EPISODE 134: HALLOWEEN SPECIAL RAIDERS OF THE LOST SHARK!

(The fiery apparition floated still in the garden, laughing and looking coy, the heat and flames dissapated and revealed more of a shape of a little girl in a sundress and her hair in pigtails.
SEE YOU SOOOOO-OOON! I WANT TO PLAY! I WANNA PLAY HIDE AND SEEK BUT I THINK IT WILL TURN INTO A GAME OF COPS N ROBBERS! HHEHEHEHEHEHEHE (...before igniting and streaking away!)

AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
(There is no good songs on the soundtrack of this film, so Instead check out this song by my Twitter friend, Boogs Malone, this is Fugazi, and you call follow him in the links given in this video!)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaN5QpowubU

IT'S BARREL SCRAPING SEASON AGAIN IN OCTOBER! As once more we have the worst Horror and Sci the Genre has to offer! This year the Shark film gets scrunitised, but it's not Sharknado, it's not Ghost Shark it's this! Raiders of the Lost SHARK~! This film is so low on the radar but JUST LOOK AT THAT COVER!


THIS IS GONNA BE BAD, OR STUPID, OR A BIT OF BOTH~!

WE GET A "SIKE, WE LIED!" Fake Disclaimer saying that this is a true story!, If that was the tip of the spear of what counts as humour in this film, you would be BEGGING for a film with Ricky Gervais in it!

We open this years Amateur Hour (SERIOUSLY! A) The film is only an hour and 7 minutes long, and B) it looks like it's being shot on an iPhone)

Anyway, Two Inept Guards are Guarding an Empty Lake when one Guard who had driven to replace the other has also bought a pair of Stupid Sexy Teens to Make Out with the Guards!

AAAAAAANNNNNNDDDD FIVE MINUTES LATER ONE GUARD AND ONE TEEN ARE EATEN BY THE SHARK CLIP ART!

QUESTION!
If a lake is being guarded by a Security Company, Then Maybe they should have being told WHY IT'S BEING GUARDED! 2! WHY IS A GREAT WHITE IN A FRESH WATER LAKE? OK SALT-LAKES ARE REAL, ONLY UNCOMMON, BUT UNLESS I AM TOLD OTHERWISE, I AM ASSUMING THIS IS A FRESH WATER LAKE!

After Opening Credits, We Cut to a classroom of Four, being taught about Megalodon by a teacher clearly 5 years old than her students! When Miss Reynolds is Questioned about her theroy that Megalodon is not extinct, we see a flashback of what i assume is a sister eaten before her eyes, as a mysterious woman looks on! Meanwhile at the Lake, Inept Guard #2 and Stupid Sexy Teen #2 are also eaten

3 of the Classmates May, a nerd stereotype, Steve, a jock Stereotype, and Kimberly, a Bimbo Stereotype exposist that Miss Reynolds is the only survivor of an incident on nearby Murphy's Island, So the 3 friends decide to go to the Scary lake, because they are bored!

At said Scary Lake, 2 Compentant Guards find their Colleagues clothes ,and call their boss the same woman Noseying in the school, She yells at them to collect the evidence, destroy it, and to get a sample for the lad technicians. One of them sees a body flailing, and goes to collect it (must have being a real stroke of luck that today of all days, you decided to wear a bikini under that uniform, huh?) giving that Compentant Guards in Bad Horror Films call only die in Heroic Sacrifices or  doing their job, When the Guard realises that a body was manipulated as bait for a trap, it is too late!

At school, the Mysterious woman, Jen has asked Prof.Reynolds to come to the Island, Reynolds blurts out that she has not told anyone about what happened Years ago. We cut to our other bad Horror Film Trope-The Ineffectual Sherrif-Despite Canada having Captains and not Sherrifs-Wait, this Shark film is set in Canada?

So not only is it a freshwater Shark but a Cold-Blooded, yet Cold-Resistant Shark? The "Sherrif" goes back to sleep as his stoogey Brother in law deputy covers for him?

At a Real Restaurant, Jen Exposists over the sound of real work being done, That her Evil Oil Company of Evil, Drilled through a see cave and Released a Megaladon, they also conducted some experiments on it, though i would imagine why an oil company would mutate an already giant shark. How hectic is the energy market? The class hired a ship, manned by the unhinged Captain Strupid (Played by Not-Michael Dorn!)

More Stupid People are Eaten, This time Tourists who checked the lake on Trip Advisor.....
.....

