THIS IS PART 3...
Find part 1 here
Find part 2 here
(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE AND ENLIGHTENED TOWERS...
The fight to save the very right to be human beings is on . The Leader, an Eamonn from another world, one that holds the powers of nature has invaded our world with the intention of purging the minds of people to make an Atheist Utopia. However, the airship was destroyed in the last chapter, so why is Yusef and Oracle so Scared?
(Eamonn woke in a dazzling light. Standing with the gauntlets still exuding power, The Leader raised his head, his eyes still dilated, like on some high. Suddenly from all directions after images of people's silleoettes appeared.)
Look at them Eamonn, these are all the people of your world scurrying around like ants, oblivious to the fight that will happen to save them. Why? Why save these people who will destroy themselves?
So You Can Destroy them?
No. I saved my ungrateful people. The moment I shut their eyes from the futility of self and Spirit, I made those I could save stronger!
(A image of a woman stopped walking, and Started Screaming! Next an elderly man started to clutch his head and screamed. Soon a million voices of both genders and all ages screamed in shared anguish. Then the bodies erupted in flames! Covering his face thinking the illusion was real, he was shocked to see people standing in the inferno, with the same psychotic smile Leader was wearing.)
You would kill so many to recruit so few?
-GLORIOUS ISN'T IT?
-you are a hypocrite...
-WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I Said HYPOCRITE!
You have become the one thing you hate!
You destroy lives and expect people to love you!
YOU HAVE BECOME GOD!
The eyes that were unfocused were now steely staring at Eamonn.
He swung his arms and broke the dimension like glass. Both Eamonns now stood in an arena. The Final Battle Has Begun!
AND NOW! OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc (YEAH! THAT BAD!)
It's Been a year since we reviewed an Adam Sandler film, and 2 since I watched one with Jennifer Aniston.
Let's Remedy that, Shall We?
The Cover is Just Seedy!
In the Background, Brooklyn Decker is Doing a Male Gaze Pose in a bikini. In the foreground, Sandler's Shit Eating Grin and Aniston's Dead Eye Expression makes it look like Adam Just Asked Jen's Permission to do Unspeakable things to Brooklyn!
Once again, this film was made by Happy Madison Productions, Sandler's own Film-Haas of Horrors.
The Film Starts in 1988, and a wedding party of Italian American Stereotypes. the bride, Verruca (it's Funny that Americans think it's a real name for girls), forgets her veil, her future sister in law goes to get it. All of Danny's (Sandler) family have big noses, and Danny overhears Verruca saying she is only marrying the doctor for his money.
At a bar, feeling sorry for himself, he soon learns wearing a wedding ring is handy for picking up one night stands.
...And That is where we no longer feel sorry for Sandler, BECAUSE THE JERK NEEDS TO LEARN A LESSON, BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
20 years of this horrible, misogynistic philosophy, Danny now plastic surgeon and his new nose, leaves a trail of broken hearts and empty beds for 2 Decades.
We cut to the Practice of Dr Danny Maccabee, where we meet his assistant, Catherine (aniston) and his brother Eddie , a man who despite his penis enlargement surgery has no game with the ladies. In fact, all the men in this family are obsessed with plastic surgery to do more than correct their noses, as Uncle Donny, who is hosting a party, can't even swallow liquid with the amount of surgery he had done! A teenage hormone trips and bursts open his knee seeing his first rack, as Danny takes his ring off to stitch him up, he even asks him who she was ( Because asking a child who to pull is so SANDLER FILM!) He meets her, A woman called Palmer, a Beautiful, smart and well rounded Maths Teacher, Danny hits it off with her, and falls for Completely.
-SO LET'S SEE HOW THIS FILM RUINS IT!
Finding Danny's ring in his trouser Pocket, Palmer gets angry that Danny didn't tell her he was married, so Danny starts his "abusive wife" lie...only for Palmer to walk off. Convinced she is "the one" Danny goes to her workplace to tell her the lie and that he is getting divorced from her. Palmer doesn't believe Danny, but is willing to go out with him...AS LONG AS SHE HEARS THE SAME STORY FROM THE WOMAN HERSELF!
And that is when Danny gets an idea, A STUPID IDEA, AN IDEA SO STUPID IT CAN ONLY BE THE PLOT WORTHY ENOUGH FOR THIS BLOG'S SEASON FINALE!
GET HIS ASSISTANT TO POSE AS HIS WIFE!
So when he asks Catherine to do this, she has bought her kids. Maggie, an inspiring Actress who in the rest of this film will talk in the most annoying Cock-A-Nee Accent who wants to work with the greatest actor of all time, Dolph Lundgren (Snigger~!), and Michael, who's whole character drive is swimming with Dolphins in Hawaii, that's it!
