(Part 1 can be found under the name Episode 148 Eamonn reviews truth or Dare? I may review bad films but even I have standards!)
PREVIOUSLY ON GROWN UPS 2...
Lenny's (Adam Sandler) dream of living it up back in the town he grew up in hit a snag when his daughter invited a deer to play with her, and it ended up pissing on Lenny, Curtis (Chris Rock) got Lenny's permission to use his house as the venue of a 80's party as the 1st day of summer arrives. Scumbag Typecast fathered a bulking 13 thug who has come to stay, and Fat man who falls down for a living, Falls down a Lot!
Buying Supplies for the party and Leaving Nick (Nick "Replacement Schiender" Swardson) in The Bedding display of the supermarket, the boys come across 2 more of the Busboys, Malcolm (the Only other black man in Fernando) and Cross-Eye in the outdoor department. Turns out Malcolm's son, Bumpty, is going to ask out Curtis' daughter Charlotte, something that makes Curtis Assault Malcolm.
Marcus Higgins (David "Scumbag Typecast" Spade) is buying a knife to protect himself from his son! Lenny asks Higgins to at least try to talk to Braden, Higgins and Cross-Eye gets onto Lenny for being a coward and letting a bully called Tommy Kavanaugh get away with tormenting him for so long, with Lenny stating her would take Tommy if he saw him again! Nick still high from pills crawls out of the bedding department and onto a toilet in the Bathroom department of a crowded supermarket, WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS NEXT?
Braden has enrolled in the same class as Lenny's son Greg and Curtis Jnr! True to his word Bumpty, the second coming of Urkel, has asked Charlotte on a date.
Back in the parking lot, Levinshaw teaches the boys how to "Burp-Snart"- Burp, Sneeze and Fart at the same time-this is a plot Point, it is something that Lenny is actually Jealous of Not being able to do, some Cops, one of them Shaquelle O'Neill, goes to arrest Nick and Curtis for what they did in the supermarket, but Shaq is Malcolm's brother, so he probably deserves it! It turns out Lenny is late for his daughter Ballet Recital, turns out all the Men get all excited and the cops give every man in town a full sirened Police Escort to get to the recital and we all learn why every man in Fernado, including those without children have invited themselves to the recital.
Yep to perve on A Russian's Bolshevik Be-Donkey Donks!
Ok, IS THIS A FILM, OH JUST A TELEVISED GAME OF ADLIBS? BECAUSE ALL YOU SEEM TO BE DOING IT TACKING ON SEPARATE THINGS WITHOUT ANY REAL PLOT?
Turns out the Ballet Teacher is married to Tommy Kavanaugh (Steve Austin) Kenny's old bully who's presence gives Lenny PTSD! Tommy says he over heard Lenny in the supermarket today talking all that shit about being able to "take him", and if he is just holding onto the past just like Kelly, Then that's just sad!
Speaking Of Kelly, the leader of the Busboys in the last film, he is still a busboy and still bitter. In fact the only satisfaction he gets is that Greg starts in the Restaurant Tonight and he gets to enjoy bossing him around, he then fixes an icecream machine filled with chocolate icecream that makes look like he is having a shit!
It's the last day of school and Braden, Greg And Curtis Jnr. Invade a College Party in a Lake in a quarry! At the same time, the dads go to the lake to dive off a cliff, and are accosted by what we have to accept as this film villains, a bunch of Frat-Boys led By Taylor Lautner. After losing an insult battle, the boys have to dive Naked.... BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
Braden sees the whole thing, and vandalizes their Frathouse, and implicates his father and his friends.
To Help his bullied Son Kenny, Lenny teaches him to play Football, of course the lesson is supposed to be doing something productive instead of fighting But we all know it's going to end with a Kick to The Junk Because Sandler Film!
However Kenny is a Natural and it's not long before the entire team and coaching staff takes notice....Until Lenny trips and gets Kicked in the nuts and falls on Kenny and breaks his leg!
Told you! Only because he hadn't had a Groin Attack "Joke" Yet!
Braden is released back into Higgin's Custody, Sally finds out Eric has being spending more time with his mother than her, and Kenny has his leg plastered!
Curtis, who is a cable guy has being avoiding his hated mother-In-Law, who needs her cable fixed. we learned in the last film Curtis is a house-Husband and Grammy hates "Sissy-men", But it's Curtis who has the final say in whether the family puts her in a home or not!
Doesn't give him the right to mess to her, but mess with her he does!
Sally finds out Eric has being spending time with his mother, and it's because Sally made Eyes at her Yoga Instructor. When he learns he's gay and Sally and Eric Agrees that Looking is not Cheating. Sally Drives her Car into a Cheerleader's Bikini Carwash....Except the Car is being washed by MALE! Cheerleaders!
See? Like I said, you just can't be gay in A Sandler Film. You have to something demeaning on screen to PROVE! you're Gay!