NO!
THIS FILM IS TOO STUPID TO GO ON WITHOUT ME NOT STATING THE OVIVOUS IN THAT SENTENCE!
THERE ARE TOURISTS!
GOING TO A LAKE THAT IS GUARDED BY A PRIVATE SECURITY COMPANY!
WHERE PEOPLE DIED!
AND THOSE DEATHS ARE PUBLICLY DOCUMENTED!
BUT SOMEHOW TRIP ADVISIOR HAS RECOMMENDED THIS LAKE AND NOT BOUGHT UP ANYTHING I JUST SAID!
....YOU. MAY. PROCEED!

Strupid, May, Steve and Kim are on their way to the island. In Jen's Office, Reynolds says that loud noises may work on the shark. but is shocked to see her students sailing on the security cams. The students Investigation quickly becomes a bunch of Stupid Sexy Teens having a boat ride, as they have changed into bathing suits, though May has kept her glassses and her shorts on meaning she may still survive.

More stupid people die as now the Shark Clip-Art CAN NOW FLY! but the black person in a horror film didn't die, so...PROGRESS?

Jen give a small plane to Reynolds to fly to Murphy's Island. The shark attacks the boat, and Captain Strupid, turns out to be a captain stupid dies by getting his head ripped off by putting it in the lake to check for sharks! An Unconvincing, overly Professional looking set of dives have put the students in the water, Kimberly is the next victim, followed by steve after May calls Reynolds and mishears advice. May survives since she wasn't dressed as a skank. Swimming to the shore, May starts fleeing (ok, more like Casually walking inland, where she Uncovers Dr Howell, A Mad Scientist that experimented on the shark. Jen, Dr Reynolds, Captain Sherriff and the Deputy arrive on Murphy's Island.

So Lets Finish this!
The Flying Shark Destroys the Plane, Jen offers Dr Howell, who is her ex-husband, his job back at Evilco. But they are eaten Next. May cuts herself to draw out the creature and Reynolds throws a Charge of Dynamite into the creature, the explosion of guts covers the Hapless Deputy for grins!

THIS FILM SUCKS!
Sharknado may have an Xfaxtor to why it's successful, But this film is just Baaaaaaaddddd!, for the reasons i just stated and explaining it again would be exhausting!

CREDITS
Raiders of the Lost Shark was Reviewed Compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham (RealEnli)
With media from:
Raiders of the Lost Shark
"Fugazi" by Boogs Malone

Raiders of the Lost Shark was Distributed by Kalidescope Films. All Rights Reserved.
All Media belong to their Respective Owners!

NEXT MONTH!
Technically, the Xmas Episode is episode 135, but if you haven't seen it already, I have started a restrospective on one of the most famous and contreversal cartoons ever made...Code Lyoko!

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST, NOW: EPISODES 1-2: BOOT UP

So we return 2 years before the origin episodes to the Canonically 1st episode of this show-Teddy Godzilla. We are introduced to 2 new characters, Milly and Tamiya, two seven year old Junior Reporters for the school paper. It's the night of the prom and Sissy is up to be crowd queen once again, trying to get an interview, Sissi instead jeers the young Milly, calling her "a little baby" with noone to go out with, when she asks out Ulrich and he politely Declines, it sends Sissi into a laughing fit! Millie runs off hiding in a shed with her teddy, confiding in the toy all the feelings of revenge she has right now...

Iknow we are in France, but if this was Paris and not Burgundy, that teddy bear would be possesed by liquid shadow right now, WAIT A MINUTE!

