CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2020: BAD MOMS' CHRISTMAS-REMASTERED

(PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE...

Eamonn's Attempt to destroy the Meteor heading to Earth was thwarted by damage to the Express train to Hell. Leading to Earth being in the hands of fate.

Speaking of Hands, the giant Hands that saved Eamonn, Belong to Sabaru, a Humonoid of Great Beauty, Untold Magic Power and Hidden secrets....like why is trapping Creatures from Every Planet and referring to them as "Signees?"

When we left off Eamonn was teleported back to Earth, seemingly aged and now Dressed as some kind of Security Operative or G-man. covered in a Poncho like garb. He threw off the Garment, Revealing that his Gae Dearg Gauntlet, his weapon made to control and maintain the power of his Satanic Fist, was now upgraded into a amorphous, vorpal liquid metal, that Eamonn command by thought into a sword. he then jumped into the air as the back of his bullet proof vest, opened like a Beetles back to reveal a jet pack. Using the sword and Chi in destroyed the Meteorite, cutting into several pieces then blasting and Teleporting those pieces that would still be a threat. All the Time. Eamonn was Tracked by Camera Droid that looked like Spiders climbing walls and trees to get shots by climbing via Film Strip "Webbing"

When the crisis was over, Eamonn standing in the settling sandstorm he had created. Put the Sword over his shoulder. The Blade melted back into a Gold-Pinkish Metal Gauntlet, that went up his formarm and ended with a Cloth like material that even had embroidery like filigree design. He Turned to Joe-Jack, His Mother and Ostrich.

"HEY"

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!

 Look, I said it over on Enlightened Towers In October before closing it til 2021, but fuck this year! So hell in a cell was a last gasp of a wwe show, NOW TO END 2020 With a glorified Deleted scene Masquerading as a sequel!

Oh look It's their Faces as the dvd cover! Moving on!

It's Strange I'm Doing a Sequel without ever delving into the Original Film So Here's the skinny: 3 Chicago Mothers, Overworked, Overwhelmed and Underappreciated By the Snobby PTA, Decide to to use their free-time to get drunk and party, much to the chagrin of every Karen in the 'Burbs! It costs Mila Kunis' character her marriage but she has bounced back re-marries and co-parenting her kids and the daughter of her new husband, Jessie!

We start At the Aftermath of Amy Mitchell's (Mila Kunis) Ruined Christmas! A toppled tree, A ruined Banquet, and a camel running past A drunk Amy!

We are told the story in flashback and with stock footage of a Nice family Christmas, However Amy is a single mother now so she is singlehandedly fixing up Christmas decorations and being Judged by the women who have hired help! And to make matters worse! Amy's mother has invited herself to her home!

We cut to Kiki (Kristen Bell) A Stepford wife And her 3 bowlcut Children Causing Havoc and Stepford Kiki to blow a circuit of her programming! Doorbell and what what maybe a prevailing theme, Her Mother has arrived announced, Played by Useless Adult Stereotype Typecast, Cheryl Hines.

And finally Crass White Trash Spa Worker Carla (Katryn Haan) Returns home to she her Roadie Mom taking a ride off a truck. She's happy to see her, which is a change, But Momma is too drunk to it's now Christmas! So Carla sees through Her Bullshit!: Momma wants Money, But she's being coy about it!

5 days til Christmas, and Amy Has laid a last minute Party spread to impress her mother, Too Bad Her Mother is the Ultimate Karen, Here is a quote from the film that actually made me laugh:

"WHEN I WAS 6, I MADE MY MOTHER A BIRTHDAY CARD! SHE RETURNED IT TO ME WITH CORRECTED GRAMMAR!"  

So 5 Minutes in, and i want to punch Amy's Mom and her Toadie Dad! She Gifts her Biological Grandchildren Gifts, Mistakes Amy's Latino Husband as the Help and Basically Shits all over the efforts of her daughter! Basically, the plot of the 1st film in the space of a minute. And she has invited 180 of versions of her to Chicago on Christmas eve and expects her Daughter to foot the bill.

4 days til Christmas and Shopping is a nightmare with Unruly Kids, So They Decide to get drunk and deal with Christmas, Bad Moms Style, Putting pressure on themselves and getting nowt in return? it's the PTA all over again! So filled with Bile, and mostly alcohol, We see them give the children a run for their money, So it's MONTAGE TIME! Getting drunk, Kissing Strangers, Twerking on Santy, and it all ends with them stealing a tree from Foot-Locker to appease Karen-SPOILERS! IT DOESN'T!

Over at Kiki's-Cheryl's clinginess to her daughter manifests when they notice sitting in the corner whilst Kiki and Harold are having sex!

3days Before Christmas, and Amy wakes to workmen in her house as Karen Lavishes Decorations and Expensive gifts to her grandchildren, Pisses of Down-To-Earth Carla when she hears about it later, All Amy's other friends are going to a Soft Play-Area later, But Karen expects the family to go to the Nutcracker-Not the twee version, but the 5 hour version in Russian, just so she can splash the cash! At the Spa we learn why Susan has arrived back to Chicago...for free spa Treatments form her Daughter, So Carla heaps the scorn about being single til Susan half-listening just says "Spare Change, Bro?" She wants $15k for a undisclosed reason and Carla folds as Susan starts to shoplift!

That Night Amy snaps and brings her family to the soft play area instead of the ballet. In the Mall we finally learn the Mothers Names, The Karen is Ruth, Cheryl Hines is Sandy and Susan Sarandon is...

"ISIS.....LIKE THE TERRORISTS!"

All the 3 families have low budget fun in a montage, except Ruth of course, Until Jessie's Daughter asks "the grandmas" to play Dodgeball, Ruth and Isis take that Personally and Ruth takes it too far when its only her and Amy Left in a high noon style shootout! Amy wins then Ruth takes a slow motion Ball to the Vag! Besmirched in Public, Ruth vows to husband to double her efforts

2 Days til Christmas and at the Spa, Carla's next waxing appointment is a male stripper (JESUS CHRIST! IT'S THE SIZE OF A TRAFFIC CONE! I'M GONNA NEED MORE WAX!" ACTUAL FUCKING QUOTE!) At Therapy Sandy and Kiki hash it out as Dr Wanda Sykes, PHD in Black Stereotypes, wags her finger and Tells Us Mama Don't Like That! Especially when Sandy Fakes Cancer for Attention!

