(The Story so far...
IT HAS ALL COME DOWN TO THIS. THE COMET. THE RACIST FILM. THE COMA. THE BOMBING. THE AIR-RAID SIRENS SUMMONING DEMONIC CREATURES AND NOW...THE FAMILIAR TRAIN THAT RUNS ON CELLULOID RAILS AND THROUGH THE TUNNELS OF SHEER JOY, EAMONN FACES THE LORD OF DARKNESS HIMSELF,THE DEVIL!)
BRING IT ON, THERE'S NOTHING THAT IS BAD ENOUGH TO BREAK MY SPIRIT!
OH YEAH? WOULD YOU WAGER YOUR SOUL ON IT?
(DESCENDING FROM THE FURNACE, THE SOURCE OF HIS POWERS, THE DEVIL'S DVD SPINS SLOWER THE PATTERN CHANGES COLOUR UNTIL THE THE TRANSFORMED DISC IN READABLE.
"SILENT HILL?"
OH FU-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tY92NAdGaR4
Yes! the finale of my first ever storyline is the review of a film so bad, that silent hill 3 had to up the gore so much it's banned in its own country of Japan.
Confession Time!
I never played Silent hill as i don't like shooters but I do like the story and the horrific designs of the monsters.But this film is the same as the Silent Hill comics. It has little base material used in it.
So with that in mind, lets trudge unarmed into Silent Hill.
So the film starts with the DiSilva Family, Rose (Radha Mitchell) and Chris(Sean Bean) in the middle of the night, looking for their daughter,Sharon. Rose finds her sleepwalking child about to jump of a cliff.Rose catches her as she screams Silent Hill
TITLE DROP!
The next day Rose tells her daughter that because of her dreams, and instead of the logical choice of seeing a doctor, they chose to go to the evil town filled with devil-worshipers and scary monsters.Except Sean Bean, who didn't really what the money and screentime it looks like.
As Rose is pumping petrol at a petrol station, she looks through Sharon's sketch book. it's filled with pictures of Grey Children and the Church of the Order.A distraught Sharon cannot remember drawing them.
This gets the attention of a policewoman. It turns outs that Chris has put a warrant on Rose for her arrest for Kidnapping. Rose then exposites that Sharon is adopted and From West Virginia where Silent hill is....Wait I thought Silent Hill was in Massecuchetts?
As Rose speeds off, the cop pulls her over, But Rose drives off when she sees the sign for Silent Hill.
Our Heroine, Ladies and Gentleman! Endangering her Child's life to avoid arrest.
So as Rose speeds off, A ghostly form steps in front of the car, causing it to crash. As Rose wakes up, It's morning, raining ash and Sharon is missing. We are in Silent Hill.
So Rose walks down the empty street, when she chases a child that isn't even wearing the clothes you dressed her in, Rose! But still chases Obviously Alessa, Then the Air Raid Siren goes off.
BACKSTORY!
The events that turned Silent Hill into a Hell hole happened During the war. The monsters of Silent Hill are negative Feelings made (rotting) flesh Whenever the siren is heard. Our world Silent hill becomes the Otherworld Silent hill. The Day turns to night and the wall start to bleed. Stumbling through a boiler room, Rose finds a dead body. Seeing Alessa run has her summon the Order's Miners and the Grey Children.
Backstory!
As said before, Silent Hill monsters are created by Negative feelings. The Grey children are embodiment of Alessa being bullied in school and creating the creatures as payback.
The Grey Children are not scary as it's just the 1 midget And ctrl and v Pressed a few times. However finding a light source dispelled the little bastards and transports rose into a Diner.
Shocked that she has moved she goes to her car Only to find the car...is gone!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC!)
And that the road is replaced by a chasm.
BACKSTORY!
The role of Silent Hill is twofold. It Claims back its own and lures people for being "impure" and punishes them.
From behind Rose Dahlia, Alessa's Mother Talks in Riddles about the town taking the children. Showing a picture of Sharon causing Dahlia to nearly push Sharon of the cliff.
