Okay, you all see who's Directing this Film, So you already know....
THIS FILM IS RATED 18 FOR DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD, GORE AND DEATH THROUGHOUT!
The Cover of this film is just lame, 3 Red Tinted Headshots framed with Red Tendrils. Usually I hate that they don't convey the story, But given what you are about to read.... CONSIDER YOURSELVES LUCKY!
Last Chance to Back out Now!
*************************************************
Okay, Don't say I Didn't warn you!
The Film Starts with-What Else?- BLOOD! The Film Truly Begins with the Aftermath of a Capsized Liner, Juxtaposed to a Child, Digging in the sand on the beach, Until he is Shouted by his mother not to eat anything he finds, and he returns Home. Time Skips to Night-time, as the boy brushes his teeth before he goes to bed, then he has a midnight snack, A Plastic Pot he takes bites from, as his mother looks in with Sadness, as she grabs a pillow to Suf***ate the Boy.
The Next Morning, The Woman gets a Phonecall from her Husband's work, she tells his secretary to tell him the "Thing That looks like our Son" is Ready to be picked up, She cries, not for what she did, but the implications that her real son is dead!
The Husband returns to Mourn both the Son and his clone- So Anyway we Cut to Viggo Mortensen Sleeping on a Hammock of Living flesh held up by Tendrils ...
So Viggo plays Saul Tenser, a Performer who is woken from this Strange Contraption by his Lover/Manager Caprice (Lea Seydoux), Saul Complains the Bed, Which is Apparently Cyber-organic, because he Complains it's Software is not being Programmed to turn him and Anticipate his Pain anymore.
Caprice had Good News-Well Good Business at least-the Reason for Saul's pain is a a new "Harmonium" is in his Blood Stream, Viggo Growls a Less Pained Response. He thought he was "Tapped Out". But Given The Pain, He wishes he was.
Okay, So Maybe I should Call Forward and tell you what is going on! Because dammit they are going to be talking like this until the very end!
Humanity is Evolving at a Increased Rate, Including Saul Here, a Performer whose act is Growing new unseen Organs Adapting to a World that will see Humanity Evolve into..... Something Else! But these new organs when they arrive, Cause Saul a Great Deal of Pain, because when they are "Birthed" they crawl into place, that needs to be monitored by ultrasound, and it's Jangling his pain receptors. As Caprice eats Breakfast normally, Saul is propped into a device made of hands like the bed Helps Saul chew and Swallow for him. He's still having troubles at night when they leave the Rundown Studio they live in.
Walking through a Crime ridden backalley, they make their way to an Organ Specialist.
The Doctor is Nervous because at his office is an investigator for the Newly Coined and soon to be implemented National Organ Registry, but times are changing and new laws have to be Enforced when Evolution is Spinning into a new Reality.
 |
| "LIKE THOME KIND OF, CWIMES OF THE FEW-TUWE, IF YOU WILLLL!" |
The Investigator Miss Timlin, is played By Kirsten Stewart
So now we are getting Some Exposition, Yes Humanity is Evolving at a Rapid Rate, to the Point that very Soon Humanity will Branch off into a New Species. The last thing the World needs is The Unevolved is to become Prejudicial, or the New Species to Convince themselves as the "Master Race". And Thus, The Organ Registry, a Government Agency to monitor Rapidly Changing humans. With Saul being one of the first to Register is not only Growing new Organs, But is one of the few Humans to feel pain. The Doctor, Wippet, feels that the Loss of the ability to feel pain, is the thing that will lead to the Downfall of Society. Crime is on the rise, Worst Still, apparently the fad amongst the young is "Desktop Surgery" Videos.
"The Defendant, when asked, why they removed the Victim's Spleen with a protractor was quoted to have said, "IT'S JUST A PRANK, BRO!""
Still The Registry want to document Saul, the only man on Earth to still feel pain and they want to know why!