Over at Amy's Ruth's "Doubled Efforts" has manifested in making the whole family Christmas carol all night, with a professional choir at course to win the Neighbourhood Carolling Contest, force Amy to be dressed as Scrooge, much to the delight of the Elitest Karens of the PTA! Thoroughly embarrassed, Amy tells Ruth that she wants a mellow christmas, with her ALL! of her children and her new husband!

That Night the Bad moms, go to the Sexy Santa Contest, Ty told Carla about! Seeing the Beautician, Ty invites Carla to dance on stage, Until Isis makes an ass of herself and falls through the bar! Though Embarrassed by the accident, Ty promises to stay in touch!

Ruth tries to Poison her Biological Grandchildren against their mother, bearing more expensive gifts. Christmas eve and Carla and Isis are scamming booze from shoppers with a fake canned food drive! Carla wants Isis to stay so she gives Isis 500 dollars for the "investment"!

Over at Kiki's Sandy's Gift to her Daughter is a spare Key to her New House, next to her's, This is when the rest of Stepford Kiki's Programming has short-circuited into a Nuclear Meltdown!

Returning from Sledding, Amy is shocked to see Ruth has Commandeered the house to host a Big Ridicolous Party, Including a Life Size Nativity scene with Camels, for all her snobby friends, Amy confronts Ruth and the truth comes out: Not being Married to a wealthy man has made Amy an embarrassment in the eyes of Ruth's friends: Angry, Amy destroys everything that was destroyed in scene one, as her children look on in horror! So Amy Kicks Ruth out!

So We are Back where we started, Meanwhile, Isis has done a Midnight Flit with Carla's Money, Sandy is now in deep thought in a house she now regrets Buying, whilst Ruth is in an empty church, when Sandy and Isis turn up all feeling shitty about themselves. Meanwhile Without Ruth's thumbprint on his forehead, Amy's dad can actually parent his daughter, and tells Amy that Ruth is the most insecure person he know. Wanting to apologize, Amy asks her father where Ruth is and it's Christmas Eve: where does any Rich, Conceited Big-shot go to be seen and save face?

THAT'S RIGHT, MASS!

It takes a lot, but Ruth Apologizes and we have a make up Montage of mother and daughter re-decorating the house in a style that is a compromise, though she is still racist to Jesse,....so baby-steps? In Kiki's house, Sandy has sold the house next door as she is returning to Nebraska, and Isis returned the mother and so the 3 families have Chinese food for Christmas dinner Until Ty comes to express his love for Carla....through the medium of Erotic Dance!

THIS FILM IS BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!

The story is solid, the characters relatable, the support cast is great (Susan Sarandon is a hoot!) and while the Comedy is clever, it's not as crass as i thought it would be! I wouldn't mind watching it again, but is it the best Christmas film? HARDLY!

CREDITS

Bad mom's Christmas was reviewed, compiled and edited by Eamonn Bermingham @RealEnli

with media from the same!

Bad Mom's Christmas is distributed by Entertainment in Video. All rights reserved.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

I will return on January the 4th with on enlightenedtowers.blogspot.ie with a schedule of all the posts I plan in 2021. So until then,  all contact is through my Twitter account! Merry Christmas and a happy new year and WEAR YOUR FECKING MASKS!

  

Birds of prey part 2-REMASTERED!

PREVIOUSLY ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE...

Just as Earth is about is to be destroyed by an Meteorite, a seemiingly time-displaced advanced Eamonn, who in fact was only missing for a week materialized as some sort of Inter-Galactic G-Man! Under the Pomp and Circumstance of being in the Employ/Bed of One Sabaru Of the Mara!...Meanwhile....in our Review, Harley has split with Joker, but instead of Spilling the tea, she spilled Blood instead! 

Not trusting Harley, Romin tells Victor to Group text every Merc and Scum in his employ...which now includes Dinah, that Half a Million Dollar Bounty is on Cassie's Head, Leading to where we were before the flashback.

Harley steals a Key Card, but is Denied Access, so she destroys the Consul, Causing A Sprinkler Malfunction, as if the costume wasn't tight enough, and then releases the convicts, but Harley still has a price on her head, So during a Slow motion Fight in the Rain, Cassie runs off, Harley after her, and Mercs after them!

They Run into a Confiscated weapons warehouse, where For a DC Villain must be like, locking the A-team in a Garage! Harley is like a kid in a candy store, reunited with her Aluminium Bat, but when she hides behind a pallet of cocaine that gets shot up, some goes up her nose and she powers up like Popeye on Spinach!

Is Harley Quinn Also Snowflame?

Taking out 5 Mercs and Montoya, Harley grabs an unconscious Cassandra and steals a Station wagon with 2 mattress on it's roof, Cassandra wakes to Harley Passing her a Stick of Dynamite to waste a Bounty Hunter!

Stealing Groceries and Enough Laxatives to flush out the Channel Tunnel, Harley Returns to the Vietnamese Restaurant where she has bed and board in, after learning that Cassie can escape handcuffs, (Plot point!) Harley gives Cassie advice on life, which the young pickpocket takes to heart, but she finds Harley's taste in pet Hyenas and talking to Taxidermy models weird!

So we get Huntress's New backstory - She is Elena Burtonelli, as in Burtonelli Diamond! She wants to seek her birthright after the family were slaughtered!

Meanwhile Romin-who was about as stable as a tap-dancer in a ball bearing factory to begin with-Is losing it!-Think a female patron is laughing at him he forces her husband to strip her and make her table dance for everyone! Montoya is taken off the Caine case and, Despite having Evidence, which she got by unlawful means when she took the phone off a dead merc.

In the Space of 5 minutes, Harley's life goes up in Flames, The Police raid her flat, A crazed Man Destroys her flat with a Catapult and a flaming volleyball, Bruce the hyena is killed. But the Deepest cut is Harley Realizing her Only Friend, her landlord has sold her out-For enough money to start a new restaurant afterall, "It's only Business!"

