EPISODE 91: EAMONN REVIEWS The Internship

 (THIS MONTH'S THEME-another knock against this film is it's terrible soundtrack, anything soundtrack that has Flashdance, Ironic and some drug-dealer crowbarring shitty lyrics onto bananarama, of all bands, deserve my disdain-so because this film is about people who never used google-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoqQnR8NOVI
Someone once said that we live in an age of miracles and wonders.

We live in a world where technology has shaped the world in the last 30 years. What was science fiction of past generations, is now reality. Communication with the world now takes minutes, crops can never be out of season, and medical science is winning our species' war with cancer.

But with all advances, there are some the last generations that get left behind- or at least that is the premise of this film using actors in their 40s, in this fish out of water buddy movie.,  the Internship.

We are.. Not at a very good start, we open on Billy (Vince Vaughn) and Nick (Owen Wilson) driving, loudly and nasally singing Alanis Morrisette's Ironic.

Thanks, I now Hate This song Even more!

Billy and Nick are jewelry salesmen and they try to sell watches to a client, there is one problem, their company has went into liquidation and they didn't know because they don't have email!

So these guys have being selling watches without a single paycheck? OK,  I know from experience that salespeople only get paid when their stock is cleared, but surely they have travel expenses and petty cash?

So having the embarrassment of having the client pay for their dinner, their boss, Sam (john Goodman) tells them that the technology of today has made watches obsolete, and tells them they are fired. After the gold watch treatment, we get a back story...oh, never mind, it's just a plot from EVERY OWEN WILSON AND VINCE VAUGHN FILM EVER MADE, EVER!

blah blah blah, pair of slackers. BLAH BLAH BLAH Wilson Can't keep it in his trousers! BLAH BLAH BLAH Vaughn has a big Mouth BLAH BLAH BLAH Crazy Scheme BLAH BLAH BLAH CRAZY ENOUGH TO WORK!
 BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH!

So Billy convinces Nick to join him getting an internship at Google, Nick is tentative, but it beats working at his sleazy Brother in Law's (Will Ferrell) Mattress Shop.

Using a Library Computer to get a job interview (I've being down that road before, nothing is more annoying than some prick too cheap to go to an internet caff, playing his/her music at full blast!) Nick and Billy get internships by bribing children and lying on their resumes

OUR HEROES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

So out of not getting sued by age diversity pressure groups and nothing else, the 2 salesmen get Internships, And after found footage of trams and Alcatraz to tell us we are in SanFran, our boys arrive in Google HQ. This makes Billy act like a dick in Google's Free Employee Coffee Shop, While Nick chats up a women , (Rose Byrne)which the audience knows is one of HR over This program
OFF COURSE SHE FUCKING IS!

Having the entire room of Genius College Kids, their presence makes them look at our heroes like outcasts, Making one British Guy become their enemy of this film, not because Brits Are Evil, but because Billy and Nick are the 1st yanks who Pronounced his name as "GRAM" AND NOT "GREY-M"! Having their seminar with Roger Charti- head of Google HR, reminds us of the one fatal flaw in their boys plan: they don't have email!

1 seminar in and the boys fail miserably, that night they plan on convincing the other to team, but become part of a team of Misfits.
And People say Nerds have no social prejudice?

So Mentored by Google P.R. Lyle, a Whigger, we also meet Mama's Boy YoYo Stand-offish Prodigy Stewart  and Token Latino Ava, who will also be the Jailbeat in the inevitable Vaughn and Wilson Wild Party Scene. Evil Brit GrahamNotGRAM! Cherrypicks the best students for his team.

So instead of listening to a seminar on Assignment on making Google Translate better (which is why it sucks!), Billy finds out Lyle has a crush on a dance teacher who works on google. Nick chats up the HR Woman and breaks out his "'Allo Gov'nur", only for the woman to reveal she's Australian!
BOOM!
DO YOU NEED SOME VASELINE?  FOR THAT BURN?
1st assignment, to rectify 200 lines of code that has a bug. It's become clear that they know nothing, mixing up the word "bug"...with the word "password". The other team members get so pissed off by the 2 bozos harping on about the human factor then they say...get this!... that they should ask the programmer himself, so the team tells them that "Charles Xavier" wrote the program, ending with the two
Goms getting a punch to the knob each from a wheelchair bound man!

GROIN ATTACK COUNTER:2

At Lunch, Team SayMyNameRightOrI'llHoldAGrudgeBecauseOfIt win the first challenge and continue to brag about winning at sports day. Billy brags about being sporty...Until it's revealed to be Quidditch! It's a filler scene, so here's the short version, team GrahamNotGRAM! Are winning Billy uses flash dance as a motivational speech, Team Lyle nearly win but GrahamNotGram has a evil gambit resulting in...
GROIN ATTACK COUNTER: 5

Nick tries asking Dana out again, but this time she's almost insulted that Nick is implying that Google is talking prominence over her personal life. Roger is not impressed by Billy Eating the Free Cafe Out of it's stock.

