Christmas Special: Eamonn reviews Moshi Monsters the Movie

(THIS MONTH'S THEME...THIS WAS ROBBED OF CHRISTMAS NUMBER 1 LAST YEAR! #BOYCOTTXFACTOR2014
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-43GXLnjTo
(Eamonn holds up the dvd of this months film, His Face is a Masque of Disbelief)

I...Ah...Well....What Did I....I Mean....Uh....I Don't...Even,....WHAT? WHAT DID I JUST WATCH?

Ever since last year and i zimmered through Bionicle, I decided to do a toy franchise movie every year!

But First Some Background Info that for those who don't know what Moshi is...YEAH GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!

Moshi Doesn't have a Tv Tropes page, nor do I trust Wrong-A-pedia, who once said RD Reynolds died and That Samuel L. Jackson was buying Shelbourne Rovers!

But I started as, and still am, a wrestling reviewer, and when i'm in a pinch I use that trade's best weapons: observations and Pooled resources.

so from what I gathered is that Moshi Monsters is a MMORPG Where players can assume 1 of 6 Moshis customise it's house and go on missions to earn in game currency to buy items and smaller creatures called Moshlings. Every 3 Months, An ingame event, introduces the new wave of characters which are then turned into the expensive plastic and plushies that do nothing!

And as evidenced in this film, they also don't have 2 original Ideas to rub together!

 So let's slide down the sooty chimley to the Grim Grotto for Our xmas special.

We start in a jungle expedition that is no way resembling the 1 in Pokemon: the First Movie
IMPENDING LAWSUIT COUNTER:1

As Buster Bumblechops, a Rabbitty Richard Attenborough, is on a quest to a mysterious temple. So Indiana Jones and the Half-Assed Crusade over here, uncovers his prize, the great Moshling Egg, Breaking his leg in the process.

After the Title Drop,we cut to Our Hero, a Pikachu knockoff called Katsuma...
IMPENDING LAWSUIT COUNTER:2
Telling, Poppet. a PoundLand JigglyPuff...
IMPENDING LAWSUIT COUNTER: 3

...That Rawry Scrawl is making a Documentary about him. Poppet corrects him and says that he's making the film about Monstro City (Yes! this film is!) whilst planting berries that will attract rare monsters
IMPENDING LAWSUIT COUNTER:4

Katsuma shows off my activating his Bakugan Ability card, HIYAH HURRACAINE! Which is also his catchphrase!
IMPENDING LAWSUIT COUNTER: 5

So the 2 mammals of indetermined Species leave for Monstro City as a hand in a bush steals an accordian Moshling. Later in a sweaping shot of the city, a creature causes trouble and steals a poodle, whilst angrily ripping a wanted sign for an outlaw called fish Lips!

In a café Cltuhumanoid Rawry Scrawl is explaining the film as Katsuma complains about the film being not about him. Rawry then reveals that the film will also follow, short tempered volcanic devil Diavlo, Luvli, a flying cherry that talks like a British Luvvy, Furi, a big eater Bigfoot and Zommer, a Lovable Slacker who is a decomposing zombie. They are interrupted by a new report that a moshling stealing Spree has hit the Moshi world However, only Moshis with names that start with G are being kidnapped.

We then cut to a news report About the Great Egg at BumbleChops Hall. The Sight of the egg is sends Poppet's Pet Elephant, Mr Snoodle into a state of panic.
FORESHADOWING!
So the Mains go to see the egg, whilst being spied upon by a Top hat and coat, the main villain Doctor Strangeglove.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuP6KbIsNK4
No, Isaid StrangeGLOVE!
Aided by Fish-Lips, who we previously seen in a disguise to steal a poodle, The Dr exposits through song of course that he has indeed stolen all the moshlings to feed into his Assimilation Machine, that turns Moshi into creatures called Glomps, Stating he's only stolen moshis whose names start with g, because Glomp starts with G.
ER...?...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3fVj8A-K8E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhtwirqe6Lc
The Machine turns cute individual and diverse Moshis into glomps, badly Drawn bouncy balls that are unlikable characters with no personality and only 2 frames of animation.
OH I GET IT!
It's a Johnny Test episode Machine and Dr. StrangeGlove is really Scott Fellows!

So StrangeGlove and his army of mutant testicles steal the egg and vandalise the museum. But his real plan is to make Katsuma unwittingly go on a fetch quest for Ingredients that will turn the hatchling into a Mega Glomp...Wait!

If the Plan is to steal every creatures individuality , Isn't making 1 creature bigger and Stronger that the rest in turn making it an individual?

Congratulations! Britain! I didn't think you'd top Horrid Henry for stupid plans that created a huge plot hole! but you've done it!

So Bumblechops tells katsuma some advice "if you don't stand for Something, you'll fall for anything" Before giving the 6 creatures An Airship.