An Attitude Harley picks up quickly as she Gives Up Cassandra to Romin

The Handover is in the Arcade of Joker's Devil Playground Amusement park, Sionis is sending Zsasz being driven by Dinah, who is Montoya's New insider, Who gets the news, Huntress also learns somehow and all the pieces are in Play. Zsasz Tells Dinah to pullover, he tells Romin the Betrayal that sets him off as he Dons the Black mask to get his hands Dirty!

Meeting Victor At the Abandoned Amusement Park from Injustice, Cassandra is duct-taped  to a toilet so she can...Retrieve the diamond, That's when a drunk Renee storms in and Fights Harley, However Harley Picked up how to escape cuffs from Cassandra and Dropkicks Montoya through a second story window, That when She gets A tranquilizer to to the neck by Zsasz, While Dinah Rescues Cassandra,

While Unconscious, Harley is taunted by Zsasz, so it's about time to introduce Zsasz properly!

"Tally Man" or simply Zsasz, is an Assassin from Batman comics, working for high-paying crims like Black Mask, The Penguin, and as we saw in Batman Begins, Reluctantly for the Scarecrow, Zsasz has killed Hundreds if not thousands, if you are unfortunate enough to to be in the way of his target, your life is remembered on his flesh as a mark on his body. each nick and scar for every 5 kills on his neck, arms, back or face, he has killed to many without learning their names, but Harley's kill will be remembered as he points out where her scar will be.

Which means it also stupid for Zsasz, who much be in constant Nerve Damage pain, never mind the risk of Hepatitis, Septicemia and Gangrene from the constant nicking of his epidermal layer, he must be wincing with every light breeze hitting him like walking through razor blades, never mind a child pushing next to him to steal a diamond without reacting once!

So Zsasz calls out Dinah feeling threatened by her  "Stealing him away" Harley fights of Paralysis as Huntress Kills Zsasz, Cassandra is free and grabs Victor's gun and Montoya climbs back up into the room, leading to a stand off, Zsasz was actually the last Person on Huntress' Hitlist of her family's killers, the Capo, Lou Ferringo's character and Zsasz were in the firing squad that day, Elena thinks she's done but, Montoya tells her it was Romin who was behind the power grab

Outside Black mask has assembled an army. Harley drops the solid fact that they must work together to protect Cassandra, Reluctantly All 5 band together 5 against 100 is a desperate last stand in a fun-house. Luckily No Joker Hideout is never not stashed with weapons, though we do have a double bluff that shows Joker moves the hiding place on Harley. As Masked men Abseil in to ambush them, they escape in a hall of mirrors they split into 5 rooms, Harley in a room of trampolines, Dinah is a room of Seesaws, Huntress in a room of Busts of Harley with long swim Noodle Tongues, As Cassandra tries to escape with Montoya escorting her, they are attacked but Huntress saves the little pickpocket!

They Regroup On A revolving Floor (Somehow Harley Having time to Put on Rollerskates During a fight!) They take out all the enemies, Though Cassandra hasn't forgiven Harley, 

Walking Out like Heroes, they let their guard down and Renee is shot by Black Mask, Out of all but one bullet, Dinah Reveals why she is called black Canary...BECOZ SHE BLE....

(SMACK!)

No it's because She has Sonic Powers, Pushing back the Gunmen as well as propelling Harley on her skates towards Romin's car with Cassie Inside.

Losing Momentum Quickly, Harley is now towed by Huntress's Motorbike, Killing the occupant of a car and causing Romin to Crash his it a foggy Statue park on a pier, Not able to discern who is a person and who is a statue, Romin taunts Harley to waste her last bullet from the shadows That when Cassie struggles free from Romin to reveal she stole the ring off a grenade Harley gave her and planted it on Romin. The last thing we Hear from Romin before falling off the pier as Shark bait is a sound like Zsasz's Butt-plug fell out of him!

And so our Adventure Ends, Cassie gets the Diamond and Elena Decipher's it's secrets...somehow and regained her family fortune, Renee Quits the Police and joins Huntress and Canary as the Birds of prey, Harley makes Cassie her sidekick, Bruce the Hyena is found safe and well...and Most Importantly of All...Harley got her fucking Egg-wich!

THIS FILM IS OK STORYWISE-IT WOULD HAVE BEING BETTER IF THEY HADN'T FUCK AROUND WITH ESTABLISHED CHARACTERS!

This film is Harley Quinn and her Ass show, special guest her Cleavage, Part 2. Black Canary isn't Black, Cassie could talk til she was 15, and the reason i said not to google Renee Montoya because she appearance is a walking spoiler is this...

Renee would get scarred for life in the comics resulting in her having a mental breakdown and in her redemption become the Current alteration of the Hero, The Question. You trying to tell me you have a villain that rips off faces and and you couldn't connect the dots and make it work? Speaking of Black Mask and Zsasz why did they turn the two most ruthless Killers in Batman's universe and make them Homoerotic towards each other! Ewan Mcgregor Just Chews the scenery in every scene and comes of as LIMPWRISTED as they come!

If you know nothing about comics this is enjoyable enough, but comic book films exist to be enjoyed bu comic book fans! and changing other character's narrative to fit another will always attract nitpickers!

CREDITS 

Birds of Prey was Reviewed Compiled and Edited into 2 parts by Eamonn Bermingham 

With Media from

Birds of Prey

Green Arrow

I'm Alan Partridge

Batman: Streets of Gotman #14

New 52

Birds of Prey is property of Dc Comics and Warner Bros. All rights reserved.

NEXT TIME ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE!

IT'S A CHRIMBO WITH KUNIS! As we end the year with A Bad Moms Christmas!

Follow me on Twitter @RealEnli!

BIRDS OF PREY (AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF HARLEY QUINN)-REMASTERED!

SABOTAGE BY SLEEP-REALM OF THE NOT-DEAD!

(When we last left off, The SatanicOstrich, free from his work-prison in hell came to Earth to looking for answers to why he was free, why the Heroes of Earth is allowing a meteorite to destroy us all and more importantly, where is the Express Train to Hell? In that Order, A greater evil is stirring, It is but not from lacking of trying and The Train is mangled in said Meteor, but no sign of Eamonn.