Catherine tells Danny that she had a nemesis in high school called, Devlin. one who was the biggest fake she ever knew, and if anyone called her out, she would challenge them to a game because she lived on drama!
...what a very strange thing to say out of the blue like that! And I'M SURE THIS WOMAN YOU BOUGHT UP OUT OF NOWHERE, FOR NO REASON IS NEVER MENTIONED OF EVER AGAIN (!)
To Maintain The Lie, Danny spares no expense in turning Catherine into "Devlin", a slutty, couture-dressed bunny boiler...it works!.....Until Cath's incompetent Velly Eh-Shawn Nanny reveals the children's existence ("You go call mommy, I Too Busy Praying Candy Clush!-ACTUAL QUOTE FROM THIS FILM!) Palmer overhears and now feels guilty about being a home wrecker, But Palmer loves kids and would like to meet them. Catherine's kids are now part of the scam, the fee? acting lessons and unlimited Chuck. E. Cheese Tokens. Catherine is angry that her kids are now in the fold, but Danny blames her for Palmer overhearing her kids! (Yeah! How dare a Single Mother Answer a phonecall from her children?) besides Catherine has a date with her own boyfriend, a rival doctor called Bryan (also Sandler) who's entire existence is that he is a hippy with a goatee that looks like an Erect Penis!
So Maggie and Michael become Kikidee and Barto Maccabee, meeting Palmer in the scenario that makes Adam Sandler film's more insufferable, a Chuck. E. Cheese filled with Terrible Child Actors! Danny has to lie to cover Maggie speaking in the Cockney accent. Michael realising how much coin Unlimited tokens actually cost, Tells Palmer that "daddy" promised him to go to Hawaii to swim with dolphins! And that's how we end up there!
Paying for a 12k suite (because if you are going to impress girls with lies, why not go all out!) The Maccabes land in Hawaii with Eddie in tow, as "Devlin's" new husband "Dolph" mainly because he sexted the wife of a mma Fighter!
That Night At Dinner, who should turn up, but the real Devlin (Nicole Kidman) here with her husband, a millionaire called Alphonse,With Devlin rubbing her nose in, Catherine retaliates by saying Danny is her husband, Learning that Catherine is using her name Devlin, Devlin challenges her to a game later on! Catherine's lies to this Woman-GET THIS-Actually turns Danny On!
YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING!
So the "Family" go on a hike/Scenery Porn Montage/( Squeezing in Sandler getting crotched BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!) To a lake, it's revealed Michael who's entire character arc of swimming with Dolphins was placed instead of a personality...CAN'T SWIM!
IT'S ALMOST LIKE EXPECTATION VERSUS SETTLING IS A THEME IS THIS FILM!
At the lake, Danny is blown away by Catherine's bikini body, that rival's Palmer's , a woman half her age. Though since this is Jennifer Aniston, it's the same sun damaged body and wrinkly boot leather she calls a sixpack she had in her other disaster i reviewed her in, Meet the Millers!
That Night, a Game reveals that Maggie and Michael have unresolved issue with their real father! Palmer angry with Danny, proposes a family fun day! he agrees...by Putting the children bed early and reducing their pay...BECAUSE SANDLER FILM! The plan was to pose for golf pictures, but instead Danny and Eddie teach Michael to swim, Asshole Parent Style (kicking scared child into deep end, bribery and so forth!)
Being a friend of Danny for so many years, at a spa date Catherine tells Palmer all Danny's likes and dislikes, letting her know that Danny thinks music after 1995 is not worth listening to.
PLOT POINT! YOU WON'T THINK IT IS, BUT TRUST ME!
The other Devlin arrives at the spa and is pissed to find her friend stealing her Identity. Palmer is getting suspicious of the entire Holiday. But it's finally here, the moment Danny has being waiting for, a chance to spend time with "the one", a sweet honest, beautiful woman that most men would kill to even be friends with and...WAIT? SHE'S LIKES THE MUSIC OF N-SYNC? THAT'S A DEALBREAKER!
And...that's it! That's the thing that makes Danny think Palmer is an abhorrent human being: not being old enough to appreciate music, Yep, he has become Verruca, and is not even sorry about it! we are only hitting the halfway point and this main story has already ended, with Danny already planning to discard this poor girl like a broken toy!
You know what this film is practically over, so let's finish this!