So Kirsten as Timlin pipes up and she's Trying to act like she's Crying, But she's Coughing and Gagging from the VapoRub They Put on her eyes to induce tears, Instead she's holding back the urge to Scream out in pain! So it's time for the Doctors to do a more in-depth Analysis of Saul's Body with these Two's Decoder Rings they have.
Guys, I Don't think Graphic X-rays of Stomach Contents is how you make sure Saul Drinks his Ovaltine!
As the Doctor has an Or**sm over Saul's New Organs (Wippet Genuinely calls it Sensual!) Until Caprice, Who is Recording this for Prosperity, Interrupts and asks the Doctor what are these Tubes going into Saul are, Wippet explains that the Registry is tattooing Humans with Extra organs, So they can Track them Easier, the fear is that these Traits are Genetic, and Hypothetical Children who would be born would not, In the Classical sense, be Human!
So A Government is tattooing all the people who are different, For their own protection,.... right! WHAT DOES THAT SOUND LIKE?
Timlin notices the camera, and tells Caprice that Videoing their work is Illegal, Caprice Argues that the law is not enforced yet, but she Concedes.
The next Day (Night?) Caprice Is Annoyed Saul invited Quote "The Two Registry Creeps" to one of their Shows. She's also is worried Timlin Finds Saul Attractive, And the Feeling is Mutual, when asked about it, Saul changes the topic to the Tattoo business, as it Adds a Form to the thing that is Growing and Changing, rather than let people Guess what it is...Caprice is not having any of Saul avoiding the Question, So she Ordered him to go to bed.
Saul is Placed in the Bed Apparatus, While 2 Female Technicians are fixing the Bed due to Saul's Twisting Anatomy. They are About to leave until they get a Surprise, When they see his previous Purchases, they get excited to see a working model of a Product their company no longer sells to the public, the "Sarcophagus".
The "Sark", described by Caprice as " her paintbrush", was a device used by morticians to Dissect Corpses. But she uses it to Vivisect Saul with lasers to reveal his organs and sew him up with no Scarring and Damage. In the audience are Wippet, Timlin and the Father from scene one, who angrily eats a Purple Chocolate Bar-
'Member Wonkalate? They were Delicious!
Everyone has a Different reaction to seeing A second Heart Come out and Stuffed on a Pickling Jar on a table while Beer and nibbles are handed out! At the After-party, with Saul exhausted lounging on a Love Chair, with Caprice giving him The Doe-eyed look. Timlin despite Being warned not to, approaches Saul.
Turns out Timlin ...gets off on this as she whispers to Saul "Surgery is the New S*X!
With Timlin expressing she wants Saul to Cut into her, like Caprice cut into him. When Caprice asks what was that all about, only for Saul to say "An Epiphany, Art Triumphs Again!"
As the New Bed Techies fawn over Saul's performance , An Angry Man steals The Chocolate eating man's Chocolate, only for him to die of a violent reaction and noone bats an eyelid.
We Cut to the Registry as Detective Cope interrogates Dr Wippet and Timlin. Cope is part of the vice squad and wants to obtain Saul's recently Birthed Heart. Wippet reminds us all that Saul had registered publicly , because as an Artist he wanted his new Organs to be recorded like pieces of a Portfolio of Work in a time where right now people are growing new body parts in secret. Cope Dismiss it, and Scoffs at the idea of removing tumours as art, Timlin corrects Cope in these Creations are not Tumours, they are indeed a different organ each show. And the Surprise is what makes it a hot ticket!
So Saul is a Living Kinder Egg, is that it?
So they Show Detective Cope the Tenser File, we learn that it's being months since the Show, Saul had grown new organs in that time and Caprice is now Tattooing the organs to draw them Artfully. Wippet had a Theory that Saul Wills the Shape and Function of his new organs.
We Cut to Saul in bed, as Caprice is Worried because Growths are Forming at a Quickening rate, Saul Jokes he's just been "Feeling More Creative!"
