Infected by the evil of D.Y.H.A.T.M? Eamonn went insane with SatanicPower, Given that SatanicOstrich has left hell months ago, To shorten the time to the next TICKET TO HELL event, SatanicEamonn Destroyed the Multiverse Switchyard, Weakening the walls of the Mulitiverse, In short fiction is bleeding into reality, With the task completed, Eamonn turned back to normal)
AND NOW OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION)
Theme of the Month-from the soundtrack
Gerry Rafterty Baker's street
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7--mbE05A4I
Most Americans reading this would probably go up in Arms to why a film based on a sketch from America's biggest show, Saturday Night Live, would appear here on BBO, Ireland and the world's home for text reviews of Terrible Films?
I Answered my Own Question.
SNL Is AMERICA'S Biggest show, It's only shown in America, So when SNL, National Lampoon, and Kids In the Hall release a film into Europe, it's only through the goodwill of Cinema Patrons wheter that film is a hit or not.
And Believe me, Macgruber is no Wayne's World! It maybe Wayne's World 2, but it's no Wayne's World.
For those who never watch SNL, heard of it or Seen it parodied on every single WB cartoon since the 90's, I'll give you the skinny.
Macgruber is a 5 minute sketch based on 80's series, MacGyver. The sketch consists of Macgruber (played by Will Forte) trying to defuse a bomb only to get distracted and get blown up. It's one trick pony some how became an ad for Pepsi and then, this a 90 minute film.
So it's a film,
based on an ad,
Based on a 5 minute sketch,
Based on a parody,
Based on a 80's tv show?
Not since they made Rowan Atkinson's Barlaycard ads into Johnny English have I soiled myself in terror!
So let's blow the lid off the lid, peer inside and try not to inhale the fumes, this is MacGruber.
You'd be Mistaken, like I was, when I Saw the opening scene A Russian unit is killed by terrorists who steal a missle, Taking no prisioners. the Terrorists, led by Val Kilmer, even disptches a lone Survivor with a Bond one-liner.
Until the Opening credits show the Title charecter in stupid situations as expositary Lyrics play out. A secret file shows the blacklisted inventor's follies , as great as he is, he's also a major fuck-up.
We Cut to Ecudor, where Lt. Dixon Piper (Ryan Phillippe) and General. Faith are searching for Mac, now a monk living with the natives, only much like ace Ventura 2, they want to get rid of him!
The General tells Mac that his arch-nemesis Dieter von Cunte (Kilmer) (yes really! Forte must follow the George Lucus School of Terrible Villian Names) has stolen the warheads. Enraged, Mac still refuses to help.
That night Mac dreams of the day Cunte killed his bride to be. This convinces Mac to join the search for Cunte, but has issues with the rookie Piper so he reforms his old posse made up of wwe wrestlers Chris Jericho, Mark Hungry, The Great Krappi, Kane the immobile slab of Meat, Big slow and former wwe wrestler Mvp. he also finds Vicki St Elmo. (Kristen Wiig) who refuses. After telling us the van over his shoulder has the wrestlers and Homemade c4. It blows up on cue, killing his posse and making the wrestlers cameos, pointless.
In fact MacGruber had more screen time on wwe promoting his film than the wrestlers had in this film. Jericho had 3 lines everyone else had 1 line and Big show didn't even speak.
Or maybe Jericho got payed in advance and fucked off to play in his 3rd rate rock band!
Without a team, Mac is off the case, after bribing Piper to let him sodomise him, Piper joins him and Vicki has a change of heart.
We cut to Las vegas, as the search for Von Cunte starts in a casino he usually haunts. He does this blowing his cover and the entire mission. But no-one takes him seriously, but the security tells Cunte anyway.
Back to our Heroes, Mac has the inspiredly stupid plan of Dressing vicki as him. In the hopes that the criminals would be stupid enough not to just shoot their target on sight. But since this is a parody with Genre savvy villians and genre blind heroes, they attack the van with the MCGRBR Vanity plates.
After Killing the henchman with his van, Piper and Vicki find clues that lead the team to an abandoned railroad. After distacting the guards by Dancing Naked with Celery up his ass. (Seriously, Movie, I need to bleach my eyes!) Vicky dressed as a BEARDED! henchman gets shot at, surprisingly. The villians escape with missles launch codes as Mac's Homemade tennisball grenades are just tennisballs. Just as Mac fucks up tracing a call, Col. Faith provides intel on A V.I.P. party Von Cunte is throwing.
We cut to Salt Lake City, where Mac and Vicki crash Von Cunte's Party, with both being wired to Dixon. After Arguing about a passing comment about a guest being handsome, an angry Mac finds Cunte playing Poker. After insults and telling the nice villian who's on his team, Vicky spies a senator getting bribed.
Returning to D.C., Col. Faith takes Mac off the case. He reveals to Dixon why Cunte killed his wife. appartently he stole her from him.
Okay, standard fare. Nothing bad
.....Until he says he stole her, while she was pregnant with Dieter's baby and told her to abort it, and when she refused...Well, I dare go on, but the term "D.I.Y Job" was used!
Movie, you done crossed the line!
The heroes are ambushed and Mac uses Piper as a Human Shield, Despite him wearing Kevlar, He doesn't apprieciate Mac's Cowardice. When performing first aid, Vicky confesses her love and makes love with Mac. Heeerrresss Will forte's ass on your screen again!
Ashamed, Mac goes to his wife's grave. he is visited by his wive's ghost. he then Proceeds to...fuck the ghost, Giving us another screenfull of pasty ass!
He deduces post supernatural Coitus, that Cunte will nuke the State of the Union Address, Just as the crooked senator kills Col. Faith.
Mac returns to Vicky's, Only to find she's being kipnapped. Arming himself with the contents of a sewing box and a Celery up his ass, he apoligizes to piper.
So let's end this! The others go to rescue Vicki, But she frees herself, Cunte captures Mac to frame him for the attack, Cunte cuts Mac's Mullet, turns him apeshit, Piper sticks celery up his ass, Vicki knows Kung Fu, Cunte gets blown, only for Mac to finish the job at Vicki's and his wedding, but not before pissing and shitting on his skeletonised remains! Because that's what a likable hero does!
THIS FILM BIG TIME SUCKS!
Did i need to see Will Forte's ass every 5 minutes? I know, that's an abrupt way to start a paragraph, but if Forte thought people wanted to see him as a stupid, homophobic,xenophonic,ill-mannered,Morally bankrupt 'Murican, He was surely Mistaken. Once again, Wiig is in a film where her talents are wasted, (Ditto Phillippe). When did Val Kilmer get fat? he looks terrible, he looks like former Nfl player turned wrestler Steve "mongo" McMichael!
While many films have socially awkward heroes, usually their mixture of determined spirit and endearing charm, wins the day and usually the girl. But MacGruber is neither Mr. Bean or Ali G or Happy Singh (How's that for an obscure Film reference?). Here we have a charecter from 5 minute shorts. And much like caffiene, sugar and fat, a little MacGruber is all people can tolerate!
CREDITS
MacGruber was reviewed, Edited, and Compiled by Eamonn Bermingham
With Music:
Baker's Street by Gerry Rafterty
MacGruber is Distrubuted by Universal
All Rights Reserved.
Follow me on twitter @saveusPOE
Next month: CHRISTMAS SPECIAL Bionicle Mask of
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