game-show, Ferne Cotton and Holly Willoughby that she is every bit the gold-digger we could see from space! Douglas returns to Leeds on coach, where watching Rambo, gives him the idea to save Rosie himself!

Then from out of nowhere, we get a plot twist of a newsflash that contact with the Lemon-phone causes Facial Disfigurement. Right on cue, Kelly's face goes limp as Gary (Paddy McGuiness) Repeats his warning on money changing Keith, as All the celeb's faces change, realizing their careers are over, running for his life, he climbs his tower, Keith see's Archimedes smoking a fag, Keith Goes to commit suicide, he has a flashback of all the good times, he has an epiphany, Archimedes clutches his heart, Kelly breaks free and pushes Keith of the Balcony....Until Archimedes reveals his heart-attack was really a transformation into an Angel!

Archimedes Flies Keith Back to Leeds en route to Heaven, as Douglas becomes Rambo and hits his head on a beam, Keith crashes through the factory roof, anticlimactically killing Evil Steve, rescues Rosie, proposes to her and during the credits we see what happens next!

The 1 million security poles were turned into pump handles to the 3rd world, Keith meet his real dad, (Obviously his own real life father with a similar wig!), Rosie gave birth to triplets and whilst the facial disfigurement is permanent, Kelly had a confidence boost since Keith still wanted to bed her! As Keith puts all the past behind him to make a decent living as a Paver!

LIKE I HAD TO TELL YOU THIS FILM SUCKS!

The inside jokes to Bo Selecta are too Niche for the uninitiated, Lemon is too Infuriating to like and I would call the typical "Rags-to Riches-to Rags" story thread-bare, If it wasn't compressed between cameos and set-pieces that did NOTHING TO TELL THE STORY!

  CREDITS
Keith Lemon the movie was reviewed, compiled and Edited in 2 parts by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media and music From:
In Part 1:
Keith Lemon the Film
Silent Night, Deadly Night part 2

And Part 2:
WWE Smackdown
Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
Madagascar
and Music:
When The Going Gets Tough (The Tough Get Going!) by Billy Ocean

All Media Belong to their respective owners. All Rights Reserved!

Keith Lemon the Film was Produced by Lionsgate

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE

AN EVENT SO BIG IT CANNOT BE HELD 1 ONE MONTH!

SPRING-SUMMER 2019!

TICKET TO HELL: MILLENNIAL CREATION MYTHS STARTS IN APRIL!