Eamonn Reviews Arthur and The Great Adventure

Mediocrity is dirty word.
Sometimes, children, the world is not as cut-and-dry, Which is why many see the 5-star rating as a flawed system. But While the greats are held in relevance and failures in disdain, Well what of the ever increasing population of the 3-star film? That niggling film that shows up on tv at Christmas and on bank holidays? the one where critics start the paragraph with..."It's Good, But...?"

The Prequel of today's film was one such film. While it did a whole lot better in it's native France,The film's beautifully shot animation turned some heads. And 2 sequels were already greenlighted.

However, it went downhill for Luc Besson's pet project, Most critics scoffed Besson's casting "A-List actors for the sake of being as good as Shrek!", So much so, that only Jimmy Fallon is reprising his role as Beta. Also the Moral Guardians, Tore into the French Film's Moral Dissonance, as Madonna's character of Selinina was drawn in a overt sexualised way, Many scenes of the love-interests ass crack in see through jeans and cleavage, Drinking, French kissing, smoking and even a scene where Arthur uses Sleinina's cord in her corset to swing to safety was edited out!

So now the cast is replaced by D-list pop stars, in a film with no musical numbers. But what about the story?

In 2006, Came the first film, Arthur and the Invisibles, telling the story of Arthur (Freddie Highmore) who lives in 60's California with his Grandma Daisy (Mia Farrow) and this reviewers most hated trope, Useless Parents. When an Evil Development Company of Evil, wants to buy the land, Arthur shrinks to the size of a rice-grain using a magic telescope, to find a stash of rubies, free his also shrunk long-lost grandfather, become the chosen one and stop a deformed warlord from (It's put more subtlety in the film but the context is still there!) taking the princess' youth by taking her virginity!

So due to the lack of faith, both sequels in France were edited together as 1 film in it's worldwide release. but is it really that bad?

Let's Dig into Arthur and the Glorified TV Pilot and find out where the hell it went wrong!


We start in California 1963, 3 years after the events of the first film. As the sun rises, The Minimoy army whose helmets resemble specks of raspberries and Blackberries, use their incest steeds and yetis (what?) to gather Berries for the Royal Full Moon Ball, when they are attacked by bees. so the fairies fire at them with berries.


That's a bit counter Productive, isn't it?
Your main source of food is also your Primary military tactic?


The scared off bee is used to segue into the live action segment, as Arthur's dad used a honey trap to capture it. While in a yurt in their garden, the tribe who Archibald learnt of the minimoys existence makes Arthur a member of the tribe. We also learn that Arthur is allergic to bee stings...too bad it doesn't stop Arthur from freeing the bee with little fear of dying.


As a present for passing the test, Archibald gives Arthur a train for his train set.
PLOT ITEM!


...Oh, and in the 3 years between the events of both films...Arthur's mother has no idea about the fairies, the African tribesmen in her garden or even how HER FATHER!,-Yes! Archibald is HER FATHER-returned 3 years after being presumed dead! There's Audience surrogates and there's just plain stupidity.


An over the top scare chord harkens the Not-Hugh Laurie who plays Dad to tell the family that are leaving tonight. An upset Arthur packs his things when a spider gives Arthur a rice grain with a message engraved on it.
"Remember To Always Drink Your Ovaltine?"


NO! OF COURSE NOT!
It's a distress Message.
Arthur performs a bait-and-switch with a blanket and his dog, that really ends with the conclusion that rose thinks her son has turned into a werewolf, and returns to the garden where the tribe performs the ritual with the telescope to turn Arthur into a Minimoy.


Our hero lands into Max's Club (First Played by Snoop Liony Lion, now played by Wyclif Jean), who tells about a new villain, Lord-Not-Shown-In-This-Film! and his army of unicorns. But Max still ferries Arthur on his ladybird shaped airship to Paradise Alley, Basically a fairy version of South Beach, Miami.


After a homage to Total Recall, Max finds his cousin Replay (Stacey "Fergie" Ferguson, who sounds like Tara Strong...With a Head Cold!), For the word on the street, just as it happens behind Max's and Arthur's backs, Beta,(Jimmy Fallon) is arrested by Unicorns, hideous Zombies with apropos Headgear.


