With 2019 post mortem being written up, this year will not be remembered too fondly. Personally it was the year i suffered two family deaths never mind all the political chaos In Ireland this year!
But 2019 was a year of Anniversaries of major franchises!
Rick and Morty turned 5,
Modern Family turned 10,
Family guy turned 20,
Power Rangers turned 25
The Simpsons turned 30
Scooby-doo, 40
The Summer of Love was 50 years ago
And In a New York Toy fair 60 Years ago, Barbie made her debut!
As a Brother of 3 sisters and Uncle to Many Nieces, One constant is no matter how different any two girls are, or how tomboyish or what trend she will follow, a girl will have at least one Barbie in her Natural!
Beloved by some, Mocked by Feminists, Barbie's Existence as a brand for 6 decades has being a strange one, From Being Accused that the doll encourages unhealthy and Unattainable Standards of beauty, to strange alliterations to keep up with the times and yes to keep up with the times Barbie has jumped into other media, Comics, Video games, cartoons and movies such as this but with all constant: They are all fluff for younger girls, the games are the worst offenders being either hand-holdingly simple or Cringe Inducing!
Hell, if want to know how bad the games Are, JonTron did a whole Video On Youtube a few years back!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml8gK3B3daE
So to give the decade the Bum's Rush it deserves, I'm Reviewing something really out of my comfort zone, but in the Spirit of the Season, so let's dig in to Barbie in The Nutcracker
So The cover is not going to blow you away! It's Pink, It's Sparkly, It's Festive! What more do you want Dammit?
Speaking of Handholdingly simple, the Dvd Menu also guides us in how to work the blasted menu! I Press Play and Away we go!
After some Discount Tinkerbells fool around with the Opening Credits, We Cut to A Ballet Studio where Barbie and her kid sister Shelley are Dancing...and oh my god this Animation Quality...Did they not have Motion Capture in 2001?
I say this because we get 2 identically danced Sequence of the same routine...Where it would make sense for the child to stumble and not be able to jump as high as her Adult Sister.
But Shelley does stumble, though it's a plot device! Barbie's sister is worried about stagefright at her recital. So Barbie tells her Practice Makes Perfect, Follow your Heart, Believe in yourself, Heart Of The Cards, BLAH BLAH BLAH!
So to prove her point the film now becomes what it is-a Scene-by-scene Recreation/Disneyfication of The Nutcracker with Barbie as Clara!
So for all you So Called Manly Men Out there, I'll Give you the Shorthand Version. The Nutcracker is Tchaikovsky's Ballet about an Orphaned Girl who is adopted by her Butler Grandfather with her brother Thomas at his master's servant house and to earn their keep, they are made servants. Grandfather Drusselheim is a stern but sensible man, completely polar to his Daughter Elizabeth, A globetrotting Free Spirit who has just returned from China. As her Father gives her a lecture on getting Clara's hopes up with fanciful stories, But Elizabeth asks her father to loosen up.
"Thankfully I bought something from Victorian Era China to help with just that! I Believe the Locals call it...OPIUM?"
That Night Elizabeth gives her niece and nephew with Presents. Thomas with toy soldiers and Clara with a nutcracker. Thomas wants the appliance because it's shaped like a soldier and both siblings fight over it, Thomas accidentally loosening it's arm. Clara Proceeds to use a hair ribbon as a sling for the nutcracker.
Midnight falls, as Clara sleeps on the sofa and as the Clock strikes, Something Magical enters the living room via a mouse hole. The owl in the Clock's woodwork comes to life. Mice Soldiers invade the living room and the Nutcracker comes to life to defend it. Clara hears the noise and is awakened and confused. Maybe Liz DID bring some Opium back from China!
From the Mousehole, The Mouse King arrives and exposists he turned the nutcracker into his current state via Magic. He blasts Clara with a shrink ray when she attacks him.
Outnumbered and Down an Working Arm, Our Heroes Escape.