Caprice's Next Show called "Start Listening" sees a new Muse- a Nearly Naked Male Dancer with Stitched Eyelids and Stitched closed mouth covered in extra ears.
A Female Guest Confronts Saul and insults the Work. As A Biologist, Dr Adrianne Beacaux Mocks how the extra ears couldn't possibly work. The woman works for Klinex Corporation as it's Biomorphology Director, She heard Saul was Working on Multiple Projects as Evident by his entire body covered and him lurking in the Shadows. She gives Saul the Business Card of a "Dr Nassiter." Saul is Confused why he would need the Consultation for a Medical problem, only for Dr Beacaux to correct him: it's a Consultation for a POLITICAL Problem!
Finding the Father bloodletting a P*******e, The man offers Saul a Proposition: in his next show, he should publicly do an Autopsy on his "Son". Naturally Saul is disgusted....But Caprice, who is told about it During A Bout of K*nky Surgery in their love making think it's a great idea! We learn the man's name at last is Lang Dotrice.
After Making love in the Sark while being repeatedly cut, Saul agrees to do it....but it's a Double Cross! Saul is in fact an informant for Cope who wants Saul to Agree to it long enough to arrest Lang for Selling Organs, which is what New Vice was created for. Cope feels that the Registry is Compromised to follow the law. Saul gives Cope the Business Card of Dr Nassiter in exchange to speak to Dyuna Dotrice. The mother of the "Boy"
We Cut to Bioformware Autoshop, the Company that makes the Bed and Shallowing Chair that Saul uses. The Two female Technicians, Burst and Router are Modifying the Sark and adding tools, Caprice tells them she is worried about Saul as the Accelerated Evolution is Causing him to Cough Uncontrollably and Spasm in greater pain....BUT NEVER MIND THAT, LET'S ALL GET NAKED!
In another derelict area, Saul walks into the Office of Dr Nassiter, on the Surface, a Plastic Surgeon, but in reality he is the one of many third parties that will mark the New Humans for The Registry. He also has fitted Saul's Stomach with a quick lock to view the Organs, all the while going on about being roped into the "Registry Inner Beauty Contest". He calls the new crude Scar he shows Caprice a Done up fly. That lacks the mystique of "Sensual Cutting" after all, Surgery is the new S*X which cause Caprice to drag her Fingernails into the Scars and Drinks the blood like a Suckling Calf.
The Next Morning he visits the Jail where Djuna Dotrice tells Saul is Convinced Lang "Created" Brecken, even convinced she was made Artificially Pregnant to carry the "Lizard" in-Vitro. Saul asks her what the police expect to find if he was Giving an Autopsy. She convinced her Son was not Real jokes with the answer of "Outer Space".
At a Sweatshop that's Creating the Purple Chocolate, Lang tells his Group they are going to go ahead with the Public Autopsy, this will be the Moment "They" will be Known.
One hour into this one hundred and forty three minute film and they are still drip feeding us Plot.
At a Show Caprice was invited to a show by a Model. She's Reconstructive surgery done in real time and it moves her. Dr Wippet is at the show, though after it comes back to Head Office, that he and Timlin are getting personal with Clients, they are risking their careers on being here. The model, Odele is actually an Old friend of Caprice.... maybe TOO friendly! She Invited Caprice to their Hotel Room later!
We Cut to After Caprice Cheated on Odele with Saul Mocking her Being "Open". She was Open alright! Odele cut open her Forehead and planted horns into her freshly bruised flesh!
SYMBOLISM!!!!!!
Despite Saul in pain with Multiple new Organs Growing, the date of the Brecken Autopsy is getting closer and with the media Circus already surrounding the controversy, Caprice channels her Inner PT Barnum and makes this Media Circus, into a three ring by making Saul a Side Attraction.
Saul Visits Wippet at the Registry to Confront him about this "Inner Beauty Contest" he was wrangled into. Turns out the Registry is not hitting the Quota they are supposed to so they used Nassiter and Beacaux to pose as those who could help get rid of the Registry to ironically make him a Spokesperson for the Registry.
