Eamonn reviews sex and the city

(This months theme- Material Girl by Madonna http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUadW2eWsKg )

Hello and welcome to bogger box offi-I FUCKING HATE SEX AND THE CITY! I FUCKING HATE SEX AND THE CITY! I HATE IT I HATE IT! HAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTEEEE!
(Joe-jack throws a bucket of water at Eamonn!)

thank you for that!

For those who never saw the show, ie those who were born with a dick! sex and the city follows the lives of 4 women, one of them actually hot, as they fuck, shop, eat cake and drink while all the time you wonder how they can afford all this if only one of them has a steady job.

so leave your manhood at the door, this is Sex and the city: the movie1!

So the film starts with stock footage of new york city

wow after 9/11, this is the second worst thing to happen to new york
(AUDIENCE BOOS!)
 Oh what, what, what?
as carrie (Sarah Jessica "Horse-Face" Parker) narrates what little charector development she has.

"every year 20 somethings come to NYC for two Ls, Labels and Love"

THAT'S RIGHT GIRLS! you should always look good to impress men and spend loads of money to do so.
No way you should settle for a man who would devote his life to you, only go for a man whose hair colour matches your hand-bag! Because that what matter's right(?)

so we are introduced to the other charectors, Charrlotte(kirsten "The Hot One Davis) Miranda (Cynitha "Moose" Nixon) and Samantha (Kim Skeletor Catthrall)

so the back-story is concised for each charector charrlotte married and adopted a daughter, Miranda got married and birthed a son and....Sam is a slut!

Meanwhile carrie and big are now moving into a big apartment,which big pays for and Friends Rent control (hi tv tropes!) strikes again.

so after a pointless scene that only serve to make Sam and Carrie unlikable, Big proposes to Carrie, with all but Sam happy about it, but Carrie wants her to be maid of honour. Meanwhile Charrottle freaks out that the announcement appears in the newspaper. Vogue offers to photograph Carrie in Bridal courture
 soreing a free dress by Vivian Westwood in the procress.

So while returning library books carrie stumbles across a wedding, so she decides to get married there too.

You know i love going to the chipper! i dont love it so much that i'll get married in one!

Meanwhile Miranda is feeling complacent in her marraige as her and Steve struggle to have a sex-life and a family.

So carrie moves out of her old apartment which causes Sam to channel Bender from Futurama by saying
"I've heard worse excuses to drink!"

In the next scene, Steve husband confesses to cheating on her.

Meanwhile the stress of marraige is getting to big.

So it's the rehearsal dinner and Steve arrives and after an argument, Miranda tells big "Marraige Ruins Everything!

FORESHADOWING!

Now Its the big day and a series of WACKY events makes big leave
FORESHADOWING HAS ARRIVED!

But when Big apoligises, Carrie doesn't want to hear it.

So Carries honeymoon is now a Slapper's World Tour of Mexico as her Soriety of Sluts arrived with her
so charrlotte who didn't want to eat any mexican foos for fear of diareera. accidently drinks tap-water and poops herself.

this is the film idea of uplifting humour after the cheating and wedding angles beforehand. I'll let that sink in for a while.

So carrie returns to her old flat and decides to hire a P.A. Enter Louise who is basicly a black version of Series one Carrie, they also lampshade the Friends Rent control more than i did in this review.

Meanwhile Miranda and her son search for an apartment in China-Town,Charlotte is pregnant and next scene....
(kim Catrall Sex Scene)
AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
(Eamonn stabs himself in the eyes!)

so after scenes that blur summer, halloween and christmas together...
LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!
...Its now New years eve! and miranda and steve share custody of their son. we all see the charectors celebrating new years some happily and some not!
and now its valentines day!
LETS DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!
...As Miranda tells carrie what dhe told big....and Sam is still a slut!

so miranda forgives steve and do want ever American does.
Pay a head-shrinker rather than sort out the problem themselves. But nonetheless forgive each other

Meanwhile Sam is still slut!

Charlotte sees big and gets into an agrument with him, causing her water to break.

So lets get this over with!
Carrie finds love letters from big, they remarry and it seems happy ever after that is until this film sales did more than break-even and made a sequel!

THIS FILM SUCKS!
Are we Supposed to feel sorry for Carrie, because Horse face comes of as self-centred and uncaring. the adding of the charector Louise as Carrie's morality pet was a good choice. I also liked Miranda Cheating storyline and the performance by Nixon in general. However i hated Catrall's one dimesional charector the rushed timing, horrible foreshadowing and cliched ending.

But i can take away the fact that there is no Film worse than this....

(A shooting star pierces the sky turning it blood red. it lands on eamonn's doorstep as a dvd cover. as it glows and crackles with eldritch powers, the actors on the cover seem to laughing at him. He picks the case up to read the name)

Leap Year?

OH FUCK!