(This month's theme- I mentioned the Scottish wrestler Grado (@gradowrestling). Here is his triumphant return to Scotland-and this is not edited in any way, this is REALLY his entrance Music!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BvkHWZJZDE
Welcome Everyone to the Bargain Bin White Elephant Party that is the Bogger Box Office Xmas Special. Have your ticket ready, as we reveal the final lot of the year.
Childhood.
Yes, you may guess correctly that i loved wrestling, but did you know that Ireland has a 12-hour children's tv block? Don't get too excited though! this block has cartoons and programs going back from 20-even 30 years! back.
A linchpin for all these years have being the Flintstones. Beloved by some, hated by others, the Flintstones may take it's place in history, but the jokes and ideals haven't stood the test of time! Plots including beatniks and trying to watch the fight while being in a tv black out zone, has no sway or understanding when i, now 30, watch the episodes. Oh and Lest we forget-THEY SOLD CIGARETTES TO CHILDREN!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAExoSozc2c
So I don't know who...maybe 67 year old Vince McMahon, gave the go-ahead for WWE to team with a franchise that has being extinct since the truly rubbish prequel Viva Rock Vegas, Which I will never review since their isn't enough rat poison in the world that would put me out of my misery quicker!
THE COVER IS, WELL, GOOFY!
We Start in Flintstone's Home town of Bedrock and it seems that Fred is up to old tricks: Wanting to ask Slate for a pay advance despite being late for work!
At Slate's Quarry, a familiar face is looking to be seen (or "cant be seen") for a job interview, Yes it's Former Bogger Box Office victim and the reason for the popped vein my forehead, John Cena!
...this leads to Slate firing Fred for the umpteenth million and fourth time, but not before John Saves Fred and Mr Slate from being crushed by a Stegosaurus.
John Cena just no-sold The Stegosaurus' offense!
So Fred wants to tell Wilma the family is off, until he sees her in a bikini and becomes a drooling, chauvinistic, idiot! the resulting misogyny and air-headedness and you think nothing in western animation had changed to portray women in 50 years! AVATAR: Legend of WHO? Star and Forces of WHAT? LESBIAN ROCKS? THINK OF THE CHILDREN! If you think this is is bad, wait til the "role models" the Bella Twins turn up!
So Seemingly on cue, at the Water Buffalo Lodge's Family Carnival, the "Boulda" Twins are charging $100 at a kissing booth. Not that the line of Cavemen who wants to show'em their fossilized boners seem to mind!
I Must point out that Brianna Danielson (nee Garcia) otherwise known as Brie Bella is married, and has being during the time that this was in production. Don't get me wrong, her and her sister use to spread it like butter with all the boys backstage, but after marriage to Daniel Bryan, Brie has dressed more Conservatively whilst Nikki who only survives firing by being the top man's (John Cena) girlfriend!, continues being the talent-less cum-sponge that she is!
But that's nothing compared to who's coming next! Trust me a bigger rant is coming!
After Wilma scolds Fred for being in the line, he goes over to Barney's Boxing Kangaroo (as if this film was filled with out-dated ideas before!) Barney's pet Boop-a-roo, Honky, Destroys all his opponents, in the line are Marble Henry (Mark Henry) and C.M. Punk- Rock (Phil Brooks)
You Know, the same Phil Brooks who became an Internet Hero and Firebrand when he won the title in his home town of Chicago, 1 day before his contract was expired, only to fuck off when things didn't go his way! and join Ultimate Punching And Kicking, only to STILL!(AT TIME OF WRITING) not have a single fight yet for 10 months, but don't worry I'm sure his fight with the Green FUCKING! Power Ranger will be a Barn-Burner! Because of his departure, Punk's recent actions have being whitewashed and his likeness edited from merch, the worst was having the Longest Reigning Diva's Title Reign held by Brook's Wife, April (f.k.a A.J Lee) beaten by the reign of aforementioned Talentless Cum-sponge, Nikki Bella,
Punk cuts a heel promo on a frightened Honky, This makes Barney so mad he beats the tattoos off of Punk-Rock, throwing him into Vince McMagma's (Vince McMahon, Chairman of WWE) Sushi bar. Seeing how much money people donated and getting offered a contract by Vince, Fred calls himself Barney's manager, until Betty and Wilma refuses. Punk tells Marble to pull him out of the cart but gets stung by a jellyfish.
So Fred starts recruiting Wrestler for his own Promotion to raise the money he lost. he recruits Cena, Rey Mysterio (working in an office,) The Undertaker (in a graveyard, naturally!) and Cena Tricks Daniel Bry-rock (Daniel Bryan) with "Duck Season, Rabbit Season" in a cameo, Punk and Henry return to beat up Barney but the other wrestlers arrive to run Punk and Henry Off!