So the Quest Begins for Clara to return to her size and for the nutcracker to regain it's humanity. They must travel to the Sugarplum Princess's Island in The Sea of Storms in the world Beyond the Mousehole. The owl gives Clara a pendant that will act like The ruby slippers if taken off!
PLOT POINT!
Ending up in an ice cavern, Clara unwittingly steps on a fairy using the 3d model of Shelley. Snow falls and the flakes become fairies who dance With "Shelley" trying to get the most attention. There is a point to this, as the fairies guide the two out of the cavern, and into the Nutcracker's Kingdom of Barthemia. A Bat overhears the Heroes LOUDLY! EXPLAINING! THEIR SECRET! PLAN! (Because we have to rip-off Disney by having annoying talking animals!)
Clara and the Nutcracker arrive at a Gingerbread Village, where the only survivors are two more Shelleys (We are really getting the value from the same 4 models, aren't we?) A horse (to sell to young girls!). They tell the story that Barthemia fell because the Mouse King Rose to Power Because the Former King's son , was the unworthy and useless Prince Eric.
FORESHADOWING ON A STORY TOLD FOR GENERATIONS!
Running from Mice soldiers, they are instead captured by Toy Soldiers, namely the Grenadier Guard and Bengal Swordsman belonging to Thomas and they are called...Major Mint and Captain Candy!
Angry that the army failed, The Mouse king turns a Stone Support column into a Golem and Possibly Causing the collapse of his own castle due to this stupidity!
So Clara and the 3 toys set out on an expedition to The Sea of Storms, whilst searching for a boat, they uncap a well full of forest fairies and after more music from the masterpiece, they revitalize the desert into a forest and they gather food and water!
But Never Mind that Shit! Let's have the golem Ruck up for a scrap like he just came from a Boss Fight from a poorly designed PS1 game, But the fairies freeze the sea and they escape by carriage (MAKING FINDING THE BOAT, A UNLESS PLOTPOINT!)
But Arrive on SugarPlum Island, they do, But Clara doubts herself when the Toys enter the castle without her
They are scooped up into a cage and carried by Pim the Bat.
Clara is about to give up hope until the fairies bring her to the Mouse King's castle, The remaining Toys revolt, when the Mouse king lights a fire to public burn Eric. Meanwhile Clara frees Eric, Mint and Captain Candy from a Magic 2-way Mirror!
The Nutcracker Reveals himself to be Prince Eric and the Mouse King turns all the Villagers to stone and grows Giant with his magic! When the Mouse King goes to blast Clara with a Shrink Spell, Eric Reflects it with his Shield, Shrinking the mouse king but Damaging the Nutcracker in the blowback.
But True Love's Kiss, Friendship is Magic, God, Jesus and Rock and Roll, BLAH BLAH BLAH! And The Nutcracker turns into a Ken-Doll! Also "Yer A Wizard, Harry!" as Clara was the Sugerplum Fairy after all!
SO LETS WRAP 2019 UP!
Everyone dances but The Mouse king on Pim flies in to steal Clara's pendant and she vanishes from the world, but she wakes up from a dream, until Elizabeth introduces the Real Eric to Clara. So Clara accepts that is was all a dream!
...OR WAS IT? As Eric gives Clara the pendant she just lost in a "Dream". We dance some more, and we return to Barbie and Shelley who is now spurned on to dance at the recital.
THIS FILM IS NOTHING SPECIAL!
As last year's Christmas bust of Nutcracker and the Four Realms proved, not even Disney Magic can make people care about Ballet! So even Pretending to be Disney had a better go in this adaption, which, without slapping Barbie's face onto this film would be forgettable! The 3d has not aged real, and the presentation will not suit everyone. But it's not terrible, it's just....MEH!
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I WILL SEE ALL YOU IN JANUARY!
BE SURE TO Read the first 2020 post on enlightenedtowers.blogspot.ie to find out what the next reviews will be in the new year!
CREDITS
Barbie in the Nutcracker was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from
Barbie In The Nutcracker
Barbie Games by Jontron
Barbie is Property of Mattel Toys
All Rights Reserved
All Media belong to their respective owners
But 2019 was a year of Anniversaries of major franchises!
