(JOE-JACK'S LINES IN BLUE!)
(SATANICOSTRICH'S LINES IN RED!)
(JOE-JACK SPEAKS WITH AN ACCENT, SO AS ARTISTIC LICENCE, ALL SPELLING MISTAKES ARE INTENTIONAL.
Without an explanation to where he was, why he thought he was Missing for a year, or who or what was Sabaru, Eamonn pressed his Police-like Badge over his Heart and was teleported. Expecting the others to follow him..except Eamonn still has destroyed the Express Train to Hell.
YA! JUS' TELEMAPORT AWAY, YA BOLLIX!
OH THAT'S FINE(!) WE DIDN'T NEED A LIFT TO A DIFFERENT PLANET(!) WE HAVE ARE OUR INTERDIMENSIONAL VEHICLE THAT WASN'T DESTROYED BY A METEORI....OH WAIT(!) (Sigh!) Well looks like looks like i have to make another one!
An' 'ow long iz dat gonna tak'?
With all the negativity from the Rona? (Ostrich bathed itself in Flames! He then expunged all the energy From his beak as molten Metal. Using his fingers like a Grand Maestro, he moulded the smelting heap into a new Express Train to Hell.
.....Yeah, 5 MINUTES, NOT MY PERSONAL BEST!
-Weight, y'mean ya coulda made a new one, all da tiome?
-Of course!
-DEN WHY DIDYA MAK' A BIG DEAL ABOU' EAMONN DESTROYIN' IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?
-UH, I'M THE DEVIL OF YOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE! MAKING SURE MORTALS ARE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE SHIT SHOULD TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR? THATS WHAT I DO!
The only thing I Need now is a power source, A Devil's DVD! Luckily we have one to review right here!
(AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!)
So Da Fillum Startz wif Ant-Man Drivin' his Girlfriend to Land in the middle ov da noight!
2 Yuppies Leave A Sportscar In the Dead of night, In A Vacant Lot, In A Los Angeles Project-WITHOUT KEVLAR?
So Ant-Man Propose to Dis Gurl called Zoe, who calls her Friendz, a mouthy girl and a Bad Marriage Bird!
THESE ARE YOUR COMIC RELIEF! You'll get more Relief Wiping your Ass with Sandpaper and it would Hurt Less, Too!
So Zoe Meets Da Parents, Ma Was a Estate Agent like wot Ant-man iz now iz! And Da was a YOU-PEE-ASS Man So da family Moved a lot Meanin' Ant-Man didn't make much friendz
Oh and fresh off Sandler Killing his Film career before it started, Andy Samberg plays Robbie, Peter's Gay Brother and that's all the Character Development He'll get! He's Peter's Brother, and HE GAY! THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!
Aftah Da tells us that 12 yar old Peter had Pubes like a Brillo Pad, Da & Robbie exclaim Him focusing on Girls earlier meant Boys got Jealous and never became friends. So Peter has no choices for Best Man.
It Doesn't Help that at Work Most of his Colleagues at the Realtor are Women and the only Male, named Tevin, is a Sexual Harassment Lawsuit waiting to happen!
We 'ave a funny moment where at Fencin' Club, we Show that Every Sport has Jocks, Even Though you can't sound Hard pronouncin' French Words. Turns out one of the Fencah's is also getting Married to they will too busy with dere Weddin' plans!
So Peter Sneaks Back During Ladies Night to Prepare Root Beer Floats and overhears them talk about being a sissy Because he doesnt have Male friends that strike a Medium between Tevin and the Fencers
Ant-Man Gets Help From Gay Brother. who is a Personal Trainer, Who pick up Straight men who might be, y'know....A BIT DIDDLEY!
We have a Montage of Peter's Family and Friends finding Male friends for Peter to make, Including a Riot at a soccer game made a squeaky voiced man. A Dinner with a Gay Man who kisses Peter and Peter being Catfished by an Old Dude! And it ends with Peter Puking over Bad Marriage Barry after he is challenged to a Speed Drinking Game!
So Finally Zoe is tol' dat Ant-man has being tryin to make Male friends aftah eavesdroppin' da Gurls Nioght!
The Next Day at work, Peter is selling Lou Ferringo's Penthouse when he Sees A Man, (Jason Segel!) eating the Barbeque he set out.
Seagull is a Dude-Bro, Everything Ant-Man Aint! Sydney Fife and Antman exchange Numbahs! Now he's acting like a woman expectin' him to call!
Swinging by Zoe's Seamstress Company, Peter learns that Mouthy Girl and Bad marriage Girl know about the Man-dates when Peter gets a call back from Sydney!
So Sydney Comes off a Mixture of Drinking Buddy, Clown and Pub Trivia buff and Him And Ant-Man become friends! Ant-man can't do impressions, in a runnin' joke that everyone thinks he sounds like a Leprechaun!
Tevin Raids Peter's Cubicle about Not selling Lou Ferringo's home. He Brags about having an Aggressive Ad Campaign, Including his face on Urinal Cakes!
("When I Client comes to me, they are like "Do I Know You" DAHM STRAIGHT! YOU PISSED ON MY FACE!") Kinky, aren't we?
So Ant-Man Meats Sydney While Walkin' his Dog. He winges abou' Tevin, but he's tole knot to tak' prisionahs. Sydney loses it when a Bodybuilder threatens him aftah stepping in dog-shite! It's here Ant-man Realizes Sid may be a few cardz short of a picnic!
Sydney Reasons that letting out feelings of Aggression is cathartic, So he Asks Peter to follow him under the boardwalk so they can scream without being caught!....OH I THINK I'VE SEEN THIS PIECE OF "ART" BEFORE! And just like an OFFBRAND film, they go straight to the closest house!
(END OF PART 1 OF PART 1...
COME BACK NEXT WEEK ON TUESDAY THE 5TH FOR THE SECOND HALF AND THE ARRIVIAL ON HARMORIS...SEEMINGLY AN EDEN IN SPACE...WITH A DARK SECRET BEING HARBOURED!
ONLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!
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