THE FOLLOWING FILM IS RATED 12 BUT THIS REVIEW IS WRITTEN WITH AN ADULT AUDIENCE IN MIND.
(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!)
Ticket to Hell launched this year, with a bang as this time we plan to review the eternal rival to Oppenheimer, but before we start we must finish this review of Barbie, a film that shocked audiences by being both a celebration and Subversion of Barbie's 65 years on the Throne of Girl Toys!
Until the Day, Barbie (Margot Robbie) got an existential crisis and changes her figure. Told she had malfunction, she's taxed to find the Child who plays with her to correct the Negative thoughts being affected onto her. But she has a Stowaway a Ken (Ryan Gosling) who is in love with Barbie, also comes to this world, but brings back something more dangerous than any virus or parasite- THE CONCEPT OF PATRIARCHY! When Barbie returns after Mattel is no help, She unwittingly brings the family who effected her back to Barbieland to Escape The Random Screaming and Jumping of Chairman Will Ferrell. To see Kens treating all the Barbies including the President as Brainwashed Slaves. However after Barbie has a break down, The mother of the two humans, Gloria, the source of Barbie's Existential Dread, Gives words to her feelings of living as A Women Working in a Man world, is found to be a cure to brainwashing! And now that's the plan to go undercover freeing enough Barbies to upturn the Vote to make Ken the new leader.
SERIOUSLY THOUGH READ PART 1 AND 2, I MISSED PARTS JUST TO BE CONCISE!....IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT!)
So the plan is Actively Flirt with other Kens in the Vicinity of Beach Ken (Ryan Gosling). Ironically what Ken Thought Barbie (Margot Robbie) was doing to lead to Ken because the Pompus Plastic Pope of Patriarchy. This is how The Freed From Brainwashing Barbie's plan to turning Ken kind against each other, with Barbie Fawning over Asian Ken's singing and playing Nickelback songs when the Kens have a Similar Beach date at the same time. This causes The Kens to turn on each other and go to war- Hopefully long enough to kiss the vote to put Ken in power completely.
This leads to a ridiculous-IN A GOOD WAY!-War Scene, where the beaches are stormed with Jetskis and the armies of Beach Ken and Asian Beach Ken are Armed with Sports gear to settle the Score once and for all!
It would be a shame if a Forgotten Third party or loose end got in the way of fixing this mess!
And sure enough, The Mattel Executives, (lead by the Chairmen, played by Will Ferrell) have made it to Kenland, in the midst of The Faux Battle, The Concentrated Machismo causes reality to change into a Sound Studio and both army square up-through the Medium of Dance! Yes through the song that is sang through this sequence, Gosling and all the Kens in their Faux understanding of Masculinity have unlocked the Least Manly thing ever: A Grease Reference!
After the Literal Big Song and Dance, Black Beach Ken (Ncuti Gatwa) reminds Beach Ken that today was the voting Day, A vote that has already been quashed by the Majority of liberated Barbies, A number that is swelling like A Splitting Amoeba.
The Vote is past and the Barbies take pleasure in Rubbing it in (The President even Swears at Ken, though it's Bleeped- 12 rated film after all!), Causing Ken the sore loser that he is, to run off Crying in what was his bed in the Dreamhouse he stole.
Finding Ken Crying, Barbie finally gets it, when Ken reveals "Sometimes I wish this is OUR Dreamhouse!" So Barbie apologizes to Ken, for taken his friendship for granted, when he goes in for kiss, Barbie pushes him off! Ken tells her she did all this for her Attention, he exists just because of s chance of her attention, Barbie tells him that's wrong, he's Ken, THE KEN, he replies it's always "Barbie and Ken", with her getting the top billing. Barbie gives Ken the Sad truth, he has to realise who he is, Otherwise a Doll could go the real world and Bring back Something far worse than Patriarchy! He has to discover who he is beyond the clothes, the Patriarchy, the Horses and yes Beyond Beach, and beyond Barbie, Ken is Ken and Different from the other Kens, just like Every Barbie is Different. And it works the Kens either stay jerks, completely go back to normal, but those Ken's who had Barbies are remorseful that they would treat them like that.