Rick and Morty turned 5,
Modern Family turned 10,
Family guy turned 20,
Power Rangers turned 25
The Simpsons turned 30
Scooby-doo, 40
The Summer of Love was 50 years ago
And In a New York Toy fair 60 Years ago, Barbie made her debut!
As a Brother of 3 sisters and Uncle to Many Nieces, One constant is no matter how different any two girls are, or how tomboyish or what trend she will follow, a girl will have at least one Barbie in her Natural!
Beloved by some, Mocked by Feminists, Barbie's Existence as a brand for 6 decades has being a strange one, From Being Accused that the doll encourages unhealthy and Unattainable Standards of beauty, to strange alliterations to keep up with the times and yes to keep up with the times Barbie has jumped into other media, Comics, Video games, cartoons and movies such as this but with all constant: They are all fluff for younger girls, the games are the worst offenders being either hand-holdingly simple or Cringe Inducing!
Hell, if want to know how bad the games Are, JonTron did a whole Video On Youtube a few years back!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml8gK3B3daE
So to give the decade the Bum's Rush it deserves, I'm Reviewing something really out of my comfort zone, but in the Spirit of the Season, so let's dig in to Barbie in The Nutcracker
So The cover is not going to blow you away! It's Pink, It's Sparkly, It's Festive! What more do you want Dammit?
Speaking of Handholdingly simple, the Dvd Menu also guides us in how to work the blasted menu! I Press Play and Away we go!
After some Discount Tinkerbells fool around with the Opening Credits, We Cut to A Ballet Studio where Barbie and her kid sister Shelley are Dancing...and oh my god this Animation Quality...Did they not have Motion Capture in 2001?
I say this because we get 2 identically danced Sequence of the same routine...Where it would make sense for the child to stumble and not be able to jump as high as her Adult Sister.
But Shelley does stumble, though it's a plot device! Barbie's sister is worried about stagefright at her recital. So Barbie tells her Practice Makes Perfect, Follow your Heart, Believe in yourself, Heart Of The Cards, BLAH BLAH BLAH!
So to prove her point the film now becomes what it is-a Scene-by-scene Recreation/Disneyfication of The Nutcracker with Barbie as Clara!
So for all you So Called Manly Men Out there, I'll Give you the Shorthand Version. The Nutcracker is Tchaikovsky's Ballet about an Orphaned Girl who is adopted by her Butler Grandfather with her brother Thomas at his master's servant house and to earn their keep, they are made servants. Grandfather Drusselheim is a stern but sensible man, completely polar to his Daughter Elizabeth, A globetrotting Free Spirit who has just returned from China. As her Father gives her a lecture on getting Clara's hopes up with fanciful stories, But Elizabeth asks her father to loosen up.
"Thankfully I bought something from Victorian Era China to help with just that! I Believe the Locals call it...OPIUM?"
That Night Elizabeth gives her niece and nephew with Presents. Thomas with toy soldiers and Clara with a nutcracker. Thomas wants the appliance because it's shaped like a soldier and both siblings fight over it, Thomas accidentally loosening it's arm. Clara Proceeds to use a hair ribbon as a sling for the nutcracker.
Midnight falls, as Clara sleeps on the sofa and as the Clock strikes, Something Magical enters the living room via a mouse hole. The owl in the Clock's woodwork comes to life. Mice Soldiers invade the living room and the Nutcracker comes to life to defend it. Clara hears the noise and is awakened and confused. Maybe Liz DID bring some Opium back from China!
From the Mousehole, The Mouse King arrives and exposists he turned the nutcracker into his current state via Magic. He blasts Clara with a shrink ray when she attacks him.
Outnumbered and Down an Working Arm, Our Heroes Escape.
So the Quest Begins for Clara to return to her size and for the nutcracker to regain it's humanity. They must travel to the Sugarplum Princess's Island in The Sea of Storms in the world Beyond the Mousehole. The owl gives Clara a pendant that will act like The ruby slippers if taken off!