"TEDDYGODZILLA, I am Hawk Moth! Bring me Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculouses!

```

Minutes Later, Sissy is her dorm, and her underwear (14 years old!) when she is attacked from behind in a scene straight out of a 16 certificate movie! The attack is serious enough for Mr Delmas to investigate and both the Junior Reporters and the Lyoko Warriors do their own snooping!

Millie returns to the shed to see her bear is gone, turning to see Jim who gives out to her and Tamiya, When Millie calls him out on the patronizing and double standards at KADIC, Jim grounds them from the prom. Only for the Bear Now a Storey High, to whoop Jim so hard he ends up in the infirmary. Odd meets Millie and looks for her bear, after Photos Tamiya takes shows it under Sissi's pillow, But finds it gone when he turns up. Jim Tells Delmas a bear attacked him but doesn't believe him. With Yumi at home and at least one Lyoko warrior should stay behind to protect people, Odd is sent to Lyoko to the 1st mission in the Desert Zone...and it is ugly! shapeless mounds of sand, craggy rocks connected by coiling wires and an orange film tint to like harsh sunlight!

Running from Kankerlauts into a Quarry, we see Odd's Special Ability, he can see the future, called Future Flash and it's not pretty, actually it's Aelita's Shtick for 3 seasons: falling from great heights. But Odd prevents it when it happens, finding a secret tunnel to a hidden Red Tower, Guarded by "Old Friend", but this is the 1st time we see what was at this time XANA's heaviest hitter, the Megatank, A building size Bowling ball that houses an Electromagnetic Pulse held together by Organic Sinews, creations like these will give way to more cyberorganic creatures later on

Anyway Aelita enters the tower, enters the code lyoko and jeremie activates the Return to Past program to hours ago, this time Ulrich says yes to Milly asking him out and that's a wrap for this episode, But not before i use this joke!

"YOUR MOTHER PLAYS CARD GAMES IN HELL!"

Episode 2-Seeing is Believing-is a filler episode that focuses on Odd and what will become is major personality trait: his flirting. At the same time, it's revealed that the school has it's own Nuclear Power Plant (for reasons like the tunnels to the factory on campus, that will become clear in time!) becomes the target of Xana's attack this time, meanwhile, odd holds auditions for his bands new drummer, refusing Nicalous just because he hangs with Sissi, in favour of a hot girl. He learns his lesson after the Deus Ex Machina, but not before we see Ulrich's power to Triplicate for the 1st time, and so we return to the concert about a song about Aelita.

Must agree with The Squidgy and the short-lived Code Lyoko Abridged, they should have played this song!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVptAbUa5Js

And there we Log off!

Join me next time when the Lyoko Warriors fight my greatest Enemy...THE BANK HOLIDAY! And in episode 4, Sissi tries to win the Heart of Ulrich in the most romantic way possible...BLACKMAIL!

WHEN WE RETURN TO THE PAST!

NOW!

CODE LYOKO: RETURN TO THE PAST NOW!-ORIGIN EPISODES: FAST FORWARD TO REWIND!

I'm taking a break from Wrestling and film reviews for a while (Don't worry, all my reviews I mentioned on my winter schedule will still happen)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAxL1lKT7mA

I love cartoons and I think the cartoons that came after the 90s were better than them, and I grew up in the 90s! So when the early 00s had it's Anime Boom! this the very first and still few Western Anime Started.

For as long as it takes...we will peer into one of the most beautiful, dramatic, controversial cartoons, one that pulled no punches, but never drew a dime, But is loved to this day, Code: Lyoko

Code Lyoko was a French Cartoon running from 2003 to 2006 with 95 episodes (not including todays origin episodes! The eponymous world of Lyoko is Terrorized by a virus called X.A.N.A. and it's up to a group of kids to save the day, ferry a good AI, and uncover the mysteries of this world and it's existance.

The Origin Story is NOT! the first episode! For reasons that French Cartoonists do the whole time, we are plunged into the story headon without an idea what is going on! And this episode was televised at the end of season 2! I thought about doing the same, but as Linkara said on his series about his favourite show "WE WILL NOT HONOUR STUPIDITY HERE!"
 
The Origin Story. Xana Awakens, Part 1, starts with the 1st post of the vlog of Jemerie Belpois, a young man with a talent for Robotics. Starting his journal in the 2d "real world" on 7th of October (known as Lief Errikson Day!-PLOT POINT!) Looking for spare parts on campus of his boarding school, KADIC Acedemy (yes that is a reference to Phillip K Dick!) one day, Jeremie finds a secret tunnel that leads him to an abandoned factory, inside said is a huge interface which Jeremie can't help but activate~
"I'm sure I'll regret this!"
-It's not like you are going to release a Humanity Hating Cyber Terrorist that will try to kill you in Voilent ways for the next 3 years, each attempt more deadly than the last! OH WAIT!-

Activating the Super-Calulator, Jeremie comes in contact with an AI with no Memories, this Program drawn in 3d resembles a girl with pink hair, elven ears wearing an off white body suit and a kimono-inspired top and skirt.
 
The Next day we meet some of the other cast. Jeremie's Dorm Mates, Ulrich Stern and his new room-mate, Odd Dela Robbia

ULRICH

HOW ODD LOOKED IN THE ORIGIN EPISODE

ODD? YOU HAD 9 MONTHS, ET CETERA,  ET CETERA!

