Welcome those who revel in Darkness, for this is the month where the worst of Horror, sci-fi and fantasy come out from under the floorboards.
Or would, the last 4 times we had a Halloween special!
This year our Halloween Stash is the celluloid equivalent of Kettle Crisps, Cadbury Banana Caramel Crunch and freshly printed C-notes, This year out go the moonshine zombies, the lame version of Goku, the icecream zombies, the Nazi Zombies and the Vampire....Angel....things! and get ready to ROCK! With Tenacious D! (Don't worry kiddies, it's the clean version!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h27xucvYtRs
After Cartoon Versions do a scat joke, we open to a flashback told in song as a young JB Jables (Jack Black Naturally) played by....the Laxative Boy from the video High School Never Ends!, Sings about his rebellious love of rock in the strait-laced family as his father (MEATLOAF) Sings his disapproval whilst Belting his son. After praying to a poster of DIO, The late rockstar tells the young boy to go to Hollywood.
After leaving Missouri that night, the young man has spent all his teenage years going to every other town in America called Hollywood(Really?) He finally makes it Hollywood, California.
After Opening Credits of Animated Tarot Cards (Funny thing, if you are able to read Tarot Cards like I can, the entire Opening Credits ruin the entire story for you!)
So JB meets Kyle Gass (as himself!) who assumes the newcomer is invading his busking space, When the crowd walks away when Gass goes classical, JB saves the day with improvised lyrics, even though only a pizza boy gets excited about what happened, but Kyle refuses to make a band with the newcomer. But when KG drops his pick , JB assumes is a sign.
With Nowhere to stay Jables is forced to sleep rough and is attacked by Clockwork Orange Fanboys, When Kyle comes around and sees his missing pick in the fallen hands of Jables, he takes pity on him and pretends to ward of the muggers.
After bringing JB Back to his place and lying about his music "career", the star struck bumpkin proposes an "audition"-Basically a Lethal cocktail of "Menial Labour" and "Getting His Hopes Up" served in a large glass, garnish with "Blatant Lies"!
The Gig Simulator, which is simply Kyle's way of Breaking Jables confidence, works as Jables sees his father chastising him. As Kyle comforts Jables he doesn't realise that a message comes through onto his answering machine from his mother, telling him that she is no longer financially supporting his life of busking, getting high and fleecing wannabes! Kyle reveals he used the rent money to buy JB a new guitar. So now the newly formed Tenacious D, Must now ROCK FOR RENT! So the first contest is a open mic qualifier, where the only competition is a terrible impersonator, they win, but a slight by the bar-keeper, convinces Jables that need to write a "Masterpiece". So the band draw a pentagram with ketchup for inspiration but forget to record any of it. Looking through old Rolling Stone Magazines, they come across that all the great use the same Guitar Pick.
So the Band go to the Music Store to pick up a similar pick, Only to be pulled into the spare room by the clerk (A cameo by Ben Stiller) tells us the story that we already know from the expository song above! What we don't know is that the devil roams the earth searching for his missing tooth and when whole again he will dominate the Earth once more! Marcus tells the D that the last known whereabouts is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Sacramento.
After an Imagination spot where they slowly turn into Kiss, they park at a Roadside café, As JB devises a plan to break in, Kage gets distracted by Sorority Girls that leaves the two split up as Kage is hired to play at a party, where he quickly tanks-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jG2KMkQLZmI
While Jables who was heading on a 5 mile walk to Sacramento, starts eating some he found in a forest-Yep! IT'S A MUSHROOM SAMBA!
Jack Black is tripping balls and has turned it a baby Sasquatch whilst flying on the back of another Sasquatch through a Technicolor Forest, while singing a song about the creature!
BIG LIPPED ALIGATOR MOMENT-yes
FUCKING AWESOMESAUCE MOMENT?-YEAH IT IS!
So JB conveniently sobers up a mile away from the rock and roll Museum, At the party some teenagers smash the tail-light of Kyle's car.
PLOT-ITEM!
After the band reunite at the museum, They enter the Guitar Gods room, all the cock push-ups that Kage got JB to do, has made Jack Black's....bandmember long enough to disable the lasers but the alarms are set off!, but the two heroes powerslide out from the closing garage doors. A crippled thief threatens to steal the pick, but is easily outrun.
That Morning, the band escape the police, who only wanted to pullover the band for the broken tail-light, cause a police chase that ends with them blowing up the car and escaping through the sewers. Arguing over the pick makes them split it in half. It turns out the open mic host was the Devil (Dave Grohl) the whole time!
SO LET'S WRAP THIS UP!
The D's challenge the Devil to a rock-off, with the catch being the Lord of The Dammed must pay their rent forever if he loses. But Kage becomes the devil's Bitch if they lose. So the Devil being played by Grohl, naturally sings, drums and plays guitar like a boss! but the D realise that real masterpieces come from within, and defeat Lucifer by NOT! Singing Tribute (Instead singing the risible "We Are The D"), in his rage the devil's horn is broke off and now since he is incomplete again, he's sealed in hell forever and so the film ends....WITH NOTHING RESOLVED! AS NO-ONE SAW OR HEARD A 20FT DEVIL SINGING A SONG ABOUT SODOMISING KYLE GASS, NO FAMILY WAS REUNITED, NO ONE WON THE OPEN MIC,AND THE BAND THE DIDN'T GET FAMOUS!
The only thing that was resolved was the D's Rent is paid for life and they made the Devil's Horn into a Bong and they smoke from it for "inspiration"-even if Satanically Saturated Skunk makes them forget everything they play!
DAHM JACK BLACK IF YOU WEREN'T SO CHARISMATIC, I'D TELL YOU THIS FILM SUCKS!
Ok, Let's get serious!
The film is all over the place, Nothing is resolved, Backstories are quickly discarded and plotpoints like the waitress' black eye and the crippled thief are relegated to dvd extras-Which I don't review I only focus on what's on the dvd because that what cinema goers saw. In Short Pick of destiny is nothing more than Music Video Set with a narrative linking each one, A device doing better in Fly On The Wall, Daft Punk's Fantasia 5000 and of course, The WALL!
CREDITS
Tenacious D:Pick of Destiny was reviewed, compiled and Edited by Eamonn Bermingham
With Music and Clips from
Tenacious D: Pick Of Destiny
Futurama
TD:POD Is distributed by New Line Cinema. All rights reserved
All clips used belong to their respective owners.
Follow me on Twitter @RealEnli
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