(all spelling and grammer mistakes are intentional.
EAMONN'S LINE IN BLACK
JOE-JACK'S REVIEW IN BLUE
80S LADS LINE IN ORANGE)
this months theme-Madonna Papa don't preach http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5N6KqgMj8o8
(PROLOGUE
OUTSIDE A SUPERMARKET IN A VAN CONTAINING OUR HEROES EAMONN WATCHES A TRUCK DELIVERING DVDS.)
So, remin' me why we here?
(sigh) last time we are at war with supermarket chains for selling bad films at cheap price while selling recent releases at full price. in fact all the film this month are €4 each. but we must plan a proper invasio...
ALRIGHT, LETS DO DIS! JOE-JACK DA CUUUUUUUULLLLLLLCCCCCHHHHIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!
Oh my god he just ran in! save him!
(joe-jack gets leveled by a rent-a-cop)
okay we'll try yer way in fact i'll get some tipz from dis fillium!
HOLY MOTHER OV GOD! WHAT A FUCKING TERRIBLE FILLUM!
So the fillum starts with exposition in 1979 italy where a cameo by bo derek is really fabrizio digusey (james brolin) after a succesful theft,
WAIT A MINUTE!
Disguisey?
Dats da best they could come up with? dat makes mario mario look lioke gud writing.
Scared that being arrested will tear his family apart, Fabrizzio gives up thievery.
fast forward to present day america, and fabrizzio is now Lawful Italian Stereotype-i mean restaurateur who has a son named Pistashio( Dana Carvey)
Y'know Garth from Wayne's world
Ever wondah wat 'appened to him?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO NOT REALLY?
Anyway his son is a waiter but earns to be more, he also has the urge to mimic and t'diguise himself but without da formal training his dad had. anyway, later on, Pistashio's parents get kidnapped by Delvin Bowman ( Mr data from star trek) who blackmails fabby into stealing americas tresures so he can sell them on the black market. oh and he farts when he laughs.
HE FARTED ! LAUGH ITS FUNNY! I SAID LAUGH YOU BASTARDS!
Meanwhile pistashios Grandfather teaches him how to be a master of disguise by tapping into energico a power to make disguise plausable. because wearing a turbin and tanning your face is not funny or clevah!
Meanwhile Fabrizzio disguised as athelete Michael Johnson steals the American constitution. oh and Data farts again.
LAUGH! LAUGH! YOU SONS OF BITCHES WHY WON'T YOU LAUGH!
So pistashio is now a master of disguise he hires a waitress to be his assitant and grandfather gives him...a Millenium Puzzle?
does that mean Pistaschio will be voiced by DAN GREEN!?
So Pistashio and Jennifer find Bowman's cigar stub belonging to the exclusive turtle club where pistaschio takes it literally and dresses as a human turtle.
JUST GO WITH IT!
...so dey discover dat bowman kipnapped pistashio's parents
Meanwhile fabrizzio steals Da liberty bell disguised as Jesse Ventura. and data farts again.
WHAT? YOU'RE STILL NOT LAUGHING YOU BASTARDS!
So dey appear at a private toy show where pistachio is disguised as Granny nim-nims, who taunts Data with the promise of Nookie. but Bowman instead invites Jennifer to his party the next day.
Next scene and Jennifer investigates Bowmans house while Pistashio makes a distraction so he disguises as a Latino Gigolo...
DIS IS A CHILDERS FILLIUM!
He ass-capes and turns intah and Irish Fisherman
(Eamonn presses Rascist alarm repeatedly)
and turns into the script sorry dats a giant cow-shit
SAME DIFFERENCE!
Tiome to put da spuds on!
Jennifer confesses her love to pistashio, she gets kipnapped, pistashio rescues her and his family, regains the treasures. and finally retrieves da constitution by dressing as George Warlord Bush!
If i can describe dis film in one word, it would be: flawed. It goes from funny to stupid in an instant.And you will be shocked as a was when you hear that ADAM SANDLER Wrote dis, but think i have enough tipz t'make a great disguise for Eamonn
(PART 2 AND 3 IN THE FOLLOWING WEEKS THIS MONTH ON pathofenlightment.blogspot.com
part2-cruel intentions 2
part 3-Sleath
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