Eamonn Continues to probe Men in Black International

 (PREVIOUSLY ON MEN IN BLACK 4....JUST WATCH MEN IN BLACK 1, ITS THE SAME FILM EXCEPT THE BLACK MAN IS NOW A BLACK WOMAN!)

H and M go to the Safehouse that Holds the Chess People. The Newly Christened "Pawny", played with Typical Annoying Fashion by Ken Jeung- Gives a sarcastic answer to why his race has being wiped out!)

Trust me, the character is so Annoying You wish M and H would finish the job! A pawn is useless without queen, so Pawny Histrionically Threatens to off himself.  Meanwhile Everyone who just watched this films action grind to a halt because of this universe's answer to Jar-Jar Binks just want him to...

H had pickpocketed the Stone from M's Pocket and wants to know what it is, So does MIB, Who arrive with a blockade of 5 armoured cars and 20 agents. C is planning a coup and High-T is being scapegoated. However,  High-T has warned M and H to escape. Whatever the jewel really is, Fungus was too afraid to trust MIB with it!

H draws away the traitors as M escapes with the stone, as the Dynand Return. H " Borrows" Hassar's Space Bike, as Hassar gives M a flask of water for the desert. Keep in mind Beard is nowhere to be seen, as the agents speed around uninterested Extras. Jumping over the agents they Hyperdrive into the Sahara desert, the rock reacting to sand as it reveals itself to be a shrunken Blue Dwarf Star in a crucible. 

Blue Dwarf Stars are real. And really powerful. To put it into Context, the smallest Blue star In our universe, R136a1 has a solar radius of 26 Suns using our Sun as the unit of measurement.

No wonder fungus was scared. A power source lowballed at 26 Suns, it nothing to be sniffed at....so anyway, H and M shoots off a low setting blast powered by the Blue Star for funsies, and cause a trench where the Sahara use to be!

After the failed coup, High-T dismisses C. M tells H that Fungus gave her the blue Giant Star, Because H sensed that H had changed since Paris. M calls out H on his arrogance.

BUT NEVERMIND FINALLY REVEALING WHAT HAPPENED!

Beard, who was hiding in the flask, Steals the Blue Star and escapes on Jetpack, telling the agents that "She" will pay nicely when "She" arrives.

The She in Question, is of course the Aforementioned Riza, who is revealed to be a murderer, as well as an arm's dealer. H reveals that he was on the trail to arrest Riza But Something Changed. He fell in love, but M knows that, why did M team with H off the Bat?

BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO USE YOU AS A STEPPING STONE TO BE A TOP AGENT WITHOUT BEING ON PROBATION LONGER THAN SHE WANTED!

But no, turns out calling her Martha Jones to his Doctor Who was right. We have gone into the realms of Self-Insert Romance Fanfiction that we might as well call it Code Lyoko Evolution!

With the Bike fixed, The Agents hit Riza"s Fortress on Earth, Naples. 

We Finally see Rebecca Ferguson's Riza and PPFFFFTTTT,!!!!!!!

THAT'S!? What we're building up to? Someone with Giraffe Neck who looks like a Cougar who dyed her hair to pick up Young Men at the Alt Club?. She is a gorgeous woman IRL, but this wig and Nightgown patterned dress, coupled with her long neck bones and crow's feet, makes her look like Mutton Dressed as Lamb! Couldn't they just have made her CGI?

As M climbs the cliffs of Naples, H sweet talks the despot as her Bodyguard, Luca who is a full grown Transulent, looks on. (PLOT POINT?) Riza doesn't fall for it but does confirm that she has the Blue Giant Star.

H dispatches the Human Guards, Deactivates the security system as M and Pawny infiltrate the island, as Riza tries to sell the star. Riza finds m and fights her, as H fights Luca. Riza's species has a third arm and M ties her up in a bookcase and gym Equipment, before knocking her out. H is not so lucky as The Transulent hands him his ass!, But I'm a twist everyone saw coming, the hulking beast is indeed the small teddy bear like creature M saved as a little girl.

Turns Out The Phrase Luca said before he left was a blood oath, and that's all it took for Luca to have a face turn. And Riza, the most Feared Arms Dealer in the Universe, to fold like a Kleenex!

Do You Know what Riza Really Needs?

An Island Fortress filled with Alien Weapons!

The Dynand Twins Attack the Agents, Who are Destroyed by High-T'S Electro-Gun. But Not before Saying they will protect their Planet. And so the Earth is saved, but something isn't right. The Dyands said they wanted the Blue Star to "save their planet", A Planet under Hive Control, then High-T arrives with a weapon specifically for killing Gaseous Beings. H checks the File for The Dyand species...only it's now erased by someone higher up! Even C has worked it out! M's Compass, yeah it had a tracking device, which is why High-T, who is no longer a field agent, just happened to be in Naples! And Now the Blue Giant Star is Missing and High T is going to Paris!