So all the characters families are have dinner at the same time discussing the Disco and it is 80's themed, all the minor storylines are coming together, Mr's Reilly is told to move on from Lenny by Roxanne, Greg asks out the girls he crushes on!, Bumpty and Charlotte hit it off over a love of Music but Charlotte is to shy to Perform in public. Roxanne is Pregnant, Higgins gets back with Muscles. Nick reveals he is gay in front of Kyle. Bean turns out to be Musically Gifted to make up for the fact he's stupid (And it also means some Managerial type is going to take advantage of a talented illiterate years down the line!) , And Lenny misses a J. Giels Band Concert, because his tired Daughter wouldn't drink a whole Bottle of Nyquil so he can leave!
BINGO! WE HAVE A BINGO! ASSHOLE PARENTING GAVE ME SANDLER FILM CLICHE BINGO!
Greg trips over a wire, shutting down the band, Charlotte still singing along without realizing until the crowd cheers. With Kenny Unable to defend himself, Lenny and Tommy have a fight, But Tommy is sorry about all the bullying he did as a kid so throws the fight and leaves....And they could have used a Guy like Tommy, Because here comes the frat boys and they are armed!
NOW TO FLUSH THIS TURD!
With Charlotte and J Giels as Musical compliment, The costumed Townies fight with the fratboys until Lautner steals Lenny's daughter's Teddy, Until the deer appears from nowhere and bites Taylor Lautner in the balls, with their leader down the frat boys flee, Roxanne kicks Mrs Rielly for trying to give Lenny the kiss of life! Lenny and Kelly bury the hatchet and the film ends with Lenny apologizing to Roxanne about over-reacting to being a father again, speaking to unborn baby....and then Sandler Burp-Snarts, Because we have to ruin every nice moment, BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
WE ALL KNOW THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURNS EXIST IN SEQUELS, BUT EVEN THEN, THIS FILM SUCKS MORE THAN THE 1ST!
First things first, let's do what seems Impossible and find some positives from this film.
It look 2 films but they finally put names to the wives and children, we no longer had Rob Schiender using his Man-Bitch Status to get work on a Daddy Sandler Film!
Unfortunately, Calling this a "Film" would imply a coherant Story, Something this Shit wrapped in Celluloid clearly Isn't! Though any film that begins with Deer Piss and ends with "Burp Snarting" and has 1 hour and 39 minutes between both events is vomit-inducing!
CREDITS
Grown Ups 2 was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Music and Content from
IN PART 1:
Bulk and Skull's theme by Ron Wasserman
Grown ups
And Part 2:
Grown ups 2
Grown Ups
All Media used Belong to their Respective Owners. All Rights Reserved!
"And what was that? You let a dangerous film out to be reviewed by god knows who!"
-Look I have important things to do! i have a date with a girl from Earth 33. You know that the girls from that Earth have Tails? The things they can do with...
-Why are acting like this? You would never be this crass and reckless! Is it this Arm? This Arm that not Yours, When you Punched Ed(Oracle tried to stifle the programming that made her refer to Eighties Lad as her Master)-My Master when he was possessed by the Cosmic Entity Of Rage, did some of it Pour into You? Because have not being yourself ever since your fight with-
-"Edwin?" I said, Oracle's looking over shoulder
"Hello, Enlightened!"
Edwin, Please stop this! If you are responsible for the portals or the kidnappings in the forest zone, Please, Come back to us!
Responsible? You are one to talk, dude! If it wasn't for you, we would not be in constant danger, everytime you disliked a video! We cannot afford to pick and choose Our Battles anymore, that's why I Killed Rage!
You Didn't just kill Rage! You killed all the Cosmic Entities! The forge of Creation exploded and created Heavenscar to block the rip in reality!
I have a little shocking swerve for you, brau, I didn't cause the rips! You are! You Mind is telling that this floating city shouldn't exist! and I didn't kidnap any people in the forest zones from Earth 5....
BUT I KNOW WHO DID!
(Edwin pressed a button on his belt buckle and teleported away! Around Eamonn, Yusef and Oracle, strange creatures teleported from nowhere. They looked like Apes but hairless with mottled Green and Brown skin, Long arms started on broad shoulders and ended with scythe like claws. Their legs were just as stacked, with feet like an apes. Their heads looked Humanoid But the Eyes were covered by Repulsive looking tumours, that ended with a nose like a tapir that twitched constantly in the air. Despite being naked from the back, Mud and leaves clung unto Genitals and in the case of females, grass wrapped around breasts! One creature roared at our heroes, Sharp teeth greeted them!)
TO BE CONTINUED....
NEXT MONTH!
It's Post Halloween, Pre-Christmastime, meaning i can shove a macabre themed Toy franchise at your faces! It's a sequel to last years Xmas Special: Monster High: Electrified!
