(WE OPEN IN THE BOWELS OF HELL, EARTH 1! AKA OUR EARTH! OUR WORLD'S SATAN-THE SATANICOSTRICH IS TASKED IN KEEPING THE ORDER OF MORALITY IN THE UNIVERSE, WHILE THE COSMIC ENTITIES CONTINUE TO WILE AWAY THE EONS PLAYING WITH THE SOULS OF MAN IN THEIR BOARDGAMES, SATAN WAS ONCE ENVIOUS, EVEN UNDERAPPRECIATED BY THE GOD-LIKE BEINGS, ONCE HE WAS SO SOUNDLY DEFEATED BY EAMONN, WHO WAS BACK THEN WAS JUST A LOWLY INTERNET REVIEWER WITH A PIECE OF HELL STUCK IN HIS FIST, AND FOR HIM TO BE DEFEATED BY A HUMAN WITH A SCRAP OF HIS OWN POWER BY ONE PUNCH! HUMILIATED HIM TO THE POINT OF HIM RETIRING AS SATAN,
BIG MISTAKE!
WITHOUT A SATAN TRAPPED IN THE 9TH RING OF HELL, THE WICKEDNESS OF THIS WORLD POURED OUT (As written in the Suffer Little Children Arc), It was only by returning Ostrich to Hell and Destroying Silent Hill (As Written in Ticket to Hell: DahmNation), that Satan required a new lease on his job, something that the very Linear-minded Entities Never Did!)
(So Inside the Ice Prison of the SatanicOstrich, The androgynous Bird-man was painting his nail while on his bed in his lingerie, talking to the various other evils of the multiverse about having a big sexy party when Earth was going to be crushed by a meteor! When he sensed something, Across the otherside of the Galaxy, The Express Train to Hell, the Inter-dimesional Vehicle used to bring and rescue Heroes to and from their demise, Mangled in the Meteor! that is when the ice Prison started to melt!)
THIS IS NOT GOOD! I'M NOW FREE! BUT IF I'M FREE THEN THAT MEANS EARTH IS MORE IN DANGER THAN I CAN EVER CREATE!
I'm heading up to the Surface to deal with this-He said manifesting to into smoke to enter are world through a geyser in Iceland! It would take a few days to Reach Ireland.
AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
So we know Owen Wilson's Career has taken a dive if he's selling sofas to the backsides of Britain, But do you know who else in this film has seemingly fallen off the face of the Earth?
Uma Thurman.
And this film where she plays a Superpowered Yandere who attacks her ex using Said Powers "Fir Funnehs!" Might be the reason.
So Here we have our cover. It's Thurman crushing the bonnet of a car with her foot. As Owen Wilson in his brunette, fresh cut Serious Actor-phrase. If we are getting that Owen Wilson, and not the WOW! Guy!, this film has already lost it. Wilson has such an expressive face that him not looking shocked or perplexed is strange. Here he looks like he is suppressing the need to sneeze!
Also Something is off about the Captain Morgan pose by Thurman, the force of impact seems be under her toes....except anyone who has ever thrown a kick to hurt another person would tell you all the power of a kick comes from the heel. and the thin heels on her boots, too impractical for this job!
Starting in New York, Seriously with the amount of films that take place in NYC, People might believe I hate the Big Apple!
We Open with a Jewelry Heist, Foiled by the powers of G-girl (Thurman) What does the G stand for? Nobody knows! It become a Lampshade for Both Wilsons to hang later on! All we know is that she has a Capital G belt Buckle, So maybe she is one of those Gucci Gang Cretins!
So she has Generic Powers, Flight, Super Strength, Invulnerability from Bullets she shows off by bending a rifle! God I wish there was still a GIF of Johnny 5 crushing a gun to make that joke!
The Foiled Heist is Read about the next day on the Subway by Matt (Wilson) and Vaughn (Wilson...Rainn Wilson, THAT IS!) They spot a Nerdy, but Oddly Attractive Woman Sitting Next to them (Thurman). Vaughn bets Matt to ask her out, only to be shot down by Totally Not G-Girl! That is until her bag gets stolen! So Matt chases after him.
So The Thief Drops the bag, but Matt calling the Thief names backfires when he returns with a lead pipe, forcing Matt to Hide in a dumpster. He jumps out, only to see the woman there, Matt returns the bag to Jenny, and she agrees to a date, a cutaway shot shows us the thief slowly being hanged by a railing...Just for a bag!
This is what we call Character Establishment, Nearly killing a thief over her Bag being stolen shows us how Prideful G-girl is. and what she would do if that pride is damaged, as we will see!