Eamonn was taken to a faraway planet, seemingly under the pretenses of being rescued from the destroyed Earth, and seemingly married with Children to His rescuer, A humanoid women named Sabaru, who herself is the last of her kind, a Mara. But this is also a lie. Eamonn's "Marraige" is A dream-like Simulation, and Sabaru is a techno-organic Being who has gathered "Signees"those from different planets for her to clean up this "Season"-But What those this Mean?

In the Guesthouse Joejack, Mammy and Ostrich are thinking of a plan, or rather the 2 males are and Mammy, thinking the Anthropomorphic Ostrich is a "Doggy", keeps acting it to get away from the table

....So Let me get this straight, our only chance t'save Earth is gone! Our friendz in da otha Universes cannot 'elp coz interdimensional is now illegal cause of da Hole Heavenscar deal! Wot abou' Da Cosmic Entitiez, surely dey won't see the Lives of their billions die....

Oh That's were you are Wrong, Dear Heart! The Cosmic Entities see Humanity as nothing more as game, And Earth as a plaything, if your world Breaks, the Cosmic Entities will only be sad for a moment and start playing with a new one! 

So...We can't help from otha universes, we can't Bring 80's lad back and da Godz are a-holes! Am i missing anything?

....You also assume Eamonn is dead!

Wha'?

It's faint, but i could feel Magic from the Meteor, a source different from The Train's or Eamonn's Life Energy Mixed with the Shard from the Devil's Dvd-This new Power-It's Different-Synthetic-Like the Creature is Clinging onto Life by Harvesting on others.

(Mammy was watching Tv, as News Coverage was following every development of the meteorite Descent, When the news Footage Changed to a hi-Definition, Entertainment style Presentation. Excitingly Paced Sports show-Style Music Played as a voice greeted Earth!

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN-THE MARA INTERPLANETARY CHAMPIONS LEAGUE PRESENTS-MAN VS METEOR-A TELEVISUAL EXTRAVAGANZA TO CHANGE THE COURSE OF HISTORY-TO RIGHT A GREAT WRONG-OUR LEAGUE OF HEROES HAVE TRAVELED BACK IN TIME TO SAVE EARTH FROM THE THING THAT DESTROYED IT! INCLUDING THE LAST CHAMPION OF EARTH, OUR TOP SIGNING, LOST TO HISTORY A HERO WHO THWARTED HIS WORLD'S SATAN MANY TIMES, DESTROYED VILLAINS LIKE THE 80'S LAD THE EMBODIMENT OF RAGE! THE WICKED CHILD AND ONCE LIBERATED HELL ITSELF!

THE HERO OF EARTH!

EAMONN!

The Remaining heroes stop in Disbelief....

TO BE CONTINUED!)

AND NOW TO OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION!

....So This film has Many Covers, but this is the one i picked up. It is so Plain! Of Course Margot Robbie is front and Centre Swinging a bat that is covered in Art, Shame that a mixture of Photo Cropping and Motion Blurring has made it unreadable. Speaking of Motion, they could have Photoshopped the cover with Motion Lines, Shadows and Comic Text for sound effects. Namely Soundwaves from Black Canary, Shadows on Huntress or Detective Montoya, who in the far back, looks like a Drunken Wrestling Mark who came straight from Her 9-5, got Pissed and entered a wrestling to show how tough she is, Also Cassandra wants your lunch Money or she will punch you in the Dick!

Our Film Starts With Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) Narrating over a cartoon of her life to the end of Suicide Squad, Her Torrid relationship with her Father, Her Abuse by Nuns, her Mishaps in Love due to Bisexuality, Her Degree for Psychology, let led her to treat, and then fallen in love with, The Joker, Leading to her being submerged in Chemicals, turning her crazy, (though it ended with her gaining his invulnerability is up for debate!) However, It Being Months Since the End of Suicide Squad and Joker Breaking into Belle Reve to rescue Harley, So she Split up with Joker....when in fact she was kicked out of the gang!

Returning to Gotham where she grew up, At first Harley is an emotional wreck, but she occupies herself with her Newly adopted pet Hyena, Roller Derby, Drinking and Of course, GBH! It's during a wild Drunken Night out with her Roller Derby friends, She breaks the legs of a rude Man, who happens to be the driver for Roman Sionis (Ewan Mcgregor), Publicly the Owner of the Night club and Ace Chemicals, but in Reality, He is Black Mask, A crazed Mobster with a Penchant of Face Stealing, as seen when a gangster and his wife are slain this way, he's also a narcissist, hence the mask, as he spares their pretty daughter....until he spots a snot from her nose and recoils in horror!

Getting in more Drinks, Harley overhears her teammates saying Harley will crawl back to Joker eventually. To Prove a Point, Harley steals an Oil Tanker and drives it into the place where it all began-Ace Chemicals! It Blows up in Technicolor fireworks Leading us to the title drop and four minutes ago!

At a Crime Scene in an Italian Restaurant, A mass murder is being Investigated by Renee Montoya (Don't search her name in DC's wikia, because her appearance is a walking spoiler!) She is a down-trodden Gumshoe who cant get no Respect Because She's (GASP!)....A WOMAN!

Renee Surmises that The other 3 Bodies were Collateral Damage, the Real Target, A Mafia Capo was not killed by Bullets, But and an Arrow!

It can only be one Superhero!

.....THAT DOESN'T HAVE HER OWN SHOW!

Flashback shows us Huntress (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) who asks her Victim if she know who she is.

Honey, Not Even DC can Decide on your Official Backstory! Aren't you Batman's Daughter From Another Timeline? She accuses the Perp of being an Assassin For Black Mask, that is until the explosion happens! Investigating the scene, Montoya finds Harley's J pendant on the ground, She Surmises that Harley has Publicly exclaimed she is done with the Joker, She has lost all Immunity and has invited every victim and Bounty Hunter to her door, top of that list, Sionis for the factory she just blew up!

Hell, Harley Couldn't Even Have an Egg-Wich without rival Skaters, A scarred Lou Ferringo, Romin's Chauffer and the brother of Animal Handler who tried to rape Harley and got eaten by a Hyena, never mind all the warrants for her arrest, causes Renee to tackle Harley and toss her breakfast, Harley reacting like Gandhi got shot in front of her!