Meanwhile Chris has travelled to West Virgina to find his family meeting Det. Thomas Gucci.Rose finds pictures made by Sharon of the midwich school. Finding her car she tries to start it and call Chris, But is arrestted by Sybil Bennett a Policewoman and a character from the first game.
So as the 2 women are walking towards the chasm, Sybill tells Rose that there has being a long history of Child sacrifice since the town became haunted. Rose's worry, and feeling of helplessness, especially after being handcuffed, manifests itself into Silent Hill's it's most dangerous denizens, The Armless Man. Cybill shoots at it, but it shoots acid at her in kind.
Oh, so I guess it wasn't so 'armless after all!
I'LL GET MY COAT...
Rose finds her way to Midwich School. Searching through the drawers for a torch. Chris and Thomas are driving in real world Silent hill, as Thomas says he was from Silent Hill.
FORESHADOWING!
Back in school, Rose finds Alessa's coat. but are chased by the Order. In a Class room Hand prints on a desk that somehow Rose recognises as her daughters (What An Ass Pull That Was!) In Sharon's Handwriting on a copy book is the name Alessa Gillespie. Chasing her into toilets. Rose hears her crying. In one of the stalls is the crucified body of the Janitor in Barb wire. Seeing her chance to free herself, Rose takes the key out of the corpse's mouth. The Order attacks but an Air Screamer in a cage starts to act like a canary. The Air Raid siren goes off again. Turning real world into Otherworld.
END OF PART 1
PART 2 NEXT TUESDAY.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
80's lad,Like, totally reviews Hot Tub Time Machine!
(80'S LAD REVIEW IN ORANGE)
(DEVIL'S LINE IN RED)
?????? LINES IN GREY)
(THE STORY SO FAR...
THE EVIL THAT HAS PREYED EAMONN FOR OVER A YEAR NOW, CAUSED HIM LAST MONTH TO DISAPPEAR. SO JOE-JACK DRIVING A (SIGH) NAPPY TRUCK TO FIND HIM, HAS LEFT THE HOME-SICK AND HELPLESS 80'S LAD ALONE WITH THE DEVIL!
DUDE!
IT'S ME!!! THE TOTALLY RADICAL EIGHTIES LAD! I LOVE THE 80'S! THE MUSIC WAS LIKE SO LIKE SO (IMMATURE GUITAR NOISE!) AND THE GIRLS WAS LIKE(IMMATURE BOOM-CHIKA-WAA-WAA! SOUND) THE MUSIC WAS SO GOOD UNTIL SHIT.I.AM RUINED IT BY ADDING HIS POXY LYRICS LIKE THE BASTAAAARRDS! THERE ARE..AND...
(TECHINICAL DIFFICULTIES-PLEASE STAND BY!)
ANYWAY THIS NOT ABOUT CHRISTMAS, THIS IS ABOUT THE COMEDY SCI-FI TIME-BENDER HOT TUB TIME MACHINE!
SO HERE WE GO!
We meet our heroes separetly, Dog-carer and washed up singer Nick(craig robinson) Recently divorced Adam(john cusask) his nerdy nephew Jacob(Clark Duke) and Party animal Lou (Corddy) who tries to fake suicide to get the others together. So to cheer him up they on a skiing trip to their old stompin' ground and are cheesed to find that it like, totally sucks!
Feeling down on themselves, the hot-tub turns itself on, minutes later the four drunk naked men(NO HOMO!) spill Russian red bull on the heat control.
The next day the go skiing down a hill. For reasons they can't explain. they feel so youthful.Returning to Kodiak valley, they find the place swarming with teenagers who weren't their the night before. Asking a girl what colour Michael Jackson is, confirms they have gone back in time.
Looking through the mirror. the 3 older heroes see themselves as teenagers. From nowhere,A Time-travelling Repair-man tells the boys not to change time. That means Adam must split with his girlfriend, Nick must bomb his music career, while Lou must get beaten up by a Snow Patrol member.