So it's the 1st Night of Fred's backyard wrestling promotion in the off-season fairgrounds, Fred questions the conviction of his wrestlers when he spies Cena sleeping, Rey texting and Undertaker...watching cat-videos!
He also convinces Barney to wrestle on the premise on the promise of his family being on holiday too! Betty in a bikini as fanservice daydream nails the point home.
So Cena and Mysterio have their Match...But Fred has missed one key factor in his plan...WRESTLING IS FAKE!...And when the crowd sees Cena and Rey leaving together they demand their money back!
So it's up to Barney vs The Undertaker to win them back, Fred lowers the circus loin-cage and Barney wins the crowd by comedy and athleticism, despite being short and fat.
In other words, Barney Rubble...has become Grado!
So Naturally the wives find out their husbands plan, but at least they have enough money for their vacation and to live comfortably, so you, Children and people under 20 who never seen the Flintstones before would think this is a happy ending, that nothing or no-one will convince Fred to put all his hard earned money, especially in a scheme that actually worked and got his wife's approval for a change!
To which is say this...
(POINTS AND LAUGHS!)
After an American Beauty Daydream about Money, Fred quits the quarry and buys an expensive suit to make him look like a BOXING! Manager, as well as a pimp! he then Hires C.M.Punk-rock and Marble Henry to settle the score with Barney, without telling Barney before hand!
So he tells Barney, that he spent the money for the arena and the tv rights, hell even the suit alone wiped the funds out! Barney, refuses and Wrestlers don't seem to like the idea of Fred dropping Barney or telling them to risk injury for money, by the way, are Cena, Rey and 'Taker even getting paid? and they walk out, and it's gotten worse, Punk, Marble and the Boulda-Skanks are in the causing trouble and demanding a rematch. Fred Puts himself in the ring in Barney's place, and is manhandled by Punk and Henry and cock-teased by the 2 whores! or maybe because Fred is the richest man in wrestling in this universe and their respective real-life partners are only working Joes at a Quarry!
But Cena, Rey-Rey, and the Dead Man return to save Fred and even Cena gets a theme Music Power-up and Throws Punk so hard, he shatters the steel chair he was holding!
Even in Cartoon Form, Punk can't get over Cena!
Barney arrives and knocks the ever-loving shit out of Punk! the Wives arrive and deal with the Bouldas who realize their meal tickets have being revoked! Fred sells the Promotion to Vince McMagma, and the rights alone is enough to pay for a holiday for him, Barney, their families and even the wrestlers, Slate has given both their jobs back, because Status Quo is God in Hanna-Barbera, And just as Fred vows to relax and not do a crazy money-making scheme, the resort's tannoy says the karaoke is now a televised audition for Prehistoric Idol, Fred and Barney run like maniacs with Dollar Signs In their Eyes! HERE WE GO AGAIN!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
AND BECAUSE IT'S XMAS! I'M GONNA DOWN A WHOLE BOTTLE OF BAKING BRANDY, WHY?
BECAUSE THIS DVD SUCKS!
Hanna-Barbera have a long history of flavours of the month adding their voices to their products, with varying results. However, this was one of their worst crossovers. Keith Michael Richardson cannot do the voice of Barney, so it was strange not to hear the chucklely voice in this film. As for the animation it looks exactly like it did sixty years ago, as for the jokes, dialogue and character interactions it sounds they came out of the 60's too! As for the celebrity voice overs apart from Vince and Cena being themselves, a short cameo by Daniel Bryan and A few laughs from comically serious Undertaker, ("you're Icecream is Melting"/ "these Trunks ride up something Awful!") you can tell Phil Brooks didn't want nothing to do with this, as for the Bellas, their voices are like themselves as human beings, they are just not pleasant! Also, None of the art staff worked from meeting the wrestlers first hand it seems, as 5 foot 5 Rey Mysterio stood an equal head with 6 foot John Cena and 7 foot Undertaker, the only one not drawn off model was former Olympian weightlifter, Mark Henry.
This movie's existence is completely as odds with the edgy,
well written,
and progressive cartoons,
that Warner Bros are creating, that even their old franchises are jumping on the bandwagon.
In other words, Yet another turd in the Flintstone stable.
CREDITS
The Flintstones and WWE, Stoneage Smackdown was reviewed, compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With clips and music from
TNA IMPACT
Wilson's Cigerettes
and Music :
Like A Prayer by Madonna
All WWE names are trademarks of WWE PLC,
Flintstones WWE stoneage Smackdown was co-produced by Warner Bros and WWE Films
All Rights Reserved.
All media used belongs to their respective owners!
NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
THE TIME HAS COME!
THE ROAD HAS BEING LONG BUT WHAT STARTED 8 YEARS AGO WILL REACH IT'S DESTINATION!
THE 100TH EPISODE OF BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
JANUARY 5TH 2016!
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