So Let's Wrap this up!

The Hive Invade Paris, And It's Revealed that the Invasion did not get Thwarted, In fact H had is memory wiped, Because he could never go into detail on how he defeated the Hive. Because High-T is Dead!

His Body Assimilated into the Hive as a sleeper Agent, Biding their time til the Blue Star was on Earth. With the Dynand planning to turn on them, the Hive had to Reveal themselves, But with the Bluestar powering the Portal, all worlds can be Assimilated at once. M is thrown into the portal and the vastness of space. Until Pawny rescues her with his jet pack and Grappling Hook. H gets through to High -T long enough for Molly to use the Blue Giant Star to blast the hive to Kingdom come!

And So M is made Full Agent in Mew York and H is made H is London. The Partnership is over-But at least they can have a Little Road Trip Solving Mysteries on the Downlow!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

Just like Ghostbusters 3, This is Nothing More than a mean-spirited Remake for the "Woke" Generation, Nothing as extreme as bringing back the original cast to tell the new cast how much they suck! Actually the Movie is like Power Rangers Megaforce and how that show was a failed Anniversary for that franchises 20 year anniversary: Buzzwords, catchphrases, scenes and Iconography of the Mib franchise, shoehorned in without explaining WHY! they are Iconic. Legacy Characters like Frank the Pug And the Coffee Worms get cameos and play no part in the Story. Even Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith are reduced to a 5 second Easter Egg. who had to pause your Dvd to see! Even Rip Torn's Z (RIP!) is not mentioned. As Mentioned constantly, the film is nothing more than the First film. Tessa Thompson is bland and one dimensional, Hemsworth chews scenery, Emma Thompson is wasted as just the exposistion character. And Riza looks like A granny in her frumpy dress and silver blue wig. The Mole storyline is good and Neeson keeps it afloat for a while But collapses by Every Grievance I mentioned. The production was Doomed from the start, because the Director and Producer argued on the content of the film, (It was pitched that the Dynand be 4 aliens that looked like the Beatles!) and it shows! Also i wish Pawny Died!

CREDITS

Men In Black 4 aka Men in Black International was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham

With Media From:

In Part 1

Men In Black 4

Spongebob SquarePants

Code Lyoko

Grand Theft Auto

Doctor Who

And Part 2

Men in Black

The Today Show 

Men in Black 4 is Produced By Columbia-Tristar and Property of Sony. All rights reserved. All Media used belong to their respective owners!

NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

The Storyline Continues In August with the reviewer of Dora the Explorer: Live action Movie! But July contains Bastille Day, and you know what that means! More reviews of Code Lyoko as we edge closer to the Season 4 finale!

AND NOW THE FIRST CHAPTER OF A GAME OF TWO HALVES AND NO QUARTER

Chapter 1: The Gorgon!

On a Desert Planet, Sabaru's Camera Droid Floated over a Rock Formation Broadcasting "The Game" to every planet in the Universe. The game is particular? A Demon Hunt. To prove her dying species are on par with the Cosmic Entities who play with the Souls and fate of Men. Sabaru Formed a League of Souls of Heroes to do  Challenges and arrest quarries too dangerous for the So called gods to thwarted.

Part-Spectator Sport, Part Smear Campaign!

Eamonn and 3 other Galactic G-Men. A Bird-like Human, An Troll and an Elf, Descend their airship!

"Our Target is a Gorgon, Be very Careful, The lack of any rivers or reflective Surfaces will hinder you, so stay on your toes."

It was 6 hours walking and the Gorgon was always a step away. Soon the Blistering Heat of the Sun, Became the frigid heat-Vaccuum at night. The others returned to the Ship for warmth, but Eamonn could not return with a failed first Mission. He uncovered a cave filled with Statues of Amimals with parts removed and faces of shock or Fear on them. With their Stomachs Cracked or Limbs Removed, if they could be returned to live they would have perished on the spot!

In a Quarry like Pit, the Gorgon Sleeped on a Makeshift Bed of Peeled Furs. Naked Her Skin A Gangrenous Shade. Her Breast Torn out by Sharp Claws Possibly her own. Her Stomach well Toned and Pink-tinted like a Human, contrasting her Top Body and the legless form that tapered into a green Tail, which she was holding with her clawed hands. Her Hair of snakes Vibrated like a Hive on every movement of the creatures Breathing, Her Putrid Blue lips would pull back to reveal fangs and a forked tongue from time to time!