Ulrich is not impressed with this new roommate and his day is further ruined by the arrivial of The Principal's Daughter,  Sissy Delmas
 
Sissy is the Alpha-Bitch Cheerleader who will as a secodary villian, one who will get in the way of the Lyoko Warriors all so Ulrich will go out with her. She is forever flanked by 2 hench-bullies, Nicalous, a 'MURICIAN With a "DUH-DUH!" Voice and a white Trash Mullet, and Herve, a nerd who dresses more like a middle aged man than Jeremie!

Returning to the Factory, Jeremie discovers that the A.I, whom he calls "Maya" is part of a virtual world called Lyoko, Maya ventures out of a tower Into the 3d portion of our episode and into the Forest Zone, a series of Grassy Plateaus help up above a Digital Sea by a sphere of Wirey trees.
 
Maya finds she is not alone and is attacked by Kankerlauts,  Mechanical Drones that fire lasers at her.
 
 Retreating back, Jeremie exposists returning to the tower meant her "Life Points" return but in her haste she falls off the edge and out of a tower in a different zone, The Ice Zone, a Glacial flatland on the Digitail sea instead of floating over it that's stuck in a permanent twillight.
 
Maya is attacked by a new enemy-Bloks, an upgrade on the Kankerlaut with a block body, interchanging ammo and for some reason, udders!
 
Maya hides in a hole where she finds out that anything that touches the water is instantly destroyed.

PLOT POINT!

Back in 2D, Ulrich takes A Penchak Silat (Indonesian Martial Arts) night class, held by Gym Teacher/Janitor/Groundskeeper/Comic Relief, Jim Morales. Jim's sthick is that he has had many jobs that have not ended very well for him and to most he would "RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT!" The only other student is a Japanese girl called Yumi Ishiyama,
 
 one fight later and the two teens fall for each other, in what will become a arc for the two. Ulrich returns and finds that Odd has smuggled a dog into his room and it has torn up school books and done a off camera shit in Ulrich's bed! Jeremie has his own Problems, as something bearing the mark off the monsters on Lyoko have possessed his robots to attack Until Stern saves him, Jeremie tells him everything including finding what he beleives are scanners, all he needs is a guinea pig. Ulrich has one in mind and Dognaps Odd's Dog Kiwi

Odd looking for Kiwi, is joined by Sissi, who think she has being stood up by Ulrich on a Non-existent date, follows the others to the factory. Putting the dog in a scanner. Finding Kiwi, the dog jumps out of the scanner as the doors close and Odd is Virtualised into 3D, As a spikey haired cat boy with a purple cat-suit and a logo of a pissing Kiwi!




Ulrich joins next and his form is a samurai, Odd complaining that his form looks stupid accidently shoots a arrow from his cat gloves. But with no idea what they are doing, and X.A.N.A possessing the wires to bind Jeremie from helping. Sissi is no help, Citeing that Cheerleader is more important. when Odd and Ulrich lose all their "Life Points" they return to the 2d world and free Jeremie Part one ends with the 3 lads shaken.


Part 2 starts with Jeremie Programming a XANA warning system on his own computer so he can communicate with Maya, Odd has now decided to spike his hair like his 3D model (though the Purple patch is never explained!) Sissi's Important Cheerleading Trail ends with her kicked off her own team. Angry she is attacked by a ball of Electricity! Ulrich Finds Yumi and Challenges her to rematch, eventually leading the Japanese Girl to be caught in the middle of an Attack. Yumi becomes the 3rd and final Lyoko Warrior

Yumi's 3D Form is that of a Geisha that can throw Impi, Serrated fans. she joins the boys in their first mission in the Mountain Zone, A maze of floating Bonzai trees and Zen Gardens,

 It's here we meet another Monster, Hornets an Irritating, flying foe if Odd is indisposed early to be sure!

Maya teleports her new Bodyguards to the Ice Zone where her role is no clear now clear, if Xana is a virus, she is an anti-virus! and must deactivate a tower when it glows red, This Red Tower and all of Lyoko's 4 zones have many, act as a conduit for Xana to attack the real world! Sissy comes to and Blurts out everything to her father.


A new enemy is unleashed Giant Enemy Krabbes

QUICK! ATTACK IT'S WEAKPOINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!


Despite now having a handle on their powers and weapons, the Krabbes are powerhouses that dispatch Odd and Ulrich, Maya can now be destroyed, ever! because she doesn't have a human body, if her life points reach 0, she is permanently erased! so she reveals she has a power too, by singing a sustained note, she can rewrite code and create walls in the environment she is in! Entering the tower Maya uses the interface to deactivate it, killing the ball of electricity and learning her real name is Aelita, (Yes it is reference to the Tolstoy book about a lonely scientist who falls in love with a woman from another world, how poetic!) When she turns on her friends and brings her father and Jim to force Jeremie to shut the Super Calculator Down, the boy Genius reveals a secret weapon.


 A Nuclear Attack!
 
I'M KIDDING!
It's a Deus Ex Machina called Return To the Past, That returns the Virtualised Children to hours ago, with their memories intact. Jeremie has to be de-Briefed on his own missions for a time. And so these 4 Fire-forged friends have become the world's most unlikely Protectors..or 3 rubes that Jeremie has convinced to protect his Made up Waifu, YOU DECIDE!


Join me soon as we start the show, proper, 2 episodes at a time!
See you next time when we...
RETURN TO THE PAST


NOW!