At Reception, Jacob finds out his mother was at Kodiak Valley, acting like a slut. Jacob tells Lou he never knew his father.
FORESHADOWING!
So Adam tries to ditch his girlfriend, Nick Bangs a groupie. and Lou starts a fight with the Snow patrol, However Jacob's presense has changed things as the snow patrol steal his bag. In their lodge they go though his stuff and finding 20+year tech and the Russian Red Bull. So Blane thinks Lou and his froends are....DIRTY COMMIES!
Adam is shocked to learn that Jenny was going to split with Adam anyway. Being called up on this Jenny stabs Adam with fork in the eye, anyway!
Lou decides, since he is a massive douchebag,to use his future knowledge to win at the bookies.The Mystic Repairman tells Jacob that the portal closes at Dawn. Adam is reliving his past by doing 'shrooms after his break up.
I candidly say that we all did drugs in the 80's and it had no pschological side effects on me whatsover!
Isn't That Right?, Ghost of John Lennon?
(silence!)
Ghost of john Lennon says yes!...and to kill my family!
Adam and his future ex-wife, break into a chateau and Lou and Nick loses all their winnings when a squirrel they puked on changes the result of a football game, Forcing Lou to give Nick a Blowjob!
After the act is called of by nick bribing the punters with future knowledge, Nick tells Lou that he knows that his wife cheated on him, So lou tells Nick to get on stage and change his destiny. Nick rocks it old-skool! and then claim to have written and then performs Lets get it started by the Black eye peas.
(V-SIGN)
THAT'S FOR RUINING DIRTY DANCING FOR FOREVER!,MOTHERFUCKERS!
Lou prepares for his fight, flirts with Jacob's mother, nick again misses the fight, causing Lou to get this ass kicked again.Confronting a suicidal Lou on the rooftop. Jacob tells the men that they need the Russian red Bull to spill again. Lou bangs jacob's mother and when told to stop. the teen disappears. when they start again, Jacob is conceived and rewritten into existance
FORESHADOWING HAS ARRIVED!
So lets finish this. the gangs the Russian Red Bull back, they return without Lou! And the fure has changed!
lou invented Google,he, jacob and his mother are a family, Nick is a music producer, and Adamis happily married. and so the film ends with Lou rewritting history to front Motley Crue
THIS FILM IS AWESOME!
I WISH I CAN GO BACK TO THE EIGHTIES!
(With a flicker of flame, 80's Lad is teleported by 30 years back in time leaving his shadow that turns into binary code)
WARNING!
ERRACTIC ALGORYTHMN COST=0
DO YOU WISH TO SEARCH FOR PROGRAMME?Y/N
DECLARATION:YES=COULD NOT FIND PROGRAMME!
BEGINING UNIVERSAL DELETION PROTOCOL!
(DEVIL'S LINE IN RED)
?????? LINES IN GREY)
(THE STORY SO FAR...
THE EVIL THAT HAS PREYED EAMONN FOR OVER A YEAR NOW, CAUSED HIM LAST MONTH TO DISAPPEAR. SO JOE-JACK DRIVING A (SIGH) NAPPY TRUCK TO FIND HIM, HAS LEFT THE HOME-SICK AND HELPLESS 80'S LAD ALONE WITH THE DEVIL!
DUDE!
IT'S ME!!! THE TOTALLY RADICAL EIGHTIES LAD! I LOVE THE 80'S! THE MUSIC WAS LIKE SO LIKE SO (IMMATURE GUITAR NOISE!) AND THE GIRLS WAS LIKE(IMMATURE BOOM-CHIKA-WAA-WAA! SOUND) THE MUSIC WAS SO GOOD UNTIL SHIT.I.AM RUINED IT BY ADDING HIS POXY LYRICS LIKE THE BASTAAAARRDS! THERE ARE..AND...
(TECHINICAL DIFFICULTIES-PLEASE STAND BY!)