PLOT POINT!
Ending up in an ice cavern, Clara unwittingly steps on a fairy using the 3d model of Shelley. Snow falls and the flakes become fairies who dance With "Shelley" trying to get the most attention. There is a point to this, as the fairies guide the two out of the cavern, and into the Nutcracker's Kingdom of Barthemia. A Bat overhears the Heroes LOUDLY! EXPLAINING! THEIR SECRET! PLAN! (Because we have to rip-off Disney by having annoying talking animals!)
Clara and the Nutcracker arrive at a Gingerbread Village, where the only survivors are two more Shelleys (We are really getting the value from the same 4 models, aren't we?) A horse (to sell to young girls!). They tell the story that Barthemia fell because the Mouse King Rose to Power Because the Former King's son , was the unworthy and useless Prince Eric.
FORESHADOWING ON A STORY TOLD FOR GENERATIONS!
Running from Mice soldiers, they are instead captured by Toy Soldiers, namely the Grenadier Guard and Bengal Swordsman belonging to Thomas and they are called...Major Mint and Captain Candy!
Angry that the army failed, The Mouse king turns a Stone Support column into a Golem and Possibly Causing the collapse of his own castle due to this stupidity!
So Clara and the 3 toys set out on an expedition to The Sea of Storms, whilst searching for a boat, they uncap a well full of forest fairies and after more music from the masterpiece, they revitalize the desert into a forest and they gather food and water!
But Never Mind that Shit! Let's have the golem Ruck up for a scrap like he just came from a Boss Fight from a poorly designed PS1 game, But the fairies freeze the sea and they escape by carriage (MAKING FINDING THE BOAT, A UNLESS PLOTPOINT!)
But Arrive on SugarPlum Island, they do, But Clara doubts herself when the Toys enter the castle without her
They are scooped up into a cage and carried by Pim the Bat.
Clara is about to give up hope until the fairies bring her to the Mouse King's castle, The remaining Toys revolt, when the Mouse king lights a fire to public burn Eric. Meanwhile Clara frees Eric, Mint and Captain Candy from a Magic 2-way Mirror!
The Nutcracker Reveals himself to be Prince Eric and the Mouse King turns all the Villagers to stone and grows Giant with his magic! When the Mouse King goes to blast Clara with a Shrink Spell, Eric Reflects it with his Shield, Shrinking the mouse king but Damaging the Nutcracker in the blowback.
But True Love's Kiss, Friendship is Magic, God, Jesus and Rock and Roll, BLAH BLAH BLAH! And The Nutcracker turns into a Ken-Doll! Also "Yer A Wizard, Harry!" as Clara was the Sugerplum Fairy after all!
SO LETS WRAP 2019 UP!
Everyone dances but The Mouse king on Pim flies in to steal Clara's pendant and she vanishes from the world, but she wakes up from a dream, until Elizabeth introduces the Real Eric to Clara. So Clara accepts that is was all a dream!
...OR WAS IT? As Eric gives Clara the pendant she just lost in a "Dream". We dance some more, and we return to Barbie and Shelley who is now spurned on to dance at the recital.
THIS FILM IS NOTHING SPECIAL!
As last year's Christmas bust of Nutcracker and the Four Realms proved, not even Disney Magic can make people care about Ballet! So even Pretending to be Disney had a better go in this adaption, which, without slapping Barbie's face onto this film would be forgettable! The 3d has not aged real, and the presentation will not suit everyone. But it's not terrible, it's just....MEH!
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I WILL SEE ALL YOU IN JANUARY!
BE SURE TO Read the first 2020 post on enlightenedtowers.blogspot.ie to find out what the next reviews will be in the new year!
CREDITS
Barbie in the Nutcracker was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited By Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Media from
Barbie In The Nutcracker
Barbie Games by Jontron
Barbie is Property of Mattel Toys
All Rights Reserved
All Media belong to their respective owners
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