(HEAVENSCAR CHAPTER 3-UNFIT FOR PURPOSE)
FROM THE DIARY OF ORACLE
It had being Months Since The Council Meeting and the Argument between Eamonn and his Earth 9 Counterpart, Lord Barnum, I have never seen a man fight with himself before, but The Floating City of Heavenscar is a place of wonder and terror!
The wonder made to protect Eamonn's Betrayed Psyche and the Terror The Rationale telling him to buck up against the barrages of the cruel World.
And Rationale is being waterboarded by Chi-Infused Booze!
Excessive Partying, outlandish behavior, and a cursed Arm Meant Eamonn was no Longer a functioning Member of the council. However since this city was created by Devil DVD energy, that can only be sealed by Eamonn, he was called upon every time a new rift opened!
Then he came to work Drunk!
In a House in a Barrio We (Myself and Yusef) were called to haunting, apparently a girl found a "round Mirror" and looked into it! When Eamonn went to investigate, we were told she girl was saying the same 3 words over and over....
"OH FUCK NO!" Eamonn screamed as grabbed the dvd, Teleported to the side of the city and lobbed it onto Earth 1 below!
Eamonn, what are you doing?
-to quote the "man" that made me leave Earth 1 in the 1st place, Let Over There Settle their Own Problems, Besides you want to see something Really Scary for Halloween? I'll tell you a real Spooky story, Someone Made a sequel to this!
YEAH AND DON'T GET TIRED OF THIS MEME, I WILL BE USING IT A LOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukJ8mBnWxnY
As always, we will start with the cover, We see all the original cast (except Schiender, who for some reason didn't want to be in a film with Daddy Sandler!) we also see a deer with a bra in it's antlers. Under the logo The wives are looking more pissed off then they did back in the variants of the last film. I get the feeling Grown Up 3 will be Salma Hayek Phoning her Agent!
PREVIOUSLY ON GROWNUPS
Daddy Sandler and his Man-Bitches reconnected After the Funeral of their Basketball Coach, At the Funeral 5 Busboys accused Sandler of cheating, and losing in a CHILD'S BASKETBALL GAME, made them losers for the rest of their lifes, so they challenged the heroes to a 5-5, which Lenny Throw to save face because both Lenny and Reilly had crossed the line and dragged the children into the war, We also had a Old woman fart in a tin can phone, a bunion, Breastmilk, and hot David Spade On Labrador Action!
So with all that In just the 1st film, Only one thing is left to ask...What New Fetid Depths Do we have to Plumb?
Right off the bat, we have a DEER PISSING ON ADAM SANDLER AND SALMA HAYEK!
40 SECONDS! AND I HAVE TO USE IT!
It ends with the scene from the cover, the Deer is scared off by Lenny (Sandler) throwing laundry on the deer and it leaves with one of Roxanne's (Hayek) Bras!
Meanwhile in the Levinshaw house, Eric (Kevin James) comes across his son being homeschooled by his wife, The problem is Bean is as stupid as his name!
And Remember this was the boy in the Breastmilk subplot, that was cured by Asshole Parenting, trouble is you can't steal the ability to read and write from a stranger, so this becomes a running gag, as this child with an annoying high pitched voice says stupid shit without being corrected! His Daughter Kiki is at that awkward Fashion Phase, trying to be confident and fat at the same time!
WATCH IT FAIL AS FUCK SINCE HER FATHER IS PLAYED BY AN ACTOR THAT FALLS DOWN TO MAKE THIN PEOPLE LAUGH FOR A LIVING!
In Curtis' (Rock) house, his wife has since given birth, and he hides a present in his diaper, it's Curtis and Denise's (Maya Rudolph) 20th anniversary, and SHE! has forgotten.
We cut to Marcus Higgins (SCUMBAG TYPECAST!) And wouldn't you know it, Scumbag Typecast fathered a son off-screen so we are introduced to Braden Higgins, aka NOT-Chris Helmsworth
And yes the only positive i will give now is that Rob Schiender, Adam Sandler's OG Buttock Buddy is not in this film....instead we have Nick Swardson...aka Replacement Schiender!, who plays Nick a drugged up Bi-polar Bus Driver,
Back with Lenny, who since the last film sold his agency to move back to Fernado, to spend time with his kids...complains that his wife has told him to spend time with his kids! His Son Kenny exposists that his brother, Greg has a crush on a girl but he is afraid that he is too ugly, So Lenny tells him that if you show confidence, she would care, That...is actually good advice!