Arthur and Beta escape into his house, losing the unicorns one by one, Wanting to see Selinina (Selina Gomez, replacing Madonna ) again, Arthur finds her captured by Maltarzard, (The Late Lou Reed, who matches the design of THE EVIL M more than Bowie ever did!), Whose plan is to grow human size and... YOU GUESSED IT! TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=X8u7px_GzWQ

Naturally, the now Six Foot incestoid with one arm stands out so he kidnaps a plastic surgeon to make him look human. Back to our heroes, Arthur devises a plan to make it up to Archibald's study to "borrow" a Reserving Potion, by to taking a bubble up a waterpipe. It's there they encounter Darkos(iggy Pop), Maltarzard's Evil but dim-witted son.

Maltarzard, disguised as a magician with very rough features and unhealed scars, enters Arthurs house to kill his old enemy Archibald, but with his family present, the villain bides his time, especially when Rose insensitively screams and faints at the sight of him. Darkos escapes the waterpipe and chases the trio on a toy motorbike, but a fight that destroys the toy train sees him off.

Archibald uncovers Maltazard who in the film was rotting because and I quote from the first film, by "the decadent living and many "interactions" with all life-forms" is now an admirer of Mia Farrow and her cooking.

But Arthur's plan fails when Archibald gives the Potion to M. And his plan is revealed: Grow his army, Destroy California as an example to Archibald, take over the world...And Make Daisy(Farrow) make him a chocolate pie every Sunday.

Being abandoned by his father, Darkos has a Face Turn as the 3 minomoys board a toy plane, but M has already grown his Army. Selinina has attracted a bee to take them to the hive, as the potion is pure royal Jelly but Arthur brings up the allergy, not like that stop him before! Said Bee convinces the queen to give the Jelly to the minimoys, Just as Arthur's Duh-Brain parents and fire-fighters come to spray pesticide. Using the bees to convey a message to Rose, the ever unreliable Mother faints as dad saves her by causing a Zoo-keeper-Esque Pratfall

The fire-fighters are called off as the invasion intensifies, Arthur drinks the potion and becomes human again and steals Dad's fixed car. Archibald, who the entire time had a whole batch of Reversing Potion grows darkos to human size and also drives into town.

Arthus and M's guard battle in a supermarket and hi-jacks a mosquito to have an air-joust but he gets captured.

Maltarzard convinces Darkos, who nearly kills his father, to re-join his cause, only for the M to betray him further. Selininia and Beta stings M with a bee covered in Reserving Potion as the U.S. Army subdues the Evil M Army and so the film ends with Our human heroes having a tea party and Daisy serving Maltazard, imprisoned under a glass, a piece of chocolate pie, without lifting the glass, this make him do the "CURSES!" Pose, As Darkos sings "Rebel, Rebel" over the credits.
Because Iggy Pop's Darkos Voice was such a Joy to listen to, right?
LISTEN TO THIS SHIT!-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTDa00o-EtI
THIS FILM SUCKS!
AAAARRRRGH!
WHERE DID IT GO WRONG?
Was there Executive Meddling to change a very original evil overload, into a cake loving pansy who just did evil things to get people to like him? The 1st film's animation was beautiful, Lip syncing aside, as you would expect from a visual creator like monsieur Besson, This go-around, like I said felt more like a tv pilot. Most blended films, especially the cheaply made ones, but more emphasis on the live-action, and oh boy did I had to suffer the "comedy stylings of the Hugh Laurie and Kirsten Wiig Stand-ins playing Arthurs Parents. Put those scenes next to any seen with Jimmy Fallon having Dialogue, and it's too much to bear. In Short, The Moral Guardians Ruined another Franchise.

CREDITS
Arthur and the Great Adventure- separately known as Arthur and the revenge of Maltazard and Arthur and Final battle in France-Was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham
With Clips from
Street fighter
Arthur and the Great Adventure.
Arthur and The Minimoys franchise is distributed by Universal Studios.
All Rights Reserved.
All clips belong to their respective owners.
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