This reveals Will Ferrell from nowhere Jumping and Shouting Will Ferrell Things! Like he wanted to mandate office wide Compulsory Tickling! Yeah I am sick of Will Ferrell after Holmes and Watson too!
Chairman offers his help, by reveal in the Will Ferrell way possible, of ignoring the Plot to this point, he will takeover Barbieland as long as the Barbie's call him "Mother Mattel". The president refuses. She does make some changes, Namely adding Weird Barbie to her Cabinet (she asks If she can be In charge of Sanitation) and making Asian and Black Beach Ken Minor Judges, but they don't care if it's a small role as long as they get to wear robes.
Sasha Nudges Gloria to ask her Boss Something, and that Something is if the Company can make an "Ordinary Woman Barbie" one that isn't A perfect Being or President, maybe she's A mother who wears Baggy clothes and flat comfortable shoes. The Chairman says that's a Terrible Idea, until the Accountant crunches numbers and tells Mattel they are going to be rich from the idea. Didn't Chairman say he didn't Care about the money, he cared only about Barbie's Image?
(GREAT CONTINUITY)
You are not good at your job, Sir! Just like when Sasha asks him what Original Barbie's Endgame is. The Chairman stupidly replies "Easy! Fall in love with Ken!" Only for Barbie to say she's not in love with Ken, she doesn't know what her ending is. This causes a Women's voice in the gathered crowd to shout "And that was the point!" It's the old woman Barbie met in the Detached Room in Mattel's Basement, "Ruth" or rather-Ruth Handler creator of Barbie! (As played by Rhea Pullman)
She says "Don't Listen to Mattel, I'M MATTEL! Or I was before the IRS And the tax evasion, But that's a plot for another movie!" She wants Barbie to walk with her and thus this makes Will Ferrell and the other wave slowly like they are heading to the Afterlife! (The Chairman previously didn't recognize his company's Founder and generally thought she was a ghost haunting Mattel!)
Maybe it was just a random thing Ferrell Shouted whilst Jumping up and down, as Creator and Creation Walk into a White, Dry ice covered Void. Barbie tells Ruth her Problem. That all the things she had done to this point, were team efforts and maybe, she is not "Barbie" anymore, Maybe she's a Human, .Maybe she can live like a Human, But can an Idea be A Human, if the Ideal Human Doesn't exist? Ruth tells her Creation That Ideas Live Forever, Humans Not so Much. Ideas are made to make Humanity make sense of the world like "Patriarchy" and "Barbie"....and "AND THEN YA DIE!" Barbie has an idea, She wants not only be an idea, But a being that is fully ware enough to reimagine herself. Ruth is Surprised on how self-aware her creation has Become. Barbie wants permission from Ruth to become human to work for Mattel, she scoffs on why she thought she needs permission? Barbie answers softly because you are my Creator!
Ruth Proudly exclaims this:
"I Control your life, No More than I control my Daughter's. I Named You after her, Did you Know-"Barbara". And As a Mother It's our Job to stand still, to see our Children look back at us, To see how far They came!"
Ruth Stiffens up and Asks if becoming Human is truly what Barbie wants. She Nods, and Ruth Asks her to take her hands and Close her Eyes and to Feel, as the Oscar winning Song "What was I made For" plays, Home Videos and Stock Footage of Girls and Women in various Emotions and increasing Age play in Barbie's Mind. When Barbie opens tear flooded eyes, Ruth has taken her leave, as the Void Brightens to a flashbang when Barbie says yes.
When Colour Returns, We are Back in L.A. As a car parks outside a Clinic as The Narrator (Helen Mirren) tells us she is now living as a human, and one last Gag before the Credits we now know Barbie is now fully Human, as this Clinic is a Gynaecologist!