The Fetch Quest is for 3 rare items I'll spare you the terminology and names used, but they are a rare fruit , Tears from a Blue Weaper and a Rainbow Diamond.

First stop is HumbaLumbaLand, the Africa Stand-in that made me spit out my xmas Snowball Drink. "Humba" being a Racial Slur. for a black person.
Y'KNOW, FOR KIDS!
It's revealed that Katsuma can't Whistle
PLOT POINT!
Something that comes handy to know when Meeting cannibals who communicate solely by whistling!

So Poppet, Katsuma, Furi, Diavolo and Luvli are put in a pot. and need rescuing-despite the fact that DIAVOLO AND LUVLI CAN FLY! AND HAVE BEING FLYING SINCE THEIR CHARACTERS WRE INTRODUCED!

Bullshit aside, Zommer rescues the others by detaching his detaching undead body to win a Limbo Contest, winning the fruit and his friends freedom but staying behind to party.

Escaping the jungle to go to Jollywood, they are captured by StrangeGlove's Partner in crime, an Evil clown called Sweet tooth
IMPENDING LAWSUIT COUNTER:6
When Diavolo helps the others escape by using his lava to melt the binding toffee during the song, The Clown of Ambiguous Gender attacks with all his sweet based weapons. the plan is to Separate Katsuma from his more sensible friends.
...So Basically Katsuma is Sailor Moon?

Diavolo and Luvli are captured with Zommer collected by Scare force 1 later on.

Our 3 remaining heroes uncover the Indian Inspired City of Jollywood, an obvious and ridiculous pun of Bollywood, here they meet Bobbi SingSong  a gingerbread man who is a Bollywood superstar, right down to the Moustache and White Velvet Suit. Katsuma replies he's more famous because Bobbi's only famous in Jollywood!

Why do I get the feeling Katsuma has the same agent as Jade Goody?

After Bhranga/Techno ear vomit-LISTEN TO THIS SHIT!..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edgr4KanFRw

The Blue Weeper reveals itself to be...an allusion to Vishnu!
And I can't believe a Toy Company has done this again!

BACKSTORY!
20 Years ago, Matchbox had to discontinue several models of it's Monsters In My Pocket Figures and Trading Cards after being sued by the British Hindu Society after being offended when models based on key gods in their Parthenon were described on their trading cards as "hideous" and "freaky" And even though Moshi has turned their key god into a blue tiger on playing a sitar on a lotus on a cloud, It's no less offensive!

After making GOD! laugh, and collecting his tears, Bobbi teleports our heroes to Mt. Sillyman Jaro, but Furi distracted by food, is teleported to a cell next to Diavolo and Luvli's.

With Blinki the camera out of commission, Katsuma complains no-one will see him save the day loudly causing an avalanche. Poppet and Him blame each other for the mess they're in, until Pratsuma finally realises how much of a prick he is. this leads to another terrible song!
FAST FORWARD BUTTON!

Actually Poppet's Positive Attitude is enough to grow helpful flowers defrost the dead, and reveal the Frosty Rainbow Diamond.

With all 3 artefacts, StrangeGlove brings Scare Force One Around. Poppet has Magic seed from her helpful flowers. StrangeGlove goads Katsuma into doing tricks with egg when he steals it back, which naturally falls out of his paws and into the five remaining fingers of StrangeGlove.

Snoodle attacks StrangeGlove and Fish Lips' cablecar, falling to his (Disney)Death. With all the heroes captured Poppet sings and mourns for her puny pet pachyderm.

Trapped on a Conveyer Belt of Doom. it's revealed Snoodle is alive and uses his whistle to get the airship to collect him.

So let's finish this year with a bang!
Pratsuma, carring Snoodle, uses his Hiyah Hurricaine and Snoodle's whistling to free the other Moshlings, who run of the Glomps and rescue the egg. After the final song, the Egg Hatches into a Mrs Snoodle!
FORESHADOWING HAS ARRIVED!
And It's revealed that the temple has more eggs, just in case Mind Candy plans to release a film for every useless plastic trinket they'll ever Make!
THIS FILM MIGHT SUCK...BUT I JUST THINK IT'S STUPID!
I KNOW NOTHING! And continue knowing nothing from this franchise, and I won't lose sleep about that! the charecters are one dimensional, the villains don't an edge to them, the animation is basic and the songs won't pass the Grey whistle test! But since I'm obviously a man who know nothing I can't really judge it any harder than a Colourful mindscrew to appease fans and babies!

CREDITS
Moshi Monsters was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham
with clips from
Moshi Monsters: the Movie
Dr Who
Dr Strangelove
and Music
The RetroBot-Christmas Robot!

Moshi Monsters are registered trademarks of Mind Candy and the film was distributed by Universal Studios.
All Rights Reserved,
And all clips belong to there Respective Owners.

Merry Christmas and have a happy new year to all you that make this all possible!

Eamonn