I agree they should have done that from minute one, but you are not really helping making the Cause that you are not a 1930s Style Government Agency.
Timlin Rushes Saul and Says he worried about Wippet. Saul regrets asking why, but it turns out both Timlin and Wippet Lust after Saul. Given having a insider to get info for Cope and that Caprice Cheated on him, and the fact Saul isn't Gay, he Leads on Timlin to cheat on Caprice with. It's a win-win to find out if Wippet is covering up the existence of plastic eating Lizardmen!
That night Saul and Caprice arrive at Lang's house to take Brecken's Body to perform on their show in a few weeks. Caprice sees the child in the freezer and now grows a Conscience! Lang explains that he has a point to make, and the police would only cover up what their coroner will find, no, only through a public Autopsy will the Truth come out. When Saul tells Lang what Djuna told him about the Plastic eating Child, Lang offers Saul a purple Chocolate Bar, Caprice shakes her head for him not to take it.
FORESHADOWING!
Lang believes Saul should not be hacking bout new organs for entertainment, Instead he should let the Accelerated Evolution take it's course. Caprice corrects Lang, telling him if Saul did that he'd already be Dead! Life Is Suffering and that's the purest Form Of Art!
 |
| "OH IT'S ART!" |
We Cut to another secret meeting between Saul and Cope who let's Him in on a secret: Lang's group -Synths! The Purple Chocolate bars? Their only Nutrition without eating plastic in Public. The "Lizardmen" are already among us! So now Cope want Saul to infiltrate their ranks to find the Synth Factory to flush them out!
And they are already known, the Reason Burst and Router didn't react to that guy Dying was they Are Synths. Using their Jobs to get close to Saul to butter him up as Fangirls and kill Those in the Registry like Dr Nassiter.
Lang tells Caprice and Saul about the Synth Movement, Unlike those who are Evolving Quickly, Synths Are Humans who Chose to Modify their Bodies to Fix A Mess done by Humanity: Plastic Pollution. They can eat plastic in an attempt to heal nature. Which is why Humanity is losing the senses of pain and the ability to digest flesh and Vegetation. Lang States that his son Brecken was the First Synth Child to be Naturally Born, the First of a New Species! And once they are known, He will not be the Last!
Saul However calls Bullshit on Traits that were Surgically Enhanced somehow becoming Inheritable genetically ("You Cut off your Little fingers... does that mean your children are born without little Fingers?") Lang admits that he doesn't understand it fully, But that's what happened, but this was his plan anyway before Djuna Killed him: to introduce his Son Publicly in the same way as the Solution to a Bright Future to Solve Humanity's Pollution problem, now his death Should be a Call For Synths to Stand up and be Counted!
Through an Untelevised Art Show that will only sell tickets to people who like this sort of thing in the First place!
 |
| "AND THIS IS BETTER THAN A MOVIE....HOW?" |
It's The Night of the Show and Both Timlin and Wippet are there, they just can't keep away!
TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHILD AUTOPSY! PLEASE SKIP TO THE NEXT RED TEXT IF YOU ARE OFFENDED!
Caprice Monologues over operating on Brecken and once he is opened up we see his organs are covered with Black Tar, It's enough for the crowd to Gasp with Disgust and Shock causing both Wippet and Lang to leave Shaken. As the Process Continues, Lang is Outside on the steps crying when Router and Burst find him. He doesn't understand how his son could be in that Condition, he was perfectly healthy before his death. But because he has Suspicions, The Synths feel like he knows too much and With Handrills, they kill Lang. I suppose they had them in their pockets the whole time! Back inside Caprice with her voice loud and full of rage denounces Djuna for killing her child she never loved for no other reason than being Different than her!
TRIGGER ENDS!