It's the night of the App Challenge: After the tedious "on-the-line" "joke" that made the trailer for his film, The salesmen call out the teams cynical view of the world leading us to-YOU GUESSED IT! THE WILSON/VAUGHN FILM WILD PARTY SCENE!
Turns out the dancer that Lyle has a crush on turns out to be a "DANCER" Here at the club. Billy's advice is to talk to the working stripper who just bolted when she saw people who recognised her. By the Way, Billy is Drunk, so this wouldn't have being the best advice!

So Despite that Brainfart, Lyle and Martina hit it off very well, I'm just waiting for the bit that bites them all in the ass!

...Until they get into a barfight with your stereotypical Jackass-The Film spares me from making the joke that the Guy Looks like Biff Tannen, With YoYo screaming "Don't mess with Google Interns, Bitch!" as they are carried out
BINGO! THAT'LL DO IT!
....Turns out that getting drunk has giving them the perfect idea: A security lock that stops DrunkDialing by asking Math questions! Despite only a minor case of the assbites, The DrunkDialing App outsells GrahamNotGRAM'S app by 300 sales, the team goes from strength to strength coming out of their shells as the boys finally get e-mail accounts, and Nick has a hot date with Dana!

Come on film!
Too much success, not enough drama, can you at least do something With Graham that's more evil than antagonising his fat teammate?

....Seemingly hearing my wishes, Graham,NOTGRAM! tells Billy that he knows about the lies, but rather see that Roger kick him and Nick out, he lets Billy Marinate in Self Doubt.

The Next Challenge is Manning the Google Hotline, the guys tell Billy that he cannot bullshit like he use to do selling watches on this one!

Dana falls for nick over dinner, thus clouding her judgment in a few weeks when the jobs are being announced!
Billy is struggling until Tom Gadi (who i thought when writing this 1st draft was Jack Osbourne!) appears and helps him, reminding him that he has a way, with people-a "lost art"

With that advice, Billy uses his personailty as a salesman and what he learned into a winning formula, whilst Graham just drones on with his Cieri Voice. Only for Billy Not to have pressed record. He had let Graham get in his head and he sabotaged himself like he always did, Causing Bill to quit team Lyle to rejoin Sam in a shady Motor-scooter scheme...And It could have come at a worse time as the challenge is a sales pitch, so instead of the logical answer of Nick staying behind to help the team, The other salesman ditches the team with no life experience to get the slightly better salesman back!

Turns out the Shady Motor-Scooter scheme is just that... Rent scooters to very aged, wait for them to die, make the family cough up money to remove a scooter they don't need, give it a tune up and sell rarely used motor-scooters...with all the granny-banging that would make Harry Styles Blush! But Nick has arrived and saved him like Billy saved him earlier-And he returns to make a winning sales pitch.

So Let's Finish This!
Team Lyle has failed to return but as soon as Roger goes to announce the winner, Google gets hacked by a rick roll of What a Feeling and a cartoon of Team Lyle who arrive with pizza from the pizzeria they convinced in the sales pitch, Roger recalulates the scores, since the announcement was being made at the end of work hours anyway, Meaning Team Lyle has won the internship, GrahamNOTGRAM! protests that Billy and Nick are Cons, only for Tom Gadi to reveal his character to be the Google America Majority shareholder, thus having final say, and it wouldn't be a Vaughn/Wilson Film if the evil prick didn't close his final scene with an "amusing" Injury
GROIN ATTACK COUNTER: 6
Dana kisses Nick, Yoyo stands up to his mother, Lyle Pulls Martina, Stewart pulls Eva and so the film ends with Nick and Billy gifting each other with Champagne.

GIVE IT UP BOYS, YOU'RE TOO OLD, AND YET, NOT OLD ENOUGH!

OK,obvivous bug-bear, Vaughn and Wilson are young enough to be apart of the original Internet Wave in the 90's and whildt this film would have worked with older actors-Billy Crystal and Kurtwood Smith as a deadpan, "It woluld loose the plot-advancing wild party scene. But at 40, the trademark of the duo is becoming less believeable, and are both 1 grey hair away from Annoying Talking Animal duty in the next disney film. Also Annoying is the reason why Graham is your villain -in a competition against 1000s only 1 guy singles you out-because you where the 1st yanks to mispronounce Graham? If i got angry with every non-Irish that mispronunanced my name, my garden would look like 10 Remington Place! Just Sayin'! Also you can't overlook the fact that this film is nothing more than a advertisement for Google!

In the End, The Internship, This film made me smile a few times. Not a Complete Loss, Still a Loss, Though!

CREDITS
The Internship was reviewed, compiled and Edited by EamonnNOTARMOND! Bermingham
With Music
Communication Breakdown by Led Zeppelin
The Internship was Produced by 20th century fox. All rights reserved.
All clips belong to their respective owners
Follow me on Twitter at @RealEnli

NEXT MONTH: REPLACE ROCK WITH THE VOICE OF MATER, AND REPLACE JULIE ANDREWS WITH A CHILD, AND EXPECT THE SAME FILM? YOU HAVE YOUR SHITE!
NEXT MONTH WE REVIEW TOOTH FAIRY 2!