OSCAR CLIP!

Dumb Luck and an Assist by Huntress Means Harley Could Have Escaped Day One, Until Black Mask's Goons surround her, so she surrenders.

In the Police Precinct, Embarrassed, and Discredited further in front of the D.A., Who just happens to be Renee's ex girlfriend (Lucy Liu). Montoya tries to spin a connection between Sionis and "The crossbow killer" And a lost Diamond that has the treasure map to Mafia money etched onto it's atomic structure by lasers. which is why Pillar of Society, Slicey McFaysov, is putting money into Laser projection technology, Renee's lead was Romin's driver, but thanks to the bounty, He's now dead!

Renee Gets an Unknown Call, a woman's voice tell us, that a "she" has the diamond, not her calling but a little girl, a pickpocket who we saw at the roller derby.

To make Renee's Day worse, Harley Storms the Police with Pinkie Pie's Party Cannon looking for a Cassandra Caine!

That's when Narrator Harley Interrupts to tells us the film has written themselves into a corner! So a flashback from Romin's point of view is needed to the Night before when Harley was at the Black Mask club!

Remember in the 60's Batman Tv show the villains would hide in Plain sight, in factories pertaining to their gimmick, before the Modern era made them edgy and believable? Time have changed(!)

We see the Identity of Renee's new Informant, Club Singer Dinah Lance, aka the BLA.....AFRICAN-AMERICAN CANARY! Yes in the same time this was released, the Legends of Tomorrow tv show was going on, that show has the character White Canary, who kept her canon Ethnicity.

So yes~!

They kept White Canary white, and turned the more famous Black Canary black.....DESPITE THE FACT THEY ARE FULL BIOLOGICAL SISTERS!

We are not done with the stupid changes to established characters to fit this story, so this is not over yet!

In the flashback are days before the Deal with Chinese triads went south and before Sionis added 3 more faces to his collection, Sionis reveals he's evil because he didn't get enough hugs as a child! Romin Reveals he has the Burtonelli Diamond and needs every bit of financial clout to support and build a laser projector, Mr Ko refuses and...well I told you what happens next! 

Dinah Finishes her set and changes into Street Clothes. At the bar, A drunk Harley, tells Dinah the origin of the Word Harlequin, it means "Made to Serve", And the Harlequin and the Bird in a Cage have too much in Common.

A drunk Harley leaves with a strange man, and Dinah feels uneasy, and she's right. the man is kidnapping Harley for the bounty.

Dinah Kicks some ass, for those you don't know, Black Canary is a trained martial artist, something Romin didn't know about as he watches from his penthouse, it gives him an idea which he tells his "assistant", Victor Zsasz, he want's aDinah to be his new Driver!

Dinah lives in the same Projects has our new protag, Cassandra Caine, Yet another character they ballsed up to fit this narrative. They ruined Cassie the minute she opened her mouth to speak....as in SHE CAN SPEAK!

BACKSTORY!

The Character That will become the second Batwoman, was an infant stolen by lower level hood named Harry Caine, he trained Cassie to fight and kill at a young age, using the brainpower of an infant, it's said that a child of 2 can learn and understand 200 words and the world around them every day, Harry used that to make the most skilled and unassuming killer...at the cost of of Cassandra's speech and emotional development!

Instead she's a potty-mouth pickpocket because Black Canary can now be offended if I Served her Fried Chicken and Watermelon!

Cassie's Foster Parents are arguing, Cassie's arm in a cast a possible result of a past argument. But Dinah Tells her when she grows up, she will have a family of her own...

"OR YOU COULD MEET YOUR REAL MOTHER....AFTER SHE TRIES TO KILL YOU!

With her leads into Sionis now useless, Montoya tries to angle Dinah, Trouble is Dinah isn't to deep into Sionis or "cape-work"...Until Renee Brings up her mother, the hero she was and the powers her daughter shares!

"STOP GETTING COMIC BOOKS WRONG!"

Black canary 1 DID NOT HAVE POWERS! MOVING ON!

....That struck a nerve with Dinah as it seems Dinah Lance Snr was Murdered. Back with Romin and Victor, Zsasz tells his boss the "Crossbow Killer" has killed 6 of his men last night, Dinah Arrives and Sionis Brown-noses her by showing her his souvenirs of African masks, while being back-handed about African being a dirty and full of Spear-chuckers!

....and if they were using say an REAL African American Superhero like Say, Vixen and character whose powers come from African Culture, this scene would hit different!

Anyway today is the day all the players meet, as it's the day of the Burtonelli Diamond gets stolen by Cassie...as she lifts it from Zsasz' pocket, I'll explain in part 2 why one of Dc's most dangerous killers shouldn't have being okie-doked by a child, So Cassie is arrested and swallows the diamond.

That's a shame, because SPOILERS! Victor Zsasz is really good with Knives!

So we return to after the Black Mask gang capture Harley, who is about to be killed by Zsasz, when she cuts a deal to retrieve Cassie when her name is dropped, But Romin's pimp slap hits Harley so hard she daydreams she....Marylin monroe as she sings, in Harley's NU Joisery accent no less, Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend as All the Weedy looking Goons in the previous scene looked as intimidating as Back-up Dancers, reveal, that they are back-up Dancers She Snaps out of it As Romin Reminds her That his gimmick is ripping faces off skulls!

WILL HARLEY RETRIEVE THE DIAMOND?

WILL CASSIE RELIEVE THE DIAMOND?

AND WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH MAKING ZSASZ THE WAYLON SMITHERS TO ROMIN'S MR BURNS?

ALL THIS WILL REVEALED, BY HOOK OR BY CROOK! NEXT TIME ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

Halloween Special 2020: Shed Of the Dead

I Know 2020 Has felt like a Zombie Apocalypse in it's own right, but hopefully there is enough laughs in this British Zom-Com to keep your minds off it!

The Film starts with the Glorious Voiceover of Brian Blessed, narrating the saga of Casimer, a brave knight...only it's a DND Campaign!