Meeting Cope for the last time, he tells him Saul they've being Had! "The Tar"? Nothing more than Tattoo ink! By using Timlin's unhealthy need of Acceptance by Something different, Caprice had told Timlin how to use the Sark to inject the organs with enough Black ink, off screen when cheating with Saul, to con the patrons and since the Sark Reconstructs the Body with no Scarring or Suture, noone would be none the wiser! All that was left was to Murder Lang Before he came out with the Truth. Thanks to their "Housekeeping" the Synths have they really wanted-A Cause for Uprising, with Lang's Death as a Martyr!
Saul is Racked with but only Guilt and Mistrust, But also Pain. As he nearly Dies in his sleep. Seeing Saul in so Much Pain almost makes Caprice Remember what it feels like. The next morning Saul is struggling to feed himself even with the Feeding Chair, Caprice reaches into a hidden box for the Big Reveal -SHE IS A SYNTH! Caprice feeds him a Purple Chocolate she had hoarded in the box hoping it will ease his pain. And as he eats it all the scene drains of Colour and Saul lets out A Euphoric Breath...But is it a Sigh of Revelation that the Pain is gone and he too is A Synth? Or Death Rattle to signify that the Pain is thankfully over? As the Credits start to play straight after....
WE MAY NEVER KNOW!
JUST LIKE I WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST WATCH?
Eschewing Gory And Sudden scares, for Stylistic Shock and Uneasy Moral Decisions, The Cronenburg of old has mellowed into making moves with "Meaning". But the Worse thing you can do when you make a film with "Meaning" is not make sure Everyone knows what your "Meaning" Meant! And you get films like this where one Character, in this Case, Cope exists solely to give Exposition in straight language. In fact noone talks like a real person to each other, they either give lore to the Dumb people at the back of the Class, or Purple Prose about "The Sensuality of a Second Gallbladder!" NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT....And If you Do....
Speaking of....well.... Speaking, how is it that this film of mostly ESL actors and actresses, all have better line delivery than native English speaker Kirsten Stewart? Not only can she not fake tears for toffee, she is out acted by people who will never be stars in Hollywood! The World Building is Strange, we get to see a Capsized Liner Next to a Beach in the opening and for the rest of the film it's nothing but warehouses and Dark rooms. Like the Capsized Liner in the background of scene one, there is a bigger Story that was More Interesting to focus on: A World Where Humanity had lost the Ability to feel pain and so society crumbles into a world where life is Cheap as the thrills and Crime has no Consequence: MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT THAT!
The Music is Jangling and Unnerving, to force down an aura of Unease and Discomfort very expertly done by the Sound crew... Because with the Amount of lacklustre scares they needed to force Horror that doesn't Exist, Sure there's the Scene That is a Trigger is One with Shock value, and Lang's Murder, the other scenes just look like A Text book from an Anatomy class and Nassiter's murder looks like one from a teatime murder mystery show, with Nudity and Shock value to bump up the Rating. Disappointing was expecting a whole lot more!
CREDITS
Crimes Of the Future was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli on Twitter)
With Media From:
Crimes Of the Future
Kevin Hart: Laugh at my Pain
Lowestoft Library's facebook page for having a picture of an open bar of Wonkalate!
NWA
Twilight
X-Men 3
Police Squad
The Simpsons.
NJPW
The American Government.
All Rights Reserved. All media used belong to their Respective owners.
Crimes Of the Future was Produced by Serendipity and Distributed by Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment.
NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!
SOME THINGS ARE NEVER MEANT TO BE SEPARATED!
LIKE A TEAM!
OR ATOMS!
THE GRINDHOUSE SPECIAL EVENT RETURNS!
2 TICKETS TO HELL!
Barbie!
Oppenheimer!
The 2 Biggest Films of last year! Both Cinematic powerhouses in their own rights. Forever Bound by Rivalry!
In Ticket To Hell: ATOMIC PINK!
STARTING IN APRIL!
No comments:
Post a Comment