"Ok. Found you time to cal you in..." Said Eamonn, Threading on a mouse's Skull that Broke underfoot and echoed Loudly! 

The Breathing Stopped!

(Storyline continues in August!)

Eamonn Probes Men in Black 4 (AKA MIB INTERNATIONAL)

(STORYLINE WILL START IN PART 2)

I COULD NOT FIND THE EXACT IMAGE USED IN THE BOXART FOR THE BRITISH RELEASE OF THIS FILM SO MAKE DO WITH THE CLOSEST IMAGE I CAN FIND!

 ....Yeah, After Ghostbusters 3, Maybe Keep Liam Hemsworth Away from Columbia's Franchises, M'Kay?

THE BOXART IS BORING!

It's Tessa Thompson and Liam Hemsworth Standing in front of A Logo that has characters inserted in. Unfortunately, the size of the Stars in the foreground, the shape of the logo, and the blurriness of the White they used makes these characters uninteresting.

We Open with the Columbia Logo, animated to Put Sunglasses on to turn her torch in a Neuralizer, Because just like what we saw In Emoji Movie, enough money was thrown at this to fuck around with the logo!

We Open in Paris 2016, The Eiffel Tower is Really A beacon and Two MIB Agents (Liams Hemsworth and Neeson! have being assigned to the appending Disaster. The enemy is the Hive. A generic Omnivorous Incestoid species. Cutting off the flashback at the most exciting moment. We are put into...another flashback! one twenty years prior! In Brooklyn, New York, a Small Girl obsessed with space, wakes up hearing her Parent confront what was thought to be a wild animal...Except It wasn't. The agents Foreshadow that the Creature, A Transulent, Looks Cute but can quickly become Monsters. Not Bothering to check if the child is Asleep or if the creature is on site, Molly taken by the cute appearance of the alien, Hatches An Escape Plan, Before the creature leaves it says something in his language and Molly says it back to him, as he nods and smiles!

Present Day and Molly Is A Police Graduate, But Believes In Aliens Costing her jobs In FBI AND CIA, to the point she now works in a Call Centre. But It's a cover for her to track Aliens on the Call Centre's Dime. Molly Arrives at a Would be Crash Site Covered By a Construction Site. But Pigeons flying though the fence and disappearing Reveals it's a Hologram Covering up Aliens are real...and they reveal it by showing us the most Amateur Hour Costume Ever!

Seriously?

Is this Hollywood.....Or Ed Wood?

Tailing them in a taxi and wearing her own MIB Suit. Molly sneaks into MIB headquarters only to be Captured by New Controller O (Emma Thompson) Molly Pleads not to Neuralized but recruited instea...OH COME THE FUCK ON!

THIS IS THE PLOT TO THE FIRST MOVIE!

An African American Cop Stumbles into an Alien Conspiracy, is partnered with a white Veteran after a botched mission! IT'S THE FIRST MOVIE!

DID YOU THINK WE WERE STUPID?

Oh and to prove my Point O Gives A VERBATIM! speech Z gave Will Smith at this Juncture, even shovelling in Key Phrases "Scum Of the Universe" and " I look Dahm Good In Black!", Except M(olly) tuts over the Little Cricket, that small put overpowered Gun....Because Will Smith Used that Gun but she won't because this Film is Different to the 1st film, For all of you saying, defending this, "It's Similar, But Different!"

Well....

iT'S nOT tHe sAME, iT'S dIFFERENT! 
iT'S nOT tHE sAME, iT'S dIFFERENT!

So O sends Agent M to London, Where Agent H (Hemsworth) is breaking up an Alien Alcohol Smuggling Ring (And Getting Rat-Arsed From It in the process!) When he is attacked by his hosts when his identity is rumbled. In the Fight, He's Bitten by A 3 headed Snake and Dying of Venom, The Wife of the Gangster, a Humanoid that has 2 Tentacles instead of 2 Arms is about to cure her Husband who is also dying of being Envenomated, when Agent H tells her he'll do ANYTHING for the cure!

Sure Enough, H wakes up after A night of Tentacle Woman Love (12 RATED CHILDREN'S FILM!) As Molly Boards the Train that's really a Spaceship to Europe.

After making the Obvious Joke that the biggest Asshole in British Media an Alien, We Meet T (Neeson) now High-T. The Controller of MIB London Branch, So he's not Dead, but No Longer a Field Agent So my claim of "iT'S nOT tHE sAME, iT'S dIFFERENT!" Still stands!

After first day tomfoolery, M is gifted a Compass by High T to remind her Every Journey Starts with a single step.

And knowing this franchise, watch the compass really be a dwarf star or the Chosen One Golden Child to a race of Compass-People or some shit!