Catherine Beats Devlin in a hula contest, by exposing Devlin is in a fake marriage too, Eddie who's lie about being a Shepard saves the life of a sheep belonging to a all female tribe, who are so grateful they reward him with sex (like that would ever happen!) if Danny wasn't going to kick Palmer to the Kerb already, then a Woman proposing to a man, only puts Danny over the edge! Palmer, being the only redeemable character asks Catherine if she "still" has feelings for Him, Catherine tells the truth to Devlin, who apologizes for being a bitch, but at least Danny and Catherine have something-Her Marriage to Alphonse was only to pay her rent and he's gay (a cutaway scene shows him Feeling a sailor's Bicep because in a Sandler film, you can't just say your gay, you must show you're gay in the most demeaning way possible!) Danny confesses to Palmer OFF-SCREEN! Michael Swam with Dolphins, Maggie gets to learn acting from Dolph Lungren, Palmer meets a man her age on the way home, and so the film ends with Catherine and Danny Married!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
If the theme is Expectation ruins Reality, then Danny Maccabbe may be Sandler at his most unlikable!-a man who's heart was broken, so he spends the next two decades thinking he has Carte Blanche to do it to other women, before they do it to him again, The Excuse to dump Palmer-Musicial Tastes-only shows he always had an escape plan! because Sandler is the main, to get us on his side, all of Palmer's scenes start with terrible mashups of classic songs mixed with the worst songs of the last decade (I'll be Watching You by the Police mashed with Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars was the Fucking Limit!) The jokes were reduced to "Look! A Minority! LET'S POINT AND LAUGH!", EVERYONE IS A JERK! bar Brookyn Decker, who was a better actress than i thought she would be, sure as expected she filled up a bikini, but at least she can act unlike he V.S. stablemate Cara "10 MILE STARE IN 2 DIRECTIONS" Delavigne! and here's the Kicker, since Sandler's films are now all Jerk Learns Lesson films, it's unsatisfying to learn, Danny learns his lesson OFF SCREEN! Sadly with Sandler with his own Production company. he'll keep churning these out until he bites it! Until then?
JUST GO WITH IT!
(AND NOW IT'S UP TO YOU!
ONCE AGAIN I HAVE WRITTEN 5 ENDINGS, AND ONCE AGAIN THE TOTAL TALLY OF ALL 3 PARTS WILL CONFIRM THE ENDING THAT FOR THIS YEAR! THE POWER IS IN YOUR HANDS!
Find part 1 here
Find part 2 here
(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE AND ENLIGHTENED TOWERS...
The fight to save the very right to be human beings is on . The Leader, an Eamonn from another world, one that holds the powers of nature has invaded our world with the intention of purging the minds of people to make an Atheist Utopia. However, the airship was destroyed in the last chapter, so why is Yusef and Oracle so Scared?
(Eamonn woke in a dazzling light. Standing with the gauntlets still exuding power, The Leader raised his head, his eyes still dilated, like on some high. Suddenly from all directions after images of people's silleoettes appeared.)
Look at them Eamonn, these are all the people of your world scurrying around like ants, oblivious to the fight that will happen to save them. Why? Why save these people who will destroy themselves?
So You Can Destroy them?
No. I saved my ungrateful people. The moment I shut their eyes from the futility of self and Spirit, I made those I could save stronger!
(A image of a woman stopped walking, and Started Screaming! Next an elderly man started to clutch his head and screamed. Soon a million voices of both genders and all ages screamed in shared anguish. Then the bodies erupted in flames! Covering his face thinking the illusion was real, he was shocked to see people standing in the inferno, with the same psychotic smile Leader was wearing.)
You would kill so many to recruit so few?
-GLORIOUS ISN'T IT?
-you are a hypocrite...
-WHAT DID YOU SAY?
I Said HYPOCRITE!
You have become the one thing you hate!
You destroy lives and expect people to love you!
YOU HAVE BECOME GOD!
The eyes that were unfocused were now steely staring at Eamonn.
He swung his arms and broke the dimension like glass. Both Eamonns now stood in an arena. The Final Battle Has Begun!
AND NOW! OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc (YEAH! THAT BAD!)
It's Been a year since we reviewed an Adam Sandler film, and 2 since I watched one with Jennifer Aniston.
Let's Remedy that, Shall We?
The Cover is Just Seedy!
In the Background, Brooklyn Decker is Doing a Male Gaze Pose in a bikini. In the foreground, Sandler's Shit Eating Grin and Aniston's Dead Eye Expression makes it look like Adam Just Asked Jen's Permission to do Unspeakable things to Brooklyn!
Once again, this film was made by Happy Madison Productions, Sandler's own Film-Haas of Horrors.