This is actually the daydream of Trevor, an asthmatic, DnDer, who creates diecast figures, and vodka in his Allotment Shed in North London. he is Greeted by Mr Parsons, the Allotment Manager, who has come to tell Trevor he has sending a petition to evict Trevor, as he is not using the shed and allotted land as a Garden. Said Allotment has a stoner in it, but it seems Parsons is one of those "TECHNICALLY!" Jobsworths

Why do I Get the feeling Trevor will relish killing your animated corpse the most?

After Title Drop that contained the likeness of actors of a certain better Zombie Comedy, we cut to a hairdressers. one of the girls is Trevor's wife, who is closing up because her slutty boss, Harriet is dating a sugar daddy!

On the way home that night, Trevor bumps into Doc, An American Cowboy Enthusiast. He tells the Nerd he didn't sign the Petition, as they are in the same both, as Trevor continues on his way, we see Doc cover bloody bones with dirt with his shoe.

Trevor returns to find Bobbi and Harriet have eaten Dinner. Bobbi argues that she is the breadwinner and Trevor is wasting his time playing with the only other loser in town. So he heads to Graham's house, since she mentions it.

So Graham (played by Keith from the Office, or Dj Ewen from Clubland if you prefer!) who suggests killing Parsons. Graham is Agoraphobic, but if he wasn't he would be on Harriet like White on Rice! As the boys while away the night with tabletop games, A half naked Zombie girl crawls out of Doc's Allotment!

Returning home, Bobbi pretends to be asleep when Trevor returns home. At the Allotment, Exposistion FM, for all you plot needs, tells us that grave robberies are rife in North London, As the Zombie girl picks off the gardeners one by one! Harriet Accidentally kills Derek the Sugar Daddy from a heart attack during some BDSM!

 At the Allotment, Parsons accuses Trevor of stealing his potatoes for his still, He hasn't, but Parsons is just fishing for an excuse to evict Trevor, in an argument, Parson falls backwards and impales himself on a pitchfork, killing him stone dead!

Trevor tells Graham what happened next, he dragged him to his shed to dispose of the body!

Walking home the next day, Trevor is too caught up in his walkman and daydream to notice the Zombie Apocalypse has arrived! Arriving at the shed, he dismembers Parsons' corpse, covered in blood, only for Trevor to be trapped in his shed by the shovel falling over with the now Zombie of Mr Parsons. As Trevor calls 999 and is put on hold, he discovers that the Muzac calms zombies to  fall asleep, not that it's ever used again in the endgame!

He calls Bobbi, who answers the phone in the throes of an orgasm as she cheats on Trevor, so He thinks she's undead, so he calls Graham, because his Agoraphobia is bullshit! Trevor wants to rescue his wife and he convinces Graham to come out because rescuing Harriet will impress her. Trevor Smashes a bottle over Parsons head, plucks out his eye, crawls out off the roof by removing a sheet of metal, and finishes off Parsons, the bloodlust leaving his body and he passes out!

Graham comes to the Allotment and they meet Doc, who is a zombie hunter and fights off the zombie gardeners! Walking back to their street, Derek the Sugar  Daddy gets Zombified. Covered in Blood and wheezing without his Medication, Harriet thinks Trevor is a zombie and decks him with a frying pan, Leading to another Daydream of Bobbi as a Greek Goddess tending to Casimer's wounds!

Trevor wakes up to Bobbi and Harriet telling Graham that Bobbi did cheat on Trevor....with Harriet!

Despite Warnings, Zombie Sugardaddy has bitten Harriet and is roaming the House, Graham deals with him as Trevor gets some clean clothes on. Derek Bites Graham who makes the sacrifice to give the others a 10 minute head start. Zombie Harriet and Zombie Graham kiss/eat each other as Trevor and Bobbi make a run for it!

With North London on Fire, Doc rescues Bobbi and Trevor as he goes on a killing Spree, there is only one place safe place left, ironically the place it all started; the allotment, after throwing away his figure after stepping on it during a blowjob, Bobbi screams as the entire town descend, causing Trevor and Bobbi to have a climatic last stand against the Zombies

Trevor has one last daydream, Graham's alter ego, Brandt, reminding him of a campaign where Casimer used a fireball spell to kill Zombies, so he ignites his Still to do the same, Bobbi is bitten, so she covers herself with vodka, The Sole Survivor throws a Molotov Cocktail into the shed, Burning Bobbi alive but Saving London!

28 Fortnights Later
Trevor now living as the sole human in London, has Now become Casimer, learning how to Garden and Survive of the land, He sees Zombie Doc and Remembering his advice, Kills him with the Cowboy's own Rifle!

This film sucks!
the Moment they had an opening sequence containing actors likeness from more successful Zombie films, i knew this was tat! The difference between this and any good zombie film is something Romero and Pegg got right 5 decades apart: Human Nuance! You Felt Sorry for the Humans who turned into Zombies who were kind and heroic once, and you relished when the Asshole got the most gruesome death! Here, everyone is abhorrent, Physically or Socially! Bobbi is just the worst, Humanity is plummeting all around her, but she still has time to tell her husband what a waste of space he is! Also the premise of the film is a lie, 2 DND nerds survive the Apocalypse? I saw no swords, No Bow and Arrows, and the "DND inspired" plan of killing the Zombies was arbitrary At best!

Chalk another L for the Horror Channel!

CREDITS
Shed of the Dead was Reviewed Compiled and Edited and Eamonn Bermingham
(@RealEnli on twitter)
Shed of the Dead was produced by 7DM Studios!
All Rights Reserved!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGER BOX OFFICE:
IT'S THE RETURN OF THE UPSTAGING ASS!
PREY FOR ME....
MARGOT ROBBIE'S SCENE STEALING SEAT RETURNS IN THE REVIEW OF BIRDS OF PREY: THE EMANCIPATION OF HARLEY QUINN!

Sky captain and the world of tomorrow review

(Previously on Bogger box office....
The world is under threat....a meteorite is hurdling towards Earth...And our only Hope, our Hero has being ended up in a Paradise planet....with a wife and Children?....meanwhile unabated the meteorite journey of destruction gets closer, and the Express Train to Hell crumbled in the mass of the rock SatanicOstrich is now free from Hell...which means that Earth is under threat by something more sinister!)