In Marrakesh (Because we never would have guessed without Belly-dancer Music Blaring in the background!) The power goes out and as a man fixes a fuse-box 2 cloud like aliens shock the man to death, Melting him into a puddle and Steal his Image, Oh look Aliens Kill a man and uses his image to blend in- LIKE THE FIRST FILM! But it's two Aliens because iT'S nOT tHE sAME fILM, iT'S dIFFERENT!

The twins Go to an Antique Store to request the aliens Being Harboured, Tiny Aliens who's armour and technology Pass as Chess Pieces. These are Assassins and they have being threatened to provide their Services.

Back in London, H has Sobered Up and returned to London Base. We Learn Gustav Eiffel was in fact a MIB agent and his Tower was a Beacon to guide Alien Refugees, Before it was hijacked by the Hive. Speaking Of H and T defeated the Hive years ago. So the Burnout Agent H is still treated as a Hotshot, to the annoyance of MIB''s Quartermaster, C. A Time Controlling Alien Agent uses her powers to slow and reverses his walking past her to check him out until she's scolded, She also has a Northern English Accent!

So the Prince of the Jaibati (as in Jeibated, the gamer term for Hoodwinked, like we were Hoodwinked that this was an original film!) A humanoid Whale Species that can sense Truth from Touch, Is coming to Earth to Party, So he needs a chaperone or Trade between the planets are in Jeopardy. And Surprise, but Not Really, He's the Target for the Chess People and the Cloud twins.

In An Ovivous Twist, the rookie is Straight Laced and the Mentor is a wild-card. M meets her new partner offically by waking him up. After all Banging a Kawaii Cthulu-girl Takes it out of you!

So M and H Meet Prince Fungus in a secret Club where it's implyed that It's full of Aliens and Human Into Aliens....And it does Happen in the Extended Universe, like the Cartoon, But these are Human's going out of there way to Get STDS FROM ETS...which is completely crushes MIB mythos down a sinkhole! M has lied to H about knowing about the culture of Jaibati (Either M wants to prove herself by being teamed with the top agent and get off Probation early or M is likely gonna be written like she's the Martha to his Doctor Who!)

M and H get into an Argument about the lies they told each other (Basically , M did learn about Jaibati culture she would have known, that Females in front of the royals are treated as Gifted Concubines!) Fungus quickly Subdues himself to tell H something important, But H is too Busy Partying. Fungus grabs his hands to shake him but the glow from the tumors on his wrists startle him. The Cloud Twins Enter and Start Dancing...But them Dancing as they keep eye contact on Fungus Raises Red Flags One shoots a Bolt of Lighting that carries a small dart that Heatseeks Fungus and he collapses. He's Bundled into a car and it's less that an mile when the Car explodes and is launched 30 feet into the air, Trapping the Prince Inside. The Agents go to Arrest the Cloud Twins only for them to literally dance over the heroes. The MIB towncar is it's own Garrison, As pulling on Car Parts reveals Shelves of Guns and Ammunition held together by Hammerspace, Too Bad the twins are Cloud which means being Gaseous and incorporeal means that Bullets go through them. That when they use Heat and Magnetism to turn the metal around them into Liquid before forming it into a drill Bit to finish Fungus. Fungus in his dying Breath, Gives M an Amethyst, warning her that Something Evil Lurks in The Men in Black.

Backup Arrives, As soon as they do, the twins are Beamed onto a ship and it flies away. The Morning In the Office (Which has a Picture of Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones Fighting the Bugs-The ONLY Mention of the films before it!) The Cloud Creatures are officially the Dynand-A planet Under Hive Control-The Hive are like a combination of the Borg from Star Trek and The Kiratine from Doctor who- A Hivemind that Subjugates a Species from the cellular level and Shares out their abilities to their swollen numbers! Agent C, A bootlicker with a grudge against H, wants to Invoke ARTICLE 13!

NO WONDER FUNGUS DIDN'T TRUST MIB! THE BASTARDS WANT TO TAKE AWAY OUR MEMES!

Actually the Article is just as bad. It's a Mass Memory Wipe and firing.

But M (Not revealing the Crystal she obtained!) points out only a dozen agents knew Fungus was on Earth. There is a Mole in MIB!

High-T Now pairs M with C, AS the Quartermaster needs to arm agents with Weapons Capable of fighting Both Incorporeal and Virulent Beings. High T is sick with of H's Slacking off and Much Like what fungus said, H has Changed. M is off the Case...Not that he listens as he barges into C's R&D Department.

WHAT EVIL TRULY LURKS IN MIB? WHAT POWER DOES THE AMETHYST HOLD? WHAT ABOUT THE COMPASS?

ALL TO BE REVEALED NEXT WEDNESDAY (9/6/2021) ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE