http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bl9bvuAV-Ao
Dateline: Friday the 26th December 2013.
The Day the Finite Pool of Xmas Joy ran out of me.
As I returned to my home after yearly get-together with my family, I started to work on this. and as soon the opening joke manifested, out came the white drinking chocolate snowball, and in it's place my trusty can of Monster. YES IT WAS ON OF THOSE FILMS, AND THE ENLIGHTENED WAS BACK!
Up until recently, Jim Carrey was considered the smartest, shrewdest actor in Hollywood ,Despite Making his money in the 90's at the top of this popularity, pitches for Mask and Trueman show sequels never swayed him, I mean Ace Ventura 2 must have Weaned him off sequels forever, not that any original productions since the 2000's have had the desired affect. the magic was there but for magic to work the set-up and assistants must be precise, also!
With Dumber and Dumber To getting it's divisive reviews, it's save to say that everyone agrees....THAT DUMB AND DUMBERER IS THE DOG'S BOLLOCKS!
I mean, look at this dvd cover, here the young Lloyd and Harry have contorted their bodies to look like apes in the Ascent Of Man Display. Also One Thing is very hard to Miss. The actors Names. Who are these Men in their 1st starring Roles, Did the studio had that little Faith in revealing even the names of these Schmucks to the Public?
We Open to a classy start-the first person view of the Birth of Harry Dunne-8 years later the lonely Harry is being home schooled but has an imaginary friend. Cut 10 more years and his mother tricks Harry to going to high school. By giving him a fake treasure map of the school.
Meanwhile Lloyd's humble beginnings as the (Obviously Adoptive) son of the school janitor, raised on stolen supplies and dressed with Lost clothing! Because he lives in the school, he actually leaves the school grounds when the class bell goes!
So you know where this is going, each of the dumbasses bump into each other, Harry dislodging a top tooth in Lloyd's mouth to reveal this gap!
So it was a self-fulfilling prophecy, like Oz frightening the Cowardly lion in the first place!
And thus 30+ year game of tag begins!
Lloyd explains how cliques work however Lloyd's mix of dumbness and potentially dark sense of self-delusion, completely gets it wrong, Harry falls for the most popular girl in school, Jessica, who is a reporter doing a report on Harry, she is also the girlfriend to Lloyd's bully. Of course she fucking is!
We cut to Principle Collin's (Eugene Levy) plans to defraud the Rhode Island Education Board by putting all his smarter and socially awkward students into a Fake Special Needs Class to use the money to buy a house in Hawaii, Eying our 2 putzes as a pair of patsys.
HEY ROBERT BRENER, SIT AND SPIN!
Speaking as someone with Mild Asperger's Syndrome, you're saying that people like me who gained Higher Education are beneath you, and yet here you are ,the writer of what many consider to be the most insulting film of all time!
So "The Special Needs" class is basically the lunchlady Principal Collins is having an affair with taking the two putzes into the kitchen and recruiting them to "find more of their kind!", as a fuller number of students would legitimize the grant money. This leads to a montage of recruiting the school's slackers and reprobates too lazy to do actual schoolwork, Ending with the reveal of GobShia La Bouef, Meaning the the bits so far of Harry's first person view of his birth and Lloyd drying himself with sanitary towels, those have been the classy jokes!
So the 2 have a sleepover at Harry's where Lloyd thinks Harry's Mum has came on to him, MOVING ON!
The next day, the Principal shoves his patsy's into the Janitor's shed as their new classroom, forgetting that important fact that Lloyd is the Janitor's son. When Lloyd explains, his dad misunderstands and is so proud of being the son of someone in a "gifted" class!
So the Patsys go their separate ways. But with Harry and Lloyd getting "Slushees" (Fun Fact: none of the world's Slushed Ice drinks companies wanted anything to do with merching this turd, until Slushee, an Irish company took the call, and so proud of being the 1st Irish company to be advertised in an American film, Screenshots of the following Brainfreeze scene adorned their cups. But your film, set in 20th century America must so bad if not even Coke or MacDonalds are present!) So Lloyd introduces Harry to the addictive but temperance-approved joy of the Slushee-a 4 Celsius Mushroom Samba which is ultimately a-
So Collins and the LunchLady are having a luau to celebrate that the cheque is coming in the day of the Thanksgiving week school Parade. He then locks all pertaining documents into what looks like a treasure chest.
(Heads in hands!)
A TREASURE CHEST....AND TWO GOMS WHO HAVE A FAKE TREASURE MAP OF THE SCHOOL.
Now i feel like my head is in a brain freeze!
And Sure enough, the then forgotten map makes a brief comeback before Jessica questions the Legitimacy of the Special Class, before they hop on the short bus to the Museum.
Jessica tails the short-bus and tells Harry the Special Class is a scam. When she invites him to her house, he misunderstands and think it's a date. Lloyd tells him to get her some chocolates.
....And that's when Quality of the Comedy in this movie slips from 3-star to Wayans Brother Levels.
Harry has a bar of Chocolate in his back trouser pocket and Jessica makes Harry sit on a radiator. The overheated chocolate swells his buttocks area and the ensuing explosion of chocolate all over Jessica's house in front of her parents makes look like he shit over the place!
GOT THAT?
GOOD!
WASTED 20 MINUTES OF MY LIFE WATCHING IT FIRST HAND!
In the midst of the chaos, Lloyd who was his wingman, thinks he's now in with a shot. And Jessica...actually leads him on!, Just so she can use his father's skeleton keys! but Lloyd isn't not pleased by Jessica using innuendo and just leaves, but then he finds the Chest. But we go through a Broken friendship Montage, the Only Satisfying bit is Lloyd tackling SHITTY LABOUF!
Collins finds this chest stolen and wrongly accuses Jessica, the Lunchlady distracts the "Special Needs" class by making a float, debunking all ideas, because it needs to look like it's made by Special people ie. crap looking!
So after a 3rd montage! (This film is nothing but montages!) the class make a washington float. After a painful scene with the two gobdaws bribing a child to get them slushees, they rescue a kidnapped Jessica by causing a gas station explosion that propels their shopping cart down the street but get distracted by icecream. Jessica leads on the two mouthbreathers on a bit more, tricking them into opening the chest. At the parade the special needs class sees and hears all the evidence, Transforming Washington into an effigy of Collins dressed as a pirate.
Now to finish this!
Collins is rumbled and arrested for 20 years. Harry and Lloyd are deemed heroes by all but blow off the advances of twins, resulting in harry getting covered in mud, Leading to another confrontation with Jessica's father who still thinks Harry is covered in shit again, despite obvious mud tracks and holes everywhere!
OH GOD, PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY EYEBALLS, BECAUSE THIS FILM SUCKS!
This film is repulsive!
Not just to Autistic People, but to comedy, every mistimed joke, every punchline that doesn't hit it's mark, every padding montage, every vile characterization. I don't know who those sclumbs were and I don't care. Prequels are film art that has not being fully practiced. let alone Mastered
CREDITS
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd was Reviewed Compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham (follow on twitter @RealEnli)
With Clips and music from:
Nostalgia critic
Mr's brown
and Music "Magic Bus" by the Who
Dumb and Dumber is Distributed by Entertainment In Video, All rights Reserved and all clips belong to their respective owners
NEXT MONTH: WANT TO HEAR THE MOST ANNOYING SOUND IN THE WORLD?
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