The Film Starts in 1988, and a wedding party of Italian American Stereotypes. the bride, Verruca (it's Funny that Americans think it's a real name for girls), forgets her veil, her future sister in law goes to get it. All of Danny's (Sandler) family have big noses, and Danny overhears Verruca saying she is only marrying the doctor for his money.
At a bar, feeling sorry for himself, he soon learns wearing a wedding ring is handy for picking up one night stands.
...And That is where we no longer feel sorry for Sandler, BECAUSE THE JERK NEEDS TO LEARN A LESSON, BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
20 years of this horrible, misogynistic philosophy, Danny now plastic surgeon and his new nose, leaves a trail of broken hearts and empty beds for 2 Decades.
We cut to the Practice of Dr Danny Maccabee, where we meet his assistant, Catherine (aniston) and his brother Eddie , a man who despite his penis enlargement surgery has no game with the ladies. In fact, all the men in this family are obsessed with plastic surgery to do more than correct their noses, as Uncle Donny, who is hosting a party, can't even swallow liquid with the amount of surgery he had done! A teenage hormone trips and bursts open his knee seeing his first rack, as Danny takes his ring off to stitch him up, he even asks him who she was ( Because asking a child who to pull is so SANDLER FILM!) He meets her, A woman called Palmer, a Beautiful, smart and well rounded Maths Teacher, Danny hits it off with her, and falls for Completely.
-SO LET'S SEE HOW THIS FILM RUINS IT!
Finding Danny's ring in his trouser Pocket, Palmer gets angry that Danny didn't tell her he was married, so Danny starts his "abusive wife" lie...only for Palmer to walk off. Convinced she is "the one" Danny goes to her workplace to tell her the lie and that he is getting divorced from her. Palmer doesn't believe Danny, but is willing to go out with him...AS LONG AS SHE HEARS THE SAME STORY FROM THE WOMAN HERSELF!
And that is when Danny gets an idea, A STUPID IDEA, AN IDEA SO STUPID IT CAN ONLY BE THE PLOT WORTHY ENOUGH FOR THIS BLOG'S SEASON FINALE!
GET HIS ASSISTANT TO POSE AS HIS WIFE!
So when he asks Catherine to do this, she has bought her kids. Maggie, an inspiring Actress who in the rest of this film will talk in the most annoying Cock-A-Nee Accent who wants to work with the greatest actor of all time, Dolph Lundgren (Snigger~!), and Michael, who's whole character drive is swimming with Dolphins in Hawaii, that's it!
Catherine tells Danny that she had a nemesis in high school called, Devlin. one who was the biggest fake she ever knew, and if anyone called her out, she would challenge them to a game because she lived on drama!
...what a very strange thing to say out of the blue like that! And I'M SURE THIS WOMAN YOU BOUGHT UP OUT OF NOWHERE, FOR NO REASON IS NEVER MENTIONED OF EVER AGAIN (!)
To Maintain The Lie, Danny spares no expense in turning Catherine into "Devlin", a slutty, couture-dressed bunny boiler...it works!.....Until Cath's incompetent Velly Eh-Shawn Nanny reveals the children's existence ("You go call mommy, I Too Busy Praying Candy Clush!-ACTUAL QUOTE FROM THIS FILM!) Palmer overhears and now feels guilty about being a home wrecker, But Palmer loves kids and would like to meet them. Catherine's kids are now part of the scam, the fee? acting lessons and unlimited Chuck. E. Cheese Tokens. Catherine is angry that her kids are now in the fold, but Danny blames her for Palmer overhearing her kids! (Yeah! How dare a Single Mother Answer a phonecall from her children?) besides Catherine has a date with her own boyfriend, a rival doctor called Bryan (also Sandler) who's entire existence is that he is a hippy with a goatee that looks like an Erect Penis!
So Maggie and Michael become Kikidee and Barto Maccabee, meeting Palmer in the scenario that makes Adam Sandler film's more insufferable, a Chuck. E. Cheese filled with Terrible Child Actors! Danny has to lie to cover Maggie speaking in the Cockney accent. Michael realising how much coin Unlimited tokens actually cost, Tells Palmer that "daddy" promised him to go to Hawaii to swim with dolphins! And that's how we end up there!
Paying for a 12k suite (because if you are going to impress girls with lies, why not go all out!) The Maccabes land in Hawaii with Eddie in tow, as "Devlin's" new husband "Dolph" mainly because he sexted the wife of a mma Fighter!
That Night At Dinner, who should turn up, but the real Devlin (Nicole Kidman) here with her husband, a millionaire called Alphonse,With Devlin rubbing her nose in, Catherine retaliates by saying Danny is her husband, Learning that Catherine is using her name Devlin, Devlin challenges her to a game later on! Catherine's lies to this Woman-GET THIS-Actually turns Danny On!