PREVIOUSLY ON GROWN UPS 2...
Lenny's (Adam Sandler) dream of living it up back in the town he grew up in hit a snag when his daughter invited a deer to play with her, and it ended up pissing on Lenny, Curtis (Chris Rock) got Lenny's permission to use his house as the venue of a 80's party as the 1st day of summer arrives. Scumbag Typecast fathered a bulking 13 thug who has come to stay, and Fat man who falls down for a living, Falls down a Lot!
Buying Supplies for the party and Leaving Nick (Nick "Replacement Schiender" Swardson) in The Bedding display of the supermarket, the boys come across 2 more of the Busboys, Malcolm (the Only other black man in Fernando) and Cross-Eye in the outdoor department. Turns out Malcolm's son, Bumpty, is going to ask out Curtis' daughter Charlotte, something that makes Curtis Assault Malcolm.
Marcus Higgins (David "Scumbag Typecast" Spade) is buying a knife to protect himself from his son! Lenny asks Higgins to at least try to talk to Braden, Higgins and Cross-Eye gets onto Lenny for being a coward and letting a bully called Tommy Kavanaugh get away with tormenting him for so long, with Lenny stating her would take Tommy if he saw him again! Nick still high from pills crawls out of the bedding department and onto a toilet in the Bathroom department of a crowded supermarket, WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS NEXT?
Braden has enrolled in the same class as Lenny's son Greg and Curtis Jnr! True to his word Bumpty, the second coming of Urkel, has asked Charlotte on a date.
Back in the parking lot, Levinshaw teaches the boys how to "Burp-Snart"- Burp, Sneeze and Fart at the same time-this is a plot Point, it is something that Lenny is actually Jealous of Not being able to do, some Cops, one of them Shaquelle O'Neill, goes to arrest Nick and Curtis for what they did in the supermarket, but Shaq is Malcolm's brother, so he probably deserves it! It turns out Lenny is late for his daughter Ballet Recital, turns out all the Men get all excited and the cops give every man in town a full sirened Police Escort to get to the recital and we all learn why every man in Fernado, including those without children have invited themselves to the recital.
Yep to perve on A Russian's Bolshevik Be-Donkey Donks!
Ok, IS THIS A FILM, OH JUST A TELEVISED GAME OF ADLIBS? BECAUSE ALL YOU SEEM TO BE DOING IT TACKING ON SEPARATE THINGS WITHOUT ANY REAL PLOT?
Turns out the Ballet Teacher is married to Tommy Kavanaugh (Steve Austin) Kenny's old bully who's presence gives Lenny PTSD! Tommy says he over heard Lenny in the supermarket today talking all that shit about being able to "take him", and if he is just holding onto the past just like Kelly, Then that's just sad!
Speaking Of Kelly, the leader of the Busboys in the last film, he is still a busboy and still bitter. In fact the only satisfaction he gets is that Greg starts in the Restaurant Tonight and he gets to enjoy bossing him around, he then fixes an icecream machine filled with chocolate icecream that makes look like he is having a shit!
It's the last day of school and Braden, Greg And Curtis Jnr. Invade a College Party in a Lake in a quarry! At the same time, the dads go to the lake to dive off a cliff, and are accosted by what we have to accept as this film villains, a bunch of Frat-Boys led By Taylor Lautner. After losing an insult battle, the boys have to dive Naked.... BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
Braden sees the whole thing, and vandalizes their Frathouse, and implicates his father and his friends.
To Help his bullied Son Kenny, Lenny teaches him to play Football, of course the lesson is supposed to be doing something productive instead of fighting But we all know it's going to end with a Kick to The Junk Because Sandler Film!
However Kenny is a Natural and it's not long before the entire team and coaching staff takes notice....Until Lenny trips and gets Kicked in the nuts and falls on Kenny and breaks his leg!
Told you! Only because he hadn't had a Groin Attack "Joke" Yet!
Braden is released back into Higgin's Custody, Sally finds out Eric has being spending more time with his mother than her, and Kenny has his leg plastered!
Curtis, who is a cable guy has being avoiding his hated mother-In-Law, who needs her cable fixed. we learned in the last film Curtis is a house-Husband and Grammy hates "Sissy-men", But it's Curtis who has the final say in whether the family puts her in a home or not!
Doesn't give him the right to mess to her, but mess with her he does!
Sally finds out Eric has being spending time with his mother, and it's because Sally made Eyes at her Yoga Instructor. When he learns he's gay and Sally and Eric Agrees that Looking is not Cheating. Sally Drives her Car into a Cheerleader's Bikini Carwash....Except the Car is being washed by MALE! Cheerleaders!
See? Like I said, you just can't be gay in A Sandler Film. You have to something demeaning on screen to PROVE! you're Gay!