And if that Didn't make you spit out Your Drink, The ending Credits has Stinki Minaj rapping about her Big Fake Butt to the Tune of Aqua's Barbie Girl!
Despite These two Mis-steps, THIS FILM NOT ONLY DOESN'T SUCK, IT HAS NO RIGHT TO NOT SUCK, GIVEN THE PREMISE AND ACTORS INVOLVED!
Trust me, the Eamonn From 2 years who saw the Stills of this movie thought the same thing more well known reviewers thought: Nothing more than a Soulless Cash-grab with Margot Robbie as Eye-candy For Dad and Big Brother as an Excuse to tag along with daughter and little sister!
NOONE WAS EXPECTING THIS!
The Script is Razor-Sharp, Both referencal for Barbie fans and self-defacing for everyone Else. The Music is Suitably plastic Hollow mass-Produced Pop and Non-Offensive Soft Rock, which sadly you have to listen through the likes of Poo-poo Lipa. NickelSuck and Stinki Minaj to get to the Impactful "What was i Made For" to get to something with Substance.
Which Brings us very Nicely to the Cast, And for Everyone who thought Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling was Going to Phone it in as the leads, well they Didn't Blow it!
Robbie and Gosling left "Harley Quinn and her Ass" and "Young Hercules" at Home, Margot played Barbie as a Naïve Fish out of Water with Aplomb, But it was Gosling that stole the Show as the Jealous Spurned, Male friend who became a Patriarchal Dictator who Blurred the lines of Reality and Parody. And for those who argue, that the statement of Ken being is Believable Despot is Ridiculous, May i counter with this Statement: History has Proven that all Dictators were Ridiculous People, otherwise they would never have being quashed! And the plan to take him Down was so Funny, Distracting Kens by having Barbies play dumb as they mansplain a long-winded topic! But in the end Ken was still a man in love, and the way to stop him was to realize he was not in love with Barbie, he was in love with the concept of being "Ken and Barbie".
That's our Stars but what about our Supporting cast, Well Despite Cameos by Ncuti Gataw and HIS NAME IS....JOHN CENA! Who only had 3 lines between them, the rest of the cast was pretty Good, Namely Michael Cera as the Wimpy Beleagured Alan Doll (Yes Alan exists, his only character traits are he is Ken's Best Friend and his Clothes fit him!), America Ferrera was Fantastic in this as the Punch-clock Secretery for Mattel who has to deal with a job she hates and a daughter growing apart from her! And Yes, I'm sad to report that Will Ferrell still Thinks Jumping Up and down and screaming random things Counts as Comedy, But thankfully he was not made a producer in this film like Holmes and Watson so he was Put on a Short leash, But The hero of the Supporting cast was Rhea Pullman, playing a version of Ruth Handler, Equally as both the Sage Mother Figure that Barbie needed and the Self Effacing Sassy Tax Dodger who Doesn't give a Monkeys! The Result is a Near-Perfect Comedy Film with Meta Humour, twists, a good heart...Unfortunately it's still a musical with a terrible Soundtrack-TSK TSK TSK!
CREDITS
The Barbie live action Movie Was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli) On twitter!
With Media from
In part 1
Dungeons and Dragons 2023
Monster Hunter Live Action
Poster for Upcoming Borderlands Movie (at time of review)
Barbie
Pirates and Scientists
Family Guy
Barbie Dreamhouse Adventures.
The Daily Show
In part 2
Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension
Dragon Ball Z And Dragon Ball Z Abridged.
Wrestlemania 36
Jontron
IN PART 3
The Barbie Movie
Futurama
ALL MEDIA USED BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE OWNERS
The Barbie movie is Produced by Warner Bros. Barbie is the Property of Mattel. All Rights Reserved.
NEXT WEEK! ONLY ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!
We had fun the last 3 posts, but now, the gloves are off! The Tone is set to change as we look at the other runaway Success Of last year! Join me on Tuesday the 7th for Part 1 of Oppenheimer!
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