YOU ARE A TERRIBLE HUMAN BEING!
So the "Family" go on a hike/Scenery Porn Montage/( Squeezing in Sandler getting crotched BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!) To a lake, it's revealed Michael who's entire character arc of swimming with Dolphins was placed instead of a personality...CAN'T SWIM!
IT'S ALMOST LIKE EXPECTATION VERSUS SETTLING IS A THEME IS THIS FILM!
At the lake, Danny is blown away by Catherine's bikini body, that rival's Palmer's , a woman half her age. Though since this is Jennifer Aniston, it's the same sun damaged body and wrinkly boot leather she calls a sixpack she had in her other disaster i reviewed her in, Meet the Millers!
That Night, a Game reveals that Maggie and Michael have unresolved issue with their real father! Palmer angry with Danny, proposes a family fun day! he agrees...by Putting the children bed early and reducing their pay...BECAUSE SANDLER FILM! The plan was to pose for golf pictures, but instead Danny and Eddie teach Michael to swim, Asshole Parent Style (kicking scared child into deep end, bribery and so forth!)
Being a friend of Danny for so many years, at a spa date Catherine tells Palmer all Danny's likes and dislikes, letting her know that Danny thinks music after 1995 is not worth listening to.
PLOT POINT! YOU WON'T THINK IT IS, BUT TRUST ME!
The other Devlin arrives at the spa and is pissed to find her friend stealing her Identity. Palmer is getting suspicious of the entire Holiday. But it's finally here, the moment Danny has being waiting for, a chance to spend time with "the one", a sweet honest, beautiful woman that most men would kill to even be friends with and...WAIT? SHE'S LIKES THE MUSIC OF N-SYNC? THAT'S A DEALBREAKER!
And...that's it! That's the thing that makes Danny think Palmer is an abhorrent human being: not being old enough to appreciate music, Yep, he has become Verruca, and is not even sorry about it! we are only hitting the halfway point and this main story has already ended, with Danny already planning to discard this poor girl like a broken toy!
You know what this film is practically over, so let's finish this!
Catherine Beats Devlin in a hula contest, by exposing Devlin is in a fake marriage too, Eddie who's lie about being a Shepard saves the life of a sheep belonging to a all female tribe, who are so grateful they reward him with sex (like that would ever happen!) if Danny wasn't going to kick Palmer to the Kerb already, then a Woman proposing to a man, only puts Danny over the edge! Palmer, being the only redeemable character asks Catherine if she "still" has feelings for Him, Catherine tells the truth to Devlin, who apologizes for being a bitch, but at least Danny and Catherine have something-Her Marriage to Alphonse was only to pay her rent and he's gay (a cutaway scene shows him Feeling a sailor's Bicep because in a Sandler film, you can't just say your gay, you must show you're gay in the most demeaning way possible!) Danny confesses to Palmer OFF-SCREEN! Michael Swam with Dolphins, Maggie gets to learn acting from Dolph Lungren, Palmer meets a man her age on the way home, and so the film ends with Catherine and Danny Married!
THIS FILM SUCKS!
If the theme is Expectation ruins Reality, then Danny Maccabbe may be Sandler at his most unlikable!-a man who's heart was broken, so he spends the next two decades thinking he has Carte Blanche to do it to other women, before they do it to him again, The Excuse to dump Palmer-Musicial Tastes-only shows he always had an escape plan! because Sandler is the main, to get us on his side, all of Palmer's scenes start with terrible mashups of classic songs mixed with the worst songs of the last decade (I'll be Watching You by the Police mashed with Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars was the Fucking Limit!) The jokes were reduced to "Look! A Minority! LET'S POINT AND LAUGH!", EVERYONE IS A JERK! bar Brookyn Decker, who was a better actress than i thought she would be, sure as expected she filled up a bikini, but at least she can act unlike he V.S. stablemate Cara "10 MILE STARE IN 2 DIRECTIONS" Delavigne! and here's the Kicker, since Sandler's films are now all Jerk Learns Lesson films, it's unsatisfying to learn, Danny learns his lesson OFF SCREEN! Sadly with Sandler with his own Production company. he'll keep churning these out until he bites it! Until then?
JUST GO WITH IT!
(AND NOW IT'S UP TO YOU!
ONCE AGAIN I HAVE WRITTEN 5 ENDINGS, AND ONCE AGAIN THE TOTAL TALLY OF ALL 3 PARTS WILL CONFIRM THE ENDING THAT FOR THIS YEAR! THE POWER IS IN YOUR HANDS!
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