(THE FOLLOWING IS A CRACK REVIEW-IT'S DONE WITH NO OPINION OF THE SUBJECT MATTER, AND DONE COMPLETELY OUT OF HUMOUR, HOWEVER THERE ARE JOKES THAT WILL USE OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE!)
A full year in the Covid Era and the News world needed Something else to talk about.
We had a lot to distract us from Covid. The Olympics gave us a new wave of Sports-Stars, Biden's Blue Tide washed away the Fake-Tan Facist. George Floyd's family got the justice they wanted. And the World's Richest LITERAL Red-Headed Step-Child Pissed and Moaned to Oprah that War Criminal Liz did and said everything else But serve Meghan Fried Chicken and Watermelon!
But it was a Story in March that Got the Goat of Both Parents and Union Jackoffs on Both Sides of Irish Sea.
That was of the Charity, British Heritage "Cancelling" Enid Blyton
Enid Blyton, A British Woman born in 1897 was an Author of Many Children's books and Compilation of Short Stories, Her more famous books (If you pardon the pun) are the Famous Five and Noddy, the latter I'm sure a lot of the overseas readers would have known of. She's Published 300+ Stories from 1922 in a career that spanned 4 decades til her death in 1968
To this Day, her books her still popular, But not with controversy. Blyton's style doesn't translate well from books targeting young children, to those written for young adults, as the Wording is simplistic, almost condescending. Not helped that Blyton herself was a confirmed Elitist. But the Crux of the Cancelling was not a simple Remit of her Books, But Years of Accusations of her Books Being Racist!
One Banned Story, "The Ugly Black Doll" tells the story of Sambo (The Doll's name itself an Old Racist Slur!) Who was abandoned by it's owner for his "Ugly Blackness". In this Story the words "Black" and "blackness" are always following the word "Ugly" Until "Magic Rain" washes of the "Ugly Blackness" to Reveal "A Beautiful, Pink Face!"
Hell, Even Noddy, Beloved Preschool Character for Decades, has a Chequered Past.
In the Original Unedited version of the Book "Here Comes Noddy, Again". A Trio of Gollywogs, Mug Noddy, Steal his car and Leave him Naked. Of Course Nowadays, Publishers have and did Edit the Books without banning them outright, unless they had to. But with people angry, did that mean that there was going be a Bunch of Burning Bonfires of Blyton in Blighty? Were Mammies gonna be forced to rip Noddy Dolls from Crying Babas?
BITCH PLEASE!
Famous Five and Mallory Towers may still be Unlikable Posh Children's Books for Unlikable Posh Children, But With all the Editing Done and All the Coin it makes. Noddy would never be Cancelled!
Still That Doesn't Mean I CAN'T HAVE SOME FUN, AT THE TIME OF YEAR?
So with that being said, Take this review Below with a Grain of Salt and Jar of Topical Cream if it makes you Butt-Hurt, This Is Noddy Saves Christmas, the Christmas episode of Make Way For Noddy!
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| YEAH OFF COURSE BLYTON WOULD WANT A WHITE CHRISTMAS! WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER COLOURS? OK MAYBE NOT A YELLOW CHRISTMAS! DON'T EAT THE YELLOW SNOW KIDS! |
We start with Our favourite Elvin Hackney, using his car to play Chicken with a toy Train!
And of Course Noddy is a Taxi-Driver! I've lost count On my trips up to Dublin how many times a Cab-driver has started a convo with me with the phrase "DIDYA 'ERE WHUT DEM'S FOREIGNERS R DOIN' NOW?"
It's Christmas In Toy-Town and Everyone is Excited and Happy. Noddy tells his friends that he wants to meet Santa to ask how he can deliver Presents to Millions in one night, His friends tell him he can't because he'll be Asleep. But Noddy says "A'ight, Bet!" Before Running off like a spoiled Child, until he remembers his Mentor.
"I'll Ask Big Ears! After all, he knows everything!"
"As Opposed to his Cousin, Big-NOSE! Greedy, Money Grabbing Motherf-"
We cut to a Cave, Covered in Rubbish where two Goblins live. The Goblins replaced Gollywogs as the Sole Antagonists. The are no Good Goblins and everything bad is Blamed on them. Gobbo is annoyed by Sly that he wants to put up decorations given that they never get presents. So to cheer themselves up they plan on stealing Noddy's Taxi and cause a Joyride.
"Can we Strip Noddy naked too, Gobbo?"
"(sigh) Whatever floats yer Toyboat, Sly!"
So Noddy asks Santa How Can Deliver Presents In one night, Big Ears Replies to ask Santa himself....if he can keep awake that is!
When all Of a Sudden, Santa's Sleigh Crashes outside Big Ears House! Santa has come to Ask Big Ears' Advice. He heard he can fix things and he needs something to be fixed, a Clock that can stop time. So that's How Santa can deliver presents to everyone in one night: With STANDO POWAH!
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| ZA.....WURLDO! STOPPU TAIM! |
But his Clock is Malfunctioning, so Big Ears dismantles it as the goblins steal Noddy's Car...Until they spy the sleigh and have the idea of leaving with a fuckton of Toys. Which brings to mind a question?
If you gift toys to a Sentient Toy in Noddy's World, Would that count as Adoption, or Slavery?
So the Problem is the Clock has lost it's Chime, But It's a Christmas Plot Convenience, Charlie Brown, as it turns out the chime sounds exactly like The Bell on Noddy's Hat. Noddy doesn't want to part with his trademark, but Santa says he'll be saving Christmas. No Offence, Santa but everyone has saved Christmas at this point, Technically So have I When I Saved Reality , So Join the Club, Noddy, we have T-shirts!
So the Clock is fixed and time stops for Noddy and Big Ears. So Santa Decides to be a dick and play a trick on them. Stealing a Magnifying Glass and moving to another part of the room. I've seen a lot of, let's say "Specialist Films" From Japan that have shown a lot worse has being done with Time Stops
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| Always delete your Browser history! |
So Santa Finds that his Sleigh is gone, but It's left tracks that they follow. Without his bell, Noddy can sneak up on the goblins and Santa tricks them into giving them a present, but it's a shrinking potion and he puts The Goblins in a drum.
Wow! Santa is kind of a dick! Hard to make the argument to be Good if Santa is shrinking you for his own amusement! So he asks Noddy to deliver all the Toys IN Toytown, as he Delivers to the rest of the World.
And so it ends with the next morning, with his friends waking Noddy after a night of delivering gifts and Eating other peoples food, Despite his friends not believing him...Until Santa himself gifts Noddy a new hat with a bell on it. We even see that Noddy left the Goblins a present, because even so called "Bad" people deserve some Kindness!
CREDITS
Noddy Saves Christmas-from the Series Make Way For Noddy was Mocked for his own amusement, and possibly yours, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham
With Media From
Noddy
The Big Bang Theory
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders
Make Way for Noddy is Produced By Chorion and SD Productions and Distributed By Universal.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
I WILL BE BACK IN THE NEW YEAR, HOPEFULLY I WILL SEE YOU ALL IN 2022!
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