(We Cut to Casa Di Culchie, Where Joe-Jack is trying to man the Mission control for the Train to Hell....However this man can't even Open a door without the intrusions written on them...not helped by the him being illiterate)
Eamonn...come in!.....PLEASE YA GOTTA BE HERE.....WHERE R YA!.....WE CANT LOSE ANUDDER WAN!....
AW PUR MISSER EAMONN....
(Behind Joe-Jack and Mammie, a puff of smoke and a red flash of flame revealed a 8ft monstrosity of scales, feather, and pink lacey underwear!)

QUE PASA, BITCHES? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY TRAIN?

(Joe-Jack pointed to the monitor, the wreckage of the train bent over the curvature of the massive rock,)

MY BABY! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU?
(Ostrich dropped to his knees sobbing, when Mammie came over and gave him an affectionate pat on his shoulder)
Don' Worry, Doggie, I'll give you a nice bowl o' meet fer ya afta dinna!
-SHE THINKS I'M AN ANIMAL?
-She's Auld and Not Well, Tellin' her that ye r da Divil will only mak' mattahs worsht!
-Well I don't know how they can get any better!

(AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!)

You know you can Laugh at Boom Boom Bay and his Explosion Fetish, You can mock Luke Besson, for casting Supermodels Less Emotive than the CGI And rubber suits in the same film.

But here is a rare Paradox in Sci-fi, a film at it most expensive and Frugal...as 3 oscar winner actors and a skeleton crew of extras were filmed entirely in front of a green screen, Speaking of colours, hope you like black, grey and Shit Brown, because this world was painted by an Emo's Pallet

And a Boring World is heralded By a Boring Cover, Jet Black with 3 small headshots of our mains, a Disinterested Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow holding a camera and looking like she just remembered she left the oven on at home and Pirate Angelina Jolie! at the Bottom of the title, a giant robot invades the city of....BLACK RECTANGLES! And it has a skull on the front of it!

We open in the Snowy November Skies above New York as the Hindenburg 3 Flies into Landing As an Old Man Conceals Vials Into his pockets.

The Man, A German Doctor  called Vargas Asks A bellboy to Deliver a Message and a parcel to a Dr Jennings, He speaks German But the Bellboy can read English and Vargas fears being followed, the Next Day Vargas is Missing, as reported by Polly Perkins

We Cut to Polly (Paltrow) in  her office at the Chronicle Newspaper, when she is given a pair of cryptic set of clues, A book On Newtonian Law and A cinema Ticket, A message Inside the Book Tells her to come alone!

Pollie's Motivation is your Typical Hard-Nosed Intrepid Reporter, who can get any respect because she's (GASP!) A WOMAN!

So She Goes to the Cinema. the film is Wizard of Oz-IRONIC since we seem to be over the Rainbow and the colours left are brown, sepias and greys!

Polly meets the Aforementioned Dr Jennings, who tells her he was Part of a 7-man group who did experiments for the kaiser, but out of guilt Defected, Six Scientists are Missing from the group of seven, not counting the 7th man in front of Polly, and this so called Reporter is thick enough to ask "who's next to be kidnapped"
Polly....

bruh....

On  Cue, the Air Raid Sirens go off, But Jennings Gives her a name of the man involved and a blueprint of a robot. the Name- Doctor Kopf. New York are invaded by Robots that look like every Poundshop Robot ever-made. Wrecks havoc in Midtown, so the police call for Back-up: The Sky Captain (Law) Flies into view.

Bullets do Nothing, A grappling Winch Only puts Polly in danger, Only Detonating A mine and taking out a leg, does the Battation of robots retreat, It seems like Polly and the Sky captain know each other, we even learn his real name is Joe!

So This is not an Isolated Incident All players in the war have had Weapons and resources to make them stolen, Sky Captain returns to a Secret Island Base to Refuel. The destroyed Robot is sent to Dex, the q of this film, who has already already made a laser!

So Polly has sneaked onto the Island, she and Joe were a couple, But split after Polly sabotaged his plane, causing him to be captured by the Chinese, because Polly suspected infidelity, she is is about to be thrown out until she hands him the blueprint.

Turns out the robot Attacks were not the first, the Sky Captain Corp has being keeping them a secret for 3 years, usually 1 robot every 6 months, each more sophisticated than the last. Polly's intel brings very little info on Dr Toten Kopf, except he has a,Asian assistant and he ran a secret division called unit 11 and the skull logo on the robots matches the logo on his warehouse in Berlin, so that where we are going!

Checking on Doctor Jennings Safety, Joe and Polly, break into his office when he doesn't answer. Jennings is a doctor of Molecular Minimization, in Layman's terms, Shrinking Big Shit and Growing Small Shit as evidenced by a tiny elephant in a bottle! Jennings Stumbles out, as Joe Finds the doctor's attacker, But stops in his tracks when the Attacker reveals to be....(GASP!) A WOMAN!

Joe's Sudden Chivalry earns him a Karate Chop from Kopf's Asian Assistant, She escapes and Jennings Dies (Don't Worry he Gets Better!) He Hands Polly the Capsules Vargas Gave him, Which she pockets without Sky Captain Knowing!) The Secret Island is Attacked, with Polly arguing that she should join Joe. Polly is a Backseat Flier, in a sad attempt of Levity, Dex has has found the location of the Source of the signal but gets captured!

To Avoid being Blown into the Atlantic, Sky Captain can become a sub....Except last scene a window was shot out so you should be drowning right now!

Returning to base It's being overrun by Robots. With Dex Gone they retreat. Polly finds a stick of Gum and a laser erected against a stone pointing up. At the underside of a girder, Stuck on By Gum is an Atlas Page on Nepal. That must be some sticky-AF Gum to stay there for 2 hours!

On the Long Flight to Nepal, Polly goes Through Jennings Briefcase he was holding when they met, they find Photos of Kopf and a Logbook of every Stolen Resource So far

Landing in Tibet, They Meet Kaji, Joe's Old RAF friend Played by Omid Dwadji, Polly tells Joe she doesn't trust this Muslim man she just meet.

DID YOU KNOW THIS FILM CAME OUT IN 2001?

That Night Kaji tells Joe the signal is being Transmitted from a taboo place...Shangra-La!