BUT NEVER MIND THAT SHIT,
Let's introduce Replacement Schiender, High off his own Tits, Driving a schoolbus! Lenny, being an Asshole Parent, but still a parent, replaces Nick as he sleeps off the Vodka and ritalin in his system. He picks up Curtis, gloating that Denise forgot the anniversary and is using it as a quote "Get Out Of Jail Free Card" so he wants to host a first day of summer Disco at Lenny's. The only other fat kid in town insults Kiki's weight (HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK?) So when Kenny stands up to him, he gets threatened with a beating!
In Roxanne's Boutique, Her New Shop-Girl is infact Lenny's first "Girlfriend" back in 6th Grade, and Mrs Reilly has never moved on from a boy who once shared gum with her! This film is 1hr and 40 mins and it will be a 2-parter just to handle all the shit in this film alone!
At the school We learn that the the busboys have gained better employment from the first film. 1st Beer-Gut has become principal of the high school. It's the last day of school so Lenny is using the bus to pick up his friends so we see Eric is a big Mammie's Boy, something he is ashamed of telling his Wife!
At a Yoga studio, Roxanne discusses whether she is ready for a new child, Denise's bady teething and popping a yoga ball Providing a counter argument. John Lovett has a cameo playing a janitor, pretending to be a yoga instructor to Downblouse Women!
KEEP IT CLASSY SANDLER!
So the real instructor arrives and he is handsome, and all the wives and even a female Bodybuilder that Higgins is seeing who is never given a name beyond "Muscles". go Goo-Goo Gaa-Gaa over him, except for one thing: He's Gay!
BUT WAIT A MINUTE!
THIS IS AN ADAM SANDLER FILM! YOU JUST CAN'T SAY! YOU'RE GAY, YOU MUST SHOW IT IN THE MOST DEMEANING WAY POSSIBLE!
Hey Don't look at me, i don't make the rules!
TRUST ME IT GETS WORSE AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN ESTABLISHED A PLOT YET! BUT YOU HAVE A MONTH TO CENTRE YOURSELF BEFORE PART 2 OF THIS YEARS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL SQUATS ALL OVER YOUR TIMELINE!
ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
FROM THE DIARY OF ORACLE
It had being Months Since The Council Meeting and the Argument between Eamonn and his Earth 9 Counterpart, Lord Barnum, I have never seen a man fight with himself before, but The Floating City of Heavenscar is a place of wonder and terror!
The wonder made to protect Eamonn's Betrayed Psyche and the Terror The Rationale telling him to buck up against the barrages of the cruel World.
And Rationale is being waterboarded by Chi-Infused Booze!
Excessive Partying, outlandish behavior, and a cursed Arm Meant Eamonn was no Longer a functioning Member of the council. However since this city was created by Devil DVD energy, that can only be sealed by Eamonn, he was called upon every time a new rift opened!
Then he came to work Drunk!
In a House in a Barrio We (Myself and Yusef) were called to haunting, apparently a girl found a "round Mirror" and looked into it! When Eamonn went to investigate, we were told she girl was saying the same 3 words over and over....
"OH FUCK NO!" Eamonn screamed as grabbed the dvd, Teleported to the side of the city and lobbed it onto Earth 1 below!
Eamonn, what are you doing?
-to quote the "man" that made me leave Earth 1 in the 1st place, Let Over There Settle their Own Problems, Besides you want to see something Really Scary for Halloween? I'll tell you a real Spooky story, Someone Made a sequel to this!
YEAH AND DON'T GET TIRED OF THIS MEME, I WILL BE USING IT A LOT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukJ8mBnWxnY
As always, we will start with the cover, We see all the original cast (except Schiender, who for some reason didn't want to be in a film with Daddy Sandler!) we also see a deer with a bra in it's antlers. Under the logo The wives are looking more pissed off then they did back in the variants of the last film. I get the feeling Grown Up 3 will be Salma Hayek Phoning her Agent!
PREVIOUSLY ON GROWNUPS
Daddy Sandler and his Man-Bitches reconnected After the Funeral of their Basketball Coach, At the Funeral 5 Busboys accused Sandler of cheating, and losing in a CHILD'S BASKETBALL GAME, made them losers for the rest of their lifes, so they challenged the heroes to a 5-5, which Lenny Throw to save face because both Lenny and Reilly had crossed the line and dragged the children into the war, We also had a Old woman fart in a tin can phone, a bunion, Breastmilk, and hot David Spade On Labrador Action!