ANYWAY THIS NOT ABOUT CHRISTMAS, THIS IS ABOUT THE COMEDY SCI-FI TIME-BENDER HOT TUB TIME MACHINE!
SO HERE WE GO!
We meet our heroes separetly, Dog-carer and washed up singer Nick(craig robinson) Recently divorced Adam(john cusask) his nerdy nephew Jacob(Clark Duke) and Party animal Lou (Corddy) who tries to fake suicide to get the others together. So to cheer him up they on a skiing trip to their old stompin' ground and are cheesed to find that it like, totally sucks!
Feeling down on themselves, the hot-tub turns itself on, minutes later the four drunk naked men(NO HOMO!) spill Russian red bull on the heat control.
The next day the go skiing down a hill. For reasons they can't explain. they feel so youthful.Returning to Kodiak valley, they find the place swarming with teenagers who weren't their the night before. Asking a girl what colour Michael Jackson is, confirms they have gone back in time.
Looking through the mirror. the 3 older heroes see themselves as teenagers. From nowhere,A Time-travelling Repair-man tells the boys not to change time. That means Adam must split with his girlfriend, Nick must bomb his music career, while Lou must get beaten up by a Snow Patrol member.
At Reception, Jacob finds out his mother was at Kodiak Valley, acting like a slut. Jacob tells Lou he never knew his father.
FORESHADOWING!
So Adam tries to ditch his girlfriend, Nick Bangs a groupie. and Lou starts a fight with the Snow patrol, However Jacob's presense has changed things as the snow patrol steal his bag. In their lodge they go though his stuff and finding 20+year tech and the Russian Red Bull. So Blane thinks Lou and his froends are....DIRTY COMMIES!
Adam is shocked to learn that Jenny was going to split with Adam anyway. Being called up on this Jenny stabs Adam with fork in the eye, anyway!
Lou decides, since he is a massive douchebag,to use his future knowledge to win at the bookies.The Mystic Repairman tells Jacob that the portal closes at Dawn. Adam is reliving his past by doing 'shrooms after his break up.
I candidly say that we all did drugs in the 80's and it had no pschological side effects on me whatsover!
Isn't That Right?, Ghost of John Lennon?
(silence!)
Ghost of john Lennon says yes!...and to kill my family!
Adam and his future ex-wife, break into a chateau and Lou and Nick loses all their winnings when a squirrel they puked on changes the result of a football game, Forcing Lou to give Nick a Blowjob!
After the act is called of by nick bribing the punters with future knowledge, Nick tells Lou that he knows that his wife cheated on him, So lou tells Nick to get on stage and change his destiny. Nick rocks it old-skool! and then claim to have written and then performs Lets get it started by the Black eye peas.
(V-SIGN)
THAT'S FOR RUINING DIRTY DANCING FOR FOREVER!,MOTHERFUCKERS!
Lou prepares for his fight, flirts with Jacob's mother, nick again misses the fight, causing Lou to get this ass kicked again.Confronting a suicidal Lou on the rooftop. Jacob tells the men that they need the Russian red Bull to spill again. Lou bangs jacob's mother and when told to stop. the teen disappears. when they start again, Jacob is conceived and rewritten into existance
FORESHADOWING HAS ARRIVED!
So lets finish this. the gangs the Russian Red Bull back, they return without Lou! And the fure has changed!
lou invented Google,he, jacob and his mother are a family, Nick is a music producer, and Adamis happily married. and so the film ends with Lou rewritting history to front Motley Crue
THIS FILM IS AWESOME!
I WISH I CAN GO BACK TO THE EIGHTIES!
(With a flicker of flame, 80's Lad is teleported by 30 years back in time leaving his shadow that turns into binary code)
WARNING!
ERRACTIC ALGORYTHMN COST=0
DO YOU WISH TO SEARCH FOR PROGRAMME?Y/N
DECLARATION:YES=COULD NOT FIND PROGRAMME!
BEGINING UNIVERSAL DELETION PROTOCOL!
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