So all the characters families are have dinner at the same time discussing the Disco and it is 80's themed, all the minor storylines are coming together, Mr's Reilly is told to move on from Lenny by Roxanne, Greg asks out the girls he crushes on!, Bumpty and Charlotte hit it off over a love of Music but Charlotte is to shy to Perform in public. Roxanne is Pregnant, Higgins gets back with Muscles. Nick reveals he is gay in front of Kyle. Bean turns out to be Musically Gifted to make up for the fact he's stupid (And it also means some Managerial type is going to take advantage of a talented illiterate years down the line!) , And Lenny misses a J. Giels Band Concert, because his tired Daughter wouldn't drink a whole Bottle of Nyquil so he can leave!
BINGO! WE HAVE A BINGO! ASSHOLE PARENTING GAVE ME SANDLER FILM CLICHE BINGO!
Greg trips over a wire, shutting down the band, Charlotte still singing along without realizing until the crowd cheers. With Kenny Unable to defend himself, Lenny and Tommy have a fight, But Tommy is sorry about all the bullying he did as a kid so throws the fight and leaves....And they could have used a Guy like Tommy, Because here comes the frat boys and they are armed!
NOW TO FLUSH THIS TURD!
With Charlotte and J Giels as Musical compliment, The costumed Townies fight with the fratboys until Lautner steals Lenny's daughter's Teddy, Until the deer appears from nowhere and bites Taylor Lautner in the balls, with their leader down the frat boys flee, Roxanne kicks Mrs Rielly for trying to give Lenny the kiss of life! Lenny and Kelly bury the hatchet and the film ends with Lenny apologizing to Roxanne about over-reacting to being a father again, speaking to unborn baby....and then Sandler Burp-Snarts, Because we have to ruin every nice moment, BECAUSE SANDLER FILM!
WE ALL KNOW THE LAW OF DIMINISHING RETURNS EXIST IN SEQUELS, BUT EVEN THEN, THIS FILM SUCKS MORE THAN THE 1ST!
First things first, let's do what seems Impossible and find some positives from this film.
It look 2 films but they finally put names to the wives and children, we no longer had Rob Schiender using his Man-Bitch Status to get work on a Daddy Sandler Film!
Unfortunately, Calling this a "Film" would imply a coherant Story, Something this Shit wrapped in Celluloid clearly Isn't! Though any film that begins with Deer Piss and ends with "Burp Snarting" and has 1 hour and 39 minutes between both events is vomit-inducing!
CREDITS
Grown Ups 2 was Reviewed, Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (@RealEnli)
With Music and Content from
IN PART 1:
Bulk and Skull's theme by Ron Wasserman
Grown ups
And Part 2:
Grown ups 2
Grown Ups
All Media used Belong to their Respective Owners. All Rights Reserved!
"And what was that? You let a dangerous film out to be reviewed by god knows who!"
-Look I have important things to do! i have a date with a girl from Earth 33. You know that the girls from that Earth have Tails? The things they can do with...
-Why are acting like this? You would never be this crass and reckless! Is it this Arm? This Arm that not Yours, When you Punched Ed(Oracle tried to stifle the programming that made her refer to Eighties Lad as her Master)-My Master when he was possessed by the Cosmic Entity Of Rage, did some of it Pour into You? Because have not being yourself ever since your fight with-
-"Edwin?" I said, Oracle's looking over shoulder
"Hello, Enlightened!"
Edwin, Please stop this! If you are responsible for the portals or the kidnappings in the forest zone, Please, Come back to us!
Responsible? You are one to talk, dude! If it wasn't for you, we would not be in constant danger, everytime you disliked a video! We cannot afford to pick and choose Our Battles anymore, that's why I Killed Rage!
You Didn't just kill Rage! You killed all the Cosmic Entities! The forge of Creation exploded and created Heavenscar to block the rip in reality!
I have a little shocking swerve for you, brau, I didn't cause the rips! You are! You Mind is telling that this floating city shouldn't exist! and I didn't kidnap any people in the forest zones from Earth 5....
BUT I KNOW WHO DID!
(Edwin pressed a button on his belt buckle and teleported away! Around Eamonn, Yusef and Oracle, strange creatures teleported from nowhere. They looked like Apes but hairless with mottled Green and Brown skin, Long arms started on broad shoulders and ended with scythe like claws. Their legs were just as stacked, with feet like an apes. Their heads looked Humanoid But the Eyes were covered by Repulsive looking tumours, that ended with a nose like a tapir that twitched constantly in the air. Despite being naked from the back, Mud and leaves clung unto Genitals and in the case of females, grass wrapped around breasts! One creature roared at our heroes, Sharp teeth greeted them!)
TO BE CONTINUED....
NEXT MONTH!
It's Post Halloween, Pre-Christmastime, meaning i can shove a macabre themed Toy franchise at your faces! It's a sequel to last years Xmas Special: Monster High: Electrified!