So with all that In just the 1st film, Only one thing is left to ask...What New Fetid Depths Do we have to Plumb?
Right off the bat, we have a DEER PISSING ON ADAM SANDLER AND SALMA HAYEK!
40 SECONDS! AND I HAVE TO USE IT!
It ends with the scene from the cover, the Deer is scared off by Lenny (Sandler) throwing laundry on the deer and it leaves with one of Roxanne's (Hayek) Bras!
Meanwhile in the Levinshaw house, Eric (Kevin James) comes across his son being homeschooled by his wife, The problem is Bean is as stupid as his name!
And Remember this was the boy in the Breastmilk subplot, that was cured by Asshole Parenting, trouble is you can't steal the ability to read and write from a stranger, so this becomes a running gag, as this child with an annoying high pitched voice says stupid shit without being corrected! His Daughter Kiki is at that awkward Fashion Phase, trying to be confident and fat at the same time!
WATCH IT FAIL AS FUCK SINCE HER FATHER IS PLAYED BY AN ACTOR THAT FALLS DOWN TO MAKE THIN PEOPLE LAUGH FOR A LIVING!
In Curtis' (Rock) house, his wife has since given birth, and he hides a present in his diaper, it's Curtis and Denise's (Maya Rudolph) 20th anniversary, and SHE! has forgotten.
We cut to Marcus Higgins (SCUMBAG TYPECAST!) And wouldn't you know it, Scumbag Typecast fathered a son off-screen so we are introduced to Braden Higgins, aka NOT-Chris Helmsworth
And yes the only positive i will give now is that Rob Schiender, Adam Sandler's OG Buttock Buddy is not in this film....instead we have Nick Swardson...aka Replacement Schiender!, who plays Nick a drugged up Bi-polar Bus Driver,
Back with Lenny, who since the last film sold his agency to move back to Fernado, to spend time with his kids...complains that his wife has told him to spend time with his kids! His Son Kenny exposists that his brother, Greg has a crush on a girl but he is afraid that he is too ugly, So Lenny tells him that if you show confidence, she would care, That...is actually good advice!
BUT NEVER MIND THAT SHIT,
Let's introduce Replacement Schiender, High off his own Tits, Driving a schoolbus! Lenny, being an Asshole Parent, but still a parent, replaces Nick as he sleeps off the Vodka and ritalin in his system. He picks up Curtis, gloating that Denise forgot the anniversary and is using it as a quote "Get Out Of Jail Free Card" so he wants to host a first day of summer Disco at Lenny's. The only other fat kid in town insults Kiki's weight (HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK?) So when Kenny stands up to him, he gets threatened with a beating!
In Roxanne's Boutique, Her New Shop-Girl is infact Lenny's first "Girlfriend" back in 6th Grade, and Mrs Reilly has never moved on from a boy who once shared gum with her! This film is 1hr and 40 mins and it will be a 2-parter just to handle all the shit in this film alone!
At the school We learn that the the busboys have gained better employment from the first film. 1st Beer-Gut has become principal of the high school. It's the last day of school so Lenny is using the bus to pick up his friends so we see Eric is a big Mammie's Boy, something he is ashamed of telling his Wife!
At a Yoga studio, Roxanne discusses whether she is ready for a new child, Denise's bady teething and popping a yoga ball Providing a counter argument. John Lovett has a cameo playing a janitor, pretending to be a yoga instructor to Downblouse Women!
KEEP IT CLASSY SANDLER!
So the real instructor arrives and he is handsome, and all the wives and even a female Bodybuilder that Higgins is seeing who is never given a name beyond "Muscles". go Goo-Goo Gaa-Gaa over him, except for one thing: He's Gay!
BUT WAIT A MINUTE!
THIS IS AN ADAM SANDLER FILM! YOU JUST CAN'T SAY! YOU'RE GAY, YOU MUST SHOW IT IN THE MOST DEMEANING WAY POSSIBLE!
Hey Don't look at me, i don't make the rules!
TRUST ME IT GETS WORSE AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN ESTABLISHED A PLOT YET! BUT YOU HAVE A MONTH TO CENTRE YOURSELF BEFORE PART 2 OF THIS YEARS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL SQUATS ALL OVER YOUR TIMELINE!
ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
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