Eamonn Reviews Horrid Henry Part 2,blood!

(Before I go on, there's a lot of references that lots of Americans and others won't get so here's some notes

• St Giddiantus is a Corruption to the exclamation "oh, my giddy aunt". I use a similar word. "FUCK!"
• 2 cool 4 School is probably a reference to Knightmare, which is why a super-hard children's game show is not surprising. but no-one is stupid enough to give children cash money, the actual prize on Knightmare was a silver ornament.
• Prick N' Gom is my name for Dick and Dom. Richard McCourt and Dominic Wood are Britain's second best Double act. They're the guys you get if you can't afford Ant N' Dec, but don't wan't to cheapen values by getting Sam and Mark. They are so camp towards each other, and keep their personal lives to themselves, which is fine, but it hasn't stop slashficcers!
• A Gom is yet another Irish word for an idiot! Eskimos have 50 words for snow, we have that many for an idiot!)

Just a Quick re-cap, Henry, a boy who can't sing, or spell but is good at pranks so much he's scapegoated for the other chav's pranks, is blamed by his Teacher who was fired after a prank, It turns out to be a plan by Evil Headmaster Mr Van Wrinkle, played by Villain Typecast, Richard E. Grant. we open on him, giving his plans to his bribed School Inspectors

So his plan is to pay off the inspectors so Ashton Park can be closed down and people would pay money for his exclusive Institute, Despite the fact he'll only make a small bit of money, as we will get to later. His Plan to get Ashton Park to close? Booby trap the class he doesn't belong in...brilliant!

Turns out to be a Batman Gambit, with Headmistress Oddbod busy and Soggy Sid, the P.E. Teacher, not being an actual teacher (you're not P.E. Teachers of the world, get over it!), The only other teacher is this giant shed with windows called ashton Park is the kindergarten teacher miss Lovely. so the older children must sit with boys who might as well be the children who failed the audition for the part of Perfect peter. The Inspectors Plant a pot of goo in Henry's Bag. when Henry and Margaret tussle over the bag because... why not? they need to move the story along, the Jar flies out, unscrews it's lid. and it the time it took for anyone with common sense to get out of the way, it lands on the hapless teacher.

Upset, Lovely quits her job. And rather than say expelling the suspected little shit, Oddbod Bans Harry Chav and the Chavtones from the Battle Of the bands.

And it doesn't end. The torture that is. As we are introduced to more of Henry's extended family, Rich Aunt Rita, Her daughter Prissy Polly (Played by Kimberly Walsh), her baby daughter Vomiting Vera and Rita's son, Stuck-up Stephen.

But Listening to his voice, he should be called Camp Cameron or Takesitupthe Jacksie! The ponce takes over the TV, As Henry is not let to watch a PLOT POINT! game show in favour of a Stock Market show for kids.

OKAY TIME OUT!
I Know this is not based on reality, but what is the point of having this? Are you making a point that some children grow up too soon? Are you saying that Upper class children are weaned to be successful at a young age? Or Am I  right in saying you just did this to make another unlikable character? The only character that is likable so-far is Miss Battleaxe and she was wrongly fired for trying doing her job!

After Dad eats a vommed on sandwich, Rita tells Mum that Brick House, The Evil Expensive School Of Evil, has an Open day and free scholarship for Ashton's Brightest, athletic or musically gifted children.

Well Henry is fucked.
Or need I remind you of his "singing"

Next scene and Dad gets a  phone call from his Great Aunt Gretta, who's convinced Henry is a girl, has solved his schooling problem:
 ENROLL "HENRIETTA" INTO AN ALL GIRL SCHOOL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bzB2N9xnJk

Do you honestly not live in the real world, Francesca Simon? I think the school would have sent a representative to their home address to get their details, not only where they live, but as a background check of the new student, And that means that Van Wrinkles' plan to monopolises the entire school system in Ashton, has already failed as St Giddiantus is a more reputable school, is also in town, Why didn't he destroy the reputation of this school and get the money from the parents of these Posh children and solely start on the 2-room shed full of Chavs and Ill Children?
THAT'S IT I'M HAVING A BREAKDOWN!
CUE THE BREAKDOWN NATIONAL ANTHEM!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btEpF334Rtc

So without even consoling a single teacher, staff member, or reasonable adult, An abandoned Henry and Margaret are chased out of GiddiAuntus, but not before Henry hallucinates a silhouette of Battleaxe who chastises him for being an idiot!

Yeah, Henry, you should stop usin' dat M-CAT, INNIT?

To escape, Margaret dresses Henry in a pinafore and a stack of coats and hats.
PLOT POINT!

After Henry escapes the only place with people with accents posher than his, Peter arrives at Brick House and is happy to see Ms Lovely is the newly appointed Junior Teacher, whom Peter fancies.
NERD!
 At the open day steve introduces Britain's got Talent Rejects to shave worthless screen-time as a boy does soccor skills. And Peter sings Frere Jacques in a Country Western Style. The more impatient of you would ask "why are you telling me this?", It's a distraction while Lovely investigates why she saw the inspectors. Van Wrinkle finds Lovely and Kidnaps her

So the Purple Hand (Rared)s Try to think of a plan (Yeah, play to your strengths!)
In the end they decide to get back into the talent contest to win the money to save the school. (Again play to your strengths)

So using the Giddiantus coats and hats that Margaret stole, Harry Chav and Chavtones win the talent show (how?) to no avail, Ashton Park is still closing down.

If only there was a hastily written, badly paced finale, that tries to use long forgotten plot-points to resolve the story!

How about being invited to a Game show Hosted by Prick and Gom? As the Real life children's tv hosts Rub and Gyrate on each other and calls each other "dearie" and "Duckie" (Plus I find it ironic that film based on a CITV cartoon has CBBC Presenters in it.)

So let's finish this once and for all!
Henry solves Maths problems, has his hamster eat a bowl of vegetable stew, Peter and his best boys are captured by Van Wrinkle, Henry uses his Magnetic yoyo to escape Asylumesque CGI Vomit, Finally spells Homework in front of Battle-Axe, Lovely tricks Vic into confessing into a mobile, Henry wins the cash prize, Battleaxe reveals she won the gameshow also (as evidenced by the broach she picked up earlier.) But with Ashton Park saved, Henry has only 1 thing he wants to use the money on, as the credits reveals he has emancipated from his parents to live in a mansion.

So he's rich and stupid, except with his 4th class education, FAR much smarter than any of the KarTRASHians!

THIS FILM SUCKS!
So the Horrid Henry books may have sold as many as Potter, but don't expect 9 sequels! An Audience demeaning script, coupled with a universe with no nods to reality, Terrible Acting, Worse Singing, Hateable characters, especially the adults. I was shocked that Lotto Money went into paying for this Bank Holiday Bull Plop! Money, that could have being used to save some one's life! Instead used on a child in a curly wig singing Frere Jacques in a country western style!

In Short: Horrid Henry: IT'S SHITE!
PURE 100% UNMITIGATED SHITE!

CREDITS
Horrid Henry: the Movie was Reviewed, edited and compiled by Eamonn Bermingham
With clips from:
In Part 1
Horrid Henry
and in Part 2
WWE RAW
WWE SMACKDOWN
And Music
"Combine Harvester" by the Wurzels

Horrid Henry is property of Novelle Entertainment
All clips belong to their respective owners.
All Rights Reserved.

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