So Matt and Vaughn are Architects and Matt has a very attractive assistant called Hannah (Anna Faris) and their boss in Carla (Wanda Sykes), Both I have never seen in a good film, as if we weren't wading waist high already in Celluloid Shit!
At Dinner, Jenny hears distress and sirens as Matt talks about himself, so Jenny leaves for the bathroom, Which Triggers Matt to call Vaughn about Jenny Blowing him off, Only for Vaughn to tell Matt he is front and centre to a fire being extinguished by G-Girl. When Jenny returns, she is covered in Ash and doesn't realizes!
END OF PART 1
BIG MISTAKE!
WITHOUT A SATAN TRAPPED IN THE 9TH RING OF HELL, THE WICKEDNESS OF THIS WORLD POURED OUT (As written in the Suffer Little Children Arc), It was only by returning Ostrich to Hell and Destroying Silent Hill (As Written in Ticket to Hell: DahmNation), that Satan required a new lease on his job, something that the very Linear-minded Entities Never Did!)
(So Inside the Ice Prison of the SatanicOstrich, The androgynous Bird-man was painting his nail while on his bed in his lingerie, talking to the various other evils of the multiverse about having a big sexy party when Earth was going to be crushed by a meteor! When he sensed something, Across the otherside of the Galaxy, The Express Train to Hell, the Inter-dimesional Vehicle used to bring and rescue Heroes to and from their demise, Mangled in the Meteor! that is when the ice Prison started to melt!)
THIS IS NOT GOOD! I'M NOW FREE! BUT IF I'M FREE THEN THAT MEANS EARTH IS MORE IN DANGER THAN I CAN EVER CREATE!
I'm heading up to the Surface to deal with this-He said manifesting to into smoke to enter are world through a geyser in Iceland! It would take a few days to Reach Ireland.
AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
So we know Owen Wilson's Career has taken a dive if he's selling sofas to the backsides of Britain, But do you know who else in this film has seemingly fallen off the face of the Earth?
Uma Thurman.
And this film where she plays a Superpowered Yandere who attacks her ex using Said Powers "Fir Funnehs!" Might be the reason.
So Here we have our cover. It's Thurman crushing the bonnet of a car with her foot. As Owen Wilson in his brunette, fresh cut Serious Actor-phrase. If we are getting that Owen Wilson, and not the WOW! Guy!, this film has already lost it. Wilson has such an expressive face that him not looking shocked or perplexed is strange. Here he looks like he is suppressing the need to sneeze!
Also Something is off about the Captain Morgan pose by Thurman, the force of impact seems be under her toes....except anyone who has ever thrown a kick to hurt another person would tell you all the power of a kick comes from the heel. and the thin heels on her boots, too impractical for this job!
Starting in New York, Seriously with the amount of films that take place in NYC, People might believe I hate the Big Apple!
We Open with a Jewelry Heist, Foiled by the powers of G-girl (Thurman) What does the G stand for? Nobody knows! It become a Lampshade for Both Wilsons to hang later on! All we know is that she has a Capital G belt Buckle, So maybe she is one of those Gucci Gang Cretins!
So she has Generic Powers, Flight, Super Strength, Invulnerability from Bullets she shows off by bending a rifle! God I wish there was still a GIF of Johnny 5 crushing a gun to make that joke!
The Foiled Heist is Read about the next day on the Subway by Matt (Wilson) and Vaughn (Wilson...Rainn Wilson, THAT IS!) They spot a Nerdy, but Oddly Attractive Woman Sitting Next to them (Thurman). Vaughn bets Matt to ask her out, only to be shot down by Totally Not G-Girl! That is until her bag gets stolen! So Matt chases after him.
So The Thief Drops the bag, but Matt calling the Thief names backfires when he returns with a lead pipe, forcing Matt to Hide in a dumpster. He jumps out, only to see the woman there, Matt returns the bag to Jenny, and she agrees to a date, a cutaway shot shows us the thief slowly being hanged by a railing...Just for a bag!
This is what we call Character Establishment, Nearly killing a thief over her Bag being stolen shows us how Prideful G-girl is. and what she would do if that pride is damaged, as we will see!
So Matt and Vaughn are Architects and Matt has a very attractive assistant called Hannah (Anna Faris) and their boss in Carla (Wanda Sykes), Both I have never seen in a good film, as if we weren't wading waist high already in Celluloid Shit!
At Dinner, Jenny hears distress and sirens as Matt talks about himself, so Jenny leaves for the bathroom, Which Triggers Matt to call Vaughn about Jenny Blowing him off, Only for Vaughn to tell Matt he is front and centre to a fire being extinguished by G-Girl. When Jenny returns, she is covered in Ash and doesn't realizes!
END OF PART 1
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