With Kaji as his Sherpa, they find Shangra-La, but instead of Verdant fields they find a Futuristic Dome, and an abandoned Mine.

Amidst The Frozen Machinery and Quickly abandoned Living Quarters, Joe Finds a Geiger Counter and switches it on, Finding the whole Mine is contaminated with Uranium....they then realize that Polly is missing so she has to be rescued, because she's (GASP!) A WOMAN!

The kidnappers are after the vials, that Polly pocketed without Joe knowing, after getting them, Joe and Polly are trapped in a vault.

After Bickering, they are rescued by Kaji, but the vault is filled with Dynamite as it explode they dodge a fake green screen explosion that would make Mortal Kombat ANNIHILATION, Proud! Knocked out in the snow, Kopf's Hot Asian Assassin, steals the Vials.

Because they have written themselves into a corner, the heroes wake up naked in Bed with each other, they have being rescued by the people of Shangra-La, or what's left of them. most had being captured by Kopf and made to work in the mine til they died, The heroes clothes were irradiated, so the men are given....exactly the same clothes they had, except Polly who also got a new haircut as well! The only Survivor weak and cancer ridden gives Sky Captain a staff and the Instructions to "Follow Rana" In Return the Survivor wishes for one thing-His Death!

Leaving Kaji, the Staff is actually an Astrolabe, A device for Gaining Direction Under Stars. Assuming "Rana" is the North Star and using the Current Date and his Navigator's Journal...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3fVj8A-K8E
He Determines that the Co-ordinates Lead to....Nowhere!

 Worse Still, his plane is running on empty, but they are close to a RAF refuelling Station, Manned (and i use the term loosely!) By Frankie Cook, You'll get that joke in a minute.

The Outpost is a Flying Fortress, operated by Frankie (Angelina Jolie) So Polly spends all the time staring daggers into Joe For not saying Frankie was (GASP!) A WOMAN!

From Outta Nowhere, Robots Torpedo Onto the flying Fortress, British Reconnaissance have discovered an island equal to the Co-ordinates the Sky Captain was flying towards!

The Torpedo Docks on Kopfs Island is the Only access in, but the British captain has an Ace up her sleeve-the Amphibious Squadron-20 Pilots including herself in Planes that also turn into subs, they also have fishbowls over there heads over normal uniforms so Bam! No Compression

The Amphibious Squadron are attacked by a Giant Enemy Crab!

Quick Attack It's Weak Point For Massive Damage, Frankie Jettisons her plane into the crab, but before Attacking, Frankie Jettisons her Jetpack to escape and that's all of Jolie's screen time!

The Island is Prehistoric ,as evendenced by the Diametra, MegaPhyton and Pterodactyls, But Polly has only one shot on her camera left! So turns out Polly did Sabotage Joe's Plane, But he really was a cheating Douche.

Venturing inside the Factory, We see why Jennings was targeted Miniaturized Animals are being caged and transported into a rocket, Kopf is building an Arc after he plans to Level Society.

Sneaking around is not an option, when Polly's High Heels kicks a loose pebble that hits the Metal Grating Loudly, But are rescued by a flying car manned by Dex, Vargas and Jennings...somehow! He was dead but looks like he got better! They fly off to escape a Battalion of Robots!

We Learn what is in the Vials -"Adam and Eve"-Human Embryos for Kopf's Aryan Eden in Space, and When the Rocket Reaches 100ft the earth will be Incinerated! Kopf is too well guard No-one has seen him!

Dr. Vargas tries to Enter the Inner Sanctum only to be electrocuted to death by 2 Tesla Coils that form a hologram of Kopf's Face (AND YES THAT IS LAURENCE OLIVIER'S FACE AND VOICE!)

"I AM OZ, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL!"

Tearing Wires out of the generators, during a long-Winded Villain speech, The Heroes enter the chamber they find Dr Toten Kopf...Long dead!

WHAT A TWIST!

His plan was automated from the get go

Joe is told how to Disable the rocket, But he wants Polly of the Island, So he Kisses her...then knocks her out with a punch!

Looks like Sky Captain took relationship Advice from Chris Brown!

So Dex, Jennings, and another professor they didn't bother naming (PLAYED BY JUDE LAW'S DA!) , escape, only to see Polly is gone. Sky Captain attacks the Nameless Asian, Only for Polly to hit her with a staff to reveal she is a robot?

Why would A Nazi, make a Perfect Android....AND NOT MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A WHITE PERSON?

Y'KNOW WHO CARES? THE SOON I FINISH THIS THE SOONER I CAN PICK THE HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!

After Polly punches Joe, they enter the rocket, wanting to save the animals, Polly presses the Emergency Release to free them, Cutting the Wife at the last minute, activates the rescue pods, Polly and Joe crash down, as the animals regain there natural sizes, In the amazing sight of a tropical Island with every animal on it. Polly wastes her last shot of her camera to take a picture of Joe...Only for him to tell this so-called ace reporter....she had the lens cap on, all the time!

(WAH-WAH SOUND EFFECT!)

OH POLLY!

YOU...WOMAN, YOU!

THIS FILM SUCKS!

This may be both the most visually and lierally dullest film I ever watch! The scenes are devoid of Colour, the acting and delivery of Modern Actors trying to act like those in the golden Age comes of as hokey, Not helped by the Stinted Dialogue, Sky Captain is An arrogant, smug Jackass, Jolie is basically a cameo, and Polly is just "HELP ME! I NEED RESCUING BY A BIG STRONG MAN, BECAUSE I'M A DUMB WOMAN!" How do you make a film about Giant robots. and shrink-rays and Shangra-La, and rockets, and bring Laurence Olivier Back from the dead...AND MAKE IT AS BORING AS SHOE SHOPPING?

CREDITS

Sky Captain And the World Of Tomorrow was reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)

With Media

From:

Sky Captain and the World Of Tomorrow

That Mitchell and Webb Look

Command and Conquer

Dr Who

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow was Produced by Paramount. All rights reserved, All Media used belong to there respective owners!

NEXT MONTH ON BOGGERBOXOFFICE!

Stay tuned to my Twitter page @RealEnli, because i will announce the name of the Halloween special really soon!